How to stop being a nice guy: a man must make peace with being alone

[@OliverCowlishaw]

Being a nice guy people pleaser has its roots in your shadow-the parts of yourself you’ve been avoiding. If you're ready to confront those hidden fears and finally make peace with being alone, start today with my free 31-day shadow work journal. Dive deep, heal emotional wounds, and reclaim your authentic self. Download here: bit.ly/3ZQ54cx

[@KJ-pu8dw]

Many men are in crap relationship situations but remain in it due to fear of being alone. Many in my family are this way. I broke that chain.

[@brainiac31K]

Very wise, and true in my own direct experience. Married for 21 years, then brutally divorced I’ve come to value the quiet, the peace. Giving myself the validation I sought from others. Letting go of the ego.

[@OliverCowlishaw]

Beautiful, mate.

[@placer7412]

2:50 thanks for saying that. I needed to hear that from someone else

[@OliverCowlishaw]

Society detests a needy man. It's simply the truth. This is why men need to support each other.

[@benjamindsouza6736]

Meditation is key if one is to be comfortable with oneself.....within oneself. Resting in awareness/ Pure Consciousness/Spirit/Presence/higher Self/whatever one chooses to call it, the feeling of loneliness might arise but one observes it as a condition of the mind/lower self, rather than being overwhelmed by it, & sooner or later it passes away....& even if it stays for a while one is still at peace in the Self!

[@YakisobaSoldier]

I’m on day 10 of the shadow journal you made and I know understand how helpful journaling can be. Thank you bro

[@OliverCowlishaw]

Thankyou for sharing. Journaling changed my life and I hope it has the same effect for others.

[@KyleValet]

graded exposure!!! brilliant....

[@DiamondMind630]

Thanks for the great content Oliver I would say I struggle being alone with my thoughts but I actually want to move out and be more alone I unfortunately have alot of debt so working on paying it down.

[@jfn467]

This does not only apply to men, but to everyone, grow up, figure yourself out, live to the point where you understand that you need NOBODY to live your life in full!

[@edineauthentic]

Great video mate. I used to not value my alone time and would save the joy for when I was with others. Then, as I'm continuously valuing and appreciating being with myself, I find some activities more fun to do alone (besides masturbating lol). Your advice is great, and to add to my experience, I'd challenge the guy reading this to sit down with himself without any distractions. Not even meditation. Just sit and observe the sensations that come up. For me these sensations are tense and I start to think about things I want to do. Then I advise him to continue sitting, not to rush through it so he can do something else, but to actually try to find satisfaction in sitting. I find that this practice helps slow down, because if you're always running then you will ultimately run into your own grave.

[@johnjennings9693]

Good job thank you,

[@OliverCowlishaw]

No problem 👍

[@funcereal]

Thanks helps me give permission to pull back from a family member from idk how much time but prioritize myself first regardless of the "disruption" that may insue

[@zoidMonkey]

Good to hear from you again Oliver!

[@OliverCowlishaw]

Thanks, mate.

[@annabellacrewe8858]

Not being a man, I am very grateful for your talk, because many men have the problem with being alone - but they dont talk about it, at least not those in my generation; it is shameful ! ...Many grave problems couls be avoided by recognising it and rehearsing solitude....FOR women as well !! Thank you ❤

[@OliverCowlishaw]

Absolutely.

[@RS-ms1bz]

Maybe the younger generations, but men in their 40s and older have no problem whatsoever being alone. In fact, they crave it and seek it out. Having endured women and their toxicity for a few decades has driven older men to want to just be left alone, and are thriving doing just that.

[@CMvE]

Hey, nice video... Me myself am fine being alone... - try to work towards goals and plans when your being alone, it really works nice 😎👍🙂

[@OliverCowlishaw]

Thanks for sharing.

[@KofJ-e5w]

I have the opposite problem, I am only comfortable being alone. Interestingly, I am also a people pleaser but my motivations are to avoid attention or confrontation of any kind. I wonder if the root cause of fear of solitude and fear of others is similar. Thanks for the interesting video and thought provoking ideas!

[@jezza4604]

I would strongly recommend for your spirituality to read some of the great Catholic Saints - St. John of the Cross, St Teresa of Avila, St. Francis de Sales. Really great stuff.

[@placer7412]

I remember when my ex told me, not in an obviously malicious way, that it was "odd" I wasn't okay with being myself - I think it was because I mentioned how lonely things had been, no I wasn't trying to say anything other than what was literally true - I didn't have any friends in the area/in contact with. I just found it 'funny' (read infuriating) that a woman who jumped from relationship to relationship throughout her teen and young adult years was making that sorta judgement about me - somebody who felt like they had been alone in many respects all this time. I only ever had two short relationships. It still bothers me - I guess because its partly true. I *would* love to spend more time around people and feel less alone and yet that has kinda always been something that nagged at me. How much I wanted to experience life with a girl but just didn't have the body/personality to get one. It was also kinda true about my ability to relate to other men. Now someone projecting their own lack of confidence inadvertenly hit a vulnerable part of my self and I still struggle with this thought years later. I guess I was just curious if you had any insight Oliver.

[@placer7412]

What makes someone chase sexual experiences with other people is a fear of solitude - but I also have a desire to live life passionately. That feels like that would include many woman from all of the world ideally lol. Am I just afraid and playing semantics? I honestly....I dunno. I do feel like a hedonist.

[@placer7412]

oof yeah I guess hoping to be saved from isolation might describe me though. Yeah thats a tough buck to deal with

[@italico2792]

I feel lonely. I've been single my entire time. I think I need connections because I spend too much time alone. I feel a vacuum tho, it's the absence father wound that tells me I need to change my relationship with my father but it's so hard

[@waldBestMusics]

Difficulty to be alone, i am not sure what to do and try to flee into the distractions, what can you advice me ?

[@pazuzu126]

Have you written a book, sir? I feel like you are saying things I desperately need to hear.

[@OliverCowlishaw]

@@pazuzu126 Not yet. But I will!