How to find self discipline

[@emilybartholme7409]

I'm not a costumer, but I love that idea of Self-Discipline as an act of Self-Love. It's so easily applied to any goal you've set for yourself.

[@joycelatham6974]

Excellent advice. I really like the idea of self discipline, as self love. It’s so true! I think it’s wise to schedule time blocks, in your day, to set aside the time for your valuable project. If I’m finding the distractions (usually something that doesn’t take as much concentration) I tell my self “ I only need to get started, put in ten minutes” and sure enough, I’m happy to be there and stay my regular scheduled time. Glad to have found your channel....can’t wait to see what you make next. Have a great day.

[@marialiyubman]

Emily Bartholme same. ❤️

[@SarahBent]

I have actual diagnosed ADHD and had the best phrase given to me. "I have ADHD so I can't do that is an excuse. I have ADHD so I have to do that differently is an explanation." There are lots of ways to get around a flighty brain. There are tons of KZbin channels devoted to coping mechanisms. It's just a matter of figuring out what works for you.

[@CraigsOverijse]

I have dyslexia and three kids with ASD and I never found that any of us used it as an excuse but Neurotypical people just do not get the extra effort it takes on occasion to sit and act normally but please do not knock it or make an excuse of it ever people with ADHD makes for the dreamers and inventors and the entrepreneurs.

[@katyrheuark3429]

So very true. As I have had to work on myself and finishing projects.

[@CanadaxNetherlands]

I have difficulty finding coping mechanisms because often times they work for a week or a month and then stop working. So i am at a point where i have no idea what to do.

[@stillmagic714]

@@CanadaxNetherlands I don't have much advice for you but I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. I feel your comment deep in my soul and I want to send you internet stranger hugs. Trying something and having it work only for awhile isn't failing, it worked for that time and now it's another time, a time for trying something new. I know it's hard not to be hard on yourself but it's ok to let past you have the past and current you find this moment's strategy.

[@spanglelime]

@@stillmagic714 I needed to hear this too. Thank you. It's been really tough. I hope I have it this time. **hugs**❤

[@ruben1475]

"Think of discipline not as a punishment, but as an act of self-love" is one of the most helpful analogies I've heard, together with "Self control is like a muscle, you have to practise it to make it stronger"

[@sparklinggrey3]

This almost made me cry Cathy, I am in the final push of a PhD that's been full of poor health and heart break, cycles of demotivation and depression, it's been a struggle to remember the reasons to carry on and be disciplined about the work. The framing of discipline as self-love is something I'd never considered before. I've had many people say "you can finish this" "you owe to it yourself" but that angle always feels like pressure. Your view has a lightness to it that makes the work feel worth it again. Thank you! (Also can't wait for the PhD to be over so I can start sewing again)

[@januzzell8631]

Here's hoping that you were able to use the ideas and lightness in Cathy's video to complete your PhD *HUGS*

[@brookeg5979]

I'm so excited for you to be able to finish the PhD that you've been working towards and then get the joy and reward to also be able to start sewing again. Sounds like two awesome rewards in one, TBH. :) You rock!

[@HelenicSeaways]

I'm watching this while in the final push of a PhD too!! I hope your process is going well, best of luck.

[@cassievanbrunt7791]

Be strong, it's in you. You have come SO Very far. You can and will SUCCEED! Go Girl!

[@jimbrittain402]

I'll bet all the money in my right front pocket, that your title is now "doctor".

[@raeperonneau4941]

Thank you for the reminder that “Self Discipline is an Act of Self Love.” This is perfect for all of those who have “real” work to do.

[@Tantejuju65]

So difficult to remember to view it as act an love when ADD

[@nicolesparks]

I feel like a lot of times self-discipline is just looking at the problem wrong. I used to belong to a health club and I was always after myself to be more disciplined about going there. When I started looking at going there as a treat, a reward for myself (I started thinking of it like a spa... they had a sauna and I'd sit in there at the end and come out feeling relaxed), it was FAR easier to get into a routine of going. I know there are things we all give up doing to work on sewing or other crafting projects. But it is much easier to skip out on those things if you frame it as "I don't have to go to the loud and very sticky bar, I can stay home and do my thing in front of the television," it becomes not "sorry, I can't do that because I have to sew," but "sorry, I have something else I want to do more. Also, that bar is really sticky. Ew."

[@CathyHay]

That's a great way to look at it! Yes, take out the sense of punishment and make it a treat. Perfect. It's all about choosing a more empowering perspective.

[@lottiebeard1638]

I have just come over from Bernadette’s Vlog where she mentioned that you have a KZbin channel. I honestly cried just reading through the titles of your videos - they spoke to me so much. I am really at a turning point in my life after a very difficult period and yours are exactly the words I really need to hear. Thank you so much, will be binge watching your channel this evening.

