Humans are Addicted to Validation -- How to Stop

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[@thewayofnoway]

Yep, I see this in myself all the time. The micro adjustments depending on who’s in front of me. It’s incredibly cringey as a feeling, but now I’m far more curious and willing to fully feel into it. This is where the gold is. ☀️

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

That’s important , if we’re totally unaware of it it’s probably pulling the strings

[@thewayofnoway]

@@SimplyAlwaysAwake The reality is I spent hours agonising and rewriting this comment for your approval Angelo! My life is now complete 🥳

[@CasenJames]

@@thewayofnoway 😂 I have a feeling you're not alone in that

[@thewayofnoway]

@@CasenJames Yeah no doubt…irony abounds😂

[@Jerry_064]

@@thewayofnoway lol, relatable bro, I'm even noticing this tendency while writing this comment, I write something and then hesitate if I should post or not, "is it good enough?" ,"What will they think of me if I admit this need for validation?" ,"Should I post this comment?", "It just feels like I'm seeking validation, so I shouldn't post it".... But I'm gonna post it, "why am I hesitating, it's just a comment, and why am I putting this in quotes","am I just being so judgemental with myself" dhvvjkgcbui vhu jub jj jjnhdij, abracadabra, boom shakalaka, titties, ❤️🙏☺️😅😂👍☹️🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉👻👻👻👻👻👻

[@dhammaboy1203]

The need for validation is probably my #1 barrier to further awakening presently. I can see where it comes from but it is something I have not liberated mind from as yet. I would like to as it’s exhausting sometimes! Also - any teacher that uses gangster movies to make points is my kind of meditation teacher! 😂 Cheers Angelo!

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

The fact that you see this is actually quite remarkable :)) Keep investigating. Sometimes real world scenarios can be helpful!

[@DanielleM-yr4di]

Needing validation is so pervasive. I see it in myself often, but I also find it deeply distasteful. I almost feel like I avoid close relationships because I don’t want people to think I need them. I actually feel like that is my reaction to you when in person. Like I’m so aware of coming off as needy that I limit my interactions… 🤷🏻‍♀️😞

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

Very important aspect! We will even hide it from ourselves by avoiding situations in which we can't help but see the tendencies.

[@flyingsneetch]

I so relate to this! This was totally my experience at retreat!

[@DanielleM-yr4di]

@@flyingsneetch Glad u can relate, Kate. Any thoughts on addressing this issue? For me, I was questioning “why do I feel the need to stifle my emotion of needing validation?” Maybe seeing that no validation is needed. Any validation that could be given is at a superficial level anyways. Who would feel validated..? The ego? Just saying that means little tho. This is something I’m really trying to feel into. It’s funny because I’m not someone who is big on validation in general-but this topic is so special to me that it comes up repeatedly.

[@flyingsneetch]

@@DanielleM-yr4di I’m not sure if I have any advice beyond just seeing that you have the need for validation and noticing when your behaviour is influenced by this need. Making that motivation conscious instead of unconscious, I suppose! I experienced the same kind of thing at retreat - the avoiding of interaction because I didn’t want to seem needy. It’s super uncomfortable. I guess noticing the discomfort and staying with it might also be good to do.

[@BP4722]

This is a huge topic indeed. It took me years to work with this and watch it closely, tricky business, the mind/stories likes to validate itself. cause it felt like I was doing "my best" for others and stayed trapped in the loop of looking for recognition and not getting it enough which only validated my own emotional pain of not being seen/heard. A lot fell away, but yesterday I was doing it again... with a friend....lol... I was noticing suddenly how much efforts and energy it cost and didn't felt so 'natural' as it use be. Even waiting for a feedback for this comment can cone out of self validation, but usually I forget about that . Thanks for the video💖

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

Thanks for the reflection

[@nobodynowhere21]

One validation cookie for you! 🍪

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

@@nobodynowhere21 yummmmm validation cookies……

[@dhammaboy1203]

Apologies for the validation 😂 - but I can relate!

