Let's talk Expensive Baby Showers

[@thefinancialfreedomgirl]

Use code CARANICOLE50 to get 50% OFF First Box and free wellness shots for life with any active subscription at bit.ly/48fuMvn Thank you all for watching!

[@kidkat0531]

When I think about baby showers I think of what I would give to someone that’s going to useful for that item. I want to be mindful of what that person would be caring for when they have a baby shower. It’s not easy deciding in what to buy for that recipient. So it would be essential on what to save for in terms of what to quickly spend on.

[@cjp4073]

Theres nothing nutritious a about factor, dont buy, did i just read free wellness shots, god help us all.

[@abrielle13]

Simple baby showers are such a great way to get what you need in a fun way. Some people just take them too seriously.

[@Casutama]

In my culture, baby showers are (largely, though US culture has had some influence over younger people) not a thing because of an old superstition that celebrating a pregnancy before the birth is unlucky. After the birth, it is common that over the period of a few months, friends and relatives will visit the parents and newborn and bring gifts, in very small groups, the events are usually no more fancy than coffee and cake. This way, the parents are still gifted most of what they need (since a newborn baby doesn't really need that much in the first few weeks) and only need to organise a few items (like a crib) beforehand, and these are often passed down in the family.

[@quelquun2018]

When you can’t get a wedding, you go all out for a baby shower

[@TomikaKelly]

It's me. I am "some people" and I LOVE it. 🤗

[@TomikaKelly]

​@quelquun2018 NOT true. My brother and SIL spent $50k on their wedding and $3k on both of their children's baby showers and 1st birthday parties. This is a passive-aggressive ad hom jab at people who spend their money how they wish. 🥴

[@blacktiger2154]

Imagine moving to college at 18 and finding some old pictures from your baby shower and realising you could have had 30k and no worries about food and clothing and school books during college instead of those pictures 🫥

[@goldensloth7]

if someone invested 5500 in 2004, that would be worth 9,093.84 today. not 30k.

[@goldensloth7]

it was 30,000, my bad!

[@TomikaKelly]

This could be said for anything though. Clothes, shoes, dining out, family vacations, houses where each child has their own room instead of having all of the children share a room...

[@azzihazzi]

Not fully on topic but on balloons- I really want to encourage people to turn away from balloons and look for other decorations. I know they are a lot of fun, but as a backpacker I have been pretty deep in the wilderness and had to detangle balloons from trees or pull them out of rivers. At least opt for ones not helium filled and held up through other means so they are less likely to get away from you and end up where there's a good chance they will not be found.

[@carultch]

What alternative for balloons do you have in mind? Standard air balloons that sink from the ceiling? Not nearly as impressive as floating balloons, and the only alternatives for floating balloons are gasses that are fire hazards (H2 and CH4).

[@carultch]

Probably it would be best if people would use decorations that biodegrade, instead of producing so much garbage.

[@biscuithead2243]

I wonder if like they could make something like a permanent balloon that just looks like an orb and the balloon people could just keep the premade arches somewhere and then transport them to the venue but that would take a lot of space and would probably cost a lot more to open that type of business. So yeah biodegradable balloons would be great 😂

[@ampersandra]

Balloons are the worst. They smell. They squeak. They're loud when they pop. And they don't do anything other than sit there. If I'm going to spend money on something I want something to show for it that's not just trashat the end of the day. You can't even recycle them 😢 The draw backs cut into any enjoyment for me

[@andthecrowdgoeswild4]

Helium is also a resource that cannot be replenished. It is produced in a very special way that takes thousands of years to create.

[@binabella9658]

It's wild to me how fast baby showers devolved into a shitshow

[@Tom-bp6no]

They are nowhere near this scale here, I don’t expect they ever will be.

[@lowwastehighmelanin]

I mean...have you seen the gender reveals? We live in hell, clearly.

[@woodside4life]

@@lowwastehighmelanin Between the gender reveal parties and baby showers, you’ll have about a buck fifty left once the baby’s actually born

[@Michaelengelmann]

Really? As a guy I’ve never been. Only “saw” one when we picked my mom up from a coworkers shower

[@kiraeckard7625]

I think it's the same with gender reveals. 95% of people who throw them just do a small thing with their closest friends and family. It's simple cake and food and most people probably only spend $100 total for snacks and decorations. Not per person, but for the whole event. But we see these influencers and folks that 'keep up with the jones's" and they spend waaayyyyy more than that and people start thinking that it's more common because those are the only people who are really showing off online.

[@1barbsie]

All the baby showers I've been to have been relatively low key affairs, with gift registries set up by the parents for things that they actually want/need for the baby. That's literally the point of having the shower, is to help set up the parents for the new baby (similar to what bridal showers used to be, under the assumption that the wife-to-be doesn't have a fully kitted kitchen, so others help her do it.) It's also why you gift baby clothes into future sizes, so that the parents already have some clothes when the baby grows a bit, because it helps them not have to go rushing out shopping when the baby sizes up. And yes, the gifts always include wet wipes and diapers, because most parents will tell you, you never have enough of those...

[@razzmatazzirishwrist]

My experience is the same. Usually a breakfast or lunch hosted by a few close relatives and some practical gifts. It’s a way to show that you are going to be there for this new family along the way. I feel like these fancy overdone baby showers are more the exception than the norm.

[@ogre706]

Honestly, it was a little bit depressing to find out how far people are taking things now with baby showers. I thought weddings were bad enough. Gender reveal parties are also starting to get a little much, and soon baby naming parties will probably become a thing. Celebrating a little bit is a fun part of life but there is a line somewhere being crossed. It's like the difference between having one beer to celebrate or having ten vodka shots and passing out. Except it's our bank accounts doing the passing out.

[@normalouis8593]

I think a part of the reason could be many couples are having children before getting married. Usually people go all out on the wedding first and a baby shower isn't as important, but when that part is skipped the effort that would've gone into a wedding goes into a baby shower. Also, less children are being had, making it a more one of a kind event for some, and for some who had infertility struggles a baby is a big deal that they'd like to celebrate.

