How to Forgive Those Who Will Never Apologize to You

When we live with attachments, we can even become attached to grudges and resentment. When we learn to let go, we're able to leave the past in the past and be fully present at peace. Forgiveness has nothing to do with the person who wronged us. It is 100% about the suffering it creates within us.
Forgiveness is like a muscle. We must train it, practice it, and develop our ability to extend forgiveness others. The more we forgive, the easier it gets and the more our lives become filled with love. Here are the secrets to forgiving anyone in our lives (even people we've never met), no matter what they've done and no matter whether or not they've asked for it.
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I receive a lot of questions from people all over the world related to meditation, mindfulness, spirituality, life, and more. I share my answers on the platforms below so everyone can benefit from them. If you have asked me something, this is where you will find my answer:
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[@riaantiwari9961]

Unforgiveness causes sickness, hurt and pain. I’d rather forgive and be free. Thank you for this message.

[@sanmarcoexplorer2726]

Same here.

[@tommybinson]

Thanks, Todd. An ex-friend who caused me pain and trouble recently died. I'm glad that I long ago emailed him to forgive and wish him well. Although he never replied, I felt better. Forgiveness and compassion are skills worth cultivating. ❤

[@malcolmnicoll1165]

This new week, may the light of God surround you, may His love enfold you, may His power protect you and may His presence watch over and bless you all week long.

[@marionbooth8103]

What hit home was the peice where our hurt is based on our judgement of others, expecting them to put our needs before their own. Thank you Todd.❤

[@mritzs5142]

I had no idea I needed to cry until I happened to come across this presentation Thank you ...we are the fortunate ones today who get to see this and hear you

[@ciarabergman3136]

This is beautiful. Your words, vibes, voice are theraputic 🙏❤🌻

[@meghatiwari9844]

Thank you! I have been stuck in thought loop of hurt and hate. Your words just makes sense. Lovely voice too 👌

[@chantalhanby5271]

He has so much clarity and his knowledge is so profound absolutely phenomenal.

[@makeastatement1]

Still practicing on this a year and a half later. Such a beautiful, helpful and healing message. I have not been able to apologize and no apology has been forthcoming. Have spent a long time wallowing in anger and grudge but I see how much it is costing me emotionally. I truly do not want to continue to knit this psychic chord with her. I'm resolving to do better and allowing this person to just be who they are. I am sorry and I hope someday maybe we can laugh together!

[@madhulata7903]

This really hit me "By being aware of the emotional distress that occurs when we remember it, over time that stress will become less and less. The emotional reaction that we have to a time when we were deeply wronged becomes less and less." I am so happy to find your channel. Your voice is soothing and calm. Thanks Todd! 😊

[@susanswinny588]

Resentment can be developed during childhood before we fully understand and recognize the signs resentment, of holding on. We proceed to adulthood, believing we completely processed through forgiveness until other emotional difficulties arise and we become stuck or start "falling apart" without knowing why or what to do about it. It could take the form of deep depression or anxiety or both. Only through meditation and working with a small sangha did I come to realize such a situation in my life. I'd joined an online class offered by a western buddhist teacher, a retired university professor of religious studies turned teacher of meditation and buddhist and somatic practices. When it came to my own realization, I was a sangha member as part of my online mahayana sutrayana class. In our small sangha, a member was speaking of how meditation helped her overcome her resentment of her father some years after his passing. Her account kept coming back to me over and over. I couldn't figure out why. One day during daily meditation, I realized it was because I hadn't fully forgiven my deceased father even though I'd told him I had years before his death. Apparently the forgiveness was only in my imagination. I came to find out from an experienced teacher that it all too often takes time and multiple forgivenesses to process through it. Over a weekend I spent the entire time processing through my feelings of resentment of my father. Eventually I realized that neither of us had had the capacity to bridge each of our experiences and mindsets of the long ago past. I soon developed certainty that we both (my father and myself) had unresolved traumas. I visualized him as a five-year-old boy crying from his suffering from his experience with his parents, later as an adult, self-medicating with alcohol in his silence. I suffered a lot that weekend with little sleep. But I had meditation, buddhist view, and willingness to work through it no matter what. I began to feel better gradually over months. It led to a deepening of my compassion for my father and my mother. And I learned through working with various sanghas that a lot of people have difficulty developing compassion and some never do, even though they try. Some people respond to trauma by hardening their hearts to avoid future hurts, without knowing it. Some dissociate from trauma and can no longer see their resentment as such, but they may feel sad or angry or nothing at all, yet their life is inexplicably difficult and painful. I've been part of different sanghas and it's been an amazingly helpful education for me. I rarely hear people talk about the benefit of being a member of a sangha. But it helps you realize that you're not the only one because people talk of their experiences that often unknowingly help others. If you ever have the opportunity to belong to a sangha, I recommend it greatly. It's difficult, but can be tremendously helpful to people who have life dysfunction. I belonged to sanghas through zoom calls when taking buddhism classes where the teachers are knowledgeable about trauma. Therapy is another way to process trauma, including and especially through group therapy. It can be misery to sit through group therapy. My epiphany came from a woman sangha member talking about how her father came to her in meditation that led to an internal understanding beyond words of their relationship. This is a different experience than from a group therapy at a therapist's group setting where people's issues aren't yet resolved. I'm fortunate to live in Houston, one of the most culturally diverse population centers. We have Houston Zen Center. We have study groups that allow us to study buddhist texts and discuss concepts and our meditation and reflections around those studies and how it relates to our life experiences. We rarely learn about sangha online unless by luck. Perhaps this can help someone.