[@tigereyemusic]

I’m autistic, and self-discipline is hard, especially when you have more than one thing you love, and you have to fit them around a job that leaves you exhausted. But it is definitely possible, and I would say, in a way, it’s even more important for those of us with these types of issues to create a routine that allows us time to do the things we love, and for us to remember why we love them, as they can create a great source of relief and down time from the difficulties of every-day life. I am sewing a mock-up for a corset today. I don’t know if I will ever manage to make it to costume college, partly because I don’t really make costumes so much as just pretty things for me to wear, but also other reasons including money and the prospect of flying across the Atlantic from the uk by myself just to end up with a whole crowd of people of whom I know none is somewhat terrifying. But then I’ll be flying to Australia by myself later this year to play music with a bunch of folk I’ve never met before, so perhaps I’ll reevaluate once I see how that goes.

[@dreamingnight13]

As someone with ADD I can say there are ways to work around procrastinating etc. But it takes time to find a way that works for you and to practice that (still working on it myself), so remain kind to yourself. Work hard on things BECAUSE you feel you deserve the result of that hard work, not because you feel obligated to be a productive person 😊 This was a big game changer for me

[@shmhermans]

When I need to do a task that I don't really want to do right now, but will make things easier, I always tell myself "Future me will thank me for doing this right now" and than when I'm done, I feel happy and accomplished, because I just did that task I wasn't looking forward to and now I don't need to worry about it anymore.

[@inanna..]

it's been a year and a half or so since this video went up, but i'm kind of binging your channel, and thus here i am. as someone with... severe... adhd, there's a bit of pain that comes with the message of 'Even if you have ADHD, you're still in control', because sometimes, it really does not feel like i'm in control. my biggest problem isn't even the attention span. the biggest symptom i suffer from is the one that very few people talk about: memory problems. i forget things. important things, non-important things, i just forget... so much. and i hate it! i can't control it! i write something down and then later i forget where i wrote it down; i forget where i set the notebook i wrote it down in; etc, etc. but. something i've figured out (slowly) since i got into college has been that no, i don't control what i forget, but i control what i do in the moment, to help remind me later. so i have a million alarms, a million reminders on my phone, and a million daily to-do list post-it notes that i stick right on the part of my desk that i see daily. and it helps. but actually doing the things, of course, is a problem too. i think that the idea that self-discipline can be an act of self-love... may have changed my life, though. it kind of made me see my schoolwork in a different light. so. thank you! and i'm going to write it on a piece of paper all pretty to tape up where i can see it every day, as a (yet another) reminder, lmao.

[@isabellabihy8631]

Excellent, Cathy. I've ADHD, and I've found out for myself that jotting down those nagging flights of thought helps. So if I need to focus on a task and I catch wandering thoughts I jot them down to relieve my brain. After the task is finished I look at that list and if the item on the list is important I move it to my planner. Everything else gets crossed out. Most of the items are crossed out at the end of the day. It is important that you put everything within reach that you need for the task, including beverages and snacks. And plan for a short break every two hours for example. Get up, stretch your joints, but stay in the room where you are working on the task.

[@narcoasa3968]

Where have you been my entire life?! Now, learning to say no without guilt...

[@peregrinemeyer907]

I am continuously bombarded by squirrels as I carry the label of a neurological disorder, but even so, you are correct in saying I have control. It simply takes more creative measures to maintain it. My biggest hurdle in getting a sewing project done is mindset on priorities. I sew as a hobby, but events dictate deadlines as you well know. The daily grind of life, work, maintaining home, staying connected to family and friends, endless errands, it all demands priority over all else, so the hobby gets placed on the back burner as there is always something more important to be accomplished. Giving ourselves permission to take time away from obligations to work on that thing we enjoy can raise feelings of guilt, but it is imperative we realize it is a necessity to maintain a healthy existence. That's how I find "self discipline," by giving myself permission to stop, make a pot of tea, put on some relaxing music, and enjoy what I love to do. ~Wow, I just realized I have exactly 7 weeks to the deadline for the project I'm working on now. Uncanny.

[@DeltaDonnaLynn]

When I find I need a bit of a kick in the backside to get back on track, I spend a few minutes searching for old photographs of the type of garment I'm working on being worn, or photos of extant garments. Seeing all the lovely things gives me the mental lift I need to get back on track.

[@BryceHistorically]

Great way to look at it! Basically, KonMari your opportunities. Brilliant. 😊

[@CathyHay]

Exactly!! That's a great way to put it!

[@Poppy-]

Your words of wisdom are soooooo appreciated. Thanks for all and the "squirrel" 🐹

[@JonasBelgi]

I'm in no way the intended audience for this. This is the second video of yours I've commented on, because the concepts you're putting out (and I know this video is almost a year old, but the message is timeless) has been truly valuable in reminding me (I'm an author, who used to be hit every deadline, but I've been having a bit of trouble recently) to stop bullshitting myself into complacence when all I'm doing is wasting time, when I ought to be working. Thank you again, Cathy. I'm going to be working on equalling self-discipline with self-love. Brava.

