How to Detach from Someone Without Withdrawing Your Love

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Grab my FREE 7 Steps to Healing One-sided Relationships: The Codependent Solution counselingrecovery.lpages.co/codependent-relationship-freebie/

[@Abhijeetschauhan]

"Detachment doesn't mean you stop caring, it means you stop rescuing other people from experiencing their own consequences." this is the most profound sentence I've read about becoming un-attached. Thank you for sharing your knowledge & wisdom.

[@MichelleFarrismft]

You are very welcome Abhijeet! I'm working on a new Zoom class on codependency & detachment that will be out soon!

[@Abhijeetschauhan]

@@MichelleFarrismft thank you for the update will wait for it.

[@MichelleFarrismft]

@@Abhijeetschauhan Would you like to get on my email list? That way you'll be the first to know.

[@missnerd9555]

Thank you. I was looking for ways to detach without the need to start hating or blaming other people; the internet is strewn with these advices of a certain vengeful detachment. That way feels alright for a few days but somehow just feels like a toxic thing to do long term. This video helped me understand what I was looking for instead. Thank you once again.

[@MichelleFarrismft]

I’m so glad, yeah detaching doesn’t have to be cold it’s just another way to create dome safe distance.

[@mrhyde7019]

Thank you, Michelle. I have an anxious attachment style and have had trouble trying not to control the outcome of my relationship partners' actions. Your video has been the most comforting and informative I've found on detachment; I'll try to develop more detachment to not lead my current relationship in a downward spiral.

[@MichelleFarrismft]

I'm so glad the video helped - detachment can really be a lifesaver because it gives you the space you need to not overstep or preserve your energy. Thanks for watching!

[@priyaraveendran]

What detachment looks like 1.Not making excuses for their own behaviour 2.staying silent 3. Removing yourself from the situation or room if possible instead of trying to stay and fix it 4.Letting somebody make their own mistake and not getting in the way of that

[@MichelleFarrismft]

@@priyaraveendran great summary!

[@priyaraveendran]

❤️

[@ZFabia2010]

Yes. Today i just told myself , the person is just this way, i don't need to react or advise, just let them go on, say what ever theg are saying But i just moved on to another subject, in a smooth manner

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Yeah accepting who that person is while knowing your limits really matters. Thanks for watching again! ❤️

[@rolandgrohs9118]

It’s always nice to learn new life skills. Thank you Michele

[@MichelleFarrismft]

You are so welcome Roland! It's great to see you here!

[@kristabuccino7915]

I’m so grateful I found you & your videos! Blessed ❤

[@MichelleFarrismft]

I am too Krista! Yay!

[@Zynny.p]

This is the best video on detachment I've watched so far! Thanks for sharing

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Thank you so much! That means a lot! ❤️

[@karinswartz9879]

Totally Agree! God-sent. Thanks so much ❤

[@studionitya6097]

I have a girl , i really do care about her even she do care about me (not sure to say). She says she likes me and want me to help her with her own problems but I m not available for her all the time. I am afraid that when i won't help her she will maintain a distance away frm me. She has so many guys to ask help around and I fear this. I sure want to practice detachment. I learnt this term while reading "How to think like a monk" bye Jay shetty. he says "everything is temporary so care about them, enjoy with them but don't fear to lose them. 🙂

[@MichelleFarrismft]

You don’t have to be available all the time. In fact, it’s healthier to create a relationship where it’s mutually loving and beneficial- which means not sacrificing yourself. One day at a time. Keep learning!

[@diannewelsh6475]

I need to apply this more often... especially with my adult kids.

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Yes, that is definitely more challenging but so important. I was just talking with a client about having less contact and letting them contact her first. Sometimes, baby steps work best to start. Thanks for watching!

[@Drbinduselot]

True even I need to do this with my adult sons 😊

[@MichelleFarrismft]

@@Drbinduselot Yeah, that can be the hardest but having the right support makes a huge difference. Thanks again!

[@sweepstakesluvr]

Yes! Difficult but worth it!

