How To Stop Fighting and Arguing In a Marriage

How To Stop Fighting and Arguing In a Marriage
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In this video I demonstrate what NOT to do and what you can do in a fight with your spouse or partner. How to stop fighting quickly in a relationship.

[@somethought]

Wow that's awesome. I love love love that you show men (and women) how to take responsibility and communicate effectively. This is amazing

[@JaysonGaddis]

thanks anastasia

[@boner1952]

My wife was a military veteran for 15 years, and was divorced twice. She then spent 20 years unattached. I met her and we got married after a short courtship. Several of my friends said that she and I weren't suited. I disagreed, but it seems they were right. We argue all the time, almost daily. I try the time out method, but she just follows me and continues chirping in my ear. We are in counseling, but it doesn't seem to help. I am at my wits end how to make this relationship work.

[@jeremyariche4332]

Yeah society has pretty much painted men as the oppressive manipulator. But women have just as equal if not bigger egos and can be just as mean and condenscending. Wish there was better help. I think alot of men are trapped in emotionally dragging marriages and don't have an outlet to voice their concerns and nor given tools to deal with issues in the appropriate manner

[@thetwiztedsnowman]

When I walk away or she does I absolutely look at the situation and start the process of self evaluation and think about why I’m feeling the way I do. We never resolve anything because we don’t set a time when to reopen the conversation. This has been going on for years. Having the same fights over and over and over without ever fulfilling the needs, wants, issues that need taken care of so the fight doesn’t happen again. When I bring up an issue, she counters it with something that’s upsetting her instead of working on the issue I just brought up. If she had an issue or need that she was passionate about and brought it up to me first I would gladly help resolve whatever bothered her. She doesn’t bring up her issue until I bring up mine, then it’s a counter. Every time. I wouldn’t dismiss her feelings by telling her “you shouldn’t feel that way” or “I didn’t think it was a big deal” and turn the entire fight around making her feel like it’s her fault or expect her to just “get over it”. 22 year relationship should run a bit smoother shouldn’t it?

[@JaysonGaddis]

Ouch, thanks for sharing your experience with us

[@kennybranshaw7526]

This doesn't work with my wife... We are so disconnected I feel like I am living with a lodger or roommate. And by the way -- she is always right.

[@jaymorpheus11]

kenny branshaw Jake the Snake method... slap her and she becomes a better woman. She listens now doesn’t she? Hahah just kidding

[@catherinerivera6646]

Kudos for the Video clip! Sorry for butting in, I would appreciate your opinion. Have you ever tried - Wansaac Ponuke Scheme (probably on Google)? It is an awesome exclusive guide for learning intimate questions to improve life with a a negative life partner minus the hard work. Ive heard some amazing things about it and my buddy at very last got cool results with it.

[@kieranhimself3655]

Shit mine knows everything to

[@JaysonGaddis]

Stay strong!

[@sk-dp1bd]

Then you need Redpill

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Love how you suggest that people look within first!

[@JaysonGaddis]

Thank you. it's key.

[@fabiusso84]

This is the best video. I have been wanting something like this, clear with practical examples for years. Thank you. May it spread far and wide and help many struggling couples.

[@lovemecom3832]

That's right. One of you should lower their pride and take time to think what is best for your relationship because at the end of the day its just you and your partner.

[@celiaescalante]

There are specific things that cause couples to lose their relationship, but are general enough to rehabilitate. This video is awesome! We need more videos like this on every relationship issue or bad thing. 👍

[@JaysonGaddis]

Thanks!!

[@kathleenmiller9888]

When my husband does that “time-out” sign in my face it’s terrifying for me. He’s never physically abused me but I was abused in the past, and maybe that’s why. A less aggressive approach to timeout would be to take her hand, look her in the eye and tell her you need a timeout. Telling your partner how long you would be gone was respectful towards her, as was everything else you said and did.

[@kieranhimself3655]

If I attempted to take my wife's hand in a argument she would probably kill me

[@JaysonGaddis]

Stay strong!

[@wordlogicvee]

what do you do when your partner follows you into your space when you are trying to collect yourself? it just fuels my fire even more, it is hard to keep cool

[@JaysonGaddis]

you're boundaries have to get stronger.

