How to Quit A Band...The Right Way!

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Friends,
Over the course of your lifetime as a musician, performing or professional musician, you will be faced with the task of having to leave a band.
This could be due to many reasons, often the reason is that original band agreements are not kept, the band is going nowhere, a member of the band has a number of problems you were not aware of when you joined (for example: a member is an alcoholic) personality tensions etc... whatever the reason, the time has come where you know that it is not satisfying, fun or hitting your expectations, the situation is not salvageable and you must leave.
In my experiences, keeping the emotional aspect out of it (no matter how angry or upset you may be) is always the best way. Do not talk about your problems with a certain band member with other members, because it will always get back to them. If you have any live performance obligations, fulfill them (unless the drama/hostility meter is way off the charts.) And move on.
Getting into the issues will almost always not be received well and open up the Pandora's box of drama. It will save you much headache and stress. Trust me.
*apologies in advance, was using camera I hadn't used yet and the autofocus was hyperactive and not locked.
#quittingaband #sayinggoodbye #leavingaband

[@unruler]

Cartman way: "Screw you guys, I'm going home!".

[@duanewright1412]

Happy Sunday, I quit a band because I would rush to practice from my construction job and a person with NO job was consistently late and unprepared. I also quit because drugs and alcohol got in the way of our original goal and the music. CHEERS to ALL

[@YesYouCANPlayGuitar]

I often liken it to a team sport, you are only as strong as the weakest member of the team. Don't get me wrong I did have some good experiences, but most often it was always the same story: being let down by someone who didn't keep agreements and pretended to care in the beginning but really didn't give a shit and it would come out eventually...

[@Obsession225]

I don't think there's many of us both working in construction and playing in a band. I salute you brother

[@AnthonySforza]

Oh man... I had a 9 hour, six day a week job, was also going to school full time AND was still pushing for the band. Where the guy with a regular 8 hour, five day job kept coming up with excuses about how "busy" he was. Then... I lost employment for about a month and while still pushing for the band, this guy seriously looks me in the eyes and said (With a straight face) "I feel like of you had a job, you'd understand..."

[@johnbeamon]

Just found your video today. I quit a band last year for a handful of reasons after I got some helpful feedback. "Sounds like they're in exactly the band they want and you're not." We sounded great together. But they were content to play their hometown bar (40min for me) on a legacy collection of failing equipment, and I was not. I had tried to improve social media, book us in the nearby half-million people city, update equipment, and add songs. They were disinterested, and the band itself was $0 broke. I finally told them I needed to move on after the next gig 4wks out. I said I had been frustrated about my personal priorities being different from theirs, and I caught myself venting it to my wife who was mourning a death in the family. I made it about me resetting the peace and quiet in my home and letting them have the future they wanted to have. It was well received. Those who reached out directly asked for more and got more. Not everyone reached out. In fact the one I expected most never reached out to me at all. I've since traded a few text messages, and even went to one of their shows and provided a bunch of pictures and video for them. We've drifted apart, but we did it on neutral ground and not out of bitterness, I believe.

[@YesYouCANPlayGuitar]

John thank you so much for posting this! I’m going to be posting a video about it this week 🎸🎶

[@jamesryan5499]

Yeah good for you bro,..my condolences to the lost in the family, this original band i layed in, (DRUMMER)..had similar problems, and personal saying, i don't need to rehearse, i can do it on the fly,..ect:..and other BS..to me to be a team player, yeah sometimes you things are eeeh, but me and the Guitarist click and worked through it, making some of the other's and all so a pep talk..like listen and let's correct it and make it better...that was 1985..tje Guitarist and myself are still together..and Making original music

[@williamcode2073]

Two thing that killed my previous two bands: people not practicing their parts before rehearsal; and being asked to learn many new songs (see point one) and then forgetting about them when others are not prepared to play them. When asked to learn new material, I expect it to be, at least, given a fair chance. The last band also had Covid vaccination problems, so the easiest way out was a reboot. Thankfully, in both cases, I was not the one who folded, I tried to make it work.

[@AnthonySforza]

That's why I laughed when Paul Stanley's first book came out and people had criticisms about him talking about the 80s, when it seemed like he was the only one interested in "KISS". That he was whining, crying, etc. Leaving me to respond "CLEARLY, you've never been the one guy in your band who actually gave a shit about it and sat there like Atlas, trying to hold the whole thing up, by yourself."

[@aaryansharmapsrubhfcxy2087]

Nice video thanku 🙏

[@YesYouCANPlayGuitar]

No thank you! 😊🙏

[@tyremanguitars]

biggest problem for me is unwritten rules, for example overplaying or underplaying, but them not telling until AFTER you've done it, and just personality differences that are too extreme to ever make it work, I've not been in a band for over 10 years now and honestly don't miss it, the only thing I miss is playing live in front of an audience.

