I Believe My Husband Is TRYING To Initiate A Date With A Girl From His Gym - Reddit Podcast

[@shannonbullock2202]

"Why would she be interested in me anyway?" OP should've laughed and said, "oh she's definitely NOT and thats clear by her text, but she isn't the problem, YOU ARE!!"

[@kateworkman921]

Indeed. There's a HUGE difference between, "I'm not interested in this person," and "Why would this person be interested in me?"

[@nikkiwhray1598]

OP's husband is coming across as a real creeper. It seems like he targeted this young girl, specifically, because she has no friends at the gym. She seems shy and unwilling to set boundaries, but uninteresting in anything with this old man. She actually told him she'd like to get to know the others in his social circle, and it feels like he is preying on her desire for acceptance to get ger alone. This behavior reflects horribly on the establishment he works at.

[@Azulakayes]

He is a creep

[@jackchop1576]

Even if he's not trying to nail her, he's pulling that isolate and control dynamic that predators, abusers and general control freaks (narcissists, sociopaths, borderline personality disorder etc) all use on their victims.

[@Ashbrash1998]

@@jackchop1576 I think its going too far to call him an abuser or rspist

[@nikkiwhray1598]

@@jackchop1576 For sure! I honestly doubt this is the first time he's tried something like this. The way he manipulates and lies effortlessly, to both his wife and the girl. The way targeted the shy, friendless girl - the one who's least likely to complain to the gym or reach out to his wife. He didn't even hide his family on Insta, because it sells his "nice guy" approach. This is crafted, predatory behavior. The poor wife caught it by chance this time. But there's no way this was the only time.

[@pansprayers]

Don't victim blame the younger female here. This is gross on his behalf, it's SOLELY his fault as the MARRIED individual and he knows it, you should too. She's unwilling? Maybe unable/unaware. You're supposed to be able to trust a hired professional trainer. He's taking advantage of her.

[@rubymeaddle]

That girl is absolutely not interested in her husband. She's just being nice to him but her turning it into a group thing is definitely a gentle let down.

[@musicallydisneyamvs6731]

At first I wasn’t sure he was cheating or not. Felt it could be being too sociable & not realizing it. *After first Update* Oh he’s CHEATING. I could only get passed this with serious counseling.

[@Erinia13]

Lol more like trying to cheat, that girl doesn't seem interested in anything beyond friendship because first she tried to turn it into a group thing and then that potluck thing sounds like a excuse, her replies looked lukewarm at best. He's always trying to initiate contact honestly when I was in my early twenties a man twice my age was just like this and to me it came across as desperate not a good look, unless you're the kind of girl that goes after this type of suckers to empty their wallets. But if she showed real interest dude would dive into her bed asap. If I was OP I would split he was trying to initiate an affair, he'll do it again.

[@stillvisibletoallusers]

@@Erinia13 I agree with everything you've said and have been in the same position and honestly thought the same thing. Gross old man (I know 40 isn't old but that was double my age at the time). She doesn't sound interested imo. But maybe I'm projecting.

[@heathermiller5765]

@@stillvisibletoallusers He’s 50 not 40. OP is the 40-year-old

[@stillvisibletoallusers]

@@heathermiller5765 that was a personal experience I used to respond to a comment that was there earlier.

[@Daimah]

@@stillvisibletoallusers She didn't sound interested to me either, more like she was looking to socialize than seeking anything romantic.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 1: "do you like her" "Yes" "Well too bad fuck wit...because she OBVIOUSLY doesn't like you back."

[@hothotheat3000]

If that girl had invited him to her place, he’d have gone in a heartbeat. He’s gunning for some strange.

[@AndyyWithAY]

She definitely does not want this man 2x her age. He might be older than her father. She clearly wanted this to be a group thing the way she asked who else was coming. I hope OP does not hold this against her.

[@SherriLyle80s]

Yep! OP's husband is a total sleeze

[@GiordanDiodato]

Is a big age difference when they're both adults a bad thing? Obviously cheating is still bad, but why complain about the age difference?

[@Azulakayes]

He is gross...I hope that girl stays away from him.

[@thedestroyasystem]

@@GiordanDiodato oftentimes age gap relationships come under fire for two reasons: 1, the people are at very different stages in life and are incompatible/less compatible because of that. A 26 year old may be ready to start a family while a 50 year old might have already had all the kids they wanted (just an example). And 2, age gaps often come with differences in power. A person who is older might use this power (status, finances, knowledge of the younger person’s naivety) to take advantage of the younger one. Age gap relationships can be functional, equal partnerships, but they can also be avenues to take advantage of younger people. Personally, I think it’s gross to be going after someone who’s young enough to be your child, but that’s just my opinion.

[@damien678]

@@GiordanDiodato To add on to the comment above, it's veeery common for men to pursue younger women and drop the older one they're with, try to excuse it with "biologically men are into younger women bc fertility and blah blah", and it is based in a lot of misogyny. Which just compounds other reasons age gaps can be bad.

[@starbird3939]

Story 1 - It’s iffy. A 50 year old sharing his phone nunber with a 20 something is not good. Update: It sounds like he is trying to cheat. He asked her out to dinner, alone

[@GiordanDiodato]

what is it with people complaining about age gaps larger than 10 years. if they're both adults, why does it matter? that said, cheating is scummy

[@RosesCookiesAndMilk]

@@GiordanDiodato the bigger the age gap the less chance they have anything in common. A 20 year old would want to go out anytime after work and have fun. A man in their 50s has to juggle child care and can’t be out partying every weekend

[@jonmendelson1104]

