How to Win Child Custody Against A Narcissist

If you're divorcing a narcissist, chances are he or she won't go quietly into the night. Add children to the mix and your divorce likely is high-conflict, not to mention expensive and traumatic. I understand this can be a tough thing to walk through, that’s why you should check out my video, How to Win Child Custody Against A Narcissist.
Was this video helpful? Comment below and let me know.🤝 Be sure to share this video with a friend too! Thanks for watching!
Anthony Bompiani
“On your side through the worst”
Anthony is a family law attorney, coach and consultant. He's been successfully helping people in the areas of divorce and custody for nearly 20 years.

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COMMENT BELOW 👇👇 and tell me what you think about How to Win Child Custody Against A Narcissist

[@spiritofhonuguidanceforlife]

I think the court system, including judges, attorneys, and any would be jurors, need to be educated on covert narcissists specifically, because they dont appear narcissistic and are very covertly manipulative.

[@ViralContentVoid]

I highly agree. My ex wife was narcissistic. Clinically a narcissist? Maybe. But she surly wouldent sit down with a psychological mediator. I tried.

[@aurora9687]

I am about to go to court to fight against my covert narcissist mother. God give me strength.

[@spiritofhonuguidanceforlife]

@@aurora9687 Sending positive vibes your way!

[@aurora9687]

@@spiritofhonuguidanceforlife Thank you 🙏🏻 ❤️ I very much appreciate your kind words.

[@spiritofhonuguidanceforlife]

@@aurora9687 I had to deal with narcissism and the courts. Pray and trust divine guidance. Sometimes God will direct is im dorections we don't understand, but it is for our highest good.

[@kaybase6967]

It’s so hard to deal with someone with narcissistic tendencies. You have to play mental gymnastics and chess with them. If you give them an inch, they will take a yard, but will not give you anything in return, unless it’s on their terms. It’s either their way or the high-way. Very exhausting and draining.

[@i_read_bad_reviews]

I keep having the same recurring cycle. I feel beat. I build myself. I get in this sort of high, like I’ve figured it all out and I’m in a good place. Then for one second stop treating them like the narcissist they are and get totally destroyed again.

[@PoyTroy]

It is exhausting. Been keeping my mind sharp against my ex

[@eponymoususer8923]

The only way to survive long term contact with a narcissist is to consistently define yourself with integrity and to enforce accountability. You cannot afford insecurities, so you need to confront and fortify everything about yourself you don’t like- or they will exploit it to unbalance you. This is difficult and painful, but your kids will benefit from the strong, stable, honorable parent you will become.

[@m_i_r_a_j7430]

Boom ! You said it all

[@neoniastarz]

amazing comment. thank u

[@PoyTroy]

Facts. This is me with my son. I’m consistent. I keep the same energy around him. And I’m there. My ex on the other hand goes from hot and cold with him. Hype him up, bring him down. It’s a rollercoaster for him. I can tell. But I know as he gets older he’ll start to see it

[@jaredbostick6149]

I am going thru a custody case and it's going to work out. You can't take it personal. My daughter is going to be with me more. I never knew what a narracist was until I had a child with her. Christ got me and I see she is going downwards fast. The lies and deciete are catching up with her.

[@Teelo99]

I'm going thru same thing. The narcassist gaslighted the court hearing and judge used every fact she twisted into her false narrative. No evidence was needed. I spoke the truth but I'm accused of family abuse for telling the truth. The narc judge ate it all up. What kind of justice system allows hearsay??? Get this, she said she resuscitate her mother when she found in the bathroom dead... sounds bad right? She's a master gaslighter... The true story is she heard her mom fall in the bathroom. An adult that suddenly falls in the bathroom and no sound of moment for a very long time means you should've checked on them within the first 30 seconds... She waited for awhile to check on her knowing her mother has cancer and she fell hard as hell. The old woman didn't just sit down and pass out. She callaspsed... Guess how many smoke breaks the narcassist took before she finally checks on her mother... She left out of the testimony, she was in the home when it happened, only 20 feet away and heard the fall... She admitted to me when she was drunk she was too upset over her mom needing food to eat and she ate her chicken noodle canned soup. They got into a fight over chicken noodle soup and that's why she didn't check on her after hearing the fall. She wouldn't take her mom to store to buy food since it was too inconvenient to drive her 5 minutes to the store. The poor woman was hungry and needed to eat.... But the judge saw the narcassist as a sweet person who lost her mother tragically. Aww what a sad story when you twist the facts huh... She let her die and admitted to me she wish she would die already.... and she laughed about it like it was a funny or appropriate thing to say... she also had a "dance party" after they hauled her body away... Her mother was under her care. She let her starve and die over chicken noodle soup. Her mom even left a note to herself "owe ..... 3 cans of noodle soup" in her room. Neglect can kill too especially if that person is under your care and you knew they callaspsed. But since I called her evil over this I get treated like a criminal. I spoke the TRUTH. Now since I know who she really is and only one who can expose her false identity, do not be surprised if she finds a away to kill me or frame me for a crime. She's tried it before and has threatened me "you will suffer my wrath" if I fight for custody. I'm a dead man walking but I'm not afraid to die. Protecting my son is one of my main missions in life. I will not allow her to ruin his life so she can feel better about herself. My life is worth the risk. I will never give up on my son. Don't pray for me. Pray for my son instead. I could use all the help I could get. I have always felt this strong intuition telling me this narcassist/demon was sent by you know who...

[@MCitra]

The way custody battle should work is focusing more on evidence than a persons ability to lie.

