How Weddings Keep You Poor

I knew it was expensive, but not this expensive... | Use code “CARA” at joindeleteme.com/cara if you’re interested in getting your own detailed report and having your personal information stay private!
🎥 More about this video:
It seems like weddings are getting more extravagant by the year, but come on - they're weddings, we have to go big or go home, right? Whether it's because of rising costs, more disposable income, social media trends, or something else altogether, recent reports have the average wedding in the US costing $29,000. In this video essay, I break down how weddings keep you poor and how spending big on a wedding may lead to financial pressures that affect your relationship.
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🔍 Resources mentioned:
CNN report on wedding costs: www.cnn.com/2023/05/31/busine....
Poverty rates in history: ourworldindata.org/extreme-po...
Engagement ring history: blog.hubspot.com/marketing/di...
De Beers history: www.bbc.com/news/magazine-2737...
Average wedding guest cost: fortune.com/recommends/bankin...
$200 wedding venue: www.insider.com/how-much-wedd...
💌 Want to support the channel? Here are a few ways!:
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🎥 Check out some of my other videos! 🎥
- How FOMO Culture Keeps You Poor: • How FOMO Culture Keeps...
- How TikTok Is Fueling Overconsumption: • How TikTok is Fueling ...
- Let's talk social media's 'aesthetic' obsession: • Let's talk social medi...
- How Designer Brands Keep You Poor: • How Designer Brands Ke...
Time Stamps:
00:00 Extravagant wedding costs
03:33 Weddings weren't always like this
05:29 Social pressure influencing us
07:14 Movies & Media's Impact
08:37 The wedding industrial complex
09:30 Social Media's Impact
11:05 My framing is flawed
13:28 Tradeoffs involved
15:44 Final wedding thoughts
Keywords for some sweet, sweet metadata:
Personal finance, money management, weddings, wedding costs, budgeting, budget, FOMO, sales, deals, saving money, marriage, culture, sustainability, video essay, video analysis, social media, instagram, pinterest, tiktok, overconsumption, consumerism, consumption, financial boundaries, spending money, influencer, engagement rings, wedding dress

[@thefinancialfreedomgirl]

Use code “CARA” at joindeleteme.com/cara if you’re interested in getting your own detailed report and having your personal information stay private! Thanks for watching!!

[@YasminBook1]

I would rather spend that much money on the honeymoon or a house to start our lives.

[@populousbreak9172]

You smart

[@smilemore6130]

Yes! And if people don’t understand that when they don’t get an invite BYE. Close circle, dinner, done.

[@Momo-po5tn]

I mean doing an extravagant honeymoon would be just as bad. Put that down for your new home

[@djtoxicdhg]

Could not agree more

[@woodside4life]

I DESERVE MY DREAM WEDDING!!! And the whole marriage thing too or whatever.

[@M123OCT]

Without going into detail, we had a very small, inexpensive wedding, and it was the most beautiful and intimate experience. And the number of people who have told us that it was the best wedding they'd ever been to was actually quite moving. Just one small example: we didn't have a photographer. We just told everyone to take pictures and send them to us. We now have loads of interesting, funny, natural photos which really capture the day and what we experienced, rather than a bunch of overpriced, posed, fantasy pictures that look exactly the same as everyone else's overpriced, posed, fantasy pictures. Focus on being together, not on putting on an expensive show for everyone else.

[@Qnmeyqecph]

Yes, in my case we hired the photographer for the ceremony and for a quick photoshoot and it was very affordable.

[@esikazemese]

The photographer is not something I would give up, but other than that, pretty much everything can go. I would get married in a barn :D Just don't have my wedding photos with my eyes closed :D

[@loving0u]

Instead you got no real quality and good looking memories from your wedding day, and had all the guests performing shooting for you. Unless you really don’t care about photos/memories, hopefully your bargain is not a hidden regret now.

[@M123OCT]

@@loving0u Absolutely not. The photos are fantastic, seriously. Staged wedding photos look unnatural and posed, and often the couples don't even look like themselves. If people want to go that way, doesn't bother me. 👍

[@mald379]

@@M123OCT good wedding photographer wont be just about the poses, they know how to catch a glipse of important moments, and they will do infinitely better than your friend with iPhone :) Unfortunately the best photographer I knew that could do that, couldn't make it to our wedding and what I got was all posed pics where I look pregnant, and everything is warm beige 😮‍💨 so it is a gamble!

[@akskdfj]

My wife and I just went to the courthouse and paid $30 to get married. We both have "good" jobs and could have afforded a modest wedding but we both thought spending $10k+ on a day was not our vibe. No regrets.

[@cherryivana1129]

That’s how it should be!!!!

[@margaridamdl]

Me too!! I spent in total 200€, including matching wedding rings. I was the bride and everyone was surprised by my decision, even shaming us and trying for us to have a dinner party. Nope! Not gonna spend that money. We are a private couple and don't like gatherings with large groups of people. Because it snowballs. You have to invite EVERYONE. By not inviting anyone, you are not going to leave anyone behind 😂

[@bluz1864]

​@@margaridamdlyes! Yes! This is why my fiance and I are going this route.

[@DillishUs]

We would have done this if we didn't feel morally obligated to have an event for our families. Our rationale was to ensure our parents experienced a wedding since our siblings eloped & it was their last chance to be parents of the bride/groom 😅

[@shakenbacon-vm4eu]

Y’all are likely gonna be together forever! I swear, the more a couple spend on their wedding, the more likely they’ll get divorced.

[@LaurenSophie1989]

My parents married in my grandparents garden. (Normal, middle-class home). And my uncle made barbecue. My mom's dress was rented. The guests took the photos. They are married for 38 years and are still sooo happy. My mom says it's not important to have an expensive wedding but about the love and respect for each other. I want THAT!

[@VBoo459]

I love that, however you know people can have both right?

[@TH0KH]

Mine was very similar! Just immediate family, grandparents and godparents, at my Aunt's house with a borrowed dress. Grandma was a cake decorator and made us one, there's a couple hobby photographers in the family. Potluck food. Pictures at the lake in town. only things paid for were the license, the officiant, a couple small decorations, and flowers at a discounted price from a family friend. My friend did city hall for $300, then food at a Chinese buffet lol. Best 1k they ever spent

[@paulababula9621]

Eww, why would you rent a dress?

[@user-dw1ls3rp1l]

Of the few dozen weddings I've been to, budgets from $200 to maybe a quarter mil, the cheapest ones have had the happiest couples over time.

