I Analyze Two Successful College Essays

[@Science_explained]

I love that second essay! The beginning made me scratch my head at first but it worked out really well. Good job!

[@Collegeessayguy]

Glad you liked it!

[@projectspace786]

Thanks for the reads, currently working on brainstorming ideas for what my personal statement could be about and this was helpful.

[@Collegeessayguy]

Glad it was helpful!

[@ShaliniVarshney-t9b]

Amazing analysis of both the essays : fun fact ... I am a singer and have won competitions and I am an environmental activist and was going to merge the two things 😄for my common essay for this Fall.

[@Collegeessayguy]

Sounds good!

[@orange_turtle3412]

I was trying to write my essay a few days ago and realized that I dont really have anything to write about. Ive never had any all-consuming passions or tragic losses that changed my view on life. So, thats exactly what I wrote about. How, up until recently, I had never really had a passion because I never put in enough effort to get good at anything. Tied it into my passion for cars and driving and how crashing my car, then forcing myself to start driving again despite the fear helped me realize that I needed to push my limits if I ever wanted to improve at anything. It was hard to condense to 650 words, but hopefully it works.

[@Collegeessayguy]

Thanks for sharing!

[@marateixeira8219]

It worked?

[@ameliatownsend5966]

@@marateixeira8219 no we're class of 2025

[@spronga3305]

I don't know how common this problem is, but I found it really hard to find places to volunteer during quarantine. My freshman year was entirely online, Covid-19 was still a massive problem for my sophomore year, and I had extreme battles with undiagnosed ADHD that required me to do online school while I got diagnosed, medicated, and treated during my junior year. There are so many parts of myself that I believe would provide value to a college campus: politically motivated and educated; a music producer who has had the pleasure of connecting with people from around the globe through my love for the medium; a traveler with a burning passion for affordable public transit and walkable cities. My GPA is good and my SAT scores exceptional, but I simply lack the volunteer extracurriculars that most "successful" college essays I've seen possess. I do have a job and that's made me more involved in my community during my senior year, but I worry it's not enough to get in to the selective schools I'd like. In your experience, how have college admissions viewed people in my generation (I'm HS class of 2024) who may lack volunteer service, but still have the motivation, passion, and drive in these essays above?

[@Collegeessayguy]

Since 2020, mostly because of Covid-19, lots of schools became more understanding of students not being able to volunteer their time outside of academic learning hours. You'll be OK to apply with whatever credentials you have, and a lack of volunteering should not set you back. Hope this helps!

[@grass6740]

1. Core values 2. Insight: answer the question "so what?" 3. vulnerability 4. craft - it's well written

[@Collegeessayguy]

Exactly!

[@grass6740]

@@Collegeessayguy Hiii, do you know where I can find more examples of montage essays?

[@Collegeessayguy]

Check here! www.collegeessayguy.com/blog/personal-statement-examples

[@owenblevins4981]

I’ve learned a ton from your videos thank you. I was planning on writing my essay about chasing the idea of perfection throughout the different aspects of my life and how I’ve come to terms with where I am but didn’t know if that was a unique enough topic. Any thoughts?

[@Collegeessayguy]

Sounds unique! That topic could work! A good question to ask yourself is: "Does this topic demonstrate the skills, qualities, values, and interests I offer the school as an incoming student?" If yes, then start outlining and writing your first drafts. If no, go back to brainstorming!

[@kaimemes]

In a lot of these essays the authors are being quite literal and saying directly what they’ve done while also explaining why they did it. However, in many other essays I’ve seen people are pretty non literal and try to “show” rather than tell or they use metaphors to get their point across. I’m confused do we need to be “metaphorical” or indirect in our essays?

[@Staceylamar]

I hope these essays are going to admissions at Berkley

[@Collegeessayguy]

I can't remember where these students applied!

[@kingkrusty7729]

So I'm planning on writing my essay about how having brain surgery as a kid effected my life & led me to develop a passion for the brain. Good idea?

[@LARISSA.KAY.]

