How To Handle Toxic People And Passive Aggressive Behavior

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Latest Video: • power phrases for toxi...
If you want to know how to handle toxic people and you're wondering how to call people out or how to respond to rude questions, this effective communication skills training video is perfect for you. Communication coach Dan O'Connor gives you the words--the actual scripts for calling people out on their passive aggressive behavior. #toxicpeople #toxicrelationships #standupforyourself
In today's lesson, part 2 of 3, you'll learn how to stand up for yourself with passive aggressive friends or a passive-aggressive narcissist, along with other communication tips and tricks.
00:00 Intro
0:50 The setup
1:45 The three steps
2:08 Where the power lives
2:48 Hear it in action
3:18 Let it linger
3:50 The 3-Second Look
4:25 Inappropriate jokes
5:22 Maybe it's your boss
6:06 Are we clear?
6:29 I'm sure you're not trying to . . .
6:50 However, I'm not going to . . .
7:08 If you're going to . . .
7:28 A couple of keys
9:15 I suggest
10:22 if there's a question in your mind
10:35 What gets rewarded
10:50 Let it soak in
11:22 We're all suffering from different forms of the same affliction
12:00 A holiday gift for you to give
12:20 You don't know
12:52 A message of love
13:07 The most awesome website in the world
13:40 Holiday gifts
CHANNEL (Please Subscribe): goo.gl/VJdWKi
PLAYLISTS:
This Series: tinyurl.com/commskillsplaylist
Energy Vampires: tinyurl.com/energyvampireslaying
Miraculous Principles: tinyurl.com/MiraculousPrinciples
Q & A: tinyurl.com/dansqanda
Power Phrases: tinyurl.com/dansphrases
Videos:
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danoconnortraining.com/shop/ For Dan's entire Step Out of the Shadows and Speak! Communication Skills Training Program.
These professional development classes online and personal development courses can be great self-help books in audio and video format like audible, but these lessons are free.
If you'd like to check out Dan's entire communication skills video and audio program, you'll find it here: danoconnortraining.com/shop/.... you will find courses on:
-Getting unstuck and moving ahead in your career
-How to gain the respect and acknowledgment you know you deserve
-Communication skills for the telephone
-How to deal with difficult people at work--notably bullies, gossips, and people who make inappropriate comments
-How to be seen as the competent professional you know yourself to be
-How to approach your job with confidence and earn the respect of coworkers
-Job interview skills
-How to deliver bad news to a customer
-Communication Skills for Leaders
And many many more
www.danoconnortraining.com/
Body language secrets, reading body language, body language tells, signs, and more like on TedTalks-- you'll learn it all, and these lessons are great for autistic people of all ages.

-Buy The Dealing with Difficult People Book on Amazon.com:
amzn.to/2vgARZN
-Check Out Dan's Other Critically-Acclaimed Book, Say This--Not That!!: amzn.to/2uTOQn9
Both of Dan's books sold on Amazon boast a 4.-out-of-5-star rating; something you don't see often, especially with books about how to improve your communication skills.
Of course, Dan's most popular communication skills training program in English is Step Out of the Shadows and Speak!! Tactical Communication Learning System. You can find that here:
danoconnortraining.com/shop/
Being a big believer in listening to what the world is telling you to do rather than telling the world what you’d like to do, once he received enough suggestions to get into teaching, Dan started teaching on the elementary level at Harland Johnson Del Bosque before becoming a professor at Autonoma University Guadalajara, and ultimately taking his unique teaching style to the world with Dan O’Connor Training.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

HEY MY FRIENDS: If these videos are having a positive impact on you, please show your support by becoming a CHANNEL MEMBER and/or clicking the THANKS BUTTON above and leaving a little love. A little love will allow me to continue delivering these videos directly to you!

[@michaelconnor9578]

Are you currently teaching? I'm a fairly new HR guy with even less training. Your videos are insightful & I'm considering becoming a student.

[@Namrec_Molai]

I found my man, and you found a new subscriber

[@JerseyLynne]

pass that dark meat, geeze you make me laugh!

