How to DO Empathy

[@bdelam720]

His clarifying points are so valid. He gives excellent sample ways of being able to practice this. He even gives real description of what it means to be “fully present“, a feature that I really couldn’t grasp for a long time. He models it well for us all. Thank you very much, Allen,!

[@user-pt1uy5gq4z]

I lack empathy and sympathy and im trying to learn. Thanks!

[@SoleGirlsRun]

So important to repeat what you are hearing instead of assuming or judging or agreeing!!

[@patriciamikkelson]

I felt encouraged and hopeful when I listened to this because I want to share this skill with others--since I have been practicing "doing" empathy for a quarter of a century and now have decided to coach people in using this skill. Thanks so much.

[@enlighteneveryone]

wow...I sought to enlighten everyone,and experienced another enlightenment myself from a video. This really had me learn, actually, on my own actual attitude and define me as me. lol if that makes sense. I guess empathize more than I sympathize, and the only thing I need to keep in check is putting my materials into a shelf, let someone else's material register through me, and allow me to then become second and register my materials through them. This is something I'll wathc religiously. love it

[@lisaburnage]

A really good explanation of the differences between empathy and sympathy. I was discussing this with someone the other day and couldn't quite put it into words, although I knew instinctively what the difference was. You've done a great job, thanks!

[@agentkdc]

Alan, enjoyed your excellent description of what empathetic listening is all about. From a business development standpoint, it's a vital skill and habit. Because you have to make it a habit to be effective, it's so easy to fall out of practice. This was my reminder of how I can beat, what I bet is at least 60%-70% of my competition, and that is by just practicing the habit of empathetic listening.

[@rafaelc973]

One of the best I've ever seen about empathy

[@RafaKalapa]

Wow! I'm so grateful for your comment. If this really does serve people, I want to reach more people - and your comment helps. Thank you!!

[@chantallorio379]

One of the best explanations I have heard. Sample conversations would be helpful if you could do that. Thanks for making this so clear!

[@neetulal1020]

awesome, I hve been lookin gfo reducating my self on this subject . U have done an excellent job and it makes lot of sense about being empathetic. we all need it .

[@Grace-hm7jy]

Thank You!! I have been pulling to develop empathy for my friend who is so so ill, yet keep missing the mark. Your video was so helpful. I can do what you taught. You filled in the missing piece for me - being totally present with them. I realize that as they were talking, I was already formulating my answer without hearing them out completely. You're a very good teacher.

[@RafaKalapa]

Hi Linda. I'm glad you liked the video and that this piece around being present was helpful. Please feel free to stay in touch.

[@tete4now]

You are an amazing educator, speaker, presenter! I love love this video!! Thorough, clear, well paced, great examples, etc.

[@RafaKalapa]

Thank you, Terri. I'm VERY glad you liked it, and I appreciate that you took the time to comment.

[@chartran3225]

That cleared up empathy for me. Thank you for sharing!

[@RafaKalapa]

I'm so glad. Thank you for taking the time to comment, Charliyn!

[@diegomunoz4867]

Thank you. I work as a teacher and some times I try to teach them the different facets of language in comunication; this is the kind of things I like to share with them.

[@cherie3000]

just be present, slow things down, wow, really great video! i am actually going to re-listen to this video again.

[@momlulu66]

Great video. We used it in our NVC course, and it was very helpful in explaining and understanding exactly what empathy is. So thank you for uploading it.

[@MJ-sw5mq]

Thank you for amazing video Alan. I have learned a lot about what really is Empathy. Have a great day. Marta

[@dodarededidatum]

so clear and concise. I'm very grateful for both of these things. Thank you!

[@chrisslavens3423]

One of the better videos on this topic i have watched. Thank you!

[@yingluzou3160]

Hi Alan, I'm from China and youtube is banned here. I watched this video through and through and it really touched me, it made me realize that I was so lack of empathy and how badly I needed it. Since your video helped me so much but most Chinese would not have a chance to watch and get inspiration from it, may I ask your favor to allow me to repost this video to youku (a Chinese video website just like youtube) and translate your scripts into Chinese? I look forward to your response. Thank you.

[@RafaKalapa]

yes, no problem! :-)

[@RafaKalapa]

If you do create a video with Chinese subtitles, would you share it with me? I have other contacts there with whom I can share it as well. Thank you.

[@yingluzou3160]

Hi Alan, sure thing! Here it is: v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMjcxMzIzODUzNg==.html?spm=a2h3j.8428770.3416059.1

[@RafaKalapa]

AWESOME!!! So cool!!