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Yes! For sure, it's not easy to detach but knowing it's the best option sometimes helps :)

[@nicestar2198]

im goin to replay tis over and over unil detachment becomes easy

[@MichelleFarrismft]

You can do it! Here is a blog I did on detachment too that might help www.counselingrecovery.com/blog-san-jose/detachment

[@johannysmedel5988]

Wow ur on point I stayed home from work today and truly needed this video deep.

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Thank you Johannys - I just released another video on detachment kzbin.info/www/bejne/moPLfnV3h9F6rq8

[@trexty2]

This was so helpful and comforting. I have been struggling for so long with a lot of the issues you mentioned. Thank you for sharing!

[@MichelleFarrismft]

You’re very welcome! Stay tuned - I’m going to do another one on detachment soon!

[@trexty2]

@@MichelleFarrismft I'm subscribed and waiting! 😆 ❤️

[@MichelleFarrismft]

@@trexty2 let me know if you don’t get one- but usually it’s very quick.

[@Iliketacosyuuh]

You are straight to the point but so informative. It has taken me a long time to start really understanding what codependency is and how it shows up in my life. Thank you!

[@MichelleFarrismft]

You are so welcome Jacob! I’m so happy I could be helpful.

[@latenianalliah6053]

I love this video! Thanks!

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Thank you so much! I have lots more on this topic :)

[@UweWong]

I will try this to fix my marriage. Back then when my wife and I were bf/gf she was always my top priority. After marriage things for slower. And recently I want to connect with her deeply again and it seems like I've overdone, its like an anxious attachment style now and she feels very annoyed because I want to know everything about her now. "Why were you online and didn't message me" or "who were you talking to?" and all those crazy questions. I don't know how I developed this... I think your video would help a lot.

[@MichelleFarrismft]

I'm so glad, feel free to look at my Healthy Relationship playlist.

[@s.jacquelinegold5922]

Thank you for this! Super helpful!

[@MichelleFarrismft]

You are so welcome!!

[@markcollins1012]

Good video. Was looking to learn more about detachment.

[@MichelleFarrismft]

I have another video on this topic Detaching Emotionally: How to Detach and Let Go of Control kzbin.info/www/bejne/moPLfnV3h9F6rq8

[@ginam3862]

Thank you for this great explanation. My journey is always evolving and your video is very helpful.

[@MichelleFarrismft]

That’s so wonderful! It sounds like you’re doing great work Gina!

[@Johanna-loves]

practicing this now 🙏 Michelle. ⛅

[@MichelleFarrismft]

That’s great!

[@billwilson8543]

Yes Michelle….thanks for your wisdom

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Thanks for watching!

[@williamyank1865]

This is great. I’m saving this

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Thanks William!

[@PerfectMessProductions]

This is exactly what I've been looking for thank you

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Oh great! I'm so glad you found me! Here is another one I did on detaching that might help kzbin.info/www/bejne/moPLfnV3h9F6rq8

[@coleensvalcorza4732]

Thank you so much for this video ❤❤

[@MichelleFarrismft]

You’re very welcome Coleen!

[@cobalto65]

I been looking for this. I really love this woman who has a teenage son. But she shuts down a lot and its hard to get to her and it hurts, so I need to detach but not withdraw.

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Yes, sometimes it's better to leave things alone and try again later when she might be more open. Thanks for sharing!

[@shotpusher]

I’m working on this.

[@MichelleFarrismft]

That’s awesome!!! Thanks for watching and being on this path!!

[@y9w1]

Very good explanation and tips... Will listen again and work with those 🙏🙏❤️

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Thank you, I’ll be posting another video on detachment soon so I hope you come back! Thanks for watching!

[@y9w1]

​@@MichelleFarrismftOK! I will come back for the next video on that topic. I am working on it - trying to "detach with love" in my relationship every day at the moment. It does help. One step at the time. Thank you 🙏

[@MichelleFarrismft]

@@y9w1 great! I will be posting in a week or two at the latest. 😀

[@lynn2475]

Thank you!

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Thank YOU!!! This work takes a lot of courage!

[@anitaholst7671]

Very profound.

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Thank you Anita!!

[@Drbinduselot]

Thanks a ton ✌️ the video was very helpful 😊

[@MichelleFarrismft]

I'm so glad! Thank you for taking the time to comment!