[@_._enril_._]

I haven't had a sewing project of my own yet, but at this moment I am going through finals week and this video is really a sign from the universe saying you have control over this. Thank you so much for this wellphrased and thoughtful video!💖 To answer your question, though the things I need to do are of a completely different nature, I try to separate my "thinking" mode activites and "robot" mode activities. What i am refering to by those names is that before each of my sessions of studying/research etc I make exact outlines and plans or more difficult understanding of concepts (the thinking mode), which I then execute while trying to get into the zone. This "robot" mode in which i dont make decisions, I simply do the things is my best attempt so far to limit my distractions and just get my brain to FOCUS!

[@erikacronje8985]

I like the idea that it is self-love, not a punishment, I will hold onto that. My daughter also suggested to make a list of what I want to do and then prioritise to do the things I love and have time for and as you say, leave the rest to other people.

[@ellenhubbardoldenburg6033]

I don’t know if you will ever see this, Cathy, but I want to tell you that this short video has touched me today. I am struggling with my lack of self control, fighting deadlines and the stress and anxiety that I inflict upon myself. This lack of self control and self motivation effects far too many areas of my life. I want to apply the “I love you too much to let you...” aspect of self discipline that you outline here. I have saved this video so I can go back and watch it again and again until those words are in my brain and I can use them to get myself doing things that are important to me, because they are just that, important to me - before that pressure is on or before I just blow them off and do nothing. Thank you for putting this out here. These are such wise bad helpful words.

[@b3anstar658]

I'm new here but I am 6 weeks from completing the first half of my MA and I can not tell you how much I needed the squirrel and his box (with holes). Thank you Cathy

[@GreenMartha]

I am one of those people that would pick friends over a new dress at CoCo anytime ^^ But I don't grab a tea with friends that often, and... still no CoCo for me. It has taken me many years to realize I love going at my own pace on personal projects, and my priorities are more towars my own mental health and psending time with loved ones. And that's okay ! It doesn't mean I don't get to make pretty things. I have jsut stopped overscheduling myself and make less pretties, over a longer amount of time.

[@CathyHay]

That's valid too, Marion! As long as you know your priorities and stick to them, you're all set.

[@libramoon9358]

Oh where you talk about reconnecting with the reason why you are doing something rather than viewing it as a chore that must be completed is so helpful to me right now!

[@EvanAnnaNave]

Ooh I've never clicked so fast and I'm not even halfway through watching but I'm totally sending this to my best friend because I think this could help her a lot right now. Thank you for this!! ❤️

[@EvanAnnaNave]

Ok now I've watched the whole video and would like to answer your question in the end. Whenever I work on a creative project, I often have some struggles to keep going a little after I started the project. But once I'm through that low motivation phase and my work starts to take shape and I start seeing little glimpses of what I envisioned come to life, this usually motivates me a lot. Still having my goal (and also my deadline) in mind. I get really excited when I see it taking shape step by step and then I can't wait too see the next finished step. Sometimes, I even have to remind myself to take breaks and eat or not to work too late at night and get enough sleep. I also set little subgoals. Like, what do I want to have finished today. Or by the end of the week. And I plan it in my head - without being too hard on myself if I don't reach a subgoal. Going from there, I'll just replan. ☺️ Oh, Cathy, I enjoy your videos so much. This was perfect today ❤️

[@mywoodencubes]

‘If I do this now, I will have more time and less anxiety later, be truly free’

[@MuseDisorder]

I know I am far behind on these videos, I am so happy to have found them. I found myself connected to this. Words that can be put together of how I feel at times, yet can't explain, Thank you for giving me a voice through you. I liked this video, for some reason, when Cathy said self-discipline is self-love (something I am learning to put into practice), I just looked at the garment I am working on, and thought, " Hey beautiful garment with the amazing fabric, I do love you too much to not finish you and you will look amazing on me!" thank you for this much needed inspirational talk for me at this time.

[@raw_bin]

The most beautiful thing about this video is that it can be applied outside of sewing as well. You're amazing and I thank you.

[@venteuse]

As an experienced costumer who can box the squirrel I still need to hear this and feel so much better just for listening to your gentle, logical, wisdom! Thank you 💙

[@donnaflood4733]

I started embroidering one evening, and, the next thing I knew, the sun was rising and I was still sitting in the window working those blackworkcuffs. I had an amazing sense of peace and contentment that hasn't happened since. I'd like to find that again.

[@katelynpatterns9611]

Finding the reason why is so important. I quit fashion school so I could love sewing again. It had become the worst chore and having my work graded always made me feel terrible. Fashion runways are the most underwhelming things I've ever seen and it feels so good to say that! Finally making is again an absolute joy and I don't do it for anyone else

[@EnchantedRoseCostumes]

Fantastic video! I wrote out my list of things I wanted to finish for Costume College 12 weeks ago and I've slowly been checking them off. When I hit 8 weeks last week and I wasn't going nearly as quickly as I wanted, I wrote out a schedule with mini deadlines for each project. That has been helping, but I definitely am still having my squirrel moments. 🙈😋🐿

[@roxiepoe9586]

Thank you, Cathy. I must remember to remember how very happy and fulfilled I am when I am doing the work I love. There are a variety of reasons why I will stop working in my media, but they fade to mist when I remember that part of the practice is just that the practice fulfills one of my deepest needs.