[@pc_phage8500]

How about if that white irish catholic [me] tells Polish jokes? Is it racist? No. But it's racist if it's Mexicans or any other non-white. That means non-whites have a higher status than whites because we can only talk about them in a narrow way: we can't make them the but of our jokes joke or criticize them. But they can do those things to us and we can't say anything because according to some Leftist Seers only whites can be racist. * Non-whites have more white privilege!! All this racist stuff is a scam meant for political control. I am so sick and tired of Woke Leftists like this Blacksmith of words.

[@minksm3032]

I was asked a rude question to which I replied " what exactly is your motivation for asking me that"? It was awesome....they stuttered!!!😂😂

[@TheWizardOfWords]

WONDERFUL.

[@LaurenOliviArt]

Yes!!! ❤

[@janberger4057]

When I was about 25 years old and attended Thanksgiving with a large number of extended relatives, one aunt exclaimed "Ya mean you're NOT MARRIED YET?" My cousins were all horrified, but I just laughed hysterically. That particular aunt married really young and married poorly. I had A LOT more ambition than that.

[@wvjaybird5]

I hate it when people comment on others’ weight... gain or loss. Why do people feel the need to comment on that every time?

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Good question, Jaye-Andrea. Remember when you were little and your father told you "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all"??? We seem to have forgotten that. It is not necessary to give voice to every thought that enters the brain--and then follow up with "I'm only being honest." The world doesn't need such "honest" thoughts that are really passive-aggressive thoughts MASKED in "honesty."

[@wannabecarguy]

But what if someone is dying slowly and you genuinely care for them and see them causing harm to themselves? Can you actually be brutally honest?

[@thecoloroflightning]

I notice this too, especially with family. Its the first thing they say when you see them. It’s annoying isn’t it? Makes me so uncomfortable.

[@wvjaybird5]

@@wannabecarguy Not the first thing you see them in front of other people. Wouldn’t that be more effective in a side conversation that had been well-planned and told in a loving, private manner? And are we talking about someone who is grossly obese or has out in a few pounds?

[@wvjaybird5]

@@TheWizardOfWords I love your teaching on this. You are spot-on!

[@cathybutcher4826]

This should be taught to young children. It sure would save a whole lot of people from suffering abuse from toxic people.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You are preaching to the choir, Cathy; I totally agree that mindful communication should be part of the course curriculum from grade school through college, as it is in some European countries==with great results.

[@M.K.B.1133]

Irish Catholics ???.... being passive aggressive ....insulting? Shaming??? at the holidays???? Say it ain’t so! Dan, Are we related? My family absolutely kills me. Thank you for this

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Well if you are Irish, we probably are related somewhere along the line. In re the rest of it--I'm afraid I can't say it ain't so. . . .

[@irishcountrygirl78]

If you are Irish in Ireland l am here to learn how to NOT tell such people to "STFU!" .....for everything and for their very existence 😂😂😂. I'm hopefully growing and evolving, we do tend to either bottle it up or explode.

[@Molloyjenn]

Same goes for German Catholics. I grew up in that narrow minded crap.

[@tarawalsh-arpaia3928]

Hey, I live in Ireland and am neither Irish nor Catholic. What an adjustment. My ex-husband's family, unsurprisingly, all suffered from migraines. My mother, a doctor, always told us that passive aggressiveness causes migraines. And they all smile so tensely the whole time while repeatedly telling anyone else (me) how close they all are. Thank God that's over.

[@minksm3032]

😂😂😂😂

[@iamnotthisform]

I love your humor, it makes these videos that much more fulfilling 💛

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Jaz, my mantra is "no more boring training--ever" and I hope I'm fulfilling that. Learning doesn't have to bore you out of your mind.

[@SydMountaineer]

Yes! A great teacher is someone who makes learning enjoyable. That is more important than "information". Anyone can give others information, but people like Dan care enough to truly help others be better people, because he understands how it helps all of us, to make the world a better place.

