Humans Are Omnivores | HFY | SciFi Short Stories | Best of HFY

[@bradwolf07]

"One solace we can offer you....They Are Edible" holy Cow, that was awesome

[@mbukukanyau]

We ate dinner

[@Fikoj]

I woulda liked if the end of it had “and they are delicious” would be even more terrifying for the xenos

[@nrschicago]

Holy Cow is ironic

[@bradwolf07]

@@nrschicago ironic or a fun word play?

[@nrschicago]

@@bradwolf07 nothing wrong with both

[@leyrua]

Was expecting him to finish his closing remarks with: "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go have... _lunch."_

[@mcp24]

It will become a feast in the Galactic Council for humans

[@albertodimaio496]

You should look up the closing sentence of Matteo Renzi's SHISH speech. I highly suggest it hahaha

[@terrorlizard]

You could tell, as soon as he said edible. The humans saw there enemy in a new light. Not as solders to fear, but as food.

[@robertmosen6126]

Degrading to be classified as just food.

[@lunazeebee12]

😂

[@MsDogleaf]

@@robertmosen6126right but it’s true will have always had to kill our food

[@МихаилРозов-ю9п]

@@MsDogleaf I'm shure that planes have never been alive. You know those are edible too. Hard to chew or cook properly, but edible. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michel_Lotito

[@drive2160]

@@МихаилРозов-ю9п*nom, nom, nom, nom* “But we’re already eating them….” 😢. “They’re delicious….”

[@snidecommenter7117]

1/2 million hungry humans, 30 thousand cattle. Won't last long.

[@Asperger0815]

We can always stretch them out by adding a few vegetables....

[@henrybialik8333]

I'll bring the BBQ sauce!

[@midnightfox6500]

If only the council could read these comments

[@TheSpacePyro]

I love the fact that they mentioned that their enemies can run but we would follow them until the enemy gets exhausted and can go no further which then we would catch up and go for the kill which is exactly how early mankind hunted we are not built for running after prey but we have amazing endurance which we used to hunt we would injure an animal and then follow it till the prey can’t run anymore and then we go in for the kill

[@adriansantiagojr.8378]

Or until heat exhaustion.

[@lexheath8276]

No other animal would survive a marathon.

[@zhongli5689]

@@adriansantiagojr.8378 is that not a form of tiredness

[@InVinoVeratas]

Humans are persistent hunters, we sweat to prevent overheating and breath easily when we run, to prevent exhaustion, something that many animals have one of but not both. It's why we have been able to easily outcompete other humanoid cousins, like Neanderthals, our physiology was more optimal than the nutrition needed to keep a Neanderthal sustained each day.

[@blaiseboudreau1819]

"And now you will remember your place on the food chain". very nice. lol

[@SerunaXI]

Many a predator should also note that humans will hunt predators to remove threats. Alternatively, we domesticate and break. What started as a mighty wolf now has trouble breathing because it no longer has a snout.

[@wolfgangkranek376]

Please pass the salt! No one shall say, we dont eat minerals to our aliens.

[@Pavk-9918]

Nah the mineral aliens are cool with us. Lets not change their attitude

[@TB-fb1sq]

​@@Pavk-9918if we lick them do they not taste like salt?

[@spymaster3366]

@@TB-fb1sq depends on their constitution i would imagine but some should? i guess

[@MaDreameuse]

@@TB-fb1sq Do not lick the alien!

[@orlandobritt1460]

Can we make them into Bing?

[@ExiledPiasa]

The cage is open, we are coming, and… we… are… hungry!

[@Allantitan]

And all we see is a food rich environment

[@stock_movie1875]

I'm reminded of an ancient saying. "The bird of Hermes is my name. Eating my own wings to keep me tame.'

[@theirishviking9278]

"From the bodies blood is shed Soon the ghouls become undead"

[@teatusnoone6332]

Alchemy nerd or weeb ?

[@Thule21]

@@theirishviking9278 The Bird of Hermes comes soon Not morning, evening or afternoon The Bird of Hermes feeds on fright Soon blood shall stain the night

[@Soloong_Gaybowzer]

>I have to see all your memories now "uh huh" >by drinking all of your blood "uh uuh uuaaaaAAAAA!" >starts tripping balls >wtf is this?!

[@joedaiskiwagas6780]

Is this from Hellsing?

[@pattyc.4978]

Bro really said: "The buffet line has started, please keep calm" 😂😂😂

[@niyablake]

pass the salt

[@Allantitan]

@@niyablakeand the various dipping sauces

[@niyablake]

@@Allantitan pulls out the shell cracker.

[@SerunaXI]

Bold move of the council to call human's corpse eaters.

[@empresspyra]

"Scavengers" it would make one heck of a crossover to have the "prey" species attend a flies on the wall reenactment with them witnessing an ancient human pack hunt a wooly mammoth. They would learn a lot from that. Their assumptions and prejudice invites them to self evaluation and mature scrutiny.