[@lizzaturnbull]

Such an important distinction - all discipline should be an act of love, discipline is guidance not punishment. This is always how I have tried to be with my kids and it really works!

[@LittleKokeshiDoll]

We do a lot of self-talk, whether it is positive or negative. The conversations we have with ourselves make a huge impact on our productivity. I've been struggling for a VERY long time with finishing anything. I recently discovered that I have ADHD, depression, and anxiety. No matter how many self-help books I read, nothing ever stuck. So some of the things I am learning are: if you have a mental disorder such as ADHD, it's OKAY to get medicated. You don't have to fight such a huge mental war with yourself to be productive (and usually fail) all on your own. I started a very low dose of a medication to help, and while I still struggle because I have no good habits developed, the medication is helping my mind from actively blocking me from being productive a little bit more. Along with getting medicated, I have learned about some ways to develop better habits. One key one that I am finding to work is attaching a small task that you aim to become a good habit by attaching it to something else you enjoy (that increases serotonin). As such, I find it harder to be productive when I am exposed to stressful situations, even after I have left said situation that day, it greatly drives down my serotonin levels and makes my depression worse. So, one of my goals is to find ways to remove the major stressors in my life. The other thing I really noticed that makes things hard to keep going at is not so much the doing, it's the thinking about doing part. For example, I don't actually hate doing dishes, but growing up, it was used as punishment. So when I think about having to do dishes as an adult, my mind distracts me with other things that give me boosts of serotonin instead. But I don't actually hate the activity of doing dishes. There's a mental blocker there prior to the task that is what is causing the discomfort. Same goes with long term projects I feel. I love making and working on things, but it is hard to get started when you know how daunting it will be, or it is hard to go back to it when you think about how arduous the process is. This is why I think it is important to attach the activity to something else that brings you an extra boost of happy (like music for example).

[@karynward728]

Thank you Cathy from New Zealand. You are absolutely bloody brilliant at putting big issues into understandable and addressable frameworks. Your advice has just saved my post-grad degree and aspirations as I struggle with chronic pain.

[@kristasolovjova1125]

So beautifully said!!! "Love you too much to let you " is just the perfect phrase, almost brought me to tears. I've been learning self-discpiline in many areas for two years now, with ups and downs, and this, I think, has opened a new chapter. Thank you! About the ADHD thing... I do have ADHD but this label only gives me tools to understand my behavioural patterns better. To know how I can eat and sleep better so my brain lets me focus more. And it's a gift in a way, because I'll never be able to do what I don't love, what I'm not interested in for long. I won't be able to stay in a job that doesn't fit me and that i don't enjoy. It is a gift of also learning to find games and enjoyment in little tasks like washing the dishes. It also is a gift with hand-sewing. I've recently found it very relaxing, and the state of flow I get into lets me feel more clear-brained than I usually am. (:

[@amylouise9853]

This video actually is also perfectly applicable for my completely non sewing related study. I want to show myself self love my slowly, carefully working through the materials and assignments ahead of time so I can enjoy the learning rather than the last minute panic up late the night it’s due.

[@lunarsma8446]

I adore you/your content, and am a life long creative critter, although don't sew more than to repair a garment. I love this vid because it feels like a sister supporting another sister. It really does come down to allowing self care to be primary in achieving a goal. I don't know if I've ever thought about it this way before. Self love makes so much achievable, in any type of goal. Letting myself delve into "the flow", as you say, is always my desire. Allowing for more time, is the ultimate kindness to give to oneself. It's a constant practice. Thank you for adding the *love* to the time considered. It's the truth for this sensitive and easily distracted introvert. I'm working at it. Sent this vid to several friends who will very much appreciate. Hugs and

[@gwadja]

My goodness! I'd subscribe to a Bernadette + Cathy podcast in a heartbeat. Cathy is like the sensible aunt I always needed, and Bernadette the humorous and bubbly little sister. Life advice. Sewing advice. Hair advice. I'll take it.

[@piecesofstarlight]

This is just good life advice and I am here for it.

[@suzannespruijt2146]

I think this is the first time ever I felt the need to comment on a video. This one really hit me hard, both your words as well as those in the comments. I am autistic and have great trouble with getting things done. Even the things I love feel like a chore. I "have to" relax. I "must" get back to sewing. Horrible. This week I had a bit of a turning point. I started out by sorting my thread and then my buttons and before I knew it my workspace was perfectly tidy. I worked day afyer day, done more in a week then I usually do in a month and I didn't feel so that tired. Yesterday I had a lazy Sunday, and as the day progressed I started feeling tired, listless, down. Strange, since I had been relaxing. I got yo many sewingroom and just hemmed for a bit. I started feeling better. Sewing us meditative, it us my happy place. So now I will try to not think "I am to tired to work" any more. In stead I will try "I am not feeling great, let's retreat into my woman-cave for a bit". So yeah... long story short. After that experience, your words really hit home and cemented this new life strategy of mine. Thanks!

