How to Let Go of the Past

"Just let go" is something we hear often when it comes to letting go of painful things from our past. But it's not always so easy to just "let it go". Often, we need to understand why we're struggling to let go of the past, and in this talk I'll teach you the biggest thing that's keeping you stuck in hurt or pain from the past and what to do about it.
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[@JoseBibliotecaazul]

My name is Marc. I am 39 years old. I deal with severe depression, general anxiety, and post traumatic stress disorder. And an alcoholic. I have trouble with feelings. Life is tough and it hurts, but doing my best to keep my chin up.

[@romalisa2]

Perfect that you reached out here on this channel,,keep going keep doing the inner work..and great that you had the courage to reach out and express yourself.!

[@scottys1423]

One year later, how are you doing?

[@chrishorbatt3504]

I literally have to pull myself out of some of this thinking and make myself realize I can't change what was done in the past

[@kathyn3875]

Removing the “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” from my thoughts and words about myself have helped me immensely. Pouring shame on ourself and others is not helpful or productive. I like your concept about having your past develop you instead of define you.

[@MichelleFarrismft]

YES! The "shoulds" really are a way to shame ourselves. Practicing acceptance of what is and where we are is a powerful way to love yourself in this process.

[@Mssarahv74]

I have a desk top lol

[@juliakristinamah]

I couldn't agree more - there is no need to judge ourselves for our thoughts - it's just not helpful.

[@michellecampagne8352]

Yeah. Stop shoulding all over yourself. Little humour helps too.

[@Dani-ys7ut]

@@michellecampagne8352 Love that!!! ❤

[@naseemm2930]

We can’t change the past, but we can change our lives today by making better decisions, rather than focusing on what we didn’t do correctly in the past. It’s a wonderful message and it’s 100% true

[@elin_]

I'm dwelling a lot about my past traumas.. It's so hard to stop

[@arthurlockwood8735]

I no with you my friend 41 years of it not good enough and not my fault keep smiling always if you can 😘🇬🇧🙏

[@ChrisWilliams-kl9ez]

You can let go , just think about the moment you are in now, you can do it

[@gurudra]

This present moment is all we have🙏

[@juliakristinamah]

always.

[@sonjawilliams333]

So far this is the best video that I’ve seen on “letting go”. I feel like I’ve been stuck in an ongoing fight with my thoughts. The feelings of rejection, sadness, resentment, and bitterness have stuck with me for years. Letting go is so hard. Forgiveness is my goal. ❤

[@Earthtime3978]

I wish meeting groups existed on this topic, because already, I’m reading your words and thinking oh, this person has what I have. Identification helps and heals.

[@michaeldo489]

Man my heart hurts everyday and I feel deep sadness in the pit of my stomach. It never stops. I’m always sad from losing the past and I can’t seem to look forward to the future because of how short life is. It’s like I’m stuck in this brief moment until death and can’t break free. 😢

[@luchervilla7214]

Keep your chin up Michael, I understand exactly what you mean but life being short and “not having enough time to make up for past mistakes” could be yet another way of torturing yourself. I love her message of clean pain, we should all clean up our pain, live in the present and use the lessons to move forward….. as long as we are alive …. There is plenty of time 😉

[@romalisa2]

thanks for sharing,,,,keep sharing,,,,with others and make more connections,,I really hope you break free,,and I do understand,,unexplained sadness,,im working on it

[@scottys1423]

I can relate. Good luck to both of us.

[@cazmzy5524]

Free at last... Thanks for the definition of clean and cloudy pain When you have been in the clutches of a narcissist you need to understand this information to create clear thinking about yourself.

[@EsteBahia]

I have a history of ruminating on things surrounded by cloudy pain. My inner critic is quick to judge things, and of course I play the should've or only if game. This pattern has caused a great deal of suffering and stagnation.

[@simonthompson7820]

Yes I am one of those people who cannot let go of the past very easily. I am co dependent & a love addict, I struggle massively not to attach to a toxic partner before I see who they really are. I’m still feeling the pain of a betrayal months after it took place. I would love to be able to conquer this !!!!! Grieving a relationship is so painful, it takes me years. I want to fix this part of myself.

