How to write descriptively - Nalo Hopkinson

[@rudraghatge7508]

"And tomorrow i will start writing" me every single day

[@nikar999]

ikr

[@lxllywxrldss641]

Same😔

[@wonkusbonkus8528]

Are.. are you my alt account?

[@blue.sargent]

I feel u

[@muhsinashardow998]

why don't instead of saying 'tomorrow' say "Today, I will start writing."

[@yogawarriorgirl]

The level of detail in this animation was astounding...

[@leavinmymark]

Righttt! I always give props to the animators that help create these

[@AnkitRaj-ib6kd]

Excatly. How do I make this though???

[@Greggers1516]

I wouldn’t say astounding

[@MompreneurDiary]

Riiight! And very understandable the way I desire to write 100 percent

[@archanasingh2042]

It's amazing🤩

[@ileiad]

"Billy has five fingers for each hand, making them a total of ten fingers." This is the peak of writing.

[@zoe6174]

Not only that, but fingers with long nails, painted in a red color that looks like blood. Her pale fingers stand against the wall, struggling to keep her standing propertly. Idk

[@snsnni]

her longest finger candle-like thin stood the highest as the other fingers bowed to her thundering growling anger bursting out, "F*CK YOU!" full of hatred, as bloodthirsty as her red nail polish.

[@addsomespiceshit754]

And then those finggers disappeared billy became nausea as it doesn't know whats real whats fake then a handsome alien name Rob on it's tag on the forhead scribbled before it could approach him before it could come any closer to bill.Bill suddenly collapsed on the stone cold floor nothing around him but the stone cold floor a poster of an alien bands called alien then suddenly it felts Robs arms carrying bill to the bed of it's own very room he growled as Rob tossed him to the bed bill suddenly got up as they both heard a knock on the door making them both froze and look at each other

[@dwlonewolf2273]

Billy had five crooked fingers on each hand.

[@itsabsek]

😂😂😂

[@ericm1839]

the important thing is letting your readers reach the conclusions. subtlety is key. when a reader comes to their own interpretations, they make more neural connections and have a better time.

[@starklingspars8956]

+Eric Miesbauer Yeah, use clear simple, but fresh and vivid descriptions but use a light paintbrush I think some people here are thinking about overly descriptive books that were boring ( and they do exist ) but I don't think this video is suggesting overloading your writing with the senses just adding dimension with the skill, but like you said it's all about context.

[@ericm1839]

Starkling Spars exactly. and how do you show context in a video when you only have so much time? how do you show the buildup and falling action of this scene? like, i get it, some books use overly artsy descriptions to make up for a lack in substance, but i dont think that was the case here.

[@starklingspars8956]

+Eric Miesbauer Yes. It's imossible to care about the example characters in the video, because they are just examples, with no story. It's easy to criticize the creator of the video for not making loveable characters but, this is not a book, this is a demonstrative video about writing, and no bond exists between the viewer and the characters, because there is no story. Obvious to me, as it is to you. I wonder if the resentment from veiwers who do feel critical of the video is due to not understanding that this video is not designed to inspire you by showing you characters described well, but to teach you how to do it yourself! To me that is a most helpful reminder

[@ericm1839]

Starkling Spars exactly. it's a lesson and example, not a model

[@dejureclaims8214]

+Eric Miesbauer I recently played a popular JRPG (not that they're known for their sparkling writing) called 'Persona 4.' The concept is painfully simple, but the characters exposit the same concepts multiple times. I assume this was done to ensure no players were confused by the game's events, or to pad out its length. It was so condescending and dull I switched it off and never returned. A lightness of touch is essential when it comes to exposition, so as engage and not to bore.

[@mintyglitches]

i feel that the only time such extreme detail is needed is when the character themselves are actually taking in the details themselves. if things are happening quickly, like someone running from a creature, it shouldnt be too detailed and should instead match the speed that theyre running. but if a character is suddenly realising that theyre in love with their best friend and cant help but admire how their hair flows in the wind and the slight sparkle in their eye that only comes out when the weathers nice, then a long detailed moment makes sense because the character is noticing all these things themselves and has the time to linger mentally on those details

[@sidrockx6399]

Agreed but sometimes speed slowing down for us when it's moving too fast for them can also be interesting That's why slow motion is used in action scenes

[@freyapatty]

Agreed!

[@ishkool8664]

it all falls down to what effect you are trying to achieve some writers prefer to the point details in an action sequence making it feel crisp and tactile others will make you absorb the very nuanced details that the common eye would miss but will help you paint a very vivid and flowing picture.

[@Sonicfalcon16]

If its that important write for a graphic bovel or manga where the art CAN show that which youre describing

[@little_lord_tam]

Pacing is the (slow motion/quick cuts) of writing

[@miracleboi7336]

me: binge watching reading writing tips than actually writing

[@liagonzalez1970]

im only watching this for school

[@JebWhiskers]

Me!

[@duck_iey]

same XD

[@leotiritilli9698]

Why do I feel called out by this comment

[@azlanamckechnie]

@@liagonzalez1970 I will always have a great time in London for you guys are the

[@jamssy3409]

Remember, amazing writers! Don't be too descriptive as the readers might get distracted from the plot/story and some might have to reread the paragraph over and over again because the words are too deep/hard to understand. It is important to first determine the themw of what you're writing. Is the story light? Choose words that feel free and light. Example: A light story The breeze meandered against her porcelein skin, sending cold yet sweet chills down to her spine. Her golden hair danced gracefully as she yelled, "I'm the king of the world!" with her arms up high and her ocean eyes gleaming. Even if words are well, just words, they still have the power to activate the reader's five senses; smell, touch, sight, hearing, taste.

[@alika4607]

Yeah, I find myself commonly in this situation.

[@jamssy3409]

@@dreamymarshmallow9190 that was amazing!! Your grammar and smooth writing style made it enjoyable to read. I recommend breaking down some parts into paragraph, but overall it was great^^

[@dreamymarshmallow9190]

Thanks. I will definitely take your advice and improve.

[@xabbiverse334]

Thank you for your advice!

[@lizzyrilo3033]

Thank you!

[@abdul6teen]

billie's palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy...

[@youisstupid2586]

billie doesn’t feel like billie she feels like marshal.

[@aurematic]

clichés all of them

[@vinitgaikwad8127]

There's vomit on her sweater already, her legs spaghetti!

[@blueflamingo4526]

Mom's spaghetti 👀

[@youshallnotpass6991]

Shes nervous but on the surface she looks calm and ready

[@decimojj]

This is why i love being a writer and why i love to write stories, while writing a story, creating a fictional world, you yourseld dive into that world, and you feel that you have to make the audience experience the wonderful world you have created, atleast that's what i feel.