[@athenahale7059]

My ex is but he doesn’t flip flop he’s calculated controlling and seems cool calm and collected no one’s seeing the phycotic part of him it was behind closed doors

[@karlaguevara6261]

literally what my ex is.. seeming so put together and educated in front of the judge even lying.. i hate it

[@robynedward125]

Athena your ex seems like mine your not alone hugs It's extremely difficult not to react very cuz I know their lying. Hugs so your going through this. He's nailed it I'm taking it personally I haven't reacted to your behavior cuz you're a dick. He's nailed it I understand the behavior they want revenge especially if rejected hugs I wish the volume was higher I almost couldn't hear.

[@happytrailsgaming]

It's 2022 and it's very easy to document behavior

[@aquariuspiscescuspgirl7839]

Yes!! Mine too.. I pray you and your child is in a healthier safer place🙏🏽

[@rachel031404]

This is my issue too. It’s fucked.

[@aprilkeane1284]

Don’t play the game! Stay clear, calm and committed 👍

[@lyndacarter3900]

Is what I had to learn 👌🏽

[@ashleybrouillard5117]

Your lesson taught me how to shut my ex down when he plays his game!! He doesn't flip flop, he's always controlling and projecting everything he does on me, insulting me as a mother. I've learned to just say, this isn't constructive..I'm just going to end the conversation here. Now I'm pursuing full custody with a strong case! THANK YOU!!!!

[@sleepmares]

Hi, out of the comments here. Your situation resonates with me. After 12 years the father wants to be a part of my child. After many discussions and calls. I decided to let my son see him for the Xmas holidays ofcourse I was with him for over a week first to make sure he was comfortable. But I also got to see some things not adding up while there. Now that Im home again and my son is still with him for 4 more days, the father acts as if he is so important and feels everything must be his way. Speaks aggressively to me or down to me. I am feeling betrayed that he had no appreciation for me even letting him see him after all this time and now ie voming across as the better parent or that I have no say almost. He is indirectly demanding that he sees him every holidays now. I feel that he will hold him there until I agree to that. If not. I feel he will get me to agree to it when he drops my son off before he walks away obviously he would be worried that it plays on his head whether he'll see him again. I just want to know how your court case went? It seems so scary to think that we are leaving it to people that dont know us to decided what is best for our children. I am so scared that the father is very manipulating and gets aggresive if you disgree or speak your mind. Its almost as if he does not have proper communicating skills

[@coreyrobbins658]

@@sleepmares That's not "your" kid. That is "both" of yours. Deciding whether or not you "let" the father see his son or not is controlling behavior.

[@luckyluckylucky2261]

@@coreyrobbins658 12 years absent? Get real. That may be “both” peoples kid, that doesn’t mean both have been the kid’s parent! You don’t get to disappear for a dozen years then show up making demands and giving orders!

[@Kim-rj2mx]

Amen. Praise God

[@spiritofhonuguidanceforlife]

I highly recommend anyone dealing with this to educate yourself as much as possible on narcissism, heal yourself, and arm yourself with knowledge. It will help you to keep cool when they try to trigger you and make you misstep. Their ultimate goal is not the kids for them, it's to make you suffer.

[@destinyharper3560]

yes I don't understand how someone can do this to your own kids just to hurt the mother

[@narcfree1106]

I agree, doing the right thing shines a light on and exposes the narcissist to the courts.

[@dawnvictoryjourney]

Praying for my family, my 10 year old daughter and I are divided . Shes being manipulated against me , I have been battling a court case for two years now I was falsely accused of abusing my daughter had a fasle protective order out which was dropped in last August . My daughter’s father is in church supposed to be a minister and doing everything he can to hurt me . This man is keeping my child away from me she’s disrespectful towards me , basically don’t want to have anything to do with me, she won’t talk to me . I’m paying my support, doing all I can do; I pray that God turn this situation around and restore me back with my ten year old daughter. I miss her so much it hurts my heart to No that I don’t have rights to my child because someone else is trying to replace me . I been through a lot and I’m tired my heart is heavy so is my mind . Please keep me in prayer 🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@1k_smizzle]

I don’t know you situation but I hope you guys come to a solution for your daughter 🙏🏿

[@To-self]

She is going to grow up n see for herself no worries God has the control that we don’t

[@paulforand8143]

Dawn's Victory, I see you posted your comment 3 months ago, has there been any progress in your fight for your daughter? Have you gotten to see her? I hope you have been able to stay strong through this and keep fighting for her. I don't want to even image what it is like to go 2 yrs without seeing your child, and to have someone manipulate them against you. I believe as long as you keep doing the right thing (making your payments, fighting for her through court, loving her unconditio nally, sending birthday&christmas cards/gifts, if you dont think she receives them, still write her letters and make her cards but keep them and date them, to give her in the future, and don't ever say anything negative about your ex/her father to her or in front of he) she will come to learn/see the truth as she gets older, and the time will come she will need/want you in her life. I hope you have made progress, and have been reunited with your daughter.

[@dondeekorsigliere3784]

Praying for you. I understand your plight

[@MPUMIMLAMBO_]

💔

[@Santino6]

They want to cause chaos because they feel comfortable in that state and want to manipulate the situation to their favor. Always doing the right thing hurts them because they want it their way.

