Understanding Trauma - Part 7 - Anger

Many people with Complex Trauma have suppressed their anger for so long that they are not even aware that they have deep anger issues; but once they become aware, they admit that a deep anger has been there for as long as they can remember, and they are afraid of it. Tim explores the difference between healthy and unhealthy anger, and tools for managing anger in a healthy way.
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[@marykennedysherin3330]

Only my rageaholic mother was allowed to be angry. We all ended up with anxiety and depression, and now taking care of her in her 90s. She’s even more angry now because she’s not in control of everyone!

[@johnharrison2511]

Lol..😂😂 Nice that you look after her 😊🙋

[@weaviejeebies]

I'm sorry you're having to put up with her. I hope there's some feeling of relief at you being in control. They just get worse as they get older. I have zero patience or compassion for my 86 yr old narcissistic father. I actually have to stay away because I am tempted to engage in revenge abuse now that he's had strokes and is frail. That's a pretty shameful thing to admit, but it's true. Doing something like that to another human being on an angry impulsive is against everything I usually stand for in life. I am better than that, I am not like him. Plus he's not worth the prison time, so he is in the care of the state government and I am 1400 miles away hoping to get the phone call that will tell me he is gone according to God's will, and I am free.

[@jessicat7245]

​@@weaviejeebies I wish you to be free within yourself now. I say this because the feelings can remain long after the person is gone.

[@juliebraden4865]

My dad was the rageaholic. My codependent mom supported him for the most part. She meant well? I think? But ended up disguarding me yet again in her last 5 plus years into dementia. Good times. 🥺

[@dyan785]

@@weaviejeebies I hear all of this. I know I’m actually free but just cant feel really free until he’s gone. I scan obits 😂

[@raphaellacunha-abiserhal4791]

Why don't his videos have millions of views? The world needs these life-changing teachings.

[@jeninaverse]

Because it messes with the divide and Rule tactics of political profiteers is the short answer.

[@Visioneering1]

People are sleeping

[@annawhitakr6401]

share him

[@georgialeblanc6449]

Likely suppressed by the demonic overlords. Share and pray over it to reach who needs it. They can’t stop it then!

[@That1grI]

I often wonder that myself how does this video not have 1000 likes and comments , I can only imagine there arnt a ton of ppl brave enough to understand what’s going on under the hood, cheers to everyone whoze tryna heal yooooo 🙃🫧🫧🫧🫶🏻🙏🐥🐥🙏🐥

[@adamkolakowski5356]

You’re doing god’s work friend. You have helped me greatly recover from a really shitty childhood and hopefully saved my 18year marriage. Thank you.

[@maryleekomaniecki5799]

I have always thought that the study of psychology ought to be intertwined with religion. After all, it is the study of how to reconcile feelings and attitudes and it seems to me that is a very spiritual thing, very close to what Christ was talking about in being sensitive to one another. But, instead, there is all of this suspicion and derision on the part of many in the psych field, and almost total ignorance of psych on the part of so many in the religious world. It is so sad to me. I feel glad that I straddle the two worlds; I can't imagine one without the other.

[@sharonaumani8827]

@@maryleekomaniecki5799 Intertwined with spirituality, not religion. Religion has been the cause of a lot of people's trauma. Spirituality has been the balm.

[@leahflower9924]

Anger is considered dangerous so people end up depressed or dissociating because it's safer

[@catalystcomet]

I think it's considered dangerous because typically when we're children if an adult around us is experiencing anger it's because they deem something as threatening their survival. Typically though, what they're experiencing is a trigger which was created at a time when they were young and their survival actually was threatened. So you could get angry that your spouse isn't paying attention to you and that could really piss you off but it's because you're triggered and brought back to a time where a parent was neglecting you. Then of course you're not allowed to be angry, maybe they call you selfish or something. So you're taught to believe that the idea of caring for yourself and advocating for yourself is selfish. Even dangerous in and of itself.

[@Naiiina05]

very true my friend.

[@etcwhatever]

It happens when were invalidated to much...thats when anger turns inwards and creates depression and dissociation. My 2 cents

[@Jackmonkey66666hghinnv]

@@etcwhateverI would think your right or this atleast holds a good chunk of creating these feelings it also makes it so that you have no trust in yourself and discredit your own ability to make decisions for yourself because you are always “wrong”

[@krustysurfer]

​@@catalystcomet Yes I agree... However just because we are triggered by people places things does not justify us reacting in anger. Were all victims, however we need to react in a healthy non destructive fashion... that is maturity. Victimhood is not healthy. We are survivors! Love wins the war! God bless you and yours.

[@jenniferstanley2282]

Wow. You know, I’m not even a Christian. But you are SO good at explaining things and SO compassionate, even I stick around for the Jesus bits. Thank you very much for creating this content and helping people on their healing journey.