[@Nishamehta158]

Exactly. Happy to know others feel the same

[@rekitoaimi9445]

I want to write but then I suddenly become dyslexic

[@zest1160]

@@rekitoaimi9445 sorry you have to deal with it, believe in yourself!

[@thesnedit5406]

@@rekitoaimi9445 try exploring vivid genres of books. It certainly helps widening our perspectives.

[@theengineer_0]

Same here.

[@urorazbojnik5678]

"suddenly they're on a beach about to fall in love" umm no, they're on google trying to figure out what color is stewed-cherry lmao

[@paradisesomeday6630]

I searched it up and honestly, it should’ve been just cherry dress instead of stewed. Who wears a stewed-cherry pattern on their dress? Oh well, it’s not that bad compared to some others I’ve seen.

[@lalai91]

Hahaha!

[@Kyss111]

@@paradisesomeday6630 it's not the patterns, it is the color of the stewed cherry

[@paradisesomeday6630]

MooMoo Meadows ohhhh 👁👄👁 then I have a stewed cherry dress too :D but I think of wine more tho

[@letthetrumpetsound7893]

Your reader likely has ADD and probably wouldn't finish the book anyway. 😂

[@Zosalot]

Billie needs to take an anti-acid pill. She was sick this whole video. :(

[@whiskeyblack806]

Or the writer needs to stop droppin' so much acid. Out of context I had no f-ing clue wth was going on.

[@Zosalot]

Out of context, but wth your avatar is a sign. You have no idea how surreal this is. It's a long story. Thank you.

[@zara3837]

Zosalot 😂

[@skythetic0985]

lmfao 😂

[@Azori10]

It's called imaginative process not acid sickness you postmodern chunk

[@trevorfielding8576]

The more I learn about writing and storytelling, the more I realize that storytelling is not actually telling a story, but creating a half-finished mural and giving the reader the paint they need to finish it themselves. With just enough direction that the reader doesn't get lost. Didn't realize this applied to descriptions as well, that's awesome. "Meeting the writer halfway" Summary: Strong descriptors of all the senses + movement, then use strange connotations to carry them to the reader.

[@UniqueDestinyCA]

Oo, meet them half way, that’s a great thought.

[@dark_nightwing_xl2797]

Exactly

[@adventureawaits3860]

Writers don't write to impress, They try to express.

[@Pharaoh_Tutankhamen]

wa?

[@charchar4276]

@@Pharaoh_Tutankhamen They write to express their story, not for the approval of others

[@ruskinelliot3713]

Yes

[@angeldogluver5961]

I'm trying to learn how to express my writing is bland and dry

[@Nazareadain]

Her legs were noodles. She began to question her half culinary existence when she realized her hair was poison needles. Her focus quickly turned to figuring out how to best avoid death by her body's own terrible design. "I look like an 5 year old's interpretation of Medusa." the words brushed across her bristle-sponge tongue. _I'd cry if my eyes weren't bags of bleach_ her existential crisis seeming equally comical and tragic in its absurdity. P.S. Funny coming back here years later because youtube recommendation's still being worried about my ability to write, only to find people taking my joke seriously. I think they've confused me with someone who wants their opinion - or maybe it was meant for you; enjoy being showered with wisdom, and remember that millions of years of evolution lead up to this point.

[@faktumstream1beatz335]

First prize.

[@gcyeow1963]

Nazareadain Soon, Billy was slumped against the wall, staring at her now useless spaghetti legs. "Was I worth living...as a wheat consumption?" She asked, her senses fading. Was she noodle? was she pasta? She forever questions her existence, as she does not know.

[@jayfawn8478]

Nazareadain you only make your reader lazy.

[@Nazareadain]

jay fawn Go on.

[@hanaomer1828]

Nazareadain Haha I actually really like this 😋

[@Themoment888]

The thing about this is you have to have a mix of loads of description and simple language. Sometimes, just being straight forward is better than being too flowery. If you really want to develop your writing, read good literature. I was trapped in a wattpad reading spree and realized my writing wasn't improving then I realized yeah cause I'm reading bad writing. Then, I got back to reading series and novels and took note of how they wrote. Plus, have friends read your work for feedback too. If you can join writing groups, do it.

[@thesnedit5406]

I can relate with this

[@puthypicasso640]

ok but what about reddit? I'm addicted to nosleep lol,

[@yolanda6283]

Thanks

[@flourette731]

would you have any series/novel reccomendations?

[@bushidoh8316]

Any novels you could recommend? There's so many novels with bad writing that I fear I could be wasting my time reading them. Are older writers fine like Jane Austen, DH Lawrence, Woolf, Dickens and many others or would you think their styles are outdated

[@jimmycharles7475]

Wrong! You need a Pegasus feather quill pen, dipped in the blood of fairies and you must write upon the robes of the gods themselves.

[@JohnNasaye]

Jimmy Charles 😂😂😂😂 Exactly!!

[@darelljackson4132]

Jimmy Charles nice!

[@meghnaandrews3865]

Jimmy Charles Good one! 😂

[@chefkawrg]

Jimmy Charles I’ll try that one

[@kianadresse3554]

Finally an intellectual such as I

[@_pg_18]

The noodle description of billie was too complicated. That was no way supposed to mean that she was nauseous. Being descriptive doesn't mean being complicated. Writers , please remember to be lucid as well.

[@ataleoftwomeows8086]

Yh sometimes less is more and it leaves room for the reader to try and figure things out and feel the actual feelings without them being said.

[@mayleespann4552]

Yeah, I kinda thought so too. This is how I’d prefer to write it: “The hall floor reels and Billie’s eyes burn. Her tongue sticks to her palate as she lurches toward the bathroom, vomit climbing her throat.” Personally, I think focusing more on solid action verbs makes it much more vivid without resorting to boring adjectives like “queasy” or “weak,” or to indecipherable metaphors like “the ends of her hair are poison needles.” Metaphors are useful when describing things we’ve probably not experienced, e.g. a sci-fi technology or fantasy landscape. However, they can distance you from the character when describing visceral sensations (like nausea) that we’re all familiar with. In most cases, you want good nouns and verbs, and only a few careful metaphors.

[@AdityaYadav-zk5ry]

Yeah at first glimpse someone will think that she is a monster

[@fragwagon]

It wasn't a great bit of writing, but it got the point across for the video. I'm not interested in Billy the Ted Ed writing sample, that wasn't the intention.

[@mayleespann4552]

@@fragwagon of course. However, it is helpful to discuss what good writing actually is and how to write well. I have seen many inexperienced writers make the same mistakes as the video because they received unhelpful advice.

[@MellowJelly]

I had no idea what they were trying to say about Billie because they were using absolutely random language. There's no way to know that was supposed to mean she felt nauseous lol

[@akattakthewanderer]

“Poison needles” what is that supposed to mean...? Her hair is sharp or her hair is a deadly weapon?!