[@taramillr9541]

It’s so hard to keep doing the right thing when the child is in danger.. I keep doing the right thing, staying calm, while he exposes her to people that the court/ judge ordered in original “decree”to keep her away and safe.. nobody listens ,that he is in contempt .. taking her around these people…😭💔💔

[@tammydiehl6288]

I appreciate your advice and your course that you did online. My ex is exactly like you have described and has convinced everyone on his side of the family that he is the victim. He cheated on me numerous times until I finally ended a 15 year relationship. My teenage son stood by me after witnessing so many things. About 4 months ago a court order stated that he spend every third week with his dad. In this short time of having regular visits with his dad, my son has decided he doesn't like me, or the rules and is wanting to live 50% at his dads. I really believe his father has alienated me in my sons eyes. We were so close and happy and now he barely speaks to me. I am devastated. He is nearly 15 and I dont think legally I can do anything. If I force him to stay with me, I will lose him anyway. I truly believe spending more time with his dad, will only give his dad more time to convince our son that I am the problem. The change in my son has happened so fast since staying with the ex and his new live in. Is there anything that I can do legally, or will it just drive a wedge deeper into our relationship?

[@nadarudall7049]

😮😢

[@nadarudall7049]

😢

[@lisalopez442]

I absolutely LOVE you. My friends and family have been trying to tell me exactly what you said for years!!! I am learning to control my emotions...thank you Anthony!

[@judgeanthony]

You're very sweet. I'm glad it's helpful for you. Stay strong. :)

[@brooker9881]

Sometimes it takes someone from outside your family to really see the problem. I didn't listen to my family for 8 years. Currently going to court and never been happier. But my anxiety is through the roof. My Dr said I'm having ptsd from the relationship with my ex. You got any tips to help stay calm in court?

[@zz-ic6vy]

@@brooker9881 I am in the same situation. Did you find any help? And how it worked out for you?

[@brooker9881]

​@zz-ic6vy, it's been working out well. It's just a waiting thing for me right now. My ex is on drugs and doesn't call the kids or pay child support. He legally can't see them unless hes supervised. I'll hopefully be going back soon to take him for full custody. But the anxiety thing is still a problem. I haven't figured out how to cope with it yet. I wish I could help its such a stressful situation. I really tried putting my trust in God with this one. My life has drastically changed for the better and I've never been happier.

[@zz-ic6vy]

@@brooker9881 Glad to hear. Any tips how to stay cal in court? My ex is sociopath and narcisssit but from the outside he is "perfect". I am afraid of him emotionally and i am afraid that i will get emontional and will get distracted.

[@didio821]

My husband is def a narcissist.. nothing matters ..not me, not his kids, not family. He is abusive controlling and manipulative and only cares about hiS status and what “he” has and what you can do for him. He cheats and lies and is compulsive .. I am struggling through the first steps of divorcing him after 16 plus years of marriage.. and so far it’s been nothing short of a battle. Nasty emails, refusing to let me go, belittling, telling me To die, trying to scare and threaten me and the kids. But I am ready to tackle this and be gone from him.

[@janinesmith1595]

How are things now?

[@tiffanyschulemann1793]

You are SAVING ME & MY DAUGHTER right now!! Thank you!!!! A thousand times!!!!

[@ViralContentVoid]

I have been through all of this. You did an insanely amazing job on describing this for other people who need to hear this as structure or hear this for hope. Thank you. This is awesome to hear and see. I am finally finalizing divorce, getting half custody, child support dropped, and papers get signed this week. I made it as well! Woo!

[@Chela515]

Hi, so you have share custody. If so, how is it working out

[@yungkaos3500]

my friend, how long did this take in total? congrats!

[@ViralContentVoid]

@yungkaos5421 Took me about 3 years to get everything done and where it needed to be. Courts take forever and luckily I have been holding onto everything. That's my advice! Save everything. Recipts, school work. Proove your in they're lives.

[@ViralContentVoid]

@Chela515 it's working out great. Week on week off. I got child support dropped because here before the divorce was finalized I had them more than her but they gave her temporary custody and gave me Mondays and Thursday supervised! I was like are you kidding me. But now all is well.

[@ViralContentVoid]

@@Chela515 Great! Busy busy.

[@murphyslaw7262]

Had to learn this the hard way. I wish I listened to this 4 years ago

[@OHSFM]

I have see this since I was pregnant and it will take a blind judge to not see this behavior from the narcissist. It's like a off /on switch with him. This last week. I asked if I could see my son Tuesday through the parent app. He said they had plans for the entire week, but I could pick him up early at 1pm Friday. So I said, I have notice our son misses me when we do zoom therapy. He replied, "well for that rude remark now you can get him 6pm Friday". Having to deal with such monster who physically abuses my son with special needs and he gets away with it.

[@judgeanthony]

I wish you all the best. Keep your head up. ❤️

[@lize5755]

Get an order and a consistent time

[@drich9164]

@OceanSun How are things working out for you now?

[@Sarah-qx4vz]

Jesus I hate people so fucking much. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I feel awful for your child!

[@MyBABIES2019]

How can you not be emotional? When you have suffer the abuse together with your children ?

[@tamathaspencer1018]

I'm still waiting for an answer on this exact thing

[@lisasimpson3832]

At least keep the emotions out of the courtroom. Counseling may be a great help. Taking a deep breath whenever you feel overwhelmed can also be a brain hack into getting to a calmer place.

[@mrstoyaoboya]

Watching your child(ren) go through this is the hardest.

[@amandapandakrueger]

I am going through a horrible custody battle right now with my ex of 12 years we have two children together 13 and 9 and the entire relationship he played the victim, now when you had said doing the right thing, even though it sounds elementary, is exactly what I've been doing and it makes 100% since now that I've heard you say it, it won't get you the result you're looking for short-term. Because of his lies I had just gotten my children taken away from me until the end of this month. But luckily for me he had cut off all contact between me and the children even change their phone numbers and got them new phones without discussing it with me first because when the judge granted him the children for 2 weeks it got to his head and he thought he had sole custody he had even went to the extreme and called our children's schools saying that he was the only parent that can pick them up from here on out. I just want to say thank you so much for this video and you've given me a lot more hope than I thought I had.