[@Ruby-wise]

I was brought up in an “ Anger is. S I N!” home, by an angry dad. My brother and I were not allowed to either express our anger openly, or, speak up about an injustice. We were physically punished for expressing anger. It’s taken me a lifetime to understand that my parent’s teaching only served to evoke anger at the injustice of being suppressed! Omy. TY Tim for more clarity on a faulty religious myth. Properly taught is…” you be angry, Just don’t allow your anger to harm another and violate the Law of Love.”

[@Sarahwithanh444]

I grew up in a strict religious cult, where “contention is of the devil”, which translated to anger. Anger was NOT allowed; we would be physically punished for expressing anger outwardly. From a young age, I turned my anger inward, resulting in suicidal thoughts from the age of 12, dysfunctional eating (undiagnosed because going to see a professional for help was frowned upon), self-harm, and deep depression, that lasted for decades. Part of healing for me has been accepting and welcoming, feeling and processing my anger. Which consequently has resulted in being able to feel all other emotions on a much deeper and richer level. Tim’s words of wisdom have had a profound impact on my healing and I’ll be forever grateful to have come across this channel.

[@insertband7536]

Feel for you and sorry you had to go through that. I grew up in a more moderate form, son of a pastor & christian psychologist. But ended up with a lot of the same things. A huge amount of christian guilt. It’s not easy and is terrifying. So happy to hear you’re on the other side of it. Not easy, you should be proud of your progress

[@BTParent]

This guilt ...... Tim explains some plainly. ..deep understanding gives this ease - thank you again Tim!!!!!

[@taylorhumes7567]

Curious, but what does your anger even look like?

[@scarlettking8246]

Thank you so much for helping me see what's wrong with me at 59 years old. Now healing can begin. ❤

[@t.tenney3470]

It's not: what's wrong with you. It's: what happened to you. 😢

[@debbietodd8547]

Fear and anger seem to be entwined in me, I can't seem to figure where one starts and the other begins. It seems the anger bubbles after fear......fear of rejection, being lied to, abandonment are my top 3. Anger was squelched quickly when I was a child , as was the word "no" , you never say no to an adult. Anger or temper from frustration was punished. I haven't learned to say NO until very recently and I'm 69 yrs. young.....and I feel like I'm looking over both shoulders when I say it! New to your channel and boy is it bringing up a lot of shit🥺

[@melaniehassler2405]

Thank you for sharing. I'm 58 and finally processing the mess. Knowing where it comes from helps only so much and I still have to walk through all of it, but I'm seeing my growth. I'm healing and the healing is gaining momentum, like a train headed in the right direction. Blessings on you, thanks again. It gets better 💜

[@FountainheadTV]

Tim, I have been watching this series for the past year and it has become a constant source of inspiration and research for my own struggle and work in mental health. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for what you do.

[@emansona]

This is so relatable to what I've been struggling with. 23 in a good relationship but all the sudden I have all this anger I haven't felt before over so many injustices. I always thought I was passivist and just wasn't angry. Now I'm seeing i majorly turned it all inward to myself which led to my over a decade long self harm addiction and other issues. I'm really struggling with so many things I'm remembering from my childhood that fill me with over whelming shame and sorrow. I try to take the memories as they come and try to ride out the feelings. It's exhausting. These videos help me have better insight as I'm trying to figure out why I feel so out of place in the world.

[@rg1whiteywins598]

Anger is my main struggle. And I feel almost hopeless.

[@johnrice1943]

As a child i remember having my back against my bedroom door, clutching my blanket, scared to death, hearing my dad yelling and being angry. My parents verbally fought a lot when i was young. Usually after dad had a few beers. He was cool sober mostly, or when really drunk on margaritas, but after a few beers the anger bubbled out. I was always terrified. On top of the sense of justice of autism, I'm the angriest person you will ever meet, also struggling with anxiety and depression. I try to push it down when it's inappropriate, but when I feel it isn't and let it vent, i scare people. Also i have no brakes, no chill. 0 to 100 real fkn fast.

[@bigthunder7002]

Same, I seent my mom get whooped by my drunk dad.

[@user-ek7yc9fh7y]

These talks are better than therapy. Thank you Tim:)

[@denisegreenhoe1758]

My anger began at birth. I had to protect myself from both emotional and physical abuse from my mother and sisters who made it very clear I was not wanted. I had to be angry. I had to explode. It was the only way to keep them away from me. I scared them. It worked. 60 years later, they are still afraid of me. Perfect.

[@rickp.6251]

🤮🕳️🌋🕳️🤯🐛🐛🥶😔👾😶😐😑🤮🕳️🌋🕳️🤯

[@Jess-kn8vl]

I hear you. Ive often thought well if they think im crazy, why do they keep trying to contact me? Who is the crazy one in this situation?! 😉

[@carriekeith2266]

HA! LEGENDARY LEVEL REACHED. 😎💯👍

[@denisegreenhoe1758]

Stay scary. They will never make progress within themselves because you are the problem and will be the family scapegoat forever.