[@aurin_komak]

Yeah... I've watched those weird wedding TV shows and when the woman insists on having a $30k wedding ring...yeah that marriage ain't gonna last. There's a certain level of intelligence and maturity you need to have in order to keep up a marriage, and if you're asking for a middle class man for a ring that expensive, I don't think you've got it. I suppose the same applies to weddings as well. Also no shame on those who can afford extravagant weddings or overpriced rings, because _you can afford them._

[@donatella302]

In my experience as a guest at many weddings, the less expensive or simpler weddings have also been the most enjoyable. I believe they also are more enjoyable for the couple, since they are more present in the experience instead of worrying about “perfection”.

[@lanagustafson1700]

that makes sense since finances are one of the top reasons why couples get divorced

[@yin4296]

From my experience being from the lower class, all of my family's weddings have been cheap and held together by personal favors and frail lines of love. It's a personal goal of mine that my wedding will be less about my family helping us "start off right" and more so a show of how my boyfriend and I work well together and can provide for ourselves, since no one in my family to date has been able to go without intense support (save for my parents- they're the ones going broke from all the support they provide). That's just me though, I can understand why people want to keep it a cheap family affair.

[@rachelesmith3342]

Don’t get me started on bachelorette and bridesmaid activities where you have to buy useless garments, merch, and one time use plastics and then pay to fly to random destinations to celebrate with the bride. This is usually nowadays in addition to the engagement announcement party and the bridal shower, the rehearsals, then the actual wedding itself. Brides make it so elaborate now to the point that you need to buy certain color clothes, get your hair and makeup done professionally and pay for flights/hotels/foods/drinks/gifts out of your own pocket to help them celebrate. And not to be a Debby downer but much of it feels pointless given that the divorce rate is at almost 60%. The cycle restarts itself when someone becomes pregnant and there’s the gender reveal, baby shower etc. it’s exhausting

[@mads1864]

Haha I decided to not do that for the very reason! My only bridesmaid activity might be a craft night for the decor for the big day. Just a chill, relaxing time together. Nothing crazy. I would never ask my friends to pay for something they couldn't.

[@perthfanny3017]

As a European, just reading all those different things that you have to do (go through?) sounds very exhausting and honestly boring. I love that in Europe things are more laid-back. No engagement ceremony, no destination bachelorette party (just a party with your girlfriends), no crazy dress code,... There is no pressure to have a crazy wedding ceremony. I really feel for you 😞 now the gender reveal is unfortunately becoming more and more common in Europe.

[@teekeylahnc2021]

Yes, I feel this comment. You put what I been feeling in the most perfect words. Thank you!

[@vedotin]

Having a flashy, expensive wedding is nice. A marriage with stable and sufficient finances is better. Some people can have it both ways, but some of us will have to choose one or the other.

[@nicolemurphy2629]

No its a waste of money and pointless

[@minnie9649]

@@nicolemurphy2629 lol guess what? Most people who have expensive flashy weddings are just very wealthy people, and often the parents are paying and not the couple. It is a myth that poor couples are running around hosting these suares. It’s generally rich people who have a lot of money. Or they are middle class but belong to cultures that value weddings (Hindus and Catholics for example), and the parents may have saved up very deliberately for the event that bears great importance to them.

[@mrgtmodernretrogamingtech6891]

Tip : Tell people you want to invite that you're having a simple wedding... The people who will respond happily and come to your wedding are you're real friends.

[@eugeniesh7285]

so true. got two wives of my husband's friends who were not happy that we were not throwing 50k euros wedding (because they had 50k weddings :D)

[@mrgtmodernretrogamingtech6891]

@@eugeniesh7285 Great decision! Have a debt free and good life ma'am!

[@VBoo459]

its so strange they weren't happy for you, its your wedding! I'm having a 30k euro wedding however my friend had a small wedding at her family home. It was so beautiful. Your wedding, your style!@@eugeniesh7285

[@jh26pt2]

The wedding is the least important day of the marriage. I know this idea would never take off (as the video astutely points out, there are a lot of people with an interest in people having ever bigger and more expensive weddings), but it would be so cool if we barely celebrated weddings, and instead had big blowouts for 25 or 50 year anniversaries. Those are worth celebrating. Any idiot can say "I do".

[@ItsOKtobeNormal]

That's an amazing idea! We were gonna do something like that for our 10 but honestly it feels like marriage only gets real around that time, so I've decided to wait til our 20th in 8 years because that one seems like it's more of an accomplishment.

[@Ramser03]

I love this jdea

[@EMYoutube1225]

Agree 100%. A long and happy marriage should be celebrated. 🙂

[@nicolemurphy2629]

why is it good in your eyes to tolerate an abusive old prick for 50 years? you think it should be celebrated? NO

[@hannahc3317]

My great-grandparents did this. I went to their 60th anniversary when I was 10. They held a big party every decade. Unfortunately they couldn't throw one for their 70th anniversary because that was after the pandemic started.

[@xtinern]

I'm currently planning my wedding and everything about this industry and the way people act around this day makes me cringe. Don't understand why people are insisting I go into debt so they can have 4 hours of photos to post on their social media about my marriage. I'm going to wear a black wedding dress 😂

[@mpazinambao2938]

Why are people willingly going into debt for this?! I'm so confused.

[@aurin_komak]

My great grandma wore a black dress to her wedding. It was quite fitting, as her brother was killed that day by the Russians. Wasn't a very happy wedding from what I've heard

[@annierminx]

@@aurin_komak well damn, definitely memorable at least ig

[@justwonder1404]

​@@aurin_komakbringing grief into families, old Russian tradition.

[@strikingitrich7630]

Usually it’s women who want the big wedding. The average man don’t give a f.

[@sayan9566]

My best friend recently spent $200k on her wedding and each bridesmaid had to cough up $2k each to be able to go to the bachelorette party, mind you we are not all as affluent as her. But it just makes me question so much on how some people don’t mind being in debt just to have one nice day like their wedding

[@DRT813]

This is the most annoying part of the wedding industry to me. I don't care if other people spend a ton of money on their weddings - sometimes I find it peculiar what they want in their wedding and how obsessed they are, but in the end it's not my place to judge it. However if someone would expect me to spend a significant amount of my own money on their ideas of extravagance, yeah no, they can celebrate with their rich friends, but without me. I find it really selfish if they put other people in such a position.

[@intuitive_duck]

The willingness to dive into cartoonish debt like that is a turn off for a lot of people. Maybe even a deal breaker! Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. 😬

[@sayan9566]

@@intuitive_duck definitely was a turn off come to find out.

[@stephaniet5209]

I got married on top of a mountain with two friends as witnesses. Paid $200 for the officiant/wedding certificate. It was incredible. I will remember every moment of that day because there was zero stress or planning involved. Just a stunning sunset on top of a mountain while saying vows to the man I love. We've been together 17 years, married for 6. I have no regrets about not having a traditional wedding!

