How to get over your f*cked up childhood

How to break the cycle of generational trauma and dysfunctional parents
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[@FinnMckentyPRMBA]

Join my Discord: discord.gg/9GbTq4d8Pe

[@ZachHayes-hu8fs]

I agree with everything you guys discussed or maybe relate a little bit

[@pears0094]

Self Talk is HUGE!!! My father, (bless him 🙏🏼 … A wise man) Would always talk to me about what “stories and self talk” was I giving myself! What am I not only consuming physically, but what am I reading, listening to, putting in my mind, etc, etc… Who are you spending your time with… This is fantastic Finn!!! Thank you for videos like these!!! You’re a great person!!! Congratulations on your baby boy! I know you’re going to be a fantastic dad!!! 😀

[@Purplepentapus_]

Finn is like the big brother of the punk and metal scene, always looking out for us and acting as a mentor

[@OpulentJoe911]

I agree, I’m 27, my big brother is 16 years older than me. About Finn’s age. I swear almost the same words and advice come from Finn and my older brother. Thanks for looking out for us 🤘🏼, bro Appreciate your content.

[@oopsydaizi3s824]

I’m 26 and the oldest of my siblings. Finn is the older brother i needed but never had.

[@yourfavoritenetcitizen6525]

Lol he doesn't like most metal. It's just some hardcore dude.

[@Purplepentapus_]

@@yourfavoritenetcitizen6525 clearly you dont watch this channel very much, because Finn constantly shows his decades worth of knowledge about metal

[@yourfavoritenetcitizen6525]

@@Purplepentapus_ he does talk about but he ridicules most of it. So not an actual fan.

[@ryanhoover8130]

Being self aware enough to realize you're becoming your parents is at least half the battle. Most people don't even see it.

[@NIGHTOWLmetalcore]

as a person in the alternative scene that vouches for therapy, this video was basically the objective you would get out of a $100+ therapy session, for free. Finn has lived through trauma and knows what he's talking about, and I'm so grateful that we have a mentor like him in the heavy music scene with no bullshit, 100% honesty. you're the GOAT 🤟🏻

[@amb158]

I mean yes, but, you’re also talking about one single session. Anyone who has been to therapy, whether it’s with a therapist, counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist knows that absolutely nothing happens in one session. Nothing is going to happen in two sessions. Therapy takes a long time, sometimes weeks, sometimes months, sometimes years. We’re talking about breaking habits and traits that were drilled into someone for the better part of 20 years. Processing things that happened to you or around you or because of you for your entire childhood and most formative years. A couple sessions of therapy isn’t going to break that down. It’s going to take a very long time. It might help give you a new perspective on certain things, it might help you see from an outside point of view that something is wrong, but no meaningful change will take place without significant time and effort.

[@NIGHTOWLmetalcore]

@@amb158 I agree with this to an extent, but I have come out of one session before with the solution that I needed. Granted I started therapy back when I was 21 (almost a decade ago), so I understand that prolonged exposure will always trump something short term. But that doesn’t mean you can’t gain something from temporary experience either 🙂

[@MECHc3ify]

It's better than some of the months I've spent in therapy 😂 Some coucelers should not be counselors. 😅

[@hanksung]

​​​​​​@@MECHc3ifyI mean, therapy is GOOD. I LOVE going to the therapy sessions to work on/talk about my problems and trying to figure those things out, and I have A LOT of issues btw. And A LOT of the reasons why is also because of my family, they're SOOOOOO FUCKING TOXIC. I have to go through almost ALL the bullshits that they and school classmates gave me growing up. Even I asked for teacher's help, he's NOT helping, because he's such a crawl. One of the feelings that I'm afraid THE MOST is probably feeling lonely? Because I've been through COMPLETELY darkness when I was like 9 or 10? And I OFTEN feel ashamed btw. One of the reasons why was because that's how my grandpa feels, and he dragged me down. And I was being laughed at/bullied growing up. Also CONSTANTLY feel afraid too, because I have A LOT of conflicts with the people here, because of this kinda FUCKING TOXIC TAIWANESE/CHINESE/ASAIN culture. There are TOO MANY THINGS to talk about. And… I've been doing therapy for around 4.5 years now, started when I was 16, almost 17. And I'm GLAD that I find a good therapist who knows how to listen to me! (And we found out recently that he probably CAN'T make me feel MORE DEEPER, probably because… I need a therapist who is a westerner? Who says things in a way that can make me feel DEEPER? The way that he and the people here talk just DOESN'T make me feel things. Even wipe away the feelings that I've already felt. Feel like they take the energy that is in me or something. Like the culture here makes me feel if I listen to it. I guess that there's a HUGE culture differences between me and them, although I born here. But… he's still a good therapist.) And he's the person who understands me THE MOST so far in this world!!! So find a good therapist, and it can DEFINITELY help you improving your life!!! And understand your life more!!! That's my experience.