[@cmcoy5982]

Extremely interesting point! And if like some couples you don't plan on having a wedding at all then your first child is a huge deal that you can go all out for

[@aprilpayne2312]

We had two kids before getting married but the wedding was held at my husbands work and due to covid limited to no more then 50 people. Our kids got to be in our wedding photos and I'll always treasure them. And I wasn't pregnant so I got to drink a lil 😂

[@shereadsmysteries]

I love this idea! But I cannot tell you how many people told me it was tacky to ask for money in lieu of gifts. I am not saying asking like “you have to give me money”. I am saying like, “if you are considering giving a gift, please consider instead donating to our child’s college fund/our house fund” etc. It is wild how many people in older generations just want to buy you stuff instead of just giving you the money to put away. I don’t want to speak for everyone, either. This is just what I found as I was planning my wedding/talking about my (hopefully, someday) baby shower with my family.

[@haleymist09]

Yep, the older generation. My cousin wanted no presents at her bridal shower (she's very awkward with asking for things. I explained she had to expect it because that's how they grew up and need to give lol.

[@MegaAllst]

yes, I´ve been there. When I got married I just did an "open house" party to invite friends to our new place and we requested "gifts that fit in an envelope", as we didn´t need things, we needed money to pay for services and stuff that no one would give, like windows. My aunts refused and said they wanted to give "something that we would always be able to look and remember them"

[@anaalves3658]

My parents are the complete opposite, they always give money, they know how expensive marriage and kids are so they want to help out financially. My in laws are the the people that never ask what you want or need and gift random stuff that you are supposed to keep. I'm brutal and just say thanks but it's not for us and ask them to give it to someone that could use it or appreciate it. It took me many years to get comfortable with this, but now I don't hold back.

[@DeadShark]

As someone who's not from US im flabbergasted at the idea of a baby shower. I feel like having a baby is such an intimite thing that it should be celebrated with closest ones. Gifts are welcomed, but not nessesary, sometimes just a promise that you'll help them if they need anything means a word. Its probably a culture difference since in slavic countries those kinds of parties (if they happen; except for weddings) are quite familycentred. Loved the vid

[@cmcoy5982]

As someone in the US I will say that this isn't the norm for every subculture within the states. In my area its considered bad luck to talk too much about a baby before its born so I've only ever been to one official baby shower and it was held by a woman who married in. Here its mostly traditional to "sneak" gifts for baby disguised as other things so 'bad spirits won't realize there's a baby expected' nobody believes that part anymore of course but it's a fun excuse to give someone a boring vacuum box that secretly contains cute baby things. But I guess that doesn't make for a glamorous tiktok video.

[@HosCreates]

This is celebrity culture rubbing off onto influencers and people making over $100,000 USD/yr or people pretending to be wealthy thing. not your average family. For most - there is : a inexpensive banner saying welcome baby, some cake, some other nibble food and some games . Attendees usually : close friends, some times coworkers and family give gifts like : diapers, wipes and clothes. some people pitch in together for big items like carseats and beds .

[@tigerslilly]

I've never been to a babyshower this glamorous. These are done by rich people. I dont know a single person who could spend 7 grand on a babyshower, or anyone who would if they could

[@uwu645]

Exactly. I love her videos but I feel like she is trying to make a generalization about something that only maybe 1% of people do.

[@lisahines532]

That was my thought watching this. Also, many parents that I know make a registry so that they are getting what they need...

[@tigerslilly]

@lisahines532 and most baby showers are for stuff the baby needs. There might be some stuff that's not a necessity, but most of the time it's stuff that's a necessity

[@sasamafrass]

IDK I've been to a few fancy baby showers, maybe not $7k but $1-2k easy (which is still too damn much), and these weren't rich people. They were people concerned about the aesthetic but they weren't rich by any means.

[@tigerslilly]

@@sasamafrass you always gotta have those bougie be the exceptions

[@DanieWilliamsRivera]

We had friends who started a traveling clothes bin for baby clothes. It was sorted in 6 month segments and each bin was delivered a month or so before the baby got that old. There were multiple families that were able to use the clothes and the "rule" was if something got too grubby to put back in the bin, remove it, and if you wanted to add anything to it (clothing gifts that your baby outgrew) add those in. Baby clothes are worn for such a short period of time, it got us through the first 2 years without really needing to buy much of anything for clothes!

[@emilylike-the-soup2502]

That is such a great idea! Babies grow so fast.

[@elizabethwillis885]

My baby shower wasn’t too expensive. And I only wanted one. People kept offering multiple showers. I declined. And then when I had my second kid, I said no to another shower. I had a shower 11 years ago and I’m so glad it was modest and fun.

[@Michaelengelmann]

I think l that’s the thing, it was a decade ago. Because of social media, modern social media, it’s all for looks so strangers see them

[@elizabethwillis885]

@@Michaelengelmann my best friend had a shower thrown for her last year by her husband’s family and it was very nice. It was the first baby on their side of the family. It wasn’t insane. But it was decorated so pretty and they made really good food. It was held in a very small event space. So it was only 20 people. I doubt it even cost $1000 total.

[@Michaelengelmann]

@@elizabethwillis885 that’s good but not every newbie goes all out.

[@HosCreates]

I would have loved a 2nd shower - it ever hurts to have another ! Car seats sometimes get recalled , old cribs could be unsafe . my babies were different genders and I had no clothes for my daughter because NO ONE respected my desire for gender neutral clothes from my registry so they could be passed down. I was blessed by 3 mamas of girls who couldn't sell their baby clothes or consign them in my mamas group . But I got lucky .

[@elizabethwillis885]

@@HosCreates but for me, I had no need. People were very generous with my first. And I honestly had everything I needed except diapers and wipes. That’s it. I live in a small house and I genuinely didn’t know where I would put more gifts from a shower. And people still gave gifts after I had my second child. They just brought them after I had the baby. Some people can really use a second shower for a few reasons. But I didn’t.

[@s.gust88]

I have seen many balloon arches pop up on my local Buy Nothing group. They can usually be used at least one or two more times before they start to deflate.

[@gluckwunschwinston5618]

I saw a spot where you only rent the baloons/arches, so they get used multiplie times and it's cheaper

[@thecookbookworm9761]

I’m a little confused….maybe it’s regional but when I had kids a decade ago baby showers were almost always hosted by someone who is NOT the parent. Like it was considered rude to host your own because it was like asking for gifts. I mean I’m all for these petty customs going away but I think someone else hosting the party kept the price more in line with a party at home with punch and cookies….i can’t even fathom spending $5000 of my own dollars when I’m about to have the incredible expense of a baby. I knew baby showers had gotten completely out of control but I actually had no idea people were hosting them for themselves now.