[@Ominous89]

I almost shed a tear reading your comment. I had to explode too. Many times. Up to the point that it was wiser to daily smoke marijuana to cope with the sharpest edges of my anger. I needed to decide that at an age of 16. Years before that I already learned to walk away for days to avoid any escalation from my side. Sometimes it took me days to calm down. A lot of times it was even better to sleep outside than going back home to get once again triggered by my narcissistic witch mother, gaslighting me as a pathological liar. Over and over and over again. So the older I got, the more I resisted amd rebelled against her bullshit. I knew from an early age that she was deliberately trying to drive me insane. She absolutely hated my guts for being so stubborn and sophisticated, to not give into her insanity and proving her wrong wherever I could. Despite me making dumb mistakes. She wanted me to hit her, so she could put me away in prison and get rid of me. But instead, I never made that mistake. Ultimately, she fled the country to another continent without telling me a word. Forever afraid of the monster that she created: my rage!

[@sylvieracine]

Addiction to cortisol… this is a revelation 😮!

[@michaelgarrow3239]

What! I thought cortisol was bad?

[@annetallegrand5656]

I’m aggressive with my anger, never passive. I have outbursts and speak my mind. I was never taught to keep my emotions hidden. My anger was validated.

[@Diana-jx1ju]

Feeling violated is basic (betrayed intertwined) to my anger. My writing helps release the confusion of the process of becoming aware of what it is. But, the visceral embedding of this anger needs me to move about and exercise. Stretching is a very helpful beginning and so is massage. But now, I'm even becoming eager to get outside and walk like I used to before I became so very isolated. I promise myself to do this today.

[@politereminder6284]

Thank you. For a long time I'd suppress my anger, and then I'd get overwhelmed and cry. Now that I'm healing. I have a better grasp onnhealthy anger and I now have emotional equilibrium.

[@leahflower9924]

Sometimes we are grieving and we don't realize it because we don't know what we're grieving but we're grieving who we could've been

[@noahbeaty6600]

I have done same your lose control...cry then i isolate and sleep

[@johnharrison2511]

My Anger is substantially present in my life. I confess to it. Every point made in this talk is highly relevant. Luckily i have always vented all of my emotions. I avoid any type of counselling after being betrayed by a counsellor at a young age. A female. So these talks i find very helpful. Free Health Care. I am a very good person but the Anger is there, often on full display. It reminds me of why i have anger. All so well listed in this talk. My childhood was traumatic on so many levels. Still i am very grateful for having a childhood. I do not blame or carry grudges. I just live with the side effects. Violence is a constant threat. I don't think any good person has anything to worry about if i am angry. Bad ones not so sure. Anyway, Thank You.

[@dr_bullseye]

This is my childhood. Angry at injustice and the authority figues continued the evil so I hardened my heart and died (soul murder).

[@emiliorodriquez5677]

Thank you so much for being such a light in my life. You are helping me save myself and my marriage. I am so grateful for the material that you put on here. I love Jesus too!!!

[@karenlynch8348]

You ARE a wonderful teaching / therapist ❤ I’m thankful for you

[@tezza2294]

Excellent lecture. Thank you very very much. You get it.

[@ehabrostom9570]

when i was 14 years old and my hight 140cm i was the smallest kid in the class physically. i got angry 3 times after every fight my friends said we couldn't stop you it felt like only death can stop you the random Students came to me to just say wow we didn't expect that much of power and anger from you little boy they respected me i really felt safe after that . But infact was that anger at my life and my family turned on those boys i fought and i was completely blind and that was scary for me , and now after 10 years i have x10 of that anger and i know I can't let it go its just growing more and more .

[@MoonPhaze5]

😩🙈

[@haraldthi]

Something I learned in youth that may be of value: I need to react and resolve the issue, harshly if needed, before I get so far that anger takes over. The trick here is to sense that you're about to get angry, and that if you don't do something here and now it's not going to get any better. This lets you do what you need to do in order to resolve the issue while you still have your head mounted to your shoulders, and that can be of tremendous value as you're able to think.

[@lilythecat3687]

i dont control i just get it back to the giver...thank you wrap up!

[@uk7769]

Well Jeez. Thank you for validating my experiences and healing process.

[@denisegreenhoe1758]

He was absolutely beautiful with the kindest heart ❤️

[@THERTOGAL]

This is where I find myself. The trauma I try to hide from my family members to try keeping peace but I find myself angry I have what I thought was my ALL trying to raise 6 sons & daughters, working my business literally in middle of the night so I wouldn’t miss any activity in their lives and be present every homemade meal each evening, bath, songs, storybook time, loving them to sleep. They’re so very busy running around with all their activities they put their children in, they are exhausted parents who are doing exactly the wonderful job I feel I have to them. They don’t have too much extra time to spend with their very extremely ill mom, BUT THEY ARE DOING EXACTLY WHAT I WOULD WANT FOR EACH OF THEM! My anger is at my lack of ability to heal an incurable disease. But I’m so happy they are loving their family members with all their heart and soul! I’m so blessed yet I can feel angry and still very grateful for my life and family.

