How To Deal With Utter Loneliness

[@badbishop3583]

I know you posted this awhile ago but I wanted to thank you for this. I've been lonely for years ever since I got horrible psoriasis on my face. People don't even like to look at me, lol. It makes them uncomfortable. Medication hasn't worked well for my condition and i haven't had any periods of clear skin in 10 years. I used to get girls, have friends and have a life. Now I'm a shell of my former self. It really hurts to be alone. Anyways, I enjoyed your video and needed to hear from someone who is just as alone as I am. Thank you

[@AliceQuinnRose]

I’m glad my video could help. I should probably make a follow up to it really, as I have a lot of new stuff to bring to the table. And I’m sorry for you’re situation. But I’m sure there are people out there who I’ll see past your condition. I wish you all the best hun. Xx

[@valeale2812]

god, i relate to this so much! i've never had a best friend, never that person that you tell everything to. always acquaintances or people i had to see everyday. and now that i'm in college is somehow worse. i've always felt out of tune with everyone around, my only hope is going away and possibly meeting more akin souls :) i get you i get you i get you.

[@AliceQuinnRose]

I’m glad I could make you see that you’re not the only one who feels like this. I made this video almost two years ago now and in that tie I’ve come to realise that I can be content with only having acquaintance level relationships. Rather than having one best friend who I do everything with I have: 1 friend I can play board games with, 1 I can have political debates with, 1 I can bitch to about trans stuff, etc. I think it’s just about realising that the ideal isn’t what our peers, elders and media has told us our whole life. You don’t need a best friend when a bunch of acquaintances can do the same job :)

[@tammysharonlorettastafford6271]

My best friend died inMarch of 2021.I have been diagnosed with Russel Silver syndrome and am going through my autism assesment.The older I get the more lonely I feel.

[@rebeccaharold7141]

Feel ya. Same.

[@dengosodawg]

I found my best friend by finding someone as clingy and socially inept as I am. We bonded over our mutual affinity for random and niche things and more than a year later we’re really close now. It went from texting sometimes to having semi-frequent conversations, often deep and very mutual. Some people aren’t into the deep stuff I’ve found. But now we talk pretty much anytime we aren’t doing something else. I have one main friend and then other friends that I like talking to or doing stuff with

[@AliceQuinnRose]

Happy for you :)

[@britishcig5462]

hey i just got recommended to your channel by Elle Summers' video about Manic Pixie Dream Girls and im so glad! youre awesome! im an autistic trans girl and im 2 and a half years sober, moved out of state permanently after rehab 2 and a half years ago for a person im no longer dating. i only have 4 IRL friends in the whole state right now, 1 is my boyfriend and one is my ex. i am extremely grateful this video came to me right now. i hope youre doing ok with everything going on in the world right now. thank you fir making this

[@AliceQuinnRose]

Sorry you’re having such a rough time. But I got through it so I know you’re also a strong enough cookie to do so. :3 Just remember to learn from mistakes instead of beating yourself up for making them x

[@The_gaming_archaeologist]

I can relate to this quite well. I was lucky in college with people who helped me come out of my shell, but my daily day-to-day life I'm so alone currently...

[@AliceQuinnRose]

I’m sorry to hear that hun xx I wish you all the best in finding people to keep you company xx

[@The_gaming_archaeologist]

@@AliceQuinnRose Thanks. I think my main issue is learning to go out regularly, but also manage my cash flow too as it is a pain if you want to hang out somewhere social. I'm hoping things to improve soon.

[@bigbawss3273]

I would be your friend I'm kind to everyone *offers hand*

[@AliceQuinnRose]

Thanks hun :)

[@peterpan1886]

I feel with you, I am about to finish school in a month and I am utterly frightened to move on, because school is the only place where I interact with people. School is the only place where I meet my *friends* and its one of the few settings in which I am able to function and act instead of observing everybody in an attempt to figure out how to behave or overthinking even the simplest of social interaction like asking somebody for their name or offering help. Its a place I am familiar with and a place where I am comfortable to be myself. Thank you for your empathy, it is sooting to know that other people feel the same as you and that there is a way through, a way on.

[@lizhannold7265]

This is how I'm feeling now...

[@rebeccaharold7141]

Me too.