[@navecamnedia]

i'm in a position where in a bit of a blur of life events passing me by, i've just joined a band (my first in a few years), and realised a few weeks in that i don't like their music. i'm doing my best to keep my parts interesting so that i'm not dying of boredom on stage or in rehearsal. i know that i should professionally jump ship eventually, but for now, should i just bide my time while looking for something i'm excited to be apart of?

[@williamweiss6128]

About to do this to one of the nicest bunch of guys I've played with, BUT, I can't take it anymore. I also, do sound, so it's going to be tough for them, but.

[@YesYouCANPlayGuitar]

About 10 years ago, I gave guitar lessons to a William Weiss, older fellow, great guy. Sometimes I wonder how he is doing.... Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do :)

[@williamweiss6128]

@@YesYouCANPlayGuitar interesting. Just drums since 71 for me.

[@kevinschindele4829]

I get along with everyone in the band great I'm just tired of being expected to practice 2 or 3 days a week after week I'm the only one with a kid I can't really do it anymore I was even nice enough to give them a deadline and fulfill my agreement on a show months from now but honestly all I can think about is being out of this band and I'm the one that started it 9 years ago. We've took a 4nyear break once before so I'm sure we all see it coming anyways

[@YesYouCANPlayGuitar]

It gets even tougher as you age, believe me I know. Love your post 😊

[@gayealisir5661]

I like how you started this video by melting our faces off with that killer riff. Currently wiping all the melted flesh off my keyboard. But yeah man I need to quit a band where the music just aint my style. I have a bad habit of getting involved in serious bands with music I am just not feeling.

[@YesYouCANPlayGuitar]

Hey! Check out my latest video on the topic I posted the next day, I'd love your take on it...

[@otherside4988]

I just quit my band bc they are not serious enough they all have different schedules like with work and family which I can understand but I am trying to get to the next level. My drummer dosent want to help buy equipment so I ended up buying a whole set for him to play. I even want to try out a studio and had a jar where we can throw in money to help with the recording and no one wants to help pitch. And they always like to get drunk and high when playing and I'm not really into that and feel like were not going anywhere. And now sense I quit there all hating on me saying there gonna show me what I'm missing and calling me a dick and not humble and patient when we were doing this for a year and a half and can't even play five full songs. Did I do the right thing of quitting or is there something I could've done to motivate these guys?

[@YesYouCANPlayGuitar]

You shouldn’t have to motivate them bro. Trust me, you made the right decision. Time will prove that too. 👍🎸🎶

[@erockscott1184]

You went way above and beyond...buying drums for the drummer???....wow

[@annisaurus]

I'm thinkin about quitting my band. The band is in a city 400 km (~250 miles) away from where I live, while the rest of the band lives there. I'm just sick and tired of having to travel 4 hours per direction, if we wanna meet up, or practice, or anything really. I only joined 2 years ago, but I don't enjoy it anymore.

[@YesYouCANPlayGuitar]

That is a good sign to take the door. :)

[@Lance0714]

heck yah. remember your last gig was always the “ 3:10 best” gig…even when it sucked. Chin up, always do your best. I’m in three projects always more never good enough Let’s make jam

[@YesYouCANPlayGuitar]

Hey! This video I made such a long time ago now lol, I'll have to check it out again lol

[@metalmichew2]

So Heres a weird thing. I have been asked for an 80s Thrash metal coverband, and i was kinda hyped cuz they played pretty big venues and stuff as support of flotsam and jetsam and stuff like that. So we decided to meet up in a pub to see if there s a spark and i noticed i wasnt the only new member they had in mind. So im open minded and said i would like to see where this thing can go considering one of the guys is from a pretty big Dutch metal band! So i told them that next to wanting to try this i would be a father at the end of februari, now for the rehearsals date there was a big discussion considering one of the guys is a sound engineer and has to work really weird hours which resulted in 17th of februari as the date they wanted to practice, but i cant, the due date for my wife was the 20 th and i told them i wanted to keep those dates free. So the drummer asked if i cant ask my wife to not deliver the baby that day. I said ill ask her if she can push back. He legit taught that was possible... So thats strike one. Strike two, somewhere around the start of februari the singer declared on Facebook the line up of the band was complete again, i still had no intention to say yes before at least trying out. Strike three. There is made arrangements for 2 gigs in juli. So im not in a band, but i am? I dont really know how to call it honestly, i dont even have any interest in playing with these guys at this point, im kinda pissed off even So considering the gig shit, can i just quit? Or do i really have to gig with them? Considering im not even officially a member yet

[@homeymell]

