How to Deal With Estranged Adult Children - What to Do to Help You Reconcile (Video #5) | Ep.42

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Feeling Heartbroken and Alone? How to Pick up the Pieces When You are Estranged: I'm giving away a copy of my eBook on the topic here → morinholistictherapy.com/findjoy/

[@giedrebeniute4051]

What an amazing video. Thanks so much. I've been estranged from my both parents for a very long time, it's been incredibly difficult, you really have to take one day at a time. It's very complex and I feel pain almost every day because of this. I was estranged from my own daughter for a while as well and realized I had to do something about it as I decided that I can't just hurt my daughter the way my mother has been hurting me. I decided that I have to approach the whole situation with love and love only. I've started listening to my daughter, paying attention to her, to what she really means. I refuse to believe that my daughter is bad, it simply is not possible. I also set very clear boundaries with her as she tends to use me often. I, however, decided that I will control myself and will be as loving and as kind as I can possibly be. I also started to get genuinely interested in my daughter. I'm seeking to spend time with her and I stopped taking things personally. And it really works. It's a long process, but the improvement in our relationship is very significant and it's only been less than a year since we started to reconnect. We even went on a short holiday together. I chose to love my daughter and to love me. I know she needs me and a lot of misunderstandings come from poor communication, reactiveness, and fear. To all the parents of estranged children, I can tell you one thing for certain - if you want a good or at least normal relationship with your children, you have to change yourself. It's not easy, but there is no other way. If you don't want it, that's obviously up to you, stay bitter, unhappy, angry, and hurt. But this attitude is not going to make you happy and will deprive your child of a very significant and essential love that you can provide. It's really really worth trying. Start with yourself. Good luck.

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Hi Geidre: Thank you for sharing and encouraging others. I am delighted to hear of your love and determination to do the work required to repair your relationship. I am very grateful you and your daughter have reconnected. Thank you agin for writing. Warmly, Marie

[@laurelhaynes5198]

If just found your videos. I will pass this along and keep watching . Thank you .I can’t believe how many people are going through this. 27 % . My 55 years old and I am 81 just lost my husband & this hit like a ton of bricks!

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Hi Laurel, Thank you for commenting. I am sorry for the loss of your husband.

[@Buddybear20]

You have been such a tremendous help to me. I’m 10 months in and ready to listen to all your videos. You have taught me step by step. Thank you so much.

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

You are so welcome!

[@roseyc.5846]

I just saw this and thought it would help me. "Empathize" with them? Apologize!?! For their disdain and disrespect? Yes, they tell us terrible things, thanks to their "selective memories". No, I've gone through WAY too much pain. A lot of this was positive; however, I won't be apologizing to her for the YEARS of psychological and verbal narcissistic abusive treatment of me, her mother, and her only sibling. I wish her well, but, I'm done.

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Hi Rosey: Please read this morinholistictherapy.com/how-to-deal-with-estranged-adult-children/ I don't think there was a suggestion to apologize. I certainly understand your decision. thank you for writing. Marie

[@louisefitzgerald4400]

We have a gatekeeper situation. My son moved in with a woman much older in 3 months. They had a baby within the year. She had a child already, and my son loves being a stepdad. We had a relationship with our granddaughter for a year. It was wonderful. Suddenly we were disposed of, including my daughter. She and my son were best friends. This has been going on for 4 years. We try to reach out and ask to work through things. It gets to a point, then we are cut off again. The goalpost keeps moving. Can you offer suggestions.

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Hi Louise, So sorry you're going through this. Do you have support from a therapist at this time? I suggest continuing self-care practices and finding support if you haven't already done so. Let me know. Warmly, Marie

[@elizabethnelson4110]

My adult granddaughter has not spoken or responded to my invitation to talk over a scolding I gave her which was about her mother, my daughter...for over ten years. She has now told her mother that she considers me "dead." That statement has stunned and crushed my soul. I don't know what to do. Every year I send birthday greetings, holiday greetings and other special occasions along with short notes to both her and her husband. I have gotten one response over the years from her when I sent a note to meet and talk and that was that she was not ready. She was nineteen when this scolding occurred and she is 32 now. I am 78 and have gone through years of counselling over this and was told she may never speak to me. I am so sad over this. If she won't talk to me how can we ever work this out?

