How to Spot Covert Narcissist Personality Disorder

[@tamiemjoyce]

Hey Friends! Thanks for watching!! If this resonated with you, you'll want to sign up for the FREE WEBCLASS I'm offering on how to heal and recover from codependency and narcissistic abuse so you NEVER fall prey to emotional manipulation and psychological abuse ever again! HERE'S THE LINK: www.tamiem.info/freeclass

[@absolute3112]

Going flatline: Hmm? Now, Im realizing thats why my CN 'deaded' me, because when they would talk... I would go 'stone faced'. Just something I do naturally. lol But seeing in the context , it was a public insult to them. and this was my 1st one, so your videos are teaching me alot! Thank you

[@lauratheexplorer6390]

“As fragile as a Mack truck”...yes! You’ll actually feel like one has hit you when you’ve lived this your whole life. Autoimmune diseases/conditions such as Fibromyalgia or Lupas can result. Feeling like you have the flu, everyday. Bodily pain, nervous system on high alert constantly (draining your energy quickly.) Migraines, IBS, hormonal imbalance etc. there’s so many symptoms. Your body is trying to warn you that you’re not safe. You’ll be on so many medications & wonder why your body seems to be breaking down. Extreme fatigue. You can’t sleep enough to regain your energy. This is not just normal tiredness. This is existential exhaustion.

[@tamiemjoyce]

I completely agree. It's astounding the impact that long term exposure to narcissistic abuse can have on our physical well-being in addition to the hit our emotional, psychological and spiritual well-being takes. The mind will lie to you ALL day long, but the body... the body NEVER lies!!

[@josephineananda]

@@tamiemjoyce Alice Miller.

[@tamiemjoyce]

@@josephineananda YES!!

[@angelanicholson951]

Adrenal fatigue. M.E/cfs. Seriously weak immune system. All manner of gut problems. Arthritis. They suck the life out of you and blame you for not being up to scratch concerning them. And when you are more ill or if you need time to yourself, they'll tell you you are imagining illness and call you all mental health stuff to everyone behind your back, and how kind they are to you, and you're so difficult (projection). I've seen too many of these. They make sure they destroy you. Yet still want to be around you. SUPPLY.

[@whatistruth1155]

Most of this happened to me dealing with two narcs in my life. My sister and a coworker.

[@eagleeye2300]

One of my takeaways from a lifetime of attracting narcissists is that you cannot be loved by a healthy individual if you do not love yourself. In my last phase of life I am face to face with myself and this fact. Thank God for my wonderful doggos. And good people like this, and Holy Spirit. Blessings, all.

[@luanainspired]

So true. After a lifetime of attracting narcissists and therefore heartbreak after heartbreak, I am ready to be happily single and focus on loving myself for the rest of my life.

[@Katrn30]

I am right here with you in finally learning to love myself.

[@MikeWhiskyTango]

Wow, that might be my problem. I've attracted three narcissists over my life and felt like a monster until I finally realized the similiarity between these women and did some research and had no idea having empathy would attract such psychopathic people. Learn to love yourself, good advice, thanks.

[@shaun8062]

Thank you for sharing. Are you male or female? and did they approach you in starting the relationship? I'm a male and a very pretty one approached me and we dated for 3 months. It ended very ugly and it was the most toxic thing I've ever experienced. I think she wanted me because I am attractive but because I hold a soft, nice, meek presentation. I actually am on my way to change that because what I feel inside is not so much like that. I'm actually very mad at how badly she disrespected me and I'm hitting the gym and doing my own assertiveness training on holding my ground and filling my own space. As a man, I think it's going to be beneficial with men too, and I plan on spending a lot more time with my male friends instead of keeping a distance and always being friends with girls, which I think was a defense mechanism from a childhood where I was raised to be ashamed of masculinity.

[@ez8546]

They don't apologize, they don't forgive, they won't accept your apology, they don't admit responsibility or accountability. Someone is always "stabbing them in the back." So childish. They will never change. Don't even try to understand them or "forgive them for they know not what they do." Just turn and run.

[@billflaspohler]

I HAVE NEVER HEARD THIS IN ANY WAY BETTER. I SO HEAR YOU. I WANT MORE

[@RodneyD]

If I had only known 20 years and two kids ago!!!!!

[@tamiemjoyce]

Well, the good news is you know now!

[@RodneyD]

@@tamiemjoyce You’re painfully correct!!

[@jenbrez70]

Me too, 3 kids and 29 years later. It's never too late to be free and have peace.

[@zulemaR11]

Me 20 years too after 4 kids. When we were dating. He's sad face mask manipulated me into getting back with him over and over. And I just thought he was highly passionate for me.

[@rubberbiscuit99]

28 years and one child for me. Peace, homies!!