[@DozierParrishConsulting]

"My partner is dead." Was not expecting Dan to say that. Was not expecting to laugh out loud for 20 seconds.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

:) :) :) Thank you for paying attention, Denita! :)

[@nicholecornes1915]

​@@TheWizardOfWordslol 😂 shits crazy

[@SacredMelissae]

My step-mother LOVES to be the martyr. So she often tells stories about how bossy (etc) I was as a child and how she was "soooooo embarrassed." etc. My awesome comeback this last time (at a wedding in front of new people) was> "No, actually, I was a traumatized child making sure that my sister was safe. It's unfortunate that you took it as "bossy" because I was parentified at such a young age!" Then I changed the subject by giving people some context. She made up for it later by a terrible text and more, deeper insults but it was worth it in the moment to save face for a change instead of bearing and internalizing her toxic opinion of me. This is a mild example but is on the top of a mountain of passive aggressive black sheeping. I am wondering if she is a covert narc. The only thing I do know is everytime I talk to or hear from her it feels gross.

[@lulumoon6942]

I hope you feel ZERO regret for that. I'm proud of you! And avoid gross people who treat you like their personal 🚽. Peace, friend. ❤️😎

[@tarawalsh-arpaia3928]

Bravo for you! Well done. You did this for you and your sister but, in fact, by telling this you have inspired many, many of us!

[@gabriellahildingsson4176]

She sounds a lot like my passive aggressive stepmother, also playing victim while she can be so emltinally abusive towards me. Also think she might be a covert narc.

[@LeaMessenger]

Yuck I am so sorry that you went through this and I get it. I had a mother-in-law who is very toxic. I just kept smiling and kept taking care of myself and my husband regardless. Eventually I ended up taking care of her. The joy, the caring I gave to her paid off. I even gave myself one year off from her or I never saw or spoke to her. I think she got it. She still had snide remarks yet I know that she was the one inflicted. Nobody is happy being this way. They are miserable. Misery loves company so I don’t participate anymore. After she was gone I breathed a sigh of relief and now when we speak of her we have a lot to giggle about. She did have a funny side that’s for sure she didn’t know it though she was just an oddball.

[@BigBoyBlue]

You were right on. I'm uncomfortable making people uncomfortable. If I tried to say that, then that "I'm sorry, wasn't trying to be rude" panic reflex kicks up. I wish I knew how to stop it.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Jaycen, you have to decide to live with the discomfort the first time. Then it's easier the second time. And you probably won't even need it a third time. :) It is a decision and you'll be happy you made it.

[@sharondoan1447]

Pinch yourself. Seriously, do some action like deep breathing, counting to ten, or drinking the rest of your water. Whatever will interrupt your neurotic need to apologize for being direct and standing up for yourself.

[@terrylaguardia6838]

Older people - most of all women, who are the most vulnerable within that vulnerable group - are often treated with passive aggression and sometimes outright emotional and psychological abuse by those who should be their caretakers within their own families. This is a crucial subject that needs to be urgently addressed, discussed, and exposed.

[@Shellorena]

So true.I have watched Elders withdraw and become shutdown, knowing they do not wish to compromise their own integrity, no matter how much it hurts.

[@donnamccormick807]

You are changing my life. Im incredibly grateful.

[@mssweets6119]

Attending a company holiday dinner solo resulted in me meeting my supervisor’s husband and him exclaiming to her "you didn’t tell me she was a fox!!!" Then the owner of the company asked in front of everyone was I ever married. I have two kids and was never married which is something I grappled with for a long time. The company holiday gathering left me humiliated and my supervisor made it her mission to fire me after her husband’s inappropriate compliment. I never could find the right words in those moments because I’m stunned by people’s inappropriate behavior or statements.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Please keep checking out my videos, Ms Sweets, and when you find the right words, practice them and commit them to memory. You'll be ready next time. A simple "I'm surprised you would say (ask) that" is frequently enough.

[@drewroberts139]

Im sure you are not trying to make a positive uplifting video, but if you continue I am going to have to subscribe if you are going to keep making videos like this.

[@alphanotmale1847]

Did you just threaten to subscribe? 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I believe he did. You have to appreciate his approach. :)

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Hey, are you threatening to subscribe? Well, JUST DON'T THROW ME IN THE BRIAR PATCH!!!

[@alphanotmale1847]

@@TheWizardOfWords yup! Lol

[@littlemissy8356]

Very cute

[@littlemissy8356]

Actually I think people DO know when they say inappropriate things. They have just gotton away with it, so they keep doing it. That is the type of person that I keep an eye on,

[@gansukh2008ify]

Wow😂😂😂 I have not laughed this hard since this pandemic started. Love love and love your sense of humor and a great communication skills.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Happy to help you through this awful Covid thing, gansukh.