[@dutifuldoe]

I needed this today! I'm not a historical seamstress, but I enjoy crochet. I often let my works in progress fall the the way side, and once I realize how close to a deadline I am, I scramble with all my freetime, sometimes even sleeptime, to get something done. I know I can do better, and I will do better, for my own sake. I love myself too much to let myself fail on my own behalf.

[@Risaala]

With writing, when I'm getting back into it, I let myself get distracted by a show, by Instagram, and then come back to the project. I'll usually quickly stop needing those distractions because the work then becomes so absorbing. But my grace with myself as I get back into the work is key. Thank you for your videos and your work, Cathy!!

[@roxannlegg750]

Thankyou for these words - they were so what i needed to hear. Years ago (In my late 30's) i decided to make a New Years resolution, which i never do, to finish off all the UFO's I had. I had a cross stitch - it was huge, and i became overwhelmed by it, so put it down but I did finish it and framed it at huge cost. It became my daily reminder of what i achieve when i force myself to focus and finish. I decided to use a carrot...and got my hubbie to agree to let me buy a roll of silk I longed for to make an 1830's gown. Years later....I Now I have the same problem again...and not sure why....very depressing.

[@JadeLoveless9291]

I'm not a regular sewer, but this really helped me. I work full time, go to school fulltime, and take an online class for my job as well, so it's hard to stay focused and motivated. Thank you.

[@elizabethkirkeide2458]

A "Later-list" is where I write distracting brilliant ideas that come along.

[@darakish]

I’m neither seamstress nor costumer...musician. I used to sew and love historical everything, so I love your videos. I listened to this halfheartedly thinking “well I’m not ever going to costume college, so this doesn’t apply to me”. Then you said the thing about saying no and choosing what is yours to work on. And then it hit me...you made this video for me. Choosing “what is yours” also has the added benefit of alleviating overwhelm. Thank you. I needed to hear that.

[@erikastuve8154]

what works for me is getting the householdwork and the other boring stuff done first...and then have a nice tea and retreat to my sewing room!!!! sometimes its only for an hour or less , but getting a little done also helps. and indeed , sewing is my way of relaxing!! even when fighting a war with a set of sleevils!!!

[@elyjhaannewolfe833]

I found self discipline started to come as a habit when I focused on being the role model I wanted for my children. Beyond that I found the added bonus when my children got to an age they could love my hobbies as much as I do and take the time to learn them. I had not predicted this as a parent. Not only do I have a product that I’m proud of but I know that my manifestation of joy can be a seed of joy that moves beyond myself.

[@medicwebber3037]

The Self-love attitude is fantastic! I find when I'm putting things off ad infinitum I can make myself do them by, literally, not thinking about it. Ex. My iron died. I found I had an old one from wayyyy back, but it had mold in the reservoir and something was stuck to the face. I looked up how to clean it so I could save myself from buying a new one. The steps are easy but require some time. Every time I needed to iron something, I couldn't, because every time I thought about going through the steps of cleaning the iron I noped out of it FINALLY, I got up and literally just walked over, picked the thing up, poured the vinegar in and got my cleaning sponge ready. I DIDN'T let myself even go NEAR imagining doing it. I just acted. This stopped all the emotional garbage that successfully talks me out of doing things from even rising up to my consciousness. I never had the: "This is going to suck. I don't really want to do it" thoughts stopping me. I just acted. It worked. I'm trying to make this a habit. It's a learned skill like everything else, but it works. (My brain will sabotage everything I do if I let it. But I don't always KNOW I'm letting it! lol)

[@Believesinpeace]

I was sitting here sewing when I put your video on and had decided I needed a cup of tea when I noticed that dinner time was half an hour away, had fully intended on ignoring it and waiting for my husband to make it. I don’t like cooking and we do take turns but he also ignores it and oftentimes dinner is very late. I took your advice to heart and in under 10 minutes had dinner in the oven and am back with my tea, ready to start sewing again. Thank you.

[@emiliamartinez3162]

I have been drowning in anxiety lately, and this was what I needed to hear. I am actually super good with deadlines, but I have been in my bed (my safe place) way too long. It was a good message and I much needed it.

[@jojostudies7161]

Listening to this while doing the dishes is definitely encouraging me to go study for my MCAT after I'm done

[@marilynbook4211]

My son once said to me "if you want it bad enough you will make it happen" He was not talking about sewing but I find that I have the most self discipline when I want it bad enough.

[@blaise8076]

I think this is so important as a neurodivergent person. we have to remember that things like adhd and autism aren't diseases; our brain functions are only disabilities because we aren't well suited to the life we're living. it helps me immensely to figure out what makes up in environment that I can thrive in. for instance, I realize that my motivation is fleeting and I'm not good at large acts of self discipline, so my solution is to optimize my situation to stay motivated. I know that I need snacks and drinks, and that the best way for me to stay motivated is to consume media that relates to what I'm doing. I'll watch project runway or listen to dress history podcasts while sewing because it reminds me of the beauty in what I'm making, which helps keep me on task.