[@truedogwoman]

Thanks for the video judge Anthony. I'm preparing for my first hearing soon. My ex took our 7 month old baby while I was asleep. My body and mind went through complete shock because I was with him 24/7 taking care of him. I have not seen him in 2 months. He refuses. Hes doing exactly what you are saying. Flipping from controlling and aggressive to the victim. It's been really hard on me.

[@Kim-rj2mx]

I'm so sorry. I sent a prayer up for you.

[@ardencedumitru86]

I'm praying for you right now beautiful. King Jesus will give you justice. Please pray for The Lord to protect your baby from this evil person and fight for your baby with everything you have. 💔

[@Shasha8674]

God bless!

[@raewyne5599]

Oh honey I hope you are okay, sadly I can relate to you. Which is so tragic that anyone is going through this sort of trauma.

[@neoAREAXIS]

Same for me now

[@undercoverbird8592]

Stayed with my ex for 18 years and left during Covid 2020. The kids were 9 and 10 them with a strong understanding of what narcissism is. I’ve been spending years just collecting texts and videos. I haven’t even started a divorce. The kids are now 12 and 13 and barely see their dad- their choice. Their logical choice. Even their dad’s neighbors know something is wrong with him.

[@i_read_bad_reviews]

My ex says she has collected video and text on me. I’m sure she can paint me as a crazy person when highlighting an episodes of anger over 15 years. I feel like I made a mistake not videoing her multiple episodes.

[@FlappyBelly]

Kids shouldn't have the choice whether to see their Dad unless he's been arrested for domestic violence. You giving them the choice is parental alienation.

[@steelergrl81]

My niece did this and it works. They show themself to the mediator or judge.

[@ShotgunAndAShovel]

What about the one that will walk into court 100% acting like they are very humble and probably crying and declaring his/her love for the child they abused?

[@judgeanthony]

That's a known tactic too!

[@ShotgunAndAShovel]

@@judgeanthony ty for your help!!

[@lemonadesqueezequeenllc9014]

Anybody deal with someone who plays articulate but controlling in a sneaky way like do wtf they want anyway knowing your not gonna agree CO PARENT way? They provoke you to step out of character and cry like their not doing anything??? I literally just started catching on that if I don’t say anything back he won’t attack me anymore….. the messages stopped n even woke up being extra nice ……. It’s a custody battle this very moment so I can’t say much but the controlling, bashing and gaslighting is so draining. Anybody else co parent with someone that feels like they need to have every access to you? 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@Rose.Marie.]

Yes! Right here! Couldn't coparent bc they felt they needed to know everything that i am doing. When I said information on my work or school situation is no longer relevant to them (which is what I had been advised was the case when co-parenting), they and their mom said it was their business. They also felt like they had to check up on me every half an hour and wouldn't stop asking about how i was doing/what i was doing even when i would respond that the child is fine/happy/sleeping they would still force info about me

[@Rose.Marie.]

I totally understand what you are going through:( I hope they never publicly humiliated you or put you in a situation where you felt trapped bc that is what mine did to me with the baby around and i wouldn't wish that on anyone.

[@geneoconnor376]

Hey- thank you for being brave and posting some real social sensibilities. For alot of men/women experiencing a narcissistic ex partner/parent, knowledge is power - most people won't understand what true non diagnosed narcissistic people are capable of, and they rule the roost generally. Thank you for doing what you have brother - much appreciated 🙏

[@staceybibb6650]

Thank you so much. I had been so focused on "winning" each argument, then I realized that when I throw down that trump card-- I'm showing my card. Instead, I just say "I'm not playing this game. Have a great day." It's respectful, it's peaceful, and doesn't give anyone else my joy.

[@sherryscott116]

Thank you for Sharing this... You are truly a Great Teacher on this Subject and even better yet ~ Very Understanding Person... 👊

[@judgeanthony]

Thanks for watching! And thank you for the kind words!

[@vanessaciardo9409]

It's exactly what I am livin with my ex-husband narcisstic in our divorce procedure. He is the one who harrassed me, lying about his money & he makes the judge turns into his favour, it's crazy. I have lost already a lot in this battle.

[@Sarah-qx4vz]

That’s disheartening

[@oliviasanyu850]

Turn to God, you cant handle these demonic humans

[@nathanmciver6496]

Yup! Not even funny! The older I am the more I.understand the english language is not yellow and could have resided out of a court room, job, or any other avenue that are lie's to lead people away from enjoying thier life and don't forget image for the sake of these ongoing abusive synthetic human relationships! Seems like it's all about the guests if thier game looks good! So I was told parliment stopped by and extended a visit, isn't lying a crime when it come's to legalitie's with immigration? I guess thier view is to keep supporting crime and keep people in poverty to support thier crime networks again when they could make the choice of being honest! What is my daughter going to think when she finds out what people value more than her? A life without her full time Dad to support some stranger's is a crime! It would be sad to think that's all that is avaible for people within the future, broken home's to have small magority's happy as long as they can keep up on thier image and then pass people along to the next famalie's so no one has to be honest! 2023 and all that is left is the recycled garbage from the past because people to interfear and cause more damage while other's want the poloticians to provide a peaceful path where tampering will never happen again so life can be experienced and not to suit the needs of others beliefs! So what is raising a child when laws are not followed with that? Greedy!!!!

[@AH_mich]

I'm starting the process of emotionally detaching now. I feel that I need to do this before I file for divorce.

[@bcblanton]

Me too. How did you go about it?

