How to improve your SELF-ESTEEM: the second step is the tricky part

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Self-esteem is the belief that, all things being equal, you're a worthwhile person. It's related to self-confidence, but it's technically a separate construct. Unfortunately, many folks out there struggle with low self-esteem, and don't think very highly of themselves (even if they're otherwise successful). Fortunately, there is a simple way to improve your self-esteem. It's a two-step process, and I'll outline both in this episode.
Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
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Website: oriontarabanps...
#selflove #selfesteem #selfconfidence

[@psychacks]

Self-esteem is the belief that, all things being equal, you're a worthwhile person. It's related to self-confidence, but it's technically a separate construct. Unfortunately, many folks out there struggle with low self-esteem, and don't think very highly of themselves (even if they're otherwise successful). Fortunately, there is a simple way to improve your self-esteem. It's a two-step process, and I'll outline both in this episode. Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California. Podcast available of Spotify, Instagram, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts and others. See the "About" tab for more information on donations and consultations. Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com

[@tommyl3707]

So I just need to do something great else I won’t have self esteem 😂. Never had self help make me feel worse than before.

[@abdulhameed9651]

If you have self-esteem already can ignore this instead spending time to watch and comment

[@irshadazeez4764]

This part about not showing or telling anyone is powerful

[@KingaGorski]

Do it for you 🙌

[@Vladimyrful]

This channel needs WAY more views.

[@psychacks]

You can help spread the word. Send a video to someone you think might benefit.

[@larrycheek3588]

@@psychacks done

[@sfrealestatedealmaker6001]

@@psychacks Work the algorithm by using better edits and a more engaging background. People have short attention spans. Watch Stephan Graham and Andre Jikh. Their content is dry but when edited properly, they get watch time, which is what the algorithm picks up on. Then in turn it gets on the recommended page, then gets more views. I appreciate your content, I hope you take the advice and do something with it. Keep up the uploads, you’re a gem in the psychology community. 🏆

[@TurtleTrader]

They're coming!

[@jeromespike]

Woooa I have delved into the difference between self esteem and confidence, and never thought to remove the bragging part of my achievements. I love this and will explore it

[@se78836]

‘The Six Pillars of Self Esteem’ might be the most helpful book I’ve ever read. It’s my mental health bible when I don’t feel good about myself

[@waakkeuppp]

👍🏽

[@morethrottle95]

What were yiur take aways? Got the book but haven't started reading it yet.

[@KingaGorski]

There's gold in books

[@idlehourlinda6476]

If you rely solely on external validation for nourishment you'll be hungry for the rest of your life. What good advice to keep esteemable and difficult acts private to nourish your soul.

[@KingaGorski]

That first line tho 🪴

[@rashad3412able]

The part of keeping it to yourself is Gold. This is why I deleted all my social media it has really help me kick the “validation” way and just move on with my life

[@nikoletahroncova3342]

good job! congrats to that!

[@KingaGorski]

External validation will always fall short if we're not able to first and foremost validate ourselves

[@rayrwyr]

My summary: We must always do the right thing no matter what others think.

[@GuyCorrino]

Thats essentially what grown ups do!

[@corybreckon]

@@GuyCorrino it's not really

[@kevinlogan6171]

Nope

[@KingaGorski]

That's integrity in a nutshell

[@RoyBattyLives]

I’m a student therapist and this short video has been absolutely enlightening. Building the relationship with yourself without the need for external validation is golden. Thank you

[@Indianmogger]

❤

[@KingaGorski]

People are too often focused on relationships with everyone except themselves

[@b1n]

This makes so much sense. This channel is a hidden gem.

[@KingaGorski]

Agreed 💎

[@Jay-kk3dv]

Crazy, so the social media influencers are actually training their self-esteem to be worse. This explains a lot.

[@LetsBeLosers]

I feel personally attacked by this video. Well done sir.

[@psychacks]

Thanks for the support!

[@aaen9417]

This man needs to be rewarded enough for the inmense help he is providing us with.

[@KingaGorski]

So true. To paraphrase Tony Robbins, we can't know progress if we don't know struggle. It's through doing hard and novel things that we build a sense of greater competence, which then leads to greater confidence.