[@_anna_s_]

I feel like a wedding is a "once in a lifetime event" so it's ok to splurge on it, but within your means. We got married in 2022 (Germany) and spend around 9.500€ on everything including my wedding dress and my husbands wedding suit, our wedding bands (which were the most expensive individual items, as they are intended to last for many years) and us staying in a nice hotel suite afterwards. But we didn't invite a lot of people as we only wanted to have our closest family and friends with us - 27 in total. We also did our own flower arrangements and decorations, because the prices for anything wedding related are just ridiculous. And we also asked for money as a wedding gift (it's typical in Germany), so all in all we spend a lot less then the initial 9.500! And it was totaly worth it :)

[@ArchIVEDCinema]

They don't have to be once-in-a-lifetime. Some people do it plenty of times! 😂

[@kellyl2226]

im introverted so i want a small wedding, close friends and family or even no wedding. just go to a courthouse and get married and then spend time with friends and family afterwards. but a good honeymoon vacation is where most of my money will go

[@tehuda]

I had a very small wedding - yes, the extended family talked about this but soon afterwards the gossipers found new targets - wish you all the best

[@mayhem875]

I still want a wedding. I never had anything special growing up, I couldn’t go to prom or graduation, my family doesn’t even celebrate my birthday. I want something normal like a wedding for once. I don’t think I need to spend $30,000 on it, but my god if I hear people say “oh just married at the court house” and my breaks thinking I’ll never have anything to celebrate. I want to feel special and have photos to look back on and have for my kids. I just want one thing and I tired to feeling bad for wanting it

[@ItsOKtobeNormal]

I don't think there's anything wrong with that, I got married at the courthouse because that's what we wanted to do. If this is what you want and you're not going into debt over it, I don't see why anyone would have a problem.

[@IosonoRob]

You can absolutely have a beautiful wedding if you wish, it's your and your spouse's day after all ❤ The video was just criticizing the impossible high expectations that some people have on wedding ceremonies, regardless if the couple can afford it or not! As long as you don't go into debt, you should feel free to organize your wedding the best way you want!

[@bluz1864]

As long as you aren't starving or getting into debt, I think it's fine. I have side eyed some people I know who had expensive weddings but couldn't pay me back for money they borrowed or complained they can't do x anymore since they are broke.

[@mayhem875]

@@IosonoRob thanks.. I don’t know why I was so upset about it all of sudden. I think the video hit a nerve I didn’t realize was there

[@barose1]

@@mayhem875The general attitude about weddings can be black and white. If you spend more than $X on your wedding you're not doing it right and you're going to be divorced in a few years because your priorities are screwed. If you get married in a city park, and serve hot dogs and punch, then you're uber-wise. Black/White

[@Moonpie90]

I got married 2 weeks ago the money and the timelines (bridal shops and venues wanting a [years] notice for the most part) were so off putting. We are putting our savings into buying a house and our entire wedding was less than £1500, I wore a blue [satin] dress and shoes I already had he brought a tie and pocket square to match my dress and wore a grey suit he already had. We had 10 family members for the ceremony and dinner somewhere we like, then a dozen friends joined for drinks at the pub in the evening

[@ElevenAce]

Sounds great. Wish you all the best.

[@jennifers1040]

My fiancé and I are deeply in love and so happy together. We have been together for 9 years and were saving up for a wedding (for years now!) when we decided to use the money for a down payment on a house and get married at our favorite music festival instead. I'm glad we decided to go this route. My point is the wedding doesn't = relationship happiness.☺️

[@hkandm4s23]

My husband and i went to Vegas for our wedding and honeymoon, invited only our parents and paid around 4000 to a chapel that did all the photos, flowers and video. It was gorgeous and super professional. My dress was a $20 white cotton dress from tj maxx. We sent invitations to watch the live stream and threw a party when we got home. It was absolutely perfect and we didn't have to have the insane wedding planning stress or go into crippling debt in the middle of grad school.

[@elenao_o8234]

Our friends wanted a fancy wedding in Spain, because they are quite wealthy. But then they wanted all the guests to stay in the hotel they chose (for our own money), wear branded suits what they want (for our money), and no kids allowed at the wedding, what meant we need to find a nanny there for 24-48 hours for 2 small kids🌚 it would cost us all together 4k€ at least. I’m happy for our friends, but I would rather spend a week or 2 with my family by the beach in a nice hotel

[@perthfanny3017]

Your friends sound really out of touch

[@lalalabetina6436]

Are they still your friends? I think you need to reconsider 😂

[@elenao_o8234]

@@lalalabetina6436I think they just lost sense of reality, it’s a gay couple with no kids, and both of them making good money working in medical/pharma business, and they surrounded by many other similar gay couple, so they probably don’t even understand how expensive it is to have kids and that people with kids need to spend their money a little more practical. We simply can’t use so much money for a party, because we have other responsibilities

[@lalalabetina6436]

@@elenao_o8234 so what I understand is that they prefer to celebrate their wedding in a luxurious and they don't really care who is joining and celebrating with them. I think we have totally lost the point of the wedding celebration 😕

[@user-cq5gl1ri7q]

​@@elenao_o8234honestly good for them lmao kids at weddings are always the most annoying part

[@FlowerOfNaraku]

My dream wedding is genuinely an elopement. I'm pretty reserved and get stressed out by big social gatherings (even when I'm not the centre of attention!).

[@Elena-ik8sc]

me too

[@the_ash_tree]

My husband and I DIY'ed most of our wedding and spent as little as possible on it, but it was still beautiful. We held it at my in-laws house and got married on their pond dock. We bought fake flowers from Hobby Lobby and created a couple flower arches to put over doors and the dock using those fake flowers, some wire, and pool noodles (I still have all three of them and display one in my kitchen). We got the cake done at Hy-Vee and it was gorgeous (and delicious), and they also did our catering (less delicious, but affordable and still good). All our decorations were handmade by me, my mom, and my mother-in-law. My mom and I got to make our invitations, which is a memory I cherish deeply, and they were beautiful. My favorite part is my dress. I went with my mom to our local mall, one of the bigger clothing stores Marshall's or Dillard's or something (I don't remember now), and they had a bunch of white dresses, which weren't wedding dresses) on sale. My dress was originally around $50 and I got it for $30. There are so many ways we saved money without sacrificing a nice wedding, and it gave me so many chances to bond with my in-laws, my parents, and my husband. Altogether, our wedding probably cost around $1,000, the food being about $500 of that. To each their own, and if you want to go all out for your wedding and can afford to do so, that's wonderful and I'm happy for you. But I'll never understand the ridiculous amount of money people will spend on weddings, even going into debt for it, and will always encourage the people in my life to spend less on their own weddings.

[@chaseatlanticfan6553]

so sweet & creative 🥹 wish i was invited but it sounds intimate lol❤️

[@NickySatiZaizen]

Never been to a wedding before but I think most people have inexpensive weddings. I think these “picture perfect” (literally) weddings are just for show and just for those who’s lives are on social media. And I truly believe that a happy ever after doesn’t end at a wedding. You still have another half of your life left that you are sharing with someone else.