[@sayven]

@Gautam Rajesh But since she is supposed to be the point of view character it implies primarily that she feels that way about her hair, not the others.

[@craze-x]

That’s why I’d add both those sentences. “Billie feels nauseated, her legs are noodles...”

[@sayven]

@@craze-x It's a solution but a fairly sloppy one. "Tell then show" is essentially just "show" with extra words, which you want to avoid. A better way of solving this problem would be to still try and "show" her nausea but in a different manner, be it through sympathetic sensory details or a more fitting metaphor or simile.

[@akrutipachpinde5766]

Maybe reading the context of the past events will make it easier to understand, and we won't be as confused while reading just the excerpt

[@TY-df7fg]

I felt like the sentence that said Billie felt nauseated and weak could be a lead in to the first example.

[@lampshade1304]

yeah, the first bit didn't make sense

[@thendralprabu2172]

I think, sometimes in the story, you don't need more than 'Billie was nauseated.' It's just knowing where you need that level of description and where you don't that makes a more effective writer.

[@rohandybala2152]

@@lampshade1304 how about this ? - Billie rubbed her shins with her palm while pacing towards the dormitory. Before she could make another move, she groped her calf in agony and supported herself on the side wall. She ran her hands down the pocket, but did not find the pills. She sighed deeply;and rested untill the moment when she felt a strange tickling sensation in her nose. This is the best I could do, I tried to keep it simple with vocabulary usage. Feel free to criticize, as any kind of criticisms are welcomed. Both constructive and destructive.

[@ShawnRavenfire]

I avoid clichés like the plague.

[@Nootathotep]

was that irony? it could be either way...

[@ericm1839]

+Ironed Sandwich no shit

[@LazyOtaku]

+Toughen Up, Fluffy Because it's full of someone's trashy ideas. :p

[@Nootathotep]

Eric Miesbauer have you heard of something called a genuine question?

[@ericm1839]

Ironed Sandwich have you heard of something called obvious irony?

[@timmeyer9191]

Honestly, I started to roll my eyes at poisoned tip hair and bags of bleach. You can go a bit over the top with description and metaphors.

[@sandrat9309]

I actually prefer the "Billie felt sick" over the "she feels like noodles and poison needles". I dunno it just feels extremely forced and unimaginative.

[@abdulkareemmusa4304]

Sand Rat you must be a kid

[@sandrat9309]

No, I just think that the example was very juvenile and ineffective

[@harrysecombegroupie]

I agree. A short, direct sentence is more powerful than several lines of forced metaphors and similes. As George Orwell said, if you can cut a word out, cut it out.

[@vicky6184]

I agree. For me the original sentence felt weird. Besides, one also needs to consider the kind of story you're writing and the public you want to attract. If you're writing a historic novel, you'll have to be more "flowery" with the dialogue. But that's just my opinion.

[@curry5136]

I think the sentence seems so weird because it's over-loaded with flowery terms. If you just say "The moment her vision started spinning and her legs felt like noodles Bllie knew she was sick." it sounds better. No need to drown all the writing with metaphors and other stuff.

[@drfreudsmom]

Is it just me or the initial Billie description was too complex-ish. As in it was not hard to understand but the wording didn’t flow

[@edefedd3121]

It was descriptive, and I liked the word choice, but it could've been better with less flowery words. Don't use a 10 dollar word where you can use a 1 dollar one.

[@4Core100]

@@edefedd3121 Dont pizza when you should french frie'd

[@edefedd3121]

@@4Core100 I guess that's another way of putting it

[@yuka_0730]

I believe it was descriptive and put us to another level of understanding her viewpoint. If the writer put too much description, then it would become excessive, but I think it was a great example of descriptive writing.

[@Jennifer-sn4lw]

I thought Billie was a cat lol

[@白雨-l2o]

!!! I finally understand why I was unable add metaphors to my creative writing piece! I can't force it in, and instead should focus on establishing an image, a setting that the reader can immerse themselves into, and make it easier for them to do so by connecting my ideas with objects they already know! Thank you so much for this video!!!

[@darelljackson4132]

Her voice is Heaven-sponsored and ocean-fluid.

[@almaerica563]

sponsored by god. iconic

[@paradisesomeday6630]

Damn I wanna be sponsored by God that would be so epic. Then again, maybe Satan could be just as good.

[@hannayii4537]

damn i like this

[@selenag.6565]

I really am trying to be a good writer. The descriptive writing always messes me up and no matter how descriptive I think I make it, it still feels too rushed. My teacher doesnt help. Rather than giving constructive criticism he makes me feel as if I am never gonna get better and that I should stop trying..

[@whiterabbit6958]

What do you find hard about descriptive writing? I have the opposite problem! I often have way too many ways to describe something, and then become confusing or jumbled. Maybe I can help!

[@selenag.6565]

White Rabbit Oh wow well I sorta wish I had your problem haha I find it hard to describe how someone looks or feels in a situation and how to set up the scene so the reader gets into it. I often just repeat words and I really struggle with it

[@angelstarfire]

+Kall_me_ KOUHAI same I really need help

[@w3bcor3]

+Kall_me_ KOUHAI i've got the same problem as you! everytime i repeat a word i look up a synonym of it, and try to fit it in my sentence -or i jut change the sentence completely to accomodate the new word. if that still doesn't and/or doesn't feel "natural", i try to imagine the situation in another manner. i don't change what is supposed to happen to move on with the plot, but i just try to word what i want to say differently i'm still trying to figure the solution to this problem, so sorry if that didn't help much! just thought i'd share my thoughts, who knows if someone will find them useful! ^^

[@ren.8137]

Kall_me_ KOUHAI Yeah I have that problem as well. P.s that profile picture tho!

[@thehummingbird8790]

I love how in stories, it is required of writers to engage the reader's sensory faculties, otherwise you risk boring or losing the reader's time-earned attention. However, the writer must take special care to use the right syntax in accordance with the type of genre the writer is writing in.

[@anne-marierecour8460]

Mark Twain: “When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don't mean utterly, but kill most of them--then the rest will be valuable. They weaken when they are close together. They give strength when they are far apart. If it is good enough etc etc I prefer the weak and nauseous version.

[@clipside2]

Same. So laboured to go through the other description. And thats only one paragraph - the thought of reading a book like that - no way..

[@paradisesomeday6630]

Honestly just here for the comments, they give good advice lmao

[@commandercaptain4664]

Twain: Your unity weakens you. Adjectives: No, it gives us strength. Adverbs: _nobody wants to play with me..._

[@wtk6069]

Adjectives are like salt. A little flavors the work; a lot ruins it.

