How Your Unhealed Trauma Affects Your Relationships

Trauma can manifest as an emotional wound, damaging your sense of self in an equally painful way. Unresolved emotional trauma causes you to perceive yourself as broken and unlovable, and you unknowingly carry this belief into your relationships. With that said, let’s take a look at how your unhealed.
“They say that love is blind, but it’s trauma that’s blind. Love sees what is.” - [Neil Strauss]
You're not a bad person, it's your trauma. Here's a video all about it: • 7 Signs You’re Not A B...
Writer: Syazwana Amirah
Script Editor & Manager: Kelly Soong
Voice: Amanda Silvera ( / amandasilvera )
Animator: Kiara Ledesma
KZbin Manager: Cindy Cheong
References
Concepcion, M., &; Concepcion, M. (2021, July 14). Interpersonal boundaries: How trauma keeps us silent. Lifeworks Psychotherapy. Retrieved May 8, 2022, from www.lifeworkspsychotherapy.com/interpersonal-boundaries-trauma-keeps-us-silent/
Evans, S. E., Steel, A. L., Watkins, L. E., & DiLillo, D. (2014). Childhood exposure to family violence and adult trauma symptoms: The importance of social support from a spouse. Psychological Trauma: Theory, Research, Practice, and Policy, 6(5), 527-536.
Psychology Today. (n.d.). Perfectionism. Psychology Today. Retrieved May 8, 2022, from www.psychologytoday.com/gb/basics/perfectionism
Schaick, K. & Stolberg, A. (2001). The impact of parental involvement and parental divorce on young adults’ intimate relationships. Journal of Divorce and Remarriage, 36(1-2), 99-121. doi:10.1300/J087v36n01_06
Sirota, M. (n.d.). If you struggle to connect with others, it could be due to childhood trauma. Retrieved from marciasirotamd.com/psychology-popular-culture/struggle-connect-others-due-childhood-trauma

[@YumiTsui]

What kind of trauma do you bring into your relationships?

[@Psych2go]

For me its mainly the fear or trusting

[@blajiamansour3411]

I'm broke person

[@astalavista5328]

I find it quite hard in relationship's romantically to trust anyone but I'm dating now and with the most amazing person who get my trauma

[@Smartpeoplearehot]

Difficultly setting clear boundaries for me Just last week when i was visting my friends i ended up paying for the snacks we got and buying one of my friends earbuds and a newer friend a giftcard

[@hkajsdfhkdfsidfjsdlkfjsd7557]

i dont have a relationship 💀

[@r.p.7174]

The more people I talk to, the more I realise how much my mom projected so much of her childhood trauma onto me. It affects my behavior in ways I'm only now beginning to realize as an adult. I consistantly find myself asking "wait, your mom DOESN'T do that?" As a kid, she had one alcoholic parent, two abusive parents, and was always treated as the odd one out, being given less attention or importance than her siblings. The constant comparisons to her siblings continued into adulthood. I think she'd be better off if she got therapy, but she refuses to acknowledge she has a problem in the first place. Any time her unrealistic standards or occasionally toxic behavior (likely stemming from her rough childhood) is brought up, she takes it VERY personally. Instesd of taking criticism, she'll bury her head in the sand and say "why are you saying these horrible things about me?" or "you're being VERY disrepectful right now!" as if that invalidates any of what I'm saying. I'm 23 and I don't know ANYONE who behaves in some of the concerning ways she does. A recent argument ended with me trying to calmly explain the problem with her behavior to her while she screamed at me to shut up. Yeah...I'm DEFINITELY getting therapy once I move away from home so I don't end up like her. She doesn't know it, but she consistantly pushes her childhood trauma onto everyone around her. Edit: I also have a tendency to get defensive. I keep expecting people to overreact to things like my mom does, so I always have trouble trusting people to not be judgemental. Once I realize the other person is not going to ignore my opinions, or confuse me sharing my opinions for an attack on theirs, I always have a moment of confusion. "Wait, you're actually going to listen to what I have to say, AND take it seriously? Even if it doesn't perfectly align with your opinion? People can do that"? I always find myself bouncing back and fourth between this defensiveness, and the sigh of relief that follows. People have said I always seem nervous at first, and a little too eager to please. Even my mom has said I need to curb my tendency to constantly apologise for everything. Ironic, given I believe the behaviour originated as a defense mechanism against her in the first place.

[@EridianBlue]

I feel like i just read a description of my own mom, except for the alcoholic or abusive parents (i think she might have been emotionnally abused by grandparents or aunts). She plainly refuses to acknowledge that her behavior is not normal. I thought I was the abnormal one for years for thinking she was wrong in her doings.

[@azzyfreeman]

What do you do to overcome some of the challenges you face

[@r.p.7174]

​@@azzyfreeman One thing I find helpful is talking to others. Not necessarily about the problems with my mom, just in general. It reminds me that I don't have to be defensive around everyone and that her behaviour is not the norm. I think making a concentrated effort to remind myself of this fact helps me to behave less as the "adaptive child" and more as the "functioning adult" Unfortunately, my only option at home is to just take the microagressions. I try not to be too offended by them, reminding myself that they're usually the result of the "wounded child" or the "adaptive child" as seen here. If I'm in a situation where she won't behave as a functioning adult, that doesn't mean I should let myself be dragged down to her level.

[@theladycrisis]

as i read about your mother's childhood, i felt like i read a description of my dad's, except that the abuse was from both his dad and stepdad, and his stepdad was the alcoholic. it's terrible how parents that have childhood trauma refuse fo get help and project it onto their child instead.