@@RosesCookiesAndMilk In many cases a man in his 50s won't have to worry too much about child care. Most people have kids in their 20s and 30s (though a man who pursues much younger women is more likely to be an exception to that). There's a strong chance by the time they're in their 50s, their kids will be off to college. I'd argue that energy levels would be the main thing that would keep the guy in his 50s from partying every weekend more than having to watch their kids. I'd say the biggest reason people are weirded out by it is the potential that the older person has kids who are roughly the same age as the younger one, or if they don't have kids, the older person could be the same age as the younger person's dad. There can also be power dynamics if the older person is very well established in their career, owns their house, ... and the younger person is just out of college/in debt. Of course financial imbalances can happen even with people who are the same age too, but it feels worse when one of the people is significantly older than the other. I definitely find it weird when someone goes after someone half their age, but depending on the actual ages, 10+ years might not be a huge deal. A 71 year old and a 60 year old wouldn't be super weird, but a 29 year old with an 18 year old is definitely weird. I haven't really thought about specific numbers too much, but I know I've heard a "rule" a few times about half your age plus seven years. The main thing is that at younger ages, a larger gap in age is more significant. The difference between my brother and myself is about 3 years, and our life experience is somewhat the same with both of us in our mid 30s, but my niblings are about 3 years apart in age, but they're 4 and 7 so they've had a vastly different amount of life experience.

[@madarawijerathne276]

@@GiordanDiodato is this consent from that girl tho. Been in her shoes naive idiot last thing we assume about friendly older man is he's into you. If she's older and wiser she would see this bs miles away and set boundaries. She had lot of growing up to do obviously. That's why age gap relationship is dangerous especially for those age under 25.

[@robertx8020]

@@GiordanDiodato I agree as long as the younger one is above around 25- 30 But yeah ofc it can be a powerplay but it's not like these things can't happen when both are of the same age! And these relations might be even more dangerous!

[@atinyevil1383]

I think the other lady is trying to make friends and isn’t interested/isn’t even picking up on the advances of this man. I also think OP needs to drop him like a sack of potatoes and message the other lady about this.

[@mayallyourbaconburn]

Oh, she’s picking up on it. She’s only been accommodating thus far probably because she doesn’t want to seem rude and might not have the courage to set boundaries. But she’s using the same tactics I used when I was young and uncomfortable. Asking and hinting that she would prefer not to be alone with him. Giving excuses not to see him but saying “another time” but never gives when “another time” might be. Dropping hint after hint that he is only a friend, she is only looking to be a friend and nothing more. She’s giving him the gentle let down.

[@madarawijerathne276]

@@mayallyourbaconburn probably oblivious at the first at massaging phase she knew. If she knew from get go she wouldn't be massaging imo.

[@llcdrdndgrbd]

@@mayallyourbaconburn I think she probably made a mistake going to dinner

[@gaaraxnaru]

​@@madarawijerathne276It's not easy to just stop messaging someone you see on a frequent basis. Especially as a woman.

[@ElleD308]

omg!!! I wanna slap/hug this woman.... She could find her husband on top of another woman on the bed and be like... Well, maybe he fell and she was there to buy cookies, because I trust his character..... The only reason they didn't have anything physical was because the gym girl was clearly not interested in him and he was doing EVERYTHING to get with her.

[@JustAnotherBuckyLover]

I really hope she gets counselling, even if it's just solo because the denial hurts and she deserves better than a sleazebag. And I'm sorry, but my gut says there's no way this is the first time he's done this if he's in his fifties. Gross.

[@ElleD308]

@@JustAnotherBuckyLover I agree... I'm sure this isn't the first nor the last time he does this. And I really hope she seeks professional help so she can stop her denial and realize how she deserves a better and happier life with her baby and mental peace.

[@videofan1010]

This made me laugh 😂

[@carolroberts4614]

I think you're right about it not being his first time doing this! A bit old for a midlife crisis to start, and he's altogether too smooth.

[@pansprayers]

@@carolroberts4614 a midlife crisis doesn't have an age lock. And considering that current life expectancy is in the 80's and 90's in many demographics, 50 is pretty middle age. Strange you'd think otherwise, unless you're like 20.

[@jp8649]

It's SUPER weird for a married man to try to "hang out" with a much younger woman. It's inappropriate. He's being SUCH a creeper. I feel for the younger woman because I used to be just like her. I never wanted to just assume that someone was interested in me romantically. It led to A LOT of conflict. If you're like "Hey, this is weird" dudes get fucking pissed that you'd assume their intentions were icky, but if you think it was just a friendship then you're an evil succubus who uses men. There's no win. It especially sucks when you don't have a lot of friends in your area and are super lonely for friendship. Both women deserve better.

[@madarawijerathne276]

100% correct and they have huge potential to be physically aggressive when you confronted it's so damn scary, disgusting and insulting

[@brianaschmidt910]

There was a reddit question vid on what scares women most about men and they didn't understand why we would be scared almost to the point of traumatic

[@Gymtoshi]

This man SERIOUSLY followed through with a date with another woman after knowing his wife knew… wtf is wrong with him? How AWFUL! I’d divorce him for that alone

[@19WolfGirl74]

Whether the girl was into him or not doesn’t matter. He still started an emotional affair. One sided or mutual, it’s still an emotional affair.

[@WabbitHunter68]

I very much doubt this was the first time either.

[@draconisdragonheart4248]

I agree 100%. He isn't trustworthy and she needs a divorce.

[@manxiefeathermoon9888]

A 50 year old man has almost nothing in common with a 20 something woman.

[@ladyfaeryj5108]

Disagree, its like me being 33 and loving hanging out with 6 months to 13 year olds. I am a parent so I guess that could be the difference. Also most of my coworkers are 10 years younger than me and always invite me outr

[@robertx8020]

@@ladyfaeryj5108 The only disadvantage of hanging out with a 13 year old son /daugher...the/she ALWAYS leave you with the bill 🤣🤣😂

[@llcdrdndgrbd]

It’s just that a 26 year old tends to have a very different energy/ set of experiences that would be sort of not very relatable to most 50 year olds

[@mscopycat5137]

You're 33 and you said your co worker is 10 years younger meaning that she is 23. A ten year age gap although big is not the same as a 30 year age gap. As a 22 year old if a creepy old 50 year old man came up to me I'd be incredibly suspicious. We have nothing in common and it's weird.