[@waynedavis9883]

Hi! can u recommend books that engage its readers like the examples she gave?

[@emmarina3525]

""The dark neighborhood shimmered in silence as the moon shone above. Hardly a soul's whisper was heard, and yet the city that housed it lived on. Within the alleys of that neighborhood was a young woman, brittle as a leaf, delicate as a feather. In front of her towered a man, with the harsh look of a predator, as if his eyes could glow a hue of red, and it'd still fit his persona."" Need opinions on this small bit here :D

[@AuraSimmer]

amelia nightwolf. Thats amazing

[@emmarina3525]

I appreciate that 😄 but if there's anything you're confused about, I'd really love if you tell me about it

[@Ian-sm3su]

amelia nightwolf I think the "within the alleys of THAT neighborhood" isn't engaging, something like, within the alleys and beneath the molted moon stood a young woman Also the description of the woman could be improved and expanded as well as better introduced

[@Sarah-xv7js]

amelia nightwolf Thing is, if you use fancy words for the sake of using fancy words - don't. I know it seems tempting to make metaphors out of everything but these sentences are so full with clichés. You don't need that many words to tell a simple thing. It's gotta be easy to read, but still intriguing. Try to find a balance between those!

[@harrysecombegroupie]

Try to cut out as many words as you can while still retaining the meaning and feeling you want to convey. eg. The alleyway was dark and silent beneath the moon. A young women stood, brittle and delicate before the man who towered over her like a predator.

[@erik_gerhard]

The stewed-cherry dress idea is phenomenal. Maybe it’s obvious to some people, but the idea that a writer should be juuuuust vague enough to make you wonder specifically what they mean is revolutionary to me. My writing tends to sway between overly detailed description and overly vague simile and commentary from the narrator or characters. Thank you miss Hopkinson!

[@hollychetan-welsh2764]

This was my big takeaway too!

[@dejureclaims8214]

Excellent video, but many in the comments are expressing an important, moderating sentiment: this isn't the _only_ path to effective fiction, and it can be destructive if overused. I remember being fourteen and trying to jam as many elegant, sensory adjectives describing place and character into my writing as possible. Consider the effect this has, of drawing attention to the motives (Desperation? Self-congratulation?) of the writer, and away from the content. There's a balance to be struck between clarity and simplicity, and impactful form. Consider the kind of effect you want to produce with your work, and find a form that enhances its content. Writing that appeals to the senses is generally a good bet, but there are others. Think of Arthur C. Clarke; his books provoke powerful _feelings_ through realism and challenging concepts, whilst giving little quarter to sensory events. There's also no substitute for interesting content. Without that, you're simply wasting the reader's time.

[@thestorytellerhub9471]

Gosh. Please, do come write for the storyteller hub! 🥰

[@thestorytellerhub9471]

@Nascent Euphoria You too, you should come write for the storyteller hub! ☺️

[@delena4eva724]

Anyone else here to become a better writer on Wattpad?

[@TrailerKeller]

Lovely_ 22 I need a book buddy since I’ve been writing my book a while but I need someone to help me out with my book you have to be open to my ideas and help me and give me advice I’m a 21 year old male.

[@itstoughtobehumaninaworldv1872]

I came here to learn how to write a better less cliché story for Wattpad.

[@Abi-gt8iw]

Me

[@huaiscrblol5077]

If you're writing on Wattpad, you don't really have to try too hard. I'd know because I used it when I was 9, and I somehow liked reading stories with bad grammar, clichés and no punctuation.

[@lujineshelleh2707]

Me.

[@LillianWike-c8s]

I appreciate how well-structured and clear your tutorials are.

[@ashleycasey2093]

I like poetic descriptions but only within reason, when overdone it makes for a overcooked confusing story and can even drag the story more than it needs to, making it feel slower. I also understand that the modern world is full of idiots who like face-paced stories so the former would not fly by most readers of the 21st century.

[@zenaidaviodor1807]

Yes...

[@TotallyGoodatGames]

No, I much preferred "Billie's legs are nauseated and weak" instead of the twenty-five words of the first sentence to describe something that could've been described in six.

[@horrorpill]

True, I think too much sentences just to describe 2 things (nauseated and weak) will cause confusion.

[@Ian-sm3su]

Shi Sekushi it depends of the context of the work being written, sometimes a longer description is needed to set the scene up, and other, shorter sentences, could be used to push the story forward faster and let the readers mind wonder

[@jayfawn8478]

Totally Good at Games agree. When I notice a book with similar word construction I quickly toss it out and never touch the goddamn book

[@TotallyGoodatGames]

Brevity is the soul of wit, and it allows for the most opportunity for imagination whereas explaining everything spoon-feeds the reader unimportant details ruins it and muddies the meaning the author is trying to convey.

[@ryuuchan8516]

I'd say it depends. How will your imagination work when you're just straight forward told what's going on? In real life, you'll see hands shivering, and interpret someone's nervous or scared. Sure, you can give too much of description. But context needs to be considered.After all, it's up to the reader to enjoy writing or not, and up to the writer how to picture a scene - or not picture it.

[@guy8646]

The “good” description about Billie was terrible.

[@random_bs_goo9154]

...

[@uniquesomar1738]

what really? can you tell me a better one?

[@liavana2536]

@@uniquesomar1738 I tried so here you go: Billie’s legs were quacking as the world around her span in a pace with which she couldn’t keep up. Her face turned pale and clammy, almost devoid of blood, and her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth as it ran dry.

[@infjelphabasupporter8416]

@@liavana2536 That's pretty good mate.

[@eduardoktg8683]

@@dreamymarshmallow9190 Keep it up. I'm not a writer so I can't give any advices but if writing is what you want to do, as cliche as it sounds, don't stop trying to improve and enjoy your work

[@abgangswarte]

Instruction unclear, burned my hand on the stove.

[@MrC0MPUT3R]

+Der Gute What you meant was: "I sat foggy eyed like a stone in my chair. My mind feeling like swirling sand at a river's bottom. The potent sting of stewed-cherry steel surging from my hand had forced me to withdraw it swiftly from the hellfire stove. I sharply realized I had not understood the kaleidoscope of colors and shapes emanating playfully from the screen, nor had I understood the squawking utterances of this overly verbose but faceless hipster."

[@theamici]

+MrC0MPUT3R lolz, great comment x)

[@abgangswarte]

MrC0MPUT3R But wouldnt that mean i had unterstood the video ^^?

[@MrC0MPUT3R]

Der Gute Shhhhhh

[@ComedyLoverGirl]

That's good. That means you have a black girlfriend now.

[@PhilJonesIII]

'......stewed cherry dress. Boiled without sugar, colours apparently unsure about leaving. Stuart was to discover, too late, that she could also burn lettuce.'