[@queasyweasel]

"I think she'd be better off if she got therapy, but she refuses to acknowledge she has a problem in the first place." Oof all three of my parents 💀 Low key anyone from that generation too

[@A55a551n]

Timestamps 1). The wounded child 1:00 2). The adaptive child 1:44 3). The functional adult 2:25 1). Difficulty trusting others 3:06 2). The need for perfection 3:34 3). Trouble communicating or expressing needs 4:14 4). Difficulty setting clear boundaries 4:44 5). No desire to connect or bond with others 5:13 Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. 💙💙💙💙💙💙

[@Psych2go]

Thank you for including the timestamps

[@A55a551n]

​@@Psych2go not a problem happy to help

[@Catseye189]

Thank you!

[@tessagracechase1808]

thank you!

[@niasiamack9333]

I can relate to all of this

[@debbyt.5205]

Can we talk about when people actually leave you? When it's them and not you? I've always been introverted and had a hard time making genuine friendships but when I did find "my people", our friendship lasted for (surprisingly) five months. I left because they showed me that I don't really matter to them (or that's what my brain made me believe). There were moments I felt like they don't really like me. Again, it was the voices but those people also showed me, in their way, that they don't care. Unread messages, ignoring me in my face etc. Idk.

[@Caspiantheimp]

I'm the same way, in my experience as an introvert everyone leaves when things get hard. Now I everyone hates me or wants to take advantage of me like they did before. I have 1 friend who I refuse to talk to at school due to the abandonment issues.

[@relmatheresebalite9230]

I am a wounded child until recently. I found out that I was always shutting down and trying to avoid conflict with my Husband. For traumas it has always been number 3 and 4. I’m glad that my husband and I have talked about it properly and we both are on the stages of healing our traumas. Hope everyone is too.

[@maart9328]

I did and am still doing all the mentioned results for those who have unhealed trauma. Hoping for everyone who had it to find themselves loved and completely healed. 🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@Ominous89]

I've had 2 adolescent episodes. The first one was a broken home, a difficult childhood, and a relationship that got ended by blackmail and betrayal later on. The second episode was the 13 years of depression that followed. This video sums it all up pretty good. I'm 34 years, and I've only been somewhat adult for the past 2 years in a happy new home, after homelessness. Homelessness only resulted in growing up fast, liberation, a serious mental clean up, and a place where I can grow old. But also, I'd like to add some more unhealthy patterns that include this topic; -Poor hygiene, mentally an physically. For years my former home was total mess wich resulted in a stinky nightmare and mice waking me up in bed. For me the poor hygiene resulted in ruined teeth because I didn't brush my teeth properly and never visited a dentist out of shame for crooked teeth. Really, take care for your teeth twice a day with an electric brush, and do your dentist a pleasure to keep your teeth in check with their help! -Drugs and alcohol. I started smoking weed because my mother would regularly trigger me to prove her point, up to the moment I almost attacked her. I still use it minimally to feel better and have a pause of an angry mind. In my second adolescent episode I also developed a drinking habit of a minimum of 2,5 liters beer each day. Result? I don't have friends anymore. Because I had an angry drunk and didn't even remember getting angry at them. I'm glad I stopped alcohol. -Debts. You don't learn to look after yourself in a crappy childhood, physically, mentally and financially. No matter how much your parents tell you that 'you are growing up', while you're only growing bitter and sour. For me, after years of wasting money, it ultimately resulted in homelessness and now a livable budget in a debt restructuring program for the next upcoming years. Having seen how my mother 'dealt' with her debts: sweep it under the rug, unopened letters from plaintiffs were hidden everywhere, warrants from dept collectors etc. Ditch the dysfunctional kid on the streets then leave the country, never to return. What do you expect when you are raised in neglectance and absence of simple common sense. To any other reader than Psych2Go, I can only hope to wake you up with this display of my shortcomings, imperfections and unhealthy patterns.

[@blazingangel3660]

Thank you so much for sharing

[@Ominous89]

@@blazingangel3660 don't thank me. Just don't become ominous and waste your life, like I did.

[@jaybee4288]

I relate much to this, especially the teeth and the debt. Also the rubbish home and the alcohol and falling out with friends and not remembering why. Luckily I haven’t had people treat me bad as an adult, but sadly I’ve hurt everyone I cared about in some way or another. I’m glad you have a home and sort out your teeth! ☺️ I still struggle sometimes with the brushing, usually I am once a day at least and my dentist like me better now but still tells me off 😂 We have absolutely wasted life, but only some of it. I wish you so much happiness.

[@Ominous89]

@@jaybee4288 everybody deserves self compassion and to love the one you're looking at in the mirror the most. Becoming your own best friend. Also reconnecting with my inner child, becoming his new substitute parent/best friend appeared to be essential in my own new healthier development. I'm basically trying to get used to the better times, way less adversity, a social/financial/mental/physical clean slate. And act like it! Don't stop. Because I'm worth it. You're also worth it! That why I'm sad about pieces of teeth falling out right now. I've had the same issues like you with brushing and keeping it up. Now that I'm doing better but still the pieces of teeth are falling out is a just major setback, because I've been brushing better and better ever since homelessness. I've even upgraded to electrical brushing. I almost like brushing my teeth again. The first time I used it I brushed for half an hour with real results. Most dentists say you have to brush twice a day for 2 mins at minimum. If I'm lacking one time, I'm making it up by brushing one time for 5 minutes. Next step; mouthwash. Also, eating and drinking less sugar. Despite it's all too little, too late. The body keeps the score like this. So it was time to call for some help and take care for myself. Better late than never.

[@crazfamily6931]

This makes me look at myself in what my childhood is like. And I'll add one more -refusal to be interact with people I absolutely just didn't go hang out with people because I never was pushed to do it much. When I was I young I admit looking back I was slightly annoying. But in turn that cause people to not want to become friends with me as a person and left me with little options to interact with others. Throw in 100's of events that get canceled for some stupid reason over the years and you can start to see why the kid is essentially a hermit suffering from extreme loneliness and struggles to communicate sometimes. I say this as it basically sums up my friend story for most of my childhood. Try not to waste your life being alone, if people seem to find you annoying ask about it. Don't just get defensive and double down on the annoying side of you. It goes a long way as I got to make up learning how to properly communicate. Doesn't help that I still don't understand my own generation's culture 60% of the time.

