How to Say No Effectively | Eckhart Tolle

Responding to two questions, Eckhart first offers a clarification of his teaching on saying “yes” to what is, and then offers guidance on honoring (instead of denying) our form identity. Is there someone to whom you need to offer what Eckhart calls "a high-quality no"?
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[@Sam-nb8ev]

The fear of rejection made me say " yes " many many times in my life. Now, after many disappointments and more self knowledge, I can now say "no" when required.

[@yukio_saito]

@Eckharttolle048 No! Saying high quality no to a scammer.

[@karadiberlino]

@@yukio_saito😂

[@shawty10mymy]

Not there, yet. I wish.

[@cloudsofwonder7004]

Within reason Knowledge of Self and the abilty to Listen to my Higher Self Knowing my own limitations and the ppl in need Listening to requests Making the choice of yes or no and the truth we are all One intimate relationships like the word Intimate means to me (into me see) then using wisdom ie ? Am I doing for others what they can do for themselves ? ☘️

[@JonKonik11]

Cool

[@mindfulnesswithmatt]

Saying no is an art of honoring ourselves and others’ emotions. Loved the simple approach

[@nobodysout]

Question: does the unconscious mind arranging life in it’s chaos consciously know it’s leading to suffering?

[@matteohman]

Sometimes we people pleasers have to start with a number of low quality no's and then hopefully progress to higher quality no's

[@maelmitchell7207]

We are not here to be a "people pleaser"! We are here to experience our Presence and be creative! 🙏👍🌈😊😸

[@Jade-wb6fd]

I literally needed to hear this at this moment in time. I'm such a people pleaser, so I need to learn how to say no without worrying about upsetting someone else

[@johngreen4683]

A true friend will accept you are not always able to say yes and on the occasions you have to say "sorry no i cant help you at this moment in time" and they will put their own issues to one side for a moment and ask if they can do anything to help you. My personal opinion is anyone who can't accept hearing the word no, needs to hear it much more often as they have become confused between something that is actually a favour, and mistaken it for being an obligation or something they are entitled to by right. 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@Jade-wb6fd]

@John Green When I have said sorry I can't do that (it was my first time saying it to that friend), then that friend said I was selfish. But really, I think they were the selfish ones because I would always say yes to them, but whenever I asked for something, they said no. I agree with your opinion. I think it's so true that some people just don't understand the meaning of no anymore.

[@johngreen4683]

@@Jade-wb6fd hi Jade, i think its really important not to let other people's selfish ego reactions change who we are one way are as people. If someone really struggles to accept the word no, we are genuinely being more kind to them by saying no than we are by saying yes to stop them throwing a tantrum. We wouldn't say give into a two year old child if they threw themselves on the floor every time we said no, so why would we accept that behaviour from an adult, its not good for them, , just look at what it's done to Donald Trump 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@shawty10mymy]

@@johngreen4683 I heard no many times. Doesn't help me to accept the world. Maybe I understand it as a personal rejection. Also, very rarely I say no. Makes me feel guilty and fearful that I want be liked. Mess.

[@johngreen4683]

@@shawty10mymy hi, i guess it depends on what you have been asking of others in order to hear no so often, or have you taken the no"'s to heart and held onto to them all yet overlooked and discounted all the possibly countless yes' s? Just a thought because obviously i don't know your personal situation. I think we all want to please people, make them happy and their life easier but i guess its what we need from them in return, i don't believe you need to say yes to people in order for people to like you, i personally think you possibly don't believe and trust in who you are enough, but you really are enough, regardless if you say yes or no to other people 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@palomas9559]

I was on a yes no rollercoaster today, luckily I ended on a no. Feeling a little proud.

[@mindfulivingAngie]

Fear plays a major role in agreeing to almost everything...fear of being; misunderstood, rejected, upsetting someone, labelled difficult....but if you are self aware then you'll say what you mean

[@amberleestine]

I don't have a problem saying "no" to people but what happens is that often times the people ignore what I said. My parents still do this quite often. They simply ignore what I say and replace it with what they wanted to hear in the first place. It causes great frustration, and I've had to keep them at arm's length for many years now because of this.

[@tyremanguitars]

I had to learn to say 'no' when people were trying to use me for free recording time in my home studio that I built for myself.