[@thebrinksf69]

@@KB-ih5gf If that's what it requires, you do what's needed.

[@amberenergyhealertarot6617]

@@JaysonGaddis of course, but how exactly do you enforce those boundaries when you have a partner who is bigger or more aggressive or less emotionally intelligent than you who doesn't understand this whole pause and reflect.? Or a partner who will use that time to find more reasons that you are at fault by ruminating on the previous issue that you paused with? Since a lot of couples are not on identical plans of understanding when it comes to healing work in their relationship. Could you maybe refer us or create a video that discusses this? Very very great video though! Thank you for sharing It was explained very nicely and thoroughly

[@JaysonGaddis]

@@amberenergyhealertarot6617 watch my new videos on gaslighting and stonewalling please.

[@krazzyhoneyfresh45]

I really like how there are examples and what not to do and what should be done.

[@JaysonGaddis]

Amazing! Thanks!

[@jengabubs]

I think it’s important to point out, he tell her how long she can expect that time out will be. For people with Anxious attachment styles call a time out and leaving for an undetermined amount of time could make things worse.

[@GeoffMakeBelieve]

it's difficult for me to get out of an argument in the heat of it, but I know it is so crucial to actually getting anywhere in the discussion. Thank you Jayson for outlining the process and driving home the importance doing just that.

[@damianjones7554]

if only it was as simple as saying 'time out'. arguments tend to happen because one or the other has failed to listen or over sensitively taken something petty the wrong way and simply (and immaturely) will not back down on the matter.

[@sonalimishra258]

I do it but my partner never does. And even if I do it he just never stays supportive and respectful about it

[@suzannemaroney4579]

Yep!!! we have to get clear on our own triggers!!!!!!

[@JaysonGaddis]

Yup

[@boner1952]

Usually...coming back to talk about the problem means her telling me what I have done wrong. She never seems to own her part of the problem.

[@JuanFernandez-yv1sy]

Thank you jayson. This is so helpful. How can I find more material from you. Your awesome. Men need this.

[@JaysonGaddis]

subscribe to my podcast: relationshipschool.com/podcast.

[@sicxray]

I love having examples like that to help.. thank you

[@jakeblaser]

This is great advice. I've been trapped in the loop more times than I care to admit regarding the context of what was said during an argument. I really struggle when my spouse doesn't reciprocate owning any fault despite my attempts at honest reconciliation. Any advice for when your spouse's behavior continues to be confrontational and "button pressing" during conflict resolution?

[@maimohamed3590]

Very helpful, thank you🙏✨

[@JaysonGaddis]

You're welcome!

[@adavid2548]

What if asking for a Time Out is triggering for my spouse? And leads to anger?

[@JaysonGaddis]

read my new book. i don’t like the word time out anymore. use “pause button” instead. make an agreement ahead of time about it being okay to pause and take space

[@akeeymark]

Absolutely love the time out idea 👍🏼

[@akeeymark]

My Husband is a married therapist. He's tools is like some of your tools thanks so much😀

[@RachelBalunsat]

How did you learn to improve your communication and stay married? Where you in school for psychology when you were first together? How did the battles not tear you apart. You give me hope that we can salvage relationships if willing to do the work.

[@JaysonGaddis]

yes. i doubled down on self-learning. masters degee in psych and so much more

[@RachelBalunsat]

@@JaysonGaddis that’s epic! Thank you. I really want to take your DIPR course and am hoping my partner will want to also. But I know it’s important that I really learn the skills regardless. I have a background in Re-evaluation Counseling. Am applying to see if I can get into couples sessions with you. 🙏🏽⭐️

[@xx_puppygaming_xx2322]

Thank you I really need it!

[@JaysonGaddis]

you're welcome

[@thedudeandstuff169]

Jayson, thank you for doing the work and sharing the gems so that we can get to work =)

[@kalelrehmani1733]

I can never get the time out! Mine chases after me..tis frustrating

[@JaysonGaddis]

I know what you mean

[@ilonadarcy534]

This is amazing❤works with my husband, thank you so much ❤

[@JaysonGaddis]

Happy to help!