[@flonotflow]

Yes, I also thought it was considered improper etiquette for the host to be the expectant parents OR grandparents. I guess all of that has gone out the window just to show off. I don't care to ever go to another baby shower again, I can still give a gift without someone having to spend a bunch of money.

[@HosCreates]

in my area hosting your own party =unless its a wedding is just not good etiquette as well .

[@biteofdog]

This reminds me of a baby shower I was invited to with only 1.5 months notice (I live in another state), and she was annoyed that I couldn't come. It was during Spring and there were no great deals on plane tickets or hotels (adding up to at least $600) at such short notice, it was ridiculous and idiotic of her to invite me like that. So, I sent her money as a baby shower gift.

[@rosesweetcharlotte]

Do people fly out for baby showers? I thought that was something you did for funerals and weddings

[@J17891]

My family and I flew out for ONE baby shower only, but we are close to that relative despite living in another state. Though we had way more time to plan for plane tickets than 1.5 months

[@andi-mg7ry]

She was annoyed you couldn't fly to her party?!!? Hope you dumped that "friend" and never looked back!

[@milkteamachine]

I would never fly out for a baby shower lol, that’s ridiculous

[@HosCreates]

@@milkteamachine Id only do that for my grandbabies

[@misskekeg]

Usually the person who does the decoration comes back and pops the balloons so they can retrieve their backdrop stands. Or if any kids are at the event they will ask to pop them 😊

[@roadtoantiquity]

So I am in the Netherlands and baby showers are sadly becoming a thing here. The reason I think this sucks is because we traditionally visit the new parents after the birth (whenever they want) and then gift them. Now i would have to pay for a gift twice, once for a shower and then for the "kraambezoek" (maternity visit) :'( Luckily some patients who choose to do both opt for no gifts during either the shower or visit.. but some expect gifts twice and I really think they are greedy :') if I have kids I am not planning to have a shower at all.

[@bonnitaparent1268]

I'm in Canada and I didn't have a baby shower or gift registry. everyone Visited to meet my baby and brought a gift because they wanted to. I did a gender reveal dinner with family.

[@JTheSharklady]

I wanted a babyshower, I organized one myself:) in my home, homemade decor my friends helped with, most of the food was cooked by me and the guests, only the cakes were ordered. And I had a gift list with links and a sidenote “no obligation to bring anything but yourself”. The list concluded gifts in cheap to moderate price range and you had to lock the field to ensure there is no duplication (me the excel queen lol) It was such a wholesome experience to have all my friends there. The most expensive part was using up 3 packets of polaroid films😹 we made 2 photos with each guest, one for them, one for me as a memory and they all signed theirs for me❤️ plus we did an art together, hand impressions with colour of your choice then signed on a big canvas. It is hanged in my son’s room. And hell yeah to balloons😹❤️ i mean cheap ones that I blow up myself lol. I asked a lady to do the decor, after seeing the number i told ohkay thanks no😹

[@bowwowschild]

I'm doing the same as well for my baby shower next week. My mom is making all the food. Since you had family make the food, did you buy the ingredients or did the family buy it for you?

[@JTheSharklady]

@@bowwowschildthe ones made by the guest they bought themselves. Everything else I did myself and bought the ingredients too:) i had to make a lot of options because my friends have so many various diets, I didn’t want to leave out anybody. I did a huge variety of things but i did small portions. We were like 15 people so not a big crowd.

[@ashchickify]

My favorite baby shower I've gone to was Harry Potter themed but is was because most of everything was hand made by the mother to be and her mother. It felt so personal to her!

[@AwesomeA92]

as a new mom I am so passionate about this topic. I loved my baby shower, but seeing other people have these crazy parties made me feel slightly envious. I think sometimes it's like a last hoorah people try to have before becoming parents. at the end of the day though, I feel grateful that I had my sister throw me such a sweet intimate event. I didn't feel pressured to spend a ton and dress like an A lister when I was tired and 7 months along. I got very considerate and useful gifts from my loved ones and felt very loved ❤ as he gets older, we are asking people invest into a saving account instead of get a ton of toys. great video!

[@kundudelcastillo]

Please make a video about Latin american "Quinceañeras", i've always think that they're a big waste of money. And some quinceañeras ramp up in cost even higher than some expensive wedings. (Regards from Mexico btw)

[@cds8249]

I had a former friend who's family spent $25,000 on her Quince. She's almost 40 but not married so sees her Quince as like her" wedding" until she gets married. She honestly felt it was crazy but her parents insisted it be a huge thing bc all her cousins quinces were huge and costly.

My sister and I had an affordable quinceanera. Mine was probably roughly $3K less than my sister because things were cheaper in 2014 than 2022. My mom says no baby shower & birthday parties. It's kinda extreme how baby showers look expensive to have nowadays when I went to other ones many years ago.

[@cds8249]

@PerezAren That's refreshing to hear that your quinceanara was affordable. Yes, inflation has drastically increased between your quince and your sisters. My friend had hers back in the early 2000s and I thought 25k was extreme but we live in an upper middle class to extremely affluent area so her parents probably thought it was reasonable? My baby shower last year was about $400.00 but most of that was for food. I felt like that was insane then I see this video and my mind is blown. A shower only lasts a few hours one day at most. That's a ton of money wasted for such a short period of time unless one is uber rich but even then it's excessive imo.

[@callmecharlie99]

I think it's a cool tradition if it's done right with family and friends and within your family's budget. I personally didn't have one and went on a school trip to Europe instead. Definitely worth it and more enjoyable for me personally, but to each their own.

[@ruz6135]

We spent less than $100 on decorations (the Dollar Tree has more than you think) and made our own balloon arch which afterwards the kids got to pop and had a great time. For food, had the close family make small finger plates almost like a potluck style. Trust me, it doesn't have to be expensive.

