How to Face the Truth When It Hurts

Today, we’re talking with a woman who’s just learned her stepkids have threesomes with one another, a man struggling to move on from his codependent marriage, and a mom wondering how to talk to her son about the fire that destroyed his school.
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[@erikhuisman2487]

Well suddenly my life sounds like there's nothing wrong after that first call...

[@Molly.Blaylock]

😂😂😂😂😂😂 right!?

[@christiangenger]

😶😬🫣🫠🫥

[@christiangenger]

All that to say “whoa… agreed”

[@SunnyRos]

😂😂

[@lavenderkisses9461]

Calling your mom is still something I do in my 40’s😂 it’s pretty much still a thing with most women

[@aelh123]

Yeah the older I get, the more I realize my mom is extremely wise ! I felt it was so rude for him to call her a “little girl” for asking her mom for advice 🙄 NOW the FB poll ? Girllllll that is Highshool behavior

[@debbielockhart7762]

Hmm,not most women I know. I don't call my mom very often, and never for life advice. My partner talks to his mom constantly.

[@lavenderkisses9461]

@@debbielockhart7762 must just depend-my friends are haps and half

[@courtneyriley185]

God i wish i had a relationship like you do with you mom...😢

[@Olive47223]

I'm mom of 3 adult sons. They call me, their wives call me. I would says it's a rare day I don't hear from all of them. But also I do understand my place. I don't interfere in marriage relationships, I can respect boundaries. I wish he would have expounded on why he believes it's not a positive thing to have a parent as a friend after you've reached 30-35. Edit: confidant would be a better word than friend.

[@HelloHappyOne]

First caller’s situation has major Jerry Springer vibes.

[@Mszahnclass95]

No kidding 😂

[@brandyk]

Lol I know. I've been binge listening for about 6 months and never heard anything quite like this, which I'm quite happy about. Lol. But it's good that she called as it's not something you can just ask anyone about. I always love how John is able to break the problem down to it's core.

[@teachercaron]

If I were that first caller, I would definitely be calling my mom for advice, too! Whew 🤦🏼‍♀️ I draw the line at the Facebook poll, though 😬

[@yingyang7448]

The information that the step mom found out is too personal to be shared with the mother.

[@aelh123]

@@yingyang7448it doesn’t seem too personal, he just talked about it at the nail salon casually lol

[@sheanaguthrie6021]

She should have called her mum more often before marrying into this family

[@GwenMotoGirl]

Second caller is me in a thousand ways. I’m taking notes, planning actions, and getting the book. Past therapists have never heard me in the way that Dr. John heard the caller. Amazing call.

[@Mysterious_Moon]

Same, friend. I understand how you feel. I started to cry over this.

[@GwenMotoGirl]

@@Mysterious_Moon I hope you get your complete healing. Truly. Thank you for your message.

[@graciegg24]

"How you do anything, is how you do everything" Martha Beck. This quote has help me grow and own my stuff, and it's amazing for making tough decisions.

[@kimberlysmith7625]

Great quote! Thank you for sharing!

[@stacyzimmerman9046]

A lot of daughters call their mothers to discuss things and she did not need to be told she is somehow immature by calling her “mommy”. Ridiculous

[@mimimonster]

Wow. That first call. No matter what my kids tell me moving forward , I’m going to remember this call. It’s all about perspective. But the FACEBOOK POLL??? Whaaaa??

[@zitroanor]

C'mon! Caller 1 faced a situation that was disturbing and no one acknowledged the gravity- OF COURSE she called a safe and sane person. She's 26 and in over her head. Not wrong IMO. She and spouse need to address how they'll handle all of the adult kids not just the one who said something. FB? 🤦‍♀️

[@chrisoneal2718]

Good morning everyone! I hope you have a wonderful day!

[@actuallyterry]

She told her mom? 🤯 She made a Facebook Poll?!?!?!?!?!🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

[@peterlee584]

I know!! That shocked me too.

[@d3l1ghts5]

She’s 21…

[@peterlee584]

@@d3l1ghts5 She's 26, actually.

[@calliecocchiola-holley3929]

She sounded pretty immature and quite naive… i cannot wrap my head around making a fb poll about someone’s private sex life. 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@22Steamboat]

Always a great show. Love John’s compassion, expertise and enthusiasm.

[@CaliCoast805_lovin_life]

Alex...you were in a group of people who were not in the same spot where you are like John said. Codependents often end up with selfish unhealthy people. John 🎯 .... those angry people were not where you are on your healing journey. I didn't understand that until I did the work. You got this! I hope you are doing well!! Healing, love and peace to everyone!

