How to make a narcissist earn your forgiveness (NO CHECKLISTS)

Why you should NEVER give a narcissist a checklist on how to make things better. Because they will just go down the list and do the things necessary without actually WANTING to do them. They aren't children.
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Welcome my channel! If this is your first time seeing my face or hearing my voice, my name is Lee and I am a self aware narcissist. I have narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ) and I've been in therapy for my personality disorder since 2017 and it has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything.
The point of these videos is to help bring awareness from the other side of the narcissistic *buse spectrum. All my videos give perspective on why many narcissists do what they do and the possible different reasons behind them. The victims and survivors get validation and the Narcissists (those that are willing) get to see that you can get help and that you are not alone.
Website - www.mentalhealness.net
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Thank you so much

[@meganengland3252]

I told my mom the only way she could communicate with me was through letters that are approved by and sent directly from her therapist. It never came. It was a perfectly pre-planned reverse discard.

[@Wytch_Hunter]

Great idea! Did she even have a therapist?

[@gracerules2423]

Well played. Love 💕 it.

[@elsh332]

Nice job 😂 will be borrowing this idea! Thank you for sharing ❤

[@babydii3487]

Brilliant 💯💯💯

[@TheCortes206]

My narc: "I'll do anything" "What else do you want me to do?" "I've done everything I could" "Nothing I do is enough" "How long do I have to wait?"

[@josievaccaro]

Same... so, I guess what is left for the NARC is to get lost

[@elsh332]

We must been seeing the same person 😂

[@sakidevi7329]

@@TheCortes206 Do narcs have a secret club where they huddle together and come up with responses ?

[@EmmaHoussein]

I wish I had more self respect and knowledge 3 years ago when I was literally begging my narc to treat me like they actually wanted me. I would just forgive over and over again to the point where they didn’t even bother to try lying to get back in. He knew I wouldn’t leave. I was a straight up doormat. For years. I had NO IDEA what narcissism was I thought I was just not being good enough or not living up. HE would cheat and then go no contact on ME and I would chase him and text him incessantly and just felt like I was going to die. If only I knew what I was doing 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@Baconmissfit]

Hugs. I'm proud of you for getting free.

[@tjtanner9311]

Damn, we were all naive at some point

[@pennylou4270]

I like your content, but sometimes what I hear is so triggering and emotionally draining. They are so pathetic and should be forgiven just for ones own sanity,but Lord knows when you do this for literally your whole life like I did.It's almost like they have taken your very soul. SMH

[@brightpage1020]

So sorry you went through this. And glad you are understanding now. There are some great resources out there on the internet and some not so great. So you have plenty of options to learn more. The fact that he went no contact and you contacted him "incessantly" shows that you weren't willing to respect his boundaries either. It was more about control over his decisions than the relationship with could be about relating to each other if not for narcissism... Part of long term side effects is we can ourselves become more narcissistic to cope. The fact that you have the insight to reflect on his behavior - but especially your own - and you know now that the way you incessantly texted during that time was unhealthy - shows that you are both willing and capable of introspection necessary for real change - something narcs don't have the ability or willingness to do. What I mean is, sounds like you are on a positive trajectory to healthier relationships. Especially the relationship you have with yourself. You are valuable and worthy of respect. You shouldn't have to explain that to anyone. If they don't recognize your inherent value, let that be their loss rather than trying to proverbially beat them over the head with it. If they don't see you as worthy of loyalty, fidelity, respect - that says more about their character than yours. I hope you never have children with any of these characters. The more you learn before you do, the easier these people are to recognize early - their habits of steamrolling any boundary or decision you make. Even small ones - where to eat for supper - no matter what choice you make, you are wrong. For them. Is wrong. For them. You lay out a boundary, and they sneak around it through giving you a guilt trio or see how far they can push last it - over and over every single time? That's a good clue. They ask you a question and immediately interrupt your answer soon as your life are moving to switch subjects? Every single time you interact? This is not the person for you. Not bad on you. I'm a writer and each reader or audience is different. Sometimes one story falls flat on one audience but brings understanding laughter or joy to others. Same story - different audience. Find you people like I need to find my audience. I know a KZbin - not about narcissism - she is legitimately a published author many times over, she has a thriving public motivational speaking business... Even though her voice grates on a lot of people's last nerve. She sounds like a chipmunk. For real. Her voice is not for everybody's ears 👂. Some folks are really irritated by it. My husband and daughter can't listen to it. But it doesn't bother my ears a bit. I think it's kind of funny and makes her seem more approachable. She has fun with it. The fact that a lot (and I mean A LOT) of people do not like her content because of that voice hasn't stopped her from becoming a millionaire off the people who benefit from her content and attitude about life. She find her people. The wrong ones will be irritated by her and they can move along. She does not wish them any ill will. Because she knows the right one's keep coming back to eat up her next book or take her next leadership course or whatever she has to offer. The ones who like her love her. Find your audience, your reader. Find what it is about you that makes you feel like you sparkle or shine, and then start showing that to the world. The one's who agree will come forward and the one's who throw dirt on your diamonds you will recognize clearly and can back away from, slowly ;o)