[@DJay45213]

This is literally what we did for my coworker's baby shower last year. So painless, so easy

[@dilarab94]

In Turkiye, we never had have baby showers before, people would give money or gold as a gift after baby was born. But with the social media, we see many examples of those unnecessary tradition of baby showers...

[@HosCreates]

makes sense , what if the baby doesn't make it to term ? then you have all the stuff and no baby !

[@kim.e3055]

Diaper specific trashcan is a blessing!!! Parents definitely need it. They keep the smell in and it is a godsend!!

[@LizzylovesLobo]

I was just thinking this! this is DEFINETLY a necessity!

[@lunayen]

You'll need it or at least three years even if you only have one kid, so I think it's worth it.

[@byJessCh]

I do not recommend it. They need specific bag dispenser, the one i had was 10$ for 3 dispenser of bags. And all 3 lasted for about 2 weeks. Lots of wasted money. Now i use the normal trashbin with the lid, i keep it outside of the house in the veranda. Problem solved and money saved.

[@eugeniesh7285]

@@byJessCh if you have a veranda, that is ;) maybe it's more convenient for people who cannot do the same to buy a specialised trashcan.

[@byJessCh]

@@eugeniesh7285 I had to put it outside yes, because whenever i wanted to change the bags the smell was removing my soul from it's body. With the diaper trashcan also.

[@AKbaby89]

After seeing all the balloons in the ocean, i no longer look at balloons and go "ooh fun!" I now get sad. I wish people were more aware of our impact on other species and earth itself💔

[@elizabethwillis885]

I didn’t find out my baby’s sex. So I didn’t get much clothing. If you don’t want much clothing at your shower, don’t find out the sex until birth.

[@oxMONARCHxo]

As a new parent, please don't buy people newborn or 3 month clothes... Had waaayyy too much in that size. A gift card for food delivery would be a godsend

[@anashirinrazirabi1848]

Speaking from South East Asian country/culture here, we have a feast after the baby is born as it’s quite a jinx to have an event before she/he sees the world. Traditionally, it’s also a name giving ceremony and introducing them to the world. We also gift money to the parents instead of presents.

[@HosCreates]

makes sense to me . Who throw the party ? is it held after the mom heals up in 2 months ?

[@christinabarger9216]

I love the idea of creating an investment fund but I do think some gifts are necessary/: I have a two month old and there are so many things that were “big ticket items” or just necessary items that were graciously given to us by loved ones. Our baby shower was very small and a select group due to our infertility struggles. BUT, I do think bringing a little human into this world is more than simply asking for the fancy kitchen aid everyone puts on their wedding registry. There is for sure glutinous culture around baby showers but taking away all gifts doesn’t make total sense. There’s the fear of being a new mom and the unknown that plays a huge role into baby showers, plus the hormone imbalance of “nesting” that I think can cause a lot of the over spending and desire to feel prepared for something so life changing. I hope this is understandable/: I just think baby showers and the pressure a new mom feels is so much more substantial than a 16th birthday and a bride planning a party. And finally, I didn’t experience this but I do think some moms to be can feel their identity is slipping away with pregnancy and this type of shower is the last thing they will have that is just their own. Ultimately, your life will never be the same once you do have your child. This can be interpreted as a selfish feeling (but honestly pregnancy can make you do things you normally wouldn’t dream of doing 😅) but in todays narcissistic society (main character syndrome) I think it can be the result of a lot of these crazy showers. Not a justification by any means for how things have spiraled but just a thought as to how we got here and spending SO much on baby showers.

[@miamiasma]

I had to laugh when she kept bringing up the baby wipe warmer as a frivolous gift. Some gifts (like the wipe warmer!) are perhaps unnecessary, but enhance your quality of life in one of the most trying times in life. With everything going on around new motherhood, if someone wants to buy you something other than diapers or wipes, like a comfy nursing chair, or a video monitor, or a wipe warmer, let them! It's something you might forgo in exchange for the essentials, but dammit that wipe warmer has made diaper changes so much more pleasant, I'm grateful for it every day.

[@KaterinaRebecca]

well said!

[@HosCreates]

@@miamiasma I disagree, I've changed 4 babies worth of butts from the age of 10 -14( yes I was parentified) and then at 25 - 30 . diapers and wipes are essential - wipe warmers and all the gadgets are not . mostly kids just need : shelter , food, be cleaned, diapers , clothes and safe places to sleep and play and a few toys until a year. Everything else millions around the world do without the fancy gizmos and wipe warmers and their babies are fine and thriving.

[@Alex-xq3ze]

I get this and perhaps this is a cultural thing- I’m not American, but I really think if you are having a baby it is your responsibility to buy the things you need, not rely on other people. I have been saving for a year before trying and that year of saving gave me more than enough to buy everything. I’ve told people not to buy me gifts just enjoy spending time with me.

[@beigeotter]

I usually like your videos but this one struck me as kind of odd because the size of the baby shower seems exceptional. I had my babyshower during covid and it was just a sweet video call with my girlfriends - cost 0 dollars. My friend's babyshower post covid was a potluck, I don't think she spent much, if any, money on it either. In terms of gifts - those are usually necessities for the baby - many people make a registry and then their friends check things off the list. There are a lot of reasons why parents wouldn't want gifts they didn't ask for (concerns like space, worries about materials in the gifts, duplication, etc), therefore there is a massive baby registry industry that allows people to specify exactly what their little one needs. So - I don't think it's the norm for people to have these massive showers, and I get the feeling that if they do, they have a lot more money in general and the couple of thousands don't make a difference for them. They likely have trust funds set up for their children or have accountants really figuring out the most tax effective solutions to increase their children's net worth in the future. Parents who don't have this are not likely spending this much on a shower to begin with. So I think these groups just don't overlap and so the advice of saving the money from the party is just not relevant. I think your thesis is interesting - maybe it would be more relevant for weddings, but I think some of the underlying assumptions are just that - assumptions. Also - specifically when it comes to baby wipe warmers - some babies really don't like cold wipes on them when they have diaper changes. When you're parenting a tiny little demanding potato, everything that keeps them a bit less grumpy or dissatisfied is a big win. Baby wipe warms could be a great gift.