[@allen7585]

Being a gay couple whose families aren’t exactly thrilled with our relationship, my husband and I just went to the courthouse and spent $100 to get married. About 8 years later, we are still married while many people we know who spent thousands of dollars on their weddings have already divorced. We always say it sucks we never got all those wedding gifts to help us get started but the idea of spending thousands of dollars on a wedding is just ridiculous to us.

[@Zm4rf]

For what it's worth with the money you saved you could get exactly what you need for your home instead of 3 espresso machines 🤷🏽‍♂️

[@ambiarock590]

And the money you've saved is worth more than the wedding gifts that everyone else got. You've got a better start than they did

[@mspro9032]

Even if i had the money, I would not spend it on a wedding. I stil can't believe people really go into debt for this. A coworker of mine, who makes significantly less than me told me she spend 100k on her wedding. Now they are divorced! It is insane they literally could have done so much with that kinda money

[@jnnfrcyy____]

My partner and I decided to skip the wedding receptions and, instead, get married in court(since neither of us likes big weddings anyway :p). We chose to invest those money into our new house and honeymoon expenses☺️✨

[@ItsOKtobeNormal]

That's the right way to do it!

[@amihanbyann]

Is it wrong that I just want a very, small intimate wedding as opposed to what everyone thinks a wedding should be? Nope. I still want a small wedding and not stress about it. 👌🏻

[@HeatherLandon227]

SAME!!

[@DillishUs]

Small is tough - think through your guest list very carefully and be prepared to deal with people/family being offended by not being invited 😭

[@amihanbyann]

@@DillishUs I thought of that too. But having such a huge family in the Philippines with a separated parents that doesn't get along (my mom doesn't want to walk me down the isle if my father is there huhu) and all sorts of drama that comes along with it, it discouraged me to get married instead. Moved to Sweden and realized I'm okay with a court house wedding or an intimate garden wedding and that whatever I chose, it's okay and respected here. Or should we just elope instead and surprise everyone? 🤣 P.S. My family (my father's side) in the Philippines had planned my wedding right away once I got engaged. So we shall see if we'll get married twice but if it were up to me, one would do but I know it would cause a lot angry relatives if we do not do one in PH also. 🤦🏻

[@user-deleted]

You can do a small guest list ( no extended family) or a big one with all the family. Mid size is a headache because you may offend one some family members because you invited others and not them

[@maryellen9503]

I've never regretted not having a wedding. I watched so many friends go nuts, start their marriages in debt and not even have a honeymoon because of the cost. For years I've said "people care more about the wedding than the marriage and one only lasts a day".

[@cherryivana1129]

!!!!!!!

[@tigress1699]

This is my favorite video of yours ever!!! I love how you explain how our culture commodifies love and therefore creates the avenue for weddings to keep us poor in a gentle and approachable way without alienating people by having that nuanced discussion. I feel like it allows for the viewer to still have a position against capitalistic structures and tendencies if they wish to hold corporations, marketers, and cultural makers accountable, but the video is open-minded enough that those who have not started thinking in this critical way and feel uncomfortable about changing the traditions they've seen can be persuaded. Great messaging, awesome technique!

[@thefinancialfreedomgirl]

thank you so much! this comment really means so much, it’s great to hear that my approach is coming across the way I was hoping ❤️

[@thewanderingstarseed]

I never understood weddings. I am a hopeless romantic and yet never dreamed of one as a child. I just never saw the point of paying money to host people to see me get married. I married my husband in a courthouse in a $20 dress and never had a honeymoon. I had cash saved for my dream ring that would stay with me for life vs way more for just one day. We are still super in love without debt 14 years later.

[@cherryivana1129]

That’s how it should be!!!!

[@shazee9042]

I had a small (50 guest) out of state wedding in 2019 and it cost us about 30k. We saved like hell and paid it off in full without going into debt, but I can definitely see how even a small wedding can creep up in cost! The word 'wedding' makes anything you buy triple in price.

[@View619]

The wedding is just a celebration for everyone else, not the couple. Don't waste your money on making others happy, just focus on your partner. Your friends and family will be happy that you're married, anyone else isn't worth worrying about.

[@cherryivana1129]

!!!!!!!!!

[@DariaHupov]

We have a very interesting culture in Romania, where I'm from. We don't give gifts at weddings, we give money. Everyone participating must pay at least approximately how much it would cost for them to drink and dine at the wedding. The closer relative you are to the groom or bride, the more money you should give. Given that, some weddings in Romania are investments. Most of the time, people giving money covers the cost of ones wedding, sometimes most of the cost, other times you might even be able to make a profit! Yes, it's an upfront cost, but at least you get your money back.

[@evelynnlove3924]

Yes! Oh my god, I was so confused when I first heard that in other places, you give wedding gifts instead of money. People in my family who got married are pretty poor, but they managed to have nice weddings because the guests basically paid for their stuff.

[@ElaSiromascenko1]

Fellow Romanian here! When I first heard that the bride and groom in other countries have to bear the actual cost of the wedding it was so weird to me. But lately I noticed this started shifting a bit. I live in the US now and all the weddings I went to in the last year or so, there was an actual item in the registry that was a money gift.

[@jennifers1040]

So, I feel like that's what it is now in the US. At least in my part. But I love this and it helps the couple so much!

[@samevans1289]

Romanian here as well. I had to giggle a little when I read in "Commitment" by Elizabeth Gilbert that in some "less developed/poorer communities", a wedding party is almost considered to be a banking system. People participating are obligated to give the couple money as gifts, in order for them to be able to start their life together worry-free. This way, they are able to not only pay for the wedding cost and not go into debt over the obligatory party (with help from the newlyweds' parents of course), but pay for some stuff as well (down-payment, family car, furniture, newborn expenses, etc). In return, the newlyweds and their close family members are now obligated to participate (i.e. gift money) in the future weddings of the guests and their children. It's a loaning system, a community-regulated bank. I got a laugh out of my culture probably being considered "poorer/less developed" (do not quote me on the wording, it's been a while since I read the book), but also because it was the first time something I never thought about in regards to my culture was being explained so intellectually, like an anthropology expert observing us and taking notes.

[@DariaHupov]

@@samevans1289 That sounds very interesting! I might read the book to find out more. ☺

[@dunggg]

Hey honey let’s start our marriage by going into debt… unless you’re Vietnamese, you can beg/pressure your guests into giving you money for attending your wedding.

[@lanbao2010]

When cash gifts are the norm, there’s really no begging happening (I had a Chinese-Vietnamese wedding) We paid into the weddings of others in the community. When it came to be our turn, the community gave back.