[@NotDone-bt2hz]

Years ago went out with a few guys just like this because they seem self-effacing and humble. Of course I realize my lack of boundaries and the family I grew up and set me up for this. Not sure if this is common but my dad was seeing pathetic sometimes and I would feel sorry for him. The rest of the time he was yelling so those times when I felt sorry for him where the only times I could feel true love for him. I think my pity for people really drew me in to the wrong people.

[@p_tiffanii]

I resonate with this statement. I used to feel pity for people. Once I realized how it was being used against me, I reframed my outlook. We should not have pity for other ADULTS. Yes, some people get dealt bad hands. However, it's important to pay attention to how they live, despite it. I can have empathy/sympathy for others. But, feeling pity is a red flag, now. I've experienced covert narcs and realize it's an emotion they intentionally elicit. They sell their hardluck/victimization woes to later exploit people and their kindness.

[@epluribusunum1460]

Their empathy is performative, either to be seen as a hero, or to comfort themselves and absolve their guilt and responsibility for the hurt they cause every day.

[@dinahnicest6525]

After my 3rd mess with narcs, I quit all relationships and looked deep inside. The most outstanding thing about my background was how strict my parents and Catholic school priests and nuns all were. I had no rights. I was entitled to nothing, and was obliged to give my all, and to expect nothing in return. I was criticized constantly. It seemed like I was always in the doghouse, and that's what I was taught to unquestioningly accept from the people who loved me the most. At the lowest point in my life, I saw a counselor who asked "What did you expect to get from the relationship?" Get? I am supposed to get something aren't I? As fate would have it, I acquired a friend at the time who was exceedingly generous to almost everyone, but he never got used. I wondered how he knows who is deserving. Obviously, it was those of us who gave something in return. None of us were able to give back equally. But we all gave something. That's the key. The give and take has to work both ways. It doesn't have to be equal, but If it's a one way street--get out. I eventually got out of the rut. Been happily married 21 years now.

[@tamiemjoyce]

I very much relate to your story, Dinah! I'm so happy that you've found your way to peace, happiness, and love! Wishing you the very best of the Holiday Season!! xx

[@angelamossucco2190]

❤❤Wonderful thank you for sharing!

[@fnafgamerking7420]

Yup "oh, woe is me" is their mantra and they put on that fragile front and use that to get you to be at their beck and call. I'm so glad I got out.

[@pamhalula5503]

Perfect description of a covert narcissist! You are very good at explaining this behavior. 💗I am thankful that I realized what I was dealing with & didn’t stay long...it was making me physically sick. After reading over 20 book on narcissist and listening to podcasts every free moment, I realized he was never going to change & got out of the marriage. It’s still hard to wrap my brain around it all. Thank you!

[@tamiemjoyce]

My pleasure, Pam! Thanks for tuning in!!

[@Teadon86]

What you're sharing about covert narcissists lacking in conscience, their inflated sense of entitlement, and their fragility reminded me of this friend of mine. He never had any great confidence and he was always extremely tense as if someone was out to get him. Often when he displayed confidence it was mean-spirited and self-serving to the detriment of others. He displayed a sense of being intellectually superior to everyone around him, except towards one of our mutual friends who was a genius to whom he acted humble. I was one of his favoured targets to randomly insult, belittle, be violent towards (This behaviour vanished as he got older), to gaslight, and put a spotlight on me in front of others as to have me defend myself. I never had much confidence. I had issues with trusting and establishing healthy relationships with people due to depression, anxiety and self-hatred. He used this to pick me apart. What I find worst about him is that he could act friendly and give me attention for quite some time to suddenly low-key bully me before others. This caused me a lot of stress. To others what he did say to me would often come off as rather innocuous or perhaps a bit rude but I doubt they understood what he did was to deeply upset my emotions by repeating an abusive behaviour he had established and maintained for years. When I tried to hold him responsible he would verbally abuse me as he hurriedly walked away with raging emotions on his sleeves. Which of course made me feel like a complete asshole. I'm happier being rid of him.

[@mdee860]

I usually listen to Dr. Les Carter 'Surviving Narcassism' or Dr. Ramani - but need to say Tamie M. is REALLY, REALLY good. Hope your subscriber #s grow because you're helping us all to learn to survive & heal - for free. I am grateful, thank you Tamie M.

[@tamiemjoyce]

My pleasure, M Dee! Thank you for your kind words!! I agree... Dr. Les Carter and Dr. Ramani are both excellent!! 💕

[@guzelmobbs2266]

Same as me . Tamie you are amazing

[@abundantangel6376]

Tamie adds a spiritual sprinkle and that makes her more special to me. Unfortunately, too many doctors and therapists forget there’s a large spiritual factor in play.

[@wendyhannan2454]

I too have listened to Dr Carter and Dr Ramani both are excellent. However I love the way Tamie takes the narcissist on, its straight to the point no nonsense stuff. That’s the approach I prefer, thank you Tamie 🙏

[@yugoslava6409]

Me too !!!!