[@freshliving4199]

You sound exactly like…..a female. You grew up close to your mother and far from your father. Your issue is…you are your mother. Drop the anger and return to your father. Only then will you know Love and see what I’m telling you. Any questions for me?

[@user-sm4rd5sv7d]

@@freshliving4199 “drop the anger and return to your father”... can you clarify this a bit more ? Very interested.

[@Rastasoul1]

Oh I so can relate. Prayers for you.Stay strong!! One love!!

[@freshliving4199]

@@user-sm4rd5sv7d Satans nature is of anger, Gods nature is of Love. You cannot serve 2 masters. You are either of anger. Or you are of Love. A child is born innocent until the spirit of anger in the mother moves in and makes a home within. This happens when the mother imposes HER will on the child. She basically recreates the child in her own image. The father is usually weak and does nothing to stop this. Child ends up living his/her life with the identity of the mother. This is why most children resent their parents and actually HATE them. TO BE FREE...all you need to do is go and forgive them as they did the best they knew how. In fact their parents probably did the same with them. What the parents did is on their heads. But when the children judged them for it, that is on the childs head now. Forgiveness is the key to the Kingdom within.

[@youtubeaddict5663]

Reading your comment really hit home for me coz I too am a co dependant. I latch onto people very easily and try too damn hard and I end up putting other peoples feelings before myself. You are not alone Simon

[@emb6194]

Thanks Kristina, I'm dealing with a fall out from my mother in law regarding a boundary I put in place with a family member in the workplace. The boundary was done calmly, with clarity, with HR advice and approval. I called someone on out their bullying, aggressive and intimidating behaviour. My MIL and I had a beautiful and very close relationship, I have now been severed from her life (no exaggeration!) She does not want to listen to the facts or the truth, and recently texted to say she won't be attending our wedding.. It's been hugely traumatic, stuck in a fog of cloudy negative thoughts, fighting feelings of shame and "if only". I do not regret addressing the work issue, but I did NOT think in a million years this would have been the cost of it. This video (and others of yours) will hopefully start to clear my mind and aid in my clarity in dealing with things. I used to be so confident and calm and kind, this whirlwind of kickback aggression, loss and judgement is so harsh(!) Thank you for your videos, they really do help x

[@zakiamwoma4647]

My past,right from childhood,is full of painful memories. It is a PTSD. I can say I am simply consumed. I listen to your videos and most of them touch on my past;boundary settings,estrangement,resentment,abuse,rejection,extreme gas lighting.......

[@tomtbi]

The shame story gets me every time too!!

[@clairelaskey5592]

Ruminating on it all is hard to stop yes. Especially for people who’ve been abused. Seeing a parent who abused me is difficult. See her less now. I learnt to guard my heard and not trust in 2 seconds. Big life lessons. Taught me set boundaries for others daily if need be.

[@paradiseb5950]

Omg someone who actually knows what she’s talking about. Huge like i watched alot of videos this one doesn’t sugarcoat anything-straight to the core♥️

[@Babs25]

Old person here on a desktop! Letting go has been an on going struggle.

[@lylahboling6383]

I wake up some times with my mind rolling at full blast, it's a new day but my mind is working on what I have said or done OR something someone else has done. I try to just keep going and think of positive things. I struggle DAILY... I listen to your advice and share it and listen again and again. All of this stuff shows up and still I have thoughts that run on my wheel inside this head of mine.

[@lttlod1]

Same! Sometimes I feel like I'm on some OCD spectrum with all of the constant rumination. It's a daily battle that's exhausting. I feel you

[@victoriastallard]

@Lylah Boling Me too, & I feel you too.

[@victoriastallard]

@Mypinkbike Exactly me too & how hard it is.

[@Eylrid]

This is the exact video I need right now. I had a painful event a few months ago that drove a friend away that I keep thinking about. Every morning when I wake up that's where my brain goes first. Usually I move on to thinking of other things as I go about my day, but today was especially bad and I really dug in to what I would have done differently and what I want to say to that friend and can't. What you said about grieving a loss is spot on. It hurts like hell, but I can't change the past. Thank you for making this video.