[@windwhisprz]

I love the go-to statements you listed at 6:50, my favourite being " I'm not going to pretend that that's normal". I'm going to be using that one for sure.

[@lulumoon6942]

Seriously useful please! 🔥

[@sharondoan1447]

This is stellar! It is good to help people stop using you as a target for their rudeness , jealousy, or narcissism.

[@WiseOwl_1408]

Only narcissists toss that around

[@jjsmama401]

My mom has managed to ruin every holiday, birthday, wedding, birth, etc in my life. She is a covert narcissist. She is usually very subtle but she is persistent. She can’t let anyone be happy. She has to provoke feelings of guilt and make every else feel “less than” even if you praise her 100 times, she will say you never appreciate anything she does or say thank you. I hate the holidays now. I have PTSD at the very mention of holidays.

[@kathylovesmk]

Real question, not being a jerk, why do you continue to have any relationship with her?

[@GI-uw6tw]

It’s a wonder that we socialize at all...

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Yes, and yet look at how much people miss it during this period of pandemic. You'd think our lives depending upon socializing, whereas right now our lives depend on not socializing, and so many people find that almost impossible to do, even for a few months. However, when you consider the alternative--

[@lisaannberryhill8659]

"Up with this, I shall put no more!" LOL--Perfect! I wish you were going to be my Christmas dinner date Dan! What fun we would have! Merry Christmas and thank you for all the wisdom you share. I look forward to each video you produce like a chat with a trusted friend. Blessings upon you, my brother.

[@mishmash7987]

Words are not enough to express how lucky I am to have found you. I work in law enforcement & I have a coworker (former porn star) who has been bullying me for the past 4 years. She is narcissistic and has a big ego. I don’t pretend to lower myself to her level and at the same time I can’t file a complaint the proper way because she has lot of influence 😢 I remember during Christmas time, she once treated very rude the maintenance lady. The maintenance lady has just empty the garbage can and when she returned to put a new linen or bag the narcissist employee had already dumped new trash in the can and told her: “I am making sure you have a job to do” Thank you for sharing all your knowledge…. I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel . 🙏

[@slk2344]

Wow I'm so glad have found you. You're my go to person for communication skills help. Very appreciated!!

[@Lovely4ever1]

I love your humor!! I laughed so much throughout this video even though these statements are scary for me. I never thought I’d have the courage to say something like this but you gave me a new perspective and your confidence is contagious. You make these statements feel genuine, direct and doable. You’ve inspired me. Very grateful! 🙏🏻

[@SydMountaineer]

I love the look on Dan's face when he gets into character - when he turns his eyes in the other direction, as to look at the person who's being abusive- you know something powerful is going to be said. He's great at doing impressions, too! Hilarious!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thanks, Syd. That balances my mother's "If you just ignore him, he'll stop" comments when I was young :) :)

[@impreciousnhissight]

Outstanding! Thank you for telling us that we do not have to say, "It's okaaaay" after someone has knowingly or simply ignorantly offended us. Wow. That was liberating as I did that 99.999% of the time.

[@jetlaggedchef6806]

You're basically an oracle. Hahah! I mean seriously, this approach is AMAZING. So many people have felt powerless and bad, then stewed on it later. BOOM, deal with it head on then move on and let them feel awkward about it. It's their problem, let them carry the discomfort. AMEN. :)

[@TheWizardOfWords]

We are on the same page, Christopher :)

[@amandaclark8525]

Absolutely love everything I heard. Firm boundaries with compassion. Thank you for this content

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thanks for watching and listening, Amanda.

[@deedeeharkins9551]

Dan, I am so happy to have found this channel. Your material and delivery is absolutely fantastic - esp for me, the Human Doormat!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

DeeDee, if you are a human doormat I say ARISE and declare that people will WALK ON YOU NO MORE!

[@slemusrocks]

Hi, thank you for these videos! I came across your true channel a few days ago because at work a “higher up” who is not my direct supervisor asked me if I had any questions and I did regarding supplies. Her response was: “order them, it’s a simple thing to do” my heart sunk and even though I wanted to respond (unprofessionally) I didn’t. I turned around and walked away. And ever since I’ve been looking for tools to help me speak up and stand up for myself in a professional manner. I’ve been watching your videos and taking notes 📝

[@soo77777]

I just love you and your service! I share your videos all the time ... much needed!! Thank you!!