[@trevorwalton5431]

Shits hard but just got keep carrying yourself. Sorry it's not the best choice of words but Im going through the process of trying get custody for my kid. Hold strong ✌️

[@nithaprakash262]

Hows ur preparation going so far? stay strong..... its been 4 years since i got my divorce.... I'm preparing myself to get the guardianship of my child.... its just hard.... i have no energy left

[@nithaprakash262]

@@trevorwalton5431 its the perfect choice of words.... I liked reading this.... my energy level has definitely increased a bit. Stay strong!

[@londonhoward6447]

Thank u for sharing this info.. I am an very emotional person when it comes to my babys..I have sank my own ships because i am an emotional being..

[@terriwilliams6092]

So difficult but I must learn. The dad acts two ways...a violent abusive bully to get his way,and when it doesn't work and he is confronted with evidence..he begins to cry and talk about his bad childhood 💔:( He is so convincing tho. I need to be on my game

[@kd14marketing]

His childhood, is not a reason to be abusive in adulthood.

[@janinesmith1595]

How did things work out in court?

[@evelinarehman3229]

All this advice does not help. I had no emotions collected and calm and physically abusive narcissist extremely manipulative ex made authorities lie on his behave, the more facts I gave does not matter. They just write false things on my behalf that does not exists. So emotions has nothing to do with anything.... There is no answer for how to fight with abusive spouse where society is same narsisistic and abusive and judges are arrogant and they side with abuser because if they would be honest they would never side with abuser.... The reality is cruel and no one give f... About women and motherhood is not respected at all.

[@Scorpio1292]

Omg so true, I have to learn to control my emotions and detach

[@lloydlivsey6261]

Yes, am seeing ex’s stance fall apart from diligent sane behaviour. She obviously is trying to pervert any interaction between me and my son. But he can see that I am not reacting to that behaviour. And is consequently taking her less seriously. A lot for a 9 year old to grasp, but both holding on tight atm. Hope anyone else listening to Judge Anthony takes his words to heart. Don’t bite on what the other party is saying! You are the sane party.

[@frankryder2024]

I wish everyone the best dealing with a narcissistic its so sad

[@rachellencarroll1987]

My sister is dealing with a covert narcissist/domestic abuse custody case… and her child is non verbal autistic… he went from having supervised visits to unsupervised visits and no one is protecting this baby or even acknowledging the fact that she can’t speak up for herself. She comes back from him upset and neglected. We’re about to go into our evidentiary hearing… I will be a witness and I’m trying to figure out what to do!

[@lisasal444]

How to battle with him and new gf who's also a narcissist?

[@Satiator123]

Wait an hour was solid advice.

[@Chelsea_Mom]

The flip you mentioned is so real. I’m glad I started only allowing communication through text so that I have documentation on all of it. He lies through his teeth in every evaluation, and I finally have irrefutable proof of the textbook narcissist behaviors. I highly recommend that conversations be documented. It is so important.

[@Mysticus11]

Really sound advice thank u 🙏🏾 Confirmed that I’m on the right track and doing really well in very tough circumstances ⚖️

[@damianyoung1]

You’re so right!!!! It sucks but I’m going to court and all I had to do and could do is the right thing. Now, she’s grasping at straws trying to hold on to her control.

[@elos0115]

I didn't think I could win my divorce case, but then *usespy online* swooped in like a knight in shining armor. Your dedication, enthusiasm, and expertise saved the day. Thank you !!

[@NanaWilson-px9ij]

Bot.

[@Melaann]

Thank u! About to go through this process and my emotions are all over but leveling out now after 6 months later, finding out my husband left me for his coworker. Took awhile to find out... I didn't have to have closure, some dont get closure, but its helped the healing process of realizing why... I got a lawyer and moving forward. 🙌🙌 my kids deserve their dad but also a healthy one. Hope he finds healing one day instead of new supply....

[@MommyMamaMomBruh]

I am going to spend the weekend watching every single video, I had my life turned upside down on Thursday and I never thought someone had the insight and advice you have. Thank you oh my god thank you. I am so thankful that you provide this info

[@diggermesch5124]

“ Keep doing the right thing “. its been 3 years of watching our daughter suffer and having to watch this woman act in her best interest with the full support of the system. At what point does this carry a legal penalty ? Lying ? Manipulation? You are the absolute voice of reason here but narcissistic personality disorder plus money equals years of damage for our children. That no one can be sued over apparently?

[@kkbarbixroblox8128]

I'm having trouble just disconnecting emotionally. He calls cps, cops repeatedly, tells my daughter things, coerce her into saying things and as a parent I feel as thought I can't protect from her father. And he uses and exploits her love for him.

[@motherofgrr9494]

I stupidly allowed my narcissistic ex take custody of my children because they threatened me with foster homes if i fought him and neither one of us got them. It was soo wrong. He was and is very deceptive and controlling and does it to my kids too. He definitely flips to the victim in front of courts when it was all lies! He is still doing it to me and my kids but i am going to fight hard to get my kids back

[@nyasharobyn3158]

Same as my ex

[@wikkiyildiz]

It worked out for me as well: the person who used to threaten me with taking my daughter away from me even didn’t fight for custody. He is still trying to effect me through my daughter, as he has limited meetings with her, but It’s obvious he has lost his “magic power” on me and my daughter

[@helenhoward5346]