[@wanderingangelstudio1359]

I've been so stressed, and done things so last minute, that I once had my son sew me into a gown because I hadn't finished it. I got through the event but made myself a promise that, next time, if the garment wasn't done the day before, then I wasn't going to stress over it. Great video and wonderful advice.

[@shammydammy2610]

I was standing in line to sign up for a costume contest at a sci fi/fantasy/anime convention last weekend. The person in front of me was seriously stating that they had been working on their project for the last 16 hours...straight...and were still not done with it. They looked exhausted. They did not look like they were having any sort of fun.

[@samanthapettibone3955]

My heart went out to you so much talking about sewing in the car towards an event

[@lunasmum6869]

Oh how familiar this is! When I was at university I was always leaving assignments to the last minute. I couldn't say 'no' to other demands on my time. I got through and gained my degree but I often look back and think I could have done better. Yes, I should have loved myself more. For weeks now I have been putting off an important 'phone call because I worry about the result but you have made me think. It will be an expression of self love to make that call, then I can reward myself by making that dress I have been putting off for ages. Thanks so much for allowing me to put things into context and realise I have to do things I dread (I have a phobia of the 'phone always thinking whoever I am speaking to will say No!!) in order to free myself to do the things I love to do.

[@sheillaghplays5093]

I don't sew at all, but I happened to fall into a youtube black hole of historic costumers recently and this came up on my recommended. Very glad it did! There were several things here that were new ideas to me, even after 6 years of therapy and 3 years of time management seminars at university. I suppose part of it could be because your advice is about self discipline with passion projects instead of school and such, but I'm grateful nonetheless for this new perspective. Good luck with your projects, fellow commenters!

[@v.redlug7877]

I just came through a period of weeks in completing my first tailored suit for a young man (his wedding day). I finished at 2:30 this morning! The suit had to leave me today. Why? Because of several things I have heard you mention in your videos. A.) "This is taking longer than I expected". B.) " I still have plenty of time." C.) "I won't work with this person pestering me!". (My own little problem). I like your conclusions of telling yourself early "I will love myself by doing_____". I have had no one to blame but myself, when it all comes down to it. I would much rather self love than self blame. ❤️ Thanks Kathy. (PS. Today is Cathy Hay binge day for me!) Lol

[@nobbynobbs5319]

I never thought of self-disciplin as self love but I like it. What helps me the most is to just take a look at what I have to do the day and just give my self 30 minutes to an hour for my project. There are days where it works better. For me it works to plan my day through but it's ok if something happens and I need to rearrange it.

[@mch12311969]

Not a costumer, but as an historical painter, that does attend the equivalent of Costume College (which is on my bucket list BTW), this is so spot on.

[@VanWaffle]

Thank you. I am a professional writer, serious hobby photographer and casual fibre artist. I often let other things interfere with the creative activities I enjoy. In fact lately it has been easy to let my serious hobby distract me from other things. About two years ago I stuck a note above my desk with this affirmation: "I have everything I need inside myself. I am empowered by the ability to choose in any moment." It's still there, though I don't recite it as often as I used to. You used a similar phrase in the video, and it jogged my memory. I will watch this again when I need a reminder to prioritize what I want/need to do most, and be mindful of where the priority comes from.

[@erikabasilio7630]

Ever so grateful to have found you and your channel! I may not be an early visitor but better late than never. I found you on Bernadette's video and now I can't stop binging on your videos and feeling inspired and motivated more than ever! Hugs to you!

[@blueiris6813]

Five years on, this really resonates with me. Thank you.

[@MushroomInky]

This is amazing 💕 I do have ADHD but it only makes self- discipline more difficult, not impossible. I battle with my self-discipline every to get anything done and the things you have said here are things that I have needed to hear. I think this is something I will come back to listen every time I feel like I have extra difficulty. Self-discipline is an act of self-love.

[@Stumpybear7640]

I'm with you on this one Cathy. SELF DISCIPLINE IS AN ACT OF SELF LOVE. Internalise that phrase and see how you change xxx

[@ThePunkKNITTER]

As someone with Aspergers, my form of self-discipline consists of making sure I engage in self-care. I have a tendency to develop tunnel vision with a project and devote all my time to it. Unfortunately I do not take appropriate breaks, I neglect other areas of my life, and I can burn out so fast this way. This has also lead to a large amount of WIP's being abandoned and poor finishing on some projects. I have to remind myself that I have to pace my enjoyment of my projects (be them spinning, knitting, weaving, or sewing) so that I have the stamina to finish it appropriately and the mental clarity to create the best product I can.

