How to work with anger in a healthy way || EDUCATION + DEMO || IreneLyon

Welcome to this unique vlog! If you're up for the challenge, I'd suggest you take this in as a mini-workshop on how to release anger and aggression. So important right now! I'll urge you to watch, and spend some time reading the suggested resources below.
If you're struggling with depression, anxiety, chronic illness + pain, lack of vitality, and just general icky health, this'll be essential learning.
Here's to positive life force energy and returning back to our natural instincts.
Resources I Mention In The Vlog:
► Healthy Aggression: The Way To Un-frustrate Frustration
sethlyon.com/he...
► Anger as Medicine How to Cure Self-Sabotaging Behaviours.
irenelyon.com/2...
► Anger as Medicine Vlog & Q&A
• Anger As Medicine || w...
► This Is When It’s Ok To Annihilate Somebody
sethlyon.com/th...
► When The Body Says No - The Cost of Hidden Stress
drgabormate.com...
► The real deal on fear. And, why we’ve become masters at avoiding it
irenelyon.com/2...
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Thank you for being here!
1. Leave a comment and let me know how this video impacted you. Feel free to leave a question (my team answers them each week!)
2. To get more nervous system health resources, plus learn more about me and my credentials, plus the many ways you can work with me at the practical level, head to my website: irenelyon.com
3. Follow me on social here:
Instagram: / irenelyon
Facebook: / lyonirene
LinkedIn: / irenelyon
SoundCloud: / irenelyon
4. GOT QUESTIONS? Send an email to: [e-mail]
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Please know that…
The statements on this KZbin channel or in videos are simply opinion. Content presented or posted on this channel is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment or a professional therapeutic relationship. Content presented or posted is intended to provide general health information for educational purposes only and you should contact the appropriate healthcare professional before relying on any such information.
My website is a wealth of free resources and information on how to start this work, so here it is one more time: irenelyon.com

[@squeegeeval]

I also felt uncomfortable watching this going into it because what we are taught is to suppress so much….I ended up crying both times Irene released her feelings because it was so beautiful to see someone be your safe place, your shelter. I’m currently in SBSM and had some suppressed feelings awaken this week and am sitting with anger. Writing doesn’t feel enough, crying is a release but there just seems to be so much of it. Will see where the impulse will lead me. ❤

[@andreac647]

Today, before watching this video, I was in a very low, sad, powerless frozen state, after much stress. I was having very negative thoughts and being almost motionless. Then somehow it came to my mind to try one of Peter Levine's boundary exercises, where you squeeze or tap your body parts and say, for example "this is my arm, this arm is mine". And I started doing that with my right arm and I immediately could feel the anger that was hidden under the powerless freeze state. I then continued to feel it and really felt like "coming back to life" in a very short time. It was a very pleasant surprise, I'm going to try it again :)

[@pixiebomb28]

i did this exact exercise last night and almost had to immediately stop due to intense anger/sadness being triggered about a memory. I was so surprised and overwhelmed by how strong the feeling was.

[@anastasiasch5481]

Sounds great, exactly what i need. Where can i read about this exercise? I've tried to Google it, but nothing like that came up. Could you please specify which article or video can i use?

[@anastasiasch5481]

​@@pixiebomb28 you just did what Andrea described above? Or was it something else? Where can i read more about it?

[@mindovermovement6401]

His book healing trauma . ​@@anastasiasch5481

[@hiya1399]

I make these same noises when I'm expressing anger. It's weird how as humans we go back to this primal, guttural noises and tones. Our bodies know this stuff needs to get out we have just been trained to hold it in and keep it in. So many have been shamed to think we are not supposed to get our angry out, myself included. But it needs to come out in healthy ways and this is definitely one of them. At first, it can be alarming hearing yourself make these noises but when you realize we all do this then you know this is the way it's supposed to be.

[@JBGreenASMR]

At 6:26, Seth shaking his head and mouthing "no" when you said, "... it has nothing to do with Seth," made me laugh out loud. I really appreciated that sweet little moment of humor from the two of you heading into something that I was feeling emotionally intimidated about watching.

[@theheleneway8945]

You are the first person telling WHY anger is important. Even my psychologist could not tell my why had to get my anger out. So it did not feel save to get it out. Exactly how youve described it in this video. Thank you for sharing. Helps me so much!👽💚

[@ice.immortal]

Thank you for this presentation. It was really helpful. I’m having great difficulty expressing anger. I suppressed it for so many years. Growing up with angry and abusive parent, I decided that anger was disgusting and also a sign of a weakness and I did everything to not feel it or express it. Also I was being punished and rejected for expressing it as a child early on and as a result I was also afraid to express it as I believed that I will be rejected and abandoned if I do. Right now I’m learning how to release it in healthy way. This video is a great addition to my toolbox. 🙏🏻😊

[@IreneLyon]

Hi honey immortal, Jen here from Team Lyon. It's great to hear that this video is a great addition to your toolbox! I'll link to a few other resources in case they are of interest. What is Healthy Aggression - irenelyon.com/2019/08/19/what-is-healthy-aggression/ Healthy Aggression: The Way to Un-frustrate Frustration - sethlyon.com/healthy-aggression-the-way-to-un-frustrate-frustration/

[@ice.immortal]

@@IreneLyon thank you loads 🙏🏻😊

[@Emma73620]

Thank you Irene, I was struggling with all of the anger that I feel and as you said, trying to release it by getting aggressive on the couch pillows doesn’t help but just makes it feel uncontrollable and unsafe. But with this technique I immediately felt more relaxation in my body, as if something was actually released. And I know there is a lot more and I finally have a way to work with it now, so seriously, thank you.

[@chocoholicaims]

As a previous NICU nurse, infants admitted to the nicu, especially those born preterm have LOTS of trauma. I couldn’t work there anymore because of the unawareness of the psychological trauma we were inflicted and the lack of awareness of that

[@jknell5031]

I don't remember which one of your videos i was watching but I remember my hands began making "tiger claws" and I was clawing the air and then began growling. Finally, I opened my mouth and began showing my "fangs". I truly don't believe I could have expressed myself better

[@nehigurl1212]

I am so glad I found you

[@victoriagypsy3226]

Really grateful for this video. Probably like so many people I feel frozen in shame around expressing my anger this way even though I have the urge to do that. Seeing someone model that expression in a healthy way is really important when we've never seen it before. We need to see it to normalise it and get comfortable with it. So thank you.

[@ivornoiv]

This made my eyes get tears after every release you show here. I will try it. Thank u.

[@anaisminto]

Same here! I have no idea why though...

[@sylk8446]

Same here... wow!!!

[@Lilredjeanie]

Thank you so much for this video. I still have a problem which I find very hard to solve. I am aware that I carry a lot of anger and resentment inside me. I have suffered so much physical and mental abuse and neglect in my life I cannot even explain. When I was young I was so angry all the time until my early adulthood. I remember I was being punished for my energy and anger all through my childhood. I was the restless child, the challenging child, the crazy child, the stupid child etc.. My grandma even called me a beast sometimes and when I had my first boyfriend they said to me that he was too kind person to be with me. So, later I picked abusers... When I was in kindergarden they put me alone in the toilet or dark stockroom because I couldn't get sleep with others at the daytime. No one ever considered how things were at home and how unsafe my life was everyday. Although I understand now that all this was wrong and not my fault the anger is still there. But never there was any room or skills for me to show or deal with it. Because it always just lead me into trouble I then started to surpress these feelings. The more I started to become aware of all this and started to analyze myself little by little it lead me to serious depression which lasted for years. It was not long ago when I started to get on the surface again by creating safety and peace within my life and myself. Mainly by isolating myself from other people. But now all that anger is coming to surface again. I wake up every morning to the dreams where I scream and fight with people or then to the extreme feeling terror of the world around me. I feel exactly the same I did 20 years ago and I feel equally helpless now. I just can't express the anger and I don't know how to deal with it and it makes me afraid of myself. For example - I tried to do this thing you suggest in the demo with a towel but as soon as the feeling started to came into surface I started to become aware of myself and the surroundings too much. I started thinking things like "What my neighbours would think of me", "Does this sound crazy", "How does it look and sound if I start to scream and cry". So, the feeling went right back and I became numb although I really tried to tell myself it's okay and it doesn't matter what others think. I was also seeing this trauma therapist (and other therapists too) and after few months of appointments the feeling wanted to come to the surface there too. But as soon as the therapist said things like "Just let it all out" or something like that it felt like a command to me and the feeling went straight back inside again and I went numb. I've had 4 therapies that ended after that kind of incident. One therapist even send me a text after and said "Your troubles are too challenging for me so I want to quit". It felt awful and I felt more and more helpless and damaged every time this happened. So I find this anger inside me really troubling. Being with people and seeing the injustice in this world triggers the anger all the time but even when I'm alone I still don't feel safe and acceptable enough to just let it out. It limits my life quite a lot and also takes so much energy. I feel like I most of the time I just hate all the humankind. But I don't hate myself anymore. I used to hate myself when I was younger because the anger turned inwards and almost killed myself couple of times. But what I find odd is that when I have done a lot of self-care work after that I feel like the more I love myself the more I hate others. It feels like a major conflict. It prevents me from enjoying things and enabling all the potential I have and connect with people. The neurosensory work works pretty well for me when I don't have these overwhelming feelings coming onto surface. But when the feeling gets fluttering nothing seems to work. I think during the last year my nervous system has been completely relaxed only a couple times for a very short time like only an hour or so. But now when I know how it feels to be completely relaxed it's also frustrating not manage to find that state in the body more often not to mention intentionally. Usually it just comes by accidentally. I feel like this is some kind of turning point in my life and I'm desperate to find the key to deal with all this anger and aggression bubbling in my body. I don't want to surpress it but I'm tired of hating people too. Is there anything to do?