[@alinarehman786]

This has been so enlightening in understanding more about myself and why I behave the way I do.

[@cannedbeans2479]

A lot of people I care about left me in my life, either just moving away or just sudden death. I regret not spending enough time with any of them and I still have a lot of emotional wounds from my family's words that still haunt me, constant fighting, unsavory living conditions, and inadequate jobs you deny because they don't give you any value as a person. I'm afraid of just talking to someone because I don't want to be called a horrible name. I'm an INFP, so I tend to stick with my thoughts instead of what's right in front of me. It gets tough, especially when you are about to face the realization that years have went on and on without any friends to help relieve that pain, that and refusing to let go of it still makes you feel somewhat like a child who's still trying to make sense of the world. I always put the needs of others before my own, even with complete strangers, and I do realize that it can be dangerous, but I always feel like it's the only validating trait I have as a person. I'm almost always mute and terrified when a person even utters words towards me. I know one day I can probably get over it, but it gets pretty lonely here with my thoughts.

[@RiptideFlash]

The fact that I have trust issues and no desire to bond that I heard in this video, seems to tell something about me Ig, but I can't remember what made me be the way I am as of currently.

[@DarkS1ayer100]

I know the feeling all too well, myself. Though I am not a Doctor, I am someone who relates to this video massively (dealt with alot of abuse, neglect and had a just terrible upbringing) I would advise asking yourself by looking in a mirror, or even just getting a piece of paper and something to write with, and just asking that part of yourself about those issues. See what unfolds. You do have to want those answers though. I don't know if that will help you, but it certainly helped me when I wanted answers. Nobody knows you, better than you, after all.

[@RiptideFlash]

@@DarkS1ayer100 true

[@MugwumptheGrand]

I started out as adaptive, but my parents would aim for the jugular when I gave back to them what they gave to me with threats like destroying things I owned or cherished (like donating my favorite toys to charity while I was still using them), or threatening to make me (a tween at the first time) homeless because it was "their house." This caused me to "adapt" by becoming a wounded child due to the price of fighting back being too high, so I just curled up silently in my corner. It wasn't until my 30's and after several failed relationships that I was able to start being a functional adult. Even though I'm doing my best to be functional, it still feels like I can only be functional after the wounded child has hid in the corner for a minute or two when something upsets me. At least I can stop myself from saying something hurtful until I've gotten the steering wheel back. I definitely resonate with all five of the symptoms. I've worked hard on trusting, communicating and setting boundaries, but this video has opened my eyes about how perfectionism manifests itself. Now I realize that it's been haunting me every day of my life for decades as a strong urge to wait for the right time to do something aka procrastination. I'd just accepted it without making the connection that it was based from childhood trauma. I've also struggled with overcoming my lack of desire to connect or bond with others, especially when it comes to making the effort to remain in contact with friends and family.

[@beneficent2557]

Procrastination is not apathy, it's a manifestation of your subconscious fears.

[@diversejoe617]

*This is a much needed video for avoidants*

[@TheNevendero]

Hello, stranger. We have the same avatar style. I wish you a very pleasant weekend, because your sense of style deserves it. If you ever want to get married just let me know.

[@diversejoe617]

@@TheNevendero Well I am flattered, tho I'm not an accident myself, I do know some personally(I'm a secure) and I'm a guy(assuming your a woman) but I'd be interested in your offer.

[@TheNevendero]

@@diversejoe617 Okay, marriage is overrated anyway. Let's just grab some beers and talk about how we love blue-flamed letters so much.

[@diversejoe617]

@@TheNevendero Ok, are you a guy or lady btw?

[@ihateflaky12]

my brain tells me there's no point in socializing, and my heart tells me I have to socialize or else I won't survive 🤣

[@Yashuop]

Raise your hand if you've been watching Psych2Go for a long time🤚

[@kissboy_nom]

I’m raising my hand

[@PurpleComrad]

Long time man 🤚🏻

[@matchabubbletea4life]

It really do be like that trama never leaves

[@Psych2go]

Trauma can be triggered at any moment depending on the severity of it. How do you think one can overcome it?

[@matchabubbletea4life]

constant positivity, music and support

[@ashzyx]

The fact that I can relate to most of the video. :) Trigger warning? When I was younger, my dad wouldn't know how to handle my emotions so he would inflict fear on me to make me not really express my emotions that much, he would also traumatize me by doing certain things (not sexually.) But now he's trying and has stopped most of those actions. But sometimes he does remind me of how he used to act towards me. Anyways, amazing video again, like always Psych2go!!! ❤❤❤

[@beneficent2557]

I am sorry that happened to you. No father should leverage fear as a form of control. I have a theory about your Dad. He probably lost control of something important in his youth, so he had to resort to intimidation and leverage to reorient himself. I know, because I went through something similar when I was younger. However, I would never use it against a kid. If he is like me, just remember that his behavior is motivated by fear. We all are motivated by our fears at the end of the day.

[@beneficent2557]

Fight or Flight can save you and destroy you at the same time. As a man, we are evaluated by our ability to fulfill a role. The most dangerous thing about relationships for a man is to become emotionally compromised.

[@ashzyx]

@@beneficent2557 i remember that my grandma once told be that my grandpa left when my dad was younger, so I'm sure that could be why he acts like that sometimes.

[@ashzyx]

@@beneficent2557 that's true. Fight or flight is scary af

[@corpse7333]

Everything happened to me and I can't even ask for help because people will think I'm crazy because I'm bipolar and anorexic too. So I've always had to hide forever and have no discussion with my mother or anyone because they don't understand or listen to what I say. It's just that...... It's not for me. The world is not my place

[@nanaman]

The saddest part of the whole emotional damage situation is that it takes a person to help undo the damage done by the person/people who have damaged you! Ergo the cycle of the damaged people continues, due to isolation; distrust and not putting ourselves first.