[@lindaschendt9319]

I just isolate as I am trying to repair. I can’t listen to preachers because I think they are telling me I am not truly saved cause I am not telling people about Jesus. No matter how many times I walk an aisle or talk in prayer it’s like I never can be saved. I have been two decades not married. I am disabled sometimes I have real peace watching birds or listening to music. I let things pile up in my house and it is a mess.

[@mclark197]

Hi Linda! Churchy types love to imply that they are ‘better than you’ and saved, sometimes showing a micro-smug of pleasure their face! Don’t buy into the Holier than Tho, Christians. Seriously, who are they to tell you what you need to do to be saved? Consider yourself SAVED! You sound like a pretty kind woman to me:) Do the things that bring you peace- watching birds and listening to music.🎶 Try adding another peaceful ritual to your day and little by little, add even more- gradually, you will feel peace and happiness more & more- you’ll be too busy enjoying the things you that bring you peaceful zen. Baby steps- I promise you will get there! Wishing you love, abundant peace and heartfelt happiness! 🌹🦜🎶

[@Here_Today_]

God’s voice is in the birds’ songs. Those birds don’t walk down an aisle yet they are taken care of. Keep on walking in nature. ❤

[@marthacarlson6106]

I have learned more from this teaching in this time frame than most books and other teachings! Brilliant! Enlightened , I am! Thank you! ❤

[@lmg4293]

Anger is necessary when people won’t listen. You try to be nice, but it doesn’t work.

[@izabella8547]

You are saving my life. May God bless you ❤

[@SopaDeLengua]

Have family that grew up not allowed to express anger. Counter to my childhood. It’s so hard to express how important it is to deal with anger, and that anger isn’t hate or evil. We can express anger to each other, but still love each other.

[@lawrenceleclerc6664]

I dont believe its always someone else fault, but i am angry for legitimate reasons. If someone does something to me i dont like. its not always my fault either, and its not always others fault. Also others judgement of me is not always true, especially if there taking my inventory.

[@jeninaverse]

I wrote a poetry play called All in my Mind. I personified all my feelings and put them on a stage to debate through my Narrators 'Understanding' and 'Ignorance'. My 'Anger' from Ego Town debated with my 'Compassion' from Soul Field. They came together through 'Understanding' and returned to my mind as 'Love' .

[@jeanallen4906]

This has explained my family dynamics perfectly thank you so much I will be sharing this with many people❤

[@lynnfarley7859]

My anger is legitimate- my response is consequencial.

[@FranciscoPerez-li8zp]

I am giving my deeply thanks to you. I am now understanding what’s going on with me.

[@houmanrm]

In my case, I was pushed to anger as a toddler, by my sister, 8 years older, so she would get a laugh out of it. Off course, my mom would not defend, just downplay, or be disparaging. This is when my anger was used as entertainment. To them I looked funny when my sister kept pushing my buttons. I know from having resolved other issues that understanding and forgiveness (explanation follows) are the only answers. But so hard when those people still deny they did anything wrong and put it back on you. One key is in seeing oneself being wicked too in life, and to see that at that time, one was feeling good about it. Easier to understand a wrongdoer when one has been one too. Another key is to realize that we are sometimes played by wicked spirits that will come in us when we're feeble morally (in sin) and feed thru abusing other people these spirits are real, and can coordinate with one another to trap us in very bad loops till they're fed (hence the allegory of vampires) etc. etc. I will say that we need to have more precision around the vocabulary to describe the emotions. For ex. rage or fury, or contempt can be consequences of anger. One can surrender to these spirits loosing one's discernement or even consciousness for a while. A bad use of anger is a temptation to destroy ( objects, bodies ie. inflicting physical damage, reputation, self respect and dignity, tear down relations etc ). A good use of anger is to spend time to reflect and to build better, stronger love.

[@christinesmith1499]

Whoa, classic case, here, I miss the Christian Teachings, Tim blended the emotional and spiritual aspects of our being beautifully. Especially for my intense fear of abandonment, I keep quoting "do not fear, for I am with you"

[@kimmie_jo]

Yes I wish the Bible was included, I think it would provide a deeper understanding

[@mdlind7478]

Psalm 37 8Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret--it leads only to evil.9For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.

[@rainaqai68]

I grew up with a narcissistic father who only always thought and talked about himself and how great he was. The others could not voice their opinions different from his, and if we ever did he would explode, lash out, and ridicule like crazy. It was excruciating being around him and he would often make us cry or feel bad about ourselves. I would sometimes complain about him to my mother but she always took his side. One time I asked my dad if he would like to know what’s going on with me. He sneered and said why would I? And asked jokingly so how are YOU? I couldn’t answer because I knew that he didn’t really want to know. He just never cared about anyone besides himself.

