HOW TO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT THEIR ADDICTION? (without starting a fight)

[@PutTheShovelDown]

🤷More on Motivating Someone To Get Sober: ☝️kzbin.info/www/bejne/e3WZp6R7n5uHrJI

[@sammyhuda2062]

57 days sober today Amber! I can resonate with 18:00. When I was all messed up on my pills and excessive amounts of alcohol I had no idea how to climb off that hamster wheel. Everything was foggy and I had zero mental clarity back then. I had to hit the worst rock bottom of my life for me to go through the pain of getting sober. I don't think my thoughts started to clear up until like 28 days later or so. I'm so grateful everyday that I've made it this far and pray everyday that I stay strong and on the right path

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Sameehul! It's so great to hear your positive progress! It makes all feel more hopeful. thank you so much for sharing your story with us.

[@karenbearden6198]

Amber I came across an interview and although it wasn't about addiction, he said something I immediately wrote down to post it here for your thoughts and perhaps to help someone else. It was Andrew Huberman and he defines addiction as: "a progressive narrowing of things that bring you pleasure, a progressive narrowing of what allows for dopamine release. Relief from addiction, in addition to moving away from the addicting substances, often involves a progressive expansion of the things that give them more appreciation."He goes on to talk about 12 step programs and incorporating gratitude, also, how serotonin and dopamine balance and reset each other.

[@alicentmarveltrra2504]

Huberman is great ❤

[@kahytiyawolf9632]

But can't a person be addicted to any chemical? Like cortisol? It's not entirely about feeling good. Addiction is more complex than that. Its more about the brain wanting to keep the chemicals its used to at its "normal" levels. But hey I don't have any college degrees lol, what do I know?

[@matt-g-recovers]

Love Andrew Huberman

[@richardanderson7387]

Another great video. I always felt guilt and shame when dealing with a family members for things I had done.... along with the concern that they were going to try and take my beer away. I hope family members realize that this is probably pretty typical of what their addicted person is thinking when you are dealing with them.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Sure true, Richard!

[@jeanieleonard1910]

Four years waiting. Micro changes, just to be let down again. I'm off the roller coaster. They HAVE to know. Just refuse to give up their cruch. They can have it, I'm out. Their lives are messy, & chaotic. Eventually it rubs off on you. Good luck to the rest of y'all.

[@melissad.6722]

I love your comment on another video about having to get to the mindset that you aren't missing anything by not using.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Yes! Thank you!

[@amparocanizales1929]

My 30 year old grandson is homeless and addicted to roxycodones or blues . He smokes the pills. I have supported him and his girlfriend ( she is gone now) for years. I have paid for apartment's and just about everything. He was a heroin IV user and now he is smoking blues. He has been in jail and this is how he stopped shooting up. I am going down hill . I am burned out. It is affecting my health, my finances, and my sanity. I am going to be 70 in August and I feel like he is sucking the life out of me. I am holding a full time job. He is living under a tunnel . He told me that he got raped because he wants me to put him up in hotels like I did before. He has been saying that he can taper off this pills but now he says that he cannot because he is dealing with being raped by a guy with HIV so he cannot quit . I had to commit him for threatening suicide and he was diagnosed with drug induced psychosis. I feel like I cannot take it anymore and it is not going to end until I am in a coffin.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Amparo, there comes a time when you have to step back, otherwise you'll both go down the drain.

[@luben3045]

Leave him on his own destiny! You have not too much years to enjoi a really happy life! Let him walk his way of life he have chosen by him self! I left my 50 years old dauther on her own. I am 75 and I finaly got my life back❤Alone!!!🎉

[@dimarks444]

I’m so sorry.