[@ettecram]

❤

[@ChangeYourLife1122]

Thanks for the video 💓😊, u right, the more we shine the light of consciousness to the EMOTIONS the more we free from them.🙏

[@ToddPerelmuter]

Absolutely!! 🙏

[@ishapattanashettar9504]

This massage gives me so much peace in my life . Thank you 🙏 🙏

[@janebennett4512]

Wonderfully wise words and practical advice. Thank you.

[@sheilajoseph9953]

Thankyou for sharing this, it's helped me to let go and forgive a toxic person, I wish them a happy life. 💚

[@malusdarkblade1139]

To forgive people who intentionally did something negative towards you is the ultimate weakness and only encourages them do it again. Never forgive never forget

[@JulieBassett-t6x]

I really like Todd’s explanation! He’s so easy to understand ❤

[@malcolmnicoll1165]

“At the heart of all our anger, all grudges, and all resentment, you'll always find a fear that hopes to stay anonymous.” -Donald L. Hicks

[@enough1494]

I mastered that! What a freeing decision……it was a heavy burden and made the loss lighter. 💕🕊

[@albertrenshaw4252]

This is wild, this past week I’ve come to all of the conclusions brought up in this video, completely on my own and without any trace of these thoughts on my internet activity, and then KZbin recommends this video to me and it’s as if I’m hearing all of my own thoughts played back to me 🤯

[@chandrimade9731]

You have a very soothing voice as if it touched my soul.. and bit familiar too..

[@alberthutchinson7569]

I wish I'd seen your videos 10 years ago. My life would have been completely different.

[@SuketaPatel]

Not a coincidence...this is where I am,...thank you for your guidance 🙏🇨🇦❤️🌈🌎🌺🏄‍♀️

[@maryseokley6061]

Feels...very very good being able to forgive! Because learned to love more, especially self!

[@gavinreynolds9216]

Todd you speak so much sense, I hang on your every word, brilliant!

[@333psychic7]

You can choose to partially or completely distance yourself from someone who's consistently trying to break you. It's possible to still allow yourself to have love for someone and not like them...distance frees you to do this. If the relationship changes where that person realizes to treat you better then you can choose to bring them back in or not. This worked for me when my dad was alive. The conflict I had was in order to protect myself I needed to keep him away for his actions. Once I realized I could create the distance, not like his actions but still love the parent. This gave me Forgiveness to myself to do what I needed to do and still be okay within. I told him I may love you but I don't like you. It took him 3 years to change and only then I allowed him back into my life. We were gifted 10 years of a healthier relationship with boundaries before he passed.

[@ToddPerelmuter]

That is so beautiful. Very happy to hear how that ended. Thank you for sharing.

[@theklaleinemann6266]

Danke!

[@ToddPerelmuter]

Thank you so much for your generosity 🙏

[@andrewhussey8702]

The best medicine for all . Cannot fail. Just chill. Beautiful message.

[@stansvitsa1]

This spoke directly and personally to me. I’ve been fighting this for almost 2 years.

[@newthing7744]

Your documentary "Aloneness to Oneness" is a gift to people link me. Your videos and voice bring a lot of positivity and peace.

[@ToddPerelmuter]

Amazing to hear that 🙏🏽

[@TheGameIsUp1984]

From one man to another...you have a beautiful mind and perspective on life...love listening to your voice and ideas.

[@tarjanipatel898]

Thank you Todd…. Just what I needed right now. Thank you buddy 🌷♥️🕊🪷

[@minomokwa744]

Your words are so very valuable. Thank you, Todd !!!!

[@tracyr.l.oflaherty2597]

You are brilliant. God Bless

[@laurenpearl8088]

Hey! I found you through your podcast! Love this video ☺️

[@nathaliecowong]

Thank you Todd

[@marionbooth8103]

Thanks!

[@ToddPerelmuter]

Thank you so much for your generous support

[@andrewlouisromero4035]

Yo Todd, you got a sorta "meditation for dummies" video? You know to start from scratch, peace ✌

[@ToddPerelmuter]

There are videos of guided morning meditation and do's and don'ts of meditation. You can find them in my meditation playlist. I like to think of them for WISE dummies :)

[@shamir1]

Thank you.