[@jasonwilcoxen4121]

I could listen to Finn talk about life all day.

[@GRIBZ138]

Same

[@StuartHetzler]

I'm so thankful I had two loving and supportive parents. It's the most impactful privilege in life one can have.

[@strazburg]

Same man, I can’t imagine having to have gone through life without my parents supporting me. They also showed me what a good healthy marriage looked like too, im only in my mid 20s but i don’t know very many people who’s parents are still together.

[@phaaaze9984]

Same. Never realized how lucky I was until I met my fiancé and saw the other side of it. Can’t imagine growing up like that. I basically had a hallmark movie childhood

[@destructionman1]

And we can love metal too 🤘🤘❤️

[@greasybumpkin1661]

I am tortured by the idea of not providing this for my own child at least once a week due to how sad and lonely mine was.

[@shortlivedglory3314]

As someone who went through Hell as a kid, I can relate to the constant anxiety of not wanting to do that to my own kids. I'm always afraid I'm screwing up. The biggest thing I've found is just to be honest about my mistakes. I can't tell you how many times I've apologized and admitted wrong to a two-year-old only to get hit with, "It's okay, daddy. I forgive you." Brings me to tears every time.

[@unai49999]

I'm convinced of not having any spawn. For this amongst other reasons.

[@Djfmdotcom]

Ooooof. I feel you on this. Not the having kids part, but the tears part. They never seem to stop coming.

[@mikafuji2233]

Im not a parent but i work with kids and know the feeling

[@shortlivedglory3314]

​@@mikafuji2233 it's honestly the single most encouraging thing. When my two year old girls give me more grace than I can ever give myself, I know things are going to be okay.

[@jaysonofgigachad9795]

​@cowboy bridges Hey man, listen. I had that mindset for years because I went through hell, too, as a kid. But getting over that fear and finding a kind partner and having my own kids despite that fear was the greatest decision I've ever made, and my life is unbelievably better because of them.

[@SteveDave5763]

Generational trauma is tough, but doing the work to resolve its hold on you is 100% worth it.

[@mikeycortinas4237]

Nothing is more metal/punk/hardcore than breaking the cycle this couldn't have been better timing

[@GabbertEvergreen]

"I don't want my child to ever see me angry" I'm glad you said and feel this way Finn. My parents are super loving and caring and are still very involved in my life. But my dad has a really short fuse, he was never physically abusive and he's gotten a lot better overtime. As a kid however, he would get in my or my brother's face and yell and scream at us and repeatedly would say that we're lucky he doesn't beat our ass like his dad did to him. That had and still has a lasting impact on me and probably my brother as well. It made it hard to approach my parents about an issue I was having or even talk to them in general. I missed out on some parental guidance in my developmental years that I needed, cause I was afraid of my parent's reaction to whatever it was I was going through. Its a lot easier to talk to my parents now as a 26 year old man, but I still feel it sometimes. That's why I don't like being pissed off about stuff, even when I'm in the right to be mad about it. I don't want people thinking I'm an angry unapproachable person, especially my kids if I ever have any.

[@burningtheevidence8038]

Exactly the same here.. Plus it led me to avoid conflict whenever I can which honestly su##s...

[@Nik.No.K]

I feel this a lot. My parents were generally pretty good but my dad as well had a pretty terrible temper, especially in my teens. Came so close to physical confrontation so many times, I punched a hole in the wall one time. I'm the oldest child, almost 30 now and my dad is very different now. He's mellowed out a lot with my younger siblings but I still feel a bit of resentment. Anyway if and when I ever do have kids I'm really want to try to make sure they never see me angry either. I just think about how different my childhood could have been if my parents had always been calm and never losing control of themselves.