[@LaurieSmith-m4r]

Hi Amber My daughter is addicted to crack and two children whom children’s aid have given me (grandma) a kinship role. She is actively using and comes and goes as she pleases. It’s been difficult for the kids ages ten and six. I have been in their lives since they were born but they want their mom. I’m trying to help them and my daughter too. Scared shitless right now but your videos help. Would love to get her to hear or speak to you

[@talltale3952]

Good luck. My stepson was a crack addict and gave up on his two teenage sons, who then became worse addicts than he was. They lie lie and lie some more. They manipulate you into trusting them again and again and again and again and then they use. We buried my other stepson, 45, brother of the crack addict, who was a ten year opiate addict with three kids, and his nephew then came to the SAME apartment and the same room and smoked crack and fentanyl there - it is all mixed together now - doc gave him suboxan and he smoked that - as soon as you get all nice and cozy they are like a snake and destroy your soul too - they need rehab then a half way house with other clean addicts and when they get a year clean, you can start trusting them again - no one should EVER use hard drugs. My cousin lost two of five sons and a nephew and he doesn't live with his middle son who also had drug problems and who turned out ok because he went to LOOOOONG treatment for months and months and then became a sports person. I tried helping FOUR addicts in my house and none of them got better - two had THREE court cases each for possession or intent to distribute - one is dead and the other pretends no one in the family exists anymore. There is hope. In months long treatment and halfway houses.

[@Sophia-lc8fm]

I want to thank you immensely Amber for also counseling the family members which will in the end help the patient too. I live here in Germany, my loved one is an active alcoholic after a relapse at the moment, here I've been brushed off by counseling centers because I was wanting to make an appointment for my family member who is not in that stage yet to make the appointment themselves. I really appreciate your way of counseling the family members as well which will ultimately help the person with the addiction in so many ways, because we learn to understand and help them so much more by adjusting our own behaviour. I will watch your other videos as well and hopefully it will finally give me the answers I was seeking for for so many years now! Thank you so much for sharing your expertise and methods here with everyone ❤️❤️❤️

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I'm so glad this was helpful to you, Sophia! Thank you for your kind words😊

[@joannagarcia953]

Thank you, thank you, so much for your videos!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You are so welcome, Joanna!

[@catm5549]

My daughter won't talk to me as she thinks she just needs to find work.

[@kimberlykuss8201]

Rehabs are so expensive and thats one reason my daughter cant get help. She has no job and i cant afford it. 😢

[@AshesToRubies613]

Mega bomb!!! #truth 😂😂 that's really good. Lead the loved addict into truth through trust and love. Good points. ❤❤🙏🏼

[@PutTheShovelDown]

💣 💣 💣💯!

[@lorettakelley7495]

Felt like I had made some gain in getting through to my daughter, then my husband said some things, very direct but true, & her defense walls went up. She said she didn't need advice. Normally I talk to my daughter without my husband ( her stepfather) because he has no patience. How do we recover ground?

[@barbaraondich7374]

My son has been an addict for 15 years. I have no more patience and can't go for a side door. Right now I refuse to talk to him. I don't know maybe that's wrong of me but I have literally tried everything. I'm just leaving it alone at this point.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

It's good to know when to step back, Barbara!

[@digitalcollateralwithtinao794]

Love love love it. 5 star strategies!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Tina! I appreciate your kindness and support

[@annatanner6965]

No Amber, there is a point where such tactics cannot be applied anymore. There is a moment the addict has to face the truth about the addiction. I'm willing to sacrifice my relationship to my addict son because all that remains within is contempt and hate within me as a mother. I prefer to break off this toxic relationship completely.

[@hema6800]

Amber, this was very helpful advice. Thank you !

[@PutTheShovelDown]

So glad!

[@trueself520]

Thank you for sharing this. Oh, and by the way, you look great!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Oh thank you!

[@janicerennie422]

Those doors can close fast. This is great advice - Thank you.

[@_DivineTruth_is_Home_]

you are great and thank you for your efforts and sharing your skills and knowledge :), its all so very supportive, encouraging and helpful :) may all go well~

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I appreciate that! Thank you for your kindness and support!