[@TheMacGeek]

To make friends you have to be aggressive, make the first move, talk to people, make eye contact, force yourself to go outside your comfort zone, start a conversation with a total stranger every day, make small talk, introduce yourself at the end of the conversation, ask them out to lunch, coffee, a get together doing something with similar interests as yourself. Just be a good listener to people. Here's a how-to video: kzbin.info/www/bejne/q5mwfpSgn9mWqpY

[@anyatranter5588]

Just found your video I hope youre not lonely anymore

[@politicallynonbinary]

If you ever got that flowchart/list, I'd love to look it over myself.

[@AliceQuinnRose]

Sorry you've lost me. Which flowchart?

[@politicallynonbinary]

@@AliceQuinnRose about how to make friends. The only reason I'd say I have friends is because my country doesnt make the distinction of "mates", and at best that's the best I have.

[@lowtcharlie2859]

I know this is an old video but I really appreciate it. I relate to this is so much. I'm trans and autistic and this is exactly my experience.

[@AliceQuinnRose]

Yeah, 2016&2017 sucked. I hadn't yet learnt how to make friends and forge relationships outside of daily forced educational facilities, such as high school. And being Trans just made it difficult to relate to all the cis people Ii was surrounded by. Then there's the fact that in all my social interactions back then I was the first trans person most people had met and so every social interaction was an interrogation. I quickly realised I'd always been seen as a source of knowledge, a window into an alien world, rather than an equal friend. So I developed an addiction to dating apps and replaced all my social interactions with sort term conversations (via text) and hookups. Hey, it was easier than trying to slowly forge a proper deep relationship with people. But then in 2018, I got banned from tinder and grinder would just continuously crash. Losing my access to those platforms sent me into a panic and I cried for three straight hours, curled up in a ball on the ground, at the news that I'd lost access to them. This is obviously unhealthy behaviour which is one reason I now know I had an addiction. Now during my grinder tinder days, I would often chat to someone for ages and then move the conversation over to WhatsApp and then later just allow the conversation to try up sand die. So I had a lot of old chat logs in my WhatsApp banks. In a moment of cold turkey hopelessness, I sent messages to most of those old chaat logs. Two of them came back a little weirded out but still on the whole happy enough to chat. One of them took me to a trans nightclub event. That night club had a red room and I destroyed the last of the old me in that grimy sticky dim area. But I also met a lot of other trans women. So I went back week after week and those relationships deepened. I don't go to that club any more but I have a few really good friends I met through it. The other person who got back to me agreed to go on a date with me. They exposed me to queer culture via Soho. We got on and went on more dates. Then one day we both signed up to a boxing training program and to this day we're solid friends. What I needed was to change my perspective and find people like me. Building friendships takes work. For the longest time, they'll just be acquaintances. But via putting them first in conversations from time to time, showing you care about them in little ways, spending lots of time together and building clear boundaries any most stranger can become a really good friend with time and effort. Sorry, this comment got away from me. I guess I should really make the 5th video in the loneliness saga on my channel. I this comment is what that video be.

[@MajorMNMike]

How can someone so pretty and beautiful be lonely? ❤ I’d adore you and you’d never be lonely again!!! ❤

[@seratonyn]

I don't have anyone... at all. I have online pixels on screens that communicate. How do I meet humans? I literally refer to them as "humans" now because I don't know where they are. I'm alone and I have no one.

[@AliceQuinnRose]

As you saw I've been there. It's difficult. I would;t wish that isolation on anyone. But really it's just about getting out there and meeting people. You'll meet a lot of people you get on with. Some you'll be friends with for a while and then stop talking all together. But over time you'll learn to recognise what friendship looks and feels like. I wish you the nest though.

[@britishcig5462]

the only way i know of making friends is on the Internet, or employees at stores who I see a lot or bus drivers or whatever, but a lot of people dont see that as real friends so i guess i dont know either

[@AliceQuinnRose]

Only we can define what a real friend is. Yes there’s cultural ideas as to what a “real” friend is. But I find those prescriptive archetypes to be restrictive. Which is why I went through this crisis in 2016. I wanted that steyotypical friendship group that you see on tv. But my friendship style, how I’m most comfortable operating and what I’m naturally good at, isn’t that. Like you I’m great at small talk with bus drivers and shop clerks. And if you see those people regularly enough and you build a relationship with them I see no reason you can’t call them friends. Now, knowing the boundaries of diffrent levels of friendship was something else I had to learn. Not all friends are alike. Some I might be on handshake terms with while others I can cuddle and watch Netflix’s. Some I might only see at the pub while others we hang out at one another’s houses or others I’ll go to gigs with. What I do now is just treat each relationship as it’s own special thing. I don’t have friends I have connections and each connection is a fire I need to keep going and each fire has diffrent needs and forfilled diffrent need within me.

