How to not care what people think

[@joshuazane3210]

Honestly, the biggest thing for me was realizing how little other people actually thought about me at all. That might sound like a downer, but it was actually really freeing for me.

[@robertfrate9738]

Hi, exactly!

[@AxxLAfriku]

whyd you have to go and make things so complicated? i see the way youre acting like youre somebody else. gets me frustrated. simply admit that i am the funniest and greatest and sm*rtest and coolest and strongest yout*ber of all time! admit it, dear jo

[@diaryofadreamer6970]

SAME. there was a group of girls I was friends with when I was 14 and as an adult I reached out to one and she DIDNT REMEMBER ME OR THE OTHER GIRLS. It was a huge eye opener that I was memorializing people when I shouldn't be. That I needed to focus on building current relationships with people who valued me.

[@melitta222]

But the question is why do people live in MY head rent free🥺😞

[@joshuazane3210]

@@melitta222 Because you let them. 🤷‍♀️

[@candicefaithv]

"I don't like you because you overshare online" ..."well that's because you desperately want to put yourself out there but you're terrified" oof felt that one

[@ElleVisTutorials]

Same here that really hit me hard 😫

[@melisacaceres8740]

Same 😂

[@gsiya4023]

See i never want to overshare online because it can be dangerous I tell people close to me not to do that so they'll be safe too but they also can do whatever they want.

[@isaacturner199]

@@gsiya4023 yea, this was kind of my thought. Usually tho if I think someone's "oversharing" it's because they're being tacky with what they're sharing and makes me not trust them with my business/info.

[@ashantiberenice5798]

@@isaacturner199 exactly!! i had a friend who overshares a lot especially when it is a gossip. i usually have a hard time trusting him with a secret or a problen

[@bosgotnojams]

Projecting is so true. It's annoying how when someone asks you something and you answer them and they'd proceed to not believe that you're telling the truth, like tf just because you're a liar doesn't mean I'm a liar too. ಠ_ಠ

[@jeffreylundin4716]

everybody's a liar

[@_SomyaY]

@@jeffreylundin4716 well...thats true, but that dont mean everyones lying all the time. Be aware that people might lie, but dont lie unless necessary cuz youll probs lie to yourself too then.

[@itsthelittlethings9939]

Some might trust issues you know

[@seasons1146]

Maybe they have trust issues and needs a bit reassurance

[@virginialiao2850]

It's incredibly annoying when people do that. You're absolutely right! And some people even think they're psychic and certain of their projection is true.

[@ElleVisTutorials]

"You desperately want to put yourself out there but you're terrified" OHMYGOODNESS THIS WAS SO ACCURATE!?!?!!? Like for years I've developed some sort of animosity for peers who "overshare" online but the truth is, I was just envious because I could never do that as an overthinker and I'm jus too shy to function and scared of what people will think of me 😭 😫

[@luciayuan7567]

My thoughts exactly!

[@franciscaribeiro949]

Saaame

[@pythonjava6228]

Personally I just think people telling their personal business online is just annoying. I have no problem opening up in offline settings

[@xsitied2708]

literally same

[@mollusckscramp4124]

Anna Akana is woke af. I'm currently going through leaving a toxic friendship and this is one of the most emotionally piercing videos of hers I have ever seen. It's the first time this week I haven't felt like blaming myself for how things unfolded, thanks you AA! ❤

[@elenakawa6450]

well therapy really helps you to be ngl, you become aware of many many things you couldn't see/didn't know before

[@MLIrons]

I don't know. There are a lot of people who spit a lot of good words. But, it is not until you yourself test those words do you find if they fit or not.