[@Where.spirit.meet.matter]

This is huge! Recently I feel like I’ve cut this invisible umbilical cord to the people around me even my girlfriend that was both feeding on them for validation but also having to spare their feelings instead truthfully and authentically reflecting my experience of them. The magnitude of it has almost felt like another awakening.

[@philipp176]

Thanks for covering this topic. I realized in myself that giving others validation can also be another method to get validation myself. It is kind of an attempt to lower the chance of rejection

[@Oversampled]

Oh glad you're mentioning the fears, cause I'm at the border of validation seeking and there's this overwhelming fear of doing something wrong, hurting people and there being something wrong with me. There's nobody, NOBODY, to hold accountable for my actions, there's nobody responsible for what I do, so these fears arise. Dang it man, this stuff is tough!!

[@soulTC]

I've become aware that this is something that, when I lapse into automaton mode (by not applying quiet attention), drives almost every decision I make. It seems to be a fundamental ego dynamic - a constant effort to get other people to confirm the fragile narrative we've built to prop up our sense of worth. What a huge commitment of energy. Sometimes, I even think of posting questions here and then I realize ... I already know the answer - I'm just seeking a pat on the head 🤣

[@WholyAlkhemy]

"Fear or revere me, but please think I'm special." Yes. I'm an addict. Boy, does it feel good to come clean at last!❤️

[@justmeee777]

"If you dont notice it, its probably happening a lot". Yup. Ive come to realize how bad I wanted people to like me so I would put them on a pedestal (such as people I was attracted to). Letting go has allowed authentic relationships in my life

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

glad you see it... one can spend entire life not even realizing this is operating them...

[@subject_5056h]

Nice to hear you touch on this. Being a life long people pleaser and social chameleon, I really gained insight in this by constant introspection. As you say, there is nothing shameful about the need for approval, in fact it is a crucial survival mechanism for a social species, but it leads to inauthenticity and thus to suffering. These insights led me to having no friends and avoiding social interaction because everything feels so artificial and I'm tired of such trifling nonsense. Also it has become very clear how much I fear rejection, it has become just too uncomfortable to be involved with others. It's a saddening prospect really, because I'm craving the mirage of deep connection.

[@btblou]

Same.... I have spent many years in isolation, to be true to myself and do the work. Thanks for mirroring. Reading your comment brought an awareness I'd like to share. These habits develop in relationship and therefor heal in relationship. Me thinks it is time to get back out there...

[@mahmoodabdulbaqi824]

Came at the perfect point in my life, I've been noticing this In my self lately

[@tomorrowneverknows248]

Thank you, Angelo. This is something I'm working on and would love to see more videos on this topic. 🙏

[@CasenJames]

Thanks for addressing this topic directly, Angelo. It was valuable. This is a hard thing to feel out, and even once there's a knack for feeling into it, it can be very difficult to locate the actual root. It's amazing how much fear is hiding underneath. I've heard Angelo mention something about sitting with the idea that you are fundamentally unlovable and then being present with the feelings that arise from that..... I've found that useful. It seems validation is often veiled as conventional love. Regardless, this apparent need is quite deeply rooted. It doesn't seem to want to come out very quickly 😂. Bit by bit, moment by moment, presence by presence. ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥 Love y'all ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

Your awareness of the depth to which this affects us is well placed. I think most people are pretty unaware of how much this is intertwined in their identity structure.

[@CasenJames]

Thanks, Angelo. 🫡 One of the hurdles I notice in the investigation process is that when I am able to feel the into presence of something deep needing validation and I rest in the feeling...... it disappears 😅. There is a sense of separation that remains, although it's thin and transparent, almost like cellophane.... it's this cellophane space that many of "my" thoughts feel as though they arise from. I guess I should continue investigating that space. That feels like the right route, it's just not an easy space to stay with.

[@macparker3549]

Casen, you’ve been plumbing and exposing these murky layers since before it was cool. 😎 I see it, and respect it…

[@adabialynicka9188]

I can't wait for all that junk to fall away. Life without the need for validation sounds great... I definitely do it all the time to various degrees. Sometimes I find it bizarre how I can act like a totally different person around different people, like taking on a new persona. It's unconscious behavior but I catch myself doing it. I guess it's because I just want to fit in.