[@kathrynphillips3710]

its all about self respect, having respect for yourself and others but without giving your own personnel power away, being true to ones spirit and soul 💗🙏💗

[@banderas2000]

being able to say no is powerful and healthy

[@absolutevibe]

I've had several situations where I said NO in the last month(s). When you don't say why you are told that it would be good /nice to explain why. When you express why, some get offended 😁 It's a lottery, both ways are good. Often the other knows why without having to mention it, but not always. Either way, important is to keep it clear and foreward, without drama. As always, Eckharts message is empowering and harmonizing.

[@h2_kumar]

Boy, did I needs this teaching just now. Thank you so much, Eckhart. Peace and Love! 🙏

[@eckharttolle858]

Thanks for your comments Let's converse for more insight and mentorship ↗️↗️↗️

[@veraintuizione6497]

SO true❤️. I was a kind of yes woman😂, I had this impulse to say yes to almost everyone. I offered myself sometimes. It cannot be held for long. Not because people often aren't grateful to you (you don't do it for that you absolutely don't think about it) actually they often criticize you because you helped them 🤣but because you risk doing them harm instead of good. Letting people face a challenge on their own is often the real help we can give them. Even to ourselves. Obviously I'm not talking about abandoning people who are sick or in such extreme situations, it is our duty to help them if we are able to do so!💓🙏

[@joytedford996]

I came to the conclusion that sometimes it is as important to say "No" as it is to say "Yes." The awareness of why we say either one is vital. Do I say "Yes" when I wanted to say "No" and vice versa. Know yourself! Let your "No" be "No" and your "Yes" be "Yes." Simple. Without creating drama or conflict, without judgment.

[@eckharttolle858]

Thanks for your comments Let's converse for more insight and mentorship ↗️↗️↗️↗️

[@johnanthonycafe2993]

Not only does Eckhardt answer questions succinctly he is naturally funny. Other teachers take note. KZbin is awash with dry self appointed gurus with tedious explanations that stimulate the mind.

[@kristi94]

He delivers such important messages in such a heart lighted way. Always a joy and a moment of grounding to hear him speak

[@kenputer56]

Saying yes to people sometimes is saying no to yourself

[@Tsotha]

got recommended one of Eckhart's "how and what to do in 2023" videos (can't remember which one) a while back and the overall points he made were identical important insights I recently had arrived at independently on my own so I have decided to subscribe to his channel and watch a lecture a day, this one actually revolves around something I have a difficult time doing - will see if what he advises in here works

[@irinakushnir8338]

I landed somebody the 2, 000 and the 1,000 and the person was asking more and didn't give back any yet I let him know that I will not land him anymore in that case. Amazing teachings if I had another chance I would apply this method definitely. Thanks Eckart.

[@justrose6978]

That's a wonderful answer that makes absolute sense however, when you're dealing with highly ego centered individuals it can turn dramatic very quickly

[@karadiberlino]

Sadly that‘s true…

[@wendyriches8515]

Amazing how hard it is for some to say " I'm sorry". You can be sorry for their situation. It doesn't mean you are a sorry person!!

[@barbiesbrioche]

I love saying no

[@ChristicMystic777]

I am guilty not low quality nos. I'm working on it!!

[@ilmariforsnas]

Thank you. I have experiences where I should've said no but didn't, and it didn't go well. I have found taking _Steps to Knowledge_ by Marshall Vian Summers helps me with that. We need our authority, which is the knowing part of us - or Knowledge...

[@elnaziraji2608]

Thank you for the lovely message ♥️

[@connied8507]

This may not stop the user from becoming angry with you for saying no. I loaned my sister a large amount and she was paying me back a pittance at a time. I told her no for a second loan and she reacted with anger and stopped paying on first loan. Lesson learned...

[@gojiberry7201]

Yes, I guess like what ET said, they ask with their ego, so they probably react with their ego ... as I know I have myself! But at least your conscience is clear 👌👌

[@TerriblePerfection]

Without a signed document, a loan is always a gift.