[@razmiddle9410]

@@lanbao2010 Exactly! Only people who are purely takers in a community would see it as "begging." If you've been attending weddings, it's just part of being part of the community.

[@VBoo459]

Exactly! We're also asking for cash gifts and not taking out any debt either. Its custom to give cash gifts (Nigerian/British-Italian wedding)@@lanbao2010

[@dunggg]

I'm pretty sure the tradition was well intention in the old days in a Vietnamese village and neighborhood where every knows each other and take care of each other, gifitng money in cycles was a well intention thing. But today, in the US, Vietnamese is all out inviting as much people as they can, most of the time they dont even know who they are inviting. On their weeding they can walk around tables during a reception in a run down Chinese Seafood restaurant serving crappy food asking for money to start their life as a married couple while their bridemaids/groomsman pass around the donation box for people to put their envelope with cash in. But hey more people means more money. Couples are looking forward to "profit" from the wedding. Is it begging? Well, is raising money on goFundMe a form of panhandling? it all semantic right?

[@itsHeatherKay]

Had a super frugal wedding 20+ years ago and haven’t thought too much about it since then because I’m too busy living today’s life! It DID NOT MATTER at all that we had no money. There was a dress from a yard sale and Costco cheesecake and it was FINE!

[@citypoppanda]

Thank you for talking about this! My husband & I spent less than $200 to elope in my parents' backyard. We have nothing to show for it on social media, and that's perfectly fine. The money we saved (moreso chose not to spend) went towards completely paying off both our student loan debt and eventually buying a house within 5 years! Keep doing these great videos. 💜

[@therobotdevil2284]

What's really insidious is the wedding industry has gotten into people's deep-seeded fears and superstitions. I've had many friends stress over how expensive planning a wedding is, feeling like they have to check off every box no matter how expensive, when I've asked them if it's really necessary to check off every box, they say things to the effect of, "I can't half ass my wedding, I need to show I'm really committed to this relationship" as if not spending $29k on a party means you're destined for divorce. Or "it only happens once in a lifetime, why wouldn't I give it my all?" which to me feels like a copy/paste marketing tagline straight from the industry's mouth. I love my friends and I want everyone to do what makes them happy, but if it makes them bankrupt, it's not making them as happy as they think it is.

[@ahstiasummers5583]

Another odd thing with weddings is the social pressure/compulsion to invite every member of your family. From your immediate parents and siblings, to your great aunt twice removed who you haven't seen since you were maybe 6 and now you're now 26. And sometimes, those extended family get so upset about not being invited even though you've never spoken to them since your toddler years!

[@ret4kind]

29k for weddings, and 150k average for divorces.

[@rhh3828]

Throughout human history it was the parents that put on and paid for the wedding. Over the last 50 years, for some reason, parents aren’t doing it. A newly wed couple is going through the most important financial window of their lives, house, kids, saving for retirement, and we have just normalized the couple paying for the wedding. It’s absolutely terrible. I read a story of a future groom being asked by his future father in law why he didn’t want a wedding and he said it was too expensive. The father in law said that he’d been waiting his whole life to walk his daughter down the aisle and his son in law shouldn’t take that away from him. The groom said “I’ve known I wanted to marry your daughter for almost a year now and have saved up a substantial amount for the ring, honeymoon, etc. you’ve known you wanted to walk her down the aisle for almost 30 years and don’t have a cent saved for it. Which of us really wants this more?”

[@technomewmew]

I’ve set aside a total of a $10k budget for my future wedding, though I’m not yet dating anyone, so most of it is in a 5% 3-year CD, and I purchased my home 8 years ago and hope to have it paid off in 6 years. I was raised to believe you can have anything you want if you plan and save early enough.

[@RealShaktimaan]

I wish wedding only cost $29k. Indian wedding would can end up costing over 120-150k in 2023 for 250 guests.

[@thewanderingstarseed]

😱😱 wow! I will say that Indian weddings seem like the most spectacular and entertaining of all cultures.

[@ostapei89]

Instead of a 100 guest 30k wedding, we had 40 guests including ourselves at a small chapel, local restaurant for reception and took 2 honeymoons that year instead. It was the best decision! And our wedding was perfect.

[@georgiannagreene8252]

My first wedding, which was while we're both very broke, all total cost about $500. If that. I love the aesthetic of fancy weddings, but the fact that I know multiple people that have had weddings like these, and gotten divorced within a couple of years, terrifies me. I would hate to be divorcing someone and still paying for my wedding to them at the same time.

[@euclioestsenexsum]

My partner and I have been discussing getting married and what kind of wedding we'd like - ultimately, we decided we would want something small and relatively cheap with our close friends and family there. That way we can spend more on our honeymoon or on the house we eventually want to have.

[@Toidal]

Y'all gotta get on the asian banquet weddings, held in a big asian banquet restaurant that serves dimsum on the weekends. Tons of food and booze for everyone to consume, and all the relatives give you money.

[@ruthosornio7779]

I spent only 16k-20k for over a month of activities (ceremony, 2 honeymoons, and a reception) and we loved it! Our guests did too ❤

[@bysarahalexander4426]

I got married in 2019 for about 10K for 100 people. Costs have definitely gone up since then but my biggest recommendation is to have the reception at a restaurant. We had a Saturday brunch reception at a restaurant that typically wasn't open for brunch so it was a much cheaper cost compared to buying out a restaurant that would normally have been open at that time.

[@bysarahalexander4426]

Plus, if you pick a cute restaurant, the decor is taken care of for you.

[@auntyvic]

Thanks for the recommendation!! ✨

[@SocialMedia-User]

Great idea

[@malvikvran3737]

I did something different for my wife's engagement ring, I got a silver band with 2 emeralds and one sapphire in the middle. It wasn't expensive but it was personalized to her. And for actually wedding rings we got tattoos.

[@forfunsies5427]

I'm glad my wedding will just be done at my own/ parent's house. Really takes a lot off the shoulders :)

[@ViolettCoffee]

yup, I will definitely buy myself a white evening dress (80-200€) and put some cute accessoires on it instead of buying a wedding dress (>800€) 🤗

[@justforsomething]

I got married 10 years ago, I choose a green sapphire as my engagement ring, and diy'ed the wedding decorations & candy buffet ourselves.

[@Erujayy]

its crazy how weddings are handled differently in different countries. Where I was born the weddings were usually half sponsored by the couples parents. Small weddings, in common venues with a little bit of fancy here n there. Theres an unspoken rule for guests to try return a monetary gift for what their attendence would cost, to lower the financial burden on the newly weds too (unless youre much closer to the couple!) To think people would pay so much money for a wedding is mind blowing to me. Theres so many better ways to spend that

[@xemomuffinsXX]

I had my wedding on a public beach, hired our friend to do our photography, made our own wedding cake (it wasn't perfect but it was fun to make together), and had our reception at the nearby beach restaurant. All in all (including the restaurant bill) it cost about $400, and i wouldn't have done it any other way. Spent around 3k for the honeymoon, much better use of the budget

[@thefinancialfreedomgirl]

ooh that sounds lovely :)

[@xemomuffinsXX]

Best part/deal was my wifes wedding dress she got at a thriftstore. $50!! 2 years before cause it was 'the dress.'

