How to help a friend in an abusive relationship

[@toebeans228]

Thank you for this video. My friend's boyfriend just made her block me on everything because he views me as a threat. Now I feel even more helpless than ever and not sure what to do.

[@user-dq2ym1nn9k]

let go. there's nothing you can do. save your sanity and find new, healthy friendships.

[@AnaSousa-z2i]

​​@@user-dq2ym1nn9kIn some cases yes, its not on our hands. But once i worked at a care eldership house, and a coworker use to hit a elder woman, and use a lot verbal violence, soo i writte that on the book of occurrences,and one month later she was fired. In other situations its not really in the hands of one person to finish ever violence case.

[@ashniciri]

Harlow is such an amazing and knowledgeable advocate for survivors. Thank you for sharing on vital topic.

[@croc560]

I’m so happy u mentioned the numbers for men. Finally, a woman who acknowledges men get abused too…

[@pennylocal5289]

This is so very hard to know what’s happening and can’t make their decisions for them. I’d like to reach in there and carry them to safety. But instead, here I am. I offered to pay rent and utilities for a safe place for my friend and her children. Also I told them I would put some cash in a safe place that they can have access to 24 hours a day. They could use that for a hotel or something until I could assist further. Is there anything else I can do? I’ve had to go about things things in secret ways. They have been isolated in the middle of nowhere, no licence or vehicle. Having to delete any messages. Had to spend 2 weeks in a mental hospital. These are serious signs to me. The only thing saving her is his parents are there, but if he treats her this way and they say nothing, I think they are the reason for his behaviour. I don’t like it. Any more I can do or is that it ?? Abuse is such a horrible thing. I have been in abusive relationships. Thankfully I didn’t let it go far.

[@asksafewise]

I'm so sorry to hear your friend and her kids are in such a scary situation. The expert we talked to on the topic mentioned how long this process can take. While it feels counter-intuitive, pushing help on your friend might not be as helpful as you'd like. Being there for her through the process will be. Stay supportive, take her on trips or little day errands if you can, getting her out of that environment, even for a little while may help. There are hotlines and other experts out there who may be better qualified to help too. We spoke to a social worker ourselves for this video to learn more.

[@pennylocal5289]

Thank you for your insight. Sadly there is no way for me to connect in person. Altho. I did get her connected with a therapist. As she has no access to extra funding for that, I offered to help there. And she reached out to me to take that option. See how it goes I guess. 🤞

[@asksafewise]

I hope that helps,@@pennylocal5289 ! You're a good friend for sticking by her side through this. It's not easy watching it happen to someone you care about.

[@pennylocal5289]

I’m happy to come back here and report. I kept by her. Through social media apps as she had a hard time with regular messages. I sent videos daily, on what was happening to her, videos of all kinds of information. Finally she let me take her oldest son (who wasn’t from the abuser but being mentally abused by the abuser) from school and for the weekend. I took him camping and shopping for new clothes got hair cut. When I returned him to school on the monday, the school councillor noticed the change in him and reached out to me about my knowledge on what was going on at their home. We met up and she asked if I thought there was any chance this man would harm the child physically. I said he’s done enough harm. This boy wanted to kill himself. So did his mother. Anyway she asked me to pick him back up reached out to his mom and said that her son wasn’t safe to return. She chose to go to the shelter with her two other kids the next day I took her there. It’s been a month now. She is 9 months pregnant but learning that she didn’t deserve any of it. The man is evil. She was alone in the relationship anyway. So doing it alone now, will be ok. Without all the abuse included. So if anyone is trying to help their friend or loved one, don’t stop. You could possibly save their life. 😊