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi, I'm Nicole from Team Lyon. Thank you for sharing your story and where you're at. Working with anger can be very challenging and it's important to do so in a titrated way where the system feels safe to do so (hence why when your therapist invited you to Just let it all out" your system was like NOPE. A few suggestions. Watch this video on titration to get a sense of what that means - kzbin.info/www/bejne/e5W6pa1ufZWKgZo If you decide to explore with the towel again, my sense is that even just the idea of doing it will spark up enough of a sensation to explore. Exploring your anger from this prospective might be really helpful. Tiny bits at a time. I find it's also important to recognize that extreme expressions of anger are often a result of boundaries being crossed big time. There can be real value in recognizing that and bringing awareness to "reclaiming" your boundaries. I also suggest finding a good practitioner to support you in all of this. In my opinion, someone who understands the nervous system and how to explore things somatically is super important. Irene has a video on how to find a practitioner like that. Hopefully there's one in your area. I totally get if there's hesitancy based on your past experiences. But hope that you do find someone. Healing and moving through this anger is possible. kzbin.info/www/bejne/ZmW7d2p3g9Okfc0 Wishing you answers and the support you need in your process. Nicole

[@Lilredjeanie]

@@teamlyon3109 Hi Nicole, thank you for your answer. I actually had an enlightment about the anger and aggression last week as I was really deep waters with it. As you said, extreme expressions of aggression were indeed the result for the boundaries being crossed. I started to look at my anger at different perspective, by being curious and listening to what it wanted to tell me instead of wanting to get rid of it or feeling shame about it. It has completely changed my relationship with anger. By changing the perspective it became my friend and guidelight for reclaiming my boundaries. I have always been accused for being crazy when I've been reacting aggressively when my boundaries have been crossed as I was child (and later on even by some practisioners) so I became more and more ashamed and afraid of my anger. And when I have tried to surpress it I've become depressed and bitter. Now I realize it's there to protect and guide me. Unfortunately there are absolutely no practisioners who would understand these things around my area. My country is coming way behind when it comes to trauma and nervous system treatment and knowledge. I'm so glad I have found your channel. Thank you again for sharing this knowledge and support. To me it has been absolutely inevitable to learn to ground myself first with Irene's 15 min neurosensory exercise and then explore my feelings. By trying to explore the feelings or doing meditation or almost anything while not being grounded it has been increasing the anxiety and dissosiation. By doing the grounding work it has helped me to be much more connected to myself in a safe way and it has helped me to deal with people and everyday life already during these past couple of weeks since I found your channel. I have sensed a growing healthy detachment with other people.

[@AdaAdi77]

@@Lilredjeanie hey, it sounds like you have done therapy on your own, the Internal Family Systems (IFS) of Dick Schwartz type! Are you aware of this therapy? I personally dislike it because I can't feel parts in myself but many people benefit from it.

[@Lilredjeanie]

@@AdaAdi77 Hi! No, I'm not aware of the therapy you mentioned. As I haven't found practisioners here who would understand nervous system aspects to traumas I've continued to work on my own. I have two friends with whom I can talk and they understand it. They are also people with healthy nervous system so being with them naturally helps me grounding too. I practise grounding work every day but the development is REALLY slow and goes like waves. I try to be patient with it and accept the grief (and sometimes the extreme anger too) of the lost childhood and vaste of potential because of this inprisonment and all the limitations that the PTSD has put on me. Not to mention the invalidation and misunderstandings I have encountered with several practisioners and doctors during my journey trying to find help and heal. Where are you with your journey?

[@sherryrobinson7389]

Thank you for sharing, my life was a bit different from yours. But the emotional toll and shock etc. ,are very parallel. I am still reeling from it. Your letter blew me away, and I am still sifting and evaluating it all :my life. I still can't shake the shark fins of memories and emotional toll. And to know and feel that 98% can not grasp this, even though our words and emotions tell them parts of our lives, these people look blank and tune out, and that is where trust goes out the door, because they literally don't grasp the intensity of our shock, that makes me distrust their humanity or their shallowness to acknowledge human pain,shock, and circumstances.

[@Pinkwaterballoon]

Anger is one of the most prominent emotions that i feel everyday and lately its been getting stronger so i decided to watch this video. Its cool seeing you do the demonstration. It was kind of cringe at first but then i kind of felt like crying bc thats how i feel at my core haha its like a child throwing a tantrum 😂❤. Anyways thanks for being vulnerable 😊❤

[@think4myself]

I'm so sensitive, empathetic (and codependent). Sometimes I can't even finish your videos because emotion overwhelms me. I have many unresolved issues- feels like I'll forever dwell in the land of self help. Watching makes me cry because...I don't have an understanding partner, I don't know where to stop when thinking of anger /frustration/heartbreak. I could scream and squeeze all day and still have a queue of pent up shit. I'm tired of hearing my own complaints and frustrations - I say them and I feel weak, whiny, and victim-y. My physical response to what you describe in your videos is overwhelming alone (heat, tears, heart palpitations, anguish). My kids never saw healthy relationship building- the guilt and fear are huge.

[@kstorm9954]

Hey beautiful soul I get it and I’m trying to form a safe space for empaths who have survived trauma to meet each other online for support. Please check out www.survivingthestorm.online my blog and forum is new members only forum for free! Love and light to you 🦋🌏❤️

[@karenhowarth4456]

Hi Irene. I found this quite uncomfortable to watch and also it made me feel very emotional and tearful. I feel it is what I need but I would also find it difficult to do! Thanks for posting the video though, everything I'm watching is taking me a step closer to your online courses 😊

[@IreneLyon]

Hi Karen yes, it is a big piece to take in if anger and this kind of aggression hasn't been present, or was faulty, in our life. Go slow and know that your body knows how to heal and that anger and expression of it in a healthy way is one of the big keys. Irene :)

[@dromdart3563]

This video is very useful bc I realized recently that the reason that I'm stacked in my triggers it's because I had suppressed my anger a long time ago. It try to go out but only in the form of fear, guilt and etc. Thank you 😊

[@panditakasper4631]

I' m so glad you ' ve shown this, cause I was feeling all along that this is what I want to do to get the anger out. It's okay to be primal when apropreate as other mamols do it too, to regulate. 🙏

[@a.k.3110]

Thank you for letting me see this. For me it's educational. I once heard a SE Practitioner mentioning this practice and I'm glad to now see it in action. Very helpful.

[@breezybeats3579]

Thank you for this. I found it uncomfortable to watch at first, but I realized it was because i'm uncomfortable in expressing my own anger. After that realization I felt a release instead of uncomfortable. I will be trying this.