[@randallbrinkman2570]

Yes i found out , when i decided to say no , was no longer in continuing the relationship . I recieved a apology , which really was no apology at all , they only justified their behavior . And then commenced a covert operation to destroy me , my reputation , my relationships with family , and freinds , as well as my career and future . They got it in their mind that i should continue to be committed , devoted , supportive, but don't expect anything back , don't question them , mind my business . And don't question them about theirs . They felt they deserved that , after all the years of me holding up both ends , being responsible for everything , enduring their moodiness , and inability to be intimate. So yes the devalue , sabatoge , smear. And discard It turned out to be a gift , as dealt with childhood trauma , codependacy , and came out stronger , healthier , and I know peace , joy , love , and acceptance. The ex , well she has a severe personality disorder . I fell in love with a persona , that person never existed . So their still maintaining the false image , and false narrative .

[@tamiemjoyce]

I agree, Randall! These painful and destructive experiences can be the catalyst to our personal healing and empowerment in ways we might otherwise miss out on. Kudo's to you for taking care of yourself! And thanks for tuning in!! Sending you a big virtual hug, brother!!

[@randallbrinkman2570]

@@tamiemjoyce Thank You ! We didn't have this ability to communicate 20 years ago ; The narcissists world is getting smaller , that's a good thing ! Knowledge , understanding is wisdom , that's real power ! Interesting time to be alive !

[@herminablackstock]

So true my sister,I really missed the early warning signs of this covert narcissist neighbor, but I am giving thanks for these videos on KZbin, on Narcissim.They educate me, so I know who I am dealing with.i am also dealing with a Narcissist husband,he malignant,I also miss the early signs.

[@NewMe-iq5os]

I wish I knew this before my 32 year marriage to a covert narcissist. You’ve described him exactly except he made it sound like his childhood was perfect but he was in denial. He experienced physical abuse from an alcoholic father but they appeared as adults to be the most beautiful, perfect family. It took years before I found out about the molestation, affairs, child abuse, etc from a sister. He still wouldn’t look into it and continued the perfect family storyline (as did the sisters who were abused also). Image mattered more than feelings. I lived with cognitive dissonance all of those years of marriage and I am still trying to heal the brainwashing, etc even though we’ve been divorced for 2 years. I have experienced the smear campaign, abandonment of family members that believed him, etc but they are finally seeing some of the signs. A wolf in sheep’s clothing is exactly what I was married to.

[@FIZZGIG-RARF]

There's a huge difference between being victimized and having a victim mentality. I've learned that one of the main ways to tell is if someone is making any effort to get out of the victimized state. People who constantly complain about their situation yet do absolutely NOTHING to try to make the situation better... watch out for those! They will drain you of EVERYTHING you have and every bit of energy!

[@anitasue3208]

This is so true and the case of the last one I encountered! I’m shocked I thought all narcs had to be good looking nope lol 😮😅

[@FIZZGIG-RARF]

@anitasue3208 oh yeah, absolutely not! I've met some narcs that are super uggos! There's still some reason they think they're superior.

[@gloriadonahue7241]

I'm so glad you mentioned the "sighing". I've been dealing with that for nearly 30 years. Try to explain that to someone

[@tamiemjoyce]

If they haven't lived it, they have no clue.

[@mainanteza3725]

It has been an 8month marriage after a 2year courtship. I have never heard more sighs in my entire life. I'm working on quietly and quickly ending the marriage.

[@floxendoodle942]

A year ago, I had just learned about covert narcissism and the infamous “devalue and discard,” when the mask of my friend slipped and she showed me her evil side. Ouch! What’s funny is, I had begun to suspect that she might be a narc, but I kept pushing those feelings down. After her devalue, I left her house in utter shock and I knew that this was the end of our friendship. I blocked her on everything and it’s been over a year now since I’ve seen her. That was definitely a teachable moment and, since then, I have dug deep and learned about my codependency, my childhood wounds, and my attachment style. I am taking online courses to heal and have worked the twelve steps of Celebrate Recovery, a recovery program for hurts, habits, and hang ups. Self work and self growth are definitely the keys to recognizing these people so you can avoid them in the first place! Excellent video, Tamie! Love how you articulate things! 👍

[@tamiemjoyce]

Glad you liked it, Floxendoodle! And way to go YOU!! Stay in the real work of recovery and e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. will change for the better!!

[@idinloreng4580]

You're right. They just get worse and worse. Thank you for making many videos about covert narcissists, they are the most dangerous ones indeed. I have learnt the hard way with them, never again. They are demons.

[@InvestmentTalkOnly]

I think this is a bigger issue than is commonly discussed so thanks for your insight

[@tamiemjoyce]

My pleasure! Thanks so much for tuning in!!

[@eagleeye2300]

"Go inside and do your own work." Oh, BAM. Thank you Tamie. God bless you. This video has a lot of meat!