[@rocomeesly9513]

That thumbnail physically makes me want to sit down next to them and give them a hug. Looks like they need it.

[@schawnettarobinson8584]

I’ve difficulty trusting people. I’ve the need for perfection. I’ve low levels. I’ve been putting other needs before. I’ve no motivation to talk to anyone. I relate to all of them.

[@dlsk07]

I was a wounded child, but those wounds were not healed and now that Im an adult, I am a wounded adult.

[@haileysun4085]

Truly right! I have got lots of traumas from my mom, she abused me for 18 years, and now I’m still being single!

[@a62757]

The moment that i can't even scream, cry, and get angry even to your family is annoying and sad I just stay silent afraid of what might happen or letting the situation worst. I've done some horrible things along my life and I try to change however something seems to pull me back. If only psychological help is free in my country.

[@Syco108]

Definitely felt a few of those. Thank you for continuing to make these wonderful helpful videos.

[@flaviendarre742]

I feel like talking today, seeing this much empathy in the comments makes me confortable with doing it, and this video comes at a time where i realized i needed someone to hold my hand to go through a relationship because of the different schemes i have been gifted from my parents and life in general. I met this girl at work, older than me, a real sunshine, me ? A wallflower, i don't go towards people in general, she made that move. I didn't fully heal from my previous adventure with a girl that felt like we were sharing the same traumas, it ended violently because she was so scared to get hurt when i unfortunately got on that path because i was scared too, but i was aware of it, and trying to figure it out, she just didn't want to understand that if we loved each other we would have to listen carefully, i still miss her so much even though i understood a lot of things i didn't want to hear in the past, i made mistakes but i learned a lesson, and i want to thank her for that even though she will never read this. I chose to be alone since that to figure how i could overcome what stops me from loving and be loved. The work girl came naturally and we clicked without forcing it since i wasn't searching for anything. There was too much obstacles to take it seriously, that didn't stop me from catching a little bit more feelings than i should, she did too. We had an argument yesterday about the fact that i get scared, i talked to her about my reassurance need and that she would have to hold my hands like she did to know me if she wanted it to be, she explained that considering the death of her last boyfriend/burnout from work and all she needs someone confident about this, and that felt like an answer, the one that i didn't got with the other girl. Eventually someone will, i hope so, cause i want it, and i do my best to be honest about me and my needs. Healing is a matter of time and will, i hope whoever is coping with something like that in his dating life feels it's not impossible cause i don't

[@alirezashah9905]

You spend a lot of time and effort healing yourself then something pops up out of nowhere and you find yourself in the same place then you start over again and again. It’s just a disappointing cycle…

[@maytalacedo2942]

What pisses me off is i realized this as an adult when i sldve noticed this as a teenager. I hate i have to grow up to realize im traumatized by the abuse by my own parents and no one battling an eye because to family it's: " Normal and that's a natural family thing."

[@andreidobre1239]

This video, like many of your other videos is what I will to use for not the present, but as a plan for the future ahead. For the future is unpredictable, and so is the present we live in.

[@Psych2go]

Well said. We're so glad that you're planning to use our content for your future. Could you tell us which video you are planning to use for the future? Which of our videos were the most helpful for you?

[@andreidobre1239]

@@Psych2go Thank you for asking. I would like to start with the videos regarding love and relationships, for I plan on having a girlfriend in the future. I do not know if this will happen or not, but this is just in case fate is kind with me. Then we have your videos involving parenthood, for I am having a shifting relationship with my parents, and I prefer to see other sources than make up my own. This gets us to mental disorders, where I want to see if I have the mental disorders I think I have (again, better I find out from a good source than make up my own). Last but not least, I watch your videos about autism, since I have vrem diagnosed as such by my school. I am skeptical about the idea, so I look online and watch your videos to see if I do or not have it (since again, I do not want to say I do or dont have it without looking at good sources), because in case I do, I would like to find ways to treat it. This is all I have to say, and again, thanks for asking.

[@andreidobre1239]

@@Psych2go For the videos that helped me. 1st video: “These Habits are Keeping You Lazy”. I struggle with homework, so I looked at this video so I can see how I can counter the effects of the very thing making it hard to do my homework, laziness. 2nd video: “8 Signs You’re NOT An Introvert, But A Shy Extrovert”. I started to know more about my social skill through this video. 3rd: “8 Toxic Things Parents Say To Their Children”. I became more open to talking to my parents about the toxic things they said to me. It is beginning to work. Last but not least, 4th: “7 Behaviours That Ruin Your Life”. I unfortunately continue to do many of the behaviours, but I am beginning to lower their usage.

[@thunderblossom8114]

I have a lot of issues with communicating wants and needs and i put my partner above myself. Even had him get frustrated with me for not hearing him clearly and having to repeat himself. I’m only now getting to be myself. Never properly learned a lot of important things

[@nick27march]

One day you will realise that falling in love with yourself is the best relationship you've ever had.

[@DobiDarkoO]

"the truth is there can never be a partner who can perfectly fulfill the highly unrealistic expectations of a perfectionist" hit me hard... :/

[@AmeliaEspeon]

Yep now i understand why i feel so insecure. I HAD TRAUMA b4 but now i need to find where i got it from

[@YOU-niter]

We’re all wounded.. somehow, some way & don’t even know how to unravel this to even begin to know where to start to heal. My case anyway.🖤

[@ahuman604]

I am a wounded child and in a relationship. I do not know how to speak my thoughts or feelings to them because I only think I’ll get hurt or negative things will come as a result. They are nice though, and I want to make them happy.

[@missmelissaleah]

Nice video . voice is so soothing to listen to. Everything you said makes perfect sense. I struggle with a lot of this.

[@Psych2go]

We are happy to hear that! How are you currently feeling?

[@ProblematicHuman]

I used to be a very open heart on sleeve kind of person but now I'm very closed off and detached. A series of unfortunate events you could say.

[@nicholasdoan7306]

I've been in two serious relationships , both ended terribly , and some of it was them , but most of it was my fault .

[@WillowsWonderTree]

i’m questioning how bad my trauma is i’m pretty sure i have trauma.. here’s the story… advice is welcome! i was around 8 when me and my mum came home one night and found our front door smashed and glass everywhere my mum grabbed me and shoved me in the car. we drove a little down the street and called the police.. they didn’t come…(someone did but the police came 3 days later!!) we stayed in a hotel that night my dad came too as he was at work when me and my mum got home we stayed in the hotel 3 days and when we had to go home i was scared and cried begging not to go back but we couldn’t stay in a hotel forever so we went home.. i wouldn’t go anywhere by myself for years EVEN THE BATHROOM!! i’m now a teenager and this fear still looms behind me. if i hear any unusual noises i hide.. if i need to go somewhere threw the house i run worried someone is there.. if i see a weird shadow that slightly resembles a human in the house i runaway to my safe spot and hide for a good 5 minutes.. i sleep fully under the pillows and blankets so i won’t be seen.. writing this makes me realise how bad this sounds 😅

[@moonfall5165]

Dear phy2go viewers. If you are going through a difficult time in your life then please read through the rest of my message to you. Just because someone else's problems are worse than yours doesn't mean your problem doesn't hurt. With every problem comes hurt beyond anyone's understanding unless they have been in your head and gone through the same trauma that you have. With every life come love joy and happiness, but it also brings sadness loss and depression. Remember that you are important and you need to keep going because there is someone out there that needs you. I love the sun, but things don't grow because of the sun You have to have some rain. And you've got to stop looking at rain as something bad. My greatest moments don't come from my greatest moments, my greatest moments come from my greatest defeat. Because it was in my defeat when I had to find a way to get back up. Life thought I had me twisted, life thought for a moment it had broken me. We may not be phenomenally skilled. But we are phenomenally strong-willed and I will not give up. And neither should.

[@nikagantar2699]

in school i many times dissociate and get lost in who i should or shouldnt talk to or they might reject me

[@InK-Korps]

My relationships are so instable. When it comes to other people, I always think " You make them laugh, then you never get news from them. Next day, next time, you make them laugh, etc... ". Trusting others ? Yeah, but no. I don't want to trust others. When you feel like you NEED to beg for other's attention in ALL your relationship, just no. Recently I found out that I might be a borderline personality. You know, I tried to explain to people around me how I feel and stuff, to my so called friends and family. Yet, yeah, that's not their problem, so why they would care about it ? That kind of thing doesn't help, it just make you feel like you're worthless. If a human could live alone without any mental consequences, would be the first in line.

[@indridcold8433]

My unhealed trama protects me from a similar situation happening to me again. I keep my guard up, stay quiet, wear bland clothing, drive a very old car, and have no friends, nor a girlfriend. This I'll assure that absolutely nobody will take any sort of interest in me, rather for a genuine amicable or amorous relationship, or a social predator looking for someone to take all they can from the person that let's their guard down to receive their fake love. With nobody in my life, it is 100% impossible for a repeat of unhealed trama happening to me again. Whenever I feel I may want a friend or a girlfriend, I just remember what happened to me last time. That unhealed trama then instantly reminds me that I want no fiends nor a girlfriend.

[@allidacinnabun9561]

Recently my dad has been yelling at me a lot recently for nothing at all and today he hasn’t said a word to me. He yelled at me for yelling at my sister after I got frustrated and then yelled at me for walking into the living room and asking why my youngest sister was watching my favorite movie without me. I cried so much that day and it reminded me of when he screamed at me for not wanting to be in a spelling bee and stuff and ignored me for a week. The one time he yelled at me so hard he told me directly he was going to ignore me because I was putting away my iPad before going to bed and he thought I was on it. Also I was talking to myself and repeating a list to myself and he thought I was on the phone. When we argue I yell back because he never shuts up long enough for me to explain myself or try and defend myself and he ends up calling me a liar and shutting me out. This man has been my only father since my mom got married to him and he swore to be my father to my face. Now he’s acting like someone I don’t know. It’s probably my fault anyway since I yell at everyone when I get frustrated and can’t control my emotions. I have the feeling everyone in my family hates me now and I can’t be happy. And behind my back my dad calls me things I don’t like and it hurts. It hurts not being able to speak up to him because as soon as I talk he gets angry. I just want a father who cares and doesn’t shut me out. I can’t share any of my fun topics to him cause he tells me he’s not interested or it’s dumb. I try to show people what I’m happy about and they ignore me and it makes me sad. I haven’t even seen my real dad in forever ever since he grabbed my foot and slammed me onto the ground and now I find out he’s hospitalized so. Also my grandma on his side is manipulating my mom and it’s really hard. But at the end of the day as my dad says my feelings don’t matter and it’s my fault the family is breaking. Just two days ago my youngest sister came up to me and said “Your glad you left the garage while you could. Daddy said something not nice about you.” And I responded with “Of course he did”. He’s not the loving father I used to know. Sorry if this made no sense it’s like 11:00 at night and I’m really tired and I’m crying to much and can’t see

[@Bakie24]

My dad is a terrible person, too. I remember dad would not talk to me for hours because i was annoyed with him. I cried every day because I knew my father was never going to love me.

[@Bakie24]

I wish I had a dad genuine love me instead always to prove myself that i am not useless to him.

[@krab6775]

I relate a lot to #3 and #5 . I struggle a lot with dissasociating almost every day, i never feel like i belong in my own body. I never feel seen or understood, not even by my friends. :(

[@katsukibakugo1569]

As an adolescent I had my mother who is always strict at academics we don't talk too much through years I keep pushing myself to get to the top of the class this leaves me push me to the edge a lot of times luckily I have the school psychiatrist helping me recover from intense school burnout and depression even I still have my mother, who is close-minded.

[@choieun-ha]

This channel is therapy for me ❤ thank u so much 💜

[@sophiaquinn]

Ima adaptive child bc today I was cleaning with my dad and I was so tired of cleaning that when I was so annoyed of the music that he was putting on while I was cleaning I couldn’t help it I felt weak and non emotional 🖤 and like my dad yells at me I have related on this one but when I was so mad he yelled really loud I wasn’t even screaming at him like what the heck the Manager can hear us next door we lived in a apartment and like I yelled at him back and then we agreed then after it was over I was kinda crying my eyes where really really blurry and I felt even more weak like I couldn’t do anything about it no one to help me…..I felt like I was at a prison and people telling me what to do Ik I’m wrong but we’d have to do everything over and over AND OVER!! I’m tired!! And then my friends that I text on my phone is that they would just tell me to do something or a favor for them and I try not to be mean bc we’ll there good friends and I don’t want to make them feel bad just like I am….so I did it anyways I hope you understand…….😞

[@sophiaquinn]

Sorry if I’m wrong idk what is happening my mom left us and my dad has a stroke

[@meggrotte4760]

Damn this video minus will be my life. I learned that my voice has no power. I learned that what I think and what I feel is pointless

[@DjBonds-qn7ej]

❤I hope ADAPTIVE BUT NOT ALL THE TIME.. I'M STILL HEALING 😢😢😢4/22/2023

[@DjBonds-qn7ej]

MAYBE 🤔 FUNCTIONAL ADULT TOO❤

[@froge9843]

I opened up to my therapist about how my father threatens, guilt-trips and shames me when I stand up for myself and he tries to manipulate me into believing his beliefs which are mostly conspiracies or discriminative ideas. My therapist said that this is abuse and that she is obliged to talk to my parents or the family helper and I am afraid of how my father will react. I feel like I betrayed him and I am going to ruin his life but this can't continue because he has been ruining mine. Just in moments when he is not abusive I regret ever opening up and I can't decide if this is because of the manipulation or if I actually did the wrong thing. Sorry if I misused some terms, english is not my first language and I'm not sure if i translated them correctly.

[@JayTheGoatLord552]

I find it hard to connect with people because im in a position where i cant be myself I dont trust others to keep my secrets so i act closed off for fear of the real me getting out and ruining my homelife Its really hard as if i had good friends i'd have the support to leave that environment but bonds are hard to form and i often find i invest and expect far too much from friendships They aren't a replacement for the family i should have had

[@beneficent2557]

Love is an ephemeral neurochemical state. Trauma is too.

[@clayehe2912]

i avoid everyone so no one can hurt me and its working 😍😍😍😍

[@jjaa_joyjoyartist]

I've been alienating my friends and at first I thought I was wierd and stubborn to do so and I've been avoiding reconnecting because i genuinely believe they'd be better off without me. But now I think it might be my trauma trying to trick me again

[@Zurek_Cus_Yea]

I relate to the last one a lot, i was left alone a lot as a child and i had 2 times that i won't talk about, and now i just *want* to be left alone. I don't need any friends because how i see it is that everyone hates me, so i might as well just not try. Whats the point in trying if you're just going to fail when you try?

[@Officialtrancyhive_edits1889]

I unfortunately relate to a lot of these things.

[@itSinger]

I relate to all these points 💔💔

[@riweyishere3145]

hi

[@Reckund]

No.

[@Smartpeoplearehot]

Hi- no.

[@Reckund]

@@Smartpeoplearehot No.

[@Pault3788]

Definitely had trauma when I was young,which might be why I never had a relationship,and became a loner

[@michaellai5549]

yes, totally

[@Mur-zoUxw]

As of now, I can relate to the functional adult (despite the failures it had) and the difficulty setting boundaries. In the Philippines, some of my relatives ask me if I have a girlfriend, to which I do not. Well, they can ask you awkward and personal questions many times. Really, that is already bothering me.

[@benleonheart]

5:31 - I was watching this while listening with headphones on, and this took me by surprise... I think it's pronounced See hrotah , S(c)erota is... something else where I hail from 🇭🇳💀

[@lovewarrior0210]

I subscribed to you a couple of days ago...and in this short period of time you have helped me a lot... thank you❤️

[@Psych2go]

Welcome! Thank you for joining us. We want to ask, what type of videos did you find most helpful from us?

[@lovewarrior0210]

@@Psych2go Mostly the videos about trauma, relationships , emotions and love/ crushes...and that video about creativity burnout was actually very helpful !!

[@rikitikitavatiki]

I sure wish I had someone to help me through my trauma... but I know that's too big an ask. Why would anyone want to put up with me when they can spend time with someone who *isn't* broken instead? Fighting it alone is very hard... but it's not like I have a choice. So on I go.

[@Psych2go]

Thank you for sharing your honest feeling with us. While we may believe that we are a burden to others, the people in our lives may not think so. We want to ask, do you have people in your life that you're close to that you can share your difficulties with?

[@rikitikitavatiki]

@@Psych2go I'd be lying to say I didn't have anyone at all I could talk to, but the truth is that I don't want to bring it up with them. They have their own problems! They don't need to deal with mine. And it's not like they have the power to fix anything. It's not like saying anything will make the trauma not happen. I'm carrying that weight no matter what I do.

[@kadag10]

It seems you see yourself like a burden on others, and that you have to work thru things alone, but i guess i just said something pretty obvius "._.) you can't try to go to therapy?