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Hi Elizabeth, I’m sorry this has happened to you. I believe your years of therapy have supported you to understand how there’s only so much you can do. Continuing to let her know you’re still around and are willing to wait is key. She may soften as she gets older. Unfortunately she may not. Remember to care for yourself as best you can. Be around people who love and value you. Keep learning so that you are informed about what’s best to do and what to avoid. Thank you for sharing your story. My heart goes out to you. Warmly, Marie

[@tnt01]

She told you she is not ready respect her wishes. And it doesn't matter that it happened long ago, it affected her deeply. I'm sure she does not hate you but just wants to focus on her life.

[@den5576]

My son 19 year old son left from Texas to Oregon back in Sep 2021. He had a girl he met online to come by and pick him up while we were out of town. This is girl is manipulating and will not even give me his new number. He left his cell number . We used to talk at least once a week but now it i has been almost 2 months last time I talk to him. The number I had for her has been disconnected. UI emailed her one day and she said he will call me when he wants to. She only will let him talk to me when she is the room. He had a great life he had it pretty good. All we wanted him to work since he was not in school and he didnt want to work . She has put in his head that he had a bad home life

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Hi Denise: This must be very difficult for you. It is sad that sometimes young people can make decisions that hurt their parents. Is his phone disconnected? If its not, maybe you can text him every so often just to let him know you are thinking of him. It seems like something is troubling him and he might need time to work it through. I am only guessing.No one would know unless he told you. I hope that in time he will at the very least, let you know he is o.k. Are you getting some type of support to cope with this? Warmly, Marie

[@den5576]

@@youtubemariemorinestrangement he has a phone but will not give me the number. I have message him on fb but he has not checked and tried to call her now her number goes to vm. Support for what ? How would that even help?

[@sarahhobson4036]

Mine th7nk hes the boss but my s9n is not 😮

[@cottonflannigan3671]

So am I understsnding you correctly? Lay down and allow adult children to continue to abuse and disrespect.. Roll over and apologize for everything they think I did... Why do you always side with the adult child???

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Hi Cotton: thank you for sharing your thoughts. Everyone's situation is different and there is no one size fits all solution. I am reporting on what research has found. Abusive relationships are an exception.

[@mariankeller5852]

This is such a bunch of useless crap..you should NEVER APOLOGIZE for something YOU'VE NEVER DONE...you should NEVER ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR for SOMEONE ELSE'S WRONG DOING ...you should NEVER have to COMPROMISE YOUR VALUES OR ATTEMPT TO PURSUED YOUR FAMILY TO LOVE YOU ..you should NEVER ALLOW ANYONE TO TREAT YOU BADLY...you should NEVER BEG YOUR AGGRESSOR TO LISTEN TO YOUR SIDE OF THE ISSUE ...you should NEVER have to CHANGE YOURSELF TO PLEASE ANYONE. Your BLAMING a VICTIMIZED PERSON FOR WHAT THEIR CHILD HAS DONE TO YOU...your assuming that if you make nice they will stop their vendetta against..I would never listen to your irrational advice...if your child has blocked you understanding is a little impossible don't you think? ? ?? . . .

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Hi Marian: Thanks for commenting. You bring up some excellent points. Unfortunately, this video is not addressing abusive children. Maybe you missed that one. I understand what you are saying. Not every cut-off is about abuse and when it is, it requires a different approach. To your point, understanding when one is blocked can still happen if one stops to think that situations, other than abusive -victim relationships, have many sides.

[@noddaimportanto3735]

Thank you. I agree. That's how they became narcissistic in the first place.

[@mariankeller5852]

@@youtubemariemorinestrangement my son isn't ABUSIVE..he just doesn't speak to me and will not tell me why..I've done NOTHING to Warrant his nastiness ..I will NOT apologize for what I haven't done and I will NOT ALLOW his verbal abuse..if I had done something to offend him I would apologize..I will not beg his forgiveness or reward abusive behavior ..anyone who takes your advice deserves what they get..It wasnt me who caused the issue it was his abusive alcoholic narcissist Father and I will NOT take responsibility for my 18 year old son choosing to live and work for him and be indoctrinated into hating me. Your blaming victims fir their abuse and that's bu shit...I had 5 years if counseling and took relationship classes . .YOU ARE WRONG .

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

@@mariankeller5852 Thank you for sharing your opinion. Some videos focus on cases where abuse is absent. I appreciate your sharing and understand your viewpoint.

[@jdhutchinson506]

@@noddaimportanto3735 why do you want a relationship with them?