This is why I have hours upon hours of audio recordings that contain blind rageful tirades of verbal abuse directed at me over the most RIDICULOUS shit. He ALWAYS insists on doing it in front of the kids, even when I minimally engage then he's set off again, then a child will oppose him then he scares them, minimizes the impact this has on them. I'm hoping these raw recordings could offer context about how I'm politely requesting to not have this "discussion" in front of the kids but his narcisstism and misery literally entitle him to tear me apart. I noticed he's starting to scape goat one of our three kids by comparing her to my problematic behaviors and demeaning her in front of her, she JUST turned 5 btw. It's so confusing for them bc he can play the loving fun dad, but he's hardly ever up here with us then when he is, especially if he has narc injury, he'll just overtake everything which really confuses our young kids (the oldest is 6, youngest 2). I'm a SAHM and he doesn't let me have free access to HIS bank account, so I'm at the mercy of his generosity or lack thereof and he only gives me just enough to get gas and maybe a few personal items (max $100, but it's usually $40-60 every two weeks on payday). But he has the nerve to say I'm draining him of his money. But whenever I have extra money that I've saved up, if I don't immediately unquestionably hand what he needs over then yeah... It's an issue. He'll just help himself to my wallet occasionally, not so much anymore but he feels entitled to do it but God forbid I took it without getting permission and even then I'll be punished for it later. Lately, all summer, it's just been one devaluation period after another. I don't even know where to start. He's threatened to leave but I know he's just full of hot air, he doesn't have the balls or the finances to do so from what I've seen. I already feel like a single mom. I really thought I chose well, it's easy to fool yourself when the respite periods are long enough to disconnect you from the abusive outbursts. I just don't know where to start. He's threatened to be very spiteful about custody if we ever split and I have a history of substance abuse. I mean he's the employed one without documentation of problems in his past whereas I was in treatment for over a decade till a year ago. I'm just worried that this will backfire on me entirely and God forbid he got primary custody when he can't be bothered to change a diaper when I'm busy. He is antagonistic with our special needs son's school, even though they're QUITE lovely and adore our son. So he's voluntarily disengaged from their school and medical, but he'll say I've alienated him. I don't know how to start. I can't afford daycare for the 2yo to begin a job. And unlike him, I'd be the one calling out every time when our daughter inevitably gets sick (I get called about her being sick often). He's no help when I really need him to be. I wish he would just assault me already so I can get a restraining order but then he'd financially destitute me to the point I couldn't care for them properly (bc think, I would have to get work without any childcare and then my earning ability is much less). It's not like he's a high roller either. I just know he'd use my entire past history against me to portray me in the worst light.

[@CC-ok7ww]

This is spot on my experience with my ex who I believe is a narcissist. Is there a way to get the courts to order a psychiatric evaluation?

[@AnnaJannotti]

PLEASE!!! I NEED MINE TO GET HELP!!!

[@OHSFM]

Then we are made to pay for that evaluation, right?

[@Katya7cruz]

You can get a psych evaluation which includes a deep dive into both parents mental health and potential personality disorders from which a decision by a Psychologist is given to the court for the best interest of the chid. In Canada it’s called a section 211 formerly a section 15. However it costs 20 grand.

[@fayzahabeeb4093]

@@Katya7cruz im in Canada and right now going thru a separation process with my ex narcisstic husband. My kids r involved and I have to co parent with him which is insane. I want to have the custody of the kids but he dragging everything. We r still in the negotiating process and have yet to go to court.

[@Katya7cruz]

@@fayzahabeeb4093 I’m so sorry for your current circumstances. It is terrifying I know. Our family court system is terrible. My ex was a lawyer and I recall the judge apologized to my diagnosed Narc ex but said she had to oblige by the psychologist recommendation. The psychologist be it in a evaluation or just your kids private psychologist is the only one who understands the danger you and your kids face and can help you win this battle. Please know you are not alone. Us survivors stand together strong for our children and other mothers walking down the same path ❤️🙏

[@eponymoususer8923]

Doing the right thing: a judge won’t favor either parent if both are acting badly. Furthermore, the kids NEED one parent to knuckle down and behave like a healthy adult. When your partner is a narcissist, that adult MUST be you. How? Decide what you would be doing if you were coparenting with someone healthy. Make a 10 commandments for your own appropriate behavior and 10 for the needs of your kids. Once those things are in writing, stay true to that. Your emotions will pull you towards survival behavior. This allows you to make excuses for bad behavior when it comes to survival needs. Your intelligence is the remedy for this problem. You need to adopt a habit of disarming your survival alarms. You already understand the dangers, so those alarms have outlived their use. At this point, you use tools like giving yourself time to respond to the ex, using PTSD/DBT (Google it) tools to disengage your survival brain and engage your thinking brain (those things happen in different parts of your brain, amygdala and prefrontal cortex, respectively). You can then use your brain to think, analyze, and reason more clearly. You must never REACT. Only RESPOND. Do these things to make following every letter of your 10 commandments easier. Stay true to your goals by not letting the narcissist instrumentalist you to reach THEIR goals.

[@janinesmith1595]

Would you mind sharing your 10 commandments? Or where you learned any of the things you mentioned?

[@eponymoususer8923]

@@janinesmith1595 That’s part of the journey personal to each person. I was vague on purpose. The journey of deciding who you are and what’s most important to you is as important as the journey of learning to behave congruently with those things. I wish it was easier, but it’s not. It’s about the hardest thing you’ll ever do. The only equipment you have that the narcissist does not is self-reflection and personal insight. They can’t use it because they can’t or won’t bear the pain of shame and accepting their less-than-desirable qualities. It hurts too much. It will hurt you, too, but you can do it. This is only from experience, therapy, and education. I decide on my sources by evaluating their credentials critically. I highly recommend internal family systems therapy to help in this process.

[@rachcopenfreeminds6279]

Thank you for being here. He is manipulative he has my children after he has physically abused them and have filled reports. He is dangerous and very vindictive. I am in Pensacola Florida Escambia County. This is the first week. I'm researching what can I do to help protect them?