[@rikitikitavatiki]

@@kadag10 Of course I can, but it can be hard to find a therapist that both understands you *and* takes your health insurance. The *real* fun is when you are actually making progress and they stop taking your health insurance - forcing you to start the cycle over again.

[@LLA1T]

I have to look at it in this manner, because it make sense to me. Im the 4th born out of 6/ 5 boys/ 1 girl. M.E.R and I brought 5 kids into this world. I knew nothing about babies and as soon as he was born 5 months later I went in 05/05/1999 to the Drill Academy Boot Camp for 6 months and it was pure torture. So i got out on my dads BDay i saw my son he was much big (Good Started Baby Formula) jrt 98 my i was struggling but learning how to take care of a baby (emt 01 with daughter i was a little better but it was different still learning (ast 04 by the time my other daughter i got better with the baby part but now you have bigger kids so it was more stressful working up at night and ima people pleaser so it was taking its toll on me when (jat when my other son came in 07 cooking cleaning washing clothes doing my best in helping with homework getting worse on the drinking alcohol and Jacob is the 4th born life by this point was out of control for me so i can see maybe some neglecting that i might of endured but I don’t recall but only one thing an Onion my dad asked if I wanted some to me it looked like an apple so i took a bite a big one I couldn’t swallow it but i was told over over again to swallow i couldn’t until I had to spit it out I felt real bad

[@EmiMakesStuff]

omroi

[@norlaavi]

Wait why are the comments 1 month ago?

[@maureendrozda9960]

Yep!...😥....Thanks!😊

[@Psych2go]

Your welcome! What did you learn from this video?

[@maureendrozda9960]

@@Psych2goa lot of what has kept me from a fulfilling 💞relationship & why I get so defensive....untangling it is very helpful

[@alea4921]

Yes exactly!!!

[@phoenixangelascensiontarot5840]

trauma, and love both sound like they are both blind especially the love, because that word does not make sense or compute with me in my life !!!😶😶😶

[@whentheimposterissus8376]

Adaptive child.

[@l_rizz384]

Thanks for this video😢

[@Psych2go]

Thank you for watching! What did you think of the video?

[@NebirosVT]

Trust is the same thing as reliance. All creatures need to obey; no-one can survive without trusting someone. Someone they feel is better; more worthy than themselves. To avoid that responsibility, those who are worthy look even higher searching for more superior beings, and those superiors do the same, looking for even stronger individuals they can believe in. That is how kings are created and how gods are born.

[@thelastdaybreathinginetern1385]

#5 I related to

[@BELLX9]

Wounded

[@starteamplus]

Will this is my life and me in relationship.

[@bakugokatsuki1257]

I relate to number 4 but dont have any trauma- any help with figuring this out?

[@artsydog]

relate to all of them 🥲

[@Aurynn_1213]

I am realting almost all of them and I think I need professional help about my psychology. I am telling my mom but she doesn t really have time Ig...

[@briangrussing9327]

Wow...

[@kawadabros6468]

I always want to break up fights but always find it hard

[@Psych2go]

Do you mean fights between you and someone else or with people around you?

[@kawadabros6468]

People around me

[@wabbahabba]

I literally have almost all of the symptoms listed in this video. 🫠

[@Falkite]

IS THAT AN OMORI REFERENCE?!?!!?!??!

[@Teeteebearx]

Wounded

[@kenrickbautista6141]

I never once been in a real relationship, but I have suffered a lot of wounds.

[@Wissalune]

Same

[@Psych2go]

What are some of the biggest wounds you been through?

[@kenrickbautista6141]

@@Psych2go more psychological than physical. Let's just say words (and actions) hurt.

[@rohan5431]

@@Psych2go death of my father .

[@demonfox132]

Same. In my case it was constand bullying where no one, not even teachers, were really helping. I turn my sadness into aggression and never let my gard down, wich is probably the reason I never was in a realytionship.

[@Riddickisawesome101]

I’m an adaptive child to a T. My father and stepmother were very emotionally abusive, and I would yell back to defend myself, but it led to me continuing it as an adult, using anger to express my needs and having trouble putting up boundaries because my parents never respected my boundaries, such as barging in my door, reading my diary, deciding many major aspects of my life for me instead of allowing me to do that myself. I’m very fortunate to have a partner who loves and understands me as I am, but she doesn’t deserve for me to be angry at her because she tries as hard as she possibly can to make me happy. Like in the video, I also have trust issues because my parents and extended family turned their backs on me, so I feel like everyone who says they love me will betray me. Part of me is scared to put all my trust in my partner, but she asked if I could try to take her word more often. I love her and want to. We’ve been together for over a year, and she hasn’t lied to me yet, so I will put my trust in her. Instead of reacting with anger, I’m learning to take deep breaths instead in the moment or finding personal space to decompress

[@Prod_by_proto]

Soooo.... adap? /j

[@DeRez19]

You found a VERY good partner amongst all of that nonsense. I feel bad yet happy for you! Keep up the grind 👑

[@kadag10]

Good work you 2!

[@amberstiefel9748]

I'm sorry your family environment wasn't more supportive of growth. It sounds like your partner really cares about you. Having someone to encourage you along a path that is mutually healing seems like the ideal dynamic for difficult and deeply engrained patterns of emotional and behavioral reactivity. I am not a therapist but I think that since we cannot get rid of our past the best approach is to face it in the company of people that have demonstrated that they are trustworthy.

[@urbainchic3975]

Fear, depression, and trauma are loyal friends to each other. The traumatic memory causes us to collapse psychologically, so we fear for what is to come. So... the past kills the present to stain the future with its blood

[@Smartpeoplearehot]

Here's the timestamps :D *The Three Parts of You* 1:00 1. Wounded Child 1:45 2. Adaptive Child 2:26 3. Functional Adult *How Unhealed Traumas Create Negative Patterns in Relationships* 3:06 1. Difficulty Trusting Others 3:34 2. The Need For "Perfection" 4:17 3. Trouble Communicating or Expressing Needs 4:43 4. Difficultly Setting Clear Boundaries 5:14 5. No Desire to Connect or Bond with Others I finally was early enough to do these 😎✌

[@Psych2go]

Why do you think its so hard to trust people?