[@mishka_bo_bishka]

what if we just arent competent lol

[@KingaGorski]

​@@mishka_bo_bishka Then lead with confidence! It's called The Confidence-Competence Loop. Naturally we don't feel competent when we haven't acquired the new skill *yet.* But the more we apply ourselves, both courageously and confidently (even when it feels messy), we naturally develop more competence in whatever we're doing and working towards. As we feel more competent, it fuels our confidence, and the loop continues 🚀 hope that was of some insight to you along your path :)

[@mishka_bo_bishka]

@@KingaGorskiyes! thank you

[@Langy.]

this was absolutely mind blowing. I have done a lot of amazing things in my life, I've had I opportunities that people could only dream of having, and yet here I was sharing every single thing I've done. Thank you for this.

[@CallmeMasta]

תודה!

[@jordinmcguire3464]

Never thought of receiving external validation was robbing my own internal validation before. Quite eye-opening. Thank you

[@KingaGorski]

Definitely a unique twist to express it that way

[@stean90]

That is the reason I never made it so far as an artist, because part of your life as an artist is the exposing to others. I have not found a solution to this problem without getting dependend on external validation.

[@vladimiragreen3581]

I feel like I am doing hard things most of my life as I live with bipolar disorder type 2. But till now I didn’t realise that every time I share my difficulties and how I am overcoming them I am knocking my self esteem down. Good advice!

[@MaryelllenAustin]

I really liked how you spoke of how important step 2 is… So true! And we can totally become slaves to the need of external validation. Thank you for sharing this perspective! 😌😍

[@Raven__111]

This is a massive truth for someone like me, i always had this need to post on instagram what i was doing, specially the things that were difficult for me to do just like you mentioned in the video, - Waking up at 6am and go for a run, **takes a picture of the watter bottle next to the running shoes and upload it on my histories** 3 hours later, 10 or twelve replies saying "oh that´s cool, when are you going to run with me?" and those comments make me feel special, but, it was a double-edged sword because the day i didn´t wanted to run i was feeling like sh*t about myself, and i didn´t know why, and now after watching this video i know why ! it was because i didn´t received any replies that day ! no likes or external validation, so .. what you´re saying is tremendously true, because i´ve lived it, social media is indeed like a drug, or even more dangerous than an actual "drug" we are slowly becoming more and more addicted to it and not even being aware of the damage it does to our behaviour and Brain funcionality.

[@vemmubabes1152]

I’m in a very bad place right now and this made a lot of sense to me. I’m gonna follow your advice for a couple of months and come back to say whether I’ve improved or not. Thank you so much Dr. Orion

[@Edanasaur]

It's been 3 months...what's the update?!

[@asadfami7623]

Thanks!

[@carmelmcloughlin7972]

Great advice. It all makes so much sense now. I learnt to play the guitar something I had wanted to do for years. When I learnt a piece of music I recorded it to share with others, I waited for their response to hearing me playing the guitar. Why did I do this? Why could I not wait to see what their response was? Gradually I have been able to continue with my practise without the need for validation from others. I praise myself now when I do a challenging piece on my guitar, it feels good and quite liberating. Your video is so accurate and now I know why I felt like I needed others for validation.

[@sheilastoppa7615]

This so much like my experience with playing guitar, singing, writing, etc. - why be at the mercy of the opinions of others. Why need an audience? It could happen we would one day want to share, but it's fun just to improve with practice alone.

[@LindseyDawnArt]

It’s so hard to not gain validation from others but I am working hard on this to boost my self esteem . Thank you for your help

[@KingaGorski]

There's nothing wrong with receiving (even wanting) validation from others if you have a healthy and grounded sense of self. Getting validated gives us indicators that we have a sense of acceptance and belonging, but what's more important is that we give that sense of acceptance and belonging to ourselves first, above all else, even if that external validation from others is lacking. Because if we get it from others yet don't have the internal validation component, we'll always feel lacking.

[@mysticstarlux]

I have done this! Self acknowledgement of my achievements to myself. It's catching those moments. Sometimes they are small. But I love the excitement of conquering myself & skills! I don't need to share with others because I know the journey it took to get to that moment.

[@sumari972]

I'm so happy I found this video where the guy doesn't play bursting out of his confidence and preaching at 1,5x speed "3 easy ways to boost your self esteem". A very decent advice.

[@Vecko-t8b]

Second part or trick, I really agree on. You need your own validation, not validation of others. Validation of others is nice, especially because we are social animals, but your own validation is most important.