[@marceloperez81]

"We can create the meaning" to help us grow. Beautiful. I love your words, Julia Kristina. I am a huge fan of yours. Please keep helping people.

[@juliakristinamah]

Really glad you're here - and really glad you found this helpful. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[@JohnM...]

Letting go of someone right now; I blame myself for deluding myself that she cared for me. Realising she doesn't was like being run over by a juggernaut.

[@brianlindsay1386]

Thanks Julia. I have been trying to get past the suicide of my son for 2 years. Blame, blame, blame, those cloudy thoughts fill my day. I will use your advice to try and clear my mind.

[@nascarjulie8]

Iam so sorry Brian.

[@zaz4jaz]

I am so sorry Brian. That’s so sad. Some things happen that are out of your control, and even you couldn’t have prevented it. Please heal you must be going through enough pain losing your son. Prayers

[@Habu2]

Good luck Brian.....hoping you steer through the pain.

[@MrKaterman]

Watching on my desktop! Great to see Julia in all her glory on a beautiful 27" screen.

[@Rob9mm]

Me too. got a 32" (3D mechanical design work)

[@melyndafrazer1962]

Julia, this is so helpful for me … I’m in cloudy pain , wishing I had done something different, and punishing myself for what I did, impossible for me to change what happened, shame , guilt, regret as bow I’m estranged from my two grown boys. If I punish myself it would it would fix it. I know that is not helpful nor realistic thinking. I have done clean pain sometimes and I do feel better, yet I revert so easily when I see my boys from a distance as I cannot approach them per their boundaries. Not clean and classy thoughts yet but it’s time to stay there more often. Thank you for this video… ❤️ I’m a shifter since about July 2021

[@incredibleletdownman8094]

Your content is addicting. I’ve never used KZbin to look into my own mental health. I won’t self diagnose myself like I see a lot of people do because I don’t know what is wrong with me but I know it stems from insecurities. This content is really helpful.

[@lttlod1]

This is super helpful I'm going to have to watch this video a few times. The shame spiral is very real and difficult to get out of. I go straight to the cloudy thoughts and dig right in. It's so hard to trust myself and what I believe to be true about me. You mentioned playing the story over and over in your head and trying to change it....I should have done this or not done this or not said that or spoken up. Those get me good and are very difficult to break free from. For some reason my brain thinks I can go back in time and change words and behaviors lol. Being ok with what is and what transpired is the hardest part.

[@juliakristinamah]

You're not alone in this - it does take intention and practice to break the cycle, but I know you can do it.

[@enriquecallender5368]

This information is so awsome,for some reason thinking of the past brings shame but i really shouldnt think of it that way or feel that way but should just look at it as lessons learned and keep moving foward in life.

[@hp2546]

We all make mistakes that we are not proud of. So yes, I agree with your statement.

[@littlekronk5244]

Your videos have been so helpful for me at this stage in my life. Thank you for all the effort you put into them. You’re improving lives.

[@juliakristinamah]

Thanks for watching - and for letting me guide you on your journey.

[@victoriastallard]

Thank you so much Julia Kristina I really needed this because I have so much lingering Cloudy Pain that I spend so much time on because of a Trauma I went through & did & allowed to happen when I didn't want to but I let it happen because I was in so much pain, I had anger, resentment, & it has truly hurt me & made me feel like utter crap and so very bad, that i have just been letting it define me rather than letting it develop me, so now after having watched & listened to this video twice I am going to start practicing putting my thoughts into Clean pain instead of Cloudy pain, so again a very awesome, beautiful & needed video for me to watch, listen to & learn from so I can also start loving myself more rather than hating myself & constantly punishing myself due to constant thoughts of Cloudy Pain invading my daily life, I have been a very big fan of yours for 3 years now & find your videos so very helpful for me and at one point in the near future I really hope & pray 🙏 🙏 I can & will finally be able to become part of your shift society, rather than just coming here to listen & watch you, or going to your Facebook group which I also really like too.

[@thenebraskan6977]

Julia , the presence is awesome as long as we YOU!!🙏👍.

[@MrKaterman]

Julia, I've watched many of your videos, and this one really hit home. One of your best. Thank you for being you and providing this amazing advise to those like myself who need it. Much love and respect.