[@jaymurphy6268]

While I do think its important to not care what *everyone* thinks of us -- a lot of people in the modern day world aren't out of the survival mode that Anna's talking about. Community, and having folks who support you, is still extremely important to a lot of folks well-being! Being kind to others (and becoming liked by extension, at least, in my experience!) is the only reason I've been able to be still standing today. When you don't have the resources (financial or otherwise!) or ability (I personally am disabled!) to be "independent", or, as Anna says, "mostly live in isolation", having a community to fall back on can and will save your life. So yes, its absolutely important to learn to balance a need to be liked with speaking your truth -- you can't be liked by everyone, and trying to be will not help anyone's situation! But it's also not a "useless leftover evolutionary drive" for a lot of people -- community, and being liked by those in your community, is still a life saving and an important survival mechanism for those without the privileged and resources to be considered self-sufficient. edit: a good specific example of this I have is, when I was a teenager, I would routinely take walk and take public transportation in less than ideal areas at night. By being genuine, loving, and kind to the folks I ran into in these areas (most of who were experiencing homelessness, and it was only by luck and chance that I had a place to live myself) -- they were also willing and often protected me from those who were potentially violent and predatory. On more than one occasion, folks I had run into before would step in to stop harassment before it escalated further, because they knew I would do the same for them. My kindness to others had made me liked by the community, and this probably saved my life. tl;dr: safety in numbers is still a very important survival mechanism for a lot of people, and being able to 100% not care about being liked in your community is a privilege not everybody has.

[@lamerdefleurs]

Great analysis, thanks for sharing

[@urockit2011]

Exactly! When she said the need to be liked is "useless" I was lie "wow I'm disagreeing with her for the first time." People liking me has been able to get me my degree and the job that I wanted when there were similarly qualified people. Yes, there is such a thing as a pathalogical need to be liked, but we all need to be accepted into some community to survive in today's increasingly global economy

[@ThaMobstarr]

I am definitely that person. I apologise quickly, even when I don‘t have to and I hate sensing that other people actively dislike me. I like to live in harmony. But I notice that this leads to people taking advantage of you and that even so called „friends“ may not treat you with respect.

[@Meghoowvve]

I feel that this really valid point can be used by manipulative people to say "you shouldn't feel bad about that, you're just projecting"

[@Faboostic]

For exemple: my mom is really talkative and it's bad with social clues, i really enjoy her company and i don't care for the fact that she's really clueless when it's just the both us, but there othere people around it makes me anxious and i would normally feel angry towards her, them i realized it's about me feeling insecure about other people not her, so it's really unfair to feel angry towards her, i still feel anxious and really dislike it, but i know it's about me, not her and i know i can't just be mean to her because of it because it's unfair, but it's still ok for me to feel anxious with her and a bit annoyed as long as i deal with these feelings in a healthy way. Does it makes sense?

[@hazytapes1179]

Hmmm i guess anna is talking about inherent qualities of a person rather than actions. You can dislike someone for being to opionionated or pretty and that would be projection, but when you dislike someone because of lying, cheating or being mean you dislike them because of their actions in that case.

[@user-mv1hv5ce3b]

@@Faboostic yess I get what you mean. but you also have to realize that other people are most likely not judging her anyways, because all of us are too self-centered and are thinking about us anyways

[@michellemah2674]

"I can embody the trait that I want - no one is actually stopping me from doing that except for myself." Needed to hear that.

[@sanchita-tu4fj]

Yes! I knew it! Their judgments are the projection of their ego, insecurities and a way in which they could hide their own deeds. Which also led me to realize that I'm the only one who's stopping myself from being what I want to be.

[@TheDSasterX]

Anna: *Complete package* Also Anna: Jealous of what other people have The rest of us: Do you want all of our bad!?

[@andrealewis2501]

🤣 I do kinda wonder what she's jelous of sometimes.

[@GoVocaloider]

I think there's a point to be made here that just like we think she is perfect and want what she has, because we are aware of our own shortcomings, she probably feels the same. She sees someone, thinks they are perfect and wants what they have, because she is aware of her own shortcomings. She is a human, capable of making mistakes and having flaws. She's not perfect, no matter how much it appears to us that she is perfect from the outside. Our ability to understand that *everyone* in life has some kind of dissatisfaction that they are dealing with, and be kind on that basis is what makes us compassionate.