[@ThommyB]

As a teenager I've experienced daily humiliations for years. It severely shaked the need for validation afterwards. If I had to redo my life, I would do it again. And again.

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

sorry to hear that :( However it puts you in a unique position to learn about (and untangle) the mechanics of validation seeklng at a very deep level :)))

[@AnnM847]

Yes, a tricky one. I've been aware for a long time that I would get an A+ in people pleasing. Bringing some awareness to this has changed the degree to which I feel the need to people please a and I'm not such a doormat now. I still have problems with validating others though and the one thing i find really difficult is just shutting up instead of spouting some nonsense so that people don't feel uncomfortable when there's silence in a conversation. I'm trying, I really am but I feel I've been doing this forever. I often also listen to myself when someone is talking to me about a problem and i try to offer some solice. I can hear the inauthenticity in my voice in my response but I just continue to blah blah blah.

[@seacaster]

I am working through this now and it is emotionally draining. After doing some sessions with a trained counselor in "The Work" it can really cause some deep stirrings in me. I notice a feeling of fatigue in my lower back after the sessions and I am now having some lower back pain. There seems to be a direct relationship between seeing some fundamental flaws in my psychological make up and my lower back issues. Pleasing others has been a way of life for me. I am welcoming the experience and thankful for the knowing that the universe is conspiring for me. Thanks for all you helpful videos! Blessings

[@AshleyStuart]

It's definitely hard to admit but this one hit home for me and it's interesting when I catch myself falling back into the trap. I think it's a common trap though if you make content with the social slot machine every time you post. I always ask myself, am I adding to the conversation or am I seeking validation? I also find this a very sneaky thing too. As someone who also was a bit odd while growing up, I wonder if this is something that goes back to that childhood with me too. I always struggled to fit in and find things in common with peers.

[@birgit8996]

What is validation?..... only thoughts..... what is validation important for? Does what is... be addicted to validation?

[@LizB55]

I’ve stopped painting because I have recognised the need to be judged favourably for my work. And it’s painful

[@JeremiahNudell]

I just watched revolver tonight because I heard it was one of your favorites. I was hit hard with this feeling of being an outcast, fear of being alone, and feeling like I’m not getting the validation I need after a social media post I posted earlier today. Searched you and validation on KZbin and the synchronicity of revolver clips was pretty cool. There’s a part of me that really doesn’t care about what people think and another part that feels really hurt and rejected by their lack of validation. I am typically pretty good at honing into the discomfort and seeing through the identity structure in a few sittings. This one feels really deep and engrained. I’m really having to be patient with it and take breaks.

[@tim2269]

I didn’t find anything I was good at until I was 29.Then I aggressively tried to prove myself for the next 25 years.Knowledge and skills were always good.Attitude sucked and got me in trouble endlessly.Always a seeker I struggled to identify this in myself.I really suffered with a sense of being justifiably valid.This hurt relationships around me and myself directly.All for the sake of Validation and Making it.Nice to hear you bring this up.

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

Wild isn't it? There is a tremendous amount of validation seeking associated with being intelligent, effective, hard working. The ego is the ultimate opportunist :)))

[@sylvia5990]

I think this is really a big part of our identity. I was surprised when I started seeing it. I never thought that I look for validation so much. Actually I never looked into the validation I seek from my very close ones. Good hint here again. Thanks so much.

[@mindyourstep1028]

❤️ This is a test about validation. Please ignore my comment. :-)

[@buddhasdojo9368]

😂🤣

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

😂😂😂

[@buddhasdojo9368]

@@SimplyAlwaysAwake 😊🤗

[@consciousnessofkane4155]

Love the movie revolver! First heard the recommendation from you. Paul Hedderman also put me onto the movie Moon. Instead of pointing towards the ego it points to the patterns and belief structures that are necessary to give the clone the motivation to wake up and do his duties on the ship.