[@MrArtista10]

Over the past years. I've seen multiple videos on confidence and Self-esteem. They told you the tricks of the traits and while some were insightful. They were a bit long on instructions. Until now, this 5:20m video just gave us a Gem on how to improve your Self-Esteem. Great Work!

[@hilly5488]

I work 70+ hours a week, largely doing manual labor, building a farming business. I have no social media. I have extremely low self worth.

[@grettirgrattmards2348]

Me too brother. I'm a master electrician. Work 6 days a week, all weeks. Still feel worthless every day. I'd rate myself -2/10.

[@JohnM...]

No you don't - you have an incorrect PERCEPTION of yourself. To counter that, for example, did you know that in order to be alive, you beat odds of FOUR TRILLION to one? That makes you unique, awesome, and more than worthy.

[@UTP504]

@@grettirgrattmards2348A master electrician?? I wish I could, you’re highly skilled my brother, give yourself some credit💯💪🏾.

[@jorgeanibal8834]

You’re awesome bro. Regardless of money or recognition, i want you to know that you’re doing something positive for the world that has real, substantial and lasting impact. You’ve helped me reflect and sort out my world and i can only assume that you do that for others as well, my gratitude to you good Sir. Thank you

[@pepsicola0786]

Just.. wow! I never thought of it like that. I do the difficult things sometimes but immediately seek out external validation to instead of validating myself. No wonder it feels like I'm getting nowhere. How can I rely on others when I'm not even choosing myself first and foremost. Thank you for this.

[@4EverEvolving1]

This was super eye opening for me. I have extremely low self-esteem and the video helped me connect some important dots as to some of my habits and also to issues I have with validation. Thank you for helping me!

[@Editsagastudios]

The best way to improve self esteem is to face problems. In school I remember I was this joker of the class who always seeked attention (not in a good way). After that my parents sent me to a hostel. There I got to know how hard life is, but it also thought me how to motivate myself in terrifying situations. It really helped me developing my self esteem. As a result i got this really introspective personality. I am glad that now the the best person that knows mme now is me myself.

[@Madelong0063]

There’s so much meaning to these 4 minute videos. I just subbed

[@youtoobe556]

I’m glad the algorithm has finally blessed me, this is like the 7th video in a row Ive binged on your channel. Sub worthy for sure!

[@heatherheather7107]

This is a great way to begin the new year. I am working on becoming impervious to the opinions of people around me while keeping an air of mystery as I challenge myself. What I notice is the more you do this, the more people admire you, which builds up your self esteem. Thank you and keep these nuggets of wisdom coming. Happy holidays!

[@arcanefunds2645]

thank u man ill try, i got someone to work for now so ill try my best for them and for myself. Im realizing the spot im in in my life, letting the past tie me down and i wanna move past it

[@freecreator6426]

Thank you for the many brilliant insights you provide us with. One of the dangerous causes of low self-esteem is perfectionism.

[@simontinkler7655]

It is so refreshing to have such a helpful insight without rambling on - just over 5 minutes - thank you

[@GeekyMoo]

I've watched a lot of videos about how you are enough the way you are and all that crap. This one is the only one I found logical and actionable. Thanks.

[@carmenrose]

What succinct, transforming guidance to help build self esteem. So much to unpack and expound on. The fact you mentioned slavery hit my gut. Thank you for sharing such practical steps. Appreciate this more than you know!

[@freecreator6426]

Danke!

[@barbara9089]

That makes so much sense. I am definitely a validation junkie. I appreciate the tips. THANK YOU!!

[@kikou3344]

"a slave of a thousand masters"... Powerful words

[@ra-kr5vo]

Oh... That makes sense... i think i have to try it, the second part is indeed difficult, esp. when you thought sharing all your progress means that you are giving a heads up of what you've been doing.. but yeah now I get it why the more I talk about it, the more i feel inferior. Just like what Dory says, just keep swimming, and not telling! Thank you so much for this!

[@verb0ze]

Wow, never heard this explained this way! I do this naturally, but never really understood this is what I was doing! Thanks for the explanation!

[@KiaraPolk]

This is one of the best videos about self esteem I have seen very simple and straight to the point .

[@boulderbodymind]

Doing difficult and eestemable things without telling anyone! Dr Orion, I love your work. Thank you for all of these insights!