[@Rastasoul1]

I can’t thank you enough ! I can’t tell you how helpful your videos are how needed they are! I mean I just yeah… you hit the nail on the head and honestly am so grateful to have found your videos!!

[@cristinadiaz6414]

Julia, this is such an important video. Thank you so much for covering this subject. It is in my top 3 of any of your videos and possibly #1. Amazing. Thank you for making yourself and your knowledge and your skills available to anyone who might need them through your videos

[@ald4805]

I cannot thank you enough for your videos. Your insights are clear and constructive and cannot wait to practice what you teach. From the bottom of my heart thank you Julia 💜

[@marieraphael1745]

You just put in words what i am experiencing! Thank you. It is enlightening 👍

[@juliakristinamah]

Really glad it connected Marie.

[@chrissamson6171]

Hi Julia, I have been following your page for a few weeks now :). What a massive help you have been. I hit your page a right time with lots over hanging me at a stuck point, already in a few weeks I feel completely different. Thank you so much for sharing 😀❤️

[@ron_r]

Hi Julia! I'm using a desktop computer and I love it!!😊 The terms you defined cloud pain and clear pain make so much sense and describe so clearly what is going on in my brain. As always your videos seem right on time and so relevant for me. Thank you so much!! 🌹

[@MiaChase555]

It is so clear that you have a shift society. This video really has shifted my mind. Thank you. To create a shame story for what has happened makes so much sense. Your so good at what you have dedicated yourself too. That's so hard to find, once again amazing. Thank you.

[@lisafarmer7909]

Thank you for this content so many people tell you to just let go and move on but nobody teaches you how to do that.

[@JRLee-ms9xl]

Thank you. You are the first person to talk about this in a way that understand thank you

[@babylovewilliams6918]

I loved this! So much of what I needed to hear! Thank you!

[@carbenyos]

Life-changing principles and advice! Thank you so much for your generosity for these free videos.

[@mamabear5488]

As always, something I always need to hear. Thank you💞🌷

[@juliakristinamah]

As always, it's great to have you here 😉

[@godzillamanstreb524]

Thank you Julia😊💖

[@ellae6045]

Thank you!!! These are amazing videos! I have learned so much. I have been struggling for years to get past my traumatic childhood… and been going through therapy as well but this video explains it so well and helps a lot!!

[@sarinalight1498]

Thank you for helping.

[@markparadie4401]

I always look forward to your videos! And as crazy as it sounds I always hope it’s not less than 20 minutes you have such good information. :)

[@juliakristinamah]

Aw, thanks Mark. Apparently I'm breaking all of the unspoken youtube content "rules" by going over the suggested 7-10 min time limit, but that''s just not how I roll 😉

[@frankharris4694]

Forgiveness (that makes a big difference).

[@NoSleepFromBrooklyn]

you are fantastic, thank you for making this videos available!!!!

[@Fish1924]

I wish I would have known about you earlier. It’s like having a 1:1 therapist in these difficult times. So many struggles I’m going through and just put myself on the waitlist.

[@jeremywebster5432]

Yes! I have a desktop computer. It's got a lovely 32" ultrawide screen which is perfect for gaming and very useful when I'm working with MS Word or MS Excel. My cell phone just doesn't have the same utility with those programs, especially when doing spreadsheets. I love both devices and each have their own niche in my life.

[@JillLee-ns8hb]

Thankyou Julia. Your talks are helping me so much.

[@youtubeaddict5663]

I feel so emotional writing this right now but I cannot tell you how truly grateful I am for you being on this platform. I watched a video of yours sometime last year and had to scour through my YT history to try and find you again lmao. I'm going through something right now which has knocked me for 6 and just knewwww that I needed to find you again (and now I have done the smart thing and subscribed to your channel, LOL). I've written down soooo many notes after watching your video and I'm determined to practice these steps so that I can continue to develop myself. Thank you for actually sharing some practical and easy tips for me to use. GOD BLESS YOU

[@nataliehalford8096]

This is frigging fantastic!!!!

[@russmelgar5353]

Good stuff Julia . Thanks for techniques in dealing from the past.

[@Atlantis.Reborn]

Thank-you for your advice

[@claireiveson3350]

So helpful and clearly explained, thank you.