[@lionelwhiskerknot]

And now the most dreaded words the Galactic Council would hear on the communication net would be "Where's the Beef?!"

[@JamesSmith-gm7fm]

I feel bad for any aliens that look like chickens

[@Amoth_oth_ras_shash]

the galaxy rattled the chains of not just the beast of war ..hunger.. hate ..empathy.. rage ...and as those holding it leet go of their grip , the galaxy learnt that arrogance dont hide you from the hungry endurance omnivore

[@Zarviya]

Man I remember reading a humanity are space orcs story that was like aliens starved us out and we just butchered and ate the aliens instead and turned them into cattle I was like Jesus christ

[@darnelljohnson5313]

Not cattle, this is a wild hunt. Like boar, deer, pheasant tuna.

[@redcraig3297]

Loved this story, 30000 troops reduced to 2300 after the dinner gong had been rung.

[@Asundur17]

Only in 1 hour too

[@Christophiel]

2300 kept alive waiting their turn to be eaten, watching their fellow troops being made into ingredients or eaten alive...!

[@Allantitan]

@@Christophielhey food tastes best when fresh

[@lonemannkratos7349]

We have a saying in Mexico, "si corre, nada o vuela, va a la cazuela", if it runs, fly or swin, it goes to the pot.

[@10v3lygir1]

Honestly if we can’t figure out how to eat the mineral beans (salt) we can still figure out how to use them for something.

[@AshtonCoolman]

"HUNGER FOR BURGER....HERETIC BURGER!!!!" - Sanguinius maybe

[@Actually_Sanguinius]

I did say this... I think.

[@blacklighthologram5339]

@@Actually_Sanguiniuscan you get me a new bolter for Sanguinala my lord? I broke my old one while shattering xenos bones to eat the marrow.

[@gilbertplays]

@@blacklighthologram5339 Bring me all Ork you can find!. WANNA SEE MY SON!!!

[@jonathanmccarthy6937]

Reminder, eating a sentient being is not cannibalism. Avoid brains and you should be fine.

[@karstenschuhmann8334]

Otherwise eating pork or whale would be a problem.

[@BliffleSplick]

@@karstenschuhmann8334 or octopus

[@davidnelson9238]

So this is probably going down in galactic history as either the age of consumption or the grate devouring.

[@JeffreyHiggins-s7t]

Stone soup officially added to the menu.

[@atticusseverus]

Yeah.....I think the the power structure of the universe is about to massively change....with many relearning what it means to deal with a hungry predator.

[@horsepowermultimedia]

Especially if that predator is sapient.

[@robertcartledge826]

remind them of their place on the food chain, beneath us. LMAO! what an entertaining story! Humanity Fuck Yeah!

[@peteramaranth85]

I would love to see this animated in live action or a film

[@ExiledPiasa]

Oh Hell yeah!

[@salvadorcortes7024]

"Love, death and robots" style, pls!! 😉

[@Christophiel]

Instead of saying have a nice day, he should've done like Pennywise "You all taste so much better when you're scared!"

[@axion9194]

I heard this like 3 months ago and could not find it again. So glad you published its a good story.

[@darnelljohnson5313]

I guess along with your gun and your fire starting equipment, you'll be carrying salt, pepper, BBQ sauce and hot sauce.

[@AdamDavisEE]

"One solace we can offer: They taste like chicken."

[@Operator214MerchantMarine]

this should be played in stellaris as human became the devouring swarm 😂😂😂

[@griffgoldstein6378]

I turn most species into cattle lol

[@iRcoyote1]

My default rights for alien species in Stellaris when I play a Bio empire is "livestock".

[@bmac9936]

I never grow tired of hearing this story or ones very much like it. (Why can’t I find a smiley face holding a knife and fork?)

[@carpetshake]

😕🍴

[@dank-man6510]

My man should've started displaying recipes on the screen

[@mikedubovs1574]

Mmmmm donuts... alien. They taste like chicken... "Homer"

[@bananamuffiin9869]

I really hope it would of ending like "I conclude with one final message. "LET THE FEAST BEGIN!!!!" , - - Ambassadors, Damian Shores concluding sentence at the galactic conference, on what is now known as the beginning of the bloodiest war in galactic history, "The Magna Vorans" , or the great devouring, or "The Old Hunt" , "The Esurien Hunt" the hungry hunt, "The Bestia Festival" or beast festival , or "The Voracious Night" . . . . i was really hoping for something along the line of, look i tried.

[@bananamuffiin9869]

but still the " they're edible" line was my favorite i loved it

[@Highrocker1298]

Wow! That was nicely served up! More please!