[@GuardImagination]

"tiny little demanding potato"❤ Such a loving way of putting it💕

[@HosCreates]

wipe warmers are useless garbage - no seasoned parent uses them! babies get used to cold wipes - trust me! I've changed 4 babies and 100,000's of diapers

[@ayganimkulanbek1702]

Here in Kazakhstan, we actually do just that - gift money for any big family events. It definitely is more practical, and the newly weds or parents are happy as well. I was surprised that people elsewhere even make a whole list of things they want to be gifted. Like the purpose of the gift kinda loses its point.

[@lunayen]

It's moe efficient to give something on the wish list. It prevents you from getting a bunch of junk you don't need/ have the room for, or doubles of the same items. It's also a source of inspiration to those who don't know what to give

[@ItstheGodinme_]

Your take on this matter is so profound 💯. I love these essay style videos Gifting investments should definitely be a thing especially for babies, teen birthdays and newly wedded couples who have a life ahead of them.

[@leesziming3126]

I was actually wondering when you’re gonna drop your next video, you really don’t dissapoint with that juicy and educational content on how we could use our money, love it!

[@Nnya494]

Balloons and flowers can be donated at retirement homes and hospitals for the residents/patients. Balloons especially can be so wasteful but at least with a donation they can make an extra person smile.

[@rosesweetcharlotte]

I never want kids but it sort of hit me a while ago that were I to have a babyshower, no one would come and I would get fairly few gifts. There would ve no fancy strollers or hot diaper bags. I would be lucky to get anything. Was a rather traumatic thought, especially after seeing the huge parties and gifts a lot of people around me have gotten for their showers.

[@TomikaKelly]

Strengthen your tribe and social circle.

[@miraclebugs7199]

I love your videos. Maybe we could have a happy middle ground! I wish gifting cash was less tabboo in the USA.

[@mmc4182]

I’d be so down to donate to an education fund or future kid hobby fund. Like giving money for the honeymoon instead of a toaster.

[@miraclebugs7199]

@@mmc4182 yeah. But thinking back, as a kid, all the money I got for birthdays went to my parents. They told me they were putting it in my savings but later admitted it was used for typical expenses. We were lower middle class but not desperate. So I guess you need to trust the parents won't just take it when kids are young enough

[@meru.telman]

This is so interesting. In my culture (I am from Kazakhstan) we should also probably spend a lot less on weddings and stuff, but it is actually expected to give money that is somewhat close in price of the restaurant’s food price basically. Yes, you won’t really cover the entertainment costs, but at least you can buy what you want/need yourself and save the rest. So yes, money us the most convenient gift 😅

[@michelleennis8195]

I remember when they were planned by close family and friends. The pregnant momma just showed up having no idea what to expect. It was very heartwarming and meaningful. I had one because this baby took 10 years to conceive! I paid for all decorations and my friend of 20 years did the food with my sister and a few other friends. I’m pregnant again an it’s a big NO for a baby shower when I just had one in 2022. I’m having another girl so lots of things will be reused.

[@kiim0]

Can't speak for others, but from what i see, baby showers' have replaced weddings, and weddings were always about appealing to a certain parties ego and need to be viewed as perfect and flawless on their perfect day. Oh, and also express their love to the schmuck across from them for all eternity, or some shit, until debt do them part.

[@TomikaKelly]

There isn't a replacent. Millennials and Gen Z are less like to have children and get married than previous generations.

[@deesmusic9933]

After having a child, my advice to anyone expecting is this: whatever you think you need, cut it down by 75%. Basically, food and diapers and a place to sleep. Go cheap on everything else because most likely, in a year you will be selling, giving away, or throwing away.

[@HosCreates]

agreed for the first year of a babies life all they need is: Love ,a safe place to play and sleep , clothes, food, a carseat, stroller, baby carrier, diapers and wipes and bottles if you pump/ cant nurse, pacifier,. some bibs. shampoo and soap. that's it.

[@a_bit_0dd]

i always found it odd how much someone would do for a baby that hasn't even been born

[@lowwastehighmelanin]

It's because new parents don't have a clue what to get. No one does. It's a miracle any of us are still here, frankly. 😂

[@MeridaEllaSDB]

Because it's not about the baby at all, or even motherhood. It's social blackmail for unrequited attention and excessive validation. While "tastefully" demanding presents of rapidly increasing out of touch registry expectations.

[@TomikaKelly]

Because they baby is considered a part of the family...

[@mayhem875]

I had no idea people do all this for baby showers! Any baby shower I’ve been to has been in a living room, maybe with some soul food catering, and maybe some balloons usually brought by the guest. And the gifts are essential, diapers, car seats, clothes, maybe a crib. It’s like everyone is in agreement that babies are expensive and a baby shower is a way to cover the basics for the first year or so of the babies life

[@amberjasmine2347]

The baby parties are getting ridiculous! There’s the gender reveal party, then the baby shower, then the “push.party” (like a baby shower, but gifts for the mother).🙄

[@Zzz-ff1np]

😅 i thought push party was just a weird way of saying baby shower lol

[@kbwaterbug29]

The one thing is normally you don't host your own shower. It is normally paid for my a family member or friend (which isn't me saying they should be crazy expensive just that it isn't a cost for the parents) we got some things we didn't need but most moms put together a registry so people can get them something they need and unneeded items can be returned as well for money or store credit to get something more useful.

[@realashandaatlarge]

I have 10 children. All my baby showers cost me exactly ZERO dollars. Baby showers used to be simple and a gift extended to the parents by loved ones. As a matter of fact, my last child's baby shower was virtual and came through my online family and subscribers. That was so special for my husband and I. It's not necessary to be over the top but celebratory moments are still very special.

[@WeatherGirlWares]

Baby showers were never really a thing in the UK until about 10 years ago. For me, a greetings card and afternoon tea with the family for a baby shower will be just fine.

[@Ara-ni5xc]

One of my aunts bought beautiful, gender neutral clothes for a new born when my cousin was born back in the early 80’s. She had 4 kids, with the youngest one being born in 93. They all used the same new born clothes. My aunt took very good care of it. When my younger sister was born in 98, my aunt lend my mom the clothes. So practical and frugal. I admire her. No need to waste money on clothes the baby is outgrowing literally by the month.