[@soyoungpark4806]

This was one of the most helpful video. You’re so talented 🙌🏻

[@amys.johnson8449]

Dan, You are AWESOME!!! Thank you for your help and support. ☺️

[@zsong9600]

I am typically a quiet person at parties or group settings and as a Libra I don't like confrontation etc. but I have had a few fantastic moments where it was almost as if someone else took over, but was able to be heard - I was calm, deadpan, and factual and called people out for the bad behavior toward others.

[@tyehart]

Thank you so so much for this! You've gained a new subscriber! So, my manager can be very condescending, very sarcastic, and talks about you within earshot "without using ur name" if you ever make a mistake on the job. For example, I made a mistake and he comments for everyone to hear "what, did you just shut your brain off...how do u forget something you've been doing for the last 5 years"...I just made 3 years with the company btw, and it's not something I do everyday. And so he continues (throughout thee entire morning) to make obnoxious comments to his fave employee (again, within earshot, so I am able to hear everything) about sharp people vs dull knives and making "jokes" about trading out employees for sharper ones...I mean he kept digging and digging (again, not doing it directly at me but it was 100% about me) and I kept my composure and did not respond... but quite honestly I wanted to explode and seriously go off on him. But I didn't bc I know it wld not have been good for anyone - not with my emotions high as it was. I was livid. But I just sucked it up and continued doing my job bc I know he can also be very petty and vindictive. I was mentally drained by the time work was over...that's how much work it took to ignore his asinine comments! He's also proud and thinks he's smarter than everyone and thinks he can out-talk anyone. Phew! Sorry, I know that was a mouthful. Please...how would you address someone like this if it were you?

[@michelledeehorticultrist]

I'm so glad I came across your channel. Thank you for doing what you do!!

[@victoriagibson411]

Shutting down toxic people like a boss! I love this!!!!

[@jonye7511]

You are arming me for coping with some difficult individuals that I dread meeting since I am clearly too nice. Damn, I just love you for it.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Happy to help, Joe!

[@stephaniem4565]

As soon as I can afford to take this class I will. Dan your content is GOLD. I’m here because my sister in law tried to one up my almost 2 year old. My daughter counted her two Easter eggs and her great grandma said how cute and amazing it is that she can count. As I smile and say oh well she can count to maybe 4 right now my sister in law leans over to my daughter’s great grandmother and says just so I can hear that her daughter could count to 2 hundred at 2. I was so angry I couldn’t speak and I need to know how to stand up for myself and shut her down!!!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Stephanie, I'm sorry I missed this comment. I'm HAPPY you didn't try to shut down your sister-in-law. She is clearly missing a few screws and needs love more than anything else. Competing with your 2-year old on behalf of her own child? What she needs from you is LOVE.

[@rasberryfields2132]

Just found you! 🎁 Better late than never! Your teachings will save all of us who have no idea how to stand up for ourselves! Great job and bless you!✌️❤️🙏

[@susanatkinson7702]

Dan you have all the right words. Not everyone has this skill, gift so I’ll keep listening. I needed you 45 years ago!

[@AlwaysASolution-qj9be]

Great content! Love that you get straight to the issue.

[@shelleyscott6769]

You are awesome, thanks for the excellent words. Love your laugh, and strength of character.

[@DiellaDachlan]

Thank you so much Dan! Watching your videos and listening to your teaching are inspiring!. I often struggle with "lost words" and stutter when communicating with other people. I just have to keep going and practice :).

[@mishmash7987]

It happens the same to me! I have a coworker that bullies me all time and takes advantage because I can’t defend my self from her offensive comments……. I just stay quiet 😢

[@mt.gamecalls2566]

Love what you share and absolutely love your videos. 😊

[@Xianne027]

Oh those chimes are great! I'll remember that: ding! dong! ding! "Charlie would you pass me the...."