[@klanderkal]

I have extreme resentment. I have unbearable regrets, and i hate that person who continues to betray me!... MYSELF. I cannot forgive myself. I hate myself.! ... i lost interest in life, i don't like living anymore. I have only hate, resentment, anger, apathy, guilt, regrets in my heart. I just quit my career job, now i have absolutely nothing! No structure, purpose, identity, social interactions, coworkers, friends... ! Again ! I betrayed myself.! I now have extreme stress anxiety, insomnia,.... severe Depression. I hate living, life, and myself! Im jealous of you, you're so at peace with yourself, and love you're existence. .... im in so much pain...

[@ScissorN]

Im so sorry you feel that way , allow your self to feel but dont do it alone , invite God and cry it all out to him . I was at this point , i lost job opportunities , i was broke and became addicted to social media because i just couldnt bring my sleep , i would spend bed time on social media until i pass out … all this while the person who hurt me was progressing and climbing the ladder in his career . I hated him i hated myself but one day i was tired of feeling that way and i cried loud to God and i have never been the same … im not 100% ok but i can function as a normal human being

[@klanderkal]

@@ScissorN Thank you for caring 🙌 I cried out to god, psychologist, 988 suicide hotline, friends, family and strangers... nothing has helped me at all. . I've become more isolated. And no longer go walking,... I just stay in the apt. I just don't want to live anymore. I hate myself for sabotaging my life. I have severe depression anhedonia. I don't want to live another day. I don't care anymore

[@ScissorN]

@@klanderkal you are only human and humans are meant to make mistakes humans are meant to self sabotage in hopes to protect themselves or in hopes to try and take a different direction, your life was never supposed to be perfect and everything is happening as it should that you can learn and do better. All shall pass and you will thank yourself for fighting for you cause in this day and age no one else will . Do not give up on yourself , laugh about your mistakes no matter how costly they may be. This other time i was invited for a job interview and as broke as i was depressed and unemployed i panicked and ended up cancelling and not going , i felt good for a moment but as time went i started to feel guilty , it was the worse guilt ever because i knew i needed the money so bad . I cried and cried everyday for the missed opportunity , then i cried to God and he heard me and same company called again and gave me another opportunity , i was so happy i went and failed the interview but you know what the guilt was gone God gave me another chance and freed me from blaming myself and i believe if you trust him he will give you more than a second opportunity …

[@TheNeerajAgnihotri]

🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@josephinerooney7896]

Yes I agree IV been holding on to bad things others do onto me drugged sexual assaulted turkey 8 weeks later Egypt yes again sexual assaulted betrayal by many IV been struggling emotional to move on so much injustice I now found your video s help me

[@ToddPerelmuter]

Hi Josephine, I am so sorry for what you’ve had to endure. No one should ever have to go through any of that stuff. Sending so much love and peace to you. You’re a very strong survivor. I hope you are able to give yourself the time and love to feel and then heal from those traumatic events. Be patient with yourself, don’t focus on outcomes or expectations, and just listen to your heart. Don’t be afraid to sit alone with your thoughts and allow yourself to work through them. There is so much beauty in this world and I know it will find its way to you too.

[@mariaelbasotillo871]

❤

[@nedjeljkogadzo2308]

One man I knew once told something : I resent two people that are death 40 years, and they are my parents. I resent my ex wife more than ten years and it is terrible. I feel traumatized chronicaly. It is not easy when I find myself within inner revenge modus. Psychotherapie didnt help.

[@doc2590]

My girlfriend is giving me a hard time at the moment, and I want revenge, I want to hurt her because I am feeling hurt, hurt people hurt people. Yet it is only the thoughts I am having around the situation. It is never the situation only my thoughts about the situation that is the problem. These thoughts make me feel sick in side. So back to binge watching todds videos, so I don't do something really stupid and end another relationship.

[@elizabethmcmeens1436]

Thank you, Todd. 🪶

[@donnawoodford6641]

I can now laugh. My ex foolishly chose and justified his behaviors as though he thought he was right. The decisions he made continues to hurt him much more than it does me.

[@markmurphy4782]

Is avoiding these situations and people better?

[@ToddPerelmuter]

You can do both. I think of it the way I think of art. I deeply love all art because it comes from a place of wishing to make the world a more beautiful place. However, I can't hang every piece of art in my house, so I have to be a little choosier. We can love everyone, forgive everyone, but we don't have to give our precious time to every single person on earth

[@zion367]

Hi Todd, New here... I am not sure if all traumatic experiences will be something to laugh about. Some are deeply disturbing and painful. I do see how we could come into more acceptance of them and take the edges off. What would you suggest to do if you meditate and your mind goes into this loop of all kinds of horrible thoughts, fears and grievances?

[@ToddPerelmuter]

Thanks for the question, Zion. As it needs a long answer, I will share it in my newsletter.

[@zion367]

@@ToddPerelmuter That would be great.

[@carole4448]

🌈🙏🏻💐

[@smarterworkout]

fyi not a Christian response.

[@justinsandolph4861]

Again man doesn't have to forgive people that's what you guy's don't understand what god doesn't understand

[@fionawalker4601]

🙏🙏💕🦋