[@saidfarid6382]

Hi dear professor Thank you so much for your help and advice. I really appreciate your job. I wish you peace and happiness under the sky of prosperity. All the best. Take care and have a good time. Your follower from Algeria

[@braidpalmer5491]

Hi Alan I am a counselling student and that video showed me so much about my own way of communication, thanks hope you are well!

[@RafaKalapa]

:-) wishing you the best, too, Braid. Thanks for taking the time.

[@dianehaas184]

Nice video Alan. I am appreciating your presence on youtube!

[@RafaKalapa]

Thank you, Diane!!

[@ravisharma5761]

Just be present and keep your mind cool(through meditations)

[@sukayamieure7712]

The examples really nailed it Alan. Thanks

[@mskeshion]

This is a great presentation. He is also a very good speaker.

[@skionen1781]

Excellent stuff, thanks for sharing.

[@whitehawkjulie]

Thank you Alan, I really enjoyed watching that, very practical and useful!!!

[@RafaKalapa]

Hi Julie:I'm really glad you liked it!~Alan

[@Eonirrrrrr]

This is very insightful video, I learned many things, thankyou very much.

[@niky9965]

The biggest take away for me was: Sympathy is when you resonate with what someone is going through Empathy is compassionate understanding

[@fixmeifixyou9962]

Thank you so much for this video

[@Randinoish]

I am trying to do my best at researching empathy to understand it, so that I may use it as an attribute of mine. This was an incredibly educational video!!! Thanks man!!!

[@RafaKalapa]

Wow! Awesome! (you're welcome)

[@gregknibbs1347]

Thanks Allan , clear precise information

[@RafaKalapa]

Thank you, Greg!

[@mskarenwyness]

This is amazing thank you

[@mugsydean]

great vid, i do think those strings from the sitar that are silent and listen to the frequency of the stings next to them then involuntarily match the vibration of the neighboring strings, really seem like a great analogy for empathy, even if they are named after the more cognitive sympathy.

[@RafaKalapa]

@enlighteneveryone Thank you. More videos are on their way... Thanks again for viewing and commenting. I'm glad you liked it.

[@RafaKalapa]

Hi mugsydean. Thank you for commenting! There are many definitions of empathy, but in Nonviolent Communication we use them in a specific way. This is why I am defining my terms. I think you and I are using the terms "empathy" and "sympathy" with the opposite definitions, which is fine; I don't see either as "right" or "wrong." As long as we are clear about what we mean then we can have mutual understanding.

[@matthewhardy8818]

Thank you for your video

[@tpires32]

Enjoyed the video. Thanks

[@RafaKalapa]

+Toneka Pires Thanks for letting me know. I'm glad you enjoyed it...

[@NEMO-pj7vu]

Alan great stuff! Thank YOU!

[@RafaKalapa]

Thank you, IamVC. I just checked out your video: kzbin.info/www/bejne/mXy7iamua9RrsLc Great message! We have to be the viral change. Have you seen: The Pyramid of Enlightened Results? kzbin.info/www/bejne/n5XXaIt6YraeqLM I have a feeling you'll dig it.

[@albertogarciaardiles]

Thanks Alan, it helped me a lot!

[@RafaKalapa]

+Alberto García Thank you! I'm glad you liked it!

[@ahtoshkaa]

Thank you Alan, this is a wonderful and insightful video. A lot more people should view this, i would really recommend you to revise your Tags.

[@angelotheil8169]

Thanks alot for sharing

[@RafaKalapa]

mugsydean, thank you for your comment. I re-listened at 3:15 and, no, I actually mean empathy - in the way we use it in Marshall Rosenberg's model, Nonviolent Communication (NVC). If you look up "empathy" on wikipedia you'll see that there are over a dozen definitions, and they are all correct. We understand each other when we're clear which one we mean. As a Certified Trainer in NVC, I'm using it in a specific way - as I define it in this video. Thank you for engaging and for the conversation.

[@yaelbrisker]

Thank you!! Looking forward to watching some more of your work!

[@arishanasir2262]

Sympathy is feeling bad for someone else because of something that has happened to them.Sympathy is a feeling of pity or sense of compassion .The ability to feel sympathy for others is a great part of what make us human, and it's what compels us to reach out and offer help. It is the feeling or expression of support and agreement:

[@rere137]

Thanks Alan. Great presentation and explanation.

[@miriambrown6229]

I subscribed. Thank you!