[@TheDSasterX]

@@GoVocaloider look, all I'm saying is that Anna has been understanding, internalizing, and sharing so much of her therapy wisdom over the years that I can only assume she's in much better shape than the rest of us. Sure, nobody's perfect and every trait you embody comes with tradeoffs, but I'm fairly confident Anna is resting around the top of the crop whether she thinks so or not. She's assertive, driven, funny, smart, self-aware, ever-improving... The list goes on and most folks struggle to achieve maybe two of those. Her main flaw that I can see is also her greatest strength -- she's never satisfied with herself and that's an admirable trait to have as she'll just keep improving at her own behest instead of reinforcing her trauma and flaws or sheeping after others. In short: she's a role model and I respect her. Also she's drop dead gorgeous, so there's that.

[@canpy143]

Omg needed this so badly. Anna is a mind reader...!!

[@Agustina-bd9xz]

Same I've been treated myself poorly filed with self-doubt and comparing myself to others. I really needed to hear this.

[@tamag0212]

"i dont want to live with a couple of homo erectuses anyway" "you know we're Neanderthals!" I live for their big brain sarcastic banter!!!!! i luv u ladies 😭😭😭

[@savetheocean123xyz]

“consciousness is a leftover evolutionary trait” is a take i was not prepared for this morning

[@brendonlantz5972]

I feel like your channel is a hidden gem. I find it so entertaining and hillarious yet also thought provoking. I really think it helps people (including myself) grow and consider new ideas. I hope you're doing well and best of wishes Anna!

[@helpmereach45ksubswithoutvideo]

These videos always makes our days better

[@SHAMOYA]

You’re always such an inspiration, not only in the messages but also in the execution of the content you create!

[@flamingowilliams9664]

"When i see what I'm envious about, i can emobdy that trait that i want, nobody actually stopping me from doing that other than myself" ❤ GOLD!

[@tallasianchick]

Read the title and thought, "I am able to do this now... wow. What a journey." The world is ending, care about one another, don't be an asshole, fight the good fight, and die happy and satisfied.

[@Dyanahhhful]

You’re the older sister I always wished I had 🥺💗

[@lilithsdaughter3278]

Anna I can see your shift in mentality and philosophy of life, you seem more secure and your overall energy is just so different, in a good way of course. I love it. That “I can see through society’s bullshit and I’m not letting it take me down with it” vibe ur giving is so magnetic and as someone who has been following u for years, it makes me really happy to see the person you’ve become 💓

[@Ojuolape]

I guess as with most things in life, finding ✨balance✨ is key.

[@MsZephyra]

Yes, 💯% yes!!!

[@AliciaLGlenn]

Imagine if the urge to be liked wasn't the outdated evolutionary trait we often think it is. After all, we're wired to seek out communities for survival. What if it's the habit of negatively judging or criticizing others that's the real outdated survival strategy? We tend to judge things to gauge safety, and projection-blaming others for what we fear in ourselves-is a way to shield ourselves from perceived threats. What if we could recognize when we're judging someone and understand why we're doing it? It could help us uncover our own fears and defenses. Also, if we can recognize when someone else is judging, we can empathize with their need for security and safety. Thank you for your content! I am a huge fan!

[@authenticallytrish]

I think this is true from a friendship standpoint, but it seems that being liked definitely helps in MOST areas of life specifically relating to obtaining means for survival.

[@healthwealthharmony4113]

oofffffff the projectinggggg. Im so guilty of this - I'm happy that its something I've worked really hard on to improve but its totally wild when you can see it so clearly in other people.

[@zecare]

This is so true, most of the time people are not even thinking of you they a relating everything to themselves and projecting their own insecurities!