[@tamiemjoyce]

You are so welcome! Thanks for watching!!

[@testify4234]

Great explanation! This is the story of my life. I have work to do. I have two kids by this person and he fits your definition of covert. Here are my steps to healing: Low contact, gray rock, work on myself and get inner emotional healing.

[@tamiemjoyce]

Glad you liked it, T Mac. It sounds like you're off to a good start. If you feel the need for specialized guidance and ongoing support so you can experience lasting results on your healing journey, feel free to book a 1:1 consultation here: www.TamieM.com/strategycall

[@YelenaCrawfordAstrology]

Thank you for this valuable information. I remember when I first figured out I had been in a relationship with a narcissist it was mind boggling... I had no idea what a narcissist was at that time... if it wasn't for KZbinrs like you I would have never known. Thank you for sharing this information for people!

[@tamiemjoyce]

My pleasure, Yelena! Thanks for watching!!

[@skippy8664]

One with a covert narcissist mother here. I’ve been no contact for over three years. I have to come to videos like this to get the validation she never gave me. Even now, my logic tells me it wasn’t my fault, but the feeling she left me is that I’m a terrible person, undeserving of love. It’s hard to explain to people who have adequate mothers because they can’t even imagine a mother who doesn’t care at all for the well-being of her own children. To anyone reading this who has been through a similar situation, you are not alone. There are many others who understand the pain you are going through.

[@NA-xo3zb]

Very well spoken!! Especially the victim mentality, the poor entitled me syndrome with the cunning ability to sneak up behind you, stab you in the back and then run home to their mommies, or a side fling or a parrot if its trained to listen and to validate bullshit.

[@ShishirKhadka]

Thanks for this in-depth sketch of a covert narcissist personality, Tamie. This is not something that's discussed a lot!!

[@tamiemjoyce]

My pleasure, Shishir! Thanks for watching!!

[@chrisballina8855]

Thanks for the reminder. Every time I start going in the ditch with the nark. I watch a few of your videos. I did your program and it changed my life , thank you again

[@ogbigcamo]

OMG…this is sooo accurate. I just came out of a toxic relationship just like this!!!! I left a comment about it on another video that was really good! I’ve never seen nothing like it. I think I may some codependent traits as well…because all I wanted to do was help this girl…she seemed so sweet and kind and easy going but then I would see this other side that didn’t add up to how she was trying to portray herself to be. She would use my words and turn them around on me misconstrue my explanations and I would listen to these so caller lol stories where she was the victim it was things that I picked up on that made me question her logic and thinking…I knew something was off from the get go but I tried to overlook it. The smug looks and secret quiet aggression was infuriating…she would act like she was such a great catch but she was so obsessed with validation…but I started to see her for what she really was and she didn’t like it…the long faces and silent treatments out of the blue….I would be like oh gawd what I do now…😒 it’s was so common I used to call her “Pippy Long face” cause it was almost always something she was sulking about…something I said something I didn’t do something she’s going through…but then she would get in these condescending type attitudes like I was beneath her. But just a day ago she was telling me how much of a great man I was and that she would love to marry me…I mean she knew how to stroke a man’s ego then turn around and devalue me…we would get in these arguments where I could ALMOST never get a word in because she had to make sure I understood where she was coming from it was almost like I couldn’t talk because she knew I would see through her bs…it was utterly exhausting. Thank you for these videos. They are seriously helping because I had no idea…I was duped

[@tamiemjoyce]

You're welcome! Thanks for tuning in!!

[@neoz6251]

I just wanted to say thank u. This was the reaffirmation that i needed rn. Even mos later of not seeing her i get doubts that maybe i was incorrectly assessing her but nooooooo what u say here is the truth. And yessss they will destroy u if u give them the chance.

[@carltonjames9569]

My family and I were ensnared and held captive by a covert narcissist for many years. We had no "word" for what we were experiencing but somehow, we knew something was wrong. Circumstances took us away from our captor and for awhile we felt such guilt. Eventually, we began to heal and felt so much better while not knowing why or how. Your video truly explained and made everything so clear. We now have a "word" for it.

[@tamiemjoyce]

I am so glad, Carlton! Being able to put words to our experiences is a vital piece of the healing journey. May you and your family be happy, blessed, and free, my Friend!! 😉💕

[@ProfessorTanyaSpeaks]

Yup. It's tough dealing with narcissists. Thanks for sharing, Tamie.

[@tamiemjoyce]

Isn't that the Truth! Thanks for tuning in, Tanya!!

[@whatistruth1155]

Yes, my narc sister loves to give so she can get that control over you.

[@EP61]

I thought that total no contact was going to fix everything. You helped me realize I had to heal myself. Now I’m struggling with why I was unable to see the red flags earlier. Thank you for your help.