[@maryellen33714]

Wow was I saying the wrong things ……..thanks and God Bless you. 🙏🏼😊

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Same to you!

[@RaymonshestootoogoodSingh]

Thank you so much🙏 you are God sent

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You are so welcome

[@talltale3952]

we've talked to my grandson in every possible way and he's been to rehabs 9 times - he was locked in an overseas psych hospital when he sent him there to get clean - he lied to everyone there - he smoked their meth - he took their opiates - he was given suboxan and smoked that - he used and dealt fentanyl and watched others die. He got his girlfriend hooked and she lost her kid for half a year and had to be narcanned herself many times - he didn't care who he hurt nor how. We can say oh poor addicts but they choose not only to be addicted but also to be EVIL and take whoever is around them with them - psych hospital for as long as it takes and then a farm waaaaay out away from everyone else.

[@Carol-hn6jw]

I have been taking space from my addictive son this year. Dealing with his chaos and addiction for over 30 years. I am 76 and feel I have suffered enough. The pain of seeing his life as it revolves around drugs. The sadness of a life not lived. He exists and is a manipulator to meet his need for drugs. I don’t trust anything he says. Our relationship is a one way street. He is incapable of any real relationship. I love him but I don’t like him. I’m anxious to start seeing him, I don’t want my whole life to revolve around his drugs. 😢

[@francevenezia]

My son has been on methodone for about 6 yrs. It seemed he recently used heroin again. I'm not sure bc years ago he already told me that he believes that's his business and will not speak openly with me about his treatment, or his addiction or his dosage so that I'm pretty much in the dark. We live in separate cities about 500 miles apart. We've stayed in touch. But he's not working and it seems he began using heroin again. He was hoping I'd visit for the Christmas. Reluctantly, I bought tickets to visit him and am wondering what I've gotten myself into bc I suddenly and strangely feel tormented and on the losing end of a huge spiritual battle now. I feel sucked into his downward spiral. Part of me feels that as a parent he is in over his head and needs a rational voice for the holidays, and the self-preservation part of me says he's an adult and needs to figure out his own problems. I'd like to use my time with him to speak w him about his problem, but I 1) couldn't afford a rehab 2) don't know what to suggest as far as help is concerned 3) don't know if there is free drug counseling etc--- so how can I speak with him if I have nothing concrete to offer as far as getting help?

[@a..r.9341]

Thank you, Lady in red 💃

[@birdierose]

Thank you so much for this video.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

It's my pleasure

[@jimkuntz8423]

Would love more KZbin’s with you and Scott He has been in it, also you both make a great team

[@lizcobb4188]

I am raising my grandchild ,and her mother is living with us My daughter is using heavy drugs and drinking on top of that i dont want my grandchild to see her like that its not a good atmosphere for both of us.

[@jenniferwood5155]

Mine wont even talk about it when I use to bring it up and till this day gets defensive if I say anything. Still in denial for years so I gave up trying.

[@ronnacupstidwilliamson6750]

Thank you so so much

[@PutTheShovelDown]

My pleasure, Ronna!

[@RaymonshestootoogoodSingh]

My son has been alcoholic for 32 years. Been in rehabs 15 times.

[@saskiaguy1940]

You look stunning in red, Amber 👌🏼☺️

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thank you so much 🙂

[@cjgia4898]

I agree. She absolutely does!

[@nancysmith97]

The little children living in alcoholic home. Please advise? How can I help without enabling?

[@dimarks444]

They’re ANGRY at ME because I DON’T drink! WTH! I’m watching my 2 best friends die.

[@dimarks444]

Yes, I have NO CREDIBILITY because I’ve never used substances. I’ve never needed to because I watched people I loved die when I was young, I never wanted to do it. They used to drink socially but now it’s nonstop.

[@dimarks444]

I can’t say a dang thing. Why am I the bad person?