[@orchidsrising7910]

This made me clench my teeth then rawwr out, and clench my fists, but what came out was tears, like old neglect/ abuse issues. Is crying normal after this? You are really on to something- my jaws feel totally chill now, hehe 🥳🥳🥳💗

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi! Nicole here from Team Lyon. So great to hear that your jaw feels totally chill now! As for crying... First I'll say that nothing is normal... ;) But it is common that tears will come especially if, for example, expressing and feeling anger was never easily felt/not ok to feel. There can be so many things all confused and mixed in with anger. Keep exploring! Nicole

[@tracyladams3601]

I didn’t know totally why but when I heard you letting the irritation come from your mouth it immediately brought me to tears. I was surprised by my reaction to your intensity. I think it has a lot to do with my own suppressed anger I experience primarily through parenting. I am finally getting to the core of how to help myself, after being overall unsuccessful with CBT in this realm. It has lead me down the path to discovering the power of somatics. It is all making so much sense now. I’m so grateful to have come upon your content. I hope to take your 21 day nervous system reset when I gather the funds. 🙏

[@IreneLyon]

Hello, Sophia from Team Lyon here. Thank you for sharing your reflections with us. Please make sure to take a look at Irene's free training "Healing Trauma", as well as her other abundant free resources irenelyon.com/free-resources/

[@smurfmama2020]

I wish I had known about this when my daughter would get raging mad when she was little. I never knew what to do, I was in unconscious reactive mode and could not validate her feelings in the moment it seemed so scary and disruptive. I wish I could have made her feel safe and given her safe options to express her anger.

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi, Nicole (again) from Team Lyon. I hear you. Know you're not alone. And it's never too late to start bringing awareness to this. I would invite you to explore if talking to her about this feels like an option. And maybe both of you will be able to gain some insight from Irene's work (irenelyon.com/healing-trauma is a good start!) that will provide some answers and healing for both of you. Nicole

[@AdaAdi77]

Nobody knew that stuff! That is what we are learning these days only... I checked out this book published in 2019, Beyond Behaviors: Using Brain Science and Compassion to Understand and Solve Children's Behavioral Challenge by Mona Delahooke.

[@SavannahE1972]

Wow, this was powerful! To see you actually doing an exercise (for a real issue of yourself) instead of 'only' explaining and telling about it. (Which is very powerful already!!) This a real 'showing' the exercises you teach. Thank you so much. I am in lab 5 now of SBSM and have been feeling some rage last week. I had no teachings about the healthy anger yet and was alone at home. I just sweared and screamed and felt the strong sensations in my body. It felt scary (being in freeze for almost all my life) and strong at the same time. I was 'happy' to feel this anger. It tells me that I am building my capacity for trauma to come release. I can hardly wait to get to the labs where you teach about this healthy anger so I will learn much more how to work with this. Love, Savannah 😘 The Netherlands

[@maricarmenarmenta9146]

Irene I connect with anger sometimes when Im running or doing high intensity workouts. Is it a good thing? I let myself feel it and sometimes I kind of roar, i do it in a playful way but I do feel it. I had severe anxiety and once i started liberating anger everything started to be calmer and calmer.

[@klaramolitva]

That was great, thank you for sharing! And thank you for emphasizing the importance of working with anger.

[@vickioxenham7032]

Thank you Irene and Seth, and thank you universe for always showing me what I need most, when I need it. Anger has been the nemesis emotion for me to allow since childhood, but now as I navigate a difficult, very big life change, it’s coming through where deep sadness was and I want to honour it (this is definitely thanks to your 21 Day Nervous System course, Irene). I’ve found myself making the primal grunts and groans naturally, but will use a towel now to support myself too. So grateful.

[@somatiskorientering]

This brought me to tears. So beautiful to watch. I was there with you feeling the anger and I'm going to squeeze my towel now ❤️

[@jai_perdu_ma_mère_à_5_ans]

Greetings Irene, I do not even know where to start (about my past) and I hate the fact that I was targeted by a former CEO who did target me in a way that I can not sue his filthy a*s so I exposed him the best I could. (about my present) I am also trying to deal the best I can with the root of the injustices in my life with this channel. Thank you for your videos, I discovered your channel yesterday. I will also do the best I can to help myself with them as well. I realized while listening to you that I started suffering from adrenal fatigue I was around 8 years old because I had particular cravings back then just like a pregnant woman has. Self love and strategical and rational exposure of the abuser is the way and f*ck fear (we sure can experience fear as the human beings that we are but it's not good to let fear take the driver seat of our lives...) we are eternal beings.

[@nevermindthemagic]

Wow Irene! Thanks for being willing to share something so intimate with us. It resonated deeply with me and I'm sure my husband and I can use this tool. I've been seeing a Somatic Practitioner to manage my childhood trauma and it has helped me so much in regulating my system. It was one of your video's that introduced me to this work when I was experiencing panic attacks and so I want to share my deep gratitude with you! ♥♥😊

[@evolving-consciousness]

HUGE Thank you for this demonstration!!

[@enadunatov5249]

My therapist did this once with me, I was really having intense emotions and she didn't explain much. In that state I guess I wouldn't remember much, but this helps and really clarifies it. And it encourages me to make sounds.. we did that a few times (yelling or something easier when I am more tired). I am most tense in my hands and face. And now I am thinking what to do on my own when I feel vulnerable and tired, but also frustrated...? I have been hitting pillows and using oil pastels, but now I would like to try something else, something softer..

[@fionas1785]

Thanks for your videos! Brilliant. Just tried this with a rolled up towel after a frustrating week and my jaw signalling the same. Physically Ihad nothing left in me to wring it any more after the exercise. All spent! 😆

[@bobelsey9684]

Anger is a gift that has saved me. Your red speech bomb triggers my recognizing my very healthy anger response

[@piedadg3679]

Thank you so much Irene! I will practice it. Love the kitty support 🥰

[@alexandrajoyce]

Hi Irene, Thank you so much for this!! Can you explain why catharsis isn’t recommended for dys regulated systems?

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Alexandra Joyce, Jen here from Team Lyon. There are a few reasons that this is the case. The nervous system needs to have the capacity to hold the level of activation (aka, energy) moving through it and stay "on line", or present and connected to the environment. When this happens, we're also better able to tune into what's actually happening in the nervous system as well as what wants to happen (movement, words, sensation, emotion, etc.). This usually enables the system to move through the experience in a way that leads to transformation and sustainable change. This isn't to say that it doesn't feel good to sometimes let it all out, rather that it doesn't in itself usually lead to healing trauma.

[@GoldandPinkLight]

Wow, that made me cry. I obviously need that. Love this! Thank you!

[@liz.a314]

Any reason why you don’t think back to the airbnb event and just focus on present day emotion?

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Liz, Seth here from team Lyon. What you describe can work well for resourcing and building capacity to be sure, and with some events just being present with the current emotions, sensations and environment, while recalling the event, can be enough to let any stored stress ripple out of the system easily. However, the ant event wasn't really so traumatic in itself, it was more that it activated much deeper, older trauma and fight/flight energy. When we have BIG aggression that needs to complete, we often need to engage the muscles and strength and affect of aggression in order to really let that energy do its thing. Because we are mammals, as well as as having a neocortex, sometimes awareness of the present just isn't enough - we need to ACT.

[@liz.a314]

@@teamlyon3109 Oh wow ok I have follow up questions to that. By act do you mean literally (set a boundary, etc) or just pretend to act? I have trouble accessing my emotion about past events bc my mind is so scared to get stuck in the story or victimhood that I just don't even work with the emotion. Gah!

[@teamlyon3109]

​@@liz.a314, Jen here from Team Lyon. We actually act - feel/move the body in the moment - AND this doesn't mean we necessarily go back and do it with the person (who hurt or angered us for example). We can do it on our own or with a practitioner. I'll link to a few related resources from Seth and Irene. Healthy Aggression: The Way to Unfrustrate Frustration - sethlyon.com/healthy-aggression-the-way-to-un-frustrate-frustration/ How to work with Anger in a Healthy Way - kzbin.info/www/bejne/aqjHlnWAaJ52q9k

[@makaylahollywood3677]

I found myself bringing up a bear like growling sound coming out- more than once. I just took this as some innate tactic for releasing my frustration.

[@damnedgood3327]

Thank you

[@Paseosinperro]

That’s nothing for me, I get much more primal! I actually have to go to a safe spot in the fields not to scare everyone.

[@katiethomas8954]

Seth looks like a wonderful husband, you are a very lucky lady Irene. He deserves lots of hugs and love, thank you for sharing

[@teamlyon3109]

Thanks Katie, yup she gives me plenty of love and hugs :) - Seth from Team Lyon.