[@tamiemjoyce]

My pleasure, Pam! I'm glad my content is helpful!! If you would like to discuss how I may be able to support you in your healing journey, feel free to use the link below to book a free consultation call with me. Here's the link: tamiem.as.me/schedule.php?appointmentType=4216728

[@MyLifeAsRaphael]

EP...time heals. You will be stronger and eventually spot them far away.

[@faithinaction100]

Ok. When you said it's easy to get sucked in and exploited, suddenly a lot of stuff from a childhood with a covert narcissist mother made sense. I was forever trying to do things to please her, at her request, or demand, and never being thanked for the effort. I only recently learned about this. But this is what conditioned me to ignore red flags and marry an overt narcissist. I'm very glad those days are long over and I've healed from that. But now mom is 86 and has dementia and doing some regular gaslighting and character assassination. Fortunately there us a golden child so As the black sheep I can stay out to pasture most of the time. Hopefully as her symptoms of dementia increase it won't get too much worse. Thank you for helping me see the mack truck/wounded child dichotomy.

[@tamiemjoyce]

Thank you for sharing this and for watching! It happens a lot that we tend to repeat the same patterns until we become aware of them and heal. ♥️

[@YUHJKT]

That happened to me at work. I saw a whole crew of about 25 people start to turn on me. I couldn't pin down exactly who was behind it but I knew the crew at the communications company was ripe with people who lacked character and sniped. It was the strangest and most disconcerting thing I've ever had happen to me in a working environment. There was so much lying and deception. Very weird. Suffered with that for about 4 years. Didn't make a lick of sense to me. I knew not to trust 90% of them. Never will I be that naive again, thinking that, under pressure, those people would not turn on one another. Definitely a learning experience. The lesson is that if you see people that don't demonstrate character, such as, they don't speak up when something is wrong, don't stand their ground, aren't trustworthy, aren't honest, and never have your back, kick them to the curb and move on. If that means getting a different job, so be it.

[@briansalazar7397]

You just described my similar work experience and God and my solid Christian mentor has guided me through the learning laboratory much more successfully than I alone would have and I’ve become much more stronger, self aware and thoughtful of how God wants to be glorified and how I should be a faucet open to what I should share and not a firehose, my own emotionally based opinions and baggage.

[@yugoslava6409]

So powerful description of covert narcissist. I wish I have known all those facts 40 years ago. I mean, that their behaviour is not OK and that it has name. And that there was no point in trying to change it. I feels like forcing yourself into the fire squad millions times over and dying million deaths yet not understanding that it is never ever going to change but you still keep trying again and again and again. I wish that one of my therapist just told me what YOU have done in this fantastic video- I could have avoided so much hurt I have gone through !!!! After learning what I have learned through you tube videos, I have been going through so many a-ha monents- it is life changing. Thank you so much for your work- it means a world to people like me !!!

[@tamiemjoyce]

You're welcome! I'm glad my videos are helpful!! 💕

[@harryzero8829]

This is one of the best videos ive watched on covert narcissism, absolutely spot on.. Thanks for sharing

[@tamiemjoyce]

Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for the positive feedback!!

[@ericnorthman9410]

Covert narcissist seems almost more very evil because it is so sneaky to make you think they are something else completely

[@tamiemjoyce]

That has often been my experience too, Eric.

[@thiefonthecross7552]

They seem so vulnerable in the beginning when they are the exact opposite. Fucking snakes.

[@kathryncothern3433]

Oh, I have lots of experience with a Covert Narcissist… took a lot longer timeframe to unravel, as it was unsettling for soooo long for this Empath. I couldn’t put my finger on it…knew something wasn’t right. When I finally figured it out, it all made sense why it was so unsettling inside of me. As an Empath, talk about wanting to find an answer. I used my gut intuition and held my ground. He called me “complicated “ since he couldn’t break me. Oh my gosh… he was always the victim. It was everyone else’s fault. Oh the stories and whining. I saw what he would have seen in the mirror if he was emotionally mature and sound. THANK GOODNESS I unraveled him and finally walked away!!! Never looked back… ❤

[@leanneb9111]

Brilliant video!!!. I unfortunately fell right into the trap. And it hurt like hell. Hope I NEVER get myself into that manipulative disgusting mess again.thank you so much. Will be listening to this over and over again.

[@carolinesullivan7106]

This type can be a big bully too…makes you pay for what they feel they lacked.

[@Fclwilson]

This is good information. Those of us with disabilities will most likely encounter covert narcissists. I know I have. You are describing someone I have known.

[@billieburgess2075]

I try to live as the glass is half full not the glass is half empty mind frame. Face it no matter how bad we might think we have it, someone in the world has it worse. But never allow yourself to be abused stand up for yourself , bottom line their all bullies.