[@GadgetsGearCoffee]

I just learned this in one of my "Personal development school" CBT workshops (made a review of that course on my channel if anyone is curious) and this just refreshed my memory on it! Thanks

[@fortune_roses]

Thank you for shedding light on this... especially now when there is so much division being perpetuated

[@FuzzyStripetail]

According to pirate lore, Mr. Snuggles actually pioneered the prehistoric concept of putting an "X" on a map to signify the location of treasure instead of the much more accurate latitude and longitude values.

[@bcee6360]

Absolutely necessary!!

[@dianimkashung9935]

"When I came across people who didn't like me.. I can honestly say they were projecting". Talk about narcissism.

[@babyclayby]

I think another part of projecting is that often, people will project trauma or personal grievances upon people who have traits that are similar to or remind them of those who traumatized them. This can be from anything as simple as reminding someone of chores (in a casual, helpful way because the person is forgetful) while the person is reminded of their overbearing mother, to something like someone being similar in personality to someone they have trauma from in ways that aren’t negative, and even to something like identifying one behavior or situation in someone that is associated with your separate trauma, but then projecting the other behaviors or situations from that separate trauma onto that person when it doesn’t apply. I have recognized this pattern a lot in my healing process, especially after I’ve come so far in identifying it and being aware of it for myself, and then being able to compare it to people who haven’t done the work yet, which often reminds me of where I used to be too. Honestly, most people are just taking things personally themselves, and that’s at least part of why they lash out, push back, retaliate, and get defensive, which means it’s a personal problem of theirs and shouldn’t be taken personally in the end.

[@Lee-tl9xo]

Thank you Miss Anna for this. A free therapy session.

[@nikstar1313]

Wow “you also have a ton of feelings but you see sensitivity as a weakness”... thank you Anna, you rock xx

[@zhaklinvasileva3599]

I play your videos on background and i clean or cook it helps me with my depression and loneliness im suicidal and live alone thank you for your great content ure literally saving my life..

[@lu881]

Damn, you're right, as I'm thinking of the things that I dislike about people, I think of it as things I want to have in myself.

[@villababy8748]

This vid reminded me of what my old therapist would say. Other people are mirrors of ourselves

[@kikijewell2967]

And when someone accuses you of something confusing and totally off the wall...*definitely* projecting!

[@angieinthecity]

These skits are too good😂 Yeah I definitely disliked someone when i had lack of confidence in myself. I'm good now but looking back it was like yeesh girl, you're mad because at least they're out here living

[@chinoutu-boy2]

"The human brain is super complex and advanced." - The Human Brain ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

[@ariella75]

This is one of the best free therapy experience available on youtube 🙌💖 Love Ana so much

[@bestofluckareeba4305]

Everything else aside look at that bow top 😍😍😍

[@disa.v2365]

I've never thought about people projecting their fears and disabilites into dislike

[@breadncheeseplz8713]

That moment when you hear Anna say embody it for yourself but your like why would she want to be anyone else she's already freaking awesome

[@EmmyBoons]

This is exactly what I needed today 😭Thank you for the reminder. Our world is truly a reflection of how we see ourselves .

[@abab7601]

I swear all of your videos always arrive at the right time. Thank you! They're really therapeutic

[@pallavimenon6299]

In my case I had a problem accepting that people truly cared about me. I would take one single thing that they did and turn my self into a downward spiral of they don't like me, they don't care about me etc. I have come to recognize that this sort of behavior happens when I am upset with myself for not doing things that will make me happy and successful in life (like studying for a test) or help me achieve my goals.

[@jimmyjames3863]

I’ve never cared what people think for around 10 years now 👍🏻🤘🏻😊

[@deniz547]

Whether somebody likes me or not, it’s usually something that I don’t need to react (unless I’m getting physically attacked or something haha). Same goes for me too. I don’t have to like somebody but I don’t have to announce it to them or even react to this feeling myself. We are just different people. Being not liked by someone doesn’t make us less of a person. We can do the bare minimum if we have to be around each other, otherwise we don’t need to interact at all. It’s similar to the “agree to disagree” concept.

