Thanks Oliver. I love you bro

so basically, you grow up when you become sisyphus

The first time a woman treats you some kind of way leave her. She is showing you what to expect from her. Do not tolerate disrespect. If she doesn't value you leave.

If you need a course on how not to be a nice guy than you are a Simptoid.

I grew up being nice because I didn't respect myself. I allowed disrespect to happen. When I recognize somebody disrespecting me now, I just say "don't talk to me like that."

I don't like this whole "nice guy" vs "confident guy" false dichotomy. It assumes that we get pushed around because we're not being "man" enough, and if only we would "man up" then we'd have succesful relationships with women. The problem there is that it means trying to replace one power dynamic with another. The problem is that in relationships if you can't communicate your feelings and your boundaries, then the relationship will become toxic because there is no communication, and so you and your partner are living in parallel realities that cannot be bridged. It has nothing to do with being "nice". It's not a weakness to be "nice". If you're just being "nice" to keep someone in your life, that isn't "nice" at all. It's controlling and codependent behaviour, and it causes resentment, and the disrespect you receive actually stems from your own actions. The mature perspective on it is to realise that if you can't feel comfortable enough to just be yourself, or safe enough communicate your own needs, then there is no potential for a relationship, and you can just walk away. You don't have to change your "strategy". If most people understood this, much fewer people would actually stay in long term relationships.

You speak a lot of sense. New Subscriber mate, look forward to hearing more of your videos.

Thank you so much for this. I have been holding onto some extreme emotions lately (mostly grief, guilt and anger) and this helped me to release some of it through tears. I did this before sleep as I knew I had to release them now, so I'll come back to them tomorrow. At least now I'll be able to fall asleep

cuz they give u a free drink lol

and yet you've got 500 views....

Summary: because you respect yourself, show up for yourself, deal in the truth, take responsibility, and refuse to wallow in victimhood, you dis-attract others who do not and you tolerate none of this in your relationships with others.

its hard to be consistent thou sometimes you can do these things other times not

💯💯💯💯All facts spit! Great video, 100% agreed.

Thank you Oliver you help many.

Yeah but men have no more voice today, meanwhile Feminism teach women to step on men.

As a woman I feel this applies for me too

"You need to live as if your father is dead"; this hit the nail on the head. Thanks dog

Love ya ❤

Being nice was a survival technique to protect myself from my narcissistic mother and alcoholic dad. I didn’t realize this until I was 29 years old.

5 day "kill the nice guy" mini-course here: www.olivercowlishaw.com/free-mini-course/

the reason someone accepts emotional abuse is because of marriage!

Makes so much sense, spot on 👍

Too many women are spoilt and entitled. Been told they are so special, which they are not. Due to Simps letting them get away with it. Women will actually respect men more if you stand up to them and don't tolerate their nonsense. Men are the prize. Men built societies! Hence men should respect each other as well.

Lots of respect for the work you are doing Oliver, I'm on a similar mission myself, this is the year momentum builds, keep changing lives brother you're doing some incredible things for so many. Sending love 💪💪

Thank you so much, this was so helpful. I can finally see that it wasn't all my fault, no matter how much she'd explain away her behavior and blame me. I've been blamed for so much I really thought if I could just be nicer, more patient, more tolerant then she wouldn't be mad or distant from me. I have lost trust in my feelings, seeing them as irrational. I could give a 100 examples like your restaurant story. Man, being validated like this is such a relief.

Thus is so good because my most abusive relationships has been with women😢

New skill 10 mins/day

Didn't watch the whole thing, but coming from a single mother whose mode of communication was constant yelling, I learned to stand my ground. I think that was your problem. You need to stand your ground. In my relationship, I yell. I apologize. She yells. She apologizes. And until the matter is resolve, *things do not go like nothing happened*. You stay stubborn and make sure the matter is resolved. The matter is resolved when both of you understand each other. I do not accept the cold shoulder. I got very pissy when I was given the cold shoulder for more than a day and I made that known. We can delay communication when things get heated. But communication ought to happen.

I don't feel anxiety anymore and I feel I can be authentic again

As a woman who's been in quite a few mentally and emotionally abusive relationships like this with men, because it was always men causing the abuse for me, I never really stopped to realize that men can be treated this way by women as well, it's just not spoken about as often or taken as seriously, but I appreciate people like you speaking on it and I'm sorry you went through these experiences ❤😢

Difficulty to be alone, i am not sure what to do and try to flee into the distractions, what can you advice me ?