[@weluvmusick]

I have know a female that has been a perpetual victim for almost 2 decades and also check nearly all the other boxes you touched on thank God I’m able to easily go no contact

[@fabshelleyg]

Perpetual victim 💯

[@gailrosenberg48]

BRAVO! Of the many, many videos I have watched on covert narcissism, this is by far the most comprehensive from an experiential point of view. I periodically like to re-watch this kind of material because as time passes, I tend to "pink cloud" myself, forgetting just how bad it was for most of my adult life so far and I start to feel sorry for the man who crushed my soul. I have bookmarked this one and subscribed. Doing the inner work is a must for empaths to heal and hold on to boundaries. Self-partnering. Tamie is a gem.

[@tamiemjoyce]

I'm SO glad you liked it, Gail! Keep traveling the road to your BEST life as your BEST self!! And YES... do whatever it takes to stay out of the "codependent amnesia" zone. You've got this!! xx

[@gailrosenberg48]

@@tamiemjoyce "codependent amnesia"---well put and quotable.

[@wendellmontgomery4172]

The best vid on covert narcs I have ever seen; and I have seen “a few” !! Thanks Tamie !

[@1984musicman]

You are absolutely wonderful. So eloquent and so knowledgeable. Very healing, thank you so much.

[@tamiemjoyce]

My pleasure! Thanks for watching!! 💕

[@ortallevitan1]

Thanks for explaining this! I didn't know so much went into discovering and recognizing covert narcissit personality disorder

[@tamiemjoyce]

My pleasure, Ortal! Thanks for tuning in!!

[@truthiseverything9511]

STANDING OVATION!! Thank you!!!

[@ajkraz9855]

Awesome info for such a destructive pandemic that's crippling the social fabric of this world. I wish we had access to these kinds of videos about 30 years ago!

[@ernarc23]

I am loving your videos, Tamie. Right on the money!

[@arizonanative7409]

You have described my sister to a T. I just have no way to separate from her. I do the best I can.

[@elizabethbowie9753]

Perfect description of my neighbor & I've learned this on my own, from experience. Just found this channel last week & you Clarified Everything Exactly!!! A few mos. ago, I realized her manipulation & quit even saying hello to her. So now she's fake smiling & sweet talking to everyone else, but going thru her smear campaign with them about me. 🙄🙄🙄 . I did nothing but help & encourage her for 2+1/2 yrs, to of no avail. She's snookered Everyone we know around here. I was sick of it, so I don't even look at her or say hello. I feel like I lost 300 lbs.!!! ( She's taller, & way fatter than me). I literally lost wt., since I did that. I eat healthy, but I still have bellyfat. I knew it had more to do with stress... & I'm 68. She's 13 yrs younger than me. I was never that fat when I was her age. Anyway, I cld write a book on what I've learned in the last 2 years!! My belly is literally shrinking, & not full tension & stress. Emotions affect our physical body, not just foods!! I was raised by a narc dad, then married one... so I've learned a lot; but you clarify things... and remind us, we're Not the crazy one!! To me, That's the ultimate sign. They're the Crazy ones, but they've got it down to Their "artform," to make everyone around them, think they're the Crazy!! They'll never go to theropy, but everyone around them ends up in Theropy!!! Thanks again for clarifying!! 💗💗💗

[@steeltownmombl]

First time here. Liked and subscribed. Shocked to find I am doing low-contact and grey rock in tone with the narcissist. This has removed so much negativity and stress from my life.

[@tamiemjoyce]

Welcome, Steeltowner! Thanks for tuning in!! 💕

[@larrywhittemore9362]

Exactly the temperament of the salesman...

[@surfshack2]

As the relationship moves along you will see things in conversation or things that they do just that seem off. And you keep ignoring the signs. It’s only after events or things that happen in the relationship that have real consequences that you can’t unsee it. That’s when you start to become hyper vigilant and realize something’s wrong. My gut and subconscious instinctively started moving away but the trauma bond has you hooked. I never want to experience that ever again.

[@JennyWren333]

NOW I understand gray rock. Thank you!!!

[@lawrencedavis5459]

If I had known this 2 years ago I would have saved myself from grief, heartbreak, financial and emotional abuse.

[@robina.disotell5683]