I just left a very booked and active country band. Stopped enjoying it about a year before I actually left. It was difficult and stressful on me but I played it exactly right I let them know I was leaving but made sure my replacement was up to speed before I played my final gig. It worked out great and now I have a subbing position with them. There was some band wife drama that was going on during my exit time like real bad but that was not the reason I left...I just got tired of gigging--kinda like Forrest Gump---I'm tired, think I'll go home now. In retrospect it might have been better to just quit but I wanted to leave the band in good shape. The new player is doing well and that makes me happy that I didn't leave the band in a bind. My take away is this--beware of band wives! They are evil witches! Just kidding. It was good for about 3 years and then it wasn't fun anymore for the last year. I did it right but it was very very stressful to continue to play when everyone knew you were no longer the guy.

[@YesYouCANPlayGuitar]

I loved your post! Unfortunately I just did an updated video to this one today and just missed your comment, I would have used it in the video.... don't even get me started on disordered band wives/girlfriends lol kzbin.info/www/bejne/bpTEc4CDa7ydfposi=4rKUwPsHBP0ov9Om

[@Dragonette666]

not quitting but I've decided that I don't want to jam with a guy that I used to work with, even tho at one point I wanted to just to get out and play. Why? He mostly plays country and southern rock, and I'm more blues and metal. I do not like Southern Rock and I like the crowd it brings in even less. I decided that if we did play and try to have a band , either I have to play stuff I don't like for people I don't like , or I have to change him from his thing. If he wanted to play blues and metal he'd already be doing it. So I'll find someone else.

[@YesYouCANPlayGuitar]

Sounds like you have made the right choice. I had a student here last year for guitar and voice. She had a good voice. She wanted to just jam with a band and get some experience. The guys she jammed with were weekend hacks/drunks. It was ok for her for awhile, she would tell me about it. I would tell her to just get some experience but she would outgrow them quickly and move on. She did. I told her that when she left, keep it nice and professional to avoid drama, don't get into mud-slinging and criticisms. They weren't professional, they just wanted to get drunk and band around on weekends. Move on nicely. She did.

[@bobturnley2787]

Great message but the video going in and out of focus was rough.

[@YesYouCANPlayGuitar]

Hi Bob! This was an older video on my channel, the production has improved much since then. I'm glad you enjoyed the video :)

[@nemisiesaidSTARS]

I'm on the verge of quitting my band. Reason 1 is because we've began this project *again* in early march and as of this writing, June 2nd, we've rehearsed with a full band about 3 times. Other times its just the lead guitar, a self-proclaimed drummer who moved from Keys to drums, and me the bassist. Reason #2 we have no drummer!!! IMO the drummer is the backbone of a band. It adds punch and can switch the way a song sounds loud, soft, energetic, sluggish. The guy we have right now has no creativity whats so ever. Tell me if I'm wrong for this, but why should the guitarist and I learn the song note for note, chord for chord, when he isn't going to play it beat for beat. Most of the time during improv he sticks to 8th notes on high hats, snare on then off, a simple 1 2 3 4 beat on kick drum. Nothing to feed off as. I messaged the guitarist about this and she simply said we're all talented. Personally I feel like quitting and starting a new project. But at the same time i want to look for a new drummer who's actually creative and knows their shit.

[@YesYouCANPlayGuitar]

I'm making a video about this and will post it soon :)

[@RoccosModernKeyboards]

I've never been in a band but I know a guy who got fired from his band and bitched about it for decades afterward named Dave Mustaine

[@alensezz4372]

left a thrash band today. there were alot of problems and i tried to be upfront with the one person in the band who was also trying. i did the opposite and there is genuinely tension. ive also just tried to get the issues fixed but alas im doen now yes. keep your mouth shut. because musicians are musicians

[@YesYouCANPlayGuitar]

And when you leave, the less said the better, it's a much easier process believe me :)

[@Bricklinsv1970]

My life story

[@YesYouCANPlayGuitar]

Sadly, yes for many of us. For me it almost always came down to the original band agreement. It's like a relationship, people will be on their best performance to get you in the band (especially when you bring a lot to the table) but once things get going people's true colours will always show eventually.....

[@georgeprice4212]

As long as it’s not onstage…..

[@YesYouCANPlayGuitar]

Hey George! My message in the video, but this video sucked. My video production has come a long way since then lol

[@georgeprice4212]

@@YesYouCANPlayGuitarwas that a rare Jackson Vinnie Vincent model you played on the intro solo?

[@YesYouCANPlayGuitar]

@@georgeprice4212 it's actually a lower end Jackson Demmelition guitar, the Phil Demmel line. Here was my review video of it. kzbin.info/www/bejne/mGGzZ4CmYq51fcUsi=wOiED_h3smLOgstR