[@peterfranzjr.1190]

What would your opinion be when I request a timeout stating that "I need to take some space and get clear (or watch the kids and let her take the space)" but she continues to go off? Despite patiently listening before sharing that I need a pause. Trying to take space she will continue following me and cornering me.

[@JaysonGaddis]

not good. not fair. you two have to come to an agreement that it's ok for you to take space with a return time

[@jeffreyfrechette9302]

This only works if you're partner is stable I've been there in doen this and she blow's up my phone.

[@JaysonGaddis]

I hear you

[@rogerlittreal642]

Thank you.... great video!!!

[@JaysonGaddis]

sure!

[@AngelineSims]

So how does she know he hear her in the first place? Or how does she get her point across to him?

[@kimbers1238]

I was just wondering when ur being vulnerable by sharing what is really going on like reminds u of ur mom and sort of feel the same emotions, what if ur partner says well that's not my problem?

[@mauraans]

What if when you go back your partner doesn’t want to talk anymore?

[@JaysonGaddis]

I have videos about it, please check my instagram!!! 🙏🏼

[@toriigarciaa]

my boyfriend does this and i get so mad because i want to talk more but now i realize that it isnt productive and we both need to cool down in order to talk. we are on the same team and i cant always prove that im right because thats not how an argument should be about

[@JaysonGaddis]

keep learning. take a class. it will help

[@ka2613]

Thanks......am going to apply your method ....

[@Van-hb4gi]

What if the partner continues to yell each time you attempt to discuss and you continue to be triggered every time and call a time out every time. One could be in this situation and never make progress because you just can't tolerate being yelled at and every discussion just stalls prematurely. Further, the partner claims you are not allowed to feel triggered because your partner believes they weren't raising their voice at all.

[@jordan3649]

If someone is yelling then that usually means you're not listening when they really just wanted you to hear and understand what they're saying. Just listen to what they're saying, don't interrupt (terrible, terrible idea), and then acknowledge that you understand what they're saying, and then say what you need to say. It's very frustrating when someone doesn't listen, and you feel like you need to yell to force them to listen, so if your partner is yelling, thats the first thing that needs to be remedied by listening and acknowledging to them that you understand what they're saying. Listening allows people to know that they can talk to you calmly without yelling, and if you are a repeat offender who interrupts or doesn't listen then that person will naturally get upset and more than likely start yelling to try and get someone to listen, and thats worst case scenario.

[@jeremyariche4332]

@@jordan3649 no when someone is yelling, it means he/she feels they are in jeopardy of not getting what they want. Usually it's some type of emotional response or control they are seeking.

[@destinys4095]

maybe a physical time out might work... I get flight reaction when I get in a fight and I want to go off and have a time out but he never wants me to leave until it is all fought about and solved right then which it cant because I havent had my time out.

[@gab6918]

If you explain to them when you are not fighting that you need that time AND if you do come back after the time you say you will they will learn to trust you. and you can show/ tell them the benefit to them and to you, of letting you take that time out. But do make sure to follow thru on your word of coming back, or it will not work. Good luck!

[@Dravenscrypt]

What if your wife says you make her kids feel the same way?

[@MahGod1st]

Know whether or not the statement is truth. I feel like that’s a manipulation to make u feel a certain way this getting the desired result she wants. We have to know truth in order to guard ourselves against manipulation.

[@jaymorpheus11]

I'm going to try this, just like dealing with friends and coworkers... giving things time to cool.

[@888HERTZ]

love this thanks

[@JaysonGaddis]

You are so welcome!

[@latsyrk2]

As a therapist I approve this approach lol

[@JaysonGaddis]

Amazing!

[@writersnotes1292]

Very helpful... Couples just need to find what works for them and what doesn't.

[@JaysonGaddis]

Well said

[@celiaescalante]

My guy and I stonewall. I gave him some space, but he never communicated if that was good or not.