[@nini-he8uy]

i can 100% relate, as much as i love them both and grateful for their support (although not emotional, just financial), i still have this part of me that is terrified of my dad, i know he loves me but i don’t have that much nice memories of him from my childhood, it was all physical and emotional abuse, i even used to be afraid just hearing his steps at night. But now i can see he’s trying to be better.

[@user-gn7qr3pd9n]

I think we can all agree, we want Finn to do more lifestyle videos.

[@JosephRivera588]

Thank you for this Finn. Just found out my girlfriend and i are expecting, so perfect timing. Scared out of my mind but ready to love my baby, and soon to be wife, harder than i have ever loved anyone else

[@BasedHyperborean]

Congrats, bro. You made it.

[@FinnMckentyPRMBA]

Congratulations man!

[@AS-pb7hq]

You got this! Work hard at it and it will work for you.

[@Eruiz]

Bill burr talks a lot about this on his podcast about not yelling in front of his kids and breaking the toxic habits of his childhood. great video Finn

[@its_fatima]

I really felt the Christmas story, coming from a Muslim household, Eid was a big deal in our religion and I remember starting the day with just dread and it was fucking awful how any party, any gathering was just going to end up in tears and fights. I’ve moved out after 19 and I’m 23 now and it’s crazy how much of my energy is just devoted to not repeating the same mistakes my parents made but I already feel so much different from who I used to be. Finn’s right about it, it’s all in the mindset. And ugh the terrible realization of how people in the scene might not always be the best company was the worst for me :( but hey you find your kind later on once you emulate that energy you want to be around yourself

[@AportesKike]

This is where all Finn's content was going for. Therapy, emotional maturity and growing up finally we got where we needed thanks.

[@brandchan]

I totally had a elementary school teacher tell me I was stupid and I would never amount to anything. Spite and anger is what got me through college.

[@TotaledThunder]

This took courage - Finn is the real deal. It's clear that he's genuinely striving to be a positive influence. Appreciate it brother!

[@LeoCharles]

Thanks for this video. I have no family, live by myself, freelancer, single, 35 yrs old, spend most of the week drinking at night... dont know how to get out of this rot. This helped a lot... will follow your advice, i just wished i had someone to talk to... thanks man 👍🏼

[@hanksung]

Find a good therapist! It will help!!! Speaking from experience.

[@stevester9148]

If you hate and resent your parents for the rest of your life rather than understanding why they were flawed people and forgiving them for this, you WILL become them.

[@poser_disposer]

I never realized how rough of a childhood i had until a few years ago, and im 28. I'm the type of person that shuts down in confrontation because that's how i learned to deal with my parents arguing. It took me years to learn how to stand up for myself, and its still something i struggle with to this day.

[@Legionary512]

As someone who feels like they are always behind the pack, this is really helpful Finn. I spent the first 30 years either not acknowledging my disability because I was not allowed to do so when I was a child, or fighting to catch up. Going to give the next 30 an honest try and create the life I know I can build. Not sure what that looks like quite yet, but for the immediate future: I have a stable job, I'm giving back to other people with disabilities so they can rise up as well, and taking care of those around me who are struggling or simply just need a helping hand.

[@cristescuandrei921]

The act of providing inspiration for people to get over their emotional issues through graceful sincerity and authenticity is such a hardcore thing to do. I admire you so incredibly much Finn!

[@theangelbelow88]

Love these types of videos. In full honesty, a lot of these types of videos have helped me make better decisions in my personal life and have pushed me to just be a better version of myself, so thank you for allowing yourself to be vulnerable with us and giving us some solid life advice, it means a lot more than you know to a lot of people

[@shanevstheworld]

Your self help videos, though few and far between, is your best content. Spoken true, from the heart, with good advice from actual experiences. I've got a psychology degree and you're pretty spot on.

[@freeman7079]

Man, this cut deep. Literally just had a session with my therapist about this very topic. Finn, you’re a kick ass dude! Mad respect for you……..you’re going to be an amazing father, my friend!

[@LewisOfAranda]

I remember how back in the day this secondary channel was generally about life advice, financial advice and so on. I liked it, so I'm glad you're returning to that a bit

[@TheXandemic]

My mom was raped, abused, her siblings died in a fire.. and she seems like a nice woman still, she was never an alcoholic.

[@Nailbombb]

I like when you talk about life and giving advice ❤️

[@HappinessDIY]

Jesús. Finns backstory is way more insane than I was expecting and i knew some vague aspects of it. So much more respect for learning this and seeing where he is now.

