Not On The Same Page In A Romantic Relationship? (Watch This)

[@christie4951]

I appreciate the vulnerability of the first couple showing up together for this episode. They want their marriage to work and that’s beautiful. Praying for them for them that they make their way through this and are stronger for it.

[@elizabetha8565]

I loved John's story. When my parents didn't take care of me and my siblings and cps said whatever the LDS stepped in and helped with EVERYTHING. even though I don't believe, that church will always be home. Hopefully one day I can help someone anyone like they helped me and my family.

[@joyparker3116]

Believe in God! He won’t let us down ❤!

[@bffoxjr]

I don't believe the mythology, but I do appreciate the way the LDS church really cares for their congregation. A lot of the tithe money goes toward funerals and caring for destitute widows.

[@soul1380]

Salvation only comes from Jesus. There is nothing else we can do to earn salvation. Any church teaching we must work our way to heaven negates the completed propitiation of what Christ did on the cross. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. JESUS, alone, brings eternal life.

[@couchpotato498]

My father grew up in a small poor town in Mexico 1970’s. His favorite song is called ‘casas de carton’(Cardboard Houses) because it resonates with the pain that he felt as a kid. The only reason why he’s a business owner with a 2story house in OC is because his church fed his 6 siblings and him when dad would take all the family savings and dip. He did this every couple months and spent his time away at local bars and cheap hotels. He abused my grandma and his children as well. Now I know why he was so insistent on us kids being Christian. Just wish he had done it better.

[@imbomi7845]

Erica!! This happened to my friend and she did exactly what Dr. John suggested. The guy was just in so much shock to the point to paralyzed him (figuratively speaking). So she asked him straight up what's going on and now they're dating. He liked her back but was just unable to express it because he's never seen himself in a romantic relationship. You just never know. Everyone has their reasons. It's 50-50. He may or may like you but you won't know til you give that 100% and get that answer.

[@HelloFromAotearoaNewZealand]

John did so awesome on this one. He's so good at breaking things down and building them back up in the best way possible

[@justinewhite-hadley3138]

The 1st couple makes me sad and hopeful at the same time. The LDS church has an incredible rate of depression and suicide. Their expectations are almost impossible for any human. I grew up going to the church with my best friend. I never got baptized because I don't agree with some of their doctrines either. Their emphasis in family is Amazing. The very best. But no man is perfect. The emphasis should be on Jesus and His gift of forgiveness. Not all the works you have to do to look good in a church. Just my 2 cents anyhow. I wish them the very best!!

[@trainwreckaf]

Nice

[@baddog6003]

There's a lot of superficiality in Mormonism. I've had a lot of Mormon friends and I've seen it. Very showy. I still like a lot of the people but it doesn't surprise me at all that there's an ugly underbelly.

[@barbaraday7662]

Once you scratch the surface, it’s a very toxic church, super racist in some wards too.

[@KindCalmKaila]

53:00 Erica, he's just not that into you. And that's fine-- at least he isn't trying to use you or waste your time. Good job sharing your feelings with him, but Sis, move on.

[@Mysterious_Moon]

It sucks, but I wouldn’t waste my time if he can’t be clear or honest. Plenty others out there.

[@JKNat9004]

@@Mysterious_Moon Especially if she's 30, and a good amount of life ahead of her, compared to him.

[@srk7679]

There was so much wisdom in your advice on such a sensitive topic. It’s amazing how your advice would ring true to both believers and non-believers at the same time. Much respect.

[@rebekahwilson7703]

Yes it is incredibly difficult to have respect for someone when you truly do believe that they’re wrong/they’ve been duped. I don’t necessarily see that as the same as thinking they’re stupid. I know it can but that’s not always the case.