This is what was reiterated by the last Covert narc that crossed my path within the FIRST MONTH.... 1) Of course the victim story -they only highlight themselves and what they went through even true tragic situations. For example grandma may be in the hospital, but they suffered more because of lack of sleep and time spent doing insurance paperwork. What grandma went through is irrelevant. 2) In conversation or as third party observer, unusually dramatic responses (threatening with legal action, reporting to authorities, etc) to STOP unpleasant situations. Ex: a bill collector, delayed deliveries, a busy waitress 3) Soul-binding verbal future-faking, while investing ZERO efforts on their own - usually justified by some emergency 4) Absolute disrespect for our time - always late, doesn't call when agreed, no-shows 5) We empaths are ALWAYS on the back burner following the future fake/love-bombing - usually countered with gaslighting and/or bread-crumbing 6) Incapability to take personal responsibility when kindly asked to explain lack of dependability behavior - again the victim role is employed for "excuses" 7) triangulation - beware of whom they met in your circle! 8) no life-long friends 9) no conversation on how amazing/talented/precious anybody in their life is. If we mention how nice such&such is, the convo will always end in degrading criticism about the person you complimented 10) they think it's ok to break the law "a little bit" Ex: not needing licenses/permits to perform professional tasks I was fortunate and educated enough to pull back in a graceful manor. (Boy did I have to bite my tongue) An acquaintance directly shot off in her face in front of other frustrated client's. Sadly, I just found out that her apartment was raided by cops for drugs last week. (Thankfully she can prove it is medically prescribed), But this will lead to permanent police reports and full exposure to a part of her life she kept mostly private as a successful business owner. The only reason the narc even knew, was because she wanted to know the process of how her depressed patient's could legally get Sativa through doctors. It was turned against her. Heed Tamie's guidance! Gray rock and no contact are definitely the least destructive ways to get them out of our lives.

[@fringedwellermccatintyre730]

I actually learned most of the things you speak of, in terms of the Narcissy characters, and how to deal with them. But - it took me 10 years at least, probably, 12. If we'd had the net back then, and had I discovered you then, it would have saved me so much anguish, and struggle. I'm so glad you're here, and if appropriate, I'll pass your link on in a heartbeat!

[@tamiemjoyce]

Thank you! And yes please do feel free to share the links if you thing the content will be helpful to anyone you know!! 💕

[@halasarabi6976]

I can't believe what i just heard. I wish i found this 2 years ago

[@weluvmusick]

I’m so incredibly inspired by your videos thank you so much

[@tamiemjoyce]

You are so welcome!

[@davetorchia9985]

Tammie you are the greatest,a true gift from god,you presented it so well,love you tamie❤️

[@thepiperofsimms9974]

They are zombies on a mindless mission. Lock your doors, bar the windows. Better yet, move. Yes, they are truly tortured souls. Thank you Tamie. So well done. Yuma, AZ.

[@tamiemjoyce]

You're welcome! Thanks for tuning in!!

[@clauddia88t]

I don't think they have a soul.

[@f8fulyurs]

Ok you are so spot on! And Im also in the mental health field. I love the part that it is on the spectrum because that is so true. So it depends on the person. Subtleties can be hard to see.

[@tamiemjoyce]

They can be for sure! It gets easier when you know what you're looking for. Fundamentally it boils down to this... is there a pattern of behavior traits indicitive of destructive narcissism? And NEVER ignore red flags!! Glad you enjoyed it, f8fulyurs! Thanks for tuning and and taking the time to comment!!

[@goodwilltriumph2842]

OMG you are 100% describing the most recent narc that came into my life! Took me about six months but I got it and got the person out of my life!

[@devidaughter7782]

"pull as much gold out of the experience as you possibly can, in service to yourself and others moving forward "(24:16)

[@tamiemjoyce]

Exactly! Thanks for watching, Erika! Happy New Year!! xx

[@kathiewalli8746]

I’ve been watching and sharing your videos for a few months now Thank you thank you thank you Your videos I understand They have helped me so……….much!!!!!!!! Best explanations with examples and what to say and how to act

[@lgls23]

I’d give this a hundred thumbs up if I could. This information is a great overview and pretty complete description of a covert narcissist…👍🏻

[@dj7033]

Great video. Thank you. I’m trying to get out of this situation

[@tamiemjoyce]

You're welcome, DJ! Glad it was helpful!!

[@jennywager6228]

Joined the dots and pulling the gold for sure x

[@InHisService772]

I had to actually track behaviors for over a year by writing down everything that I was experiencing with the covert narcissist I was married to for over 11 years in order to recognize that I was dealing with a covert narcissist. He was EXTREMELY cunning, deceptive and manipulative. After tracking his behavior for over A YEAR, I began calling him out and trying to hold him accountable for it. I wanted to see if he would acknowledge the behavior. I thought perhaps he didn’t know he was doing these things. When I did that, he became even more childish, even more entitled and lacking in empathy. Finally the mask slipped and he would rage 😡. Then the final discard happened to me. I was SHOCKED. But I immediately and I do mean immediately went no contact (very, very low) and haven’t looked back. I have learned a great deal from the experience and glad that it is behind me!!

[@chenougaaicha4352]

Finally, a person who knows what she's talking about ! Thank you this really helped 🙏❤️

[@Drostvideo]

good tips to know who you are dealing with

[@tamiemjoyce]

Thanks for tuning in, Drost!!

[@nuegaifuentes9738]

Another great video. I tried one of your techniques and it shut her down immediately. Proof it works which I guess is a win. But I guess I am not looking to win so much as free myself from a situation I put myself in. I will continue to watch and learn. I really appreciate what you have put together here. It is helping and giving me the tools I need to cope until I can fully free myself from a mess I put myself into.

