How to get your child to listen to you

[@mildrisplested4804]

So amazing my son said omg mummy what language 're u speaking now and I said give me ur iPad. For first time he hand to my without crying thank u sir.

[@ChristineFernieCA]

Great tip. I love the pattern interrupt and then the calm redirect afterwards.

[@자랑스러워]

Thank you Craig I’m on my daughters account and She is korean and half American and thank you! Have a blessed day🙏🏾

[@CraigDesorcy]

You're welcome.

[@Reagan-is-Perfect]

Thank you for the tip, I will give it a try. My son just turned four and is currently in language therapy and doing quite well now. For a long time because of the language disconnect I didn't know if he understood me when I spoke to him. I recently came to understand that he does. My husband and I still struggle with him in regards to tantrums and flat out misbehavior. He seems to only really act out in public, at school his teacher says he is well behaved. My son is also very strong willed and persistent so getting him to listen and follow through on directions/ commands have been quite a challenge. All tips on this are welcomed. Thank you

[@CraigDesorcy]

tantrums and flat out misbehavior tend to be a vehicle to fill needs. Try not to react and become curious instead. Reacting can just lock you two into a crazy pattern... He acts out, you react, everyone gets and stays stuck. 4-year-olds are a tough crowd. My phrase for this group is, drain and train with the emphasis on the drain part. Take them out to the park or in the yard or somewhere so they can be drained physically. Why is because within them, there is a huge energy ball dying to be balanced out. Exercise never fails. We are logical and rational. Don't expect your 4-year-old to be that way yet because that part of his brain (Pre-frontal cortex) does not really get developed until around 9 and does not fully develop until the age of 25-30! Instead, I suggest getting good at highjacking his focus and redirecting it. Just like Magicians do. You highjack his focus way before he gets locked in into a tantrum.

[@sasuke22dante]

Thanks so much for this video, now I know how to get my nephew to listen and learn languages at the same time :)

[@kimberlyclark829]

Win

[@autopediacom]

craige u r one of the best guide I have seen here. Thank U very much.

[@CraigDesorcy]

thank you so much :-)

[@ramonvasquez1050]

I have spent months studying how to teach toddler to speak in sentences and discovered a great resource at talk fixer formula (google it if you are interested)

[@Raising-greatness]

Thanks Craig. I loved it. Nice pattern interrupt. ;)

[@sarwankhattak1716]

Really I dont have suitable words to thank you sir........... I am really really impressed.

[@ZionMathisAKASonicFan1999]

Even I don't want kids but I have I'm having problems with my little cousin. And my grandma adopted her. Now she might become one of the kids at my school even I graduated from east side

[@CraigDesorcy]

what's the problem?

[@geethanjalivanaparthy8966]

Hi Craig. I am a kindergarten teacher. I have been struggling to gain children's trust, respect & most importantly their attention. I don't know what to do apart from yelling at them. It is draining out my energy. I end up crying literally everyday. I tried giving some classroom rules. But it didn't work out. I want them to listen to me and follow my instructions. How to manage talkative, naughty, distractor, stubborn kids. Please help me.

[@CraigDesorcy]

I so feel your pain! It seems like a "rights of passage" we all need to go through. Hang in there. It's not easy and you will get better and better at it, as you move forward. This is my favorite age group :-) (and most challenging) This age group has no concept of rules, structure, time, etc. So please don't make them wrong for this. Here's a fast tip. Whatever you do, add the word "time" at the end of it. It's bingo time, clean up time, etc. This will over time teach them structure. But you go first. This means, if you say it's clean up time, you just start cleaning up with lots of enthusiasm and do not look at them with the expectation they should be helping. They should follow over time. Let's get one goal for you locked in then move from there. The first goal is to keep them moving. This will help you lead better. For example, if you have x amount of activities in your lesson plan, do each activity in a different part of the room. Make sure you stop the activity right before they get sick of it then move them to another part of the room. The goal is to keep them moving. You have to stay one step ahead of them at all times. Let them lead the activity too. For example, you may notice one child is causing trouble in the class, take that child and let them drill image cards. For example, say you're drilling weather cards. you ask, what's this? They guess and then you move on to the next card. Let a child be the teacher as you coach them from the sidelines. This will help on so many levels. Firstly, it gets you out of the hot seat. It also shows you are working together as a group. Very powerful. "How to manage talkative, naughty, distractor, stubborn kids" First, you stop judging them. We can't serve someone we are judging. I need to hear this too because I still do it from time to time. These types of children are trying to tell you something. they're trying to tell you about a need they have that is not being filled. What needs are they and how can you fill them so they stop acting out? Do they need a hug? Do they need to lead the class with an activity? Do they need a job? Let me know how it goes and know this, it's not going to go well right out of the gate. You will have to do it to see how it can work then smooth out the edges as you move forward... Just like doing anything new. What I shared is a framework. You got this.