[@ariasworld9991]

👏👏

[@wf4983]

I don't know. I think there is a little bit more to this. The husband really needs to be heard and understood. I think he feels betrayed by the church - and he needs a lot more understanding than what the wife can possibly offer while still seeing her beliefs and her church in a positive way. I think the husband needs his thoughts validated in a stronger way. It's just for now; he will be able to see it more balanced later. Yes, it's good advice from John to speak with likeminded people. He is now alone with all his Informationen and nobody to confirm his thoughts.

[@Candypack1]

I think that’s why John suggested he search out people to talk with.

[@analozada9475]

💯

[@sarahcouture24]

I think this show is quality. Dr john is very smart and highly ethical. I can tell hes a good person with good intentions. Very professional and responsible in his advice.

[@sharkman027]

The next time the battle of the bands takes place we need video. I want to see Delony shred!

[@FaivenFeshazion]

Wow!! Loved the format of the call with the couple!

[@CynthiaHutchinson-c1m]

I understand the situation that Trey is talking about. I lost my husband two years ago, and now I have anxiety. It's taken me a good while to realize that the anxiety is coming from the loss. Life is so uncertain and short. I thought I was getting through this, but I underestimated my situation I guess.

[@theshunnedBandersnatch]

Rooting for you, Erica! I hope y'all were able to talk and come to something concrete. I'm close to your age and recently expressed my feelings to an older man (same age as yours) I've been friends with for a while. Turns out he felt the same way, which was a very happy surprise 😄

[@el-ug8zx]

Great advice John for caller two, the helping vs fixing, the healing vs broken, th e helping her get stronger and ask and listen to what she needs vs taking autonomy from her even tho trying to help. I have been struggling with things and my partner took control, he did what he thought even when I would say that's not where I need the help, it got to where I felt worse with him than on my own, but felt afraid I suddenly couldn't handle being on my own. Having control on your thoughts and feelings and wants and needs, it's vital to feeling like a whole person vs a shadow of who you once were..

[@dahliacheung6020]

This was a great episode full of people with big hearts and I loved it!

[@marymoore41]

Dr John, I had to listen to your podcast while watching the Ravens’ playoff game to calm myself down. 😂💜🏈

[@sarahcouture24]

Thank you for saying no "you need to"s or "you should"s I hate when people are intolerant of my feelings, or when they act like something is wrong with me for having an emotional response to a bad situation. Why don't they teach this stuff in schools? It would alleviate so much suffering for people if folks had a modicum of emotional intelligence....

[@Wallbank888]

I noticed a few other people in the comments irritated by John saying there's no such thing as atheism. When John says this, he is paraphrasing David Foster Wallace. I found when I looked up the quote to get some context, Mr. Wallace has point, but he's making it poorly. Wallace is suggesting that everyone worships something. I disagree. And his main point is when you worship something that isn't a god, the act will consume you. On this I do agree. I think Wallace's statement comes close to a valid point but misses the mark. I've never met someone who doesn't have faith in something. An atheist still needs to build a world view and a moral code. You just can't be fully informed on every possible subject. We defer to sources we trust, we put faith in them. If we aren't careful, that faith will cause us to overlook when things don't add up.

[@alancox9024]

Husband is 120 percent correct!!!

[@kareenodum1734]

I wished you asked him to state what the "harm" he was talking about. I grow up in the church and got sealed in the temple and see no harm in anything the Doctrine says to do. Pray, read your scriptures, pay your tithing and be a follower of Christ??

[@ChristianOne]

Hmmm...maybe the Luciferianism at the root and in the temple? The connections to Freemasonry? The pedophilia covered up by top leadership? The real facts about Joseph Smith that Mormon church history likes to leave out? Maybe Meadows Massacre? Maybe the anti-biblical teachings (like that humans can become Gods in future)? Maybe polygamist or rascist teachings? There are PILES of lies, evil, and crazy under the Mormon church. But the surface layer can be very lovely. But Lucifer can also appear as an angel of light to deceive, so....gotta be careful.