You look like your best freind is ariana chiquito.

I never had a gf and i probably never will but I've never blamed women personally of everything but in my opinion pretty much all woman these days never try to see it from a male perspective but i blame society for it especially social media qnd dating sites

We love women here

As a woman who was in an emotionally absuive sapphic relationship this all applies to how I felt. I originally clicked this to be self aware of my own behaviors because of that past relationship but all the things you've said are exactly how I felt when with her.

Hi mate, been watching all your videos and it’s amazing stuff, keep it up. I think a good topic to look in to may be how the Mr. Nice guy patterns develop during the pregnancy period between man and woman / husband and wife. Due to the physiological, emotional and aesthetic demands it places on the mother. The father feels guilty for the sacrifices the mother is making and feels he needs to compensate in other areas. Well meaning nice guy habits form with good intention but then those patterns may extend past pregnancy and be become toxic. Respect and balance is then lost.

Runaway now

Thank you Oliver!

I feel like I don’t know how to hold enough space for an emotional attachment with a romantic partner. So until I stop self obsessing and deal with insecurities it’s probably for the best that I stay single. A ‘who did what’ dynamic sounds like a nightmare.

Don’t talk about me like that no, that’s not me at all lol

My loving, kind & talented brother is married to an abusive woman. It truly breaks my heart. He's on & off depression meds. My husband keeps saying there's a reason he's staying w/her. We've mostly lost him to her control. I've watched my elderly mom grieve him as they/we used to be so close. Is there anything I can do to help him? He can only call family members when he's walking or go into the store, so I can't call him because he won't answer. 😢 She sees all of his emails. 😢

All the abuse and toxicity a man has to go through to become THIS strong! Thanks Oliver. You have helped me on my path to emotional freedom and healing.

1. "No" without explanations. Direct, unqualified. Backed up with teeth. No timid passive approval-probing ("if it's ok/unless it's not ok with you...") or fake-agreeableness ("I'd love to but <made up milquetoast excuse>"). Boundary setting with no apologies because you value yourself more than the other person's disappointment with you. 2. No seeking approval/validation from others for every decision. You don't need anyone else's acknowledgment/affirmation regarding the validity of your needs and decisions to meet them. Self-respect first. Respect and/or disappointment from others next. But validation is never the goal. 3. You can feel discomfort/anxiety in the face of a difficult situation or person, and not run from it. No avoidance strategies. You are willing to have difficult conversations, willing to bear an outcome of rejection or failure. You can stand in the fire and lead yourself out of immature, soothing avoidance. 4. You say what you really think. No self-monitoring, self-editing, filtering to avoid disagreements. No split attention. 5. Prioritizing yourself without guilt about "being selfish". Your needs and happiness do matter. You build the life and pursue the goals that align with your authentic self. Recovery is not loud. It is not a massive, grand gesture. It's quiet, subtle, powerful, and happens over time. The way water shapes rock.

I have a huge heart and gave my girl the benefit of the doubt too many times I think that relationship was necessary to teach myself the skills of being more assertive and avoiding the signs if I ever see them again

Thank you! Greetings from Switzerland

Keep away from the energy vampires in 2025! 🎉🎉🎉

"Meditation is a non negotiable ", thanks for the reminder 🙏🏾

Hot take: to truly heal, you’ve got to leave the abusive relationship. Abusers are hyper attuned to their prey, and know every button to push. As soon as their prey starts to grow, they will sabotage it. In my experience, it is a requirement of true healing. But for a moment, if we entertain the idea that someone would be able to heal entirely in the abusive relationship, the relationship itself would be completely intolerable to a healed person. It would feel like continuous daggers and emotional turmoil. Either way, that relationship is likely going away. I think deep down in the nice guy, abuse victim, is the belief that they can “change” the abuser. This delusion will get shattered when a person walks the path of healing and sees how much work it is to heal themselves. Godspeed to all my brothers out there walking this path. Keep going. Don’t lose heart. You’re not alone out there.

We are not animals.

Watch out for the bi polar ones , they don’t even like being around themselves