[@geethanjalivanaparthy8966]

Hi Craig. Thank you so much for the reply & your valuable suggestions. You said keep moving the children from one activity to the other. But that is not possible bcoz children are supposed to sit the entire day in the same class. In india more importance is given to reading & writing than activities especially the FUN element in learning. That's the plight of Indian education system. I hope now you understand the main problem.

[@CraigDesorcy]

I understand. You'll need to just do the best you can. I taught and teach in one room. I move the kids around the room to keep the energy moving. Forget about the rules of your country and play with what I am sharing with you. Every 15 minutes, tell everyone to stand and walk around the room. Play some music. When the music stops, sit. Does not matter where you sit and it will be your new spot for the next 15 to 20 minutes. The issue with this age group is, sitting in one spot for too long drives them crazy and causes them to not be receptive to you, your lessons or the education system as a whole. I understand your constraints and you can still make it work. You can make reading and writing fun with just the sound of your voice. But this will take you first focusing on what's good about the school, kids, etc. Focusing on what's good puts you in a resourceful state. All the best, -Craig

[@sadsym]

this vid is very helpful,thank you.

[@sharonharvey1547]

thankyou for the video. looking forward to trying it. We have tried everything, including counselling for all of us, but still we have issue with back talk, not listening, tantrums etc. Miss 10.5yrs is an only child, closest extended family is 2000kms away, it's been a tough decade. I'm going to check out your other vids. thanks again.

[@CraigDesorcy]

you're welcome. I've worked with children for 20+ years. Maybe we can have a chat and naturally draw the child into the conversation then I can get to the root of the issues. Something is driving the unwanted behavior. Get to it, work with it and the need to act in an unwanted way tends to dissolve. You can message me at www.painlessparenting.com/contact/

[@drjksingh011]

Thank u very much Mr. Desorcy for nice tips. How to put our new blood on to a right track?. If they are not listening to us and addicted to video games and chatting.

[@CraigDesorcy]

Depending on the situation, I'd have the following conversation. Hey kids, come have a snack and a cold drink with your mother or father. Once they settle in with their treats and are enjoying them tell them the following. I wanted to tell you I'm sorry. ??? Will be the response. When I gave you the games, I forgot to tell you about the time. As a result, the games are being played way too much and it's not your fault. You guys get an hour a day with the games. You can have it before or after dinner. (This gives them the power to choose and sends a message that you are working together not being a dictator.) The other time is spent doing sports, homework or whatever else they have to do other than playing games. Again, I am sorry we never talked about it. Here, have another cookie. (The have another cookie part is what will make this work like magic because it redirects the focus and lets them know, we are not in negotiations here. ) There will be a protest and based on you being strong, centered and peaceful, everyone will win. The protest is a test. A test of the new boundary and your resolve. If you get mad, angry or emotional, you lose. Stay calm and pass the cookies around the table and lead.

[@Getfitwithryham]

I want how my 38years husband listen to please what I can do?

[@pattycakes9525]

Your so right. Cuz when I speak in a heavy mexican or british accent. They are all ears.

[@CraigDesorcy]

Yup! Then you have a very small window of oportunity to redirect their focus before they go back into dreamland mode. :o)

[@sfsandhya]

My son is in first grade and is having hard time in school. He had difficulty in kindergarten but he was able to adjust in 3 months but now I see he doesn't want to do if he does not like. All strategies that worked before are no longer working. Please advise.