[@juliasutherland5970]

Send your kids into private "priesthood interviews" every year where untrained volunteers ask them about sexual practices, including masturbation and all the details of any "sins" they may have committed? If you're female and you do have any experiences (including non consensually) you're compared to a licked cupcake or a chewed piece of gum, and most women can't shake those comparisons even after marriage, so physical relationships (even "celestial" ones) are often extremely difficult. Also your "leadership" has the right speak to you as if they were Christ to tell you what you should be doing and what "callings" you have whether you want to or not, and if you disagree "doubt your doubts". I have friends who literally starved on their missions and felt they didn't have the right to even say anything about it, due to a combination of keeping positive and not "speaking ill of the Lord's anointed". Plus the fact that everyone owes 10% of all income to the church, including those suffering in poverty. I could go on and on. The sugar coating was so thick I couldn't see when I was in, so I don't blame them but I feel so bad for my family and all the members now I'm out. Everyone I know who figures it out (I know dozens personally and the stories of hundreds) takes years of therapy/deconstructing to recover.

[@coffeedrinkingisnotasin6049]

Reach out to the podcast marriage on a tight rope. It is about mixed faith marriages. This is specifically a Mormon and ex mormon couple that run this.

[@nicklowe_]

John: This is the listener plot twist (Starts show with a clip of the husband speaking)

[@MessagesFromAurora]

1st call 4:01 2nd call 37:26

[@aguyandhiscomputer]

8:10 She thinks drinking the kool-aid is a good thing? That's scary.

[@kristinenelson990]

With the LDS couple, overall John handled it quite well, especially how he quoted Jesus in the Bible deconstructing many things. Jesus said, "Now it is this way." I was born and raised in the LDS church, it truly does harm children. It takes years and years to overcome the striving for worthiness & perfection, the self-doubt, & the prescribed path to marriage in the temple. Ultimately, for me, peace was solely found in the Jesus of the Bible & I found this through wise cousel. The Bible and the Book of Mormon contradict one another in so many ways. The Jesus of Mormonism is completely different than the Biblical Jesus. I really respect Brandon for being so level-headed & doing quality research. He was not condescending to his wife. It is very scary to leave the LDS church but there is freedom on the other side. We have an LDS care & support group if anyone is in need. (Please reach out ❤)

[@kaizenborntowin]

She is 30 and the guy is 53! Yikes!

[@JKNat9004]

There's a segment of just her call, and nearly all the viewers, say she just needs to move on, and express disdain at the vast age difference.

[@DylanWOWilliams]

53 and never been married. That guy has developed some strong neuro pathways of bachelorhood that he most likely will never be able to move past. It’s gonna be rough.

[@keepyourheadup9183]

I want to see video footage of Ramsey Battle of the Bands! Also, please link the bands social media!

[@daviddougherty114]

Hmmm, not sure I would call leaving your faith as "growing" per se. That might be a bit offensive to some due to the connotation that is attached to the word "growing." I might have just said changing beliefs in place of growing in this circumstance. I wonder what the wife thought to herself when she heard that. He is growing and what is she doing? Not growing, being left behind, brainwashed, intellectually inferior...

[@josephtorre9554]

Good morning Ram Fam, what's up Dr. John

[@hardworkpays1929]

Thank you guys John,Kelly everyone start my mornings out everyday listening.

[@dachater1]

Not sure John nailed this one. Advising him to stop researching and rather go speak to wise people - who would he go to? Someone in the Mormon faith will just want to keep him where he is. Anyway, I pray God will send them the right people and give them wisdom on this road and lead them into the truth and closer to one another.

[@alyross2850]

Oh gosh. I have been talking about the “before and after” for decades. My first husband died at 29 and everything in my mind was before and after. The last time I was at this grocery store, he was still alive. It was hard to go places but thankfully I had my 3 kids to make sure I had to.

[@bondarem]

Love John's response to the last caller.

[@kingssingersgirl]

Kristi, I'm LDS as well, so please feel free to reach out to me if you're watching this. I'm willing to be here as a support and a friend for you if you need it

[@Qwackdawack]

Are you a sister wife?