[@ashleighberryman9280]

I don’t get to leave and cool off……….I have my keys and things taken away from me (I won’t fight for them they will just get broken so I have to let things go). I have to sit down shut up and listen to the other person talk for huge chunks of time about how much I suck and why everything is my fault and I had just accepted everything they were already saying then it would not be an issue. But I don’t do that either so we just keep arguing until one of us (me) starts having a panic attack. Don’t know how much more I can take…..☹️ I’m just realizing my partner is not on the same level of mental maturity I might be on. I’m not perfect, but I know when I need a time-out and my partner does not respect that.

[@JaysonGaddis]

Thanks for sharing your experience with us!!

[@justlyact4352]

I really do that. I usually don’t respond just listen and go. When we talk, she always brings the little mistakes that I’ve done 6 years ago. She will remember everything single detail to support her argument. That triggers me but I just calm down and relax and leave to do what I have to.

[@JaysonGaddis]

Thank you very much for commenting!

[@raeannfarnes3930]

I love all your podcasts. My partner cannot accept responsibility for her part. I'm so stuck and scared. I've been working on this relationship for 2 year's

[@JaysonGaddis]

Get more support: relationshipschool.com/myrelationshipcoach/

[@jeahwinder4600]

I have anger issues and I seem to get mad at my fiancé bovine listen to one another. This seems to be a solution that might help thank you

[@JaysonGaddis]

you're welcome

[@garnetandgold07]

When i try to walk away, he comes after me. Even unlatches the door. Then it becomes physical and I'm always on the losing end of that one. 😢

[@JaysonGaddis]

ouch, get support and hire one of our coaches relationshipschool.com/myrelationshipcoach

[@williambrackett8229]

Thanks for your 3 steps!

[@mnmlife88]

Thanks

[@MrQuagmire26]

I recognize this situation very much. My wife have even gone crazy on me sometimes and went physical. She say i said something which i did NOT Say..

[@tperk]

My wife and I have had arguments every day for 7+ years. Now we can't stand to be in the same room breathing the same air. But we've got a child so there will be no separation or divorce no matter how often we bring it up. We will not accept each others' differences and no one will bend to the other's opinion. My wife is Asian so she does not want to lose face. I'm simply tired of the contempt, sarcasm and basic disrespect. There are no apologies, no hug-it-outs, nothing. But the bottom line is this: the arguments, while intense, last 30 minutes or less. A half-hour of getting my face burned off at home versus a whole day at work where I'm still seen as a winner in everything I do is a worthy trade. After those 30 minutes are done, get to work. Find something constructive to do, some manual labor of some kind. Wash the car (even if it's at night), put a fresh coat of paint on a neglected wall, vacuum the floor. DO NOT leave the house. Find a quiet place to meditate if you want to but don't replay the argument in your mind over and over again. Focus on doing something useful. Move on.

[@JaysonGaddis]

Hey bro. I like the smart workarounds. And, you can work through that tough stuff, you just need to know how and both commit to doing the work. if she won't, then there's more you can do on your side to clear the resentment

[@neillattz]

When you came back from the time out and were talking about your thoughts on how intense you felt, what do you do if at that point she says you sound like an idiot and hates to hear you talk?

[@JaysonGaddis]

Ouch....

[@manualLaborer]

Wow, your woman allows you to take a time out? What an amazing non-abusive freedom.

[@JaysonGaddis]

sounds like you have work to do!

[@ZuheySerrano]

Wow thank u!

[@Sarah41603]

Wish it was this easy. I do the time outs, I’m actually taking a time out right now. I want to know what to do if your significant other can’t communicate in these situations without yelling and name calling?? I feel like I can’t take it anymore...

[@JaysonGaddis]

It's not easy, but you need to stay strong!

[@lisahind8858]

I find that I am being more and more made to be the main and sometimes only support for my partner which I find sometimes to much too deal with. I understand that I do tend to get away from my partner because I cannot deal with the emotions going on between us. We need help. I am presently looking into counselling for myself. Unfortunately, my partner is not interested in us getting counselling together.

[@theupwardspiral1580]

lisa hind do counseling anyway. its good for everyone willing to hear the advice. it helps a lot. (and my mom would say sometimes the men will end up going after awhile becuz they feel left out or like theyre being talked about) i dunno if thats true. but its still good for you as a person if u just go by urself. i love my counselor a lot. he is so helpful!