[@nicoleyoung3927]

I am hyper over aware of it, and it bothers me a lot when I find myself distracted of others opinions of me… But even more than that, I find it interesting, but I am extremely extremely bothered when I see it in others in extremes… Such as girls that try really hard to get compliments by bringing up things or bragging a lot or constantly asking me if they look good… It’s the worst win girls do things like try to one up a conversation about saying that they have more money when the conversation was about how Christmas was or something like that… When people do something really out of place for attention seeking or basically validation, I guess it makes me feel sick to my stomach for some reason… I really need to find out why… This is why I’m so aware of when I do anything even small on the scale of this… and to be honest, I never feel the need to really talk about my money or successes to anyone, because I am truly grateful for them, and I feel as if seeking validation, for them will actually invalidate them for some reason… Interesting thoughts

[@robinnovak7457]

Great topic. I see it in myself, particularly at work. Also, It is triggering for me when I perceive that others are seeking my validation. Lots of stuff to work with here :)

[@LeftTheMatrix]

Yes! Mixed bag here - I can no longer stomach banal in face-to-face work/social/close relationship settings and notice that others seem to relax when I’m just “me” in the moment, authentic. It’s beautiful. I love this from R. Spira: “You can only love others if you want nothing from them”. But I’ve had almost no social media footprint because of all the online nastiness/miscommunication; emojis only convey so much of the nonverbal. So, I watch myself crafting every word with laser-like precision due to fear (including this comment! 😊!). When I run the fear through Byron Katie’s method I sometimes laugh out loud at how the ego is like whac-a-mole - I think I’m all chill and “awakened in the moment” and then feel sick to my stomach with lizard-brain level fear posting almost anything online. Love the kindness I sense in this community; it makes me feel hopeful. Thank you all so much for sharing your real world experiences.🥰

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

❤💜❤💜 Nice to hear from you :))

[@amandaaydin5070]

Glad you made a video about this and how uncomfortable it can be but completely worth the exploration. People pleasing/seeking validation could be its own 12 step program ❤ Thanks Angelo for all you do. Your work has brought profound peace to this life.

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

THAT is a great idea

[@satsitananda]

Ugh… pretty aware of how much energy flows towards how people perceive me. It’s annoying. Like you said, human nature but especially for women, when value is equated with youth and beauty it can feel like an uphill battle to equanimity.

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

It's total freedom when we let go ultimately but it's a very sticky paradigm indeed.

[@richarddarling41]

Who is it that wants validation? The non-existing separate self? Certainly infinite consciousness has no need for validation. If the separate self has no free will how could it choose to desire validation? If concerns about validation are hard-wired, who decided to do the hard-wiring of humanity?

[@TheEvaluna1975]

We're all validation junkies! OMG! That's genius! So true... but we shouldn't feel ashamed for that... that's the way most of us were raised... first trying to please our parents, caregivers, loved ones... then our teachers, our friends... then our bosses, coworkers, romantic partners, and so on... wonder why? Because we're so afraid of being rejected, undervalued, unloved, and abandoned ... this was something that haunted me for a long time and still occasionally appears like a sneaky ghost, but somehow, I'm stopping to care as I used to... I guess it's about the long-term benefits of being authentic and feeling like you're getting rid of a heavy weight that you carry with you every time you try to project a customized image of yourself to fit everyone's expectations. I thank my cats for teaching me some of that don't give af attitude! 😹😹😹

[@iseemtobelost8265]

Nice, I love to hear about the big stuff, self-inquiry, no self etc. But these smaller topics are really useful in noticing smaller behavior patterns

[@riznah]

Art used to be approval seeking for me. It felt painful and inauthentic. I felt like a trick monkey. Thinking about your interview with Dr. Z and how art can be an escape from *gestures wildly*- but I’ve only felt that until recently (since the pandemic)- that flow state. Makes sense why in this context.