[@jenniferfinney7533]

This is to do with Brigette. My worry for her is that her stepson's sense of boundaries are so screwed up that it may only be a matter of time before he hits on her. In fact, he just dropped this in the conversation and left it hanging out in the open. This makes me wonder if he's not only testing her but gaging his Dad for his reaction. She def. needs to have CLEAR boundaries around this person and if she doesn't have that talk with her husband, this has the potential for serious heartache. Sooner rather than later.

[@leahwilliams3618]

I'm 46 and I would call my mom too!!😂

[@Olive47223]

I wish he would have expounded on why he believes it is inappropriate (he sounded kind of disgusted) to having a parent as a confidant or friend. I am referring to adults who are over 30. I have 3 adult sons. It's a rare day that I don't speak to them and their wives daily. But I do understand boundaries. I don't interfere in marriages. They also have good relationships with each other.

[@elainenilsson5472]

If you're a giver, giving is what you are going to do. It's not an option, lol...because giving is what makes you happy.

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

There's a difference between judgmental and having boundaries. You're allowed to distance yourself from behaviors and attitudes that you don't agree with. Moral relativism has worked to disempower people.

[@mmkvoe6342]

Right? It's really the beauty of undeniable power of choice...that when every other "reason" gets knocked down, we can validly still say, "It's my preference" (...and hey, isn't that what supposedly the relativism etc. is supposed be championing most?)

[@bettymagsam3048]

Codepence no more the book really opened my eyes

[@CC2GO]

Wow. Ive losing sleep for weeks and last night was the worst, all over my close proximity with somebody whose integrity and lifestyle are so different than mine. I needed to hear the first caller to give me the extra push I need to set my boundaries.

[@bettymagsam3048]

Find a Codependence meeting. I’m from Green Bay Wi and we have one here so does Madison WI. There are more out there also in different areas. If he doesn’t build his self esteem he’s going to be codependent on his next woman. I feel it’s the right direction and it was right for me.

[@Tyler-Woody]

Mann. Mannnnn!! This episode hits home hard-the peacemaker aspect from first caller. Second caller : I was overweight growing up, used my hatred for myself to lose weight. Have gained it all back because of traumatic surgery and disability.

[@8099toCHRIST]

All my respect Dr John! True mortgage help for low income would be thru NACA also! Just sharing sincerely ❤

[@brennanleyen]

What is wrong with calling your mom? 🤔

[@brandyk]

Yeah I wasn't so sure about that but sounds like he said it bit off handed n wasn't the main point. The caller is only 26 and in this day n age in particular I don't think there's anything wrong with asking your Mom especially if it comes up quite naturally while you're already spending time with her rather than a seperate advice call. If the mother was over bearing as some are and especially as the caller ages then it might be wise to roll that back. But speaking with friends you trust who have good head on their shoulder is wise too.

[@SB_McCollum]

First caller: the dad knew already and advised the son to break it to her at the nail salon where she had to be polite and not ask further questions. He and the son are triangulating her. It's his business and he can get another young wife. She will figure this out eventually, and I hope she doesn't have all her money tied up in the business. She needs to start hiding cash with her mother, she's gonna need it.

[@moonbeampixiedusttarot4969]

THE GREATEST PODCAST EVER

[@classicanonymous4604]

👏 yes Third Eye Blind I love that song ♥️ Thank you for the insight that it's okay to be sad and show other emotions 👏♥️

[@brandyk]

Hoping the best for all these callers n always learn from their bravery in sharing. With all due respect to Alex id like the challenge him a kittle bit here about his hangups on this divorced label as well as his seeming repulsion about the angry people in the divorced support group. While i understand that he might be in a better place then they are right now that is to be expected in any group. He certainly has every right to find a group of some sort that better fits where be is currently at, he almost seemed angry at them which gave .e a judgemental vibe. Maybe its more recent for them or maybe they are actually working through their anger in proper way rather than trying to wallpaper over it which he may be doing and not realize for years.its a possibility and i only say this bc he seemed so contemptuous of them all. Maybe he could have even stayed longer or went little less often and offered support as it is a support group after all and everyone does not need to be in the same exact place. John also made this suggestion that he likely has talked alot about what he's been through and may be time to put it down n turn the focus outside of himself and this might have been a great way to do that rathrr than going to volunteer with the blind or something he likely knows little about. John's advice is good and i have considered it myself so this was a good reminder. Unfortunately with my car not working for some time I'm very limited n while i too need to put down my story at some point there is a particular challenge im facing that requires it still be front n center often. But im hoping only another 2-3 months. I do believe therapy n working on yourself n understanding yourself n your story is important it definitely can make you too focused on yourself if you are not careful.