[@cristaljimenez347]

Everything me and my boyfriend get into an argument I have a mental breakdown. He shuts down and it gets quiet. I tell him I need reassurance and confirmation that he still loves me. He says I should already know that he does love me. I’m crying right in front of him and it feels like he doesn’t care. I told him that and nothing

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Maybe consider getting some additional support like some counseling or peer support groups. It can really help.

[@LTCurry-wg4kw]

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Thank you for watching!! You’re in the right place!

[@lerniahlaletwa2818]

Yes

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Thank you! I hope you found it helpful!

[@djbrown3274]

yes

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Thanks for watching!

[@jessklay8594]

(Too late) my anxious attachment AKA codependency already ruined a four year relationship with a man that *really wasn’t that bad (even tho he was an anxious avoidant AKA covert narcissist but he was trying to work on himself while I just persistently became crazier & crazier & lost sight of myself)

[@MichelleFarrismft]

I’m sorry I know that is really tough - come back tomorrow when I post a video on narcissism you might find helpful.

[@Danny-eq4zq]

Yes

[@MichelleFarrismft]

@@Danny-eq4zq thanks for being here Danny!

[@jenifferruiz-contreras1406]

I have a boyfriend who sucks at communication, he is always busy and always working and i love this about him. he is constantly on the phone due to work so i do not understand why it is so hard to text me back. i don't even want 100 messages a day or every hour but at least better communication/better texts. i feel like i am always nagging him, he says he is going to work on it but still seems to stay the same, is it smart to detach or help him try to communicate in the way i need him too?

[@MichelleFarrismft]

This is why we date first - to see who they are without having to change them. I'll bet you've already tried to help him but if not - you could ask if he wants help? The proof is in the action though. Unfortunately many people don't see the need or have the desire to do this work because it's hard.

[@KasheeraLatasha]

How would this work as a couple with finances? I feel the need to fix it, if the consequences will affect us both - like we are wanting to move now and need to have things in order. Not sure how to navigate this.

[@MichelleFarrismft]

That’s when counseling can be helpful even if it’s only for you. I agree that you really can't detach from the finances but you need to be able to work together and that's where counseling can help.

[@KasheeraLatasha]

@@MichelleFarrismft Thank you, do you offer that?

[@MichelleFarrismft]

@@KasheeraLatasha I do for anyone living in California.

[@marilyngrayCraftandcrotchet]

Yes

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Thanks Marilyn! Detachment works!

[@marilyngrayCraftandcrotchet]

@@MichelleFarrismft learning how to detach without taking my love away saved me from resentments and pain. 🙂

[@MichelleFarrismft]

@@marilyngrayCraftandcrotchet yes, it definitely helps you take care of yourself so you don't fall into resentment.

[@beebastead]

Yesss!!!!!

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Thanks for watching!

[@dorothiecaine]

What if I end up detaching and not caring about the relationship anymore? Doesn’t it mean id end up breaking with them?

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Detaching doesn't mean that you don't care - detaching helps you take care of yourself and not try to change someone else's behavior.

[@magickalplace]

My issue is that my boyfriend of 12 years and I stopped making love three years ago. I thought it was because he just couldn’t do it anymore because of all the medications he takes. I’ve tried to talk to him about it and it just turns into an argument. Then I found out that he’s been whacking off to videos on KZbin. We got in an argument and then he started being more loving to me. But then I found out he’s still doing it. Please help me to detach from him emotionally!! I am literally sick to my stomach and will be until I heal this. Please please please help me!!

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Detaching is about taking care of yourself and removing yourself when you need to avoid mistreatment or anger. This sounds like a bigger issue that I'd recommend getting counseling for - even if it's just you.

[@magickalplace]

@@MichelleFarrismft thank you ❤️

[@maryanahmadaliyu2184]

Yes

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Thanks MaryAna!

[@bielwtf9729]

I realized how attached I was when I went into long distance couple weeks ago. We’ve dated for 2 years prior to long distance and I’ve been really anxious. How do I change my mindset?

[@MichelleFarrismft]

@@bielwtf9729 it’s a process of identifying what the problem is then you’ll understand what your next steps are. For instance if you relate to codependency- starting some kind of recovery would be a good step.