[@robertx8020]

@@mscopycat5137 But why add the word 'creepy' in your statement? Wouldn't it depend of what he would want from you? What would he want from an 'immature' 20 yr old? /s

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: 1) "He was just deleting stuff off his phone indiscriminately" Right, and the fact that he knows you know about her and brought her up the day before has nothing to do with it? There is no such thing as coincidence, and it's awfully convenient that those are the things he decides to randomly delete. Personally, I have every contact member's text messages from the beginning of time (OK, fine, since I bought my phone more than ten years ago), and I've never deleted any of them. Text messages do not take up a lot of room. 2) "He doesn't question me about stuff on my phone" We call this deflecting, and borderline gaslighting. 3) "I need to trust him about the kind of person he is" Why? You've told him you're uncomfortable with him seeing this girl, and instead of saying "I'm sorry honey I never meant to make you feel this way, I'll cut contact," he basically tells you to get over it. 4) "He wasn't serious about seeing her again." Now he's flat-out lying to your face, because he asked for a specific timeframe with her. I don't trust him at all. Yep, called it. I'm not sure he's being completely truthful even now; he's already lied to your face. This would be a deal-breaker for me because the trust is gone.

[@MsTemptation]

Gross. He’s trying to replace his current wife with a newer model. Plus he was trying to gaslight his wife by saying she should trust him because he’s not a bad guy. Liars are bad guys. Lusting over a woman who isn’t your wife and trying to form a romantic connection is what a bad person would do.

[@damien678]

That's not gaslighting, but it is sleezy and manipulative af! Some emotional guilt-tripping to make her look at herself instead of him

[@teresadurham8828]

@@damien678 That's literally what gaslighting is...

[@damien678]

@@teresadurham8828 NO IT'S NOT. Manipulating someone's opinion and MAKING THEM FEEL LIKE THEY'RE GOING INSANE is completely different Manipulation and gaslighting are not the same. I didn't even know I was gaslight for years until my therapist told me, and in those years I developed Psychotic Experiences (not enough symptoms to be diagnosed with anything like Psychosis), primarily hallucunations. THAT'S the effects of gaslighting. And being distinct terms clinically is important because it informs the kind of care your client needs. Being manipulated into thinking you're the morally bad guy in a situation, but then realising you're not, doesn't make you feel like you might be genuinely insane. It makes you not trust others. Gaslighting makes you scared for your head and it's well-being, makes you start to doubt your own senses - as in I can't trust if when I hear something if it was just my head or something outside - and makes you not be able to trust yourself. Two different things.

[@damien678]

@@teresadurham8828 gaslighting means you can't trust your own basic senses and MEMORY, and leads to you trusting your gaslighter over yourself. it's very hard to be able to know you're being gaslight on your own. I could still tell when I was being manipulated and they were trying to skew my perspective of a fight, like me being the aggressive one. but I couldn't remember if certain things happened, and I'd have to take their word for it a lot because I couldn't trust my memory. Yes, manipulation can turn into gaslighting, but it's not the same. You have to actively undermine that person's trust in their sight, sound, memory. In very basic things. I literally cannot even tell you what they did to make me not trust my own. It's not something you can pinpoint unless you catch them in the act or, say, moving things and telling you they never moved it, or it wasn't where you left it... which typically leads to unsuccessful gaslighting attempts. This is why it's staggeringly easy to ACTUALLY gaslight people who are schizro-affected, who have psychosis, and people like me whom just have a few symptoms but can't be diagnosed with anything like that.

[@rubymeaddle]

@@teresadurham8828 it is NOT gaslighting. Gaslighting involves making the victim question their reality.

[@gobbochune3874]

so frustrating that op saw the girl texting 'oh wait other ppl wont be there' as her scumbag husband basically tried to coerce her for a date she clearly didn't want and it was 'idk she still said yes tho :/' but when her husband, sweating bullets, said 'im ttly not cheating lmao' she was like 'i will trust my husband!' like her denial is real

[@juliearmfield2634]

A married man doesn't go out on dates with other women.

[@eliarchon]

I would literally divorce him. I've been through this too many times. There's literally no tolerance for cheating anymore and people shouldn't have tolerance for it. I hope she gets some self respect and leaves his ass.

[@lostlilmew]

It's emotional cheating because he would cheat on her if the younger woman was willing. He is actively pursuing a relationship to be closer to her. Heartbreaking. Absolutely feel for this poor woman. It's hard to not be in denial when you're in love with someone and want to believe the best in them. :(

[@pansprayers]

It's stalking. If you want to correct people's language, then use the right words. He's using his position of authority to STALK a younger woman. This isn't about any emotional affair nonsense - that requires both people participating willingly and knowingly. He's stalking her and that's about control.

[@lynnw7155]

Asking him about the young woman will just get you denials. And he'll learn to be sneakier. I'd bet he hasn't stopped talking to this woman, and will be interested in the next pretty woman who comes along. I'm not sure I'd ever totally trust him.

[@k3upikachu]

@@pansprayersI wouldn't go that far unless he's constantly checking up on her and continues bothering her if she tells him to leave her alone. In my experience with both stalkers and creeps, he's absolutely being a creep, but his behavior does not constitute stalking

[@cloudedheart_]

I dislike that comment from the woman criticizing the OP for 'talking about it with strangers on the internet and not her husband.' Give the woman a break, she's in a very difficult position and she's merely seeking advice. She *is* planning to talk to her husband about it, she's finding the right way to do it.

[@truthseeker9249]

People who talk about stuff online usually have literally no one in real life to turn to which is very sad. Give people a little sympathy would ya?