[@Ikr2025]

Sorry to hear that. Narcissists are only interested in themselves. My father was highly narcissistic and so is my older brother. I find it very unpleasant to be around him as he only ever talks about himself.

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

These videos are phenomenal! Thank you sooo much.

[@weaviejeebies]

Part of why I dislike, stuff down, criticize, and reject my feelings of externalized anger is that I know what it looks like from the outside. It's so ugly. The word that pops into mind is "filthy". The angry so-called parent's rage displays weren't just scary, they were disgusting, twisted, repugnant. I'd do just about anything not to be that person, not to have others see me look and act like that. However, it's pretty compulsive to turn the full fire of that nastiness on myself many times a day. I've also had to re-teach myself that there are _degrees_ of anger. Mild, medium, intense, a whole spectrum. That was not my childhood reality. Back then, someone being pushy, someone being late or forgetting something important, someone cutting you off in traffic, and serious attacks on self or property were all the exact same flavor of murderous rage. That's all I saw, and I began to believe that anger was essentially evil. Not being able to rid myself of it meant I was evil, and I felt hatred for myself without realizing that I wasn't black and white like my father was. I actually did have the complete range of emotions appropriate to different situations. It took me until literally this year, age 49, to understand that I didn't have to distrust or reject my emotions and that I didn't look monstrous to people like he did. It's all so damned confusing and circular, though. I feel like I need to go live as a hermit while this new understanding sinks in.

[@sarahalderman3126]

Honestly so much of how you've described your own feeling's regarding anger and your perception of how others view it, your father, and yourself describes my own inner reality. The only piece missing for me would be the intense and overwhelming shame, embarrassment, or humiliation I feel at even having the feeling of anger, but even more so the emotions underneath that anger. If it makes sense I am embarrassed that I am embarrassed. Feel humiliated for feeling embarrassed, shy, excited, sad, happy, joyful, or any other emotion, in that moment. Embarrassed for being me.

[@lorladupree4352]

I have scared myself twice by being out-of-control with anger, and those events were years apart. Until listening to Dr. Fletcher, I thought that I didn’t have anger. Lol I beat myself up emotionally… lots of negative self-talk and self-shaming. I don’t know how to stop

[@TinaDougherty]

Awareness is the first step. Examining every thought (thoughts are only mine if I claim them) and seeking the origins of every emotional trigger (and oh boy are there a sh*t ton of them!) has been a long, slow process, but after nearly a year and a half I can finally see progress. It's mostly been 2 steps forward then 20 steps back for me, but I'm moving forward all the same. It's a process, but we're worth it. Tim's "re-parenting" playlist was very helpful. Much Love 🙏🏻💕

[@t.tenney3470]

Yes, and awareness of where that negative self-talk comes from. Was that self-talk said TO you by parents, siblings, wider culture?

[@loricoe4566]

This is me. I feel terrible but this is my life.

[@robertsouth6971]

Anger is the neurological response to a hormone. Fear is the other neurological response to another hormone that cancels it. Or the other way around. If you're scared, getting angry makes it go away. If you're angry, getting scared makes it go away. Sometimes people get programmed to where they are in a cycle of escalating them both. There are many ways to de-escalate or maintain low levels of them that have no real reason to exist. Love is one of them.

[@Jackmonkey66666hghinnv]

Hmm sounds obvious seeing it worded like this but I never realised this till now. Thanks for commenting that, in my adolescence all throughout teens and early 20s I was never scared. I have done boxing most my life and was always angry/confident in every conflict, sometime in the past 2 or 3 years though my anger/fight response I suppose, became a freeze response in almost any confrontation and it happens so fast that I don’t even notice it until afterwards. I have been getting so angry at myself because I feel like such a pusc now because of the split second freeze and initial panic and uncertainty it was never a problem before didn’t even cross my mind.

[@TheEpicLegend]

I grew up neglected and bullied. Left school with rage. Made me sick left school got in loads of trouble in and out of jail and still struggle with anger issues. Some flashbacks make me lose control

[@PassionateFlower]

Suck up to people with more resources than you, lie, pretend to be happy and people are more likely to take pity on you and help you get where you want to go. It's despicable to have to resort to such levels but so are the people who abused you to the point you became so angry it ruined your life and left you with little credibility and resources left. Acquire resources and social capital and fake it till you make it then when you are in a good spot in life with criminal history behibd you hire the best trauma informed therapist you can buy and process your angry there in a safe space and fire any therapist who makes you feel shame for valid feelings and needs that must be processed. You can't express anger in most parts of society or in most social situations without facing consequences. It's insanely unfair because you end up suffering the karma meant for your abusers. Stick to the script, play happy, be helpful to others, take other people's sh*t, act like you are calm and emotionally regulated around other people. Journal your truth but hide your crazy from your abusers and the world. Join a support group and therapy and get to a point where you can stay regulated at work and in the public sphere it's your only chance at redemption. F*ck being honest it will only get you in trouble with abusers and the enablers, most people lie their way into civilized society. It's the unfortunate truth. When people say to love yourself and be true to your authentic self they really mean be fake be helpful and fake happy and financially stable and don't make waves don't be a burden to society don't be lazy don't be disagreeable don't get angry work hard appear intelligent and capable carry your own weight only be sad if someone else wants you feel pity for THEM or to appear normal such as grieving the loss of a pet or loved one. Play PRETEND it's what we all have to do to SURVIVE.