[@cheriemitchell8455]

Once you have experienced a challenging narcissist control the court room, counselor, lawyer & judge; faith, hope & respect for the so called protective system is lost. Basically, you know at that point you re on your own….you’ll even begin to examine, question & assess the minds, outlooks (worldviews), personalities & behaviors of the so called professionals involved within the legal process. You’ll then realize they do not have the capacity to see through BS to the holistic truth of a critical matter. Some legal team can see but are sent motivated by separate agendas. This is where some ppl begin to take masters in their own hands. Understanding they have no true defense via legal system. The respect for the failing system is lost, and the hope of help & defense is only expected to come from self & Divine intervention.

[@christopherleubner6633]

You have to divorce without warning, document everything especially child abuse. You will have to use anything you can to prove to the court that they are unfit to parent a child, and make sure to take the child with when you break up and have everything lined up to go for the kid if you currently have joint 50/50. If you leave the kid with the narcisist you will almost certainly lose to them in court as they will claim you left (her usually) with the kid and they will add plausible details.You must do this BEFORE the smear campaign starts.

[@norden_lyrics8481]

hey man you saved my life

[@kennethbryant6489]

Thank you very much this video, we'll all of the videos like this, are very informative and have helped me tremendously.

[@judgeanthony]

You're very welcome! I'm so glad you're finding them helpful! Thanks for watching!

[@alikidimitriadis5138]

Where were these video's when I was going through my battles way back a decade and beyond. It starts from the day you marry these types of people... through the divorce and beyond. I am still suffering the effects to this day. 1997 till now... I still don't think I feel free of the chaos caused. Sad but true. He goes on to marry 4th time and still causing chaos with the next ex-wife. Children get battered in this mix which is so unfortunate. They do not care what damage they do in their hurricane path of destruction they leave behind.

[@coleyhank7623]

Thank you for this 💕 I have an appeal for you to read, lol! Our judges caught on to this!!! Thank god!

[@sherry3018]

What do I do, when my kids and I want nothing to do with my ex our narcissist. The courts put him on supervised visitation and 2x a week Skype visitation. This has caused problems and a reason for him to try to control me and harass me via court system. He plays the VA, and served the country with the courts. I'm lost on how to get him stop. I just want to be left alone. He came back in our lives demanding to see his kids when I got remarried. He claims I have to pay for everything. He emotional and financially abuses us now.

[@demonicextinction8826]

4 years in and he is now aggressively texting me horrible things. In some texts I just reply noted or I'm not reading that because it's so long or you know that's not true . I've stopped being angry and I've started to be strategic. I go to court next month so we will see.

[@jackiepower2439]

Thank you, Anthony! Very helpful! I'm helping my daughter who will be in court in June. Yikes! Scary! So much to learn. It is sad how it has to come to this. I was very lucky, my ex let me raise our daughters. I wish Brianna's ex would eff off. He doesn't even like being a Dad...well, putting my granddaughter in front of a tv all day suggests it... That's all. I have watched all your videos. I truly appreciate you sharing such needed information re custody. Jackie ps. my daughter said to ask you if you'd come to Fernie (BC) :)

[@lize5755]

Yup, putting them in front of TV or a tablet but constantly asks for more time

[@Sarah-qx4vz]

I’m glad she has a supportive mom like you ❤️

[@nises4589]

Does this apply to other types of cases as well?

I find more that the lawyers are the issue as they won’t challenge family violence, or actual breaking of the law by the narcissistic X and focus everything on the accusations made against the other and not defending my own case, but supporting my position is

[@kylibyers9008]

Thank you judge Anthony. I have taken your advise your right it’s not easy but I have to win

[@LJWalter78]

Thank you Judge. I any advise on getting a dirty GAL tossed from a case?

[@kd14marketing]

I signed over custody in order to get my life back together (had to sell my house after his complaints had Me fired). Now I'm waiting for enough cyclic behaviors to go by. What's something I should definitely keep in mind for court as far as proving his instability (he now lives with his mom and makes minimum wage constantly asking for money). I send our son clothing, crib sheets, wipes, and of course I pay my child support. I send him cards and letters and stuff too just because I miss him dearly. I use all of my visit time which is frequently unorganized (he refuses to organize the time until the day of and cuts off my time too short as well). During the time I do get, he uses degrading statements in front of our son. Recording laws in oregon make it difficult to use in court. What's something with the info I've given you that I should definitely keep in mind for the future motions?

[@kittywebb8986]

I have an idea, motion to enter into judgment family group counseling sessions for both parties and the children to participate simultaneously, provided the child/ren are old enough.

[@Kush2020]

Very interesting. Glad I am educating myself.

[@nunya6704]

I wish i could call/ contact you to get you help in my situation, I'm up against a narcissistic psychopath who did inhumane things to me and now is trying to battle for shared custody when he has never been around but mostly always in jail.. it's sick a long story and I need some really good advice as I cannot afford a good lawyer while his parents are for him .. ugh my (our) son is sick a sweet boy, 4 1/2 years, and the father is not by any means for to be a parent

[@scootypuffjr.]

Good luck everyone. There is no winning with these creatures.

[@truthdigger1233]

So they make you lose your head and then say 'see, my ex is crazy, not fit for parenting, whereas I am....' So like throwing literally everything at you and you still have to keep calm. Without children you would just laugh out loud and leave but they use children as a weapon to keep you from leaving insult world. So you are in insult world and have to keep calm for ever. The problem with this is there are limits,. You can't allow for example for your children to hit you. So there's a limit, and with that ex takes advantage. If you don't allow in this example for your children to physically hit you (of course not), then ex will say to the children 'see, he/she is too authoritative, controlling, not good parent'. So demonizing reaches it goal: children are against you, the court too, the ex laughs, end of case? Extremely difficult to be in this hostage-like situation, where anything you do pushes you further down into insult world. Good luck for everyone, these videos help! End child psychological abuse once and for all!!