[@aaronniehaus2224]

I’m thinking about where you can distinguish sharing your achievements for personal validation and marketing your craft, for example. If you have a side hustle and use social media to promote it, it’s easy to get those wires crossed. Maybe for such a situation you need to ensure a certain number of the personal achievements go unshared and keep them to yourself. This video made me think! Thank you for sharing this.

[@PsyferInc]

When you have to internalize to yourself and not to others it brings in the sense of loneliness. As if it is you and only you that can change your self esteem, which IS very true! BUT! As you build your self-esteem, you will still need to socialize with others so you won't remain in a lonely space. Don't get anything twisted. Social interactions (NOT social media likes or comments) are very important even to the introverts. The key here is: Focus on healthy interactions and healthy relationships (friends and/or family). That does matter. Stay far away from unhealthy people, unhealthy music, and unhealthy interactions.

[@GeekyMoo]

Thanks!

[@amintazi5904]

This makes so much sense, I promise I will try because I am really having problems with my self esteem here

[@shekharchoudhary4792]

this was so simply explained.....but it is such a rewarding process particularly not sharing the part of your gain. stoics also said the same thing never share your self-improvement with others. thanks a ton

[@snaakie]

Wow I never thought about this, well I kinda did. But everytime I did something I was proud of I just had to tell others. Definitely going to do this from now on, thank you so much!

[@juneidabubakar2756]

you made it absolutely concise and easy to understand. i shall keep this infront of my mind

[@alok696969]

Thanks a lot doctor, this really makes sense. I have been bullied in school for being dark skin complexion and this had left a huge impact on my self esteem while growing up. Although I'm now a successful engineer doing good work and earning a decent salary, due to this lack of self esteem, I hesitate to talk with women (don't go on dates) and take the easy way out. I did learn a ton of skills over the years like guitar, soccer, piano, sketching, tennis, karate, cooking, juggling, German language, etc. But I have a tendency to show off on social media and this clearly hasn't helped my self esteem in any way. The above mentioned things has definitely improved my self confidence, which I think is a gradual process in life and we should keep building it through out. Self esteem I feel is a much more important concept that is not taught in schools (loving your self for who you are). I think with today's social media age, it becomes really hard for people to avoid showing off their accomplishments. These skills should definitely be taught to our kids for their better future and we definitely should pick it up first to become a better version of our selves.

[@dl0_0lb]

I really needed this today. I'll keep working on myself in this way..feeling the positivity

[@Blankphotograph5799]

Do good things but sneaky. Got it. Be the one to give yourself praise.

[@lindsayhacke8447]

Wow! Thàt makes sense to me. Like a key that opened something i lost for long time: not sharing to others so u can get rid of external aproval. Thank you so much for sharing this in such short time and in an easy understandeble way!

[@AuntyShaPray]

Concise and extremely helpful. Much gratitude from New Zealand 🙏

[@maggielinea]

Thank you for this! This is very helpful and the way you escorted external validation leading to less development of self esteem is something I've not thought of before.

[@TheNostalgicGirl]

Wow, never thought of that second step but it totally makes sense. Thank you!

[@roshnimudaliar9701]

Thanks

[@clas683]

Tack!

[@biondna7984]

Thank you for confirming for me what the struggles of the last 21 years have shown me. Self-validation, yes.

[@ЕлизаветаГандзиошен]

God! I’m so grateful for watching this video. Man, you really helped me to make a puzzle of what I needed to feel confident 🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@okay.267]

I cannot tell you how perfect and on point this video is. ..... thank youuu

[@KomalSingh-cm8gc]

Thank you for existing,dr.taraban

[@danschulte113]

Thank you for this. I've heard it in meetings but until I was really down it hadn't quite hit.

[@yoepvaesen4475]

This guy is great, valid and coherent advice

[@Feldman1]

I thought i have low self esteem, but from this video I think I have high self esteem because I don't need validation from others. Maybe sometimes I like to take advice from friends. And I sometimes do hard things and don't feel urge to tell about it.

[@mar-mar3700]

Thank you, you mentioned one of the most important. How is it when someone humiliates others in different ways like body language or saying something to make them feeling embarrassed??

[@sebasnieb]

Thank you man. That triggered on me a lot of stuff which I have dealt my whole life. Thank you for the wisdom

[@JC-gw3yo]

Nobody can take away from a man that succeeds. Some will call him arrogant, but that is jealously

[@aaen9417]

Thanks!

[@joycejeong-x4b]

Understanding the significance of self-praise in this video has taught me how to appreciate and love myself more. Embracing a positive perspective toward my own achievements has become a priority.