[@tamiemjoyce]

I'm so glad you're finding my content helpful, Nuegai! Thanks for tuning in!! 😉

[@goodwilltriumph2842]

Wonderful video. Loved the conclusion about us not wanting to be the ones perpetuating this stuff in the world!

[@tamiemjoyce]

Glad you liked it! Thanks for tuning in!!

[@amandastein6247]

You’re so accurate, good info 😊

[@tamiemjoyce]

Thanks, Amanda! Glad you liked it! Happy New Year!! xx

[@somanyinsights1670]

Every single thing you say is true. It's almost like they are all the same, predictable and textbook with no individuality. Scarey. Run for the hills.. Empath here that now has boundaries, even though at times they tried to tell me that I had past issues. I just kept saying, nope, not me I'm afraid. Go project somewhere else.

[@thenutritionspot]

Super interesting Tamie!!

[@tamiemjoyce]

Thanks! Glad you liked it!!

[@nishhhhhhhhhhhh]

It was very accurate and helpful, thank you

[@reading7324]

Great video on covert narcissism!

[@rhondanerren4797]

Excellent explanation!

[@grainnenifhartharta4444]

This is a brilliant clear video of the Covert, very insightful

[@tamiemjoyce]

So glad you liked it, Grainne Kate Quinn! Thanks for tuning in!!

[@jotaylor3977]

Fantastic help, thank you

[@seanj11421]

It happens to the best of us. These people had better be glad there are laws in place to protect them physically from the pain and suffering they’ve inflicted on the people that genuinely loved them!

[@riazali4362]

Amazing video and amazing person, thank you!

[@tamiemjoyce]

You're welcome, Riaz! Thanks for tuning in!! 😉💕

[@seeing1111]

I mentioned so many signs that I witnessed not understanding what it was and I also mentioned she would not change if her life depended on it. 5 years since the discard started and I've understood this attitude for 2 years now. The biggest thing is she actually got sick 3 years ago having the perfect excuse to be a victim. It's so messed up however I see them coming more than ever understanding which I feel is an unfortunate fortunate deal. Thank you again

[@tamiemjoyce]

My pleasure, Mak!!

[@cjones7389]

This is so spot on. It was insightful and eye opening. It covered member's of family and some of my past romantic relationships and allowed me to see a pattern within myself that I had never made the connection with. I was not aware of gray rock as a tool and or setting boundaries but will implement those along with low contact and no contact as needed. Thanks for sharing.

[@tamiemjoyce]

You're welcome!!

[@jjmjblessed1179]

I know a narcissist that plays victim so hard it should be illegal!!! This person knows I know… So when this person gives me the silent treatment I love it!! Then I don’t have to hear the latest victim stories and I can live in peace.

[@kimtaylor1534]

Omg you are really on point!!!

[@marciamellow1211]

You explain soooooo well!

[@tamiemjoyce]

Thanks, Marcia! And thanks for tuning in!!

[@sebastienl.777]

Thank you for explaining the difference between a covert and someone who’s actually been abused because a part of me was beginning to question whether if I was one or not.

[@peterbuilttough3406]

Lol..She had me convinced that I was crazy..

[@seanj11421]

You are NOT alone! What makes it worse is once you’re gone, you can’t go back and give them a piece of your mind.. We just have to live with it, while they’re laughing at us. Best of luck my friend.

[@guntertorfs6486]

Great video. Very recognizable.

[@themmydiedrichs8107]

I am empath my mother is a covert narcisist. Everything is about her. She abuses me since i can remember. She broke my spirit. And i only realized that 44 years later...

[@tamiemjoyce]

I am sorry for your pain, themmy! Please take good care of yourself! You can heal... you just have to do the work!! 💕

[@robina.disotell5683]

I learned at 45. I'm in my 50's now....I promise, life is so much better than we could ever imagine. Take the journey!

[@tamiemjoyce]

@@robina.disotell5683 YES!!

[@TheMary0831]

I think we have a LOUD but covert narcissist in our office. She is wreaking havoc, but most of the people cater and kow-tow to her, because they don't know what a narc is. I have her number, and she won't be messing with me. thank you SO MUCH for this. I will have to figure out how to deal with her as we work in the same area. I think she already figured I am onto her, because she messes with others in front of me, but not me. It's terrible, she messes with my supervisor, and he keeps apologizing for her. Talk about a sick relationship. She's also trying to make him into her little flying monkey.

[@BijahD]

One of the best vids I've ever seen on this topic. TY

[@malaniadoo4731]

Hi tamie great video

[@tamiemjoyce]

Thank you so much, Mala!! 🙂

[@mcdee56]

Nice work! Clear and concise!

[@tamiemjoyce]

Thank you! Thanks for tuning in!!