[@mhenowahmeyhar4308]

Thank u for your most in-depth knowledge & understanding. Your one of the best I have witnessed in years, like since one of our great forefathers John Bradshaw

[@DanielleMM-ct8ip]

My anger has turned into SI. If I express it to my mother- she will claim I’m giving her medical issues and tell me it’s easier to support people other than me bc they aren’t angry. I have many outlets but lifting has kept me afloat for many years

[@wallace8910]

So many layers. So sad it perpetuates itself, generation after generation.

[@lauracapaldo1831]

My CPTSD stays active. I am afraid of letting it out or I just don't know how to let it out in a healthy way. I have made stuffing it an art form. Someone asked me how long have you felt sad, and angry. It was the first time I realized my unresolved trauma has been making me sick since the age of 3. Now 63 and trying to get help.

[@rudolphsimmonds1382]

Thanks for the in depth explanation of the impact of unresolved anger. please continue your work! Thanks

[@marysmail8994]

This series describes my life exactly. Thank you

[@LR-yu3mx]

me too

[@nishanacht]

Beautiful and well said. Ty ❤️🙏🏾✨

[@amyjomoore9390]

Thank you for enlightening us❤

[@meb3153]

Thank you!

[@natgreen5903]

Thank you , it is amazing

[@MrFireman164]

This is soooo spot on !

[@kathycater1976]

Thank you for sharing. I almost destroyed my whole life because of finger I am 61 years five years ago for the first time I’ve been learning how to stay in my consciousness I just wanna say I am so grateful I love myself❤

[@beyondcompute]

Thanks!

[@deedavis1950]

Thank you.

[@Trialbyfire9]

I thought beating addiction was impossible or at least was the treasure at the end of the rainbow, but really it’s just the first step towards working on myself ):

[@emusic96785]

FYI: underground "lava" is called magma. It's not lava until the magma reaches the surface. Also, not all lava is explosive. Some lava flows crawl very, very slow. 🐌

[@davidcrawford9026]

NERD! /jk

[@leahflower9924]

Haha

[@emusic96785]

​@davidcrawford9026 😅 if you check out the zip code in my name, you'll see that I live with a Volcano 🌋 😮

[@lauriaktahi]

Isolating is so much better than staying within a bullshit relation and environment. We dont have to put up with the abuse. Other people are the problem, and leaving Them behind is the answer.

[@sarahalderman3126]

So how exactly do we develop, enforce, and maintain a sustainable boundary between spouse who has betrayed you in a way that triggers the childhood sexual trauma due to the similarities of the betrayal? Without either shutting him out or exploding, how exactly do I teach myself to set boundaries between us to protect myself while still working to achieve at least a decent cooperative relationship? Where there is a will there is a way... but it sure doesn't feel that way when I am triggered, and I feel triggered constantly due to the fact that the red flags I l've always had are plastered everywhere all the time currently.

[@aurelienyonrac]

Amazing

[@petervisen]

This man just changed my f-ing life for with his lectures.....bullseye...!

[@sarahb.6475]

At the moment I have a new team member who is supposed to be helping me but she is only triggering me: telling me what I am supposed to think, she makes stuff up out of the thin air (which confuses my other team members), she does the " ignoring you" thing (she doesnt read or answer texts) and a few other things. The safe no confronting way I had found to tell someone I am angry at them she said I am not allowed to do with her (which was to text a specific picture - which was a harmless picture as its just a map image of an actual volcano) . so I feel myself trying to rebel against these new rules and it leads to anger but it goes nowhere. Its like a person who is supposed to be helping me is harming me again. And then I explode like the volcano as she is in charge and there are no bounderies. I had to wait for my mother to actually die to get bounderies as I wasnt allowed any. And now there is this new boss. 😐

[@Happyxcamper]

We do... Every thought you have in your mind, every spirit, rises from the heart to the mind, to be set free or condemned. When the spirit of anger arises, we will do one or the other. If it is released, it will go all over trying to find a place to rest. When finds none, it returns with more. If it us condemned, it is thrown down from the internal throne, to burn up & be consumed by the fire inside our hearts, for love's name sake. It will be physically felt, & spiritually felt. There's a reason the earth has a magma center. It is to relate to our heart, & His. The heavens are over the Earth, just as the mind is over the heart. The two work the same.