[@HosCreates]

right?! I had all gender neutral baby registry so I could use the clothes for multiple kids. unfortunately I got lots of boy themed clothing because I Let it be known i was having a boy ... 😬

[@JainaRogers]

I saw one girl on instagram who had something along the lines of if you think it's a boy bring a pack of wipes, if you think it's a girl bring a pack of diapers. She was five steps ahead lol.

[@kirsten9323]

I have been to a couple of babyshowers and they only cost me around €10-15 for a small gift and some food. In my country (the Netherlands), that seems to be the norm. You bring a snack and a gift, play some games and that's it. And friends or family organize the shower, not the expecting mother/couple

[@HosCreates]

that's how it is for normal folks in my State in the middle of the US . we are a car dependent culture though so carseats are a must for babies safety . friends/family organize the shower and give gifts of baby clothes and bibs diapers and wipes

[@LaurenSophie1989]

I live in Germany and Baby Showers are a very new thing here. I am already annoyed by them. The mothers to be are expecting super expensive parties and/or presents. Last year I was invited to a not so close friend. Her sister planned the whole thing and wanted 120 Euro (130 USD) for the party and 130 Euro (141 USD) for the present. Because the mother wanted a Thermomix (It's a portable cooker, blender, food processor, mixer all in one and costs about 1.300 Euros). I didn't participate in this shower because it felt insane!

[@HosCreates]

that's insane ! they didn't want a stroller , diapers or wipes ?! 😮

[@knowledgethuta1365]

Thank you so much Cara for speaking out indeed.

[@sleepypanda8435]

This was def a conversation that needed to be had. Thank you for your amazing content

[@CyborgWolf]

Idk if it's the same in America but in France we have stores that makes list for baby shwoers gifts and you can cross what you bought, just like wedding gifts. It's made by the parents It's generally essential things. For a friend I bought some clothes that was in the list & everybody does that. Of course some stuffs are more expensive but that help the new parents. At least you know the baby is going to be using the gift you made like this

[@vanitysmirror]

Yes it's the same in America.

[@HosCreates]

people do have lists - if people actually buy from them is a miracle !

[@sevenflashowls]

That Hicapoop wipe warmer is great. Warm wipes are so much nicer!

[@Greatmount]

Kids parties too. People in my mom groups were spending $10k+ on a first birthday.

[@TomikaKelly]

As long as everything they're doing is legal, it shouldn't matter whether they're spending $10 or $10k.

[@Rumade]

It's so bizarre to me that baby showers are a thing at all. Why celebrate when the baby isn't safely here yet? So much could go wrong, even with modern medicine. I'm a much bigger fan of some of the more traditional ways of celebrating babies. In the UK it's very common to have a Christening, where the baby is blessed in church and assigned godparents. This usually turns into a small party too, or a nice gathering at the pub. In parts of Asia they have 100 days celebration, where you get together with loved ones to celebrate the first 100 days of a baby's life. My Japanese sister in law did a photoshoot with her baby for this.

[@audreyhuggins8822]

I lost a baby prior to the "baby shower" time, so they heinously trigger me and I do not attend them. I check no on the invite and never look back. I'm not going to give money because than you just have to keep giving more money each time. It's not my job to supplement what they parents chose to pay for the shower.

[@MeridaEllaSDB]

I'm sorry for your loss. The preggo culture in the US is extremely naive and tone deaf. I'm from a medical family, Grandma was head nurse of the OB floor. My mum lost 3 pregnancies out of 6. Sis-in-law and both sides of inlaws are nurse/doc/paramedic/special needs parents. Thankfully, my family cannot entertain this ridiculous behavior. Treating this situation as a luxury cruise is an ick for the medical profession. Miscarriage, late miscarriage, stillborn, and short lives are part of frequent reality for many. That bereaved mothers are less than women half way along is cruel and uncalled for. Thank you for taking up space in the conversation with your comment.

[@jscrawford5795]

I’ve been in same spot. Nothing in life is guaranteed, sorry for your loss.

[@Rose61234]

I agree with you completely. ‘Celebrating’ a baby before they actually come is stupid.

[@cece121234]

I had a super simple baby shower. I didn't bother with a bridal shower. Never had a gender reveal. Kids birthday parties should be its own video!😂

[@HosCreates]

I didn't have a gender reveal - they weren't that big .

[@Kyuuei]

The best events I have ever been to have taken place in free or cheap spaces. All the money in the world cannot create heartfelt connections that make an event memorable.

[@keelyquinn2374]

I do volunteer work with kids in foster care and work at an adoption agency and let me tell you, getting people to give money is a struggle, but asking for things is super easy. The kids I've worked with have received piles of useless gifts at Christmas from strangers who wanted to do something nice. I understand the intentions are good, but very few people need stuff and many people need money to pay the bills or ideally invest if that's feasible for them. It's all part of the consumerist and fiercly independent society we're in and I hate it.

[@HosCreates]

I can confirm as an x foster kid. so many gifts got donated to the thrift store because they weren't the right size or age appropriate. It was horrible dreading xmas .

[@bogwitch2.080]

i've seen a lot of balloon arches and balloon things from weddings/birthdays/showers of all kinds being sold on fb marketplace for like 150$ the day after the event so sometimes people i guess try to get any sort of money back by selling the things they spent insane amounts of money on that they really didn't need. imagine if someone tried to sell a tier of their wedding cake that didn't get eaten for like 50$. crazy

[@TomikaKelly]

Except a wedding cake is something that you consume whereas a balloon arch isnt....

[@shinynickel05]

Wild. I'm in the US and have never encountered a baby shower like this in my own circle, and rarely encounter anyone these days who doesn't have a registry for their gifts so they don't end up with odd/useless stuff. I'm currently pregnant and having a small family gathering, keeping the sex of the baby a secret, and then doing a virtual shower to visit with friends, since they're spread far and wide. It didn't even occur to me to make the shower a big THING. Are the parents-to-be hiring the party planners and arranging these things? Are their friends and family members taking care of the arrangements? Because that feels super stressful and exhausting as someone in their third trimester. Noooo thank you.

[@mollypercocets9190]

Next video: How Vasectomy's Keep You (& Your Non-Existent Baby) Rich

[@andthecrowdgoeswild4]

Vasectomies are reversible. If a male were to get one at 16 and not have a child until they were in their 30s it would indeed have the effect of keeping the person that got the vasectomy, rich.