[@Brightfantasy]

My wedding cost about $1000 in total. Including travel, clothing, venue, officiant…everything. And it was absolutely amazing, I have no regrets.

[@jmsl_910]

when? & where? (& congrats!!🤍🤍)

[@josephinenelan4204]

Had a simple wedding that had disruption from hurricanes incoming. So, good there wasn’t a huge cost towards it. I would LOVE to have a more extravagant event… BUT for that to be a Vow Renewal after my husband and I have insured we survived a couple decades and a handful of kids to celebrate our love as we head towards our golden years

[@mic383]

My husband and I felt a lot of pressure from our families to have a big party wedding, when we would have preferred to do something super simple and small. We were quite modest with it and it was nothing extravagant by any means. Still cost us over 20k once all added up. Ended up having to cancel our honeymoon plans :/

[@Emanuel_carey]

I’m married. I lost on everything but the diamond ring; my birthday is in April, I hate diamonds… and I didn’t budge on that. Went with an opal.

[@loulysse]

AVERAGE and MEDIAN are quite different. Talking about wedding, the two are very important to distinguish. The average is brought higher due to the extra rich spending often more than double of the rest. Median is the usual price used by the most people. Average wedding is maybe 29 000$, but median is more around 10 000$

[@MissWhiskers]

These videos are always so analytical and nuanced, well-edited and thought-through.

[@SeleneCast00]

Just got married at a beautiful chapel with 32 guests for $1k and it was beautiful and memorable. They Livestreamed it and also included a minute long highlight video that had our relatives who couldn't make it crying. My ivory satin dress and shoes felt expensive but were shy of $200(ABC fashion and JCPenney). I made my own bouquet with dry flowers from Michaels covered by a Christmas gift card we were given. We barhopped downtown and were bought rounds of drinks by our guests. Strangers congratulated us. For $2k more, we had dinner at a family style Mediterranean restaurant that had a belly dancer and DJ for entertainment every weekend regardless of occasion and they were already decorated beautifully. We didn't have to stress about details. No regrets and it was lots of fun.

[@hectorcarmona9583]

I am a wedding photographer and i struggle with the spectacle weddings have become. Dont get me wrong i absolutely believe in marriage as an institution. The idea of two people coming together in front of the people to care about to declare their commitment to eachother is universal. Its an old tradition that goes beyond american culture or in my case mexican culture. And i get it. All the extras are nice but i promise your marriage will mean just as much without them.

[@ElevenAce]

As a photographer i have been on the gray zone about how i feel about working a wedding because i know about 50% of these are just lies and the insane spending is just way too much. It would be nice to get 3/4 grand for a wedding but yah. Idk. I really just want to make art and great photos but i feel wedding photography is really the only business still getting good business.

[@hectorcarmona9583]

@ElevenAce dude every one deserves to make a living. I think the problem lies in everyone wanting to project that they can afford more than they can instead of being comfortable with what they can do. My wife and I had a very budget wedding just because we are not very flashy people. To us the rituals of a.wedding were more important. But we did spend where we felt it was important. Like our photos. I try to be honest with my couples about how weddings don't need to be this grand ordeal and some couples get it.

[@barose1]

My husband and I spent less than $2000 on a wedding 10 years ago. We would have spent less if, 1. We didn't have to pay for a space to have it in (no houses or yards available to us). 2. If we didn't live in the Pacific NW where it rains most of the year so outdoor events are risky.

[@aprilshah7634]

Can you please do something on the push of fashion trends from fashion houses? There is this ongoing thing on TT between Millenials and Gen Z over what is "trendy" but honestly it's not any generations say in what is the new thing to wear. Gen Z didn't decide skinny jeans were out and everything 90's is back, that's the fashion houses who only make money if they can give you enough reasons to not wear those pants from last year. This wouldn't be about fast fashion as much as it would be how we went from 2 seasons of clothes per year to 52 seasons per year, and why it feels like once you get a complete wardrobe of "timeless" pieces you have to start from scratch because even though you have great jeans they aren't the right kind of jeans anymore. That feeling of never quite having it together isn't any generations fault or push, it's just really good marketing. Thank you.

[@TheBudgetSavvyBride]

Loved this thoughtful essay. Wholeheartedly agree that access to so many other people’s lives via social media and traditional media has added a whole new level of pressure to “Keep up with the Jones” - especially ones who are in completely different tax brackets. I’m always encouraging couples to put their wedding budget into the context of their overall life goals and plan. The increasing stats on couples taking on debt for weddings is distressing to see, especially as money issues are such a common reason cited for marital stress and divorce. I’m all for planning a celebration couples can actually afford without debt, and that requires getting crystal clear on the aspects that matter most and being intentional with your decisions and committed to staying within the budget you set. Luckily there are savvy ways to reduce costs on every aspect of the day!

[@jasonandrews7355]

I have a wedding coming up in 3.5 months, and I gotta say, so much of the spending can be cut back without the actual experience being much less enjoyable. Don't want to pay $500-1000 for a DJ? Make a playlist and plug your phone in. Don't want to spend $150/guest on food and drinks? Have a simpler meal and a cash bar. Our wedding is going to end up costing around $12-15k USD, and should be a total blast!

[@stephanielee4312]

I had a $17k wedding in IL with 70 people in March 2023. Everything was paid off within a few months after the wedding and mostly paid through savings. It was stressful but I am glad we did it for the memories with family and friends and because we work hard and having a wedding was a nice experience.

[@joannawalek5894]

Spoiler alert: divorce is more expensive.

[@chimmyspromise]

We had a very chill, intimate wedding. It was magical! And, the venue was free, our backyard. So now, whenever we look out on our backyard, we will always carry the memory of a big, beautiful step in our lives. Still together 6 years later, and planning on a lifetime more. 🥰

[@JohnScigulinsky]

I think the evil of the corporations is not in advertising per se. It's in paying hundreds of psychologists to figure out the exact best way for us to go against our best interest, spending money we don't have, etc. By showing women who've been in relationships for a while some "randomly" selected montages of perfect weddings, they make us believe that this is normal. As social species we believe that we need to show our status to maintain our social relationships. Our brains have not yet evolved sufficiently to combat this assault on the prehistoric part of our brains. These patterns exist literally everywhere from gender-reveal parties to funerals (those are keeping us poor too, apparently). Weaving it in with social media and targeted advertisements, they can manipulate us into doing things we don't want to do for money we don't have. I understand capitalism is here to stay, I understand companies need to make profit, but I think companies should profit from making a better product, not by finding more psychology experts who will more efficiently assault our lizard brain. Yes, we can fight it, but it's also literally everywhere and I guess I'm mad enough about it to type up a long comment 🤷

[@laprimo21]

Agreed. I think this video sort of glosses over the fact that advertising is tapping into that lizard (or lizard + herd/pack) part of us, and also the fact that women are socialized in all aspects of media and social life to consider romantic partnership, of which weddings are considered an inevitable conclusion, as the most important goal of our lives, even now in 2023. It's actually really high stakes for a lot of people, not just like "we advertised to you and you bought an extra t-shirt you didn't need, but it's okay cause it's capitalism".