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

Wonderful!! Yes I see it in artists as well and i feel for them... but so nice once you're past that barrier (or largely so)

[@cps_Zen_Run]

Perhaps Awakening is less complicated for those of us that always required lots of “alone time.” We also have a limited social media footprint. Sitting with our suffering in isolation for years lead to meditation, providing temporary relief; and then “stumbled “ into Awakening. “Intent “ was critical for me. Peace.

[@nat998]

Carey, well said! Being a solitary, introspective person all my life, with limited social media... I concur. I think if I was more blind to my own internal suffering, and living a superficial, unconscious life I'd never have wound up on this path. I'm sure I wouldn't have. Maybe, I'd be content living a great life, unaware of any of this. Ultimately, I'm where I'm meant to be. My whole life I've felt something was ajar, amiss, askew, awry. I've always felt this from childhood. Peace and love 💛

[@Jerry_064]

Yes, I'm glad I have trauma that makes me isolate myself and become a hermit lol. Best way to wake up.

[@Luna_City]

I’d love to hear more about validating other people and being authentic with them. I guess I felt like validating other people helps them to be comfortable with themselves and allows them to be more authentic moving forward. Maybe you can expand on the topic of being authentic, without being rude or hurtful?

[@Luna_City]

Also… I watched Devs and I have so many questions. Lol! Looking forward to renting Revolver. It’s on the To Do list. Appreciate the recs. 🙏

[@DanielleM-yr4di]

Devs fucked me up 😂 in a good way… maybe…

[@Luna_City]

@@DanielleM-yr4di same 😂

[@Ballsmasher69420]

Well all this stuff has a utility behind it. It's not people pleasing for no reason, it's for acceptance, being liked, avoiding conflict, getting included, possibility of having fun with others. As for someone who in their childhood wasn't really included in the friends group, this reactivity (emotion + thought), saying usually that I SHOULD do or say something, is mainly a trauma response that is very unconscious. It's meant for me to people please now to get validation until I get rid of the story saying that I'm "unlikable". Till that story loops on your head it will make you seek being liked by others and also as the survival mechanism it will try to confirm itself by self sabotaging your relationships to conclude that being unlikable is actually true. I'm trying to stay conscious to reactivity, but it's very easy to get identified as a survival mechanism has to pull you into the thought in order to protect you. For me spirituality worked as a big bypass and escape from my problems, literally ignoring them, so happy to see you doing more "close to the ground" content like that! I think we shouldn't ignore simple human stuff.

[@Ballsmasher69420]

For someone who's looking simply for the end of suffering, I believe that when all trauma is fixed there won't be any need for awakening or it will happen naturally. Because all the false identities, aka defense mechanism from childhood, will fall away and what's left will be peace, contentment and presence. No anxiety so no future, a satisfying present so no seeking.

[@Jerry_064]

Wow, thanks Angelo, so relatable, I see it in myself all the time

[@consciousnessofkane4155]

Hey Angelo! Do you still see any of these mechanisms of competition, or inauthenticity arise in your story of Angelo?

[@MsTara007]

Love when you talk about stuff like this. And off course i can relate to what was said. Thanks 🙏

[@amazias9213]

So true for me and actually for most of my surroundings. Powerful like always. Thanks.

[@-Brendon-]

Holy shit Angelo this one hits hard. I remember talking with my friend a long time ago, I was so young at the time, and I was saying how I change myself around people and act differently or take up the mannerisms of the group I'm with. I think the drive to awaken was rooted in my inauthenticity around people. so much suffering is there when I'm not myself. I'm finding how deep this rabbit hole goes.

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

Indeed it does go rather deep. That binding is very strong when we’re young. But the remnants can stick around for quite some time. It’s all about clear seeing.

[@Bernd05]

Unrelated: When identification with the ego starts to loosen, is it possible that the body gets really tired?

[@supeshalawithinwithout]

🌼 Thank you 🙏

[@nikolascend]

Feeling validating has been very 'on' for me when sharing something painful or disturbing and feeling that it is not seen and goes unacknowledged. Or being told 'get over it!'. Typical gaslighting basically. Living in the future and just bypassing emotions. Like a kid who expresses boundaries or distress, often through crying or anger only to be told that he or she should be grateful and stop doing that. I feel that after so much InValidation we have developed a 'kink' for seeking validation everywhere!