[@anyatranter5588]

I need friends too it's so hard to make close meaningful connections .I'm 56 and went through a phase in my 30s when ai had a hub but then became a single mum and these friends trickled away .now I have my beautiful 16 year old with me and two dopey pets,one who's on my lap.I have crow friends I feed but Humans??????? Life goes in cycles and I am in a very lonely one.but I have made it a strident rule to get out and join in with as much as I enjoy and just maybe I will make some contact.For me I always think it would be easier to contact aliens.I think it's why I've always been so interested in ghosts and aliens.They give me the comfort that there is someone,something with me around me,I'm not alone.I have always felt comfortable in graveyards.I think it's because I finally feel I can be part of society,when they are at peace no longer running hither and thither I can be among them and touch their gravestones and feel a part of them.I guess I'm just a lonely loser.

[@nreynolds51]

Ironically you're not alone.

[@QueenGreyClouds]

Not gonna lie I don't know how to make friends and haven't been successful sence I was a kid it seems like I can't find friends they find me and it's frustrating I really just want to be able to show my true self without immediate loss of interest

[@dillonrose3428]

Love you

[@sdeb3333]

It has very little to do with you my dear. It is outside you. Trust me. People bond over commonality. Try building a career that will give you some edge. P.S. Don't think you are alone in this journey. I am in it too. We are all in this together.

[@zsxh]

❤️

[@johnkevaro9586]

Even though I would still refer to you as a “He”...it's brave of you to admit that you are lonely, I've had best friends my whole life, and I couldn't imagine a life without them...your probs stronger then I am for surviving for so long without a best friend...hope you make a good friend this year! Peace!

[@AliceQuinnRose]

Well, a) Thanks for the... compliment. I guess. b) If you're unwilling to show me the most basic of respect than I'll treat you incline. I don't care if you see me as a woman or not. It's just basic common decency to refer to someone as what they introduce themselves as. I mean I see you as a giant penis cover in sugar, but despite that fact, I'd still refer to you with the name you introduced yourself as and use the pronouns your gender expression requests. But if you're unwilling to be a person with basic common decency then I'll treat you include and wish your sugary smeg filled head good night.

[@johnkevaro9586]

@@AliceQuinnRose wow that's how you treat someone who doesn't agree with your world view? Talk about common decency, your reply speaks volumes about what kind of person you are...

[@AliceQuinnRose]

@@johnkevaro9586 You entirely missed my point. So now that I've cooled down let me try to example again. It is basic decency, so basic that even toddlers know you do this, to refer to someone with the name they tell you and the pronouns their gender expression requests. So for example, if a person who expresses a feminine gender introduces themselves to me as Susan. It would be rude to then call then Mike and use male pronouns. Which is exactly what you did in your first comment. I introduced myself as Alice and am expressing a feminine gender yet you decided to be rude and call me he. So I said that if you treat me that way I'll treat you the same. You seem to, incorrectly see me as a man so I decided to incorrectly see you as something equally insulting. Your message was transphobic with a complimentary coating so I decided to use the metaphor of a sugar-coated dick. I saw this as on par with you incorrectly calling me a man. So here's the point. I am rude to people who're rude to me. What that says about me as a person is that I'm fair and take no shit. You where ride to me and decided to try and erase my gender and there for my social-political existence. What that says about you is that you're a dick. I'm sorry about that but if you don't want to be seen as a dick then stop spreading transphobic rhetoric and realise that trans people being allowed to live doesn't negatively or positively affect you or the people you care about (unless they're trans then it positively effects them). So if it's a neutral act (FACT) then why are you being a dick. It's like someone making a lamp and then you run up and punch them in the face. It doesn't affect you so stop punching us in the face. Once you stop punching us in the face we'll reconsider your status as a dick.

[@AliceQuinnRose]

@@johnkevaro9586 Also I like to provide a safe space in my comments so just be happy I didn't delete your comment straight away for violating the terms and conditions of my comment section.