[@_cr8ive_]

Thanks for your participation in this demonstration Seth. 🤝👍🏻👌🏻 God bless you.

[@katiestanley93]

Looking forward to testing my deadlifting grip strength 😛 lol

[@lattemacchiato858]

Are "demon possesed people" are in reality people who have a tons of unexpressed anger in their bodies? Because they say that these people can have a lot of force

[@teamlyon3109]

Hey. Nicole here from Team Lyon. It's possible that these people have a ton of unexpressed, unprocessed anger. Or at least trauma in some shape or form. Trauma can have a pretty big impact on people...

[@candicejaid6107]

I think you'd have to know their brain in a scientific matter, individually, before you limit it to only anger and trauma.

[@vibekekirk]

I really found this video meaningfull and look forward to trying. I also am struck by your courage and honesty. Thank you for all your wonderfully helpful videos. ❤️

[@butterflytotem]

Oh wow Irene! Thank you so much for this! I'm going to try this right now. And I can't believe the coincide with the ants! I had the same scary issue in an rbnb while staying in Gran Canaria (beautiful island BTW). I am vegan and didn't want to kill the ants but eventually it was us or them, so we had to move to another place 😅. Much love Irene, I'm totally getting your 21 tube up tomorrow!😄🙏💕

[@creedles]

What can you squeeze if you don't have a human around?

[@IreneLyon]

Hi Dorie, A rolled up towel works well. So do those zafu/meditation cushions as they are more dense and provide a little more to dig your fingers into. Be sure to read this article my husband wrote that describes some of this as well: sethlyon.com/healthy-aggression-the-way-to-un-frustrate-frustration/ Thanks for watching and asking!, Irene.

[@PresenceandPractice]

Excellent Irene! My wife and I are sharing these videos.

[@IreneLyon]

Thanks for sharing them! It's appreciated. Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator

[@abstractswirls]

thanks for sharing Irene. My concern is that could this anger releasing technique end up releasing too much adrenaline and cortisol? my body goes into fight or flight quite often which has weakened my adrenals. I notice that being aggressive vocally or physically like you showed raises my stress hormones and increases my heart rate. how can this be safe on the body with regular use of this technique? just curious

[@abstractswirls]

so is this squeezing technique ok for very sensitive people to do, such as myself? I tend to slam doors when I get angry which then helps calm me down after releasing the anger without exerting much physical force. but this stresses the people around me which in a way is what my subconscious wants: my anger to be seen and heard by others. What could this be an indicator of when I want to exude my feelings of anger onto others like that with loud noises? I don't want to hurt my loved ones. so the squeezing technique could be a good alternative to slamming doors? Thanks :)

[@IreneLyon]

Hi! We actually NEED adrenaline to be released so we can mount a survival energy action/release. And we want our heart rate to increase. the key is that we don't stay activated in that state after we have expressed and processed that energy. As mammals, we are meant to release all emotion, esp. anger on a case by case basis, so it doesn't build up. What you see me doing in this video is advanced work, and a person need to build their nervous system capacity first so they have the energy reserves to express, emit, mount a fight reaction. For someone with chronic fatigue and say pain, or fibromyalgia, as an example, they may need to do foundational nervous system work first so they have more reserves on board. It is important to know that while this is a technique as a demo, it is something one just does for the sake of doing it. There needs to be an organic anger response that is on the surface waiting to be let out. Hope this clarifies. Be sure to take in my other open free resources so you can learn more: www.irenelyon.com ... you'll find a lot of articles and audio downloads which will explain more. Irene.

[@IreneLyon]

please see my comment below. It is essential to be able to openly communicate our anger and emotions with our people. Slamming doors will not properly release the emotion if the body is not online and aligned with the desire to slam, or express. Have a ready of my husband article on this and it'll give you some gentle tools to try: sethlyon.com/healthy-aggression-the-way-to-un-frustrate-frustration/

[@abstractswirls]

Irene Lyon thank you so much for the response and insight! I will read the articles and tools on your website. thanks for all the important work you do. everyone in the world could benefit from regulating their nervous systems

[@rishaa682]

i did this technique and now i feel like im stuck in some kind of hypervigilant state where even little things are ticking me off (its been 24 hours). I have c-ptsd so i dont know if that has to do with it. i am confused on how to incorporate your ideas on trauma into what i know about c-ptsd. also i was wondering, why does hitting things with a bat or something like that not work as well? i have done that in the past and it has worked for me. thankyou for your videos i have been watching a bunch and am quite interested to see if i can find something that will help me as i heal my c-ptsd.

[@loopsphere6410]

awesome, thank you 💎🙏💎

[@oaktree2254]

Thanks for the video! In a situation where you had young children and became angry at a similar situation(ants in airbnb, not angry with children) how would you express in a healthy way and teach the children healthy anger?

[@IreneLyon]

Hi @oaktree2254 - Kids are easy to engage in playful expressions of anger, like stomping like elephants, growling like bears, imaginary dumping sand or fire on ants. These kinds of playful solutions may get the giggles going and laughter can be as healing for anger as tears and shouts. -Mara with Team Lyon

[@lawrenceduff7368]

To Irene, and anyone else that it might be helpful (hope she still reads these comments): I’ve been doing emotional processing for years, as a survivor of extreme violent and sexual trauma as a toddler at the hands of an alcoholic (probably blacked out) father. I started with what was called at the time ‘Primal therapy’, or what I call the ‘primal process’ (more about that later). I was watching and listening with interest to what you were saying in your videos so far, as I have been wondering how to be helpful to others who are dealing with trauma and looking for help, lately with ‘fellow travelers’ in a 12 step program, Adult Children of Alcoholics, and others in my life (seems like just about everyone has trauma, to one degree or another). I am fully comfortable with processing the most extreme, intense feelings from early childhood experiences, but can't expect others who are new to being present with their uncomfortable feelings to be able to do what I am used to doing, allowing myself to experience. So, the recommendation for new people to take baby steps in being present with uncomfortable feelings is good, I’m sure. But, my experience is that, as soon as possible to fully allow the feelings, even intense feelings, to move through the body can be safe, because the body won’t bring up more than we can handle at a time, though initially it feels that way because when the feelings were first experienced, at an early age, to fully feel them in all their intensity might have been actually life threatening. I questioned (from my personal experience) what I seemed to hear Peter Levine say, if I understood him, that feeling the full intensity should be avoided, only feeling it a little then backing off. Maybe, in the beginning but in my experience, there is something that is experienced that can only happen by fully allowing the intensity of whatever the feeling is to fully connect and flow; grief, fear, terror, anger, rage, or other painful body trauma, because then a full body connection (with the original experience, at the age it happened) and release can happen. But only when you fully cross the line, let go of any kind of control, or attempt at ‘regulation’ and the body/emotional body can spontaneously, fully connect with and release/express/feel the original pain. The characterization of Primal Therapy as “primal screaming” is not accurate, a misnomer, in my experience, though there may be so called ‘primal therapists’ who that may apply to. It is not ‘getting out feelings’ by hitting with a bat, deliberate screaming, etc. In a true ‘primal’ there is no direction of the feeling, there is a complete letting go, and allowing the feeling to have it’s pure, natural, spontaneous expression. Then it can be allowed to fully connect to the original pain, and like I said, an experience happens that can’t be accessed any other way. So, not a criticism, but a suggestion for experimentation; instead of directing the feeling, by squeezing an arm, or any other controlled expression, consider maybe starting there, but then when you feel connected to the stored feeling energy, and it starts to flow, to fully allow that to happen, to trust the wisdom of the body/emotional body/pain body/the Spirit in you to know how it needs to express the feeling, whatever it is. There is a line that is crossed, requiring a full letting go, in which the body, the feeling energy takes over and begins to flow spontaneously, and we just are completely present with it, and witness it, but are also fully emotionally connected. Practically speaking, it would mean (at the point the feeling starts to flow, or from the start), lying down on a mattress (on the floor ideally, ideally in a semi at least, soundproof setting) to let the body move however it needs to move, and make whatever spontaneous sounds it needs to make. Usually a real ‘primal’ (full body connection to original pain) is characterized by talking in the vocabulary of whatever age the feeling originates. Or, if it’s preverbal, just whatever sounds a pre-verbal infant would spontaneously make to express the truth of the pain. It will flow, as you said in another video, like a wave (a great metaphor, that came to me as well) that rises, breaks, and then dissipates on the shore. We just flow with it, or ride it, as you said, completely letting go into the experience. The feeling energy may be very intense, or subtle, or anywhere in between, but we can trust that our body/emotional body won’t bring up more than we can handle at a time, and it will pass/dissipate when it completes itself, usually in a relatively short time, but it's best to allow open ended time to rest and assimilate afterwards. The wave may rise again (or a few more times) in a little while before it comes to resolution for that day/session. The fear that precedes feeling intense feelings begins to recede after more experience of this kind of direct processing of feelings. Most people probably need someone to be present with them who can be present with the expression of intense feelings (if that’s the form it needs to take). I started with people (facilitators), but later (within a year or two) learned that it was safe to do on my own, as needed. Would be happy to communicate more with anyone interested.