[@RafaKalapa]

It's an honor to have you as a subscriber! 🙏

[@RafaKalapa]

Hi Lisa! Thank you for taking the time to comment. I'm really glad you liked the video and that it was useful to you.

[@justme8841]

Thank you. That was very helpful. :)

[@RafaKalapa]

Mohammed As'ad, you wrote: Thanks Alan. Great presentation and explanation. My Reply: You're welcome! Thank you for taking the time to comment! I'm very glad you liked it. I just put out a new (free) Video Training Series that you can access at the BlackbeltCommunicationSkills link that is in the video description. If you liked "How to DO Empathy" you're going to really like these videos! Thank you again for writing...

[@cristianpetri1]

Great video ! Thank you !

[@abdelrahmanksm]

great video ... t was really helpful to prepare for a medical school interview :)

[@RafaKalapa]

Awesome!

[@RafaKalapa]

+abdelrahman “me” khaled how did the interview go?

[@abdelrahmanksm]

I am in my first year of med school so I can say it went well, thanks for asking as well .... again great video thanks!

[@RafaKalapa]

@yaelbrisker Go for it! I'm glad you liked it...

[@barimabassaw684]

Hey, really like this

[@bxlis]

could do make a video ,a sample of a conversation between persons ? the empathy language, thanks

[@RafaKalapa]

+any more Thank you for your suggestion. I have this on a list of potential future videos to do...

[@bxlis]

great to hear!

[@GenieCoach]

thanks Alan, that's brilliant

[@Trobynski]

Hello, I realise this video is old, but it prompted a question in me I wonder if you could answer. Do Narcisissists actually have empathy impairment or Sympathy impairment??

[@RafaKalapa]

Hey, thank you for the comment!! I'm glad you liked the video! Please: would you reply and tell me what tags you think I should be using?? Thank you! ~Alan

[@veronicamoody3981]

Actually, I am now confused because I've read that a person can have empathy for another person through having had a similar experience. There are different types of empathy, and according to many sources, emotional empathy is one type which can often happen because a person has had a similar or maybe the same experience.

[@annieoliverandrade463]

Some examples or live cases of empathy would help

[@RafaKalapa]

yes! I totally agree! I'm guessing that would contribute to your need for learning and understanding. Do I have that right? This video is almost 10 years old! :-o Maybe it's time for an update? Thank you for taking the time to offer feedback.

[@majayjayiel8061]

great :)

[@yaelbrisker]

Great video..mind if I do something similar in Hebrew?

[@mugsydean]

Thanks for the fast response. When I first listened to that point where you said, "in empathy there is this aspect of I am not home", I first took that as being unavailable emotionally, etc. I realize after another listen, it more of a "I'm not busy thinking, so I can listen fully", type of I'm not home, not a "cold emotionless" type I'm not home. Guess that's maybe the type of "I'm not home" emotional unavailability used in Sympathy. Good Stuff.

[@LoraIsTheName]

I am a sociopathic nineteen year old girl, who just recently became self aware and wants to change. My lack of affective empathy is why I can't feel guilt remorse and emotional connections to people. What can I do?

[@dave199010]

ask them how they feel about different things. how your actions make them feel. Try to imagine how you'd feel if similar things happened to you. Try to understand how people think. If all of that fails for you worst case scenario now at least you understand people better and can manipulate them more easily to get what you want. Also might be a good idea to ask yourself what it is that is motivating you to try and make a change in the first place. Keep studying always

[@mayatbee4223]

I feel sad because I discovered I didn't recieve much of that as a kid and now I am not giving much.

[@kalpaashhar6522]

Its not about you, or your experiences. It's about the other person

[@mugsydean]

at 3:15 I think he mens to say SYMPATHY.

[@sierrafoster6700]

I don't feel empathy and I'm self aware of this now. So I try to fake it, most of the time I just sound sarcastic, and make it worse. I can put myself in their shoes but I just can't care.

[@mugsydean]

Thanks for the fast response. When I first listened to that point where you said, "in empathy there is this aspect of I am not home", I first took that as being unavailable emotionally, etc. I realize after another listen, it more of a "I'm not busy thinking, so I can listen fully", type of I'm not home, not a "cold emotionless" type I'm not home. Guess that's maybe the type of "I'm not home" emotional unavailability used in Sympathy. Good Stuff.

[@saidfarid6382]

Hi dear professor Thank you so much for your help and advice. I really appreciate your job. I wish you peace and happiness under the sky of prosperity. All the best. Take care and have a good time. Your follower from Algeria