[@piavannesjo5865]

Some people becomes angry when you change your attitude and behavior. Wondering what is happening in their mind...😏

[@delcarr]

If you had said yes she would owe you even more. And then you would become less than a brother. And her repayment schedule would become more frustrating. I think you did absolutely the right thing. If you can afford it write off the first loan but be clear no more money. And if you do help her again then it has to be a gift and not a loan. ✌️💙

[@connied8507]

@@delcarr yes guys have it rough but I'm her sister. 🤔

[@roxanan832]

Thank you God, for this beautiful lesson today 🙏🏻 Dear Eckhart God bless you, wish you all the best 🌸

[@alexandrapittner]

Yes, that’s a great explanation 🙏🏼. The movie is amazing I loved it. Thank you for using it as making this so clear 🙏🏼

[@user-vm4zn6pt6v]

에카르트톨레 선생님 감사합니다

[@thomasm.2293]

In that point it seems I have nothing to learn 😊 Thank you very much, Mr. Tolle!

[@eckharttolle858]

Thanks for your comments Let's converse for more insight and mentorship ↗️↗️↗️↗️

[@gojiberry7201]

This is a really great way to look at this, never thought of that before. Thank you!

[@leonardomoreira7378]

Thanks for the teachings. Outstanding they are.

[@hstar6515]

Love this! Learning to set boundaries has been challenging 😂

[@supportusereverygame7455]

Help me pls. There’s this guy who want to borrow my bike to go in school I don’t know what to reply because I’ve been careful about my bike that I’ve been taking care of almost 4 years I’m not worried about the person who wants to borrow, I’m worried about his surroundings they where irresponsible about their things.

[@dhairyachheda19]

I met a person a few days ago and we started to speak and I didn’t know what his intentions were or what was he going through. He was quite big than me. Somehow I couldn’t say no whenever he tried to speak to me and it used to bother me a lot. I used to think that I’ll end it but somehow end up speaking to him. I didn’t wanna say a low quality no and I came across this video and today I finally told him no. Felt good. 💪🏻 yayy!

[@linadiaz6722]

I´m trying to understand this in my relationship, it´s hard to apply when there so much pain. Thanks so much for this concept, I don´t give up.

[@remlapgarage]

Wow of all days for this video to pop up, it's exactly the one I needed today 👌

[@StephanieJeanne]

Very good advice! Thanks, Eckart! ☺💜

[@menschsascha]

This Video was uploadet at the right time. ( My Timeline?!) This theme is everywhere around me at the moment. Feels like... No, no, no ,no, no. Saying yes makes me happy though, but in the now it's more healthy to say a no. Thanks for sharing information and greetings

[@ryanmarin440]

this guy is chill

[@laika5757]

Music to my ears.. 🎼🎶🎸

[@alanhehe4508]

Thanks for sharing your wisdom ❤✌

[@phunkymind23]

I know how important it can be to say no to things, but I still wonder if I'll be missing out on positive opportunities. I've only got one reliable friend, so saying no to a potential meetup risks distancing us.

[@annewilliams5715]

If this person is a true friend they will understand that you cannot say yes everytime

[@Alex722]

Many people take no like it's something weird or not supposed to happen, but that's none of my business. If at the moment I feel that saying no is the right action, then I say no with no regret or second thoughts. Of course, in the same way I accept the negative answer when I ask something. Saying no isn't bad and it's not rude. If someone says no just for egoic reasons, it speaks volumes in how that person acts.

[@onbuis7636]

Best comment section

[@kat7777]

F Off usually works wonders 🤣🤣

[@elenavulpe4714]

Thank you ! 🕊💖🕊🏞🕊🌞🕊

[@flowergirl7260]

THank you.

[@micheldubois9466]

Thanks for this high qualité tips ! Lol !

[@nalinisingh284]

🙏❤️

[@jenniferwells9032]

Spot on👍❤️

[@theresarezac7502]

I dont want to say yes to the present moment, Life is too hard.

[@LUPITA-_]

Gracias ECKHART por el video como decir no,es de ayuda para no sentirse mal, una sugerencia habrá manera de tratar el tema de acumuladores compulsivos. ?? Que pasa en su interior, saludos y bendiciones

[@eckharttolle858]

Thanks for your comments Let's converse for more insight and mentorship ↗️↗️↗️↗️

[@Patriciavcb]

Learn to say yes to no.

[@TheRealDrWho]

Do you need to say sorry every time you do it or do you say no I do not want to do it...

[@saransong5547]

I think either one of those would be ok. The low quality no is when you involve the other person in your no, as an accusatory statement about their character or motives.

[@TheRealDrWho]

@@saransong5547 thanks that's nice. I do feel that if it's a "no sorry" then the other person's ego remains unchanged; where as a "no I won't" does put the other person's ego in to a state of self questioning. Maybe there are too many scenarios to think of tho.