[@CatLoverx900]

You eventually find yourself in a weird but wholesome position. You realize your parents or parent or guardian (usually) did the best they can as broken people.

[@jevinday]

Thank you for this Finn. You have talked a lot about your mother. I am grateful that i have had the needle out of my arm for over 5 years but alcohol has been hard for me to kick. Thank you for being honest. I have started creating content recently and i don't know how open i want to be but bro, when it comes down to it I was a straight up homeless junkie. I don't feel like I'm being my true self if I'm not telling my story. I will probably write a novel eventually, it was seriously crazy. Thank you for encouraging me to be a better person.

[@FinnMckentyPRMBA]

Go for it man! Don’t be afraid of judgement. For every person who judges you, 100 more will respect you for being open

[@user-yd2mz7qm9q]

totally agree with Finn's reply. people that are that judgmental usually are insecure and have a deep fear of vulnerability. there's so many people it can help though. it's really scary to be vulnerable, but for me personally, learning to accept the discomfort in being vulnerable/being open about my addiction and mental health issues, has been one of the most helpful things in my own recovery. peace

[@maidentrooper138]

Didn’t expect this type of video and it had me fidgety in my seat wanting to turn it off not realizing why. Stuck with it and had me unpacking all of that baggage mentally nearly crying and ended with me hugging my 2 year old daughter. Thanks for this Finn.

[@okyjoe]

My daughter was born two years ago and I've gotta say you hit the nail on the head. Since my daughter was born I've tried to become more understanding, gentle, and goofy/playful again. Something I didn't think I could be since I was such a depressed and anxious person at a lot of points in my life. To be honest I thought it was going to be hard because you know 'the world is an awful place' but my daughter made it effortless. Her smile, her laugh, just her presence, makes me want to be better. Sometimes kids bring out the best in us and I'm beyond grateful for my daughter.

[@lightningmonky7674]

You're probably the best new KZbinr, you have so much useful wisdom along with great taste in music :)

[@Angela22067]

One morning during my senior year of high school, I was sitting in my Health class when one of the English teachers, Mr. H, walked in. He wanted to tell us a story about something that had happened recently. His kid, who was a year younger than me, had borrowed his car, but forgot to return the keys, which sent his dad flying into a rage. Mr. H started tearing into his kid, not only about the keys, but everything else he’d done wrong in his life. Thankfully, Mr. H was aware enough to realize that at some point, his rant stopped being about the keys and instead he was unleashing his pent up frustration on his unwitting kid. As kids, we did not have the benefit of hindsight. We did not know if our parents were having a shitty day or what patterns from childhood they were repeating. We had not idea what kind of baggage came with their emotions, we just knew we were getting yelled at for nothing. We were relying on them to be the adults in the room and remain in control, not trauma dump on their own kids. As a parent myself, I will say, it’s not always going to be possible to not yell at your kids. Take a tip from Mr. H and at least do your best to stay on topic.

[@ArianaAshleeee27x]

As someone who broke the cycle too - I love this. 💪 still working on the damage done but determined to give my daughter even more than what I needed. Thanks for sharing, Finn!

[@michaelhickson4317]

This shot really hit me, it’s like your my supervisor reading my last poor performance review 😅

[@AvengedHate26]

I feel like “life lessons with Finn” could be a thing, your very intelligent and insightful, thank you!

[@artificialcomfort]

I like when Finn goes “dad” mode. A lot of kids in the scene are kids that came from broken families.

[@jimmyh2100]

Man I needed this.. I have a daughter being born any day. Im 38 and have lived a similar life but with abuse... got into a farm accident and lost my leg. I hit the booze and unfortunately pain pills hard. Just wanted to numb and then im stuck in my head with mental health issues since a kid. Man I met my fiance 3.5 yrs ago and she saved my life. Been sober 6.5 yrs. It is possible and keep up the fight! Thank you for this!!!

[@FinnMckentyPRMBA]

You got this man!! Keep fighting!

[@jimmyh2100]

Thank you so much for the response that means that much more. Thank you for caring! Hope all is well man and keep kicking ass and taking names!!!!

[@rebekahcarter8120]

This is probably the most important video you've ever made. Mad respect for you. This is so inspiring. Thank you.