[@dl5054]

Good morning Julia, always good to hear from you. It’s a good day... so far

[@juliakristinamah]

Really glad to hear it - thanks for watching!

[@MaureenWHamblin]

Your videos really help me so much! Thank you Julia! Xx

[@junaidmaniyar421]

Helio 🙂. Recently joined your channel and I am so thankful to you for amazing content. So relatable and understanding.

[@economadic2103]

This video.... I needed this today. Thank you

[@eichebaum5139]

wow Kathy! I like what you have to say!!!! I already feel helped by this video alone. I'll dig into the others as well. Thank you, for sharing your knowledge. God bless you.

[@SweetStevieAaron]

Thanks for this.

[@fonsilvers]

Thank you for the concept of clean pain. I realize everyone has pain. No one escapes pain in this world. Clean pain means we can experience inevitable pain without letting it define us. Thank you

[@mariarichards5221]

thankyou, down to earth practical..🙏🌹❤🕊

[@merryhoppes4246]

I always feel like a small part of my brain is in shock and will always be. Thank you for this post! I really liked it!

[@essc8400]

Gracias Julia por tu ayuda

[@zoroe]

Thank you so much

[@ssuper42]

Thank you...

[@Zharkan16]

Thank you

[@jenniferbyrne2980]

Thank You.

[@flowerbloom5782]

Thank you for this

[@louiskelemen8867]

Thank you! It's been sometimes since, but today you gave me some new insights.

[@marshhawk730]

thank you for this

[@askban9318]

Mis, thank you very much for valuable ideas

[@mikeysimoneaux6267]

This has opened my eyes and helped me thank you

[@evemarkus]

Thank you! Was looking for guidance on how to learn from my past and how to let go. I feel this has helped. 🙏

[@johnykryll]

Brilliant advice and guidance

[@goliathmoke1731]

Thank you so much for helping me to develop from my past, present, and future clean and clear pain situations, experience, thought & emotions, in order to develop a better version of myself.

[@jacedjohnson3541]

Also gotta say this video is helping me immensely.

[@johnnyhensler]

Thank You For Sharing ❤️ 😢

[@EnjoyingYourLifeWithJesus]

Hey from Long Island, NY! I am learning to let go of the past. And people that have controlled me. God is opening my eyes, to Truth & the truth of who I am. I am in control of my life!

[@cynthiagondwe1495]

Thank you very much,,, it was the cloudy pain that was killing me✊

[@nathanboskoski]

Thank you so much! Your awesome

[@pamelabarrell3153]

Wowwww!! Great video !! 💡💡💡💡💡

[@billmartz4290]

Hello. My first time here. I’m in N.E. Oklahoma. 70 year old male. I struggle letting go. I encourage others to let the past be just that and move forward but I don’t take my own advice. I pray for guidance but I want instant results when I know it takes time. Cheers!

[@dalejoreye839]

Thank you 😊

[@devil_pls]

thank you so much for this amazing video! It really helped me. I'm going through a rough time right now

[@RavenMadd9]

thank you

[@tamarafox429]

Hello and thanks 😊

[@lisafernandez5829]

Hello! My name is Lisa and I love your great advice. It helps me a lot.

[@emmajarvis8807]

I am currently severely 'stuck'. And I am so tired of feeling miserable all the time...

[@lenaleong4894]

Thank u much appreciated

[@tamarafox429]

Great one Julia 👌 👍

[@danielboucher9819]

Wow great vidéo Mrs Kristina thank's for shearing have a nice day

[@fidaasaber9344]

Thank you, it's great, I like it very much, I will try it from today

[@tomtbi]

The wouldas,couldas and shouldas get me every time!

[@kvhowells]

this is helpful....I struggle with thinking about the positive past too.....that its not that way anymore today.....not that today is bad...its just different.

[@gen8878]

Hello,.. Didn't watch this video yet, but just seeing you with a new vlog, lesson, therapy, masterpiece whatever 💁 it's really good for me,.. Wish you all the best, best Julia,.. Thank you ♥,..

[@juliejohnson4641]

I am the worst with overthinking. I keep repeating an argument which I know accomplishes nothing.