[@sloth8866]

I've had the pleasure of being pulled into the amazing world of novels. Recently have started to write my own novel. Thanks for the help. And I hope the best for the others before and after me!

[@jonbaxter2254]

This woman has a lovely voice

[@exult8423]

0:42 I had no idea what the fuck that was trying to convey. Mix some similes in there or use something at least half descriptive. Now that I know she was meant to be sick I can see what was meant, but without context that made little sense. "Billie's legs struggled against her crippling fatigue, her ruffled hair ending in knotted points, her tongue dry and cracked and her eyes sitting on heavy bags strongly emphasised her worrying ailment." That was half-assed and it was still better. Forgive me for that, I just got frustrated by it being their example of "descriptive" writing.

[@indial.5515]

slay

[@bickieditch9168]

get rid of "strongly emphasized" and you've got yourself a deal.

[@dulledmemory4776]

I actually got it right away, probably because the whole "leg's are noodles" is so popular, and I think I may have read something VERY familiar to it in context. That or years of pre-1900 classics has turned my mind adapt at translating this kind of nonsentical shit-- sorry, I meant... um... genius characterization. Now I examine it, this is a LOT better.

[@TheSacredImmortal]

Obscene Glabella but it's great description

[@clipside2]

that to me feels annoyingly descriptive - and I feel like the book would be twice as long as it would have to be and therefore inefficient in it's storytelling. Is that even a thing? This is a new world for me. I've read a lot but have just recently started writing

[@davek8213]

Key takeaway 1:57 Reader will understand what Billie feels like but they won’t feel what Billie feels.

Okey, I was googling "oomes" in the thumbnail for 3 minutes til I figured it out it is "comes".

[@Minty1337]

+Caio Simplicio I kinda see what he means, maybe he just looked at it too quickly or it was to small to see the spacing of letters.

[@starklingspars8956]

+Bence Illés I read it as 'oomes' at first too lol

[@DeathlyDiJ]

+Bence Illés i don't see comes anywhere

[@saddamkhansamajwadibesthay615]

DeathlyDiJ

[@zzzsalvacion417]

Falling in love on the beach was the cliché part for me lol

[@nallyaaaaaa]

me, a wattpad writer trying to improve my book : *write that down, write that down-*

[@lissa7476]

Yess!

[@nallyaaaaaa]

@theSML one mm, well you gotta make an account, and then you're all set! you can read books (beware : there are plenty of cliche/terrible books or fanfics with awful grammar, don't waste your time with them and read books that you actually enjoy!) or publish your own there. literally anyone can do so, it's a free community where we encourage creativity. if you need any help, just ask me here. :)

[@nallyaaaaaa]

@theSML one naww, i doubt it! even if you think it isn't that good, you could try to continue improving! trust me, it's wattpad, altho there are a lot of awesome books, i've seen a lot of people write terrible stuff and not even bother to fix them. as long as you have dedication and good grammar (dw about writing styles for now, as long as your writing is correct, it's already good. even if you aren't good at english, there's always room for improvement. you could get someone to help correct you, perhaps?)

[@nallyaaaaaa]

@theSML one yea, i've been there. but seriously, i think the idea has lots of potential, you shouldn't give up! even if there are better fanfics, so what? it's a fanfic, and your book is your own story, they're two different things. not trying to force you to publish, i just want to let you know that your story already sounds great, even if you think it isn't. you'll never know if you never try! good luck with whatever you decide to do, just know that you'll have this random stranger rooting for you. :D

[@junekafaltiya4514]

@@nallyaaaaaa I am also a new writer on Wattpad seriously firstly I had no idea how to write I just have my story Idea and I wrote it down (as I haven't read any novel except one that also 1-2 years ago)but now I am learning how to write hope I will improve more 😄

[@jessical4866]

0:56 Yes, I did get queasy. Mostly because of the way IT WAS WRITTEN IN PRESENT TENSE.

[@wolframtan176]

Billie will always be sick hahaha.

[@GeorgeSPAMTindle]

Present tense is the correct way.

[@paradisesomeday6630]

Reverend George yeah, I mean, that was what’s currently happening right?

[@GeorgeSPAMTindle]

@@paradisesomeday6630 It is also what publishers say that they want. Reading published books might not support this argument, but I have had manuscripts returned with notes telling me to rewrite it in the present tense.

[@wtk6069]

In my entire life, I've never finished reading a book written primarily in the present tense. I find its use distracting at best and destructive in most instances.

[@mytaebae8553]

Trying to write better fanfiction be like.

[@RandoPassingBy]

lol same

[@e.mchristina5260]

😂

[@tobioflyhigh666]

YA

[@almaerica563]

Meee

[@arasayproductions3727]

sammeee

[@DribbleFlow]

I actually felt immersed in this video. Because the sound, the animation, and the voice of the character were all perfect and outstanding

[@FNHot]

Strange, I view the examples, like the dress in the opposite way as the video described. When you say it's a stewed cherry dress, it really narrows it down. Where as had you said it was red, it's then up to me and my imagination to figure out what that dress looks like. All the examples they used, I preferred the simple and to the point ones. The more wordy ones, feel like you're wasting time, and trying to pad you book with pointless details because you don't have much of a story to tell.

[@FNHot]

+cravenjooooooooooooo okay good! I thought I was the only one. I feel like writing is like decorating cupcakes, if you let a kid do it, you're going to end up with jaw breakers, gummy worms, and fist fulls of gumballs jammed into the icing. An adult will try to make it visually appealing, while also edible. A good writer understands, when biting into their story, a reader wants something that tantalizes the tongue, and maybe even surprises you, not leaves you with a chipped tooth a mouth full of gum. Also ... I want cupcakes .... ;)

[@Dave451996]

+FNHot I actually like both methods, maybe it´s really about the importance of the character having the detail. If we come the example of the dress again: Maybe you want to write red for some dress and stewed cherry dress (or any other long explanation) for the main characters crushs dress.

[@marcelaortiz323]

+The Hunt for Red October same

[@marcelaortiz323]

well, it also depends on the readers imagination, like, to a person it might seem to limit the options, but to the other person it might seem that the way to describe vividly what they are reading is making them be there. It really depends on your imagination and understanding of the reading.

[@XavierGuillaume]

+FNHot I think she was implying "stewed cherry dress" is better than "red as a rose". and "stewed cherry dress" is descriptive enough that it allows your brain to pinpoint what that might look like even though the brain has never come across a dress that looked like that. :)

[@autumntatoosh4611]

At first when I heard the word violet I thought of the colour Now I thought of her The tealight candles on her bedside drawer The sock monkey collection on her bed The way my name rolled off her tounge and didn't sound like my name anymore She could effortlessly make anything beautiful Because she was beautiful But after that thought another thought made me shiver One I didn't want to remember ........But didn't want to forget Does this sound like an alright opening to a book?