[@shawnie2027]

I had a red rage happen when I was attacked by three women when I was I’m younger and all I saw was a red tunnel straight to the biggest one that was sitting on top of my chest while the other two held down each of my arms…I saw red tunnel to her right eye! I got my right arm free and stuck my index finger into her eye and started pulling! I just remember it felt like spaghetti and she came forward so as to not have her eye pop out! I told her to get the F #%k off me or I was going to kill her! She rolled off me immediately and I still only saw red tunnel and then went to get on her but people pulled me off her. 😮 I talked to my Dad about it later on and he said “oh ya…it’s red rage syndrome…I had it in the army and was put into the infirmary for it.” I guess there was a lot of trauma in his childhood too so it was passed down to me. As well as addictive tendencies. Being Irish and Sicilian doesn’t help I’m sure. I know Jesus is still working on me. I’m actually grateful my Dad taught us as kids self defense tactics he learned in Vietnam…I felt like they helped me not get Beatin up.

[@simona_sigmund1001]

You were probably having a fight or flight reaction too because you were being attacked

[@maryleekomaniecki5799]

This is really interesting. Thank you for sharing. I have a terrible anger problem, due to child abuse, before I can remember. My mother actually twisted several of my bones---my left wrist and ankle, my left hip and several places on top of my head where she banged me with a hammer. This all happened before I was able to walk or talk, so the only way I found out was through two photographs I found when I was about 60, which showed me getting my wrist twisted when I was about 18 mos. old. I share this because you can imagine the rage this caused in me, and I was actually relieved to finally find out where it was coming from finally when I ran into these photos. But I never had a red rage,...,,I can't imagine what that would be like.

[@dianederita2758]

Love your work and talks Tim. Thank you!

[@LR-yu3mx]

I ha d to swallow my anger always, with a malignant narcissist mother. I believe it lef to major depression.

[@derekgusoff6768]

Great stuff here but please leave the slides up a bit longer. They're gone before I can even focus my eyes. Thanks!

[@mayamichelle6741]

Sometimes I take a screenshot, so I have more time.

[@proudtobeanamerican]

LOL spot on about anger...Anger that escalates to a black rage, may take on a life of its own and become a rampage with intervals that may last a very long time, months years. It can become a compulsion and a type of ritual in which people enjoy the chemicals the body produces during inflicting their wake of destruction. Eventually peoples behavior becomes repetitive and forms into habits, habits become their character. Then they get labels, bulldozer, bully, cruel, land shark, antisocial, narcissist, psychopath, reprobate mind, violent offended, war criminal etc.

[@catalystcomet]

I don't think it's correct to call it a misuse of anger. When it comes to wanting to control other people or intimidate them, it may come from having no control over what as children we may have deemed as life or death situations. We had the experience of our parents in a fight or flight situation, and naturally we associate that with danger. If our parents are feeling that way, that means it's dangerous for us. Life threatening. I wouldn't call it a misuse of anger because we are doing what we felt would have been helpful in situations like that in the past. Being able to control the situation or be strong enough to stop the situation would have meant safety. Biologically it makes sense that control, intimidation, manipulation, would be the way that children of chronic trauma learned to survive with that level of fear. I struggle with that myself, also the isolation. Feeling anger instead of sorrow or shame is also a survival for some of us. I wasn't allowed to be emotional even as a young girl. When my mom got overly emotional, that's when bad things would happen. When I use the word emotion in this situation I am specifically referring to sorrow, or other vulnerable expressions. Anger was a 'safe' feeling, an accepted one. So once again, I don't think this is a misuse of anger, this is adults using the survival techniques that we learned.

[@user-ek7yc9fh7y]

I was always mad as a kid at the adults in my life. They yelled all the time. Didn't talk to the kids other than....go play outside or...get in the car we're going shopping. My mom getting mad at me for holes in my pants for playing outside and telling me to get a job at age 7. Yelled I'm just a kid! I knew they should have been better. Why? Cause I saw normalish adults in school. I was embarrassed of them. Peace was not a thing.

[@ivanasimic2072]

I am afraid of myself...so much anger in me because I am not allowed to resolve problems and abuse in the "church" where I was 25 years ago. I still have a dreams about these "pastor" who imput anger in other people, he is unhealthy person who use passive agrresion and silent treatment punishment... 25 years I live in this hell and cant go out from that mental prison. He know excatly what he is doing, they are even sue me for "slander" and they lost the case after 5 years of torture in the court. What to do with that?? That devil is talking about me publicly call me crazy and liar, he turned people against me... how could not be angry about that?! Dont know what to do,I just wanna die, to sleep and never wake up

[@TimFletcher]

I'm so sorry to hear; unfortunately there's a lot of hurt and abuse that is done in the name of "good". I'm sorry you were hurt, you are not alone, and there is community who can (and would love to help). Please reach out to your local crisis hotline to connect with someone (so important!) or send an email to [e-mail]

[@ivanasimic2072]

​@@TimFletcherThanks a lot

[@maryleekomaniecki5799]

It sounds to me as if you need to never go back to such a "church." Do not let such a joke of a "man of God," someone so obviously the reverse of that, get you down, but stay in your light consciousness. Realize you are a child of God, read the Bible, especially such things as Psalm 25, and feel happy. loved and secure again. Praying for you, sister! There are plenty of Christian therapists out there who could help you feel better.