[@franivel5253]

When you allow a full response, and as it is not true that the body will always let out only what it can stand, if there is not enough container, you may dissociate, as this is part of what the body knows how to survive and how to handle the waves! "Fully allow to happen" is always the case, but when you say it, it can be interpreted as "pushing it". Even if it does not seem so, Irene does let it happen fully, just the necessary, but you see almost nothing because it is an inner process! There can be more expression, according to the importance of the anger, but Irene is an advanced master at letting her body "do its job", and also, i'd guess she does not wait the emotion is too strong before dealing with it. This video is about a recent event, not accumulated past emotions, so the process is much easier too, though the same.

[@lawrenceduff7368]

Thanks for your reply. Just saw it. My experience that I wanted to share here and elsewhere where trauma is being discussed is that the body/pain body/emotional body/spirit knows how, and can be trusted to process feelings by simply allowing the free flow of the energy of the feeling to take whatever form it takes. When the body is allowed to fully connect to the feeling, and the feeling takes over and flows freely, something happens that cannot happen any other way. It is not ‘getting out feelings’ (night and day difference) or ‘titrating’ feelings (which might be helpful in the beginning, until we can better trust ourselves and our bodies), but like babies, little children, they fully feel their feelings (if they are allowed, or not overloaded) until it has had the expression needed, for that moment/time at least, and then dissipates, quiets down, resolves. When you’ve had the experience for a while, you come to realize you can trust it. But, you may be right, that before that level of trust can be experienced, I’m sure that many, or most(?) people might need (to avoid dissociating, or worse, if they are unstable to start with, very disconnected from the original pain) to just 'dip their toes in the water' to begin to experience what they can allow themselves of their more intense feelings. So her, Levine's approach could be a good place to start, to begin to get connected to feel their own bodies, and feel that they have some control in that process (as they were not in control when they were a child). "Fully allow to happen" is always the case, but when you say it, it can be interpreted as "pushing it". Even if it does not seem so, Irene does let it happen fully, just the necessary, but you see almost nothing because it is an inner process!” I don’t see her fully allowing it to happen. If there’s trauma to be accessed, and the body is fully allowed to connect, a person will be involuntarily moving, making sounds that are at the age of the original painful experience, the specific experience. It happens involuntarily, or it can happen, with a deeper letting go into the feeling, the pain. It’s waiting there to happen, even decades later. So, not “pushing it” at all, but the opposite. Deep surrender, deep letting go, going with and deeply trusting our own spirit/God/nature/the ‘inner wisdom’. What I’m talking about is both a deeply inner process, and outer, really the uniting of the inner and the outer, finally real connection in our being, followed by integration, in a completely natural way. But the fear, even terror of fully feeling feelings at the source is understandable because it’s likely that if we would have fully felt those feelings as they were happening then as children, we might not have survived. So, nature/Spirit in it’s wisdom, mercy allow us to dissociate from that overwhelming pain, but the pain is stored in the body/brain and has it’s effects later. I would just encourage anyone who’s been attempting to process pain/feelings for a while, if the intuitive impulse arises, to simply let go fully into the feeling, instead of trying to modulate it, hold back, stay in control. Something may happen that is scary at first, but is miraculous in a way when you come out the other side and realize you are not only ok, but feeling much better, freer, comfortable in your body, and insights come (after the release) that make a lot of things clear about our own buried history, and why we are the way we are as a result, and offer a way to heal that pain and it’s effects. This may make more sense to people, especially women, when it comes to the experience of ‘having a good cry’ (it’s more socially acceptable for women to cry). Usually you feel better on the other side. But there’s a deeper letting go that can allow a full connection to past grief that was not expressed from early abandonment, losses. I’m just advocating fully letting go, and seeing what happens (when it intuitively feels safe enough to do that). "This video is about a recent event, not accumulated past emotions, so the process is much easier too, though the same.” Regarding choosing to deal with a current issue, as opposed to past anger, or pain: if a current situation brings up very intense feelings of any kind, it’s very likely it’s tapping into, triggering past unprocessed, unfelt pain, though there can be current experiences that can be as intense in their affect as old trauma. The feelings triggered are usually from both. But if the feeling being triggered in the present is allowed to fully connect in the body (in a safe setting), and flow freely, as the body connects, the source of the intensity immediately becomes clear (specific experiences of early abandonment, abuse, etc.), not in the imagination, but in direct experience with that part of ourselves that lived through that. The most important thing, I believe is to learn to trust our intuition as to what feels right for us. It’s the intuitive inner guidance that shows the way forward, and to what feels right in our healing path. It can be trusted, and we can access it, if that’s our intention. Deep breathing deep in the body can facilitate this process, and having some kind of a real connection with a loving Higher Power (of our choosing), some kind of context of sound spiritual principles, and healthy connection with other compassionate people, and reasonable stability in our outer lives, can provide enough of the feeling of safety, in the present, to let go on a deeper level. Here’s a link to see the kind of experience I’m talking about. The facilitator is Art Janov who wrote “The Primal Scream”, the book that first described this kind of direct, emotional processing. The title of the book unfortunately, has led to the misnomer I mentioned in my other comment. It can be very subtle, or very intense; may or may not involve a ‘scream’, but the point is to allow the feeling to happen, not control it, or try to make it happen. kzbin.info/www/bejne/pIKvq4iwhMaGgtE

[@lawrenceduff7368]

I just wanted to add to my previous comments (at the risk of taking up so much space here), as this video/commentary is about anger. I am a survivor of extreme abuse as a toddler; literally torture, violent physical and sexual abuse. Anger/rage is one of the feelings that were the natural expression, reaction to such a violation. I have been able over the years to allow those incredibly intense feelings their natural, spontaneous expression and find relief, probably even avoiding acting those very repressed/suppressed feelings out in a very destructive way I don't even want to think about. But the anger expresses itself (when it comes up) from my two year old self, not in my adult voice/person. It's the righteous anger of a two or three year old; "I geh you, Daddy!!" ("I'm going to get you, Daddy!!"), meaning, when I grow up, get big enough, "I'm going to kill you!!". Feeling/processing those feelings directly spared me from having to act them out on my father, or some substitute.

[@lchall08]

Larry, I like your suggestion of lying on a mattress. My safe, quiet bedroom seems more appropriate to me at this time, rather than squeezing another’s arm to release my feelings

[@lawrenceduff7368]

Yes, and just being present with the feelings (easier said than done, if we have a lifetime of avoiding being present with our feelings), maybe in the context of a safe space in the presence of a loving Higher Power, until the energy of the feelings start to flow, move through us, if we feel safe enough to allow that to happen, and allowing the spontaneous release, not directed, intentional release. It can then fully connect to the source experience, when and where the feeling originated (usually early childhood, possibly at some point even including birth pain), and it can flow, like the wave, until it runs it's course. If it can flow freely, that can be a relatively short time, sometimes longer, but can bring a kind of true connection and relief/release nothing else can, in my experience. And there needs to be enough time afterwards to assimilate and rest. But it has to be something that intuitively feels right, that we are ready for.

[@lizcrotts1913]

I just found you :) & your channel today .. thank you so much for your amazing work & for sharing!!

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Liz, So great to hear that you've found your way to Irene's content! If you're looking for some more resources I suggest checking out: The Healing Trauma Series - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma 7 Steps to De-Stress - irenelyon.com/7-steps-opt-in-IL And Irene's about to start her 12 month program SmartBody SmartMind if that's something that interests you! - www.smartbodysmartmind.com/ I hope to see more of you in the community! Nicole - Team Lyon

[@JN25376]

Excellent video. So helpful. Even more - thank you for what you do on an ongoing basis to help those of us who are out here trying to get to a better place. Your heart to help has touched me in a real way that is helping me a lot to be able to connect and be healthy and have a better life. It means a lot to me. Thank you!