[@resilient8788]

You are stronger and wiser now. We are victors, not victims. You got this.😊

[@Jahtutson]

I believe in forgiveness! I ALSO believe in blocking, ignoring, not responding, complete no contact equally. They will never change, but forgive them for being so pathetic and immature and keep it moving!!! Let go of that anger ("forgiveness/acceptance") and move on in peace.

[@brightpage1020]

Love this - we can forgive from a safe distance. Forgiveness doesn't have to mean reconciliation.

[@brightpage1020]

Lee, you really are people's "favorite narcissist". Because you're not theirs. 😂 Nah, for real - you make something that feels so glum to live seem genuinely funny. And remind us to have a sense of humor about ourselves.

[@Mrs.smitty]

“ Baby Im trying to do what you ask of me but you know sh@t never changes overnight”🤨

[@RachelStark-vs3dp]

Leopard doesn’t change his spots 😊😊😊

[@MentalHealness]

😶

[@the.toxic.phoenix]

Your nervous system does become addicted to the trauma bond for sure. It's not like a "Normal" break up, you're not just heart broken, you're in withdrawal from the trauma bond, and in constant wheel of doubt from the cognitive dissonance trying to assert itself again. I'm over 2 years free, and well on the healing journey, but it has been hard work, and it was a really long marriage, with an abusive childhood, so a lot to unpack and reprogram. Healing is deff a roller coaster too, set backs from going through family court, police investigation, divorce court, etc

[@dawnmarieperez6349]

Shes always over stepped my boundaries ive told her stop texting all day long and calling still did it, came to my building the list goes on!!! These people are totally toxic!!!:its all about what they want!!! Its all about power and controll!!! Take your power back!!! It kills them!!!

[@jessicatorres2763]

Sometimes checklist items and boundaries become "unrealistic" to them and they question it because they can't and won't do the work.

[@Jahtutson]

They CAN. They choose not to.

[@GregoryBruce-h4w]

True words: I gave mine a checklist. Go to rehab and take the mental meds the doctor's described for him. He's not going to do it because he sees nothing wrong with what he does. He won't be calling me anymore. So far, 2 months, he hasn't called me. My life is so peaceful ✌️

[@MentalHealness]

🙌🏾

[@yvonnethomas1913]

18 yrs of suffering, I knew something was wrong with him I didn’t know what until I heard you & I kept listening cause I saw him like looking at the man in the mirror. Thank u

[@Mrs.smitty]

I need you to be my friend Yvonne

[@yvonnethomas1913]

Sounds like you are going through something.

[@brookeplifts]

My ex would always say “just tell me what to say” when I wouldn’t accept his bs as hell fake apologies. He really didn’t hear how manipulative and emotionally stunted that sentence sounded which still floors me…

[@MentalHealness]

😮‍💨😮‍💨

[@jaialaiwarrior]

That's the same one I heard.

[@the.toxic.phoenix]

My nex KNEW the things he needed to do - respect me, be kind to me and the kids, do his share with the house and kids, etc - because I asked him a hundred times!! He'd be nice for a while, then go back to being awful. He knew. He'd block the door or follow me around when I asked for a break from the argument and he'd kept going for hours until I gave in...

[@michellehendrickson9652]

They CAN'T POINT BLANK PERIOD!! THEY ATE NOT STUPID

[@Gal1982]

That sounds like what Tony Gaskins says. I listen to his videos also. 🙂

[@jamessimpson6487]

a narcissist asked me for the checklist and then gaslighted me on every single point and didnt do anything differently fake or real. and if i include ''i won't to be able to express myself and mention when you have upset me'' i got back, OH CAN I DO THAT TOO?! as if they don't express themselves all the time. and every time i mention anything at all small or big concerning them that bothers me all i would get is gaslighting and avoidance. even fingers in ears level stuff, full on 3 year old level.

[@paradiseacres9724]

You had me cracking up all the way to work!! 😂🤣😭💀 👏🏼Keep.👏🏼Preachin'.👏🏼Those.👏🏼Facts. Thanks Lee!

[@MentalHealness]

😂😂😂

[@VickiChapmanLLC]

He gave me a checklist! All the things he would do to improve the relationship. Never followed through on anything.

[@JenYin.]

