How To Respect your Foster Youth's "STUFF"

[@theneens5535]

When my daughter and I got custody of her niece and nephew ( also my grandkids) they had NOTHING! Later we were able to get some of their personal "stuff". They still have those special things even though they're older teens. We made sure to get them clothing and toiletries asap, and started adding "wants" as soon as we could. Since we kept them from going into foster care, there was no limitations on expectations. However, we kept social media exposure very limited. They now have phones and laptops, but my daughter has access at any time to make sure they're safe. Their parents have made very few attempts at contact, it has been a couple of years since last attempt. We were lucky in being able to get custody with only 2 court hearings, but due to the chaos of their instability we made sure therapy was had by all the kids. You're a great inspiration, and I recommend your channel to lots of people who are dealing with the courts and DFAC in our area.

[@andreahawkins5890]

No matter what they have I hope the child keeps everything through their journey back to their biological parents because gifts are precious and the foster parents don't know how they got their items even if they outgrew them they should keep it. I'm waiting for reunification and it's been painful so hopefully these children are cared for respectfully and their property as well. Thank you for informing others great topic!

[@lisamarie3852]

I basically got custody of a 17 year old recently. We had a meeting with her social worker and made a list of her short and long term goals. When it comes to stuff she had very little . We posted on Facebook groups to get her clothing and shoes ect. She appreciates the littlest things and I feel like she has a good chance to better her life. I love watching your videos to get some tips and modify them to fit our situation

[@oceanconnolly9270]

Another really great tip I heard (from Laura the foster mom on tiktok) is not to immediately wash items when they arrive even if you think they’re smelly or dirty. Those items smell/look/feel like home to the child and it’s important to respect that and to ask them if they’d like them washed/be gentle about the eventual need to wash them, while of course being mindful of things like bugs. I also want to say from personal experience that sometimes people can be quick to assume that if a child is “careless” with material things they are “ungrateful”, but it’s so important to be gentle and mindful of the fact that there are so many reasons a kiddo might struggle to take care of things or not respond to items in an expected way.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Yes! Very true!

[@car17yn71]

My foster family (end of 1978- May 1979 in Florida) had a bunch of clothes in all sizes for boys and girls from 2T - Adult Small). It was great! All the clothes were in a shelving unit separated by size and type (shirts, pants, shorts, etc). When we got to go back and live with our Dad in Ohio, they let me take my favorite jean shorts, a pair of patchwork jeans that got cut into shorts after they ripped, these 2 t-shirts that I loved, and a pair of tennis shoes.

[@JennaVanSickle]

With photos we give a photo album to our foster son’s mom twice a year with a ton of photos of him (I try to choose solo photos of him for this). We also frame a Christmas photo of him for her as a gift.

[@janvan4424]

What a treasured gift for her 💕

[@barrfamilyteachers7303]

Our daughter came with just the dress she was wearing when we picked her up. But my friends went shipping and fixed that real quick.

[@dollybelledendrobium813]

I don't have anything to add, I just wanted to thank you for putting this kind of information out there because its just so important.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

❤️

[@peaceofapuzzlebfg]

If kids have been in situations where things have been stolen from them they may want to keep certain things with them all the time. Keep that in mind

[@melissaschneiter5938]

I create photo albums for the kids to go home with. Also, took a foster daughter to Disney with our family and made sure to share all other that with bio family

[@slbyrd100]

I am not a foster parent but I was in the system when I was young. One thing I would say is please don't take back the thing you bought/ give the child. It had happened to me.

[@1crackedup]

I hope your are keeping good notes You have such a wealth of experience Will make a nice

[@Kimb3rlyChuchua]

I'm Missing your content, I hope you and the kids are doing well ♥️

[@bnicoleswope]

Great stuff, thanks so much for sharing girl! Will definitely be implementing the memory box when I start taking in kids next year. Making a list of these tips and tricks to remind myself when the time comes. Thanks for being a part of my journey and letting us be a part of yours 💕

[@Pencelia]

Miss you guys! Hope you are having a good summer.😃

[@michellerivera7878]

I know in my heart and soul that my kid would be the one to save a holey sock. 😂😂😂 Its actually an ongoing joke w us, he shows me when he has a hole in his sock and I hate it and fight and wrestle him to get it off his foot so I can throw it out. 🤣🤣

[@dimariehernandez5046]

I love the idea of a memory box!

[@kmack7333]

Such great information --- thank you!!!

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Welcome! ❤️

[@Godislove4517]

Can't have too many photos. Especially since we can now sort and store online. 📸

[@jamesweston6226]

Would you be available to do a room tour of what you put in the foster teen room. Just do i can get some ideas?

[@johnsonsfamilyof4]

I'd love something like this. Even just a video of teen room ideas. I'm getting a room ready and have no clue what to put in it. I don't want it to girly or to boyish.

[@jamesweston6226]

@@johnsonsfamilyof4 same

[@petitehippie7064]

@@johnsonsfamilyof4 Yes. Me too!

[@dontwannausemyrealname9388]

I'd really like to hear about cell phones and electronics. If the (older) kids show up with phones, what are appropriate measures - like monitoring. Are policies like "no phones in the bedroom at night" appropriate? How do you monitor situations if there's a no-contact order?

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Great idea for a future idea, will be sure to talk about it!

[@dontwannausemyrealname9388]

@@BeTheVillageCommunity Yes! I would like more insight on the balance between rules and acknowledging their ties to their belongings!

[@Cassandra-..-]

What about hard copy report cards and school transcripts? I was just reading about how foster kids have a hard time transferring credits for graduation because of moving from place to place. Is it a good idea to even keep a photocopy of report cards in a memory box so that they can be grabbed quickly?

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

I think that’s a great idea!

[@peaceofapuzzlebfg]

I like that idea.

[@cassiehunt2686]

IEPs too. I had a really hard time tracking mine down when I needed it to ask for accommodations in graduate school.

[@charleneknottsrubini2220]

I would like to suggest the possibility of getting a photo printer to print on demand at home. This way you can easily have specific photos in hand right away to share with your foster child.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Good idea! We have a Walgreens around the corner with 1-hr printing so we are set but this is a great idea for those who live out of the city!

[@Cassandra-..-]

An HP Sprocket 200 printer (Amazon) lets you (or a teen) print small photos directly from a phone and is pocket size. The quality is good enough to preserve the memory and better than those cute, tiny Polaroid cameras.🤷‍♀️

[@asbmp]

Can a foster child bring in very expensive items such as musical instruments, or have a very large collection of vinyl records or model trains or other collectable toys?

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Sure! Why not?

[@asbmp]

@@BeTheVillageCommunity what's the possibility of being able to bring in a large item like a piano or organ console?

[@maryly2688]

@@asbmp I think that would be decided case by case. To my knowledge, it's not against any rules.

[@elizabethmorgan7142]

❤️

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

❤️