[@Pen2Paper749]

Cause of our defense mechanism and their behaviour

[@Yukiyusitzmeh]

Thx! :D

[@Grimmy9938]

@@Psych2go because if someone broke your trust in the past you always have that fear that I will happen again but from the people you trust the most, at least that’s how I feel 😞

[@pink_sky_morning4842]

@@Grimmy9938 this is so true though,, i believe that’s where my trust issues stem from

[@kyaralugo6287]

I love you guys so much I’ve been watching you guys for about 1 1/2 years know you guys always help me understand and give me a different prospective thank y’all for doing what you do ❤

[@fredrick-jr1qi]

They’ve also given me a broader perspective on the world too as well as people and now I don’t feel so alone all the time either which is nice

[@Psych2go]

Thank you so much for staying with us for that long! What do you enjoy the most about our content?

[@Smartpeoplearehot]

Wounded Children Rise 😔✊

[@Psych2go]

What advice would you give someone who has trauma?

[@fredrick-jr1qi]

One of the biggest issues that I have is opening up to people it’s because people won’t understand the things I’ve been through or the way I feel about things that might not mean anything to them but when I do sometimes people just dismiss the things I say and are like it’s all in your head or they just don’t believe me when i tell them what I’ve been through or they just don’t listen so I just kind of stopped telling people things but I am trying to get better and I am making progress with the help of Psych2go help

[@Psych2go]

Thank you for sharing your personal experience with us. We're so glad that you're making progress with the content we make! We want to ask, what are some things that you're doing to take care of yourself?

[@Nyxkoo]

Mine is the same but I also tend to talk ab my problems a lot which pisses ppl off, I made friends and it was a tragic experience and also a trauma that I still carry

[@oliviaaziz6388]

I just realized that I’ve let 3 parts living my life that act like the 3 parts you mentioned sometimes. I call it rational brain, (functional adult) irrational brain, (adaptive child) and unwanted thoughts (wounded child). I think these are extensions of the 3 parts (in my mind) since I’ve already looked at the three, and the 3 I’m talking about are representing them in different ways. I also have 3 parts I think of when I think of my brain. Rational, irrational, and the last part that’s confused about everything but wants to help anyone.

[@Galatorm]

I will not talk about my past (again) as I've done so enough in the past, and at this point it would only serves to fill a "pity gauge" I don't need anymore. But I will say that your channel is very helpful, and that I've never met anyone that wouldn't benifit from watching at least one of your video. Please keep up this good work. Not everyone that you help say it out loud.

[@funnytv-1631]

Have you ever seen an overgrown plant with its branches growing wild? the reason you begin with just one habit is to fortify your center first. Thicken your trunk to build the strongest foundation possible. After solidifying one habit, you do not suddenly branch out in dozens. No. You choose only one more to add. Nourish it. Be patient, no matter how long it takes. You are choosing the direction of how you will grow. You are sculpting the limbs of your tree. And it is beautiful.

[@erikawithee]

I was psychologically abused so badly as a child and adult Now healing from the trauma that has been done to me and my son we are getting help with the trauma of his father

[@Psych2go]

Thank you for sharing something so personal with us. How are you doing now? Are you and your son finding the healing that you both need? What do you think has been the most helpful during this healing process?

[@xav9156]

I cannot allow my self to get hurt again. Arguments were not allowed with my parents. My boundaries were disregarded. Avoid closeness with others to protect myself.

[@Psych2go]

Thank you for sharing your personal experience with us. We sincerely hope that you can open yourself up to others and feel close to people again. In your opinion, what do you think is the main reason why you would prefer to protect yourself by avoiding closeness than to form relationships with others?

[@xav9156]

@@Psych2go Thanks for reaching out. In my opinion I choose to isolate because; I am a people pleaser, a doormat without boundaries, I cannot advocate for myself, I have a tough time saying no, I have unrealistic expectations in a relationship and live a life in limerence, I freeze and I fawn. When I interact with others; I feel that I have to perform, It is exhausting. I felt very much at peace during the pandemic...Regards X

[@The_Sonic_FR_23]

Well, I would say that those three parts are running my life some at a time, but I think the one who runs it most is the wounded child part. As a child in a family who does not care about the emotional field at all, and just want their child to grow up and accept that the world sucks and that no one is ever really gonna care for you "like they do", I do not really think I have much of a possibility to get help. I honestly cannot tell anymore which parts of my life got me my traumas, because everything is a foggy mess out of trying to forget. Trust difficulties, trouble expressing, and no desire of bonds are the most prevalent, the need for perfection also exists, as my father demands perfection even thought he himself does not realize it, but that is only for myself, not towards others in my life. I really want to keep the love of my life forever, but the feeling of never being enough never leaves me, because I was branded a failure and nothing more.

[@flaviendarre742]

I grew up with a neglective father who did'nt gave me the tools to be confortable about being vulnerable and for whom i've never been enough, i feel that shit in my guts man

[@The_Sonic_FR_23]

@@flaviendarre742 Eh man... I understand, and I'm sorry.

[@BruceC1]

I don’t have trams. People may project trauma. Consistent attention.

[@yatogod556]

Ok, yeah, I feel like I related to this too much😅 I'm definitely the "wounded child," and I have problems with communicating, amongst other things.

[@cleverclovercreates3249]

Hey, Psyh2go!! Could you make a video on how to make friends with people you don’t know well…or if someone wants to be you’re friend or like they at least kinda like you. I can’t seem to find anything like that. All of it is crush/ love based. I mean like you, as a friend or wants to be friends with you. You get what I’m saying?