[@annechristinestarbk1330]

Dear Irene, I very much appreciate this video and demonstration on how to work with anger - I tried it - and it works - in a very grounding and natural way :-) Thanks a lot! I was wondering if you have a similar exercise to work with guilt / bad conscience? I find it a very difficult emotion process and I am not sure what to do about it (hold it in? Let it out?) other than being with it, which is hard. I my case it is a guilt / bad conscience of setting healthy boundaries towards my father and for instance not coming home for Christmas (as he would like me to). I feel that I am letting him down, and that I should forget about myself and that I should be there for him - the way he wants me to (avoid hurting him and his feelings). The more mature part of me knows that this boundary setting is a necessary step in my healing, but I find myself torn between these two positions. So I was wondering, if you can shed some light on this, as I imagine that many others might be dealing with this feeling during the holiday. Merry Christmas Anne-Christine

[@IreneLyon]

Hey Anne Christine - awesome - glad you gave it a go and trusted the process. I appreciate you taking the time to comment here! Keep practicing and teach others! Irene.

[@juliehitchcock1253]

Hi there- wondering if boxing would work for this or hitting a punching bag as well? Would you get the same benefit? I just did the towel method and actually feel a lot better. I have been doing somatic practice for 3 years and although Ive really healed I feel VERY STUCK and still have this sense of helplessness. I really feel this is due to internalized anger. I am hearing stomach noises after using the towel..I really think this already helped so much!! Thank you

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Julie Ann Hitchcock, Jen here from Team Lyon. You can try using a punching bag and see what happens. The key is that you want to express the anger/healthy aggression in that you can really feel it in your body and also stay present to what's happening and what you're feeling. Often as we do this we start to notice a shift in state - your stomach and intestines gurgling is a sign this is likely happening. Another idea to consider is that we often go through layers as we heal, so we often revisit what feel like old, familiar places. It can be helpful when this happens to step back and take the long view of your healing journey. For example, you might get curious about whether your experience has stayed the same all three years or has shifted over time.

[@TheSuicidalUnicorn]

Thank you for your videos. I am struggling with some warped beliefs. My mom bought me a condo. This weird belief that because I have a new home that I am not allowed to have any negative emotions. When it's just the opposite. I am finally in a safe place to process my negative emotions. Why do I keep stopping and reprimanded myself? This notion that I am "supposed to be happy right now," I need to shake it off. Where does shame of negative emotions come from?

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Aubrey, Seth here from Team Lyon. I saw your other comment too, and figured I'd address it here as they are directly related. You mom taught you when you were a kid that you need to repress the emotions that make her uncomfortable. What you call 'negative emotions'. Of course there are no such things. Emotions are part of our biological experience, and the only thing negative is what happens when we are taught to repress them. Then they can emerge in negative ways (explosive rage, spiralling depression, chronic health conditions, cancer, etc..). It sounds like the imprinting your mom handed down did it's job well! It's so good that you DO have a safe place now to get into what you r body is holding, you just need the right education and support. So keep watching Irene's videos, download and practice her free resources, and consider joining one of her online programs or finding a good somatic practitioner to work with. I'll put links for all that below. Free Resources - irenelyon.com/free-resources-2/ Online Programs - irenelyon.com/programs/ How to find a good Somatic Practitioner - kzbin.info/www/bejne/ZmW7d2p3g9Okfc0

[@Outthinkingparkinsons]

Interesting - I will be sharing this to my facebook pages. I have no doubt that people with Parkinson's are just as frozen emotionally as they are physicallly and just as important as myofascial [muscle] release will be anger/fear release [I have found guilt is the particular problem in PD though].

[@nabi36912]

I love how your cat is there ❤

[@damnedgood3327]

I just share you on fb... Everyone needs to hear you! Thank you for helping all of us

[@IreneLyon]

Damned Good, thanks for spreading the word! - Jen from Team Lyon

[@mayamachine]

Ok I learned many native conflict resolution games as a child. I had played many. I see what your doing, and it's like a whole different perspective on it. Wliwni Nibezunbaskwa

[@evannicholls4784]

Nice work Irene...

[@juliehitchcock1253]

Would punching a pillow work for this? I just had so much anger come up and for the first time ever punched a pillow and screamed and do feel better but wondering if you get the same benefit?

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Julie Ann Hitchcock, Jen here from Team Lyon. Sometimes we may just need to let loose, and generally speaking an important element to expressing healthy aggression in a way that leads to sustainable shifts is doing so in a way where we stay aware of the body, the connection to the environment and what we're feeling as we express the aggression. This can be with pillows, a wall, an arm, etc. and awareness is key.

[@dale_frond]

Can you explain the differences between this kind of discharge and catharsis, like yelling or punching a pillow? Because catharsis doesn’t seem as effective, I wonder if it’s in like the subtlety, the slowness, the attention to energy/organic impulse?

[@IreneLyon]

Hi Taylor, Seth here with Team Lyon. Yes, it's because of all those reasons you mentioned and more. Big, cathartic actions are usually too intense and too fast when it comes to processing held traumatic stress. Do do this successfully not only do we need to be connected to the actions we are doing, we also need to be connected to our internal world of sensations, emotions, impulses, and to the external world as well - the environment we are in, how it supports us, and if someone is with us (which is ideal) we need to be connected with them as well. We've found that it's only by slowing down the movements and being very intentional, that we can maintain awareness of all these things.

[@annyspb1]

Good health!

[@jeannined7532]

Is doing this by myself on both of my arms problematic? I live alone and while it may not be ideal I tried it and it was relieving and I didn't feel like I was directing the anger toward myself in any way.

[@ryandouglas7976]

You are awesome woman!

[@horgecondaliza6644]

Hey Irene I was wondering if you had exercises like this in your program for sadness?

[@IreneLyon]

Sadness can be seen as the opposite of that fight/flight/anxious state. It can be seen as more of the slow, depressive state. If that's the case, then the exercises in the program totally apply. The exercises are all about helping find regulation - whether you're anxious our sad. The better regulated our system is, the less time we spend in these states - or the more tools we have to be with ourselves in these states. Have you checked out any of the free resources on www.irenelyon.com yet? Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator

[@horgecondaliza6644]

@@IreneLyon awesome thanks for the reply. I have the free resources are great. I'm gonna try the 21 days first and go into SBSM this upcoming spring ☺

[@IreneLyon]

Looking forward to having you in the programs and hearing how it goes for you! Nicole

[@angelaaielloph.d.1084]

another fantastic video!

[@zoeelisebell]

this helps me so much thabk you GENUINELY so much

[@erichbrough6097]

Not to trivialize this exercise, but it looks very similar to the 'woge' transformation we used to see on the NBC show, "Grimm" - guess I can look forward to releasing my inner Blutbad

[@verano126]

Lol🤪

[@prograven4844]

whose drum kit is at the back,you could pound it and might calm you down

[@IreneLyon]

Hah. That's Irene's husband Seth's drum kit. -Mara with Team Lyon

[@gonnabapro]

Thank you for this. Tried it with a towel and felt great. Do you have any thoughts about what it might mean if my chest and breathing got tight and my head hurt a bit while I was doing it? Any suggestions for what I might do about that? Thanks!

[@teamlyon3109]

Hey gonnabapro, Seth here from Team Lyon. Ok, yes I do have an idea about why this may have happened. When we move the energy of anger in this way it is powerful! And it does generally feel very good, but it IS a high voltage energy moving through the body, and if there are parts of the body that are not open, not flowing, the energy can get a bit stuck there and result in the the kind of symptoms you describe. We call these bodily containers, 'Diaphragms', and it sounds like your shoulder diaphragm and at least one, or possibly all, of your head diaphragms may be a bit stuck. I suggest joining us for SmartBody SmartMind, coming up this March! There are three days devoted entirely to working with the Diaphragms.

[@gonnabapro]

Team Lyon thanks for your thoughts Seth! I plan to join- I got on the waitlist- and am so looking forward! I recently got the 21 day program too.

[@gonnabapro]

Also- do you think it’s not productive for me to do this practice until I can open up my diaphragm as essentially the energy is not really releasing?