[@dianaalmeida6790]

You got me as a new subscriber with this video, Loved it!

[@rokstar51]

Just had my own baby shower that my family threw for me, and it was beautiful and did have a balloon arch, but it was for about 15 people and we saved money anywhere possible (balloons were from Amazon and we did it all diy). Plus I kept the registry minimal so I actually got everything I NEEDED for baby! While my family probably spent around $500-600 for the event, it was a very special moment and seemingly worth the money. All that to say there can be a balance!

[@aoielf]

Thankfully I don't get invited anymore after everyone realized I didn't like being cornered about my "baby plans" and that I didn't want to talk about breast pumps.

[@sasamafrass]

I got married over 10 years ago and had an inexpensive backyard wedding and then 9 years ago had an inexpensive backyard baby shower. I never felt any pressure to spend more money than necessary but also I didn't give a crap I wasn't trying to bankrupt myself or my parents. Social media wasn't as in your face with luxury parties as it is now, maybe that puts some pressure on some people to go big and break the bank. Just remember those people you're trying to impress online aren't paying your bills!

[@CatsMeowPaw]

Baby Shower? What's next, celebrations of every trimester? Oh no, I've just given influencers an idea.

[@aweallie115]

I wouldn’t be surprised if they started that. They would be like “omg y’all I only spent $100k on my 2nd trimester party! See how rich and cool I am”

[@lowwastehighmelanin]

Someone has probably already promoted that on The Bump, honestly.

[@june6277]

I think maybe it's already here? Baby announcement 1st trimester, gender reveal 2nd trimester, Baby shower 3rd trimester

[@juliajs1752]

Originally baby showers were a gift-giving party for the parents to get essentials they might otherwise have to pay for. By now it's a party showcasing the parents and that they bonked some months ago.

[@andthecrowdgoeswild4]

Many of my cohort are opting for nesting parties instead where the mother to be has friends and family come over and prepare the house. Paint the nursery. Cook meals and freeze them, set up the crib. Stuff like that.

[@lumine2205]

I mean yea, giving money is more logical ig. If a family wants that, all power to them, but gift-giving is not just about the act of buying something. It can be a nice surprise. A way to show you think about the gifted. For example, my mom made me a crocheted plushie for my bday and I love it much more than I would ever love 50 dollars. Avoiding consumerism is nice but I would not want to celebrate a new life with being this "give me only money" transactional. It's a little too cold for me.

[@ltltornado3337]

I can tell you exactly why this is happening - the rise of social media. I had my kids 20 years ago, gender reveals weren’t even a thing yet (also done for views/likes). In a culture where everything has to be shared or it didn’t happen, people are doing things for the cameras, the posts, the clout. Even if they aren’t conscious of it but intend to share online later.

[@ltltornado3337]

Even restaurants didn’t care so much about presentstion 20 yrs ago, but now it’s free advertising…so many people photograph their food, it needs to be pretty

[@meganelizabeth5553]

Great topic!

[@SebastianSeanCrow]

0:09 never heard/seen fancy baby showers It was always just a party almost in the style of a little kids birthday party with cake or fun easy (and cheap) games where the primary goal is just celebrating pregnancy and getting parents the things they need for the new baby

[@cassiec.4723]

I only attended one baby shower years ago when I was around 10, and it was just a fun little party with no crazy decorations and people brought a modest gift. These parties nowadays are crazy!

[@riak321]

This is why I told people to give me money as my graduation or birthday presents. Those two events were two different dates but close to each other.

[@SunnyLee-s4j]

I recently hosted a $600 baby shower for my friend, inviting 27 guests and preparing plenty of food. My friend used to be my child's nanny, is expecting her first baby at age 40, and I believe she deserves a lavish celebration. But this will likely be the only baby shower I'll host aside from my daughter's(in the future).

[@samanthablount5839]

It’s wild that someone would personally spend thousands of dollars on their own baby shower. Growing up in the church, usually a group of women volunteer to host a baby shower for the expecting mother. It’s usually a simple gathering with finger foods, decorations, cake, and punch. The focus is on the mother and the gifts for her and her baby, not all the extravagant decorations and food. I can’t imagine having to foot the bill for what’s basically a wedding reception. 😯

[@zeesworld3371]

there are balloon poppers out there. sometime the cost of transporting them back to the next location is not ideal.. as some will deflate in the process after a few hours. take from someone who was in the wedding industry for 15 years.. even the flowers at weddings are handed out sometimes as the florist will not want to take it back to the shop cuz its more work for the team

[@flonotflow]

Crazy how the jello salads and finger sandwiches made by the host have gone totally out the window. It's insanity now. My niece recently had her second child and of course, someone felt the need to throw her a "sprinkle" (I guess this is the name now used instead of shower for a child that isn't the first born). I didn't go. She was having another of the same sex, so she didn't need a bunch of clothing. She had them far enough apart that she could reuse a lot of the things from the first. She lives in a small house so she doesn't need a bunch of stuff to store. What did I get her? The information that when she was having a really rough day where she wasn't up to making dinner that she was to call me and I'd have a pizza, soda and salad (if wanted) delivered to her house. She hasn't cashed it in just yet, but that's okay, she knows it's an option one day when things get to be too much. We place way too much emphasis on stuff and never stop to think about the mental well being of the mom once the baby arrives.

[@andthecrowdgoeswild4]

Our non profit orders a balloon arch every year for our 5K finish line and it is HUGE. We rent it. It comes out of a truck and goes back in at the end of the event. No popping.

[@VictoriaMarch13]

I helped host my sister's baby shower in October and let me tell you it was ridiculously expensive. We made the balloon arches ourselves and they were a nightmare! NEVER AGAIN! The worst part is after putting all that time, effort, and money into it my aunt, who was also hosting, forgot to mail out the invites. So we had like 10 people, including us, there.

[@mimigamerz]

in the arab world for big events like birthdays, baby showers, weddings, etc. close family and friends usually gift gold, especially for girls, which will usually be reserved for her as some sort of savings for the future which i think is super convenient

[@FizzerSix]

haven't been commenting but your content is such a solid, reasonable, fact-based look at our lives. insert "how don't you have 2m subs" addendum (did i even use that word correctly?)