[@juditmateospena7331]

I understand the meaning of a High quality No, but what we do if we are having the feeling/thought to say No bcause we are being used/manipulated / or whatever contradictory feeling ? ( I mean I can't mention that to tell No but still feel it inside)

[@l.s9148]

Eckart say a lot : „No I am sorry“ Why does he apologize? He is not sorry. He doesn’t want to do the babysitting and that’s okey. Saying sorry is already people pleasing. Therefore it’s a low quality no. A high quality No would be: „I don’t want to take care of your children this time because I want to spend the evening on my own“

[@Kaatkaty]

❤❤❤

[@jenniferwells9032]

I too need to say no to my 3 adult kids. I know why of course, but to do it? Hard

[@gittin_funky]

How do you say No at work? My work keep adding more tasks to my schedule, even though it is already overworked and I have raised this issue at my annual review (falls on deaf ears). What is the best strategy in this situation?

[@soupsandwich8940]

Basically by finding a job somewhere else.

[@vjcarter4657]

I think people pleasers are some of the meanest people on Earth and very egotistical.

[@teamginger6359]

Non reactive no. Simple!

[@tommasotappi221090ce]

Wow

[@mariehaverty8209]

🙏❤

[@silverlining7298]

How do I deal with my job. I get complaints alot been there 5 years. Ready to move on. But hard to get the energy to apply new jobs. Worried about gap in pay, and bills when money is coming in atm I keep staying but end up spending alot to feel happy

[@addinitrkl]

Most wants are misdirected. I want ice cream because it's cold and creamy but really I want to be soothed because I'm nervous about where my life is going and ice cream is easier than figuring out what it is that I need to do to not be a cyclical catastrophe. I want a big bowl of crunchy, salty things but really I'm just tired and what I want is to unwind and give my brain a break and feel like I have a place to set myself down. I want clothes and shoes and shiny things but really my closet is already full and what I want is something that addresses this emptiness and absence of beauty. I want a lover and a hotel room and an afternoon out of time but really what I want is to go back to when things were simpler and maybe to feel pleasure in the place of all this jagged loneliness and complexity. my brain tells me it wants something because it's easier to want that than TO DO THE WORK to identify - and quench - the want that is REAL. you can whatsapp me at 918983448057 for more clarification

[@leonardallen7380]

Okay, Just say no it's easy, Just Do it, Observation No,awareness No, conciousness no,, no looks very handsome

[@ghanem.sbaih87]

❤❤❤❤❤

[@nobodysout]

Question: does the unconscious mind arranging life in it’s chaos consciously know it’s leading to suffering?

[@addinitrkl]

You don’t have two minds, a conscious and an unconscious one. Your unconscious mind doesn’t conspire against you, to hurt you. You are you, and you are aware of some things, and you are not aware of other things. Those things you are not aware of are usually painful, scary. The reason why you are not aware of those things - emotions, memories, beliefs, ideas - that are painful or scary, is because they are painful or scary. No one wants to be in pain, no one wants to be afraid. The pain you carry, the fear, the anxiety, is a part of your mind, as much as all other aspects of you, and yes, it does influence your life as much as all other aspects of you. But your pain doesn’t do it “consciously”. Your pain is neither conscious nor unconscious - you are either conscious or unconscious. When you are conscious, you can make conscious choices and direct your life consciously. When you are unconscious, you act out automatically, you react unconsciously. When one is in pain, anxious, scared, and one acts out, reacts unconsciously, then one usually does create a mess that leads to suffering. you can whatsapp me to get more clarity on this topic 918983448057

[@nobodysout]

Thank you, I agree & when I speak of mind I do claim to not own it as mine which seems obvious when I observe the collective but where is that collective mind and is not the i that observed a part of the whole?

[@nightxmeh]

Mr duckworth

[@eckharttolle858]

Thanks for your comments Let's converse for more insight and mentorship ↗️↗️↗️↗️

[@ioambara1348]

🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️

[@josebuenfil7559]

Thanks My dear friend..for your advice...i Will SAY NO...whenever i receive a comentary or reply to what i expres especialy in this KZbin exchanges because there is a Lot OF scammers& people who use your GOOD NAME yo try to get MONEY from us that love You ..pretending it is You who is answeing...please take notice

[@jojolubjansky]

What about Conscius anger, Conscius Scream, Conscius using emotion... 👌🍀🤬

[@JosHoogwerf]

A low quality is No is No as well. I dont know how you came about Tolle

[@exhibitjean]

But what if you say no and the person says, "Why not?"