[@fathima6539]

Much Needed. Thank you.

[@aeem83pilot]

It turns out I really needed to see this video. It was very useful to me and I really appreciate what you’re doing.

[@GuyCorrino]

Thank you. Very helpful indeed. No one tells you that. Do hard things, go to the gym etc. yeah and then I got a lot of praise for that. And it happend as you said: My last girlfriend was so into me because of my six pack, my work ethic, my intelligence, my "wisdom" and I got addicted. When it stoped, I got needy AF and she left in an instant. I will never again sell my self-respect and -esteem for validation.

[@pauldevins8262]

Great advice… simple in theory but not in practice if your struggling in this area… I am and thanks for the reminder sir 🙏🏼

[@abdulhameed9651]

The information need to be heard by many

[@112000564]

This may be my favourite KZbin video of all time

[@divyanshsharma-r7u]

Best video out there thanks for such an important lesson 🙏🏻♥️

[@nirmalmathew97]

Thanks doc for the real reason behind not tell the goals

[@milkycrocs]

2:44 u dropped a f*cking bomb I literally paused the video and said OOOOO😂

[@josephjego283]

@@milkycrocs exactly!

[@janexie8317]

Thank you doctor, this video is helpful. I find myself wanting to kinda "show off" on social media when I get some progress. Now I know it is for external validation, I want praise. Improving self-esteem definitely need to isolate this "desire" 😂

[@arashghanbari5907]

Fantastic, what a clear and precise explanation. The best I've heard on the topic. Massively valuable content. You deserve and will soon have more views and subs.

[@PurnimaChaudhary609]

Loved it. .. very deep yet practical ... Thanx Orion ❤

[@kskingdancing]

Thank you for this. I recognize it at truth and truth I need to put in action.

[@ChrisWilliams-ls7ue]

Actually for me the 2nd part seems easier than the 1st part. Both make good sense, good video

[@GregWidener]

This is powerful! Thank you for sharing this!

[@kenudice9841]

This 5 minute video was more helpful than the time I spent on therapy with BetterHelp.

[@mphomarokane6485]

This approach is my favourite because most are telling me to stop comparing myself to others , it’s like telling an Ill person to get well how???

[@tochukwuede2627]

This is the best channel on youtube

[@PharmacyTechLabs]

I'm fortunate to have a mother who has always pushed me to succeed in life and belives in me. People can try and destroy your self -esteem with comments etc. But I project that right back onto people I don't let anyone put me down. One lady at my job asked me what was the point of my existence . This was the same lady who previously was saying that I was crazy at work. I told this lady that the point of my existance was to learn, be successful , helpful towards others and to live my life how I see fit. Then I told her, unlike you where you seem to only be alive to be used and abused by men and get drunk. I knew that her previous boyfriend had beat the crap out of her. I know this may sound harsh to tell another human being. But people can be extreamly detrimental towards your self-esteem. If you're gonna dish it out you have to be willing to take it. Haha!

[@thecurrentmoment]

And at the end of the day other people aren't living your life and aren't responsible for it, so what matters the most is that you meet your own standards.

[@PharmacyTechLabs]

@@thecurrentmoment Yes, I agree!

[@aerialexplorer772]

Hi, you were right from an ethical perspective to say this to the woman at work. The only thing I would suggest is that by doing so you might cause her to become an enemy, which might lead her to try to get you fired. It is perhaps better to say nothing, including saying to her that she is entitled to her own opinion about you. She is not your friend, so her opinions about you are irrelevant.

[@davidfereira5354]

Nice come back

[@perrycoffey5410]

That old fuck is extremely ignorant and I hate when people say the word crazy to describe someone it shows a complete lack of support of people who have mental health issues

[@atharvgupta2521]

Thank you Doc!

[@informationtransmitter599]

This is a life changing lesson. Thanks...

[@raymondtendau2749]

Wow . I need this.Thank you.

[@stephanie7572]

I think the hard part is actually picking the goal or activity. If you decide for example, that you will walk around your apartment complex and pick up trash that people have thrown on the ground, is that a difficult and esteemable enough task even if you don't tell anyone about it? Or do you have to walk uphill a mile to another apt. complex that has messy grounds and then pick up trash, the walking the extra mile being more esteemable?

[@shessparklingcases]

Wow, was not expecting that plot twist but thank you!!!