[@vectoon3739]

The funny part about our society is asking for money instead of presents to better your kid's future seems a bit rude. Which is why it's much harder for people to ask. I am having a baby shower for my second kid. My first baby was born in the pandemic everything was shut down. I live more than 4 hours away from all of my family and most of my friends. The baby shower I'm planning is a make up for the first one we missed, a memorial for the second we lost, a celebration for the third we are having and essentially a family reunion. The wonderful part is our family and friends gave us so much with the first, that I don't really need anything for the next one and will be asking people that instead of a gift to give directly to the baby's 529. That being said. Remember. You don't have to overcompensate because other people are doing it and you don't have to not do it because people are telling you not to do it. Do what feels best for you .

[@DeluluIsTheSolulu]

I don't have kids and I've never been to a baby shower cause none of my friends have or want kids either (childfree millennials ftw!) however a few years ago at my old job one of my coworkers was pregnant and instead of getting her a bunch of gifts like everyone else did, I gave her a gift card she could use for groceries/formula/diapers and she was extremely grateful. She said it was her favourite gift out of all of them because it took up no space and gave her some financial freedom to get what the baby would actually need. So yes, money is actually a great idea for a gift, even better would be sending it through e-transfer directly to their bank account or an account opened specifically for the child, this way no plastic is being used at all.

[@rebekahmontesdeoca565]

My understanding was always that you don't throw a baby shower, someone else throws it for you. When I was pregnant, my best friend organized and decorated and asked everyone to bring snacks and I didn't have to spend any money. I thought that's how everyone did it.

[@allen7585]

My aunt always gave me a $50 savings bond for every birthday and Christmas from the moment I was born. Man, when I cashed them I was able to pay for my entire study abroad - which as someone who values experiences over stuff - was the best investment of my life. I grew up in a rural area and was one of those that spent my whole life dreaming of getting out and moving abroad. Without that support I may not of done it because of worrying about the debt I would’ve incurred. It changed me in ways I still am learning at almost age 40

[@saramartinez103]

Wow! That's quite a testimony! Thank you for sharing

[@milesph6905]

Girl my tuition fee per sem (non US) is like 1700 USD what do you mean these SINGLE DAY EVENTS cost more than that @-@

[@alexkass5548]

Get your soon to be baby and Utma and also take some of the money and open a CD for them that you continually renew at the longest term with the best rate when it matures. Kid hits 18 and they will have a decent start to life at the least or a great start depending how much you are able to put in initially.

[@SimoneMarie4]

Reality TV has produced this. Along with social media

[@HosCreates]

agreed ! this wasn't really a thing 10 years ago

[@kgrandstrand07]

My parents once were reject service at a restaurant because I wasn’t wearing shoes when I was a baby. “No shirt, no shoes, no service.”

[@SarahHunt]

Do people throw their own baby showers? In the south we would never throw our own baby shower. So the savings from not having a fancy shower would not be in the pocket of the parents… I still agree that we don’t need expensive baby showers. I just feel like you are talking as if people are throwing baby showers for their own babies?

[@CuttingUpWithT]

I think have a nice baby shower if you want one. I am currently planning mine but they are supposed to be a gift. My aunts are gifting it to me. Honestly I am getting most of the things I need without having to buy anything. You can do this with birthday gifts every year because they will naturally have toys and would not even notice for the first couple of years of their lives. I am even giving people the option to donate to their first savings account

[@EmilyS1898]

I’ve always wished there was some sort of 529 plan where other adults could contribute and leave messages of support and encouragement that the child could read when it was finally time to use the money and go off to college. How cool would that be to see your parents friends’ messages from 18 years ago, before you were born!

[@yelyzavetaizhevska8493]

I think that gift-giving is very important for relationships. If all of my friends just give me money on my birthday it will be like they're paying me, no soul. We between friends practice putting money together and buying better gifts that person want or need, than small useless presents

[@AndreaDiaz-rc3iy]

7:36 actually in Colombia for parties like quinceañeras or in general ppl decide to give lluvia de sobres which is basically money instead of an actual present (we do not always do it, bu is not weird to gift someone money instead of a present)

[@yellowflower2838]

I dont think people with average household incomes have 5k and up dollars to spend for a baby shower

[@anettmy77]

I love your video essays because it makes me think so much about investing. Could you give me a good website with a calculator? 😊 Also I don’t have kids, not planning on having them, but the most interesting opportunity cost I saw last year was when we bought, or let’s say didn’t buy Christmas decorations. We just moved to a new house and before that we lived together with a friend and she had all the decorations. We decided to only spend £50 all together on a mini tree (50 cm tall🤭) and other small decor items, instead of almost £300 on Christmas decorations which was our initial budget. For that money saved, we got a minimalistic bed frame and 2 flower shelfs (which we also use as bedside tables) and some comfy cushions on the sofa. These items make such a difference in the comfiness of our home. After Christmas I had the urge to pack away the decorations quickly anyway, so the house looks more “fresh” for the new year. So glad we didn’t spend extra money on items we only look at for 2 weeks in a year. Your videos are in the back of my mind when I need to make purchase decisions. And while I’m not over stressing them, I still stop and think for a moment. Thank you for making them, I really enjoy everything you cover. ☺️

[@MsSimpleMovies]

I never got a baby shower, but I did get strollers and a few onsies. I didn't even buy anything for my babies myself other than maybe diapers and formula (I have a medical problem that limits how much milk I make.) I actually bought both on the way home my third time. Just relax. Babies don't need much and they outgrow everything.

[@Ajg97]

I had four baby showers but i didn't plan any of them. I got one from work, one for my family in state and one for family out of state. Plus one for family in my husbands country. The most expensive one was technically the out of country party because theres was so many people even though it was technically cheaper to the us. As far as i know no party was more than 200$. But we did get plenty of essentials. Clothes ranging from newborn to 18 months, diapers, wipes, teething toys, bottles, etc. My favorite part though was the most expensive items we got were hand me downs from my husbands boss. Two pack and plays, a baby bouncer, and a really pricy changing mat. They didn't want to bother trying to sell them so they just gave it to us. All this saved us so much money and i still have great pictures from it all. But these 1000+ showers cant recover what you spent. I really don't get it.