[@carolroberts4614]

Oh, there's some people that know exactly what to do in every situation without needing any help or advice! Must be nice to be so perfect.

[@micheleosullivan4430]

When you spend years with a partner, the little things are what we notice in one another. They can be tiny things an outsider would never see, but the SO does. I can tell when my husband has a mild headache, or if something is weighing him down, no matter how trivial. OP stayed with her intuition and instincts. I hope everything works out between them. Another great release! Thank you!

[@toshi9742]

I’d be wondering how many other times this has happened before- I mean he started deleting their messages and pursuing her even after she gave clear signs of not being interested (ie trying to make it a group thing/telling him that she just wants to make friends etc). He’s a predator and the wife needs to get away from him before he other gaslights her into denial or ‘convinces her’ to an ‘open relationship’ (which will obviously be one sided).

[@Sassy_Kat]

I agree. I bet it’s not the 1st time either. Just 1st she caught him. I know that they’re not supposed to get involved with clients, but I also know that a lot of people who go to gyms end up hooking up/cheating with other members. Our local one had half the people there cheating/hooking up with other members and some trainers, til one girl got caught by her husband n decided to blast it all over fb and bring down everyone with her. It was not pretty. Lots of divorces. We have a semi small community, that everyone knows everyone or someone in that family.

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

Even if he does cut contact with the girl (he won't), there will be someone else. OP needs to learn to keep evidence and not say anything, he now knows where she's checking and to hide it. Evidence will help her in a divorce and to get custody

[@poohbear4515]

We probably will never understand why people will cheat on their partners. It not only destroys the partner’s trust in them, but possibly the other partner of the mistress and or misters. Some cheaters are just plain assholes if they actually enjoy the rush of seeing their partner in utter pain from their disgusting actions. I think in weddings they might as well say “Till death do you part, unless if theres a hot woman, or handsome man”.

[@shannonbullock2202]

There is no real reason. We all fall short and have our vices. It has nothing to do with a cheater's spouse or their relationship and everything to do with the cheater's own shortcomings and insecurities. Some people are more prone to addiction or stealing and some more prone to cheat.

[@commondirtbagz7130]

It’s lack of empathy. There’s this idea that people who lack empathy are incapable of feeling or consciously choose not to empathize with people. The truth is, cheaters(in this instance), aren’t going out of their way to hurt their spouses in most cases. They just genuinely don’t think about it. They’re too caught up in their affairs and themselves to do so. That’s why they react the way they do when they’re caught, saying that they didn’t mean it. Most of the time they didn’t. With that being said, I wouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t have the ability to think about my feelings.

[@TheIronwil]

This entire story was nothing short of ridiculous. Personal trainers seem to cheat on their partners with more regularity than a heartbeat. It was beyond obvious this was sketchy as hell. The lying on top of it all wasn’t just dishonest, it was disrespectful. An insult to his wife’s intelligence. Sounds like OP has confidence problems she needs to work through it. There’s zero percent chance I’d continue in the marriage after this kind of unfaithful and deceptive behavior.

[@honeypot8524]

He was actively trying to start an affair, just waiting for an opportunity. OP should divorce him because what happens when he had another crush?

[@claudettewalker8358]

You're right. She should leave him. This was not his first attempt. He's a smooth and persistent operator!!

[@littlestrawberryfaery]

" He doesn't wear a wedding band at the gym " Ònó oooh honey he's pulling some sh×t Now I know mental wedding rings can be ouchies in the gym but why not wear it as a necklace? Get one of those stetchy silicon wedding rings??

[@truthseeker9249]

That's a good idea. I never wear my promise ring from my boyfriend to work because I work with food and it could get dirty or if my hands are wet it could slip off. But when I marry my boyfriend I never want to be without my wedding ring. Thanks for the tip.

[@littlestrawberryfaery]

@@truthseeker9249 welcome 💜

[@robertx8020]

tbh I never wear ANY jewelry in the gym ...I had an accident with a necklage once ...but tbh I can't cheat atm so it makes no difference and TBH when I was married and CLEARLY wore a ring some female colleague came on to me and tried her stuff ...it did end badly! So a ring isn't some secret shield for some ppl But again, I would NOT wear a necklace! (with a ring ) JUST DON'T CHEAT!

[@truthseeker9249]

@@robertx8020 I understand. And now that I think about it, wearing it on a necklace would make it easier for someone to steal it from you cause you're kind of advertising it. No one really pays attention to your hands that much but when they look directly at you they can see your face your chest and anything you might be wearing it around your neck. And they can just reach out and rip the necklace right off you.

[@robertx8020]

@@truthseeker9249 Also possible :) And i didn't need a ring to fend of 'female cheaters' or maybe I was to ugly 🤣 ..either way ..I don't need to show a ring.. The ring can stay at home 🤣

[@luciferandassociates9255]

Damn it, why do they always have to be cheating. Here I was just hoping it was all friend gym bros and gals but no he had to go and have a crush. Why can't you just be friends with people without crushing on them. Why! WHY! Oh well I guess.

[@carolroberts4614]

I know! My ex was like that! Leaping from one to another as well with gay abandon!

[@atinyevil1383]

The husband needs more garlic bread.

[@debl3063]

The texts didn't sound romantic to me. I was sure OP was going to find out her husband found a daughter he didn't know he had and they were meeting to get to know each other. But husband was afraid OP would be mad or something so wasn't telling her right away. Nope. Cheating. Sigh.

[@thedestroyasystem]

@@debl3063 I went to relative first, too. Not daughter, but I thought maybe a younger sister? That theory got dashed pretty quickly though.

[@stevenclark1662]

In a relationship, having a lil crush is fine, acting on a crush is a huge no-no

[@judithhansford4629]

Time for the talk. Stop wondering if and just ask. He's flirting and this needs to be confirmed.

[@tracy238]

The relationship is over, there is no trust. I don't believe you would ever get that back.