[@bielwtf9729]

@@MichelleFarrismft I think for me the sudden change created emptiness and sadness. I’ve been struggling to fully accept the reality and work through it. What are some things I can do?

[@MichelleFarrismft]

@@bielwtf9729 get support and let yourself feel it. It is an adjustment to detach but in the long run, it can help a lot.

[@bielwtf9729]

@@MichelleFarrismft Thank you so much. My anxious feelings are overwhelming at times and it’s affected my mental health and sleep schedule. I’ve set a routine to wake up a certain time, journal my feelings, pray and exercise at least once a day. It seems like this would take a long time to get used to

[@MichelleFarrismft]

@@bielwtf9729 tapping would be helpful too. Here is one video How to Decrease Stress and Anxiety with EFT Tapping kzbin.info/www/bejne/Z3S8iH9veKuHgJY

[@tyneshahickmon997]

Yes

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Thank YOU!

[@letmemotheryou]

Thank you

[@MichelleFarrismft]

You are so welcome!

[@swathi5773]

This is not my problem to solve. Listen and validate and ask what can I do? Take care of yourself. Do good for yourself instead of worrying about what other person is doing. Refrain from giving advice and taking away their pain. Al-alon coda 12 step program.

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Sounds like you are getting it!

[@lilzakar9352]

How long is detachment?

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Well it's more of a practice of not getting involved in certain situations that you find upsetting or that you have tried controlling. Good question.

[@mhashas1]

This sounds like anxious avoidant attachment.

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Interesting, thanks for the feedback!

[@annjos6413]

Yessss

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Thanks for watching - you’re in the right place!

[@robyndawn]

Im trying to.take him off a pedestal but stay together.

[@MichelleFarrismft]

yeah, detachment can definitely help you create some healthy separation and remind you to not take his behavior personally. Hang in there! Thanks for watching!

[@robyndawn]

@@MichelleFarrismft Thank you 🙏

[@angelfire7000]

How do you do this when someone is eating themselves into the grave

[@MichelleFarrismft]

I know this is heartbreaking to watch people we love who are addicted. You can ask them if they want help (Overeaters Anonymous) but if they don’t and it’s really bothering you, you can check out Al-Anon for friends and families if alcoholics/addicts. They give lots of great support around detachment.

[@samscarletta7433]

Stop baking cookies

[@MichelleFarrismft]

@@samscarletta7433 Yep that's a great example of choosing to do less! That's great!

[@jennaywar85]

It's really painful when it's your parents you feel that you need to detatch from. My parents are older, and they have been in this pattern for years of making bad financial decisions, and also not taking care of their health. These things combined have gotten them into some pretty bad situations over the past couple of years. Hospital stays, not having the money for a home health aid, etc. I've tried talking to them about ways to improve their life, but they haven't listened, and things just get progressively worse. I'm now at a point where I'm just not able to help. It makes me feel horrible, but I had to make the decision to take care of my own life, and love them from a distance for a while😕😕

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Yeah that' really hard to watch. Sometimes even when we try to help, it doesn't change the outcome. Glad you're taking care of yourself.

[@viviano.koomson8086]

Yes

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Thank you for watching!

[@allathatjazz]

Yes

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Thanks for watching!

[@neelapatel1081]

Yes

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Good for you!

[@saskiaguy1940]

Yes

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Yay!! It does help doesn’t it?

[@virginiamorris8660]

Yes

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Thank you for watching Virginia!

[@catherinemiller9369]

Yes

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Thanks Catherine!

[@kathyrudyk7583]

Yes

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Thanks Kathy for watching!!

[@dejatate6473]

Yes

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Thank you Deja for being here and watching!

[@kylebreunig1806]

Yes

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Thanks for watching Kyle! Here’s another video I did on detaching kzbin.info/www/bejne/moPLfnV3h9F6rq8

[@Hunny5321]

Yes

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Thanks Karen! You're not alone!

[@brownqty4u]

Yes

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Thank you!

[@LullySanita-eu9sl]

Yes

[@MichelleFarrismft]

Thank you!