[@janellemcalorum3634]

Love this! Exactly what I needed in my last relationship.

[@JaysonGaddis]

Glad you liked it!

[@chrisjames3401]

My wife started accusing me of having and afar with my ex wife who I have not seen in years. Of course she had to win the argument. She has hurt me more than anyone ever has she pushed me to the point I never need to ever see her. And you always know when they Accuse you of something if you didn’t do you know they are

[@sgm6603]

Thank you!

[@JaysonGaddis]

You're welcome!

[@ItsTheJayCrew]

I’m half way they lol and honestly this does not work my natural reaction is to do what you did. I get it but what happens when she follows you room to room lol. Good video tho

[@JaysonGaddis]

Thanks!

[@shaileshmishra8013]

Jason, Are you married for real ? You ran away during intense argument and she let you go :) ? Then you came back and asked for discussion and she agreed .Seriously !!! Why do you fight with Angel ?

[@ayemyatlynn2311]

Good comment

[@ziayoung1637]

Sometimes girls don't have a choice. My husband's always like this, he calls for a timeout, I get angry cuz I'm not done, but after 3-5 rounds of the same topic and words I'm ranting he'd sneak out, then come back after 1-4hours. I usually agree to talk but the answer are mostly "hmmm, ok, yes, no". I'm week when he starts to hug me, then my angriness will subside, and boom! OK again. Haha

[@Glumkatmusic]

I do see the effectiveness of being introspective. BUT what kind of perfect world is that? being intense and emotional around someone else that is intense and emotional and ALSO feels unheard...good luck having them easily allow you to dismiss yourself without them feeling like you are skipping over their feelings to go hide out .

[@JaysonGaddis]

introspection has nothing to do with being perfect or living in a perfect world. you sound like you are a victim, blaming the other person.

[@Glumkatmusic]

Jayson Gaddis I'm not a victim at all nor am I in the position to initiate this kind of problem. I'm just stating that having a clean break from a heated situation takes a lot of work and is not as easy as putting a T in your wife's face. I can see from the comments that I'm not the only one with this opinion.

[@startpage717]

WOW! I am not fighting with no-one for three hours. If I am every that disconnected not only "time out" but I AM out of that business, personal, or friendship. Folk have no self control over themselves AND no Boundaries or respect for Boundaries. Fact: if either party tells you they need time out and the other party doesn't listen...they (the other party) have NO respect for you! You need to ask yourself WHY you are in this (fill in the blank with what type of)relationship.

[@JaysonGaddis]

:)

[@SunsetRC]

It's pretty good, but I think we should figure out how to avoid the argument in the first place

[@gab6918]

The growth is in the argument and how you handle it, then it is not as much of an argument and gets handled quicker. We grown in relationships and in these kinds of situations. Otherwise, it just means we shove things down.

[@1Sun111]

sounds good, but unfortunately that could not be done with every partner; what if you are the only one doing like that? it´s shit.

[@JaysonGaddis]

find new friends or a new partner

[@Franzifii]

The thing is if you're the only one who is ready to work on healthier arguing or you're the only one who is ready to apologize when it's reasonable, you start to feel like everyone's idiot at some point. And when you've finally had it, you start to lash out and suddenly you're made to be the biggest asshole ever seen. This isn't about my partner. My family does this. Pretty much all of them and I'm so exhausted. I'm everyone's idiot.

[@JaysonGaddis]

it's time for you to learn and grow and change.

[@Franzifii]

​@@JaysonGaddisThat's pretty universal but you meant well I guess.

[@estherhannes2483]

I came here to get some tips on anger management or how to avoid fights and arguments in the first place. Someone putting their hands in my face and saying „time out“ will only get me angrier.

[@JaysonGaddis]

Stay strong!

[@jessestam]

I agree with the rest of the comments. If either of us did that "time out" thing, it would definitely escalate the argument. It's very patronizing and unrealistic.

[@JaysonGaddis]

Thanks for your feedback!

[@Mike_Stramaglio]

Stay single and enjoy life without all this hassle. It’s really simple

[@JaysonGaddis]

Thanks for your feedback!