[@teamlyon3109]

Hey! Nicole here - one of the other moderators! So great that you've joined the 21 Day Program. It might be that through the exploration there you'll gain some more capacity and insight to start exploring this a bit more. My suggestion is that if you do explore this practice, do so a little bit at a time and let your attention be less on the idea of releasing, and more on the curiosity of what's happening for you when you do this in subtler ways. Looking forward to having you in the 21 Day community! Nicole

[@gonnabapro]

That’s helpful thank you!

[@JennyBesserit]

Thank you for adding in that we should feel heat in the face. That's gunna be my goal

[@ALzkaban]

How can we get this anger to come up to be expressed like this? (or with a towel in my case, since I have no willing participants) I am disabled and still live with my abusive parents. So when my anger comes up, most often it is at them. But I have to stuff it back down or else I will lose my place to live. I can’t figure out how to bring it back up later to be integrated. By the time I am in a safe place to express my anger, I don’t feel it anymore. I would really appreciate any suggestions on how to get angry again in a more appropriate setting! But I am already SO GRATEFUL to have found someone suggesting something other than journaling about my anger. That does NOTHING and I’ve felt like there’s something wrong with me because of it. Even though deep down I knew that wasn’t right.

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Allison Haynes, Jen here from Team Lyon. Great to hear that Irene's approach to anger is resonating with you. Many folks in Irene's SmartBody SmartMind program have also found it to be life transformational. To answer your question, here are a few things you might try: - stepping away as soon as possible after the anger arises with your parents so that it's still "fresh" and replaying the scene as you twist the towel - "faking it til you make it" - if you can't do it right away, imagine a time when you felt angry with them and imagine that you can feel the related emotions and sensations as you explore the movement with the towel - when you are with them and feel angry, perhaps play with a physical way you can express your anger in the moment such as pushing your feet into the floor (or a surface), imagining that you could take your anger and shoot lasers out your eyes (like a super hero), or taking your hands and imagining the you are wringing the towel - if anger isn't available when you want to work with it, you might see if you can access some agitation, irritation, or annoyance and work with the energy of any of those. It's can sometimes be helpful to start with less intense emotions, and sometimes they are more available. And sometimes we need to build more capacity before our system is ready/open to working directly with anger and healthy aggression. If it's an option, participating in one of Irene's programs and/or doing some work with a nervous system practitioner can be helpful here. And lots to try on your own too!

[@ALzkaban]

@@teamlyon3109 this helps a lot, thank you so much!!!

[@angelicacroitoru4946]

It felt so weird knowing that this material was only por your program participants.

[@mcady1000]

When I've been angry I want to sometimes tighten everything up in me so hard I can start shaking and will make noises and then the release feels so good. Is that at all like what you are showing here? I want to be able to actually process my anger not suppress it.

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi mcady1000, Jen here from Team Lyon. It sounds like you're in the ballpark, and it's challenging to say for sure without knowing more about your system and experience (which is beyond the scope of what we do here). One key idea to keep in mind is that you want the survival anger/healthy aggression to move through you in a way that you're system can handle. This means that you really want to be aware of what you feel as you're feeling it and of what your body wants to do (and your limbs in particular). Also, notice in detail what happens after your release. Often there's a shift in state that occurs. Irene teaches more about this in her paid programs (she goes into healthy aggression in SmartBody SmartMind) which I'd highly recommend, and I'd also recommend checking out the resources Irene links to above for more background about working with healthy aggression.

[@trishthompson1777]

thank you for sharing

[@IreneLyon]

Sure thing Trish.Hopefully this shed some light on this important emotion and its energy :)

[@theheleneway8945]

And I have a question what if someone is angry all the time and expresses(doesnt keep it in) that...but the anger does not go away...what does that mean? Is the anger not fully processed...or what?maybe you answer my question maybe not...thank you anyways...

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi, Nicole here from Team Lyon. Anger (or the unhealthy versions of anger) can range from being totally shut down and not accessible or expressible to being expressed as extreme rage. There are many possibilities on why someone might always be angry. But it's possible that it stems from trauma. It could be that there's something that lies underneath the anger that has not been accessed (other emotions, expressions, incomplete survival responses, etc.) It could be that it's their only known way to be in the world that (to them) feels "safe"/keeps them feeling protected. The reason it doesn't go away is that to them it serves a purpose and chances are they don't know how to do anything else. Hope that's helpful.

[@theheleneway8945]

@@teamlyon3109 Hi, thank you so much for answering. Very interesting. Thats very helpful. 💚

[@НатальяВасильевнаЗолотарева]

So helpful!!! Thank you!!!

[@archetypalmuse]

I'm just wondering, could this technique be done to your own self? Your own forearm? There's probably a reason why you don't give this option, so I'm wondering why :)

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Elyse, Nicole here from Team Lyon. Your own forearm might be. bit tricky, but you could use a rolled up towel or a noodle. Or anything roundish that has some play/room for squeezing and ringing out :) Let me know if you have further questions with this! Nicole

[@ryandouglas7976]

I like the dude in the video

[@rmroberts94]

I've been following you for a long time, but today I decided to look more into your healthy aggression videos. I had never come across this one before. As soon as you began expressing your anger in this healthy way, I had such a visceral reaction and immediately started weeping. It's unclear whether it was related to my recent angry outburst (which I was still carrying shame around) or whether it was a response to my abusive childhood (which would be more fear when someone loses control I will be hurt). Any idea on how to parse that difference out for myself?

[@IreneLyon]

Hi Rachel, Seth here with Team Lyon. Hard to say for sure, but your response was very likely rooted in your trauma from childhood. It could have been a combination of things too - like fear getting triggered because of the anger you witnessed and/or expressed, but also the system sensing 'I really need to do that!'

[@rmroberts94]

@@IreneLyon thank you, Seth! After leaving my comment, I continued exploring the sense I had and it did seem to feel like almost an initial fear followed by RELIEF and also a little sadness that no one ever taught me to do this! And now I know it's okay. Mixed tears of surprise and then a strong sense of relief and wishing I'd known. Thank you so much for all the work you two are sharing. This is invaluable!

[@abcek6006]

I think that I swallow down the thoughts that express my boundaries or anger Is that possible?

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi abce k, Jen here from Team Lyon. Often we express boundaries from a felt sense of ourselves, and feel anger in the body too. We may have thoughts that reflect these experiences. It's certainly possible to have these feelings start to come up and then to swallow them down or otherwise inhibit their expression. Becoming aware of this is a great first step!

[@LoveToday8]

I'm working with someone who doesn't have many social connections. Could this potentially be used with a countertop? For example, gripping the counterpart and trying to externalize the anger?

[@IreneLyon]

Hey LoveToday :). Yes, this can be a tougher --- and, be sure to read the first article I linked up above. That gives some great starting points to work with this solo. Other great things are big paper towel rolls. Having some "give" is important so you don't hurt yourself. The most important thing though is connecting to that INTERNAL emotional energy first. A lot can happen with just squeezing the fists real hard and letting go. :) Thank you for watching and asking. I appreciate it. Irene. xx

[@thehighpriestess8431]

Fantastic!

[@rebeccamoritzen745]

I have a question I can not express angry ever. If I won’t get better is the best way to go to the curse?

[@IreneLyon]

Hello, Sophia from Team Lyon here. Sorry to hear you're dealing with unresolved anger and thank you for sharing. Here is what Irene has previously said about working with anger: kzbin.infok6NKUYysFws, kzbin.info/www/bejne/iJ3Nn3eChK-qmpo , kzbin.info/www/bejne/bGe6npKehqqmadE , kzbin.infok6NKUYysFws . Additionally, if you're included to get started with this work, I encourage you to check Irene's free resources: irenelyon.com/free-resources/

[@יוסידיין]

thank you !!!

[@sumina8653]

Had dream Need to get rage out of body but no-one to do this with. On verge of chronic illness. Body giving warning. Is there a lone alternative exercise please? Many thanks,

[@IreneLyon]

Hi Sumina, Seth here. Yes indeed, you can do this with a towel that is rolled up enough that you really have to work to twist it more. Or you can do it with one of these... www.amazon.ca/TheraBand-Tendonitis-Strength-Resistance-Tendinitis/dp/B00067E4YU/

[@sumina8653]

@@IreneLyon Thank you Seth. I do not have much strength in my hands, so will this still work or is there something else like punching a pillow. Hatred, rage trapped in body needs release. Many thanks. S

[@IreneLyon]

@@sumina8653, Jen here from Team Lyon. You have many other options for how you can work with your anger and rage. For example, you can push on a pillow, or push on a wall, you can make and release fists, push the feet into the floor and then release, do a few squats and/or make sound. You can also follow any organic impulse that arises from within.