[@ukchanak]

It's definitely a date. When i hang out with other men, i always tell my husband about it beforehand and talk about what we did afterwards

[@PinkMarshmallows]

To me, it seems like she was interested at first, but when she saw he was married she backed off (I don't have IG, so I don't know how it works) and became uncomfortable with his attention.

[@pansprayers]

Or, she was just being friendly, assuming that she can trust the professional trainer she hired. Not every person who is friendly to the gender they're usually attracted to wants to sleep with them. The husband is a stalker, this is about control.

[@madarawijerathne276]

Probably not she probably thought he's being her good friend and older man is possibly into her. That's common mistake girls do.

[@dianeessex300]

In my neck of the woods, that's called a midlife crisis. They're not uncommon, and if caught soon enough, the relationship can be repaired, but only if he gets help, IMO.

[@cathyevans2160]

Definitely a mid-life crisis!!

[@linhl4710]

This is emotional cheating. Crushes and attractions are completely normal for anyone, even married people. It's actually healthy. But the moment you ACT ON those feelings then that's a no. The cheater can justify it however they like. Still wrong.

[@thedestroyasystem]

Agreed. Wanted to add: is SO important to be transparent with your partner about any attractions you experience. Your honesty will ease their worries. If they see you acting different around/towards a specific person (and they WILL notice), they’re more likely to feel insecure or suspect cheating than if you straight up tell them “hey, I’ve got a crush on xyz. I love you and I value our relationship so I wanted to be transparent with you; I am by no means going to pursue them, but I wanted you to know how I’m feeling.”

[@belalugosisdead4444]

How is having crushes when you're in a monogamous relationship healthy? When I have crushes, I'm pining and yearning and will engage with that person if they wanted me too. I absolutely cannot see how feeling like that is considered normal and healthy while you're supposed to be committed to someone.

[@pansprayers]

He's stalking her. This is about control, not romance. Words mean things.

[@pansprayers]

@@belalugosisdead4444 I've had crushes and so has my husband. I guess we have a level of self control (what is this 'longing and yearning' about, Jane Austen?) that you don't have? I don't know. But, yeah, you can have a crush on someone and not turn it into a Victorian Era fainting couch scenario. That's called self control and communication. This dude's a stalker though

[@belalugosisdead4444]

@@pansprayers I have a lot of self control, never once had a crush on someone while I was in a committed relationship. Doesn't matter how attractive someone else is, I don't waste time on thinking about it and any positive feelings are platonic.

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

I'm just saying me and my best friend would suddenly be having our own little date at the same restaurant shortly after theirs started (although I agree she doesn't seem interested and almost feels like she's forcing it to feel comfortable. I definitely remember the feeling of thinking I had to do something so I wasn't making things awkward) and then just ask him what he's doing there and who this woman is and introduce myself as his as of the moment wife.

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

@@LegendaryCS4 now now, let's not be mean to pigs. But yes, copies of everything, that is now gone forever (unless the other girl sends her it) and now it's just her word against his. This guy can gaslight her making her believe it never even happened in a few years because there's no evidence, he's not going to stop

[@zachf748]

I don’t see how people can work through this type of thing. Because you can’t ever trust your husband again. There’s just too much going against it : - He actively sought out and hit up attractive young girl(s). - He asked, and took, her on a date. - He lied to OP the whole time, never telling her about it. - Even after she caught him and expressed her uneasiness about the date, he lied to her face and went on the date. - Came home and immediately texted her for a second date. - When confronted again, he _again_ lied to his wife. Making her force it out of him. - He clearly was attracted to her, and instead of thinking _Oh wow, she’s hot_ then _maybe_ looking through all her pictures at most. Instead he DM’s the stranger and goes for a date. Seeking out a hot girl for a date is despicable. - Worst of all, he didn’t cheat, but *_solely_* because she was uninterested in the creepy 50 year old guy. Had she been down, he woulda cheated that night. Not a single decent husband in the world sees an attractive younger woman, gets a crush, and then instead of being a decent husband, he pursues it and asks for a date… Decent husbands all over the world develop crushes, even with friends or co-workers and instead of trying to get closer to her, they realize they have to back off until they get over it. This guy can’t even do that with a complete stranger. His actions are absolutely despicable.

[@myounakami]

The big thing is that he only fessed up once she threatened separation; when he realized he couldn't lie his way out of trouble, had nuked his marriage without having a younger woman to fall back on, and was faced with the reality of becoming a fifty-year-old divorcee if he didn't suddenly feel guilty and suggest marriage counseling. I can practically guarantee if the other woman had reciprocated his advances at any point, he wouldn't be trying nearly as hard to salvage the marriage.

[@kyriacarica5862]

Husband only felt guilty because he knows deep down that the girl isn’t into him. If she were, he’d be hiding stuff like a pro.

[@angelaa7388]

No way was that the first time he has met up with young women for dates from the gym. This is just the first time he got caught.

[@VirginiaSunrise11]

I had the same though

[@VikingsRazor]

Despise was a real triggering word. So how about dislike? that people in general thinks that it's wrong to look in their partner's phone or device. If you're truly dedicated, there's nothing to worry about. I always tell new people who give me their contact info, that my husband has full access to my phone and not to write, or send anything that they don't want anyone else to see. There was only one time that I told him to stay out of my phone. It was when I was planning his retirement ceremony and party, but he knew the reason why.

[@mennystrat9561]

I really despise that people in general think that it's right to do that, see? counter-argument: if you believe your partner, you'll have no need to look through their phone. if you trust them, you'll have no need to spy on them. and if you see them as an independent individual who's choosing to stay with you, you'll understand that their right to privacy is unrelated to cheating or secrecy, but is a recognition of their individuality. honestly, having full access to each other's everything is gross. just gross. it's a weird, co-dependent thing that's become quite loud in the recent years I've noticed, and I cannot get to the bottom of it. like this whole approach of "my husband and I are one" or what-have-you is just... no? and erasing the lines between your individuality is just a straight path to fostering co-dependence. hard pass.