[@larnieceyoung5688]

When me and my husband fight i dont talk to him for weeks or months

[@JaysonGaddis]

sounds awful. time to learn a different way?

[@larnieceyoung5688]

@@JaysonGaddis I dont think so

[@jasonsheedy1852]

@@larnieceyoung5688 you sound like a horrible person, your husband should divorce you.

[@larnieceyoung5688]

@@jasonsheedy1852 Lol ok but he's not so im not worried about nothing far from begin a horrible person but i appericate your comment boo may god bless u and your relationship hve a bless bless day

[@hallelujahfreedom7457]

This guy is cool.

[@JaysonGaddis]

Wow, thanks!

[@rl3722]

Tried that, my wife left the house with my baby when I did that

[@JaysonGaddis]

what else can you be responsible for?

[@charlesmahoney790]

it takes two to make it work . no matter what you do no matter how much you want it to work. if the other one is a real bitch and it seems has a low IQ. or knows you have to much love in your heart and then she takes it for weakness and usees it to hurt you more ---- your wasting your time -- time to leave

[@jasonsheedy1852]

my wife wont let me leave the room for a time out so this will not work for me

[@JaysonGaddis]

Stay strong!

[@tomdgreat6591]

Women love to fight,they make the nonsense thing bigger, total opposite to the guy making the big deal disappear.

[@JaysonGaddis]

Thanks for the feedback!

[@benng1903]

why men live shorter than women! why i cannot find anything about "why my boyfriend's always complains?"

[@1Sun111]

married men live longer than unmarried ones, in case of women vice versa, unmarried women live longer than married ones and I know why

[@ryanw2839]

So, Step 1: Take a break from the annoying woman, Step 2: Come up with reasons that will make her think you're a woman, and Step 3: Go back and admit it's your fault and you have issues, while she sits there agreeing that you're the problem? Did your wife put you up to this? Thanks for taking the time to make a helpful video, but I honestly think this is just a band-aid on a much bigger problem

[@JaysonGaddis]

Thanks for your feedback!

[@DarrenRockwell]

You forgot the part where the women follows you and starts yelling.

[@JaysonGaddis]

that's when a boundary is called for.

[@_MiMiC]

Ohhhkk. You must’ve not dealt with a women that doesn’t want to hear you out after that hour. And then still attacks you after, and tells you that she doesn’t care, and that your trauma is a you problem. 😂

[@araeshkigal]

Yeah...stonewalling...how did your wife not follow you to demand the conversation go further and GET FREAKING RESOLVED? Although...props to you for coming back after an hour. Usually the stonewaller just shuts down the conversation...period. So...you stopped the 3 hour loop at 1 hour..to sit for another hour...so you could come back and talk to your wife about what's going on with you. Then you come back and say you're wife reminds you of your mom (you want to punch your mom? WTF kind of childhood did you have?). So...when you're done tying your inner shoe or whatever it is you do in your hour off...do you actually address whatever it was you were arguing about? Does THAT issue ever get revisited or resolved?

[@zacharysherry2910]

Birds

[@millionairemillennial86]

Fantasy

[@JaysonGaddis]

:)

[@JB-yq9bn]

The second you said you were triggered I could no longer take you serious

[@JaysonGaddis]

glad you left my channel

[@Jbank727]

No advice for the nagging, passive aggressive woman?

[@JaysonGaddis]

Will be posting content related to this soon!

[@jimmyfrancois6111]

I'm sorry to say this.... But it works only for white women... I've tried it a million times already !!

[@aliciamcwood3025]

This is insane. R u a child?

[@JaysonGaddis]

No, but I have 2 kids.

[@KelFabian718]

When u have children u can't just step out for an hour lol jus sayin...

[@sale73331]

Are yоu mаking thеse mistakеs with уoour man? twitter.com/d978f65ab88cb195e/status/804693412402241537 Hоw ТTТoooo Stор Fighting aаaand Arguing In a Мaarriage

[@mititeimaricei]

Go FEMINISTS...

[@JaysonGaddis]

what?

[@A_Beautiful_Death]

Just don't get married, problem solved.

[@celiaescalante]

This video is great 👍 thank you.

[@JaysonGaddis]

Glad you liked it!