[@CraigDesorcy]

I'd first start with a snack and just chillout talking about silly stuff. Then I'd share how when I was a kid I disliked school because my friend that sat next to me always had stinky feet. Or some other silly story you can remember. Empathize too. I remember first grade. Teacher doing all the talking, not really able to do whatever I want. etc. Not an easy task in the beginning. Then I'd ask "what about you?" Someone next to you has stinky feet or, the food is really bad? This style of conversation will get down to what's really going on. Something is there and it is specific. I'd also downplay the fact that he does not want to go to school. Oh you don't like to go to school? Me too when I was your age. Have another cookie. Normalize it and get down to what's really going on is how I'd approach it. Not even close to finding a strategy yet until we identify the sticky point. if there is really no issue going on that needs to be addressed, one strategy could be, just agree and let him stay home by saying the following... If you really don't want to go to school, you can take a day off. (this means he can have a day off not never go back). Wait until he starts to glow then let him know in a passive way, the only rule is, you need to do all my work. Here is the list. 1. Wash, dry and fold three loads of laundry. 2. Go shopping but you can't drive so you need to walk. Here is the shopping list. 3. Vacuum all rooms. Be playful and loving. Going to school will start to look great as you keep piling on the tasks.

[@rickyperezjr2234]

At this point I'm willing to try anything

[@mintyain9503]

How to make my 12 years old sister to listen to me? Even though i talk nicely, she never listens... she always talk back and slams anything that she is holding

[@CraigDesorcy]

Maybe she does not feel you respect her and as a result, not listening to you is a way she protects herself. What does listen to me mean to you? She needs to do what you say? If so, there will be issues. Say this to yourself, my sister does not have to listen to me. because she doesn't. Talking nicely does not work because the other person knows you want something. I suggest you just chill out with her and share something. snacks, a book, a game, etc. Show her you want nothing from her. After a while, she will love you more and trust you. Then when you have a request, she may respond favorably.

[@kylieechalas9432]

Hi Greg how can I teach my son to listsen to me he is 14 years old I really hardly to decipline him not listening and obey me.i love my son very much he is my only child.. Hope you can help thank you!

[@CraigDesorcy]

he's 14 years old. 1,000 years ago, he'd be hunting, going to war and maybe already making babies. I suggest you talk to him like a man. Respect him. Lead him. Help him find his own way in the world. Children / young adults don't listen or obey someone they don't respect. have you done anything to lose respect? I'd try a reboot conversation with him. Example: Son, I need to let you know something. I am sorry. I've been talking to you as if you're still ten years old but you're 14 now. 500 years ago, you'd be close to being a man. You'd be hunting, taking care of your family with your dad and maybe even going to war. You need my support as you grow into a man. I'm going to support you. I no longer need to have you listen to me. Listen to yourself. You know the right things to do. If you get stuck, I am here for you with suggestions. Because you are becoming a man, there are some things you do need to know. Here is a book. (Find a good book on manhood to give him). Now go to work on being the best man you can be and let him catch you being the best man you can be. This will serve as a model because children don't listen but they for sure watch and copy us.

[@salarkhan7839]

My baby became too much aggressive and he all the time throw tantrums in public areas. This thing drags me crazy I don't know what happened to him

[@CraigDesorcy]

how old? When your child throws a tantrum, pick him/her up and go to a place to where he/she can calm down and process whatever it is that's going on. As you carry your child think about what this child's goal is. Once you identify it, such as he/she wants a toy, let them know it's not toy time. toy time is for birthdays, Christmas, etc but we can play with other toys when we get home. the "we will play when we get home" part is very important. This gives the child something to look forward to and focus on other than what is causing them the pain in the moment. Also, tantrums are normal and natural. Let your child feel like they are not wrong nor bad for feeling. Yes, it drives you crazy and it's inconvenient but it's a part of life.

[@salarkhan7839]

Craig Desorcy such a sweet reply thank u so much.My son is now 25 months old. I will consider ur suggestions. He is very active and smart as he is absorbing four languages at a time but this made him a bit late in talking. Another thing is he love to be with his friends but sometime he play separately when he would be in friend company should I be worried about this thing?

[@CraigDesorcy]

Thanks for your kind words :-) I would not worry about your boy wanting to play alone while among friends. He may just be taking a break to reconnect with himself as a way to recharge.

[@salarkhan7839]

Thank u so much

[@Godislove4517]

My grandmother used this on me when I was little. It became the one word I couldn't pronounce. It was a very silly sounding word. I tried the same word on my nephews and was amazed with the results. They imidiatly stop whatever they are doing and stare at you with this startled expression.