[@kimberlysmith7625]

Caller #1.....you married too young and to a much older man with children nearly your own age that you met on FB. You are staring down the barrel of your future. By virtue of being human, your husband will always put the needs, wants and desires of his biological children before you. This is the role you volunteered for. You are much too young to forfeit the best years of your life to this kind of nonsense. Know that you are worthy of so much more.

[@jeradkiester698]

Social media has ruined her life.

[@kimberlysmith7625]

@@jeradkiester698 ...social media is the global scourge.

[@yingyang7448]

@@jeradkiester698 She let social media ruin her life.

[@melanieb2132]

I couldn't listen to the first call. These are people who are actively trying not to be moral in the slightest. Yuck.

[@kathleenhillier6765]

Yes!! Occupy your local venue! 🤘

[@sarahs7253]

So why do ypu think you cant ask your mother anything.?

[@CaliCoast805_lovin_life]

#1. Why would you share that with parents??? Who cares that's between them and they shouldn't share such personal and irrelevant info. 🙃

[@jangrosemartindale8740]

Noooo! Hot Topic has Twilight merchandise!!! 69 & happy❤😂❤

[@barbiesergio7663]

The first caller makes my life feel like a snooze fest.

[@8099toCHRIST]

Isn't that building a wall? Against a family member? I don't fully understand or agree

[@hopekorf6729]

Gateway church has an awesome men's group

[@heidimartin859]

I'm suspicious that he didn't do it and was just trying to get his dad to respond to ANYTHING. Or trying to make his dad fight with his wife. But SERIOUSLY? Get together with older women to talk BUT NOT YOUR MOTHER. Unbelievable.

[@solgold24]

Two brothers having sex is incest! This is ILLEGAL in Maryland! John just blew by that - maybe because it was mentioned over manicures. Maybe he wanted to get to the point that the caller is immature (meeting a husband almost 20 yrs old via FB, involving mommy in her marital woes instead of a trusted friend or professional, & taking a FB poll) & needs to grow up, realize her husband may have modeled all kinds of bad behavior to his sons, & recognize that if you can't trust a person IRL then he's not going to be trustworthy in business. Why her husband thought it was a good idea to have the 20 yr old quit his job in another town to work w/them in Baltimore was never explained. Think John realized she wasn't going to get anything he said. He's usually good at getting a caller to understand something! Not this one.

[@TheShubLub]

On the point about incest being illegal. What was she going to do? Call the police who can't do anything anyway and completely ruin her relationship with her husband? They don't do it anymore, and there wouldn't be anyway to prosecute them anyway.

[@solgold24]

@@TheShubLub Illegal stuff IRL means he'll do illegal stuff in the family business.

[@bufficliff8978]

Having a threesome doesn't mean he plowed his brother

[@jenniferfinney7533]

I couldn't agree more. I hope she takes action and doesn't ignore her gut too long. This is insidious.

[@ruthclark8680]

Alex meeting new ppl,....say I'm single

[@bellamichelle6248]

🤣 definitely hot topic needs to be closed for those over 24. 😂😂😂😂

[@bellamichelle6248]

Dude. No no no. I understand loving your children no matter what. Condoning certain behaviors are next level. Maybe his family does it.

[@christiangenger]

I had so many questions… that realistically I’ll never want answered… but she should! What?!?! Like, really… how does that even… never mind, I don’t want to know! I’d leave! That’s too too too much! ✌️💨

[@8099toCHRIST]

Why is all the blame on the stepson instead of both sons?

[@patchrudinsky6125]

Living in Nashville ,do you like country music?

[@allil87]

Great

[@kellibuzzard9431]

Opening comments: so, wearing less concert t-shirts to your adult job, then? Ha.

[@bellamichelle6248]

Peacemakers suck. 😭 I’ve been one

[@jenniferfinney7533]

Same. It does suck. Sucks the light out of your life to the nth degree .exhausting isn't it?

[@bellamichelle6248]

@@jenniferfinney7533 yep. People take advantage all the time. I probably could buy a nice house for the amount of money I’ve let people “borrow” and too scared to ask for back. I should have been more selfish now I’m too old to do a u-turn Just keep going on.

[@joannawrzelikowska3273]

26 and 43 ? She wanted to be a hospice nurse 💀

[@Rotting12]

Dude wtf is that first call

[@carloswithac]

The second caller irritated me. 😂

[@sabrinaliu66]

First

[@gammayin3245]

Dr. Deloney, I don't have enough time or room for the millions of thumbs up you get today. 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