[@sarahcouture24]

The Mormon callers situation is interesting because, although I really appreciate the wife's open-minded and tolerant outlook on her husbands decision to no longer attend the Mormon church, I like how she is willing to take turns and let the kids make their own choice regarding religious beliefs, I also can understand the husbands perspective as well. If he strongly feels that the teachings of that religion are not in alignment with his values, or if he doesn't buy into the theology at all and thinks it's bogus, then I would not want to fill my kids heads up with that nonsense either. It would be confusing and might lead to unnecessary inner conflict. Not to mention Mormonism is rather culty, I wouldn't want to submit my children to being involved a destructive cult. No offense.

[@libertysprings2244]

The husband is right on this in my opinion. I've been married 30 years so these type of issues are part of marriage like it or not. People's beliefs change over time. Luckily God gives the solution: Ephesians 5:24 24 The church follows the lead of Christ. In the same way, wives should follow the lead of their husbands in everything. I personally think y'all should just go to a regular church for awhile. Honestly the Mormon church is a little on the extreme side. I used to be in a Mormon church women's group and they taught us to dress up and put on makeup for when our husbands get home so the husband would be less tempted by the fancy looking women at work. Do y'all have daughters? Is that what you want them to hear? The Mormon church has levels of Heaven. Do you want th kids to think their Dad might be going to a different level of Heaven than them because he doesn't wear the sacred undergarments? Think about that. Find a church y'all can compromise on. Presbyterian doesn't even talk about anyone ending up in Hell or levels of Heaven.

[@Kurodarkness]

I’m chuckling at the makeup thing cuz that was definitely something more locally believed/taught rather then what the church leaders/doctrine teaches. I remember hearing more, “hey you don’t have to put on coats and coats of makeup to look pretty because you’re beautiful just the way you are.” Not saying your point is invalid, but that so many impressions people can have of any church group is actually specific people opinions rather then church beliefs.

[@libertysprings2244]

@@Kurodarkness ha ha! So true! I didn't even think about that possibility.

[@sackettfamily4685]

Also just pointing out........ Mormons are a cult off shoot of "Christianity". Several exist and some jide so well, it's impossible to tell it was one. Like the IBLP, until you get out. Then you realize.

[@PlumPerfect]

The couple need to listen to Mormon Stories podcast!!

[@debbielockhart7762]

I'm 53, and no waynwould I even consider dating a 30 year old. I have a daighter who's 31. There is just no way I'm even interested in that. She needs to find someone closer to her own "level". Just my opinion.

[@ruthmgonigle5914]

I agree. There are some wide gaps in life experience between 30 and 53. That's how old my friends kids are. It would be tough.

[@Mike-sj9si]

That guy in his 50s who the girl in her 30s likes is just not impressing me. A 50-something year old who's THAT immature!? Would be a huge turn-off for me and not her job to help him with his own personal character development. I understand just confronting someone in the way John recommends rather than sitting around wondering, but also this 50-something guy just sounds lame unfortunately. Very rarely do situations like that actually work out. Makes me wonder what else is wrong with 50-something guy

[@Veruska75]

True. One possibility is the 50yr old didn’t take it seriously. Maybe he thought she was flirting or something, thought it was a bit weird and now hasn’t called.

[@marram2852]

Excellent show!

[@yadiraalbornoz3046]

Stop believing and start searching. Beliefs are fixed...

[@zitroanor]

23 yr gap?? There are some very practical considerations here. Kids? Senior home?? Ayyy yay yay

[@whitneyw.7919]

Creepy! She must be ugly, disabled, etc. because why the heck is she so thirsty for this old dude

[@yadiraalbornoz3046]

The husband concern may be genuine many church people experiences this...