[@charlessoutherton8946]

I say to myself, every time i complete a project i can buy more fabrics for other or new projects, cause that then gets me thinking of a healthy 3+day deadline to start and finish the project whether it be one garment/accessory (jacket, trouser, skirt, dress, lining, cape, trim ) or a whole ensemble and if i complete that either before or on a deadline i can reward myself with fabric for another project or buy something ive been eyeing to buy for a while...i think thats a lot more healthy than getting absolutely stressed about something, getting tearful about a crunch deadline or giving up completely. if your slow and if you can afford to set yourself a 3month deadline for a project, if your doing an elaborate project, lets say the "peacock dress" set your self separate deadlines say, 3months for the bodice, 5months for the skirt, 5weeks for lining, 3days for boning, 4months for undergarments etc...then when you can complete that deadline you can reward your self whether it be a holiday, more fabric, sewing patterns/supplies/machines, visiting friends in other countries, having a night out with family or someone close to you, etc....thats my advice, if i complete something within a deadline i can reward myself and feel good about it rather feeling sick, stressed or upset by it and giving up rather than persevering with it. :) hope this helps too :D

[@evemoeller6837]

I absolutely love the way you wear your hair! ❤

[@shihohaibara9556]

to be honest, i have to keep working on my confidence and to take a moment to realize, what and why I'm doing at the moment. So when i am close to being lost in chasing the squirrel and have to decid, in which box it should get to, i ask friends for help in sorting the squirrel- it gets easier with every project. Thank you for these videos and advices, they really do help me so much, that i can't even put it in words

[@aubreyackermann8432]

An absolutely life changing talk!

[@LeeroniLee]

I've found this video in a time where I really need it, Just posting a comment to save my place, When I need to comeback I will see the date and time and I can tell future me right now, that the work we put into stuff and whatever our artistic endevours might be are acts of self love

[@dkphillips1654]

I know this was 2 years ago but *this* was the rest of the equation. I knew taking care of things is important but procrastination has always appealed. However, this was the missing piece I needed so much! My deepest thanks, I so appreciate your words and message. 💜

[@rileyhargis6173]

Thank you once again Ms. Hay, Your beautifully brilliant wisdom and advice has easily become one of my favorite parts of watching your videos. Your soul radiates such a bright, kind, compassionate energy that deserves a grand platform to be shared.

[@MsSherrydarling]

I have been sewing for over 40 years and I do love it! When I do spend time sewing, the world around me goes away. After listening to this video, I realized that I have been having a hard time getting to my sewing machine over the last few years because I feel like it's a luxury and I should be doing other things first. It always gets put on the back burner and then it's on the list of chores to do instead of the thing to look forward to doing. That's when procrastination sets in and it gets pushed further back. I think you're right about asking why you sew in the first place and let that guide you back to it being a joy and not a chore. Thanks for the insight! Your costumes at Costume College were amazing by the way. :)) Can't wait for the continuing saga of the Peacock Dress!

[@Katc78]

I am a sewer/maker but just for fun as a hobby on the side and truthfully I haven’t done anywhere near the level of sewing I once did because life gets on the way. But I just wanted to say that I love what you’ve said here and I can apply it directly to what is currently dominating (read:looming ominously) for me and that is my PhD thesis. I’m starting my third year now and haven’t really written anything over the whole summer. Deadlines are just a bad dream at the moment and I feel entirely out of touch with my project. I really don’t know what I’m doing. I loved this video because it helps so much to just apply what you’ve said to my thesis. So thank you. 😊

[@barbf9168]

Hi! You are the first textile artist to mention the joy(s) of the "flow experiences(s)". Indeed, you've nailed the state of mind (Or, would that be mind.less.ness?) where, at least, my own creativity thrives. I am so happy to have found your channel.

[@lizzyleek7942]

I have a terrible habit of leaving things until last minute but recently, I have found that removing my distractions has helped me a great deal. For example keeping the TV off and leaving and other projects I want to start out of my immediate work space so I don't start half a dozen things and not finish any of them. I found this video is another source of help to view the way I see deadlines as a goal instead of a source of panic thanks :D

[@saramcintyre5833]

i know i'm late to the video, but i thought you would get a kick out of my self discipline technique. I binge watch every second of every one of Bernadette Banners videos. i have seen each multiple times. she is basically my podcast while sewing. the way she speaks, the soothing tones of her voice, the vast knowledge she shares with us....a truly wonderful muse!

[@lafregaste]

I think accepting you have a problem, diagnosis or issue is actually really useful, to "grab the bull by the horns". Then finding what exactly is stopping you also helps, so everytime you are not working write down why, are you depressed? Anxious? Tired? Lazy? Working on something else? Going to slow? Etc... And attack the situations one by one. There's many things one can do like notes, schedules, boards, journaling, recording yourself, having a "sewing group" or partner that helps you stay on track, there's even to do apps that can help you move forward.

[@SusannaDiMilo]

I used to procrastinate - sometimes It is useful - it is not because I am lazy, it is just that I am not ready to take the next step in a project, I find a bit of housework the best distraction. Putting something aside for a few days, often means I can find a solution. However I also discovered that the guilt I was feeling about not doing something took up so much more of my time than getting the project completed. The problem is that self discipline includes the word DISCIPLINE. Reframing - giving yourself time to do the best work is a much more positive idea and it feels nicer.