[@AerynKDesigns]

While our wedding meant literally nothing to us, and we signed a paper at the courthouse and had the justice there say some vows for us, the *marriage* is something I'm deeply competitive about. We got married young, just like my own mom I was 19. I'm 40 now, and we've weathered the ups and downs of life in a way that I'm damned proud of. We've been dangerously poor, we've been reasonably okay. We've made the occasional good decision, and we've made a boatload of bad ones. But we've done it as equals. They're things I'm proud of that, by and large, you cannot photograph. The milestones of us owning a house and taking a photo do not share what it took to get there, nor does the selling of said house and the moving out show the agony of the decisions that lead us there either. Our wedding cost nothing more than a couple hundred dollars for the license, the justices' time, a sheet cake, and some party nibbles, but the *marriage* has been invaluable. And I just cannot convey that on social media.

[@lilianab4756]

This!❤

[@jingyuanzhu2423]

I am actually in the midst of researching how much it costs to have a wedding in my hometown in China, to support my decision-making of where to have it. And just the bridal makeup alone costs up to 12k CNY which is about 1.7k USD, and about one month's average salary in my city, insane!

[@joshuacst]

I just love how 'comfy' your videos are yet so informative and eye-opening. I always feel good watching your videos, great content as always!

[@thefinancialfreedomgirl]

aww thank you!! such a lovely thing to hear :D glad you like the videos!

[@LizLaughandLove]

My husband and I hiked into a mountain lake for our wedding with a few close friends! It cost us $100 for my athletic dress, and ~$200 to pay for everyone’s pack-in sandwiches. Best day of my life, and the few people that came still talk about how beautiful it was. 1 year later, we bought a house. Can attest, it was the better investment, and I feel like I got to have my cake and eat it too.

[@trackgirl71]

Not married yet; but when that time comes, I definitely plan to keep it simple, small, and elegant. The amount of money spent on the wedding (a ONE day ceremony) doesn't equate to the love between the two.

[@memelord3348]

Hot Take: Weddings are overrated

[@appletree7376]

It is

[@TheShuckmeister]

There’s a lot of ways to cut costs on a wedding but the one thing you should never skimp on is the pictures. $2-3k for pics will be worth a lifetime

[@lainsimple5285]

I’ve been married for 10 years and we had a super casual wedding in my parent’s front yard! We rented a big tent, a dance floor, hired a DJ, and had lobster catered for our guests. The grand total was $6000 and it was lovingly paid for by both our parents. I wouldn’t have done it any other way!

[@Claudia-xu3ip]

I worked in the dress rental industry and it deffos made me change my option on weddings. I’d rather get eloped than have a wedding at this point

[@farmb0y333]

For folks who do not have the option of not having a formal wedding (e.g. those with Asian Parents), my advise would be to focus on FOOD and BOOZE and just go with the bare minimum for decorations, clothes, photographers, etc. Guests will not remember things like fabulous set pieces or fancy aesthetics. Guests, however, will always remember that they had a good time if they ate well and had lots to drink.

[@Always_wandering]

I'm in the process of planning my wedding. My partner and I both want a very small wedding and have agreed that we are trying to keep it as simple as possible. There are some costs that are unavoidable as my family and most of my friends are coming in from abroad/out of state and we don't have a place to do a backyard wedding, but we found a lovely place that considers us an elopement and as we are getting married on a Sunday (considered mid-week). Their elopement package includes our stay, dinner, champagne, cake, bouquet, boutonniere, the venue itself, and a little more. We are renting a table, but are saying no to most other things. I am actively trying to reframe the Pinterest and Instagram photos as they are beautiful with several questions. Will this matter to a grandchild looking at photos? I recently found photos from my grandparents wedding and my great-grandmothers autograph book. What truly matters? What is our goal for this day and what will we and our guests care about? Is this needless consumption? Is the cost of this item/service worth it's price to me and do we truly need it? Is this just for a photo or will it enhance the day? We could do less, but we are trying to keep it modest.

[@lb9181]

My fiancé & I will be eloping in a few months. We plan to have a party with our friends and family to celebrate. Very excited!

[@kythrathesuntamer9715]

Have you read the emory univeristy study showing the more couples spend of their weddings the more they're likely to end up fueding over finances and ending up divorced? They also calculated the ideal amount in order to not end up you know, divorced. you know how much it was? A mere 1000 dollars.

[@JedHollisterGirl]

Your jumper looks so soft and cozy 😊

[@ToopidPonay]

We did a courthouse wedding, no reception. All said and done, I believe we spent about a $1,000. Courthouse was only $200 of that. The rest was spent on my dress, his suit, bouquet of flowers, hair and make up, etc. My friend was nice enough to take our photos for free but I sent her a little money anyways. I have no regrets about doing it this way. We saved so much money and the day still felt extremely special to us. It was also way less stressful since we kept it so small and simple. ❤

[@maryamdear2122]

My wedding was incredibly simple, and small. I cannot emphasize enough how amazing that was. The only money we spent was on the marriage license thingy, our wedding clothes (which are clothes we bought to rewear to most formal occasions) and our rings. Extended family was upset but I knew they would cause drama one way or another!

[@splendidJesus]

didn't spend anything, bought a house in a small village instead. I am introverted 😁

[@Whateverforever510]

My partner and I just decided we wanted to get married finally a few days ago! I am just eloping in the woods with my both of our parents and my best friend is officiating it, we’ll have a photographer and that’s pretty much it haha. Our rings are cute but no diamonds! I’m so excited 🥹🥹🥹

[@JantineSchimmel]

We had a very budget wedding, and although I would do things a bit differently now (not trying to do our own catering and cake baking *cough* - that added way too much stress that we didn't need), I would definitely do a budget wedding again.