[@mmkvoe6342]

For the first callers, I am a practicing, believing member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and I appreciate how John simply gave them some relationship language (they have to be able to say to each other, "this is what I am scared of" and the other spouse has to hear that), and how he pointed out that the kids are affected more by the behavior of closest family members and their treatment of each other than by outside stuff (I promise you that spouses can have trouble communicating and not do well at the respect game even if both of them actively believe in this Church, as evidenced by the family I grew up in :) ), and how he requested that the husband who isn't so sure about this and is having to give thought about what his kids learn talk to others instead of relying on logic or more education or doing life by himself. These are good skills no matter whether religion is "the issue" or not, which is why they are also part of the conversation when religion is.

[@yadiraalbornoz3046]

Let the kids choose their path naturally...do not impose...

[@ClaytonBigsby89]

Corresponding religious beliefs within a marriage are paramount. A child will mature and start weighing there options on there own. The parents job in general is to provide them with a cohesive household.

[@TraceyThorpe-o5b]

Awesome listen

[@kiki11974]

The last caller, that man is too old for that woman. He’s 22 years older. No wonder he went ghost.

[@karydiaz74]

Ooofff that 2nd case 'yall 🥺😭

[@ariasworld9991]

Furst couple: this was so hard to listen how John tryes to convince that man that he surly believs but he's confused... Not nice from a professional to try to convice someone that their "faith" has to be present 🤬

[@sobeliever1638]

The history informed the doctrine. You should research where he is coming from rather than keep going forward in this cult. Do a deep dive and you may find yourself out like your husband. At least this way you can tell your kids I researched and still believe and this part of my research refutes your dads views.

[@trainwreckaf]

The man in the couple call is protecting his kids. His discernment is coming from love for his children. The lady is working with her ego and what makes HER feel comfortable, forget what's true and best for the kids, it's about what makes her feel good. The real church is with in. Wake up.

[@sobeliever1638]

What does the real chuech is wihhin even mean? Would that not vary depending on each person's definition?

[@stevescott3735]

I feel like you’re being way too harsh on the wife. I honestly though both were exceedingly reasonable

[@emilyh6293]

For Kristi’s call about the Mormon church, she wants her kids to have an “open mind and personal journey” - but your husband can’t? Must keep attending with you??

[@ELLENSPROVERB]

The husband in the first call is questioning the cult his wife wants him to continue attending?? This guy is the next Kevin Franke. Someone should check in on this family with all that's coming out with the Ruby Franke case.

[@clericstorm2009]

Rock on Brandon. 🤘 Dr. John says demand evidence from feelings. Do the same for your faith.

[@yadiraalbornoz3046]

For the West Jesús was the first but not for a huge part of humanity since there are many practices fortunatly...beliefs ( religious or otherwise) generate inner-out conflict and world wars.

[@chrissy9876]

I think the woman recognizes the Mormon church isn’t the truth but she wants the community. The Mormons have a chokehold in their communities and there’s a difficulty in leaving bc their whole life will be upturned. She doesn’t even believe what her own church believes. She doesn’t believe the doctrine - bc if she did she wouldn’t have said she doesn’t believe that her kids don’t need to be baptized and married in the temple she’s directly going against what their doctrine states.

[@tinajernigan1728]

Chokehold? Like we aren't free to choose?

[@yadiraalbornoz3046]

The other option IS he can stop being mormon and she can continue...and let the kids be untouched by adulta religious beliefs...

[@dachater1]

It seems the Lord is working in her husband's heart - I pray she will have her eyes opened too! the kool-aid ain't a good thang....mormonism unfortunately has a lot of false doctrine

[@AliciaMcIntire]

I'm Mormon, and I've had a lot of friends leave. Either both people in the couple leave, or they get divorced. When you start off your marriage with your faith at the center, and one person changes, either the other person has to change too, or it falls apart. Also, what Dr. John said about Brandon acting superior is 100% true. People always act condescending and judgemental after they leave the Church like this. Honestly, they talk about how church members are judgey, but anti-Mormons are the most obnoxious people

[@mariealmon4137]

You dont need to good to go haven.