[@craftyalot5791]

Where I’m from we have a saying that goes “El ladrón juzga por su condición” directly translated to “The thief judges from their condition” or “based on their condition” in other words! The thief will always asume everyone is stealing, because that’s what they do.

[@nohugsplz1988]

I needed this bro.

[@SQRL_GHOUL]

Can't get over how well your videos speak to me.

[@4biz]

WELCOME BACK ANNA. missed u doing ur vids

[@amnoturgurl9323]

Thanks Anna for speaking on this issue. I have struggled with this my entire life and I never understood why. I'll use your tips and apply it in my life.

[@scarlettwillow9257]

I never knew I needed this

[@AlanChikinChow]

I love this 🤣🤣 you know we’re Neanderthals!!!

[@bhuvanakamath7462]

Me overthinking about what other people think of me for a whole week and then I see Anna saving my life. YOU ARE TRULY A GODDESS. ❤️

[@Andromeda2976]

Was in the middle of transition of not caring what other people think but unfortunately got back on 0 again! Last year I was living with my kids in Atlas mountains on a 1800 style, and I totally loved it. Family came by, convinced me that it was better to live back in citystyle but that totally got a wrong turn! And yes since then I'm 10 months on the way to get back on track. Thankyou for your inspiration & loveable videos

[@Adamcameralens]

I really apperciate how all your videos make me think and gives me new perspective on topics we all deal with on a daily basis.

[@Silverburstnelson]

Just started better help a few weeks ago. Absolutely love it and love you. You are a Queen.

[@naijahijabi]

Your videos sometimes provide me with a new insight, are good reminders or are just simply fun to watch. Thank you!

[@christophermahon1851]

I like you for your hard-earned insight and self-awareness. That is in no way a projection, because, personally speaking, I'm a moron.

[@matthewwells2520]

For the record keeping track of latitude and longitude is harder without a super accurate time piece.

[@sunisthakundu6684]

i wish people were honest like you.

[@willyct207]

Anna your good looks inspire me!!!

[@YuzuLeanne]

OMG YES I WAS CIRCLING TRYING TO COMPLETE THE THOUGHT “ PEOPLE ARE JUST PROJECTING” FOR YEARS. LIKE I FELT IT BUT COULDN’T PUT IT INTO WORDS

[@KarlShonasHoran]

😭 I'm like 'dude (to myself) chill, your being so envious and your awful for doing that, I don't wanna associate with someone like that' and I hate me for feeling that way 😭 ughhh, like I know it's an awful trait but I do it and....ugh 😭😭😭😭

[@tdesq.2463]

Yeah, sometimes the projection is just so glaringly obvious that it's almost comical. "Wait. Which one of us are we talking about here?" Great Presentation, Ms. Akana!

[@andrewraslan5348]

1:05 martial arts (taught in the proper, traditional, hardcore way) will cure this. Honestly. My head used to be like this and martial arts fixed it right up. They teach you to think efficiently and in a goal-oriented manner rather than navel-gaze incessantly. It's not inescapable.

[@julzamidala2865]

Thank you Anna, you are the voice everyone in the solar system needs and I really apprecate you ❤❤❤

[@tiffanykirabs9958]

Love your content Anna!! Am 17 and it has really helped me😊 So thank you

[@dr.ameze_osayande]

Anna always comes through 💓

[@dianapop6054]

"pack your rock and bones, and GO" 😂 I always love the sketches

[@OuchingTigerLimpingDragon]

Huh. I never thought of any of this in these terms at all. Thanks, Anna!

[@marthahorton5350]

I had the friend who was always in a mood (angry, grumpy, anxious,annoyed, lonely) tell me I was "too emotional". It hurt back then, but now I realize he was very uncomfortable with his own emotions and my vulnerability scared him.