[@BasilWyrth]

Thank you for this

[@martaotita]

Thanks Cathy, as a person that also does not have that much attention spam, this is really something I needed to hear now, especially the saying no part. This really applies to everything in life.

[@Kaimad3it]

I use a planner and checklists! I have a minimum and maximum expectation of work to do in a day so i dont feel burntout but i do enough to feel satisfied. Thank you for this bit of wisdom 💗

[@scrappedroses]

I just click your videos because your voice is so relaxing to listen to. I happen to just be learning on the way and liking it.

[@CathyHay]

Cyma Hanna Thank you very much! I’ve been self conscious about my voice recently so I appreciate that very much!

[@catherinekeehn2773]

I ask myself if I'm not doing this, is someone else going to do it for me?Nope, then do I want to be proud of myself for doing the best I could with the time I have to finish this nicely or tell myself stop thinking, move and get doing! This gets my laundry done, kitchen cleaned and clothes sewn!

[@katerinabanecourt]

As much as I love the videos like the recent update regarding your Peacock Dress project, I must say; I actually enjoy videos like this one admittedly even more - because, while I love watching sewing focused videos because they inspire me to be creative myself (although, on the note of self-discipline; I do tend to drag my feet about actually working on my arts projects and procrastinate a lot), this kind of content is equally wonderful because it doesn't just translate to sewing and other artsy endeavors, but also really helps me to improve my general outlook on things and gets me into a better mindset to actually be motivated & work on things. So, I really think they are very valuable life lessons!😊

[@nicoledeloncrais5940]

Discipline comes from the Latin disciple, or in other words to be a disciple is to be a learner... To quote Dan Siegel, Too often we forget that discipline means to teach, not to punish. A disciple is a student, not a recipient of behavioral consequences. Thank you again for your thoughtfulness Cathy

[@esthykechan]

my thing is drawing, i have been more or less consistently doing it for over 15 years, since my early teenage years. i love when i get in that inspirational creative zone. i feel like my lack of self discipline is very much overshadowed by my need to share these pieces and my excitement with others but not really having a group that really encourages my art, and family often seeing it as "just wasted time". i am mediocre at best, so getting any kind of feedback on eg. social media is very rare.

[@gigglepantsiii826]

Thank you for showing me a better way to treat myself with self discipline. I've been struggling with the idea of 'just because I am good at something doesn't mean it's good for me' in regards to my 2D art/illustrations. My mother has been pushing for me to make it a career instead of a hobby, but I know that if I follow her wishes my life will suffer and strip away the joy I find in my hobby

[@claudetteyoung3383]

Terrific advice, Cathy, and true for any major avocation or profession. I write, work well under pressure, but not when I have three deadlines coming due in the same week. My tip for staying focused is to visualize the end result. In your case, the finished garment or section of outfit. You would see yourself in the finished outfit, complete and wholly your own, while in front of your peers, admiring that same outfit. For me, it's seeing the finished project in its new home/publication and holding that publication in my hands. BTW, your videos may center on sewing, but the advice is universal. Great job, my friend. And great delivery, too.

[@chenry8871]

Having ADD makes me fret or be anxious about time in general we all must do things differently to make things work. The mind set of Self-Discipline as an act of Self-Love actually might work. I have also noticed the older I get the more sensitive I have become maybe slowing down to appreciate the little things and not fret about the deadline. Worry is very time consuming and in the end usually all works out. Thank you for a new path of exploring a little self love.

[@jackievds1776]

This mirrors something I saw once that said that self discipline is empathy for your future self xx

[@phoebepierard7372]

thank you so much for this. I find that your points can be applied to almost everything in life. "Treat your attention as precious. It's okay to say 'no'" and remembering the reasons behind why you're doing something are particularly resonant

[@paolamirabello636]

Cara Cathy, condivido perfettamente i tre punti e ti confermo che trovo il concetto di autodisciplina come forma di amore verso noi stessi, assolutamente calzante. Per non perdere il filo delle mie idee, le scrivo dentro a quadernetti divisi per tema, in modo da non dimenticarmene, e al contempo da poterle ripescare al momento giusto. Quando posso scrivere la parola "FATTO" (ossia "DONE" - "COMPLETE") vicino al titolo della pagina, mi sento bene, e questo sistema, metodo mi ha consentito di diventare molto più produttiva di quanto non avessi mai creduto di essere anni addietro.

[@Paul.Morgan]

I love your videos. I lacked self-discipline for most of my life. The breakthrough moment came when I realized that self-discipline is self-respect. Now that I see making an effort as showing respect for myself I'm achieving more and I'm happier.

[@CherylK.333]

I Just stumbled on your channel. I don't sew, but I do write and do other types of creative work. I love the idea of self-discipline as self-love. That changes everything! I also love the idea of treating your attention as precious. So helpful! Thank you!