[@p.s.129]

You can than give an explanation if you want but you don't need to. "Because I don't want this" could be your answer if you really want to make it short.

[@DJ_Syncs]

I didn't get that, would someone care to explain the difference?

[@pennyc7064]

The low quality NO involves the other person in their answer, where as the high quality NO is an answer without involving the other person. As Eckhart said in his example ...can you look after my kids. The reply was, "no I don't have the time".

[@zaringonda6068]

A high quality NO, comes from non-reactivity (no anger, no judgement), it comes from a calm, peaceful and neutral state of mind.

[@sudhakar7889]

Don't follow this man's teachings even if sometimes they feel sensible. He makes you an inactive human being. Just go on enjoy your life. Following him made me miserable at times. This present moment stuff is so useless.

[@DJ_Syncs]

@@pennyc7064 I see, that makes sense.

[@DJ_Syncs]

@@zaringonda6068 You're right, that's a valid point.

[@karadiberlino]

I kind of disagree…how are ppl supposed to learn when you do not give your reasons? 🤷🏻‍♀️ As he puts it I would say I give „high quality“ (for whom is the quality „high“ anyway?) no to ppl I do not want to see again and therefor have no interest in deeper communication about the issue. Yet when I do like the ppl and hope they can reflect their attitude and LEARN i give what he calls „low quality“ no. Why is our society so perverted? Honesty seems to have become an obscenety and offense.

[@katerusse6173]

My mother wants me to get pregnant from a donor. I have so many 'low quality nos' in my head. If i say 'Im sorry but no' she will ask why and press more. What should i do?

[@p.s.129]

Tell her that a no is a no. And that you won't accept any further words from her about this otherwise you will stop talking to her completely. Prepare yourself to stop IMMEDIATELY talking to her when she gets angry or starts to talk about it another time. She will then start to think about it and change her behavior. Because she has to. She doesn't want to lose you. Maybe she will even apologize. I'm a gentle person and in my experience you need to be VERY clear as a gentle person. Otherwise others won't hear you.

[@mayaprove6925]

⚡️❤️🌎🌍🌏❤️⚡️

[@RayT70]

I don't get it. Why is it a "high quality" no to say I'm sorry but no? Coming from the guy who is all about the present moment why is it necessary to be sorry?

[@howbeing]

It’s probably just the polite way to say it. He’s talking about not reacting. No negativity. Be in your peace, be in the moment.

[@RayT70]

@@howbeing There is no sorrow in peace.

[@aaperry1]

The expression "I'm sorry, no " is casually used these days as a polite way of saying "no." "I'm sorry" is also used casually as "excuse me" like when you accidentally bump into someone. But you're right, the more traditional meaning of "I apologize" probably wouldn't be appropriate in this context, but I can't really imagine hearing Eckhart saying "I apologize" in the example he gave.

[@RayT70]

@@aaperry1 I have a theory that when someone gets enlightened it's okay to get sloppy with the words because all is healed and the words are meaningless. Whenever I say I'm sorry it triggers guilt in me. In fact just writing it feels negative. If I do something that puts another in a pit I'd rather help them out of it instead of jumping down in there with them. If I don't feel like doing something that's asked of me I'd rather just say no I don't feel like doing that. If it's the mind that awakens I must be vigilant about the state of it.

[@johngreen4683]

@@RayT70 is there any kindness in peace? Its kind, polite, friendly and nice to say sorry when you are not able to help someone as they had hoped you would be able to. Surely its the ego that struggles to use the word sorry, when it can bring so much peace for such a tiny word. 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@MM-es9mr]

This was a very low quality portrayal of the message hes trying to get across

[@raffitavityan9583]

BE DIPLOMATIC.

[@lawrencetendler7747]

High quality low quality ...just say no.

[@jojolubjansky]

He is just with beautyfull rich friends he know nothing about real life about energii...

[@pzphilipos]

It means Complete BS, high quality BS!

[@sisiftantal2733]

never apologize for everything you are not guilty of saying I am sorry I can do it anymore is wrong.

[@AlphaBettor-ik6vr]

This is a really great way to look at this, never thought of that before. Thank you!