[@shootdang8618]

Wow this is an extremely important topic. So glad you put up a video on it. So many people will go thru life never hearing this advice and they desperately need it. My mom was a drug addicted psycho and my dad was a completely emotionless rage machine growing up who literally caused his own heart attack. To this day I still have to mentally check in and evaluate the "secret or hidden scripts" in my belief structures. Thank you for putting your work, time and effort into this video and what you do. I'm so happy for your family. As a metal head who has become quite the normy with a wife of now 8 years. I can say the other side is much much better and you truly can overcome anything like Finn said.

[@89PunkWhite]

Love Finn so much. He's like the older brother I never had and never knew I needed

[@dressagegirlkae]

Thanks for making this video! I’ve spent most of my life working on this too. My step children had even more toxic of parents than I had. My step kids are a pain in the ass but I refuse to be like my parents for their sake. I am autistic and my parents literally threatened to kill me for literally everything I did growing up. Since I’ve become an adult my mom has done a 180, but my dad just gets worse and worse. He has health problems so he frequently moves back in with me and my brother. I have a full ass family to take care of myself, but I go straight back to being that child that everyone wanted dead when she was a sick because they were alcoholics and could not even take care of themselves. Now, I am trying to be like my mom and be happy in poverty instead of being like my dad who thinks life would be better if I were all the way out of the picture. I tell my step kids everyday that they don’t have to be like disabled old me, their hardworking dad or their addict mom who abandoned them. They can make their own choices and be their own person.

[@zstarzzz7]

Severely needed this video, Finn. You couldn't possibly know what critical juncture that this video saw me through. Thank you.

[@1mlb704]

I think everybody - regardless of their situation - can listen to this and benefit somehow from hearing what you're saying

[@futuristic.handgun]

This is why I love your live streams and one of the biggest reasons that I am a fan of yours. I just turned 32 a little over a week ago and I am where you said you were at when you were my age. I've got to change my fucking life. I cannot keep living the way I am anymore. I've got to find a way out. Thank you for the reminder and thank you for the tips. I appreciate you so much.

[@evilandproud]

This is a topic close to my own heart. Thanks for bringing light to it. I'm damn near 40 with a 6 year old and I'm still recognizing traits in myself that mirror my alcoholic parent. It takes time and energy and a lot of self reflection, but it's not impossible. Much respect to you! Your boy is very lucky to have a dad like you.

[@IWearShaqs]

I can relate. I'm straight out the trailer park in Mississippi. I'm now a 28 year old electrical engineer that owns a home. Brick of course.

[@pAWNproductionsDE]

Sheeesh, bricks and everything! Good for you Rusty. Just don't throw too much sand into people's eyes

[@IWearShaqs]

@@pAWNproductionsDE Sheshaw!!

[@shaneharrington3655]

Word. 100% on everything you said. Great vid. Maybe one thing I’d ad is; just a little, natural bit of anger is fine/necessary for a kid. The world is scary and we need to model reality for them too, but in a safe way.

[@Luka_Griffin]

I'm happy that you're in a far better place now. I'm also trying to overcome a shitty childhood and my parents' ideas and patterns. Your words are very helpful. Thank you for talking about your experience and for the advice.

[@ShazzaRose]

I 100% stand by the belief that you Are the people you hang around with. 6-7 years back, I was partying every weekend, going to shows and hanging around some absolutely fucking miserable emotional-vampires and their behavior and way of thinking really bled into me as time went on. I was drinking every day, only a few a night but A NIGHT, so that's a lot in a week, and binge-drinking on the weekends. I was a depressive, nihilistic, apathetic asshole of a person who thought the world fuckin' owed me something. - VERY MUCH like my Father. Which I realized in recent years. All these years later, I don't speak to any of those people anymore. I stopped going to shows, I had to move back in with my mother. And people loveee to pay me out for that, but since coming back home, scaling back my friend group to just my childhood friends + a couple of other actually decent people, my mindset has completely changed. I barely ever drink anymore, I have zero patience for bullshit and nihilism, and while I may not be Quite where I wanna be in life, but I'm a hell of a lot more stable than I was. I'm happier, healthier, my mind is a much lighter, less negative place and I am more able to identify when I'M being a shit, when I've been/Am the problem, and correct my behavior. Something that took a shitload of self-reflection and many literal conversations with myself out-loud in the mirror. Do I miss going to shows every weekend? Absolutely. Would I go back though? Now? After finding out how shady and fucking gross a lot of those bands were offstage? Fuck No. As it is, one of my absolute favourite old local bands just announced they're re-forming and coming back, but after learning some really shitty things about their bassist recently, I won't be attending their shows. And I'm sorry this got so long, but you were spitting straight fuckin' truths in this video and I had to throw my two cents in.

[@FinnMckentyPRMBA]

💪

[@martinacvetkovic2825]

I have a screwy elementary and middle school years and they're the root of some of my trauma. Right now, as a high schooler I'm slowly but surely healing from the toxic "friends" who I'm genuinely trying to cut them out of my life. Finn, stay strong and congratulations on your son.😊

[@hanslamontagne]

Jesus man... this is dark af. Also, props on being open about this. I'm struggling with life right now as a 42 year old, and on the outside things must appear fine but my mind is chaotic. Keep making good content my friend.

[@borhagan9057]

Very relatable story and message Finn. My upbringing was almost identical, I struggled when I had my daughter 18 months ago because I was terrified I would be a bad parent like mine were. Thanks for the video today Finn

[@xp8969]

I often disagree with your opinions on music (love for Limp Bizkit and hatred for the greatest music genre of all time: ska) but this was a great video, props to you for making and posting this one bro

[@mattwhite399]

Great video, Finn! Thank you! You’ve broken the cycle, and you’re going to be a fantastic dad!

[@CIRCLEOFTONE]

Great stuff. The main thing I want my daughter to know is that she will ALWAYS have a home base to fall back on, rent/chore free no matter what happens in her professional and personal life. Mentally that lifts such a burden. Your point on stability is spot on.

[@QuincyKane]

I'm so happy to hear that you were able to overcome such a hard past; thanks for sharing what you've learned with others so they can do the same!

[@benjamesmuzz]

Thanks for reinforcing some thoughts and actions I’ve been working on over the past few years. Similar story to yours. Really appreciate this Finn x

[@davidhastoomanyinterests6361]

Great, great video. Nailed it. The one thing that also helped me: "Consequential Wants" - You want money? Than you have to work, which you might not wanna do but you want something that is more important to you, so you have to bite the bullet and just do it.

[@coleharmon1680]

One point to add, what you choose to entertain yourself with will also rub off on you. If you constantly fill your mind with songs about death and decay, can you really be surprised if that’s what shows up in your life and actions ? I know people are drawn to the cathartic nature of metal, and that can certainly be a good thing. But it can also easily become a negativity feedback loop that sends you into a downward spiral. Just as an experiment, try only listening to positive stuff (or nothing at all) for a couple of weeks and just see if the fog doesn’t lift a little bit.

[@FinnMckentyPRMBA]

I could not agree more with this

[@pAWNproductionsDE]

100% man. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy death metal. But I can't help but feel more drawn towards music about love, dancing, and partying (in general, not the drugged-out kind)

[@theradical2479]

This is probably my favorite video from you finn. This very topical for me and my friends who all wanna live different lives than our trauma wants to lead up down. Thank you finn! Much love bro!

[@dancanidanho3698]

"Nobody gets into metal because things were great at home when they were a kid." I'm 31 and I just started to realize this last year. So true.

[@frankclifton9191]

Thanks Finn. I'm 30 years old and really been starting to realize how my childhood manifests in my daily life and how i beat myself up for fucked up shit that I saw or happened to me when I was 5 years old. You inspire me dude I'm so grateful for you and all your insight because i really have been struggling with this and felt hopeless and doomed for years now. This was really the shot of hope I desperately needed. I'm so tired of being this neurotic destructive person because I know there is something amazing underneath all that Bullshit.

[@ljrumpf3]

Finn, first, congratulations for becoming a father! You are a great Daddy for us, you will be a fantastic Dad IRL! Second, a huge thank you for being this open with your community. Understanding doesn't happen without communication. Communication doesn't happen without community. Thank you for being a part of the reason the "heavy" community is coming together and supporting each other despite genre, scene or location.

[@astralmass]

Thanks for this man, really.

[@hungryjustin]

Really needed to hear this. Thanks for sharing Finn 🙏🤝

[@J_3564]

Finn i think we all appreciate the fact that you can create videos with topics as serious as this but more importantly we thank you for sharing your knowledge that will help us all

[@headyBC]

I had an extremely similar upbringing as you, Finn… and about the same age. Thank you for this. I’m 46 now and very definitely living in the consequences of my own poor adult decisions…. But I’m happy, and changing.