[@CraigDesorcy]

Powerful trick to keep everyone connected and moving forward without all the drama :-) Thanks for sharing Charell.

[@stevecooper3010]

Hi Chris i tried it but failed I will try again using japanese he must of been able to understand Italian Cheers

[@CraigDesorcy]

You can use a squeaky toy too. remember, you are interrupting the child's thought path. You have to redirect it fast or it doesn't work. A loud clap works too. Then quickly lead the child to where you want to go.

[@pedrogames8614]

hi..i need ur help as my child who is nine years old having. the same problem..not listening, sometimes hit me and also have a rude behavior with others.manytimes he cross all the limits..too bad with me plz help me

[@CraigDesorcy]

Read my response to Aisha below and let me know if that helps.

[@muneezazamanofficial352]

Hey my 3 years old daughter don't listen to me I'm very worried about this plzz what should I do

[@CraigDesorcy]

Lead her. Example, if you want her to give you something she is holding, trade it with something else. Want her to follow you outside? Get her attention first then show her something in your hand as you walk outside. She will follow, if she doesn't you are missing the timing. Read books on how to train dogs. Yes, I know she is not a dog but the science is the same.

[@muneezazamanofficial352]

@@CraigDesorcy thank u so much I will must try thss thanks again🙏

[@muneezazamanofficial352]

@@CraigDesorcy how can I contact you I need your more guidance can u give me your contact

[@CraigDesorcy]

@@muneezazamanofficial352 painlessparenting.com :-)

[@muneezazamanofficial352]

@@CraigDesorcy thank u thank u so muchh 🙏🙏❤️

[@brissiaar]

Hopefully you can help me out here my son has started a 1st grade. Kindergarten was great I never got an unreasonable complaint and nothing we couldn't solve. However this year new teacher and we are only one month in and the teacher has called me several times and sends notes home saying my son was not listening to her instructions or was very wiggly and wouldn't stop. She asked me what advice I had for her for him to listen. He listens fairly well at home it is never a huge deal. I don't really know what to tell the teacher anymore and now she keeps sending him to the principals office and that just cuts out of his learning. I feel she is just focusing on the negative and perhaps she isn't patient enough anyway can you give me some advice I don't know what to tell her my son says he is bored or will disregard any questions involving his teacher. Thank you for your time and advice.

[@CraigDesorcy]

Hello :-) Whenever a teacher tells a parent their child does not listen in class, it's a sign the teacher is failing. My gut is telling me your son is perfect in every way for his age. At that age, they need to move a lot. Asking them to sit still and listen drives most little boys nuts. They need to move every ten to fifteen minutes. I would approach this as there is no problem. Sending the child to the principle's office projects there is a problem. I'd never do that. I feel you are right about the teacher focusing on something within your boy she does not like and making an issue of it. I'd meet with the teacher and set up a frame that projects we are meeting here to partner and find a better way. No one is "broken" or "bad". Even though the teacher seems to be incompetent when it comes to dealing with your boy. If the teacher senses you are judging her, making her wrong, etc., she will shut down and nothing good will come from the meeting. If the teacher bonded with your boy deeply, I doubt she would be reaching out for support. And because she is focusing on "what's wrong", it must be in the way of creating a strong bond and maintaining it. So in the meeting, you could ask, what's my son doing well?" A positive moving forward mindset is needed to build on. Right now, the mindset seems to be "Something is wrong and it is the student, not me". I'd also suggest this is just a life stage your son is moving through. He's getting oriented to first grade and it will smooth out soon. Letting the teacher know this may help her shift her focus to a moving forward mindset instead of a stuck one to where your boy is being made wrong for being a normal 1st grader. How it could be said is like this, "I feel you'd agree he is still orienting himself to 1st grade and with our compassion and support, he should transition and orient himself just fine". Hope this helps.

[@josephwilliams3070]

Do what the government does, give them privileges that they cannot resist then take it away if they don't OBEY!