[@ivanasimic2072]

@@maryleekomaniecki5799 Thank you a lot, appreciate it! Here in Croatia there is no therapists who understand something like spiritual abuse... I was looking for someone for years, but didnt find anyone who understand the issue. They give you different diagnoses which have nothing with the root of the problem, very discouragening , but I need to lean on God only. Thanks again, greets from Croatia

[@Visioneering1]

I constantly have to check myself and refuse to give into my generational lineage of adult temper tantrums. I watched my grandfather almost punch a woman in the face and then my dad’s anger was an homage to grandpa while he beat us and kicked his dogs. I refuse to lay a finger on my child and have to lock myself in my room while my explosive anger boils over. I pray to heal this anger so I don’t pass it on.

[@krustysurfer]

Vengeance is mine says the Lord! Thy will be done and not mine own.

[@michaelbarclay4803]

Anger ,rage keep me alive so it can be useful just learn to spot the triggers further up the road then take a different path

[@kalosevillinas]

All the advise on how to control anger like grounding and de escalating will make U sick. How about feeling the anger in your body. All emotions are felt preceptions that should be felt to heal.

[@FlorenceLunsford-sk2nj]

I smoother alot

[@Maddie-5]

I used to say " i cant let my anger go. Because it IS my very backbone" if i let it go, I will crumble. I know now that not to be true

[@peggybrown8923]

Well,... PAIN and mostly I could emphasize with them

[@AndyJarman]

I was 21 the last time I punched my older brother in the mouth. As he was the family 'jester' I didn't get much out of it. The frustration of living with a less deserving sibling when you are obviously the 'hero'. As an old man I experience embarassing expressions of admiration from my sibling's spouses. All our relationships are seriously out if kilter!

[@annawhitakr6401]

i have a question that probably will not get an answer. I am what you have described a very angry person. my spouse gets verbally assaulted constantly. I feel like he deserves it, because he's not a good person. I feel like what you are saying is that the anger expression needs to stop. But My anger is exasperation. I don't know what to do to stop the bad behavior. in other words, if I made a choice to set those boundaries for myself to never go ballistic and verbally assault and speak to him respectfully, His behavior never changes. I suppose regardless of whether I lose my cool and go verbally assaulting, or not his behavior will always be the same. I don't like the person I am when I speak ugly. But how on earth does one deal with a very badly behaved person when they are the ones that are triggering anger.

[@noturbo]

ok cryin again

[@sandraumney5516]

19:13 ouch

[@velando75]

We are born angry 😊

[@AndyJarman]

Solent treatment arises where the individual has no ability to defend themselves.

[@shadysunshine9293]

My Mother was angry the second her feet hit the floor.

[@tmking7483]

The Italian Groups CMT Model is the BITE Model _ how's that funny 'part' ?

[@KoolT]

Fear you why angry

[@simplypositiveme]

I have terrible anger issues

[@etcwhatever]

Mine builds up over a long time and then it blows up big time. I dont keep myself around people that trigger me this way.

[@TheBillaro]

'you can't do anything right' isn't sarcasm, it's a direct statement. 'oh aren't you great at_____' meaning that they are terrible, is sarcasm. It says 'aren't you great' but it means 'you are crap' and is meant to hurt but keep the speaker safe from responsibitily'oh i was joking'.

[@dorisr.2649]

How many watch that because they are affected by the toxic anger of a loved one with the motivation to help themselves and the other?

[@noturbo]

not met anyone worth working that hard to be around its like i do all the work they remain assholes lol

[@VeraCatlett]

Is any difference between anger and malice?

[@haraldthi]

Can absolutely be. Anger can be a need to solve a problem, something that doesn't work for you. And as such it's righteous, you just don't know any better way to solve the problem. It can be malice too of course, but there's no reason to just assume that it is.

[@mayamichelle6741]

Without doubt for me there is. Healthy anger is a very important, pure emotion. It keeps me safe. It’s part of my immune system. It’s the part of me that says BACK OFF! That’s my boundary! Unhealthy anger can be expressed with malice. For me the unhealthy anger has been suppressed and unprocessed, then it explodes out of me and it can be hurtful. It’s not deliberately malicious but it’s damaging and hurtful. I guess when anger is malicious, it is premeditated. As a kid I was taught my anger was bad. I wasn’t allowed to be angry (or sad). It was disempowering and disconnected me from myself.