[@to4217]

Generally like this video! But as you guessed im about to push back on the "consumer responsibility" aspect of this, especially as it relates to weddings. You acknowledge how it is hard because of family and cultural pressure but it still feels SO glossed over. As an individual you might be disillusioned with wedding industry and want to choose not to buy into it. BUT pressures mounted by family in some cases do cause for disagreements, fights, and falling out. Or what about pressures where your PARTNER has completely bought into the idea of a wedding? The consequence at times might be that a wedding is called off because you pushed for an affordable ring or to have a small ceremony. "Consumer responsibility" only goes so far when youre faced with ultimatums from loved ones and people just cave sometimes because it's easier. And companies absolutely prey on this :) so Im on the boat that it is in fact, nefarious, though perhaps indifferently so. Because the companies are apathetic about the consequences here. So long as they make their dollar. When profit is the only motive, companies trying to compel people to purchase at any cost (legally) becomes the game and can and does border into the unethical. And I personally think leveraging human psychological tendencies to constantly bait people into spending (to a point where so many people meet financial ruin) is unethical. But this isnt the fault of one industry. Our whole system seems to support all of this. Having credit cards that let you purchase more than you have, creating a constant sense of "want" with infinite advertisements barraged at us daily, and little to no support for fiscal education. And so, I believe, it is nefarious. "We have decision making power" is true, but its made difficult on purpose. So if you have a community that supports you then its always easier to choose not to buy into these things. Basically smaller community support is a small scale cultural shift which to me speaks that larger scale cultural shift is needed to buck these trends overall and consumer responsibility alone can only do so much.

[@ems49051]

It irks me when people blame the high cost of weddings on social media, because unless social media is somehow dictating the size of your family and the hourly wages of waiters, social media has little effect on the primary expense for the vast majority of weddings. For most couples, much of their wedding budget is going to feeding people who they love and care for and who have taken the time to join them in celebration. In major metro US cities, catering quotes for 100-150 people for a 6 hour event easily reach $20k-$30k. That price includes food(apps, entree, and dessert), drinks (alcoholic and non-alcoholic), basic tableware rentals, and staffing (bartenders & servers). So yes, couples can get married in a courthouse with five people in attendance for less than $100, but there are almost no other opportunities in society to have all the people you love and care for in one place, except funerals. Weddings are special in that regard......and also expensive. However, that isn't the fault of social media, movies, or any other form of media. It's misleading to make it seem that the high price tag of weddings in the US is due to frivolous expenses like flowers, smoke machines, and designer dresses. It's food. Food is why weddings are expensive.

[@oxMONARCHxo]

I had the frugal and more expensive, we got married twice due to COVID. Each had their charms and highlights. We probably would have landed somewhere in the middle of we had had only one wedding. By the time we got to the "big" one, it was mounting pressure to get it over with but also more positively a celebration of coming out of the worst parts of the pandemic and being with family. Ultimately, I think your wedding should be a celebration that you're satisfied with but it shouldn't break the bank either. A lot of stuff I worried about leading up wasn't even on my mind or was less significant the day of. I will say budget for outside help of some kind, having family with wedding duties doesn't end well.

[@jmsl_910]

good tip!! always pay others... congrats to you 🤍🤍

[@ladylark10884]

man it's really interesting seeing the topic of weddings from the perspective of other's. i only follow other artists or people in my hobby on social media, no one i know irl. ive also always *hated* the concept of weddings. they sound so embarrassing 😭 to the marriage office then straight to the honeymoon, thanks 👍🏼

[@tashakon551]

Great point about consumer responsibility. Great channel!

[@KA-ky9nb]

I got married two years ago . The wedding cost £6000.00. Yes family gifted us services as wedding gifts . But we didn’t see the need to spend a stupid amount of money on just one day ! Everyone enjoyed it and everything went perfectly well !

[@Amieeapple]

Accidentally had an oopsie baby with my fiancé before getting married and getting a house and OHH BOY IS IT HARD OUT HERE. We’ll get a better deal on the house if we get married, but we also would rather the wedding money go towards the house. Also not saving money because daycare costs more than what I make, but I can’t afford to not be working. We make $100 over the cut off for daycare and food assistance too. So uhhh $100 wedding ideas would be great 😂

[@stelagirl94]

Planning our wedding now and it never even occurred me to that it could be seen as a status symbol! Maybe that’s why we decided to keep it small and make it super informal (hate stuffy sit down meals).

[@sirshauniv511]

Looks like someone went back and watched Adam Ruins Everything.

[@thefinancialfreedomgirl]

LOVED that show when it first came on and the concepts it covered have definitely inspired me

[@biguattipoptropica]

The whole “just your best dress” thing is also fairly specific to Western Europe, as traditions, superstitions, and culture around weddings have varied significantly worldwide through the ages. EDIT: also Queen Victoria didn’t start the white wedding dress trend! That’s widely known amongst historians (which quite literally prevents academic papers and debunking articles to be written on the subjects, preventing lay audiences from being informed) but essentially people were mad about non-white dresses before and non-white bridal gowns were trendy after. Apparently it’s a marketing myth started by a bridal company in the 1980s. Having a ‘special’ wedding gown/wearing it once was common enough by then (amongst [especially white] Westerners) with anyone who wanted to imitate wealth. Just like now! And, this is just my personal belief, but it’s important to account for how people have always been people when discussing or opposing their attitudes. EDIT again: a *lot* of comments seem to be missing the familial pressure aspect. My husband and I tried to elope and we were essentially coerced into having a reception (and his mom tried to convince us to move to a bigger ceremony venue until the very last minute!). In case you are wondering how she did it (and we are not the only couple with a story like this): she just told her entire extended family there would be a reception and disclosed where the wedding was happening (it was out of town). We were long distance at the time so my first inkling of this was being told everyone had already booked (non refundable!) hotel rooms. Depending on culture, this can be absurdly common and nearly impossible to get out of hosting a semi-formal/formal reception (or cultural equivalent). Some of these comments are waaaay past culturally insensitive and straight to unnecessarily judgmental. Especially given that the video doesn’t go into the severity of inflation or price gouging of the last ten years.

[@biguattipoptropica]

I love that right after I add commentary about people just wholesale pushing a narrative that weddings are completely individualistic with absolutely no meddling or social backlash… the video also repeats that. Everyone realizes we do actually live in a society right? I am not going to become a social pariah because my mother-in-law decided to go behind our backs, and that’s a reaaaally unrealistic expectation for basically everyone, especially in societies even more collectivist than Italian mothers-in-laws. Also because what we spent on our very simple wedding would’ve been less than a month’s salary about a decade before we got married. Ughhh. Inflation.

[@thomasgrob4721]

Depends on the culture. Since I'm coming from the Polish culture, I know that parents pay for the wedding of the children. I'm not married myself or am I planning to, I just know that from my extended family. Both sides split the expenses 50/50. Most of the expenses are recovered by the guests with their financial gifts, if it's not an extremely lavish event. Could I drop up to $100k on a wedding without going into debt? Yep Should I do that? Absolutely not, I rather send a child to med school with the money that $100k can generate in 18 years.