They will future fake to get what they want…

[@resilient8788]

They don't care about our forgiveness because it's all our fault ... every precieved slight. Lol We have to forgive for ourselves, for our own health and peace of mind. They are their own worst enemies.

[@crystalball3717]

I gave a checklist and it was brought up numerous times throughout the years. For him, the checklist was too daunting and insurmountable. He would only do a couple of things on the list consistently, but aside from that, he brought it up constantly. Since we have been together for so many years, I made a long list of 57 things chock full from the most minute things like say good morning to me when you wake up, to deeper things like how to comfort me if I’m crying or sad. I never lived that list down. He made a list of three things and harped on how I could not get those three things right.

[@WaterBug46]

I forgave but he’ll never know. It was for me. No way I’d give him bullets to shoot me with. My boundaries are still a hard set and I have no desire for any more contact than is absolutely required.

[@Patricia_Stewart337]

This is where I was at just now. I had a reconsideration if we COULD get together. It WASN’T impossible, as I thought. I went to REACH OUT. Just now! And, he had BLOCKED ME! Blocked fresh today! Guess what: I was going to explain. Offer a CHECKLIST of my actual reservations ( not what the psychic lady told me Sunday!) I guess he was the PROJECT that got away.

[@MentalHealness]

💯‼️

[@the.toxic.phoenix]

They also take that checklist into their next relationship to prolong the relationship

[@psmith990]

Remember, not everyone deserves to be forgiven!

[@melissaconner9440]

Thank God I saw this just now! I was about to do this, OMG! Thank you so much!!!🤦

[@the.toxic.phoenix]

In a therapy session, we each wrote 3 things we wanted the other to improve. I worked on all 3, he did NOTHING and when I finally ended it, he said "well did you think there was maybe more than 3 things you needed to do?" 😳😂 I did everything bar wipe his arse, to the point my physical and mental health was in the gutter by the time I was finally done 😒

[@penguin4181]

Breaking the trauma bond is essential. Without doing that it could continue indefinitely… I’ve heard of people many years later still stuck on their nex

[@Jahtutson]

I'm trying to figure out if I'm trauma bounded to my mom. I set boundaries and she's not happy about that, but she has cancer and no one else to care for her. Hummm?

[@penguin4181]

@@Jahtutson trauma bonded from what i understand is formed from constant unpredictable, inconsistent connection and withdrawal of the connection. Their small actions start to become very important to us and enough for us to stay. Ex. withholds affections until a TINY thing they do, then you regulate and feel connected.

[@Jahtutson]

@@penguin4181 Thank you. I guess everything is complicated. I'm sure part is trauma bond, part is my commitment made because of her illness before I understood what I was dealing with, and part is habit of being around her since I have no other family I'm "comfortable enough" being around.

[@RachelStark-vs3dp]

Write things down I can’t stress it enough. I started writing I looked back in it and wow 🤦‍♀️ I forgot bout a things that happened but bc I wrote it I remember now and it’ll help you stay away write down what they’ve done it’ll take a min maybe months just do it and see

[@MentalHealness]

💯

[@sashaisaac-young9183]

You make healing fun 😁

[@MentalHealness]

🙏🏽🙌🏾

[@therollingstone9701]

Lee is a cool dude. Makes narcissistic tricks simple to understand. Friendly style with good sense of humor. His videos are always an interesting watch 👍

[@MentalHealness]

No doubt

[@antonioarmando1938]

So a few months ago I decided to go into a hate and ignore battle with a female narc. She folded after 5 months. Did not expect it. My response will continue.

[@dawnmarieperez6349]

I told her unless you get a pysch evaluation , meds and therapy and your daughter would have to confirm it that's the only way and it would take time I would have to how you do!!! What she cursed me out and told me to go blank myself!!! I told her if you loved me you would!!! And still nothing!!! Yup Lee your right!!!

[@ChokmahIsrael]

I told her the same thing and nothing till this day

[@RachelStark-vs3dp]

I love how you play tha characters lol 😂 you make it sound understandable thank you 😊 hell they gon take advantage of y’all 😂 tha truth I love it

[@MentalHealness]

😂

[@bernviktum]

The neck scratching is real!

[@MentalHealness]

‼️

[@elsh332]

Im about to put my foot down with my own child. She has broken me down so bad I was fighting suicidal thoughts this morning because of how bad the abuse and pain have been hitting me. Im expecting at least 6 months straight of being treated with basic dignity, or I'm out.

[@MentalHealness]

protect your peace

[@augustineschaefer5522]

Love and light from arms length. Good grief he can go be lazy with his life over there. I’ve got things to do.

[@zenamichelleprincezeemiche4729]

No comment cheating No looking at video Based on Your Teaching: The Person will never earn forgiveness, only a few with Therapy who cannot outsmart the Therapist. Now I'll listen to the video and read comments to see if I learned.