[@MichaelWinter-ss6lx]

We take for granted, that you have propper spices growing on your respective planets. Bon appetite. 🚀🏴‍☠️🎸

[@SageofStars]

To be fair, it is interesting that life would evolve with similar enough biochemicals to make ingestion a good idea. That said, obviously not the point of this one, just where my mind goes when hearing about that sort of thing. And a good way of doing it, too. The implication is that the tech levels of the species, due to how technology works in this setting, are about equal. It's the tactics and strategies that change things. And now, humanity has been let off the leash. There are rules for war, because without them, war becomes nothing but an empty field of corpses at the end of the day, thanks to how our guns work. With guns that can shoot planets at relativistic speeds, the battlefield can take up to a whole solar system. And right now, every enemy casualty is something that can replace that MRE in your supply chest, and that's enough to motivate any man. Maxim 7 'If the food is good enough, the grunts will stop complaining about the incoming fire.; Maxim 6 'If violence wasn't your last resort, then you failed to resort to enough of it.'

[@braxat52]

You say it as if people eating highly toxic food that was supposed to be poisonous wasn't a thing already.

[@nirfz]

Just saying, there were rules of war before modern guns. It's not because of guns that there are rules of war.

[@SageofStars]

@@nirfz Those were more guidelines of war, or suggestions of war. Even when one side or the other agreed to not salt the fields or burn the forests of their enemy...they did it anyway. Mind, those were less conquerors and more raiders, but some did raid far afield thanks to strength in numbers.

[@nirfz]

@@SageofStars There's no difference to the "laws of war now". They are still treated as "just guidelines". Signing member states agree that they adhere, but we can easily go through every armed conflict since the hague conventions papers were signed and i show you that almost every time at least one if not both sides violated what was in those treaties. Some countries outright refused to sign. It's still treated as "guidelines". Russia, the US, China, Isreal, Pakistan and India have refused to be part of the of the international criminal court that is about proscution of war crimes... The big 3 of these are also the ones that refused to sign a treaty to not use and produce anti personel mines over 20 years ago...

[@mbusocele1558]

Thank you for this story... I have always been thinking what a futuristic world where humans eat aliens would look like

[@cb5117]

That was awesomely clever, darkly humorous, and bad ass. Well done!!!!

[@jackreisewitz6632]

Most awesome !!! I wonder how aliens taste with barbecue sauce ?? Should we clean them ?? Or serve them on the half shell ??

[@snidecommenter7117]

Yes.

[@dekonfrost7]

When you try to be nice. Then show them we will and can eat you.

[@crabLT]

Didn't expect this be narrated by Agent 47 himself.

[@THEYETTY]

i need a whole audio book !!!! moreeeeeee

[@karenbaldwin2867]

Something small like 7 to 13 hours should do it.

[@Ian-j6q]

WOW! I got chills towards the end.

[@daltonbrasfield]

I didn't realize we could get agent 47 to narrate stuff like this

[@falconcorban4128]

poisonous individuals wouldn't be able to escape, we will find a way to eat it XD.

[@mcp24]

real 😂

[@lexheath8276]

Pufferfish?

[@BliffleSplick]

Or use their poisons to take down competition

[@zhongli5689]

@@BliffleSplick ah yes the good old poison dart frog

[@Asperger0815]

Cool, hunting season is on again...

[@topher_69eze]

As a human I have found a new fear in my species as I'm reminded that these tools we aptly call teeth have sank into more meaty game and healthy greens varieties than any other herbivores or carnivores combined and they still do because they're is delicious 😋, scrumptious and above all healthy. We took opportunitistic feeders to a whole new ball game and it scares me.

[@dropshot1967]

Good story, good narration and subtitles. I am happy I found another channel delivering high-quality productions in the sea of AI dribble. I subscribed.

[@AshtonCoolman]

Let's find out which FTL capable race turns into the best bacon!

[@donaldscholand4617]

The rocky ones can be used as paving materials ... no! Better idea! We can make the BBQ grills from them. Any liquid ones? Soup stock!

[@sylvain2mintoloose945]

Dinner is served :P

[@glenmassey3746]

What's on the menu.😂

[@czar6203]

Ohohohoho THIS one is good.

[@stevenbuckley1416]

To be washed down with a drop off chianti 🍷 😋 😂

[@DeathclawJedi]

Is that the Dinner bell I hear off in the distance?

[@mbukukanyau]

The BBQ is on

[@crunchie9362]

No thats proximity alarms blaring, but close.

[@mbukukanyau]

@@crunchie9362 Dinner brought itself

[@DeathclawJedi]

@@crunchie9362 You Say to may to I say to Mah to lol

[@stock_movie1875]

SOUPS ON!!!

[@UBWChaosVector]

"Thank you for the... enlightening story, 47."

