"I Can't Get Rid Of My Stuff."

One of my key realizations about happiness, and a point oddly under-emphasized by positive psychologists, given its emphasis in popular culture, is that Outer order contributes to inner calm. More than it should.
After all, in the context of a happy life, a messy desk or house is a trivial problem-yet I've found, and other people tell me they feel the same way, that getting control of the stuff of life makes me feel more in control of my life generally. (Even if this is an illusion, it's a helpful illusion.)
But as much as most of us want to keep our home, office, car, etc. in reasonable order, it's tough. Here are some myths of de-cluttering that make it harder than it needs to be.
Myths of Cluttering:
1. "I need to get organized." No! This is not your first step! Don't get organized.
2. "The more organized I am, the better." I fully appreciate the pleasure of having a place for everything, and perhaps counter-intuitively, I find it easier to put things away in an exact place, rather than a general place ("the third shelf of the coat closet," not "a closet"). However, this impulse can become destructive: if you spend a lot of time alphabetizing your spices or setting up eighty categories for your home library, consider simplifying your approach. Also, some things simply won't stay organized, so it's not even worth trying; I've spent hours sorting magic markers and Calico Critters pieces, only to find everything a jumble the next day.
3. "I need to run out and buy some inventive storage containers." See #1. I love cunning containers as much as anyone, but I've found that if I get rid of everything I don't need, I often don't need a container at all.
4. "I need to find the perfect recipient for everything I'm getting rid of." True, it's easier to let go of things when they're going to a good home, but be wary of letting this kind intention become a source of clutter, itself. I have a friend who has multiple piles all over her house, each lovingly destined for a particular recipient. This is generous and thoughtful, but it contributes mightily to clutter. Try to find one or two good recipients, or create some kind of rigid system for moving stuff along quickly.
5. "I can't get rid of anything that I might possibly need one day." How terrible would it be if you needed a glass jar and didn't have one? Do you need gigantic stores of rubber bands or coffee mugs?
6. "Someday, I might get that gizmo fixed." Face it. If you've had something for more than six months, and it's still not repaired, it's clutter.
7. "After I lose some weight, I'll fit into these clothes again." If you lose a bunch of weight, you'll likely want to buy a new pair of jeans, not dust off the pair you bought seven years ago.
8. "I need to keep this to remind me of the past." I'm a huge fan of mementos; remembering happy times in the past gives you a big happiness boost in the present. But ask yourself: do I need to keep all these t-shirts to remind me of high school, or can I keep a few? Do I need to keep a giant armchair to remind me of my father, or can I use a photograph? Mementos work best when they're carefully chosen-and when they don't take up much room!
9. "I need to keep this object to show respect for the person who gave it to me." You can love someone, but not want to keep a gift from that person. It's okay to pass an item along to someone who will appreciate it more.
■
Instagram:
GretchenRubin
hereisthehappinessproject
■
If you liked this video, please subscribe!
- To shop merchandise and journals: the-happiness-...
- To shop my books: gretchenrubin....
- To download the Happier app: the-happiness-...
- To subscribe to my weekly email newsletter: gretchenrubin.c...
■
Gretchen Rubin is the co-host of the top-ranked, award-winning Happier with Gretchen Rubin podcast. One of the most thoughtful and influential voices on the subjects of happiness, habits, and human nature, she’s the author of several New York Times bestsellers, including “The Happiness Project,” “The Four Tendencies,” and “Better Than Before”. She lives in New York City with her family.
■
If you liked this episode, please subscribe!

[@daneenh5348]

I love giving my clothing that I’m no longer using to the local women’s shelter. Especially gently used clothing that can be used for business attire. It makes me feel good knowing that I may be helping a woman in need.

[@MsSassyMT]

I never thought about this but I do get more pleasure of out giving items to people that I know they can use. Like I had a practically brand new blender that I wasn't using and my friend's stopped working. I gave her mine. I knew she was going to use and it was just taking up space in my home.

[@davevanfunk8917]

This is one of the better videos about this issue.

[@efuonyutu]

Excellent video! I'm in the process of paring down and have decided to donate my "stuff" to an organization that serves young women getting back on their feet after hardship. I can freely get rid of things now because I know in doing so, I'm serving my community. Love your videos!

[@mjester121]

So, based on what you said about the endowment effect (which I never heard of before - very eye-opening!), for each thing we are sorting, we should look at it as if it is a thing we do not yet own and consider whether it is something we would want to acquire. This totally changes how I think about getting rid of things!

[@margretsnae]

That's a good attitude to have, I think. Also: would I really miss this if I lost it?

[@jesseb5112]

Margrét Jónsdóttir I like the way you think. I'm planning on moving in about 4 years. I keep asking myself "is this worth moving". Some things are yes, some are no, and some are crafting materials that I want to use up before that time. I love your "would I miss it if I lost it"

[@tracyabernathy4591]

Jessie b what you said makes sense I am already askingmyself this about some things I have.

[@jennyhughes4474]

mjester121 - you can't do that with things which have lots of memories and are sentimental for example things that were my grandmother's or my parents' or from important times in my life or drawings done by my son. Yes you can do this with things that have no sentiment attached! