How to Get What You Want By Letting Go [The Backwards Law]

Another one of life's most simple paradoxes. The harder you try, the less likely you are to succeed.
This is the Backwards Law.
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Thanks for watching.

[@meh_lady]

This was absolutely true with my weight loss. For years I tried so hard and put a ton of focus into it. This last time was different, I just allowed it into the fold within my life. I took on the mindset that I wasn’t saying no to crappy food, but rather saying yes to what was important. I flat-out cruised through losing 85 pounds and have kept it off for three years. It wasn’t even difficult, which blows my mind. While I think it’s cool that I did it, there was no huge feeling of accomplishment when I hit goal. It was more of an “Okay, that’s done…what’s next?” kind of thing and I moved into changing my job situation. Being chill about my goals made a HUGE difference.

[@TheHorseshoePartyUK]

Very ironic how it all works on that front. I've lost about 30 Lbs the last two years, without even trying, not even trying hard to increase exercise, not obsessively calorie counting. Just some readjusting my attitude and becoming more and more aware of ironies that seem intrinsic to human existence. Humanity has naturally evolved with a tendency to carry a little extra fat from times of plenty, to survive harsh winters. So, the more you obsessively think about cutting back on food, the more you think about food, the more hungry yet self-loathing you become, primitive monkey brain thinks you're starving whilst having enough food available to survive. So we create an illusion within and end up stuffing our faces with sugar and high GI carbs for the sake of our fee fees, as those fee fees sabotage us. I'm no professional of any kind, but I've found when it comes to 'being healthier' for me personally, I absolutely, deliberately avoid making food intake a priority. I instead think of, becoming lighter, faster, stronger, more flexible, with more stamina, and a healthier metabolism, and ended up my ideal weight with literally no effort whatsoever. [Edit for one little tip: we often confuse hunger and thirst, with excessive use of the internet depleting sugars too and upping toxic waste metabolites. So we think we need a sugary snack, but really need some clean water, and 5 - 10 minutes break, and also, smarter use of time on the internet. See Mark's attention diet video. I am unusually resilient after literally 20 years straight being Extremely Online and even my brain's had enough] Working smart is always greater than putting all your effort into a flawed approach which at best is inefficient, or at worst, backfires absurdly ironically, IMO.

[@miyannaable]

The same went for my alcoholism. I was hallucinating, and I literally couldn't go an hour without drinking - or I'd start to shake. I went to the hospital, then to a separate detox, then to rehab (the last two were of my own volition). While in detox and rehab, I did everything they suggested. I just went with it, knowing I had a four-month jail stay coming up for a DUI. While in jail, I also did everything they suggested - and I studied art and geology. I came out of it all a new person, just by being in every moment I could. I now have a small online jewelry business, but that's not the main point. The main point is the fact that I relate to what you are saying. Bless Up!!

[@miyannaable]

@@TheHorseshoePartyUK Awesome!!

[@ashugupta4642]

Can can you make one for me, for watching porn every day. I'll be thank full

[@audraharris4141]

But you still ate crappy food?

[@Dondlo46]

I like to have a "broke day" once every week where I just abandon my home and go outside in nature without anything, I'm just there and experience life all alone, it feels amazing and makes me grateful of the things I already have or don't have

[@ericlepeak502]

same, i wish

[@imnotwatchin]

savage ! I love it

[@Makiaveli01]

Honestly I saw some homeless kid on Tik Tok making food and he had so little yet that food sustained him, I’m like I must suffer like this dude it’s not fair that he suffers alone, I use to go out to eat like 2 a day now I just go out to eat once a day and I’m trying to limit the amount of times I got out to eat and make food at home, I feel like you are able to focus and the things that matter in life become more clearer

[@aymanb7041]

@@Makiaveli01 Godspeed, my friend 💚🙏

[@ale333kost21]

Powerful, thx for sharing

[@carrotbear]

“ 7:23 Desiring a positive experience is itself a negative experience; and the acceptance of a negative experience is itself a positive experience.” - Mark Manson

[@vicentetarabelli]

Yeah well... Alan Watts said those words exactly about half a century ago

[@GregorianMG]

​@@vicentetarabelli Every good life advice was made from at least a 50 years ago lel.

[@Azurethewolf168]

@@GregorianMG actually that’s been known since forever, it’s just that now it’s in a book that you read.

[@AnujKetkar]

@@vicentetarabelli he acknowledges alan watts in the book

[@vicentetarabelli]

@@AnujKetkar cool!

[@bahaatamer1245]

I've lived for seven years, SEVEN LONG YEARS alone, in a foreign country, with not a single soul to reach out to when I was in need of help, and this dude summarized every lesson I learned over those seven years, IN A VIDEO!

[@lilid5016]

He didn’t summarize everything he named few simple major human psychology phenomenon but you probably went through much more complexity even in a summary sense.

[@bahaatamer1245]

@@lilid5016 that's what I meant to say: he boiled the complex stuff down it's easy for anyone to follow along

[@lalzup94]

I’m currently where you were at too, but at the 1yr mark still. It’s crazy how incredibly scary and daunting the experience is. Hope it got better for you, and feel free to share your experience too.

[@tiberseptim6648]

tell us more about your experience please, how are you doing nowadays?

[@georgefree-da-man4070]

I’m with Tiber sounds really interesting!

[@zacmorri]

"That's because I come up with this shit" probably the coolest explanation that could be given

[@christhornham]

Haha! I agree.

[@MNP208]

🤣

[@playmakersmusic]

@@TheHeinrichSymposium Seems like you're giving too much f over a 2 month old KZbin comment.

[@wearefromnature8113]

You'll get used to it ...

[@MattiasFlodin]

Except he didn't come up with this shit

[@marisameans9859]

2x in my life when I've completely utterly let go of a desire...it showed up. When I accepted & was comfortable with being single my husband appeared...and when I gave up on finding my grandmother's antique ring, there it was.. Letting go allowed me to find it.

[@The_Chris_Haynes_Show]

Insideout. Going in, to get out.

[@anthonyfox477]

Same here - I met my wife by moving to a new city with absolutely no intentions of finding a life partner. It was absolutely the last thing on my mind. We met the first day I moved to that new city almost 20 years ago.

[@tefilobraga]

Yet, for appearing, you husband had to take an action or make an effort himself. How does that square up?

[@tefilobraga]

@@anthonyfox477 Pardon if this sounds patronizing, but believing that things happen by pure chance and cosmic randomness is a bit naive. People that are not self aware may be convinced, but there always needs to be an active part. You may not have had intentions of finding a partner, but your prospective partner in some way approached you, likely deliberately. The same idea applies to the experience shared by Marisa Means.

[@anb7922]

​@@tefilobraga I think you're right. One does have to be active and not passive to find love. I think your perception of what is active and what is passive is different from mine. I feel that to be active means simply to be receptive. Someone approaches you, and you engage with them normally is active. You don't have to be constantly approaching, but you have to be approachable. Some people approach others without being approachable themselves. The ideal level of activeness I wanna have is being able to approach 2 girls I want and approachable by 10 girls that want me.

[@lowerthetone]

It's 100% true down to tiniest things. If I'm at work telling myself I'm going to workout, clean, make healthy dinner when i get home, I'll end up doing Nothing! But if I say I'm going to do Nothing, I'll end up doing something. Something is better than nothing

[@Carmen-ly3po]

I like that!

[@gelothegogang]

Good one. Makes me more motivated to do nothing now, thanks. Oops I cleaned the plates for no reason, I got a salary raise because my boss says I did a good job, but in my my mind I did nothing, I met, spoke, dated and hooked up with this girl I met for like 3 weeks even though I said I wanted to do absolutely nothing!! Wtf is happening pls help!!!!

[@lowerthetone]

@@gelothegogang Literally the plot to Office Space lol

[@gelothegogang]

@@lowerthetone Wish I could actually stop giving a shit about everything.

[@pyang1998]

thats true❤

[@Alan_Edwards]

The word is surrender. Not in the sense that you give up...but just surrender to what is. It does take some practice, but it pays off in the end. You can learn to free yourself from your mind. Great stuff Mark and loved the Don't Give a F*ck book brother.

[@T-KRD]

"Emancipate yourselves from modern slavery. None but ourselves can free our minds". Bob Marley

[@hunterdumont398]

‘resign’ is perhaps an even better word

[@BatmanSwiss]

​@@hunterdumont398perfect

[@Kanjiro0]

surrendering to god is the answer

[@mleszzor6866]

@@Kanjiro0 It is not. It is simply weak.

[@eagillum]

I remember reading Michael Cain's autobiography and he said he learned to lean back in his chair at meetings/ dates. When people are excited and desirous, they lean forward, but the people who are confident that the thing will come to them lean back.

[@user-rx7uh9mg4f]

I consciously decide to do that while talking to someone I admired for the first time. As soon as I laid back, she was much more comfortable because I seemed more comfortable. My anxiety also went down and I could focus on our conversation.

[@michaeljohnson2922]

Always good content Mark. “Desire is a contract that you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want” - Naval Ravikant

[@heididupont4582]

What a profound statement.

[@TheHorseshoePartyUK]

This is fantastic, thank you so much!

[@edh6062]

And when you get what you want, you'll want something else.

[@ricktheexplorer]

You do go up on a different level; unequivocally, when you do get what you want. Opens up a new world, sometimes.

[@TheHorseshoePartyUK]

@Just Chill Who creates the desire? "Who is the watcher of the thoughts? Just a thought!" - Alan Watts

[@doubleslit9513]

So true. It’s like in college when all I wanted was a steady gf and a friend of mine says to me “Jon, you will have more gfs than you ever wanted once you stop looking for one.” 60 y/o now and that guy was so right.

[@tennischampagne]

Now its the case ? ahah

[@nandu1770]

How did that even work?

[@CB00]

@@nandu1770he just stopped trying and it came to him

[@runswithraptors]

Lol okay 50 years ago people still had social skills and wanted relationships for healthy reasons not just to use one another and stroke their egos

[@NN-fz4pd]

So u have gonorrhea

[@fruchtfledermausg6841]

I have heard of detachment theory when it comes to manifestation; Allowing things to fall into place and attracting what you currently are, by BEING what you want to be/have etc, rather than CHASING- But i love your explanation on this topic, Mark. Ironically, things tend to fall into place so much quicker once we accept things as they currently are, and have an attitude of gratitude.

[@theupwardspiral1580]

I've been learning about that exact same thing. This encourages me to keep going. Thank you.

[@KristiContemplates]

Drownproofing is how I got through my last two birthing experiences. During the contractions I tripped over the fact that if I just surrendered to the contraction and didn't fight the pain, then it took the edges off the pain, which actually allowed labour to progress more.

[@richardswaby6339]

If this works for all women then this comment should be shouted from the rooftops. Not literally.

[@rosepemberton5262]

Me too. It's a spiritual experience , giving birth.

[@VickiMM]

Wow! So amazing. Thanks for sharing that

[@sezzo154]

I do this for period pain it really works

[@megjillm]

Same here, 4 kids.

[@jerryyu7270]

This is absolutely spot on. I forgot where I watched it but a study in golf showed that the more players worried about the outcome, the worse they performed. This is also true for basketball players taking buzzer beater shots, kids in a spelling bee, etc. The more you worry about the outcome, the worse you'll perform. It's extremely ironic, the people who are best under pressure do not even feel the pressure.

[@jurigagarin3396]

Exactly. I know this very well from my (amateurish) pool billard matches with a good friend. 🙂

[@a.c.2211]

also penqlties kicks in football (soccer for usa)

[@gaterb11]

I would agree with all but one point within this comment. The best performers under pressure still feel pressure, but they are so enamored with their PROCESS and ROUTINE, they allow the result to happen naturally. This focus allows the mind and body to function successfully even under duress from outside factors.

[@menamgamg]

I have ADHD and struggle immensely with this, and ive always been aware of it too which is ironic because i just can't help it.. i get stuck in these negative loops and it makes it seemingly impossible for me to improve at certain things :(

[@ItsBecauseImBored]

I don't know the study which makes me wonder whether they controlled for actual skill or (even better) if the effect was analyzed experimentally. Because if neither is true I would highly doubt the meaningfulness of the correlation. It is likely worry would also be related to skill, meaning when it is objectively more likely for the person to perform worse, they would worry more. Worry could therefore solely function as a mediator between skill and outcome. It's essential to know how researchers attained these results and whether the research design was sound.

[@luisdiegorodriguezjenkins5861]

When I decided to stop expecting things, more I received. Not resisting is the key !

[@maddyharvey7414]

This applies to being happier as well. The more you try to be ‘the best version’ of yourself and happy as often as possible, the more miserable you tend to become.

[@Mome_]

Then how do you became the “best version of yourself” and happy While applying this law ?!

[@ShafeekAhmed-fd9zx]

​@@Mome_by accepting yourself I guess

[@sudelish]

@@Mome_being the best version of yourself is doing what makes you feel good! and what makes you feel good makes you happy. so they are the result of feeling good!

[@katycosta1364]

I haven’t experienced that with myself. Deciding to become the best version of myself helped me choose to remember I only need to worry about how I respond. I want to be happy, so I don’t get mad at the road rager- I send them blessings.

[@runswithraptors]

Wrong at least in my experience. Striving to become your best version is always worth it, not saying it is possible for everyone but striving for something greater is the important part

[@sarangtamirisa5090]

I have experienced this so many times that it's almost one of the basic living rules for me now. In high stake situations like a very important exam, interview or something, I constantly tell myself that the outcome of this doesn't matter and didn't affect your life. Learned this by failing multiple times and it works pretty well now. It's even true for very small things like playing casual sports where you want to improve. The more emphasis I put on getting better, the worse I play. When I just play to have fun and chill, I'm better

[@catherinegelle]

geez yeah

[@yonpark6245]

I am a doctor, so every patient I see is a potential misdiagnosis and death/disability. If someone dies in front of me, I must run the code and perform CPR/ACLS. I am relaxed tho because I am highly trained and have confidence in myself. So while I agree that panicking about anything will not work out at all, not recognizing the importance of events is not the way to do it. To extend Mark's metaphor: train yourself to relax and understand the physics of breath-releasing to sink to the bottom. Then use your knowledge/skill to overcome any anxiety you might feel.

[@proverbalizer]

But most people who get really good at sports (Kobe, MJ etc), definitely do care about getting good, and it's what drives them to excel far beyond people of equal talent

[@LionvandenBrand]

Hi, just wanted to say that I needed to read your comment today. I've applied at three companies and have to decide today which one I'm going for. As you may understand, it's a bit exciting because how do I know which choice is the best for me at this moment in my life? Thanks to Mark's video and your comment, I'm feeling a lot more relaxed now. Thanks! 🙏🏼

[@Quanic2000]

I feel I had to do this with my dad. I can't imagine what he went through as a young solider in Vietnam and as a refugee here in the states. But he didn't have the coping mechanisms necessary to overcome his "demons" and instead found his solace at the bottom of a whiskey bottle. Not even a dutiful wife or 2 successful children could make him feel what being drunk does. So to in order for me to be happy, I had to let him and any idea of us having a healthy relationship go. It's unfortunate, but it's life.

[@MBACCOMEDY]

I’m sorry

[@dbandthekings9206]

I need to see this video once a month to remind me to let go.

[@zenostrixster]

For me letting go of the desire to be loved seems to be an example. I have this person i really like and before i kept worrying about what she thought of me and legit couldnt look at her. I started avoiding her out of fear and at one point i realized this was killing me inside. So in my mind i accepted that i can not predict the future and that all i can really do is hope. I accepted the fact that i could litterly be told to "Get Lost" and focused purely on doing the right thing which was to apologize. I apologized and was forgiven like its no big deal. She told me to take it easy and that i didnt need to apologize for that. Needless to say ive fallen more in love with this women and its like i simply feel like i want to make her happy. Paradoxically its making me happier and more postive. I realized that thinking about yourself and your own selfish desires actually makes you less likely to get it. But if your motivation is self trancending than it feels really relaxing and like the stakes arent that high and you feel better and more motivated. Ive started living to make others live better and i am feeling more motivated and have better connections

[@jorgerisk4708]

The metaphor about the pool changes completely if instead of being in a pool you are in open sea. If you let yourself get sinked in you are going to drown. The bottom of the pool can be translated as in a safe space/support group where you can let go and know you won't get lower than that bottom. And I think that's the most important part.

[@garthballantine193]

Excellent point

[@ascaris2]

Totally!

[@a_0124]

Yeah but if you’re in the sea and panic and try your hardest not to drown it will probably happen. You still have to let go and relax

[@steniorodrigo5590]

You have a good point.

[@cactusjackhausen8508]

Silly Jorge. If you do it in the sea, mermaids come to your rescue. Duh

[@thejackedswordsman3526]

Heres my story on this: I for weeks then months failed to get anything done. This I knew that I could not get anything done. First red flag. Then at my new job I wanted to work on building relationships with the crew so for my first 3 shifts I can describe it as suffocating I wanted people to like me then day 4 hit (today). I just went in and did not care about anyone's opinion I just was in a good mood and rode that wave. Holy shit in my 8 hour day coworkers started to chat to me and strengthened relationships I had great conversations with customers even was causally flirty with some cute customers. And now I am seeing this video to solidify my point. Let go guys it really does not matter we are going to die soon...… Let go

[@JazzPianoRager]

It’s interesting that, for all the criticism we lay on our parents’ generation, they actually lived this description of human life. The ability to get out of bed when they didn’t want to, tolerate friction and disapproval from people, not always expect happiness to be the reward for every activity…they had that on us. This shit is actually quite hard for us today.

[@tavtaverner5886]

This is essentially what Buddhism teaches in a nutshell. Very well done!

[@spacenomad4477]

Taoism too

[@radharajguru529]

This is exactly what I needed to hear today. Mark you have no idea what you've done. You made a difference, that's all I'll say.

[@hoolerboris]

You said it perfectly, Radha

[@polppppcheesecake]

Go back to India

[@syedarsalanahmad]

You wanted to hear it so it went unheard

[@euryquir3121]

Uhuh

[@surayachase2534]

Sameeee! ❤

[@richardanderson3476]

after experiencing a near mental breaking from burnout and piling life curveballs, i decided to let go by going skating, ignoring people i didn’t want to talk to and letting all responsibility fade out of my mind even though i know there were “pressing” things i knew i had to do. it had crazy effects. i feel like time has slowed down, i’m on top of almost everything in my life and i get to the end of the day and it dawns on me that everything got done. all this made me realise that after years of constant stress, anxiety and a feeling of there never being enough time that the more i “gave up” the more productive and at peace i would become. all of the negative dispositions i had were actually all for nothing and that all that mattered was perspective.

[@citizendc9]

I read the testimony of a stutterer who cured himself by doing the opposite of what stutters do. He relaxed more when he messed up. He went out and spoke to random people. He joined a toast club etc... eventually he unlearned his stutter. This perspective reminds me of that ex stutterer's actions. Completely opposite to what stutterers do.

[@gaoda1581]

That's how it worked out with my social anxiety in high school. I thought talking to strangers was unbearably awkward; however, once I got a job at the grocery store, I was forced to speak to dozens every day in a consistent context. Within weeks, I stopped having the aversion and eventually went out of my way to chat with coworkers from all walks of life.

[@cara.leo_]

Absolutely life changing advice. Definitely applies to love. I’ve focused so hard on finding the one - reading a ton of books of relationships, dating strategies, even to the point of hiring a dating coach. But to no luck. I didn’t have any success or enjoyment in dating until I’ve learned to let go of the outcome, enjoy connecting and getting to know someone as a person, and accept the fact that there’s a chance I might not find the one, and that’s ok. Weirdly, the release of entitlement to this idea that I must have someone is itself the solution to the problem, that being the feeling of unworthiness and loneliness. You’re awesome Mark!

[@Dedlogico]

This also ties with paradoxical intention, if some one has performance anxiety, if he's told to just try to perform a little worse willingly, doesn't matter the results, he will perform better at his task.

[@TheHorseshoePartyUK]

"You MUST love and obey mother and father but it only counts if you do it willingly!" - Alan Watts

[@ZappyLife]

Sometimes people will not like you, but you engage with them anyway. That sometimes, you will not feel confident, but you do the thing anyway. That sometimes you will not be happy, but you'll get out of bed anyway. You decide to accept that most of the things you do in your life will result in failure. And not only is that okay, it's the only way, to get back to the surface to breathe, to do it again. THANK YOU MARK for this advice!

[@the_primal_instinct]

I quit smoking this way. I've never forbidden myself from smoking. I even still consider myself a smoker today. I just don't smoke.

[@eleanorhammond]

This works for a lot of things, including crocheting. I just started learning how to crochet and the harder/tighter I held onto the yarn, the more difficult it was to weave it. However, my friend told me to loosen my grip and relax, and the yarn then worked with me!

[@catpaws1913]

I learned this as a kid when my brother shoved me into the adult pool 3x my height, I just started walking towards the edge of the pool and jumping up when I need air, I was fueled by pure rage and out for blood. But also my mind just runs on the mindset that if there's a way in, there's a way out

[@onigiri_rice2923]

so did you kill your brother? jking ofc

[@sarahcolak9673]

So how s your relationship to your brother today!

[@wyclefohara4169]

When I was little I could barely swim and one time I went too deep into the sea. I started sinking down, so I decided to calm myself and walk underwater on the bottom towards the beach. Well, it didn't work, the waves were pulling me back into the sea and I was running out of air. I finally panicked and started to flick myself around like any drowning person would do.This already brought someone's attention but I didn't notice so I started screaming, my lungs were burning from inhaling water, but at least a young lady could localise me& bring me back.She literally had to hold my entire bodyweight for a few minutes when it was too deep for me to walk but it was too shallow for her to keep swimming. So yeah🥴

[@Coco-zu9ob]

"If there's a way in, there's a way out". Words to live by. Thank you! 🙏

[@kimsid3523]

@@sarahcolak9673 exactly my question also, because my brother did this kind of crap to me too and the relationship is not good today 😂

[@ssairshows]

I call this "give up and win". That's how I broke Guinness world records I was chasing...by stopping the chasing after a few failures and givng up it freed my mind to find a way to overcome the challenges by seeing the solutions when they presented themselves. That renewed my motivation to chase those records and ultimatly succeed.

[@capriphonix8863]

Wow, congratulations!!!

[@Sentinella911]

I just realized I followed this pattern during the 2020 pandemic. While everyone I knew stayed in their homes and had everything delivered and shunned social life altogether, I decided to travel across the country taking 20 flights in 9 months, enjoying outdoor swimming pools, hiking forests and mountains, paddlesurfing, visiting places I had never known. It was liberating, "roboratif" Energizing, and I've never felt better and more in the "present!" Skipped the hand sanitizers too! I just ate that hamburger 🍔 with the same hands which had touched just about every filthy surface at the airport! I was free. I simply didn't give a damn. And yet I did. I did it for me!

[@IndiBex86]

That's fantastic!! Living it to the fullest. ❤️

[@Sentinella911]

@@IndiBex86 Thank you

[@dublewr2194]

Let go of control because you are powerful, independent & whole by yourself.. Accept what you are fearing..

[@masonbiker01]

Parallel concept: If life is full of ups and downs. Then trying to be happy, confident, etc. all the time would be like trying to experience all ups, and no downs. The downs are what define the ups. So embrace the downs in life knowing they are part of the process? Thanks for the thought provoking video!

[@jamest7727]

"How would we know we were happy, if we were happy all the time?" - Natalie Lue

[@theh9251]

Ying and the yang the core composition of life

[@snoozyq9576]

I'm definitely seeing the rewards of letting go. I celebrate what I have and try not to need more. And yet life is giving me more and more regardless :)

[@bm5_5_5]

I relate so much to this 🎉

[@andrewz2854]

The Huxley quote is just fantastic. Writing really works like this. I mean if you try too hard, you get purple prose, but if you relax and work at the same time, you get closer to the optimal balance.

[@VtotheKelley]

This message feels so in alignment with many 12 step programs. People often join thinking it’ll teach them to force someone’s/their own recovery. It won’t. It will just gently usher in a mindset of acceptance, clarity, and letting go of what can’t be controlled, which is often enough to bring about recovery.

[@arghadeepsaha8598]

This is exactly what 2022 taught me - Let go to get it. I tried to control things, got anxious when it was not working. But when I let it go, like really let it go not expecting to get it, I get it, automatically.

[@mexicanpepe4life]

Dude your theory is right on point and I am the living example of it. In my early 20's I was naive, inmature and had zero experience in pretty much everything. But still I was living my best life. Back then I didn't use to put too much effort into things, i didn't think too much of how to accomplish something. I did have some sorth of goals kinda knew what i wanted to accomplish but didn't really use to think long term. What I used to do naturally back then is just let go and flow with life and things and it really did work like a charm. Everything started aligning and happening for me, living in a beautiful place, doing well financially, good relationships, friendships and so on. Not everything was perfect but must of it was. I'm in my mid 30's now, and its sucks that now that I am more mature, I try harder, I worry about my future and try doing the "right" thing and make the "right" choices, now that I'm doing all that, things are not happening for me, I haven't achived my goals and have been going thru a rough patch. I mean Im ok, but damn looking back I wish I could have that innocence and carelessness back. It seems as if the moment I became too conscious and started trying too hard to make things happen in my life and started planning things too much is the moment things stopped working out for me the way they used too.

[@BraveAbandon]

When youre happy and loving life, things naturally work out. When you're afraid, you find more things to fear, and that fear messes up your aim, because the minds focus is on negative, so you are getting increasingly negative results. Happiness is primarily an energy of love, gratitude, acceptance, kindness, and a joy of giving/sharing positivity.

[@besapeposhi3864]

Exactly, it's about fears and judgment i think.

[@SammieG1209]

Omg!!! This is the story of my life!!! I was so naive and confident back then and everything came to me with no or minimal effort…. Now I try so hard and don’t enjoy anything and I just wish I could go back in time to get my power back 😭😭😭

[@zyon1236]

Yo también

[@CB00]

@@SammieG1209you still have it 😇

[@maxxbenavente]

This is so fucking true. In my experience, when I want a specific day to be the best day possible I end up screwing it up because I feel that what I have right now is not enough, even though it's actually pretty good.

[@bonnieray9576]

I absolutely for the first time in my life really began to understand the source of my anxiety after reading the subtle art. Love you Mark Manson and the truth that you are sharing with the world.

[@greyorange3046]

I read this blog a few years back I think. Man it changed my life lol. The more you micromanage your life (goals and other stuff) the more you are gonna have anxiety. So I just let go and now I am in the best shape, the best career compared to my sht life a few years back. Thanks Mark!

[@benfrese3573]

I am not convinced. What about discipline and willpower? Isn't that important too? "Letting go" sounds so passive.

[@mariyasoshinskaya2644]

Really needed this reminder today! Have been trying to get my 4 month old to self settle so I can get more sleep so I can function at work and I'm definitely suffering attaching myself to that desire. Time to let go and accept that this is temporary and she'll learn to sleep eventually... And ask hubs to take the night shift so I can sleep in the guest room 😂 thank you for this!

[@lanewright194]

Kinda like Matthew 16:25 "For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it."

[@brycenelson2226]

I love the mention of freedom, because chasing freedom in itself is constraining. A good example of this is Attack in Titan with Eren always chasing freedom but he was still trapped by his own destiny

[@looper2586]

The idea was expressed by Alan Watts in "the wisdom of insecurity", but you are truly fleshing it out and doing it justice. Many thanks Mark!

[@adnanhimaloy3665]

Actually it's not about letting go, It's about stopping that negative feelings. If you haven't let it go, But still you don't have any negative feelings and you are confident and feeling like having it continuosly, You finally end up getting it.

[@Abby-ix3gs]

Thank you, Mark! I definitely needed to hear this! You have helped me greatly! ❤

[@HotelMari0Maker]

I’ve always been socially anxious, and I remember a big turnaround moment for me was when I stopped caring about coming off or saying something dumb. Also this concept reminds me of something I read in Man’s Search for Meaning, where the author mentions how one way people with speech impediments can mitigate their condition is when they are about to interact with someone think to themselves something like: “I’m gonna be the most awkward, speech impeded person this guy will ever speak to…” and then almost like magic, their speech impediment vanishes.

[@TheHorseshoePartyUK]

I'm convinced at this point that Irony is a fundmental force of the Universe itself. it just requires intelligent life to cause it by backfiring, or else at least observe it. Like one acquaintance's attempt to set free a mouse that was caught in a humane trap... on a golf course... Only for a bird of prey to immediately swoop down and catch it.

[@Jukeboksi]

Wow, for me it worked completely the other way around: I embarrassed myself every single time

[@SuperKidx10x]

It reminded me of george Constanza saying he is the dumber person in the world

[@1.am.z164]

@@TheHorseshoePartyUK indeed, I like to say life is a paradox, one example is how we are gods of the universe as we know it but are also nothing in said universe.

[@georgeeliot2012]

@@Jukeboksi In your mind. And what you projected

[@ishhhmishhh]

I hardly ever comment but this resonates so much with me. Last year, I was dealing with the absolute worst mental burnout & the job wasn't serving me well. I had very little community or quality friendships and I was just welling up every night. It was only my therapist told me to "let go" of the security that I was so clinging onto & focus on the exploration and curiosity that actually, in a long time, made me do it. I was so lost, so scared but looking back, it's one of the best decisions I made ever. And had it not for my therapist, I don't think I would've done it!

[@VictoriaAleTro]

Thanks for sharing! Do you mind giving a bit of details of what exactly you did to let it go? Appreciate!

[@AnkitKumar-kk3iw]

Hii Kishmiss

[@farisamir1674]

I think that this is the most powerful, and useful law in life, anyone could ever heard of. Thanks Mark, your videos are really inspiring, and encourage you to think out of the box!

[@silentm999]

Since I stopped trying to tread water to make things happen, life keeps sending awesome things my way. Not that I dont make things happen. I just dont have a stranglehold on my life. Its like riding the current, and paddling right or left to grab what you can when you can. Wu Wei, pronoia. Your life wants to do awesome things for you, but you have to slow down and pay attention and stop being so thirsty. Thank you for confirming and validating my laziness. This isnt true. I spend short times doing many productive things everyday, which is in line with everything said here.

[@MartinSasseville]

This is exactly what I needed right now. I’m pushing and pushing at school, trying to understand electricity skills and the whole week I was not progressing, felt like giving up; I just need to CHILL a bit more… I tend to panic super fast when I don’t understand something. I stopped alcohol last june and I decided to go back to the gym and also quit caffeine… my anxiety is way too high

[@Moosemean]

Can relate dude. 4th year engineering, panic with one week to go until final assignment, just couldn't do it hit the wall hard. Woke up next morning and just took the day off, just did whatever and relaxed. Got back on the paper the next day and just blitzed it. Handed it in early too

[@shomik99]

Same, if I can't solve a question, I panic or start feeling stressed.

[@Barrrt]

I took a course about achieving things for neurodiverse people and the essence of it was: "don't try so fucking hard, just chillax into it" and also "sit up straight yet relaxed" and "make mindmaps with colors" :P Going into try-hard mode kinda kills a part of your brain because you get tunnelvision etc. Learning to allow your own talent to flow through you is a great key to actual achievement IMO. Good luck all

[@lexconor8498]

Quitting caffeine was one of the best things i did for myself. It was preventing a lot of growth

[@alyssiagonzalez]

Keep up the good work

[@hyminlottering7680]

Thanks for opening my eyes to the fact that I have been trying tooo hard to take that breath without realizing that if I accept the depth, I will become stronger.

[@josiecamilo7098]

Nice 👍

[@ilovebts6032]

👍👍👍👍👍

[@mOkaCoortezz97]

thank you Mark. I've come to realize that as a human being in this society it's practically impossible to not have expectations for my life or for myself so I better accept the fact that I'll always have goals and something to pursue (hobbies, etc) and that failing is not only okay but absolutely necessary to fail BETTER.

[@NikkiGregory]

Every time I try hard to get to a class at the gym I end up sleeping in but when I don’t think about it I just get up & go.

[@Kihambo]

That... actually makes a lot of sense. Back in 2020, I was really on top of my dieting and creative habits. I worked out every single day and posted something on TikTok every day, and it didn't even feel like that much. The result of those things was a good looking body and over 30 thousand followers in a matter of months. Maybe I just need to DO the thing I want instead of worrying about the "what- if" part of it...

[@sqwark4523]

That’s why 12 hour shifts are quite clever. You almost hit that line of diminished returns but as you’re approaching home time, you get more excited and your work becomes more novel and therefor you work as if you’ve just started.

[@luizdevil6855]

It took me from 2007 to 2016 to learn why that doesn't work. Then you crash your car when coming home after 14h of work tired, you're so tired you can't even drive, how good it that ? anything done after 6h of work is basically useless. Lesson learned, work for 6h and go work on another thing for 6h. Never work 12h in the same thing. If you stop, and come the next day with a clean mind, you will do in 1h what you would have done in the last 6h. And above all that, fuck deadlines. They are instituted by people, they can FUCKING CHANGE, make your boss do their work, their work is not to tail whip you into finishing inside the deadline, but to go to the stake holder and get more time, that's the job of a boss. If your boss don't do that, "get a new one".

[@luizdevil6855]

Letting go of deadlines was the best thing I did in my life. There's only 1 deadline in my life, and I'm glad that I'll never know it for sure. That removed a giant rock from my shoulders, I literally had PTSD from deadlines, and now I can manage projects, and a team of 5 people, and negotiate deadlines with them and the stakeholders. And my business and life is flying. All because I realized : deadlines don't matter, and working more than 6h per day in the same thing is couter-productive.

[@roadwarrior7401]

i dont after 8 hours work , laws of no returns is well set in dude

[@siddhartharya38]

Can't thank you enough for existing Mark. You have held my hand always at the perfect time❤Love n Blessings to you n your family

[@fear_less_2020]

Your book is a gemstone that changed my life Mark and this video comes to me at just the right moment! God bless you, brother.

[@virtuousbeginners]

I had this Aldous Huxley quote about art of doing and not doing at my desk for one year. Helped a lot not to burn myself in all that rat race. "Diminishing returns, babe" - that's what I said to my friend with dozens of friends asking why I feel so happy having just 4. Recending this video to everyone who pushes too much in life. Great topic, great execution, as always.

[@adw1334]

I love this so basically don't give AF 😂😂 seems like things flow easier when I just let 💩 go and don't try so hard this resonates with me for sure

[@ziad9533]

Wow! I didn't expect this video to be this good. Truly, you went to a very deep level of analyzing why we should fail to succeed and why forcing success or perfection will only make it worse. Simply put, we should embrace failure and have a balance in everything in our lives.

[@artifactsantlersoh]

Very, very well put together video. Literally gave me chills at the end. Thank you for this, it helped me grasp this concept and I know will surely help me going forward.

[@deshawnburton7114]

You know at first i thought this was just sensationalism but then it actually happened with me. I just stopped caring too much about a certain situation, put in the necessary effort and nothing more, and the situation worked out for, it was weird because i didn't put in that much effort but it still worked

[@jojoh1094]

The last 9 years i watched over thousands of videos of this kind of topic (success, motivation, strength, failure, mental health etc) and the last 1,5 years I constantly failed to finish my finals again and again. FINALLY I found the maybe best answer-video for my inner problem: i though i dont have it, so i have to run after it. BUT if you OWN it in your mind and in your whole being, its just an question of time when it will come to you and will be part of your life. I thank you so much for sharing, dear Mark, you finished my puzzle without knowing!!

[@oggy_8688]

8

[@DeepFriedOreoOffline]

Your videos are so eye opening! People could spend their whole life trying to figure things out, work so hard that they have no motivation to do anything else, and then in the end get nowhere because they failed to realize the power of multiple perspectives. Which is crazy, because in the previous video I saw, it was about being correctly contrarian... I feel like one of the most complex parts of life is identifying and accepting the context of life lessons, like "good things come to those who wait." Patience is an extremely valuable skill to have, but at the same time, waiting until you are ready and waiting to even start trying are 2 entirely different things! And sure, I know that's not a great example, but it's all I can come up with right now off the top of my head because I am extremely tired and absolutely mind blown. Thank you for putting this information out here in an easily digestible way for stubborn people like me!

[@oleksandrlevenets3011]

Thank you. This was very powerful! Exactly what what I needed at this moment. 😊

[@chrissa1896]

This is maybe the most profound and helpful video I've watched in the last couple of years. Thank you so much. I've been chasing happiness, confidence, freedom, joy, peace, and everything in between. While I am familiar with letting go, I never really could make sense of it because I adopted it to external things as well. Hey man, no idea if you're even reading this. But if you do, just know that this is the type of stuff most people need nowadays.

[@OGTennyson]

Could you please elaborate on your journey a bit more. How did you apply this advice to your own life??

[@ScubesFTW]

"You've probably never heard of it because i come up with that shit." This won me over. I really liked this vid. Sometimes you've got to work hard and be lazy hard 😂

[@Tarana121]

Thank you. Your words work like magic! I thought that when I am kind to people, people have to be kind to be in return. But I no longer do that like the dog trying to catch her own tail. You are a great person! Keep on becoming better! Making the world a better place! And affecting people in the best possible way you can!

[@Kiw4765]

Nailed it! The art of letting go is so very powerful

[@guicosta5829]

Mark Manson, I will take these words with me for the rest of my life. Thank you for your dedication to help others making their lives meaningfull.

[@MysterChaser]

Little did I know back in the 70’s that I had enrolled in a college that had a swimming requirement (stay in deep water for 15 minutes without touching the side). Ya don’t think of asking such an obscure question. I’d almost drowned 3 times already in my non-swimming life (me and my sibs just never learned) and although I had a fear of the water, I had at least learned the doggie paddle and how to float from friends. So in I went. There were several swimmers that thought this was a piece of cake, but they swam the whole time, got fatigued and didn’t go the whole 15 minutes or even had to be rescued. I floated. Every once in awhile the testers would come around and ask me to swim, so I turned over and did my doggie paddle. I passed the first time. Your opening scene reminded me of this learning experience. There were even students that went to school more semesters than the usual 4 years because they dreaded the swim requirement. Thanks for the lessons!

[@lesterjanzdelacruz2359]

This video came to my homepage on a perfect time. I was feeling really lost and tired of chasing things. Watching this gave me another perspective. Thanks man.

[@charlieaydin1377]

Mark you’re a legend mate. Thanks for your beautiful books and knowledge and experience you share with us!!