[@dayd6383]

I usually appreciate John’s perspectives but I gotta say it was a bit disappointing to hear him invalidate atheism like that. There are a whole group of people who identify as atheists and here he is, as a typical religious person, saying they don’t exist. Going hard for a diet or an exercise regime is not the same as believing in a god.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

He doesn’t invalidate atheism in fact he has talked multiple times about his spiritual journey and how he was a functioning atheist for awhile he was just making his point that everyone has something they believe that is bigger than them.

[@dayd6383]

@@flashthecorgi2053 Saying there is no such thing as an atheist is in fact invalidating atheism.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

@@dayd6383 my point is he didn’t mean that in a faith way. How can you say he invalidates and doesn’t believe in it if he was one for awhile? His point makes complete sense all he is saying is everyone worships someone or something in higher power.

[@dayd6383]

@@flashthecorgi2053 Lots of former atheists invalidate atheism because they found more peace or comfort in religion. He was one for awhile, found more comfort in being religious and is now invalidating that anyone can be an atheist. Atheism is the lack of belief in a god. Worship means praising or having a great adoration for a god. Even if people believe in ghosts or fairies or the zodiac signs, if they don’t believe in any god, they are in fact an atheist. And saying there is no such thing as atheists is in fact invalidating atheism. Doesn’t matter if he was once an atheist. You are free to say what you think he means. I’m just addressing what he said.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

@@dayd6383 No, you stated your opinion about him disappointing you because he said he didn’t believe it atheism but that’s not true he didn’t say anything about atheism about faith. He said point blank that everybody believes something higher in power than them. Which you would probably agree right?

[@singerg02]

First caller's husband is based. Mormons are not Christians. I hope he is reaching a point where he actually gets to know Jesus for real. Not the weird distorted version of Jesus that the LDS church teaches.

[@tinajernigan1728]

You have no right to call people non Christian.

[@kayplantin2625]

What kind of advice you're giving someone by telling him to stop obtaining information??? That's crazy.. How is one to learn?

[@ar15tac]

He wants him to work on his feelings. This show isn’t about how to learn math or how to do this it’s about becoming mentally healthy person. He saw this is man spiraling. And wants him to stop.

[@mariealmon4137]

Drinking the Kool aid

[@sXePunkV2]

Atheism is directly tied to a lack of belief in faith or deities. You cant connect it to crossfit or diet. That was a silly statement from John

[@sethdanielw]

It's not tied to a lack of belief in faith. Just a lack of belief in God or gods. I see why he connected it to CrossFit or diets. Some people might treat those as their religion. They might even take them more seriously than actual religious people take their own religion.

[@dayd6383]

Thank you. I was just about to type something similar but wanted to see if anyone had addressed it. Religious people are always looking for a way to disregard atheism. It’s so hard for most people to get that there are people who just don’t believe in any god and go through life without worshipping anything at all.

[@sethdanielw]

@@dayd6383 I'm not even an atheist. I'm a Cristian, but I think I understand atheism. Also, I think most people have something that they "worship", but it's just not always religious or tied to a higher power.

[@sXePunkV2]

@@sethdanielw I understand that point of taking something incredibly serious but to use that to say that "there's no such thing as an atheist", is very odd to me.

[@dayd6383]

@@sethdanielw Well going hard for a diet or a type of exercise is not the same as believing in god. A person can be considered to be worshipping their car because they lose their mind if there is a scratch on it, but if they don’t believe in a god, they are an atheist. It’s not the same thing. Atheism is the lack of belief in a god. Also worshipping really means adoring or praising a deity. Not a diet, or a thing or even a person. So no, believing that science is the best explanation for our existence is not the same as being religious. There are plenty of religious people who consider science as the best explanation as well, they just think a god was involved. There are also plenty of atheist who don’t understand or care for science.

[@nailahdawkins]

54:30: Can't she get someone her own age? Why you settling for *old* peen?

[@mariealmon4137]

You or not going to hell.