[@mikeyhodge6191]

I haven’t talked to my abusive mom in 10 years, and have a dad currently in prison. But I’m in my mid 30’s, I have a career, make decent living, and have a 7 year old who is the coolest and brightest kid ever. It blows my mind that my parents could act how they did. But that also makes it easy for me to not make those same mistakes. Great video Finn 🤘

[@__M738]

I spent the first 30 years avoiding anything that happened to me in the first 18 years or so of my life. Having a kid forced me to face everything but I knew prior to kids that I would break the shit cycle. There is a difference though..breaking the cycle out of spite isn’t healthy at all and leads to a lot of silent rage when nobody is around. It took therapy and a lot of work to maintain the right way of life for my kids and wife but it is entirely possible to break away from whatever negative situations you come from.

[@delix787]

We really needed to hear this!! Thank you Finn! 💙

[@chadhenry961]

@1:24 Thats exactly how my mom is. The other day she had a crying meltdown just like that because I wasn't interested in getting an expensive dietary supplement brand she's obsessed with and constantly pesters me about. ("I'm just trying to look out for your health and you don't appreciate it!")

[@FinnMckentyPRMBA]

Yep that sounds familiar

[@matpeachey3946]

God damn man. Well done for speaking about this stuff. Literally my favourite person on KZbin. Sending love ❤

[@musicalchick3]

I love when you do these kinds of videos. Well done finn.

[@richboyprado]

I’m loving these “self help” type clips - we just have to keep reminding ourselves, that it gets better. We romanticize drugs, when in reality that party ends, after like the first year. It becomes a sad, lonely existence

[@RY30DM]

I just want to say that I love your channel. There are times when you've had me laughing hysterically where I can almost not breathe, and then there are topics like today which are deadly serious. I recently had a really bad fight with my dad where I wound up calling the police. My father can be very passive aggressive, and he'll say shitty stuff under his breath. He probably thinks I don't hear it, but he's hard of hearing and I hear every word. Well, the last thing he said really pissed me off, and I wasn't going to let it go. It got to the point where we were both telling each other we hated each other, and then came the physical challenges. I told him I'd hurt him, and he said the same back to me. He then said the shittiest thing every "You're worthless. You offer nothing to society." Yup, that was pretty low. I just laughed and said "I have my own KZbin channel" and I walked away. I then went into our backyard and called the police. One guy showed up, and he said I seemed pretty calm. My old man is 79, and his anger has almost destroyed my life. I was just in the mental hospital for my bipolar and for anger issues, and ironically, I came out angrier then when I went in. I'm a gay man and we're supposed to be the mellower type, but I listen to Liquid Metal on Sirius/XM Satellite Radio instead of fucking Diplo's Revolution or BPM. But, I did start to read an awesome book called The Anger Trap while I was in the hospital. I'm going to have to track that book down.

[@FinnMckentyPRMBA]

Passive aggressiveness is awful. My mom was like that and unfortunately I can be too. Sorry you have to deal with that!

[@leftisbest7173]

Finn, you are amazing for sharing this. Thank you for being so brave.

[@Michela]

Thank you for this, I'm grateful to hear your story. I've been in an abusive relationship for a long time and I'm just starting to try and un-learn those little scripts. I was convinced to believe fights and having to simply absorb insults that are hurled in your direction in a relationship were normal. I got into the relationship when I was a teenager and I was impressionable. I had a mum who was similar to yours too. She tried hard to be kind and I'd say she was an incredibly compassionate person overall, but she turned into a different person when she drank. She died in exactly the same way your mum did. I'm 36 now and I'm trying hard to get out of my situation (It's been almost impossible), but at least I'm doing the work to throw out those scripts so that I can seek out something better in time.

[@FinnMckentyPRMBA]

💪

[@rchall1016]

Thank you for this video. Seriously, it helps me realize by being alone it isn't as big of a deal as everyone makes it sound. I'm a single dad raising two kids on my own, and it's exhausting. But, I love them and I dropped everything to make sure they are taken care of since their mom dipped out.

[@FinnMckentyPRMBA]

Keep fighting the good fight man! Being a single parent is hard as hell but you are doing what's right for your kids.