[@janitor6668]

now I thought of her should be now I think of her, as now refers to the present tense

[@glitzicurities9075]

I need the book this is the opening to. This sounds like an opening to a masterpiece.

[@draculla7267]

Brilliant. Just brilliant.

[@saanvi6662]

AKAJAGJSBE THATS BEAUTIFUL AMAZING 👏👏👏👏👏 whats the name of this masterpiece?

[@_pg_18]

That was so amazing. Nice opening

[@svrynz]

Maia, feeling a sudden spark by watching the mesmerizing video, suddenly found a reason to open up her laptop and begin writing away, losing track of time as she lost herself in her own world, creating and entertaining her own self with cute, silly fiction.

[@PersonWhoAsked]

"A sliver of light seeped through a small gap in the curtains, the birds singing their dawning songs, signaling the rise of a new day." this could not only mean the morning of another day, this could also imply that something is about to happen. (a section of a book I am working on)

[@KSA-xl5zk]

I think this is important only in certain scenarios where it’s important to set up a scene, where the setting and how it looks/feels/sounds/tastes/smells is important to what happens in it. Pace is also important as it’s impossible to establish a fast pace with too many similies/descriptors while a more static scene where the characters have time to take in their surroundings would be a bit dull without them. A lot of beginners tend to overload their writing with, and place more emphasis on, flowery language or obscure descriptive comparators that make their writing tiring to read. Descriptors are like decorative icing on cake: it adds to the overall appeal of the cake but without the other components it wouldn’t be much use, nor would it taste as nice.

[@sid.h]

Yeah.. no. Simple and clear descriptions can have just as much or greater effects than overly flourished ones. You have a story? Then tell that story without trying to overload my imagination with your superfluous pictures. You do not have a story, maybe you just want to parade with your nauseating language? Don't waste my time! I'm not saying, that artistic tools don't have their place. They definitely do. But using them just for their own sake, like in the first example of the video, is wrong!

[@Shilag]

+Szilárd Hompoth I kind of agree with you, there.

[@MorpheousXO]

+Szilárd Hompoth seriously, I did not like the first example, but I did like the second example. Unsure on the third example, "stewed-cherry" seemed kinda... odd.

[@sailormoonfish]

It's really a matter of preference. I don't mind the long descriptions when the character/object is relevant to the story. I prefer simpler ones when the little details are not important to understand the bigger picture.

[@ericm1839]

+Szilárd Hompoth you must not read a lot of prose. while it can be overdone, when writing a setting or description or incorporating thematic points, metaphors, symbolism, and rich language can often aid in immersion. it's a lot like videogames: if you have good graphical design (not just good graphics, but actual graphical design) and rich environments, there is a much greater level of immersion. if everything is super simplified, you might have a decent competitive game or mobile app (*wretches*), but you will have more difficulty telling a story. if you over-emphasize graphics and lens flares and motion blur without actually making meaningful environmental-player(reader) interactions, you're just going to end up with a bunch of seasick destiny players (oops). you're right that sometimes things can become convoluted beyond the story's means, but to just say that we should cut metaphors and descriptions out of prose is absolutely ludicrous.

[@ericm1839]

+Szilárd Hompoth also, the first example (i havent read the book) might be more powerful in context. if she just found out that her significant other had cheated on her, that would be a good way to describe the feeling as she was perceiving it: bit by bit, very vividly. i think the problem most of you have with that example is that, out of context, it's a little too intense. however, i can remember similar passages from Ralph Ellison's "Invisible Man" that were very exciting and enjoyable to read in context, because it played off of a good buildup.

[@redt7935]

I'm going to have to bookmark this to refer back to it more than once. This is a solid analysis and I think it will greatly help my ability to write more effectively.

[@cici3079]

“Set the reader’s brush fire imagination alight”. For a visual person such as myself this video truly embodies its message and paints the exact picture I needed to recreate my thoughts. Although this long sentence is not an example of what I learned.

[@frankortiz6780]

This is how I write. Billy sat on a chair. He felt very sleepy. "Is school over." He questioned. 😂im cringing

[@metamorphosis6061]

oml sameee

[@hamdibear2103]

Billy sat on his leather chair and felt relief. His eyes felt droopy and he slowly closed them...He quickly opened one eye. "Is school over..?" He groaned and closed his eyes as he felt his worries swiftly go away..

[@hiyamjaffacake2045]

I-

[@charmaine9307]

Why do I feel so attacked aaaAaaaa

[@vixtagguk9583]

Billy is relatable 😁

[@timeforcorn8929]

There are moments where you should SHOW (emotional scenes, introducing a new setting or scene), and there are moments where you should TELL (playing it down, non-important scenes), and I think the video misses that.

[@KevinAndrewMan]

"Billie's gurgling gut afflicted her walk into class. Her hair had nothing to do with it."

[@belaangelo9616]

How to write "undescriptively" 😅 if I may say so. I always had troubles at college where teachers were not able to understand my essays because my style was poetic, full of metaphors and descriptions all the time. I simply cannot stop doing this over and over :/

[@wetbaklava]

Valérie LaFramboise omg same

[@soitgoes290]

Just go over it when you edit and keep only the very best parts of it

[@BallyBoy95]

For me it was the opposite lol, if they said she was nauseated, then she was nauseated lol, as for the metaphors about her legs being noodles, and hair being poison needles, that was all unnecessary for me, I guess different people have different perceptions.

[@justinedeleon3368]

+Bruce Wayne overdone in short, aye? but indeed, subjective is the field of arts.

[@Rosiestoned]

While I didn't enjoy the noodles and needles either, there's still different types of nausea which would be described differently. You don't feel the same nausea when you have food poisoning or when you're about to perform on stage or when your crush talks to you or when you smell a corpse... I would enjoy reading words that describe the type of nausea using imagery but not just for the sake of having fancy adjectives to describe the exact same thing. I would also enjoy it if it really shows smth about the character, like social anxiety creeping in. I have nightmares where my legs are noodles and I can't run. It's horrible but it's not nausea at all.

[@dial3ctic289]

one. of the most beautiful inspiring videos I have seen recently

[@cattidesjar4229]

I love this video, for it steals my captivation, like as a book, and leaves me aspiring to write wonderful, numerous tomes.

[@elliecat4807]

I hate using vivid descriptions. The plot doesn't move anywhere and I get annoyed. It seems like It's just going for the word count and not the plot. Some description is nice but too much makes the story slow moving, which no one wants. They teach writing with vivid descriptions in school and if we don't include a hundred words describing how a chocolate bar feels and tastes then we have failed. That doesn't make sense because we don't need a hundred words on a chocolate bar.