[@iriannaf]

I needed this✨

[@SunshineOil]

Girl i love your videos they always somehow coincide with what's happening in my life! and I think that's pretty cool!

[@funnyvideoguy3216]

Loki: I think I know what this place is. It's an illusion to trick the more powerful Also loki: kills to project the illusion that he's powerful

[@EternalDensity]

He said that in a room with an actual projector too!

[@aurora6920]

I know so many people like this, they will often say snarky comments about anything they don't have or didn't do knowing the other person has because deep down they are jealous. They could have easily just been happy for the person and not make the mean comments to make themselves feel better about it (e.g. not going to university, not having kids or a partner etc) is so sad.

[@kalikso]

Just what I needed!

[@LustStarrr]

WaitButWhy's article, Why You Should Stop Caring What People Think (Taming the Mammoth), changed my dang life! I highly recommend it to anyone else struggling to overcome this aspect of our humanity.

[@jullianepalmero9346]

my "OOOOOOOOFFF" went so hard at "it's just like a partner who's accusing you of cheating, when in actuality, it's them that's cheating."

[@rehanchoudhury4936]

This is like that Family Guy joke: "Men: We know how to be friends."

[@calleymichelle1510]

Everyone needs to self reflect and realize we all project. Projection is basically your shadow self coming out. Be mindful of it and check it.

[@Vyndabella]

I just love your content more and more. Thanks so much.

[@crystalmillard6272]

I recently had an incident with a work colleague and when talking to a therapist about it we discovered underlying trauma that was reason I was reacting to conflict with her. I'd never considered that before.

[@Bloodhuntress44]

THE NICEST YET MEANEST THING I CAN SAY IS, YOU ARENT AS IMPORTANT TO OTHERS AS YOU THINK

[@krux02]

I don't really understand projection and why it happens. But knowing that it happens helped me a lot. There was this person in my life who constantly blamed me all the time for crazy stuff. Now I know she just told me all her devious actions. Very important information!

[@kacey-leejacobs4115]

Anna I'm so happy when I see your new videos Thank you so much♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

[@sparksfly5877]

I always wondered why I have so much difficulty with ‘disliking’ people. I can’t do it. Can’t hold a grudge. You’re forgiven in 5 minutes with me. Turns out it’s cause I’ve always been great at self reflecting. I worked on it much earlier than a lot of other people. Means I don’t project my own insecurities on people. I’d like to say - the vast majority of people are very likeable; the 99%. It becomes much easier when you realise that.

[@bibhashbhardwas9266]

She is the only therapist I need ~

[@ghosttaker3251]

The acting was 10 out of 10 i love it

[@xrubyxlightx]

Girl how did you know i needed this? Today i was worrying about being too WEIRD and "NOT NORMAL"😭😭😭

[@benedixtify]

This is really brilliant.

[@bodiego3652]

3:06 - if you don't say it, you think it 😂

[@cara_phillips_]

this was one of my favourite videos, thanks!

[@blj1523]

Love this, short, sweet and to the point. Super clear and it leaves you with some actionable steps

[@selohcin]

I don't like my boss. He's irrationally hostile, a terrible communicator, and has no sense of empathy. It's not me; it's him. I am NOT projecting.

[@claracheung7006]

The way you see people is just a mirror of how you see yourself

[@nylecoj8306]

i think what ive learned was that in tge best way possible, people dont care bout you, wether ur eating alone, or idk, they pay as much attention to you as you to them, i think people think more about what will others think than other people think about us, i bet everyone's afraid they'd do something wrong just like u and i, so just mind ur own bussiness and do what u want 💖💖

[@Graghma]

Always great content, tho I don't agree that our inner voice should be eliminated or is useless. Yes, it can be harsh and mean, but it also helps me figure out hard problems and work through tough issues. Having someone to talk to when it gets out of hand helps get it back in line for me.