[@pameladipietra185]

You're so great....you seem very comfortable in front of the camera. Thank you for these life skills tips and suggestions. I seem to be surrounded by these kinds of ignorant people and sometimes I am caught off guard. I will continue to follow your videos for your valuable and insiteful lessons....Happy Holidays from South Carolina!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Happy Holidays from North Dakota and Guadalajara, Jalisco, MX, Pamela. I am trying to give practical tips that will make your life better and easier, and will contribute to mindful rather than destructive dialogue. That's the goal--to change the global dialogue one conversation at a time.

[@chanelg6384]

Just found your videos! Love your power phrases and ordered your book on Amazon. My narcissistic mother, which I have cut communication with going on two years, asked if she could come over for thanksgiving to see my kids. I better have your book memorized or I will loose my sanity! Thank you

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Chanel, your mother may be a narcissist, but she is still a grandmother. If at all possible, invite her for Thanksgiving, but be prepared to stop her if she crosses boundaries or is on the attack. YOU CAN DO THIS!!

[@Yannis2022]

Addictive teaching methods for sure! Your techniques have transformed my personal situation in the work place for the better. At last something that actually works with management and colleagues. Sincere thanks!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Wonderful! You are so welcome Mailaddress, and thank you for telling me this :)

[@tarawalsh-arpaia3928]

I subscribed and am a paying client. Great value for what we get! I highly recommend this for everyone! You cannot get better than this!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Many thanks for your testimonial, Tara!

[@sandyw1891]

Love your vids - I've learned so much from you !

[@cati101]

I was in need of this video! I have so many passive aggressiv customers! Thank you! Greetings from Turkey!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Glad it was helpful! And greetings from North Dakota and Jalisco!

[@44kayleemic]

I accept your apology instead of its OK, brilliant! Thank you

[@elainedoremus2688]

This is fabulous! Thank you so much!

[@rubenrichardson5866]

I love this so much, I respect you being such a strong and up front person!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thanks, Ruben. :)

[@rockinrobin322]

Oh my goodness this is so right on time. Please give us a part 3 next week too. THANK YOU DAN 😘

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Look for part three within about two days, Rockin. :)

[@rockinrobin322]

@@TheWizardOfWords if you do 10 more it would be like the 12 Days of Christmas Communication. Thanks Dan ☮️💟

[@CopperCoin0017]

I've been watching you for years, and I believe that this was in the top five!🤩 Keep up the great work!💥

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thank you, Cooper! I appreciate your observation and your evaluation.

[@Ninastarr]

I absolutely love the skills in your videos..i have to say it is definitely a challenge to implement considering my partner and i are both skilled in psychology lol..so we kinda both know when the others starting to utilize a skill learned lol..although,on a positive note, these are super useful for my work place because I work with some very negative and passive aggressive people who are also 'Old Schoolers'..been around for awhile, resistant to change etc..so thank you so much

[@LM-lu5lk]

Lol! Love your humor and wish it could be that easy for me to respond to others.

[@BostonSpeaks]

How can we just bring you next to us when we are next to toxic people so you can give them a kick in the butt 😂

[@christinasivebk2450]

Yep, we need Dan-in-a-pocket.

[@Zin-yp3di]

This is great! Actually saying its ok to call them out on their behaviour.

[@wylieschwartz8299]

You're amazing! So good, super helpful, thank you!

[@karenr5870]

This is so awesome! Leave it hanging with a 3 second stair.

[@spiritwise4965]

Thank you, Dan. I love your channel. I needed this information 50 years ago. Better late than never.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Absolutely.

[@dinky..]

Thank you for this video Dan!! I find saying "I forgive you" opposed to "it's okay" very very hard. Must practice more!!

[@rhiannon7163]

I am a child care provider, this is what I teach the kids!

[@dudanunesbleff]

"I forgive you" may sound condescending, unless it is used if someone sincerely asks you to forgive them.

[@GPrince816]

I love the directness and that your method is strategic. From time to time I have found that responding to these comments with: "I find it hard to believe that was a productive use of your time!" In the right situation when used, it has made the antagonist check themselves quickly and shuts down any further antagonistic comments. I look forward to giving your strategy a shot as well.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I like your method, GPrince. I'm sure it would be effective in many situations. Thank you.

[@Margarita1928forever]

I discovered your videos today and I want to tell you THANK YOU! I'm 39 and I am okay with confrontation but sometimes I'm not as clear with my communication as I want to be.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thank you, Woman, and I hope you subscribed and I hope you share.