[@cwalker6911]

Not a crumb of booty 😆 Lee you’re too funny

[@diamondonpurpose9145]

Best behavior 😳?! When 🤣👀🤔?

[@leanneharrison6368]

You are so funny I hav3 today besides all the great info which I'm very thankful for ..im grieving so bad and keep catching myself wanting to unblock messenger but I'm staying strong ahgggg... he gets no cheesiest from me lao!!!❤😂😢😢

[@MozblackMozenge]

No checklist cos they are going to manipulate you with it anyway…. How about they should want to get better by themselves, get help etc and you not caring anyway…no contact…forget them …..get better yourself

[@ChokmahIsrael]

Lee- the way I just got triggered when you said the "I think we should talk" bit. BRO 😅

[@resilient8788]

You're hilarious, good video. They always have other " cheeks " (supply line up). Ain't nobody worth getting the nasty over. If you take them back you'll be treated worse. A hoover is not a compliment. If you chase them they feed off that. Not everyone deserves a seat at your table of life.

[@alethiasingleton3109]

Thanks!

[@MentalHealness]

you’re welcome

[@yvonnethomas1913]

Love it when u say cheeks ….. so🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@naomipriest6925]

Yessss right 😂😂😂😂😂🤭

[@gaylekemper4543]

I’ve been dealing with mine off and on for 35 years still door mat, but this time he blindsided me with I’m gonna move in with an old girlfriend, in another state, WHAT… how could I now ever go back to this…I’m trying, but still think of him all the time. We are still talking as friends, but deep down I don’t want him to go.

[@jenster29]

Let him go. He ain't no friend either. So what if you're thinking of him... let him go!!!!!

[@teyonna3844]

You’re damage just like him! Let him go & heal! I promise soon as you heal you will not want him back! Trust me I know🫶🏽

[@11Nashie]

I've thrown away all checklists and desires. Pointless...

[@josievaccaro]

My ex has said exactly what Lee has said and trodded all over my boundaries. My response was simple and one (followed by a flurry of messages which I did not respond to): there is nothing to talk about. There might have also been an: you know the difference between right and wrong... I guess that one was for me

[@MentalHealness]

🫣

[@RachelStark-vs3dp]

Tha mind it’s a terrible thing to waste fr fr fr

[@MentalHealness]

💯

[@sophistiq8ted]

I gave a checklist and that's literally all he did....

[@emmajackson5139]

Crumb of buns 😂😂😂

[@sarahsamuels9088]

So I have this man(my ex of 19 yrs ago) who's been observing me for almost 2 yrs for marriage. God has shown me that he's my husband-to-be but I'm concerned becoz iv been struggling financially for a while now and this man has been watching me struggle with eczema and just with getting by in life. I feel traumatized that he watches me suffer. Iv told him how this makes me feel but he's just ignoring me. I'm aware that he's gonna propose to me soon and probably buy me a car and a house(coz he's rich) but I'm concerned that he's ignoring my pain. Pls give me ur professional opinion Lee

[@leanneharrison6368]

For me after listening to this is im done and he can't ever talk to me again he makes me sick to my stomach he's I think a narcissist sex addict however it's funny he can't keep up with me in that section at all! And yet he's m stud muffin with others lmao good luck here's my Chek list I'm saying my cheeks for a man that earns it period

[@ronilevy417]

❤❤❤

[@MentalHealness]

♥️

[@RachelStark-vs3dp]

Lmao 😂😂😂 let me fix it 😂😂😂

[@MentalHealness]

😂😂

[@crystalball3717]

Lol. No he didn’t tell you to forgive. 😂

[@MentalHealness]

😂

[@_YohAsakura_]

Funny thing g is they tell me by putting a video , I ha e to forgive but what's the point they'll never change for shit

[@MentalHealness]

😶

[@latricehankerson3777]

Let’s keep it hot 🥵 🤣🤣🤣

[@latashahumphrey769]

O wow

[@cletiawilliams1436]

💯💯🤣

[@MentalHealness]

💯💯

[@RachelStark-vs3dp]

You forgive for yourself they don’t get that. 🤦‍♀️ my ex said thank you for forgiving him that makes him feel better 😮. What i hurry up and said that’s not for you saying what you did was not ok why why why sooo stupid wth 🤦‍♀️ wake up use your brain.

[@ChokmahIsrael]

The way you keep saying things and i keep getting triggered dude- it's like as you say certain excuses your voice is replaced by hers. I think I have PTSD 🙃

[@RachelWhite-c8i]

It’s pointless

[@MentalHealness]

💯💯

[@christafisher8533]

Well..Thankfully you know now Emma. Healing is essential🩷