[@sarahjabbour9648]

Story of my life……..but starting to be more in tune with that second phase you talked about. In a way, just as painful bc yes, I want to make sure they think/feel I like/approve of whatever they may be seeking validation for.

[@alfreddifeo9642]

Thanks for sharing this, 🎯🎯🎯♥😶 🙏☮ wishing love, grace, courage and understanding for all

[@ExtendingLovePresence]

Very important exposure of one of the deepest Insecurity tendencies in the Ego Structure. Thank you for Sharing this, it goes fairly deep, indeed. 🙏

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

You are so welcome!

[@chain8847]

Validate me please. Validator.

[@julieg3290]

To mix metaphors, boy did that open a can of worms, ick! But those arrows of truth hurt so good.

[@julieg3290]

Feedback on the video: I liked it because the truth of this hit me experientially and shook me out of denial. I wonder about dogs. They appear to seek validation without becoming inauthentic. So validation is not the issue. I am going to inquire why, who, is seeking validation, of what? Versus dogs, cats seem equally authentic in needing no validation 😏.

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

they seek attention yes, tho they don't have an identity to tie it into. so "overcompensating" and pretending we don't seek validation is also not the same is dropping the validation seeking either. Many people are already doing this (patterned empathic inheritance). So there's no right or wrong or natural or unnatural here, simply pointing out what it is that keeps the sense of self-apart afloat and functioning. Validation seeking is a pretty ubiquitous phenomena. Based on all of the various comments I'm inclined to make more vids about it. I was a bit surprised by some of the responses.

[@TB-jg2oq]

I needed this today

[@yasminel-hakim4348]

Yes, we are. All the time. Let’s go and look deeper into this and what will happen when we stop doing it. We’ll end up abandoned and unloved all alone in a nasty cave 🤷‍♀️😃🙏

[@barbarawheeler3557]

I take validation as a sign that what I’m doing, at least online, is worthwhile. Otherwise, I feel like I’m wasting my time and theirs. What does the audience want from me…if anything? My negativity bias tells me nobody cares what I think, say or do. The events of 2020 and the following discourse put a big exclamation point on that for me. Clearly, I was already vulnerable, otherwise I wouldn’t have shut down completely after that. I think this screams “do some shadow work!”…or something…😂😅

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

Importantly we have to become aware of how wired we are for and how much we respond to validation before we will ever hope to dissolve the reactivity around it. At sone point it’s quite possible to notice abd care what works for people (audience) without attaching to their view of you specifically. Indeed the less it’s about you the more benefit they will get ❤️

[@carriesewell3460]

This is timely! 😂 Still digging into this subject 🙏🏽

[@annettalybecker4712]

Since one of my largest issues is abandonment then seeking validation would be paramount in interactions. Of course in abandonment then there are huge intimacy issues. Working with these issues in shadow work is essential. Bringing this to awareness becomes quite tricky as a human seeking interaction. All huge issues for me to work with. It is imperative I begin to look at each interaction in depth, own and surrender to the openness of heart.

[@susanamos6237]

Luckily I have never been competitive… I spend most of my time on my own, and am always the same whoever I am with or interacting with.. there is a wild spontaneity that just is, always so surprising.. I don’t seem to have much self awareness..

[@WholyAlkhemy]

Becoming conscious of the need for validation is, honestly, just the tip of the iceberg... It's key, of course, cause as long as we remain unconsciously denying/repressing it, the program will keep on playing itself indefinitely and all sorts of projections will result. When that dynamics finally surfaces, it's time to get down to the nitty-gritty of unraveling the beLIEfs of unworthiness fueling such behavior and feeling the underlying pain, which is what we're actually trying to avoid with all the mind games. In my experience, it goes way beyond the storyline of this body/mind, even of my parents'. It felt like the supressed pain of unworthiness coming down the entire feminine embodiment lineage... Deep, way deep, goes this rabbit hole...