[@willow6726]

This is brilliant information!!! Thank you so much!

[@laurayeesnover631]

Most excellent! Your communication is outstanding (inflexion, expression, enthusiasm, etc)! How can we NOT watch? You make it so very entertaining. Truly useful while being funny!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thank you! 😃 and certainly welcome aboard, Laura. I hope you share these videos :)

[@clwbchbabycakes]

Subscribed and shared this video. Thank you!!!

[@ginarosemary786]

I am an American Irish Catholic married to a Mexican man from Guadalajara for 50 years now. So this particular video got me. right in the feels. I have a brother who used to love to drop the word "wetback"or "beaner" into the conversation at holiday gatherings, thinking he was being amusing. Too bad I didn't have you to coach me way back then. Husband and I retired to Lake Chapala. I have learned from the comment section that you live or at least spend time in Guadalajara, my husband's hometown. (I have lived there too-- way too much chaos for me!) I accidentally found you on KZbin and absolutely LOVE watching your amazing communication skills. THANKS again for your content. Please keep it up.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thanks, Ginarosemary. Maybe we'll bump into one another sometime. I have a place in Guad and another in San Antonio Tlayacapan, in addition to my U.S. home. Like you, I find Guad chaotic and when in Mexico, spend most of my time in the village--which I love. As for beaner and wetback comments--the ignorance is mind-numbing. I hope that you shut those down if you ever have occasion to be spending time with your brother again. Good grief.

[@mouthface9710]

The first video I have listened to so far. Maybe, I need to work on my communications skills and become a pro at communicating so that I don't lose my job or feel miserable/anxious about it.

[@marilynmarilyn2755]

You’re so good Dan...thank you

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thank you MM. :)

[@Rubiastraify]

This video is a gem! Why are family/holiday dinners such a hotbed of rude behavior?! I need these responses on cue cards so that they'll just flow off my tongue! It's true -- it is loving to be direct and honest with someone. My favorite question, "Are you still working at that dead-end job?!" (A job with a non-profit that I love, BTW, and they know it).

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Rosetta, when asked that question you might respond: "Yes, I'm still working at that dead-end job that I love. So what's new with you???" Remember, don't be defensive. That will lead to more silly questions.

[@noveleden]

I am so grateful for these videos. Thank you.

[@irishcountrygirl78]

This is gold and you are a gem ❤

[@lynettegardner7525]

Thank you for your help and many, many hours of excellent instructions. Getting to the point, my father’s mother has made it an on going habit to tell me whether or not she likes what I am wearing, my hairstyle, my makeup, etc. In addition, she passive aggressively will snipe at me, is she feels I have ordered too much in terms of expense. Honestly, I have put up with this for years, but I’m not taking it anymore. You have given me some tools with which I will be be able to disarm her. At age 66, I don’t need the grief.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Wow - - I am very happy if I have helped you in any Lynette.

[@kimboeskeim397]

1st video in & I already love you! ☺️

[@shanderela]

I'm just finding this now so this is my holiday. I've got the world's most problematic mama! Her love just hurts but I love her So I'm trying so hard Because she just doesn't get it!! Thank you for this help. I'll keep you posted

[@diamondunicorn2421]

I’m naturally sarcastic so my responses aren’t too cute . Usually the person who offended me, don’t speak to me anymore. And that’s perfectly fine. IM LOVING YOUR VIDEOS!! You are GOOD!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Diamond, you're not naturally sarcastic. Sarcasm is learned, so you can unlearn it :). It's my job tl help you turn that sarcasm into mindful communication. If my mother could do it, ANYONE can do it. :). So please stay tuned.

[@mayreacts8030]

You truly are a wizard and I love you already watching your first video

[@karinamurphy]

I love you!! So great, powerful and funny. I really appreciate it and you :)

[@TheWizardOfWords]

And I appreciate being appreciated, so thank you very much, Karina.

[@nikkid9915]

I love your energy😊 I binge watched your videos years ago. You became my Jiminy Cricket😄 You always show up exactly when I need a refresher and more guidance. Forever grateful that you care and share your priceless gifts, I send you love and respect. You're an earth😇 Thanks for being here and being you Dan🙏❤❤❤

[@TheWizardOfWords]

😊 thank you so much!