[@tsb7911]

I would have drowned in the ocean a long time ago if I didn't know this principle. As a teen and through my 20s I was a very risky ocean swimmer. But whenever I was swept out to sea I did absolutely nothing. I let the ocean do whatever it wanted. Eventually waves brought me back to shore. If I had struggled against the ocean I would have lost badly.

[@12floit33]

Until you hit a stream that carries you 50km away from shore

[@tsb7911]

@@12floit33 I did. I just waited patiently.

[@TheHorseshoePartyUK]

@@12floit33 You're literally meant to try relax and conserve your energy if you get swept away by a Rip Tide, because you try fight the impossible you end up exhausted and drown before help can reach you, but ok m8

[@user-qe7bt9dz1l]

Damn I’m terrified of deep water.. Don’t know what’s down there. Just reading your comment gives me the shivers..

[@TheHorseshoePartyUK]

@@user-qe7bt9dz1l Yeah I'm not keen on swimming in the sea myself really. But then I'm British and swimming in our seas requires a heatwave! Even rare times I've been in warmer countries I didn't stray much from the shore.

[@Daniel_Ilyich]

This was so brilliantly put together. I'm going to re-read your book. I'm going through a very difficult time and it's like my bible.

[@ttevantt]

chin up.

[@jreamscape]

The bible has the same exact lessons but in a historical context

[@yisabella5550]

Hi Daniel.. Nice to meet you. Wow, this is such a coinsidence. Because I do the excat way. And you probably don't believe me, but you are the first person I know that saying Mark Manson's book as a bible bcs I reread that book for years and yes, it is like a bible to me.

[@Daniel_Ilyich]

@@yisabella5550 Hi Isabella, it is a pleasure to meet you. Yes, Mark's book really opened my eyes during a period of hopelessness. I believe he mentions in his book another Book "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen Covey. I've started reading it and it's also a great book. The man writes intelligently but from the heart and he doesn't offer "quick fixes." Instead, he gives you guiding principles that you can implement in your life that will help you gain strength and resilience. I highly recommend it. Sending you love and many blessings! All the best!

[@yisabella5550]

@@Daniel_Ilyich Thankyou for your recommendation.. Stay healthy phisically and menthally

[@pushkarjadhav9585]

This is one of the best self help videos to ever exist on KZbin... And I am not exaggerating cuz this video helped me alot really... Thank you Mark ❤

[@ruddhanandamahapatra1704]

Thanks a lot Mark Manson , you always explain the complex things in the simplest way which I often get confused to decide whether it's good or not in relationship, happiness and all emotion stuffs. Love you bro✌️✌️♥️

[@Constait]

Have to say thanks Mark for being able to put The Backwards Law concept in such a understandable concept. I'm really going to take this to my heart, it made me realise that I should just do it without being so hard on myself.

[@kavishjash3883]

Sometimes we are just too hard on ourselves. Letting go of the control & inner critic is the key to regain control.

[@TheHorseshoePartyUK]

@@kavishjash3883 Dr Tracey Marks has a couple great vids about the Inner Critic you may appreciate?

[@Dhanraj12345]

I read your all books, and after 2 years I changed my life totally my relationships, financia, social life everything thing becomes better.... Lots of love from India 😍😍🤗 your books are best books of this era agian love you..

[@angelapaz]

I was having trouble with an acting exercise. I can see how this totally applies. Thank you for that perspective shift!

[@user-uy7nk3sy6e]

Man, one of the most useful videos on KZbin. Thank you, Mark

[@keonikindler4750]

Like Tyler Durden stated: 'Just let go!' - not from giving up but because you are powerful and you need to accept you and who you are but can also accept the fact that you want to level up in this game called Life

[@charlenewong9116]

Thank you for this Mark. I'll be turning 24 on the next few days and I am recreating myself. This is one of the best way to do this. To let go of everything in the past and start anew.

[@snowy0110]

Mark, you have an extreme level of persuasion Clear, logical and concise, I love it! Thank you!

[@AP-of5kj]

this was lifechanging. people say that you have to stop trying to achieve something, but they never say why (probably because they don't know the reason themselves, they just know from experience). i'm the type that needs an explanation why, or else it's very hard for me to believe. because you explained it so well, i can now see that this is really true. and i'm prepared to use this from now on. thank you so much❤

[@MightyGorb]

A self help video that provides good advice. Never thought I’d see the day.

[@shockerzlee]

I first came across this Backward Law from Alan Watts speeches and it has served me well to understand myself. Great to see it being explained here.

[@euryquir3121]

Where’d u hear the speech?

[@TheHorseshoePartyUK]

@@euryquir3121 There's clips of his talks to be found on KZbin and elsewhere across the internet. Slowly spreading, it's wonderful to see :)

[@tazerface9874]

This was very insightful and i often find it to be true now that i think about it. Theres been a few times in my life when ive just accepted the situation and almost immediately there was a better one around the corner. Thanks

[@heyitsmedee]

Thank you for your perspective Mark. The more we control, the more things are getting out of our hands. Let go

[@igotoohard]

How timely… I absolutely needed this right here, right now. Thanks Mark!

[@somnambul1983]

I am a pessimist to the bone, but this one speaks to me as loud as funk, a piece of true wisdom here

[@smilyn_jm57]

I never thought that I'm doing this for a year already... then most of the things that i dreamed for the past years became true plus it lessens my anxiety that i've been dealing for 15 years. it's so good for my mental health . I hope this will also be good for you. 💜

[@samanthababaya4639]

This is brilliant! Ever since my first year of taking Economics at universiity I have been thinking about my life in graphs and applying some of these principles. Mark Manson, I feel like you just drew my thoughts onto paper and thats pretty damn cool!

[@kitnoCC]

Deep AF. Thanks for explaining when this actually applies. Awesome, Mark!