[@TheCsel]

“We may have made a classification error” everyone on the council

[@mitchelldespins8287]

always wanted to try giant crow

[@ANGRYWOLVERINE2060-ft2nc]

One of my favorites

[@marin4046]

Run... We'll catch up when you're tired, when you think of a human as an endurance hunter and the reason it doesn't have thick fur and armour

[@locy012086]

Beautifully twisted. I love it

[@gsilva220]

The rock ones should have been shown in bags

[@blaire7253]

Lists start a petition, leave a like if you want a part 2.

[@nesapanjalingam704]

Love this ! 😂 ❤

[@darnelljohnson5313]

😂 GLORIOUS 😂😂😂 had to start over a second time 🎶 Food glorious food

[@mbukukanyau]

Hahahaha😂, we ate them all

[@donaldscholand4617]

How do space crabs taste with lemon and butter?

[@paulinehannah9075]

I love this story!

[@fuhkyu8146]

12:26 oh my god

[@angelmatiastorres]

15:10 this is truly cold... I love it

[@Bshwag]

What do you humans eat bugs? Oooh oh no we eat EVERYTHING!🤗

[@suzettewilliams1758]

I would love to hearvthe aftermath of this war.

[@Francisco-m5w]

Please make part 2 i wana hear about the victory bbq and what was used for condiments!

[@bf-696]

These AI stories are usually formulaic, boring, poorly scripted, and poorly read. This one was much better than usual.

[@Angry_Dinosaur]

It isn't an AI story. He linked to the original story in the description.

[@Seahorn_]

Can someone pass me the salt?

[@silverbird425]

Your name is dinnah . . . and you are lunch . . . and you are a snack. And don't forget dessert!

[@lexheath8276]

David Brin would being the condiments!

[@lightlegion_]

That’s so nice! Shall we connect?

[@kaitlynmyers9460]

Who all are the allies? I think one is a fox another was a falcon but what are the others? They are the ones not on the hunting menu 🤔

[@shadowlord1418]

hard to eat rocks

[@kaitlynmyers9460]

@@shadowlord1418 Unless they are salt ones...

[@nightinthewhite3817]

salarian liver is pretty good boiled and roasted

[@apok1980]

But …….. I’m fine with corn and cows. I don’t want to eat all that other exotic……..stuff😮

[@Gravel47]

Nice to hear the va of David bateson🥳💯👌

[@carpetshake]

Here from TikTok

[@Mancave5000]

Barbecue time. Do they taste like chicken or pork. 😊

[@Jw-no7id]

If you have time to cure it properly anything can taste like bacon.

[@Mancave5000]

@@Jw-no7id alien bacon.

[@cnkclark]

We have sauces for every occasion.

[@ZachThegamer-kz4pg]

Is it just me or is agent 47 the narrator

[@enclaveofficerz3245]

47 is that you?

[@ImaginationGamer25]

Glad I'm not the only one who thought that XD

[@robertmosen6126]

Second time i’ve heard this. Great story but a sad future for humanity, devolving back to stone age mentality.

[@ТимурФахуртдинов]

Starvation can lead most civilized ones to animal level

[@snidecommenter7117]

During the seige of Leningrad, there were no rats in the Russian trenches.

[@ТимурФахуртдинов]

@@snidecommenter7117 yes

[@thomaskinney9081]

Took too long to get good my only real problem

[@donroudebush596]

👍👍

[@Darkphoenix3450]

Technically humans are carnivores, are digestive track is not made to properly break down plant matter. We can be 100% healthy eating nothing but meat, the same cannot be said if on a plant diet.

[@GaryRoseCO]

Ergh. Cannibalism. Who keeps trying to sell us cannibalism? If it talks, it's people.

[@kitty4123]

Well those people are currently holding an entire planet hostage and starving them.

[@Shythalia]

It's wrong to eat another person but it's not cannibalism when they're a different species.

[@Shythalia]

I wouldn't wanna eat them either.

[@bobdamano9606]

We already eat sentient animals. Them being able to talk is not a test of intelligence.

[@peteramaranth85]

​@@bobdamano9606exactly qui Gon jin said it best

[@wboyd33]

I don't like the new voice. I'm having a hard time listening to it & have restarted it twice...so far. Please go back to the richer, thicker, deeper voice as it grips my attention & makes my.earholes happy.

[@SciFiStoryGuy]

I'll go back to him for sure, just testing on some one shots. I won't use him for any of our series either, they'll stay the same guy.

[@gregstroh6360]

👍 t

[@FreemanEleanore-b1v]

Rodriguez Jose Hall Maria Allen Kimberly

[@Jani-wr1dn]

Goddamn AI sucks yet again. Not a bad thing :)

[@GarciaTheresa-t1o]

Williams Anthony Thompson Brenda Hall Paul

[@AnnMorris-z9d]

Robinson Christopher Robinson Frank Martin Paul

[@lairddougal3833]

Lost me at “carnivors(sic)”. Make an effort. Jeez!