[@sumina8653]

@@IreneLyon Thank you to all. It is quite difficult to recognise the anger, feel, express it because it is buried so deep & I am afraid of it. It makes me miserable & I need want some happiness, kind supportive people in my life. I have been dancing like a boxer & punching out into the air imaging the source of the rage is in front of me. Seems to work but not sure if resistance against something is required, better? Many thanks to all. Worried as my body is unpredictable. I have a blood disorder that has lowered the immune system & now have back pain. I am finding EFT may be slowly working. Blessings & thanks,

[@IreneLyon]

@@sumina8653, Jen here again. It takes time for the anger to come to the surface when we have a long history of holding it inside (as many of us do). You mentioned that he way you're exploring this seems to work, so you might continue to explore that. Know that less is often more in this work, generally speaking and especially when the body is depleted. I'll link to a related video that you might check out. Irene also has a self-study program where she teaches you basic education and practices related to this work. I'll link to that too in case it's of interest. Titration Explained: Never Rush Trauma Healing - irenelyon.com/2020/04/26/titration-explained-never-rush-trauma-healing/ 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up - 21daytuneup.com

[@mariesmith5670]

I don’t understand the difference between screaming or hitting a piece of wood with a hammer or squeezing someone’s arm. To me they’re all the same. And single people don’t have an arm to squeeze. So what’s the difference?

[@IreneLyon]

Hi Marie Smith, Jen here from Team Lyon. I can see how this might now be clear, and I'll see if I can shed some light on the differences as there are a few. I have a background in Gestalt Therapy and spent many years in workshops and trainings where we were encourage to scream, push mattresses, punch pillows, and the like. While it can be helpful at times to allow for these big releases, this is different to the way we work with healthy aggression (which includes irritation, frustration, agitation, anger, rage and more) in this nervous system based way of working. When we're working through the nervous system lens, we want to really feel the physiological impulse towards expressing some form of aggression, and from this place of impulse notice how the energy wants to move and express while we stay connected to our body and to what's happening in the present. We also want to respect the nervous system's capacity, which often means doing a a little at time and/or noticing what else might be present (sadness, grief and fear often accompany HA, among others). Squeezing the arm also has the added element of being relational. Many of us learned that expressing anger disconnected us from and/or hurt others. While we don't have to express it in relationship, there can be a healing element to doing so where it's possible. As a single person myself, I do this with friends, family members, and it's also often done with a trained practitioner. I'll link to a related article in case you'd like to learn more. Healthy Aggression: The Way to Un-Frustrate Frustration - sethlyon.com/healthy-aggression-the-way-to-un-frustrate-frustration/

[@elis9419]

You are awesome.

[@marketa4074]

Is it required to have the other person there? Could I do this with a pillow with the same effect?

[@IreneLyon]

@marketa4074. Jen here from Irene's Team. Yes, you can do it with a pillow, a wall, etc. You can also do imagine another person there too.

[@michaelalesayova6092]

Wouldn't this end up though transferring something from one (affected) to another one (unaffected) body? And making it that way affected too? Could this not be done with an inanimate object?

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Michaela Lesayová, Jen here from Team Lyon. I hear your question, and when we do this with awareness, attention, and buy in and support from the other person it can be quite healing and transformative. It's very different when when we "dump" answer on other person. As many teachers will say, we often heal in relationship. This includes being in healthy relationship around the "tougher" emotions as well as the softer ones. Irene has a playlist related to healthy aggression. I'll link to it here in case you'd like to learn more. The Importance of Anger and Healthy Aggression - kzbin.info/aero/PL_tIcR-r0CU4aEem6-uLPRUyZL9ZM7oqj

[@robynjames812]

cant get the links where can I access them please

[@IreneLyon]

Robyn James, the links are in the comment sections of this video. Are there some missing? Let me know and I will link them to you! Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator

[@theahyerfrederiksen1979]

What about screaming and yelling og hit the trees... isnt that a healthy/safe way to express anger?

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Thea, Jen here from Team Lyon. Sometimes screaming and yelling can be helpful, and sometimes when we do so we may be bypassing something else that wants to happen. One way to tell the difference is notice if things start to change afterwards. Does the charge/tendency to react lessen? Do you feel different inside? Start to relate to people differently in any way? These shifts can be subtle at first, and they typically become more noticeable with time. I'll think to a related video of Irene's about cathartic practices that may help to further clarify this. What is a cathartic practice? Are they useful for healing trauma? - kzbin.info/www/bejne/pKDWZmWtq6tqobc

[@alexandraazer1990]

I did process anger and it was very helpful that day. I felt a shift in my digestion and something released. But after doing this I have been so incredibly afraid. I needed to speak in front of people in a seminar and I was more scared and dissociated than ever!!! Why is that? I heard shame-based words in my head very strong, commenting everything negatively in my head, and after the speak was over I collapsed and cried. what is that? and how do i need to handle this? Is this a release cry or some sort of retraumatizing? this ALWAYS happens when i try to get some anger out.

[@IreneLyon]

Hi Alexandra Azer, Jen here from Team Lyon. Sometimes we need to build more capacity before releasing the healthy aggression (anger) or release it in a slower, more titrated way. And when we do slow down, sometimes we find that there are other sensations emotions that come up on the way to expressing the anger (grief or fear for example). I'll link to a few of Irene's related videos that might be helpful. You might also consider checking out here 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up which teaches you foundational skills and education related to working with your nervous system. I'll link to that too. Titration Explained: Never Rush Trauma Healing - irenelyon.com/2020/04/26/titration-explained-never-rush-trauma-healing/ Titration. Why it's important when healing trauma - kzbin.info/www/bejne/oYbKnKKtj82gjdU DIY: Ancient Anxiety Medicine - kzbin.info/www/bejne/ZnqmpJWOiqh-o68&lc=UgzKvm65Pqe9xARznlN4AaABAg 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up - 21daytuneup.com

[@alexandraazer1990]

Thank you for youre response! I already did the 21 day nervous system tune up. It really helped. But processing anger is very difficult. Almost always I have a fear response afterwards followed by a big cry and next day I find myself more in a shut down response. That is why I ask, because I feel I need to get the anger out but I dont know really how to avoid the collapsing afterwards. Is it self punishment for being angry or something?!

[@IreneLyon]

@@alexandraazer1990, Jen here again. It's great to hear that you did the "Tune Up" and that it helped. I did want to make sure that you're aware that it's designed to be done repeatedly over time, progressively integrating the practices into daily life? With this work, it's the consistent practice over time that really makes a difference. And as for your question above, as I shared previously it sounds like you might want to titrate more - what's coming out is too much for your system. In this work, less is often more. The collapse is not self punishment, its the system's way of communicating that it's been pushed past it's capacity in the moment. I encourage you to consider revisiting the Tune Up, and asking some of these questions in there where we can direct you to related practices.

[@alexandraazer1990]

@@IreneLyon Thank you

[@augustinmann5170]

Repectfully wondering why you need to do that on someone else. Why not just use the towel.? Im sorry if that was explained, but I missed it if it was.

[@IreneLyon]

Augustin - Mara here with Team Lyon. You can do it on a towel. Sometimes that's enough. Sometimes doing it with someone else's arm also supports social engagement. The other person is not activated and can stay solid and neutral for you. You may even connect over some humor or relief after the squeeze, and that supports more regulation.

[@mellejobs7412]

I tried this and I am ex-haus-ed I have a lot of suppressed anger and caught myself dissociating. I tried grabbing my sheets and was so in satisfied I couldn't just break s*hit - but it was also good. I fell immediately info a deep sleep and still feel tired. I got work to do.

[@teamlyon3109]

HI Melle Jobs, Jen here from Team Lyon. Great to hear that this practice resonated with you. Quick tip - sometimes just a little bit can go a long way. It may be something to play with and notice what happens if you continue to explore working with healthy aggression.

[@oceanside13]

I live alone, except for my Emotional Support Cat. Sometimes I feel irritation and anger with her. She actually knows how to irritate me when she wants attention. Anyway, maybe I could get her toy on an elastic string and play with her when I am feeling irritated.