[@VikingsRazor]

@@mennystrat9561 that's the great thing about one having their own opinion. We've been married for over 20 years now, ww get along well and so I guess that we're pretty enmeshed. I think that what I find bothersome is when a partner answers the phone, call, text or whatever and sees something bad. I think that it's great that you feel how you do and it's fine to feel how I do. Thankfully, at least, I live in a free country and won't go to jail for my opinion, when others, you apparently, take offense. What's weird is that people think married or long time partners are gross for all of your descriptions above. Dedicated people have been like that for a long time.

[@mennystrat9561]

@@VikingsRazor I appreciate your cutthroat, hardcore, "you took offense, boo on you" response, it's cute. unfortunately, you posted your opinion online, which allows everyone to voice their own and even pit their own against yours. also unfortunately for you, I live in a free country too, and ain't nobody going to jail here for any opinion. genuinely, if you're flaunting the fact that you have full access to your partner's everything, and everything anybody texts them may be seen by you, you and your partner are crudely inconsiderate of other people's want for privacy and the fact if someone's talking to your husband, they should be talking to just him, and believe, and trust that their thoughts will stay with him. clearly, they will not. enjoy your enmeshment. I wish you, quite genuinely, the best of luck and love and for you two to enjoy your lives. but I despise your approach.

[@sopadumacacoumadelicia5]

@@VikingsRazor Who hurt you?????

[@mennystrat9561]

@@sopadumacacoumadelicia5 do you want a list? LOL

[@fostermom2cats821]

I unfortunately am dealing with betrayal from my husband of almost 21 yrs of marriage. We are working through it but it's extremely hard. It can happen but doubt in everything is stuck in your mind.

[@fostermom2cats821]

@@thecrowuknow thank you very much. Unfortunately I have what's called betrayal trauma now. I had no idea so many things would trigger me and make me break down like this story did. My husband is trying to make it right and we have marriage counseling. I never thought in a million yrs this would ever happen to me especially by my husband.

[@carolroberts4614]

That's the worst, isn't it? Someone who you think is your best friend as well as husband/partner is suddenly cosied up to someone else, and they turn into a stranger before your very eyes! It happened to me many years ago. He thought he could stay despite many affairs, but there's no way that could have worked. Anyway I hope your situation gets resolved as unmessily as possible. All the best to you.

[@fostermom2cats821]

@@carolroberts4614 thank you. I am sorry you had to go through this as well. His only saving grace is he had his conscience hit him before he did anything physical but didn't tell me about it until I landed on his emails yrs later. If he had actually did the deed, we would be divorced. But he was trying to hook up with several women for several yrs.

[@candypettynettie487]

The husband started deleting the messages after he went on a date the wife knew about? OP is in DENIAL! WTH?!

[@lisawhereisthecultjam]

The young lady wasn’t interested but the guy sure was. Poor OP. If not her, then there will be someone else.

[@ellorasg4525]

Story 1: Okay that's sus af. Confront him OP!

[@jennilynne1977]

Yay! My day wasn't going very well, but then I got a notification that Mark posted a video and my day instantly got better! Thank you Mark! I hope everyone is having a great day/afternoon/night! Peace, hugs and love to everyone!

[@helenlewis2510]

Emotional affairs are just as bad as physical ones

[@madisonl3401]

I love that you have been adding the funny story at the end of the last few videos! 💪🙏💪🙏 Have a pint and relax with the Nugget!

[@justinecorrington4106]

Op’s husband is too skilled at manipulating her for this is to be new behavior. OP even said his behavior hasn’t changed

[@deborahyoung1873]

OP is a fool to keep wanting to stay with him.

[@icantchange.youtubesaysine7338]

I know this is some nerdy stuff and non of you may be interested but it’s made me happy. I’ve been building up a Minecraft world for awhile now and I’ve only just gone exploring further and I’ve found 4 desert temples in the last half an hour. Got some good loot. I’m very happy. Hope y’all had or have a good day. Edit: five desert temples now. Edit 2: Siiiiiix! Sorry. I’m proper giddy.

[@Kimmie_78]

My little sister loves minecraft shes building her world and loves to share with me , hope your world continues to grow

[@carolroberts4614]

I don't know anything about Mine craft but it sounds fascinating!

[@thevoidismyhome7242]

You do you, funky fren. Have a lovely time getting the good kush from the Temples!

[@icantchange.youtubesaysine7338]

@@Kimmie_78 Thanks and I hope your sisters worlds keeping growing. Minecraft worlds mean so much (especially when you’ve built them for so long). Hope your having a lovely day.

[@icantchange.youtubesaysine7338]

@@carolroberts4614 Yeah. It’s really awesome. Me and my friend have been nerding out (Been texting them over discord and giving them the locations). It’s so awesome. I’m excited to go back to them and build them up to look cooler! Aaaaaaa! Sorry if I’m annoying but I feel like a child that just got Christmas early! It’s a really nice feeling. (Even if it’s for a video game lolz). Hope you’ve had a wonderful day!!

[@theseawriter]

Spent the past 8 hours playing DnD with my cousins. It was amazing.

[@lauriehallberg5807]

Absolutely require marriage counseling or separation/divorce.

[@holyek7892]

Hilarious! All the people that are hopeful that the relationship was innocent they are chums. I'm sorry OP has been put in this position.

[@RosesCookiesAndMilk]

This man ruined his marriage for a woman who didn’t even like him back. How embarrassing

[@rumooooni]

😂😂😂😂😂😩👌🏻 true comedy fr fr

[@janejane6754]

She should leave him not just cause he's possibly cheating but also he's a creep. He's 50 and she's 26 ugh.

[@dawnstone4424]

Last story had me cackling. You’re never too old to laugh about farts. Even if “they”say you are.