[@annmarie39able]

Love your channel so glad I've found it. I wish I'd discovered it at Christmas. I would have definitely responded to arguments I've had with family who've brought up things which happened decades ago.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Well, there's always next Christmas.

[@annmarie39able]

@@TheWizardOfWords Very true!

[@user-gi1ij4ep9q]

John your awesome teacher. Thank you for your efforts to produce theses videos.

[@LuvliexXJazzieXx]

This is so freaking Empowering!!!!! I LOVE IT HERE!!❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Happy to have you here, JahZiiie.

[@juleseyc7578]

Single woman in my 40’s here..always fending off passive aggressive comments re: why I’m not partnered up..always end up feeling embarrassed 😔...thank you for these tips! You have such great positive energy ☺️ P.S I’ve subscribed keep up the good work

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thanks for the sub and please check out my videos on fending off inappropriate comments and questions.

[@AlgisKemezys]

Your a blessing DC and I deserve that!

[@tkomla]

Yes! Beautiful. Thank you for this.

[@mistyswiney7339]

Wow, you are truly amazing in teaching professional communication.

[@minksm3032]

That 3 second look though!!! Magical!!

[@tammymccarthy1378]

These are the communication skills we SHOULD be learning in church, too. The approach of love. Brother in the Lord, this is sharing God's love, in a practical way. Thank you, Lord, for your works, trough Dan O'Connor!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

High compliment. Thank you, Tammy.

[@kewlitsjenn]

Your advice is invaluable. Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us. Have you thought about doing tiktoks? Your content would no doubt go viral.

[@sharonsuiter3646]

WOW That is so Powerful ‼️ Thank You for this‼️

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You are so welcome

[@gladyskeizer3857]

Love the responses !!❤

[@MsFlame2000]

The shade the shade of it all! I love it!!

[@bluetickbeagles116]

You help my introverted self handle rude people. TY 🙂

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You are very welcome Beaglenoseknows.

[@livingfiction]

I hope you are super aggressive about protecting your content. Because this video is fantastic. But that's because your message is one of connectivity and kindness. I can imagine clips of this video being seen without the benefit of your wrap up encouraging love, kindness, and patience that could lead to these tools being used as weapons. Thank you for your presentation and the way that you include perspective and purpose with the tools you demonstrate.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thank you for that thoughtful and informative comment... Wow. I really appreciate the time and consideration you gave me. I'll take your advice... But I'm not even sure how I would go about protecting my content. Any pointers?

[@livingfiction]

@@TheWizardOfWords I think you've addressed my concern in part simply by virtue of the fact that you so quickly responded to a comment on a 9 month old video! Clearly you remain connected to your content. Sadly the internet is the wild west, and I'm sure you already know how impossible it is to fully secure any sort of content. Encouraging your audience to bring clips from other channels to your attention is one way. Having a featured comment or tile during the video somewhere mentioning the importance of remembering the value of context, and the intention of all great self defense teachers to arm their students so they can make the world safer, not more harmful. I'm sure you could find the best way to present that idea, the way you did it at the end of this was impactful to me. As far as the ethic of when to take action and when to allow clipping of your content, I think you described it perfectly in this video. When something is problematic, report it, address it, copyright all your videos and don't hesitate to ask KZbin to take down anything that doesn't reflect your purpose. I suppose the danger of misuse by the truly malevolent will always be a risk, but it's a risk worth taking if it can help families and people really be closer. I watched this video because I hoped it might help me with a family member whose passive aggression comes from a place of insecurity and fear. My desire isn't to put them in their place, shame them, or hurt them. I want to be able to handle things in a way that can remove the space their harmful communication (though not malicious) creates in our relationship. Watching this video was a roller coaster. I felt empowered at first, then started to worry that I was only going to escalate things and replace my hurt with theirs, which is not at all what I want. But the way you brought it together at the end oriented me into the correct mindset. It was artfully said, and my comment was in response to the awareness that if I had not finished the video, I would have missed what was for me, the thing that made everything else make sense. Thank you for your response, and for the care you put into this video. It mattered.

[@weegirl85]

You make me laugh so much and I am taking a note!! This is a fun way to learn things. 😂😂😂😂

[@LaurenOliviArt]

You speak with confidence thank you for this video! ❤