[@roybucket4169]

I absolutely love these mental health videos. Thanks for this Finn.

[@Dannyexplosion]

Fantastic message. Sometimes you have to put the work into the growing up part, but you are totally worth it. ❤

[@omgwtfbbq2011]

i love how open you are finn, you arent afraid to say whats gone one in the past, too many people ive seen that have done these sort of videos still shield from real shit, you talk from the heart and it really comes across. thankyou

[@Shibby27ify]

It's a mix of taking in your parents and reacting to your parents and family of origin. It's good to know that much of the normal self is habitually in reaction to one's past too. It's also good to know how much of this is implicit. Much of it is actions we keep seeing ourselves do seemingly without control or any thought. Or somatic experiences. In childhood trauma we are ruled by painful sensations and almost living in flashbacks in relationship to others. I'm a therapist that specializes in childhood trauma. It takes work but it's NOT FATE! (wow, this is actually great advice you're giving here) (Some therapy models that actually help childhood trauma are: Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy [AEDP], Schema Therapy, Internal Family Systems [IFS], Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, Brainspotting)

[@JohnHenrysaysHi]

Great video, Finn. God bless you.

[@blesner]

Thanks for touching on this subject Finn. Ive done 10 sessions of psyliosybin therapy to break the cycle.

[@stacysolitude]

Hearing about your experience spending Christmas at your in-law's hit hard. I felt like an alien or David Attenborough-esque narrator as I observed what a functional family was like. It's so surreal when you're hit with that realization of "oh shit-- my childhood wasn't normal."

[@luka7334]

these are my favorite videos of yours. I always try and apply your points to my life as they always seem to align!

[@austins.2495]

Thanks for this Finn 🙏

[@RyanNJ]

I’m stuck in a bad cycle now man can’t get out of it I can relate to a lot of what you said just struggling to break free of what I feel stuck in. Thanks for the video this was greats

[@komma3366]

The second script you talked about I think fits a lot too with the hardcore scene’s disdain for law enforcement. Like they’ll start the song and dedicate it to how much they don’t like cops, meanwhile the only interaction they ever had with one is a parking ticket. It’s kinda hilarious when you see it from the outside looking in.

[@FinnMckentyPRMBA]

They just parrot that shit because they think it sounds cool and edgy. In reality they just look like petulant children

[@thecozysnail]

I love this type of content from you Finn! you did some earlier videos about not wasting your times playing video games and that really resonated with me. I hope you can make more videos like this in the future so I'm commenting for engagement!

[@pears0094]

Self Talk is HUGE!!! My father, (bless him 🙏🏼 … A wise man) Would always talk to me about what “stories and self talk” was I giving myself! What am I not only consuming physically, but what am I reading, listening to, putting in my mind, etc, etc… Who are you spending your time with… This is fantastic Finn!!! Thank you for videos like these!!! You’re a great person!!!

[@codymanninen5735]

I grew up in a household of alchohalism and domestic violence and it was absolutely awful. It's the biggest reason that i don't drink and have never done any drugs. Both of my parents have passed away; I love them and wouldn't trade them for anyone else's parents, but I never want to be like them.

[@dlawrence947]

Thanks Finn, I really appreciate these types of videos. Be well!

[@LeDardeursPalace]

Thanks for that, I needed that. Sometimes you just need someone to say these things out loud to make em register properly.

[@basedostrich]

This is very unexpected from Finn but it was quite touching

[@resington]

Dad family man here. Just look after your kids guys. Talk to them, play with them, don't let their bad behaviour be rewarded. Encourage their good traits, don't be afraid to tell them off for doing dumb bad things. Don't be guilty for doing cheap trips with them, a lawn and a ball go a long way. Parenting is the best most important job you'll ever have.

[@no1defleppardfan101]

growing up in the 80s, my mom’s father was an alcoholic. she told me how at the age of 8 she felt responsible for taking care of him, like making sure he went to work, waking up, etc. he would also bring his friends over and play poker and even sometimes bring women over. this would happen when my mom was there for visitation. i am so thankful that my mom took the initiative to not end up like my grandfather, as alcoholism is a running trait in my family line, along with smoking. my mom is the first of our family to not end up as a alcoholic. however, me being 19, i am now the second of our family.

[@SoundAsleepSpace]

Alcohol puts a lid on human growth and potential. That's why it's legal. Try magic mushrooms instead.