[@trentpeterson3495]

Vivid descriptions dont have to halt anything. It can be used so well but in this case it was over used and to flowery like the person spent 20 minutes on this one moment.

[@trentpeterson3495]

Old story ignore the punctuation and errors please I have seen them but I like the flow this has mixing discriptions and action.

[@simonakatsman974]

I always think of the difference between Victor Hugo and Jane Austen. They both use extremely vivid language but Jane Austen is more concise and doesn't waste time on minute characters with marginal importance and doesn't even describe her character's appearance beyond vague terms. Victor Hugo uses up a lot of room describing small and relatively unimportant characters and places that only occur in one part of the novel. He's more interested in scenery than the feelings of the scene. Guess who I'd rather read.

[@David-se5ph]

I completely understand your point of view, and as a writer I have tried to cut down on the flowery language but for me I put in vivid description not because of word count, but because I love it so much.

[@mimimet6201]

I have been getting back to hobbies that felt dry and plain when I couldn't afford to keep them going and it's been nice to find things like this that make me think again instead of just background noise. I still have quite a few bad habits, the ones that stop you from growing, to work out but I'm at least happy again with the direction I'm taking. I think for something like this I'm more in the group of mixing things. There are readers for everything even when we reach a point where published books remain on screens from one average person to another get flowery, don't, mix them pick and choose what works for you every time you look at one of these videos. After all you won't know for sure what your audience thinks or feels about any part of your creation until you attract them.

[@summerghost6551]

Am I the only one who feels motivated to write a story on wattpad but then later on deletes it?

[@TomorrowWeLive]

A restrained, understated style can be just as potent as an ornate one, in my opinion, if not more so. Mary Renault's The Charioteer, for instance, is the best book I've ever read. It reads like she cut out half the novel, but is no less beautiful for its sparseness.

[@ayabachir8865]

that meticulous animation and deft for details is splendid

[@MsAngelique]

I personally avoid too many metaphors when describing my characters. This is because I've noticed that many readers will assume I'm being literal. Then again, this is personal choice for me.

[@Rosiestoned]

surrealist writers don't have that problem :D

[@sara_esther]

Also keep in mind that the reader will, inevitably, not picture everything exactly like you did when you put pen to paper. And that is OKAY! The point of both writing and reading fiction is to create a world of your own in your head, and captivating a reader enough that they use their imagination. Don't stress too much about getting specific details down that will confuse/ muddle the story.

[@PrincessSachiko]

This is sooooo good! I love the animation and I felt like the writing tips were spot-on. I like how you used specific examples. I'm glad I found this video! 😄

[@GeekSchoolTutoring]

This is so informative. Building in the five senses when writing definitely helps bring writing to life. 👌🏼

[@747andstuf]

Stephen King is one of the best writers, when I was reading it I arched my back so Penneywise would not catch my back, I was that "absorbed", thats how good Stephen King is.

[@booklilith-sumer5176]

I’ve read books in one sitting, and sometimes, I’ll begin at a time that I know, and when I’m done, I’ll think it’s the time of day the story ended, even if that’s earlier than when I began, even think it’s winter in summer, and vice versa. That is the sign of a truly immersive book, when you begin to entirely forget your own world, and all that seems to exist is the story, when all you can think to do is turn the page, and let the story continue, because you begin to believe that there is nothing more left than the story, that you’re really there, that is when a story is truly immersive, that is when you know that the story is not just good, but truly great.

[@kelleyeidem667]

Those tips sound like great advice! Adding this to it can let a person sail through it. This works to eliminate writer's procrastination effortlessly for both fiction or non-fiction: Simply erase part of the last sentence you've written for that day. Your mind is hardwired to be working on it, so that you won't be able to wait for the earliest time to get back to writing some more. Do this every time. If your last sentence is so golden you don't want to erase it, write another line and erase part of it. If you're stuck and haven't written in a while, go back to where you left off and erase part of the last sentence you wrote. Your last sentence might change almost every time. Who cares because you're on your way! IOW, you've just conquered the biggest challenge to writing for most writers and done it effortlessly. Kelley Eidem author, "The Doctor Who Cures Cancer" and "Is There a Question That Heals Instantly?"

[@smrittisridhar5439]

Manipulation of words should have a subtle hint of a metaphorical expression not too many references for one description. The writing should not only be able to take you into itself but should also bring you back to reality, showing the difference between the beauty of reading and reality. If you think to yourself, then this one criteria is what urges the reader to continue, as they know how much more fascinating it is.

[@creativitylive]

As you feel and think😌🙂

[@alicaido6616]

Anyone willing to give their opinion on this: I sat below a lonely tree, in a valley overcome by green. To both sides of me the damp brown earth shot into the blue sky, patchy clouds of wispy white spread amongst the blue. All around me the ground was green, the grass spread through the clearing I sat within. In front of me a road snaked into the belly of the valley, the cliff faces leaned inwards. Behind me a field of green spiralled outwards, the peaceful sky adding to the joyous sight. Though I hadn't looked behind me for hours. I only looked forward, into the valley. Just before the road a strip of darkness lay waiting. I knew it was a chasm, but I didn't know how deep the gap fell. I looked into the void of earth, wondering if I'd die from the fall. It didn't matter. I didn't have friends waiting behind me, I didn't have family waiting, I only had her. Where she is now, is debatable. I've been getting mixed opinions on it, so I thought that maybe getting some opinions that are outside of friend groups would be nice. I think it may be a bit too descriptive, though I'm not entirely sure whether it is. Either way, constructive criticism is appreciated.

[@xviridian5919]

Though I usually skim through descriptive parts because I like to read fast, I stopped myself to read this whole thing. It's excellent.

[@loifenotgay5449]

Heath Dan It's really good! I have a few tips, but of course they are just what I thought about it. Maybe even though it's only 2 paragraphs, give something to make it a little interesting. You make it puzzling, you wanna find out more and that's great just I and only I probably don't really find that as interesting as... "Yer a wizard, Harry. -Rubeus Hagrid 1991

[@alicaido6616]

FlamingStallion101 I didn't want to comment the whole story, but it's still just a short story. A page and a half.

[@dulledmemory4776]

+Heath Dan There's actually a bit of a rule in fiction writing that basically states that if the first chapter of your story should captivate with each word. That should apply to the whole story if you truly want to make a GOOD read.

[@alicaido6616]

DulledMemory from what I've heard from friends, most of my writing is like that. Though sometimes there's a bit of a struggle.

[@papoyminions6404]

When I write, if I felt what I just write, I knew it was a good writing. Sometimes I got absorbed into me own story.