[@TheChurchIsLikenUntoTheMoon]

My kid laughs at me when I do that

[@emmaaaa3295]

Im a 10 year old baby sitter i sit a 8 and 9 year old the 8 year old when i tell her to stop doing something that she does not need to be doing sh ewalks away and screams while doing it what do i do? The 9 year old is just fine

[@CraigDesorcy]

She needs you to catch her attention first. But before that, have something to replace the unwanted behavior with. For example a game, a book, etc. Whatever you do to catch the attention it can't be negative. Stop that! Don't do that! Etc. This leads to resistance. There are tons of ways to catch the attention. I like to make a fart sound with my mouth and then ask if they did it with a big smile on my face then quickly hand them a book or start walking into another room and say at the same time, we're going to play a fun game. They will follow. Whatever the child is doing there is a reason behind it and telling them to stop shows them you are not understanding them so they rebel. Take time to think what are they trying to get? variety? A sense of connection with self? Trying to deal with boredom? If you are babysitting, try not to leave them on their own. engage them, be their friend, play with them, let them know you care. Which I am sure you're already doing but many others will read this comment. You can also ask questions on my parenting page at facebook.com/painlessparentingwithcraigdesorcy/

[@erid6863]

lps lover252 Im 9 and im trying to make my 4 year old cousin listen to me

[@CraigDesorcy]

Can't "make". Give me an example of a situation you are struggling with and I will respond :-)

[@almagargolesdorado6134]

my son is only 9 he don't listen to me...he always do what he wants esp in computer games i can't stop him even I get mad ang scream..at the end I was suppose to cry because Everytime I tell him no and he don't mind me...

[@hopingsomeday]

my son is listening to me and always answers me yes mommy but he is still doing it...."anak, if you play outside, be sure to come home before the sun sets OK? ...yes mommy"..."anak, you must study your lesson when you came home from school before you go outside to play...yes mommy" ...but he only answers me yes mommy and still doing what he likes everyday...its redundant... what m I going to do???..take note, I always talk to him in a nice way, not yelling at him or anything..

[@hopingsomeday]

my son is 8 yes.old already... thank you!

[@CraigDesorcy]

This is super common for his age. I'd test taking you out of the equation with a check sheet. I will explain. One strategy I teach parents that works extremely well is to have a homework checksheet taped to the refrigerator. Ever go into a restroom in a restaurant and see a sheet on the wall? The sheet shows when the restroom was last cleaned and by who. This is where I got the idea. All this is, is a sheet where the child checks a box if they have homework, the date, and a box to check when the homework is done. Now the homework and its completion are between the child and the sheet. This teaches the child personal responsibility, holds the child accountable and gets mom out of the middle of it. If mom wants to help, she can say something like “I don’t see a check here yet. Do you need some help with your homework?” In most cases saying something like this serves as a reminder to the child that they need to do their homework. This system maintains harmony between parent and child and promotes the child taking personal responsibility for their work. ANOTHER RESPONSE Act very confused. "I don't understand. You said yes mommy but nothing got done. What happened?" 99% of the time the child just forgot. Put a colorful band on their arm that means "You come in before sunset". Worth a test.

[@hopingsomeday]

Thank u sir for ur advice...I wil do it and m hoping for gud result.... thanks a lot for giving time to response in my problem... god bless!

[@rickyperezjr2234]

Didn’t really work on my son I will try again

[@CraigDesorcy]

Try a whisper. I've found most things tend to not work the first or second time. Much credit to you for giving it a try. Shows you're open to new things.

[@aishamuzzamil7783]

How can I handle my 13 year boy ,he talk me back very rude

[@CraigDesorcy]

Hello Aisha. This is very common. There is hope. I'm not sure why your boy is being rude with you but I can guess it has to do with him not liking to be told what to do. When our children are young, they need to be micro managed. When our children transition into teenhood, they need to be macro managed, Problem is, we as parents get stuck in micro managing. This sends a message to the teen that we don't trust their judgement and we know better. I suggest you do something enjoyable together to create a comfortable environment then have a conversation like the following. You are my son and I am sorry. (This will get his attention and he will be looking forward to what you say next.) I have been watching you too closely but I don't have to because you are not a baby anymore. I want you to know I am here to support you not micro manage you. Okay? (He should be very happy to hear these words) Now it's time to set a boundary. You know I love you right? And you love me? Great. So I promise never to be rude to you. We are family and we must not ever be rude or disrespectful to each other. (You promise first which teaches him the boundary) Give it a try Aisha.

[@roxymarie1077]

👍

[@dmetalx88]

Not certain about the points made but ,if anyone else is searching for teach your baby to talk dvd try Talk Fixer Formula (do a google search ) ? Ive heard some amazing things about it and my brother in law got excellent results with it.