[@paden1865able]

My husband and I lay in bed talking after lights out and one of us will break wind, then both of us laugh like children, so hard that more gas gets expelled, which ends up with us having aching ribs and tears of laughter streaming down. I will say that the cat doesn't appreciate it, though. 🤪

[@sarahshock6805]

Is this cheating? Maybe. Is it an affair? NO. An affair requires an affair partner.or partners. This younger woman never got with OP's husband in any way, so she was not an affair partner.

[@Silence-1170]

Have a great day waffles wishing you all well! Just called my dad to talk to him and we had a fun time talking to each other!

[@carolroberts4614]

That's nice!

[@stillvisibletoallusers]

You have a great day too fellow waffle. Yay for fun convos with your dad 😁

[@lilywong9672]

Most personal trainers are cheaters from my experience.

[@Metonymy1979]

A divorce lawyer said 1 of the 5 professions not to marry is, Personal Trainer.

[@bioshockbrat9171]

Story 1: I have complete honesty with my SO, no phone locks. OP needs to communicate with her partner, personally I'd play dumb and ask to come to meet her, "I've been thinking about making new friends!" If it's innocent; it shouldn't be an issue

[@jacegallagher8589]

Everything before the "Let's hang out sometime" comment sounded like it could have just been a recruitment pitch to get more gym members. However, from that particular message on, everything sounded a little suspect.

[@Ash-kp8rt]

If you have a 2 yr old and time to try to cheat then you're not doing enough parenting and housework.

[@paulchaudoir190]

Why can't she simply inform the other woman about the situation? Let her know about the fact he's married. I mean he has already gaslighted his wife into believing they don't need marriage counseling. She needs to let the world know what's going on. (Their families)

[@MargaritaOnTheRox]

The other woman knows he's married. Whatever her reasons, she's not interested in the husband. She just wants to meet new people and be nice. She's not the problem. The husband is. He's still pursuing her despite the fact that he's married.

[@Choachno3]

This breaks my heart.

[@Josku2411]

Oop a tad late still emotionally recovering from Stranger things s4 finale

[@hi_itspoohbear]

it really seems like the young woman was trying her best to get out of this situation without escalating anything 😬

[@CreepyBlueAnimals84]

A personal trainer can discuss exercise techniques, food habits and all other training related stuff at the gym. This man is looking to hook up!!!

[@anneduggan1014]

He brought in someone outside your marriage!!!!! He needs to go to counseling or LEAVE HIM!!!!!

[@anonymouse9833]

I'm betting he's done this before. What a creep.

[@RosesTeaAndASD]

If OP was any further in denial then she'd be in Egypt.🤦‍♀️

[@AraAra6367]

Feels like him deleting the messages is what solidified it for me. He got his feelings hurt and since looking through his phone is how OP found out, it looks particularly damning

[@Beagle04]

This was exhausting. Op wants to be a doormat soooooo bad.

[@hm5468]

My poor baby really f-ed this sting operation, I’m so sorry for her.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Hey you yes you remember to take care of yourself gosh darn it, you are always valid, and I love you and care about you so please take care of yourself 💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗

[@kichikitsu]

Okay, a comment after update 1: she doesn't seem interested. She seems to have been under the impression it was a casual, but still slightly business-y, friendship that could potentially allow her to have a group of friends that are interested in the gym. As soon as the husband said he wants to "get to know her," her response turns.. Cold compared to her earlier responses. Short and "oh ok." Then also leaving him on seen lmao. She definitely comes across as uncomfy and I wouldn't be surprised if she tries to distance herself from him after this. Let's see where this goes... Update 2: yeeep, definitely sounds like she's trying to indiscreetly shut down his advances while husband is trying to go full speed ahead. Update 3: yeah, I don't see how OP could even think of giving him a second chance. Lots of long term relationships experience crushes but it's a completely different thing to *try to act on it.* He feels guilty bc he knows he could have chosen to just... not reach out in an attempt to start something. Also, yikes, he thought he still might've had a chance with her and was trying to keep that option open by saying he "doesn't feel comfortable unfriending her." Like she's ever gonna want to hang out with him again lol

[@Purple_Dragonfly2002]

Ngl it sounds like OP's husband just has a new friend [haven't seen the comments yet] After 1st update Never mind sounds like OP'S husband is trying to get a date and the girl sounds like she's hopeful it's just a friend thing Yikes the husband is definitely trying to cheat but the girl still seems very iffy about it.

[@adamwilliams4928]

Yuck. These So called "crush" situations are one of the most infuriating things to deal with in a relationship. Just the whole "dipping your toes in but not going for a swim" aspect of it. 😤

[@joreyn7656]

The husband comes across so creepy. He's literally old enough to be her dad, and she doesn't come across as interested in him to me. It sounds like she's trying to make connections at the gym, hence suggesting a group gathering with other gym people. Poor OP. I'd always be paranoid about my husband's behavior at the gym going forward.

[@crystalice3057]

Crushes are inevitable. You can't stop them from happening. What you can control is how you act around that person. And if you don't trust yourself around that person, you remove yourself from the situation. Period.

[@tomfoolery342]

I work with a lot of males (yes, I'm male too), and let me tell you EVRY SINGLE ONE OF THEM IS CHEATING, and the ones that are not, are actively trying. I can only speak from my experience, and before anyone one says it, I'm not saying women don't cheat.

[@damien678]

all of them? bloody yuck

[@tomfoolery342]

@@damien678 It's really sad honestly, because I see their spouses occasionally, and think to myself "If only they knew what a sleaze ball they are married to".

[@damien678]

@@tomfoolery342 that's so tragic, holy shit. do you all work at a gym like OP's husband?