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

Exactly this... it's amazing how many comments I got on this video saying either "oh I never do this at all ever..." or "you're way off base on this..." This is a game everyone is playing and no one knows it (to loosely quote the roof scene in Revolver).

[@WholyAlkhemy]

@@SimplyAlwaysAwake Yes, bless their hearts... The pain feels so, so real, and it may take a while until the nervous system gets rewired into feeling safe to feel once again... That usually happens when we've exhausted every single way out... When we're simply too drained to keep on fighting, to keep all the balls under the water, when we can no longer breathe... That's usually when we fall down this rabbit hole, not because we realized it was the wise thing to do, but because there was nowhere left to go. It absolutely does not have to be this way but, for whatever reason, that's most often how it seems to play out...

[@injoyinmyself2018]

Thank you for sharing, Great topic and questions,🙏 I highly recommend anyone to watch the Guy Richie movie Revolver also Lars von Trier Melancholia. I wonder if validation is hardwired at its core to survival or even an acknowledgement of " my" existence?

[@dhammaboy1203]

Angelo - does simply seeing this habit eventually break it down or, should we be intellectually trying to specifically see this each time it arises in consciousness and try to label when it occurs mentally?

[@evglenka1]

How to work with it?

[@nuria.l-l-9827]

I am looking validation from my sister's cat. I want that he prefers to stay with me so when she goes back to her boyfriend, I can keep the cat here. 🤦‍♀️-😂

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

😂😂😂

[@taytay6529]

What do you mean when you say authentic? Like telling ppl your actual thoughts? If i’m at work and don’t feel like working Do I tell my boss that?

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

Yes try that!

[@taytay6529]

Can I talk to u I’m confused there are ppl who kill because they felt why would I do something like that I kno is wrong?

[@taytay6529]

So you mean to tell me is I have no control of wat I the illusion does Angelo I would rather die

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

I’m joking if course. Authenticity isn’t about telling your boss off. Well not usually. Start with looking more closely at how and why you communicate with those around you. “What am I trying to accomplish by communicating with this person right now?” “What do I want?” “What do I expect from them?” Maybe I’ll make a vid on the topic

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

@@taytay6529 I don’t have availability for 1:1 but if you want to work with someone email me on contact form on my website

[@korneliaheidegger3116]

💗💗💗

[@TheWizard10008]

This one just seems like a head game. Exploring it in any fashion just seems to stimulate thoughts, more thinking and more mental gymnastics. Too much of a guessing game of what is the motivation of someone or ones own. Seems very counter to what you typically offer and on the surface doesn’t seem to point one toward nondual insight or wisdom. Maybe what you describe as validation is just a request for guidance, help or clarity.

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

This is very sticky and triggering stuff and when we start to delve into it the "ego" doesn't like it one bit... if you are interested to investigate further check out the movie Revolver... it's an excellent primer on the subject :)

[@leslieclaire]

Movie inserts were distracting.

[@Sonovasto]

As was the frenetic background imagery. (No validation from here!) 🙃

[@JeremiahNudell]

Now I’m wondering if I commented just to get your validation lol

[@Ballsmasher69420]

It's true. They fall away, but it's so scary to say what's authentic to me. For me it comes from trauma

[@Ballsmasher69420]

So yeah it is very icky and disgusting that you are doing it to yourself, but you don't need awakening to do this work

[@life.withkyle]

Would love some more videos on this topic as you're really right on the money and this is sticky stuff. Really trying to be more authentic in social interactions because there is such a strong tendency to want to validate others and not make them feel uncomfortable. Especially around family and old friends there is still a lot of fear of being completely vulnerable and authentic. I'm trying to adress this but still struggle sometimes, I understand where it comes from and it's helpful to remind myself that is innocent conditioning from the child that wanted to be safe but I still find myself falling into the tendency to people please, any extra advice for really getting to the root of this? 🙏🏼🤍