[@michellejones4957]

Hi I need help with my granddaughter she is a alcoholic 18 yr old she is drinking villina abstract 16 once bottles to the point she past out the only time she was clean was when she was pink slip while in detox don't no what to due

[@grogweedwalker]

I have really misjudged not only my tolerance for living with my daughter who is using and been guided to get treatment but hasn't. I take the loving encouraing re-enforcing approach and then she will go into fight or flight and attack me verbally and then I get triggered just out of fatigue. I may say some things while triggered I have needed to say to her. It can be conflict that opens doors to greater honesty, but I don't want her to feel shamed! So I agonize over that.

[@JoanneMomsen]

If I may quote Maya Angelou to give you some peace and encouragement: "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better"

[@sue9994]

Hi Amber. Can you provide links to any videos you may have in relation to how to get the our loved one with a SUD to realize they may have a problem especially when they are in denial. Do you have any videos where we can see an example conversation? Thank you so much.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Sue, Here's my playlist on Dealing with Denial: kzbin.info/www/bejne/e3WZp6R7n5uHrJI

[@christinefountain9506]

@@PutTheShovelDown no

[@Lolikuki-g3]

I think this is very upsetting that a treatment place would ask a person in addition to call idiotic to make them do that .

[@shannond5743]

Would these suggestions be appropriate for a mother to use on her 14 year old??

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Shannon, I'd say that they would work for a teen as well. But here's a video specifically about talking to teens. kzbin.info/www/bejne/h3WyfXmuZtFlqrM

[@andreawalters3898]

What do you do if your teen does have some abusive behavior and stealing? He apologizes usually pretty quickly and will repay what he took.

[@sarahdunn254]

What do you say when they way out there they are completely out of control? Seriously

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Sarah, are you talking about someone how is in active psychosis?

[@audreysherles9689]

Where do I find the videos on stages of change?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Try this one: kzbin.info/www/bejne/gZ2QoWqOn6iCodU

[@The_Prankster]

Do you have a video for the person in the middle? The person who can see the logic in what you are saying, but they are in between the addict and another loved one or even worse loved ones. I feel like I'm being drawn between two Clydesdales. Somethings going to give and guess who.

[@elinedejong5602]

Would you say the behaviour of an addicted person persuading his addiction, could look like the behaviour of a person with anorexia nervosa? Because right now, i'm really trying to understand how it works.. and how I can positively and cautiously support my person.

[@emilyacoxpsychic]

What’s a good # to reach you at?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You can call our office at 864-906-2395.

[@RaymonshestootoogoodSingh]

Al anon helps but my son going downhill fast

[@plainjaneliving]

I lost credibility years ago. Can I get it back?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

In most cases you can...As long as you still have communication with them

[@francevenezia]

What should you do if you have a family member with an addiction, but the family cannot afford a treatment center or rehab? Does the state offer free counseling, is there such a thing as free 30 day rehab, etc?

[@candicehutchins3308]

Call their insurance

[@fionashekuby4279]

There are free groups called Narcotics Anonymous (NA) and Alcoholic Anonymous (AA) where you can seek for help. The contacts for groups near you are on the internet.

[@netsenettaylor3509]

❤Amen

[@douglasblickenderfer2069]

I just don’t know. I am so tired of eating crap sandwiches.

[@neoantrop]

a small suggestion, you should talk more with clients and not to the camera, then everything would come out more natural and you could show in practice how you talk to addicts...

[@HowardMathews-j9c]

Next day, when they are feeling like hell, You know you worked hard to feel like that. Then let it go.

[@realdata1378]

She says hello to folks that log in during her speech - this is distracting.what is it-ADD?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

This was a live video. Audience interaction is generally expected.

[@realdata1378]

@@PutTheShovelDown yes. But you interrupt listeners in your other videos to say hello to people that join. Why?

[@chichibollat3761]

Please send me your email for helping myself and my partner alcoholism

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi @chichibollat3761, We do offer coaching and consultation sessions. Here's a link to learn more: www.familyrecoveryacademy.online/consultations