[@tomfoolery342]

@@damien678 No, Automotive and Trucking, very male dominant. I've been told that before I worked there that there were 2 women employees. One manager ended his marriage for one of them, the other one slept around with most of the guys there. Now, the owner will not hire anymore women (instead of dealing with the misogyny and questionable behavior by the employees, both male and female).🤷‍♀

[@damien678]

@@tomfoolery342 Bloody hell, as if lesbians don't exist, too. That's just so messy on SO many levels

[@InvasionAnimation]

Didn't finish, but just leave him.

[@Donald43]

He's also putting his career at risk as well because surely gyms have rules about professional trainers not dating clients and what would they think if they saw those text messages?

[@SakuraMoonflower]

That's why he deleted them.

[@Mewse1203]

Be kind, be safe and take care of yourself. Have a great day

[@groofromtheup5719]

I think I'd be more worried about all of the previous "clients" than this one. I'd push for lie detector testing.

[@julias2855]

Husband trainer: I would not b ok with. Just like he would not like it. It’s not ok. It’s about being respectful. It’s hurtful.

[@beteljuice6629]

This seems more like he wants her than she wants him. It also seems like he doesn't fully realize how sketch all his behavior is. Not that he doesn't realize he's flirting but he doesn't realize he's creepy. It sounds like the girl is trying to figure out how to not be around him alone.

[@karaleetdrenduringdragon8961]

Thanks Mark, I've liked and am subscribed. I am posting to 1) say thanks, I appreciate your work and 2) I know comments help you tube's metrics. ~.^

[@maheenahmed6653]

Here’s the thing, even if it was just a friend, why wouldn’t he tell op about it?? Like I’d tell my husband about new friends I made. I don’t get why he wouldn’t tell her about these plans like hey, I invited this new friend to this event. I’ll miss seeing you at it though.

[@christinawhitehead4034]

He was looking for an ego boost and she didn’t bite. This one didn’t but it doesn’t think the next one won’t

[@northeastoperations]

Outro sounds like Jamey Kennedy rapping in some 2003 movie.

[@paulahowlett1043]

You have a bf/ gf, husband / wife you do not go out on a date with someone that is cheating

[@markiusgalfordii9248]

This is the reason why a lot of people of people don't go to gyms. Because there's always either that weird guy is that weird guy that sits in the corner and stares at all the women or men working in the gym or it's the other way around. And I find it pretty disgusting a 50 year old goes after a 20 year old. I know sometimes love does not have an age boundary but when you are chasing the person down. That means you are intending on sleeping with that person why are you putting so much energy into it.

[@cjandauntieyaya1446]

Story 1: OP might be married to a predator. The young woman is trying to hint at trying to make this a group thingy. He's probably trying to intimidate her into being more familiar with him. Young women are easily conned into compromising situations because they still want to be the "good girl" who doesn't act like a "cold hearted botch" so she doesn't know how to set up boundaries. OP should start sleuthing around her husband's instagram account taking note of all the young women he has interacted with s a professional trainer in the past. She should try to contact them directly and ask them what kind of relationship they had with her husband. He may even be a date rapist because he sure does have a lot of young women "clients". Young women are less likely to claim rape if they are taken advantage by an older man in a position of "authority". Even being your personal trainer can be seen as a person of "authority" to the young and naive.

[@ginathecookie]

and even if it never made it to physical stuff, he's still being emotionally icky

[@cjandauntieyaya1446]

@@ginathecookie IKR? Especially how he keeps persuing her even though she's giving luke warm "maybe" responses. The updates just get crazier. Poor OP.

[@leroybrown2968]

No married man should be asking another woman to “hang out” sometime. Call him out and divorce him.

[@JennRighter]

Op’s husband would’ve cheated and would cheat if any women were willing. That’s sick. Op is 40. I’m 43, my boyfriend is 30 and dudes hit on me all day every day. I say that because Op doesn’t need to put her energy into this 50 year old man that’s trying to get with women that could be his daughter age wise. It makes me sick when women like op care so much about a dude that isn’t a catch when op is certainly a catch. It’s sad and it is embarrassing for her, I understand she’s been with him for many years, but she needs to be strong and not give her husband power. He doesn’t gaf about her. She needs to move on immediately and while I get that’s easier said than done I’m cringing and embarrassed for her. This dude isn’t worth two craps or an eff. The woman op’s husband is trying to get with isn’t even interested in him. Don’t be pathetic. Have some self respect. Being treated this way by a man is unacceptable and shouldn’t take any second thought because of how long you’ve been with them. If anything, being with someone that long should make it an immediate deal breaker.

[@aniko7125]

The fact that he doesn’t want to delete her should be a red flag to her. He was caught , but is still trying to hold on to this crush anyway her can. He doesn’t have to text her saying he can’t meet up anymore. He essentially wants to “break up “ or “”get closure “ for himself 😒. If I were her, my question would be “Has he ever done this before?” The was he was able to carry on like normal seems kind of practiced, like this isn’t his first time. He knew what he was doing and claims to “feel guilty “, but the only thing that alerted her were these messages she happened to see. He was acting normal the whole time despite his supposed “guilt”.

[@ineedhoez]

He is 10 years older than his wife. He was already a creeper!

[@WolfyFancyLads]

"Oh, I just delete things on my phone indiscriminately." Do you bollocks. Nobody randomly deletes shit off their phone, only thing I delete is Cache or old photos I've transferred to my SD card. My entire chat history, for years, is still on my phone. Even old texts (provided they're from people I want to hear from). The worst part is, from the girl's texts, I don't think she sees him hitting on her. She might be young and naive, thinking this is just a really good friendship forming, because from what OP said she didn't seem flirty, HE did.

[@askreddit3021]

It absolutely sounds like your husband is trying to initiate a date with this woman vs a friendship. Casually (without confrontation) bring her up "I was scrolling through your Instagram and noticed _____ that goes to your gym who is she?". If he gets angry, defensive, or lies about her as just being some random woman he doesn't know you have your answer in regards to his intentions with her.