[@paulwoods5551]

First thing first. The family court system needs reform. The system is unjust and unbalanced there needs to be an overhaul.

[@robertabrown4123]

Our situation is not a divorce custody situation. We have custody of a relative that was orphaned. Originally the aunt was going to get custody but 2 months in the process she changed her mind said she was too old and asked us to take custody. We've been raising him 3 years now and now she's filed for custody and or visitation rights, when she was seeing him consistently. She is controlling and flipped out after not seeing him for 1 month! Started undermining us to the family where we started getting calls and text threatening us and putting us down. Now the lawyer we originally got acted like she probably will get court ordered visits. Knowing her we know that will just fuel her more and be a living hell trying to deal with her.

[@debbiemaloney7128]

This is the key 🔑 to "WIN" I love this video

[@suzettefoye3867]

How much would you charge for a person to talk to me about my situation and give me a few pointers

[@WellHouseSCTX]

My Ex is a Federal Agent and well funded. He has had me arrested ruined my reputation and my career. I have not spoken to my son in years

[@dand9247]

What should I do my ex is turning my kids against me and with holding my time with them not allowing me to see them through the court and agreed parenting time

[@bathumb45]

If it's court ordered and your ex is not complying, file contempt. They can't do that. They may think they can and they will definitely try to make you think they can, but the law is the law. If a judge says you get tonsee your kids at a certain time, then thats the way it is.

[@pameladpelletier]

This is helpful except when there's abuse in the situation.... A lot of the suggestions don't apply because the one who's been abused can't simply fight for more overnights while knowing the the children will be abused in these visits. Do you have any videos pertaining to custody with a narc after abuse? It shouldn't be this way but the courts are still so ignorant and closed eye to abuse an custody.

[@tamathaspencer1018]

Thank you so much for helping the Way You Are your teach me a lot and trying to used it but can't get anybody to help me to use it

[@lyndacarter3900]

That was me once apon a time wen all i wanted was to see my babies

[@judgeanthony]

Lynda Carter I love that it worked out!

[@KS-qy1gj]

I’m in the same spot. I just want my baby to be happy and her father get help, but the emotional and mental abuse has been horrible on my daughter. She wants/needs to be with me but I am made to lookout to be an awful parent.

[@lyndacarter3900]

Naw it's not all good, legal custodian have been in contempt of my visitation on and off for the past few years now 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@mlgoods1072]

i have an order of protection against him so when i bring this case to family court, how can i use this to my benifit to make sure my dsughter gets proper supervised visits

[@user-qc2rh4gu3u]

What state do you practice in? Or let me look through these messages and see if it's stated somewhere. I'm in a southern state, and I may drowning in my divorce with a super narcissist. She has bragged to people that she was trying to put me in jail to gain 100% custody, and she succeeded; baited me into a child visit in her county, and then had me arrested the minute it was over. What?! But I control the emotions and do me. Like you saying your video, be yourself, anyone who knows me, knows me, they don't find out a day or week or year later that I'm fake in any way. So Yeah I think I will be calling/hiring your services ASAP as I just switched representation because my first guy was, not great let's say. Love your videos, I'm be watching all of them right now... Thank you so much for your advice and all that you do!!! Truly!

[@remytembe4249]

Absolutely right.

[@Johnnysallas]

Great video!

[@vic4dubiplaygamez369]

Im going threw this with my sons mom so lawyered up today

[@morehandsvacationrentalpro8151]

YEARS...SIX of them actually. Court again Aug 2nd. :/

[@LauraDicke]

What if your kids are in danger (drugs accessible, severe alcohol drinking, strangers stopping by for drugs and sex) and dhs gets involved but awaiting the CINA case you have to be in contempt to keep kids safe? Do I let them go through more trauma just keep myself out of jail?

[@autumncontreras3943]

Anthony, would I be able to message you somehow and ask a couple questions?

[@Maqa_Stream]

I don't know what I would have done without *usespy online* help in my divorce case. Your dedication, enthusiasm, and expertise were like a lifesaver. You're my hero!

[@redshot1015]

bout to go to battle just filed emergency custody... after 10 years of phsyco Baby momma iam not perfect but craziness

[@josephanderson6473]

Do you do interviews or case reviews on cases before trial

[@macman2549]

My seeds mother told me that if her and I couldn't be together there was no reason for her or my offspring should live I contacted the authorities and took her to court for terrostic threats and the judge threw it out maybe I should have said child endangerment shortly after that I was arrested for failure to appear for a child abandonment waiting on court now

[@jocelynpaniagua6278]

My sperm donor told me he was going to kill me or have someone kill me if I didn’t have an abortion bc I wouldn’t get back wit him 😩 I’m not ready to deal wit him once my baby is here

[@chastitylouis4938]

I need a little help. I got a text message from my daughter's father coaching her on what to say for a sole custody two days ago. How can I present this in court. I have been up reading and studying because I can't afford an attorney so I represent myself. Ultimately, this why the last hearing for joint custody arrangement went downhill for me. Ultimately my child mental state has always been my concern and he exploits her love for him and desire to spend time with him.

[@jerry6744]

I needed this. Thank you! You are 100% spot on.

[@graciouslykind22]

Does the court use recording of a 4yr old as evidence of contempt/parental alienation attempt?

[@joditettemer9872]

I truely need help on finding a way that don’t cost $ that can get him a mental evaluation see if taking meds because he’s also bipolar and has ptsd and has been abusive in the past and now hurting my daughter the system is failing her help please save her