Yes

[@Collegeessayguy]

That topic could work! A good question to ask yourself is: "Does this topic demonstrate the skills, qualities, values, and interests I offer the school as an incoming student?" If yes, then start outlining and writing your first drafts. If no, go back to brainstorming!

[@kingkrusty7729]

@@Collegeessayguy Thats what ive been trying to figure out! Thanks!

[@antn3lla]

Do you think including me being a twin, and how it has shaped me as a person would be good for my common app essay?

[@joselynedusabemungu7913]

Yea, it can work but the way you convey it matters alot. 😊

[@Collegeessayguy]

That topic could work! Believe it or not though, it's a pretty common topic. A good question to ask yourself is: "Does this topic demonstrate the skills, qualities, values, and interests I offer the school as an incoming student?" If yes, then start outlining and writing your first drafts. If no, go back to brainstorming!

[@yurireis4842]

Hey Ethan! I'am doubt in which subject I will approach! I am applying for economics this year and I have good extracurrilars in this area but I have a full search about my all genealogical tree, since the first founders until me and how this search impacted my life and my family cause I discovered that we descend from italians and through that, we are able to apply for our italian citizenship, what would give a better condition to my family if they moved to Europe. I am brazilian, and receive an european citizenship is a great opportunity for us brazilian, thats why I think to write about it, cause this generate an impact of lives, I have a book of finance either a genealogical file indexing since the first brazilian jewish colons until me and my family, which choice is the better? Remembering that I did every this alone, I was pioneer in everything! My financial book was read for some people and they loved, my genealogical report helped a lot of people too, I created two little companies one about citizenship application and another one is a company to borrow money. Help me!

[@Collegeessayguy]

Either of those topics could work! A good question to ask yourself is: "Does this topic demonstrate the skills, qualities, values, and interests I offer the school as an incoming student?" If yes, then start outlining and writing your first drafts. If no, go back to brainstorming! Also, maybe think about how you could merge these topics into one? :)

[@js6065]

The first seems stronger than the second. But that's me.

[@Collegeessayguy]

They're both strong in their own ways! Thanks for watching.

[@lattelover2]

Hi! I have a question about the topic of my planned college essay. I am planning on writing about baking (my passion) and connecting it to my traits. I was thinking about writing about the steps at baking or maybe the ingredients in a certain pastry that connect to my traits. Would this be a good idea or would it be too corny? Thanks!

[@Collegeessayguy]

That topic could work! A good question to ask yourself is: "Does this topic demonstrate the skills, qualities, values, and interests I offer the school as an incoming student?" If yes, then start outlining and writing your first drafts. If no, go back to brainstorming!

[@BlessingsPhineas]

Hey...is writing personal statement in narrative form advisable?

[@Collegeessayguy]

Yep! Lots of resources on writing narrative college essays here on my channel or on my website.

[@chetanpatil2293]

Hi really appreciate your work. I will be grateful if you can answer one question. Can someone write about fathers extramarital affair in common ap essay along with identity and background issues ?

[@Collegeessayguy]

Your personal statement should primarily focus on you and things you've done or experienced rather than things people around you have experienced. Hope this helps! If you'd like to mention it briefly, you could try it out--but we really mean BRIEF--a sentence or two.

[@chetanpatil2293]

@@Collegeessayguy Thanks a lot for your response. I shall be guided by you. But my bigger issue is that whetger colleges consider mention about fathers infidelity as negative for my application. I

[@Collegeessayguy]

@@chetanpatil2293 No--your father's behavior will not reflect badly on you in your college applications.

[@kadirimariamdamilola9905]

Please mmmake a video onn values

[@Collegeessayguy]

It exists! kzbin.info/www/bejne/nGangZeaopyYjKM

[@summer_5114]

Another amazing video. I personally likes the first one better because it’s more about her, while the second feel more about “activities” he did. I have a quick question about “why us” essay, it’s super short (150 words), can I do bullet points to save words? Like: 1. Good people, instead of xxx university has good people (just being dramatic here) 😂 is it an acceptable format?

[@Collegeessayguy]

I'd advise against strictly using bullet points--and most application portals don't allow for additional formatting. Check out some "Why us" examples here: www.collegeessayguy.com/blog/why-this-college-essay