[@authra6595]

Hi, super late reply. I'm having a trouble with liking my own writing... Mainly because I'm a perfectionist, and I always felt that my writing is not good enough. Because I'm always looking for a problem while writing it, I failed to absorb myself into my own story. It's really frustrating, so I'm glad you can do that, buddy. :)

[@TheSheepster]

@@authra6595 Same dude, ever since I've read all these improvements, I've been overwhelmed to edit my past writing. Back then, I wrote and wrote, let my voice come out, loved the writing! Then I hear "Oh, avoid WAS in writing." "Avoid filter words like felt, heard, etc..." "Remove every of these words: Like, just, literally... etc." My motivation comes and drops, I'm going to force myself to write what my heart says, and if I don't like it, edit it later. I should just have my own writing style and if people don't like it, they can go leave. I will improve slowly on my own!

[@authra6595]

@@TheSheepster I relate to you so much, man. Reading all those tips can be discouraging as you don't want to make mistakes while writing. But really, writing is an art and it's important that you have fun and enjoy your story! It'll translate in each and every word. Most important thing now is that you realized what you want in your story. Keep going! :)

[@karmaexists3541]

The only reason I watch this channel is the art and the amazing advice they give.

[@kavithakp7932]

Inking your taughts reflects your soul too🤗❣️❣️

[@gristlevonraben]

Great video. But crack of sails was the wrong word. I've seen writers do this often. They will begin a scene or try to set a tone, but use incongruent adjectives or adverbs or other descriptors. Instead of the loud word crack, they should have used shuffle, or flutter, or bustle. Crack, snap, pop, all sounds that sails can make are very loud sounds. How can it be ghost-quiet if things are cracking in the foreground? A lot of times, people who are dialogue dominant, will mess up sight, sound and smells. I am still tempted to start a writing movement where students are encouraged to add the other senses more frequently to their stories. If you want to be a better writer, then color the world in your story with your whole being, not just with the art of your tongue.

[@itsameaffi]

wow. i never thought of that.

[@impish_snake3526]

The use of silence to describe the overall surroundings while utilizing loud sounds to describe the ship itself creates a stark contrast and a sense of isolation. It’s like if you were in a huge room or an empty arena and yelled as loud as you could: you would still feel small and alone because the massive silence around your outburst swallowed the commotion whole.

[@traxelvanilla8070]

Noice

[@somedudeintheinterweb8665]

So it would be more like "the surroundings were fairly ghost-quiet for the most part, with the occasional bustling from the sails and the frequent burbling from the water hitting against the hull" right?

[@mayleespann4552]

It did say, “for the crack of sails,” and the “ghost-quiet” sets up a stark contrast. But you do make a fair point. (Though personally I think your idea of a “movement” is really just how all good fiction writers should and do write all the time). I do heartily agree about the senses in writing.

[@xeviusUsagi]

this just made me realize what part of books I enjoy the most... and its when the writer describes the body language of a character rather than telling you things directly the write could just say: "and he was embarrassed" but reading: "he's eyes widened, as his face slowly turned red, he turns his head to the side slightly whispering thank you" in the phrase nowhere did the writer say he was embarrassed, you just had to understand it yourself. and when characters are described like this it just makes them feel so alive to me especially if there are some repeated body language things, like a character that always scratches their head when they are embarrassed. or always squinting when they don't understand something

[@Sirrajj]

What a beautiful video, that's very much why I love Fiction and it's very fascinating to see how it's made, I'm saving this video in my playlist to watch it again & again.

[@leoleondre2425]

This literally makes me want to be a writer

[@thatsgooodd]

Bill, a towering boy , met a girl at the beach with gorgeous facial features and pleasent scent , while walking on the warm sand and listening to the seagulls and gentle waves

[@blackpotion1]

I'm very late to the party but this was such a helpful and beautifully made piece! Thank you and congratulations!

[@samramdebest]

0:40 I like the second description better. Maybe that's why I don't like books? edit: It's like the first one is the second one edited just to hit a word count.

[@austininflorida]

+samramdebest Same here. I also do not understand where the nauseated portion comes from in the first description.

[@ericm1839]

+samramdebest the first example (i havent read the book) might be more powerful in context. if she just found out that her significant other had cheated on her, that would be a good way to describe the feeling as she was perceiving it: bit by bit, very vividly. i think the problem most of you have with that example is that, out of context, it's a little too intense. however, i can remember similar passages from Ralph Ellison's "Invisible Man" that were very exciting and enjoyable to read in context, because it played off of a good buildup.

[@RosheenQuynh]

+samramdebest I don't get how people live sometimes. My dad used to exaggerate that it takes three pages for a person to cross the street but it's super fucking boring simply saying they crossed the street, rather than putting yourself in their shoes as they see and experiences the things that happen as they cross the street.

[@samramdebest]

RoseOfTheNight4444 I don't experience this :"putting yourself in their shoes as they see and experiences the things that happen as they cross the street.", It's just crossing the street with filler text

[@RosheenQuynh]

samramdebest I couldn't imagine living my life like that. Everything is a story, every little action is a story to be told. :(

[@shannonperegrin7357]

This really helps me. I'm new on writing, I started because I keep having these ideas in my head and I wanna just write it down. This helps me on how will I form what I'm writing

[@sam_tiup7725]

0:20 OMG best book ever but i loved her so much she were my favourite charakter... :(

[@tristanyoungs4673]

That's what I like about the song of Ice and fire is George can paint a picture with words

[@Sawan_senpaii]

Being a writer is fun, you are the boss of fictional world that you have created you can make changes in it you can kill someone, revive someone, make someone fell in love with anyone you want and you put all your views and imagination in a book so the reader can experience and enjoy the fantasy world of yours

[@johnyoon6555]

A great piece of informative video on descriptive writing. You writers and storytellers are to have some influence on others' lives. I am dreaming of writing a piece for a good influence^^

[@SC-rq6ne]

That excerpt sounded like bad fan fiction 😳 Poor Billie.

[@_pl00mf_58]

My personal rule of thumb is that if you find that writing it is becoming a chore the readers are likely to feel the same way.

[@TheLadyKiel]

Thank you. I’m going to college and majoring in English and writing. I love writing short stories and this just gave me some inspiration. I have notebooks that could fill a room and I realize that with video...writing is a sacred art.

[@lekansaiki2585]

0:18 - When she says 'to laugh', there is a whale and a pot of flowers 😂. Weird combination if you ask me!

[@gul4470]

Thank you for this valuable lesson 🙏

[@lindaelaine5946]

Some commenters seem to ignore that the example sentences in this lesson are taken from published novels whose audiences are not primary or middle school readers. Yes, several of the examples are from novels written by women. However, these novels have paying readers. The male author of Hurricane Fever, Tobias Buckell, has won awards for his writing. Raise your hand if you can claim this. If not... well... you know.

[@thescratchyscratch7848]

**slams head over keyboard several times** There. The story, and script for Twilight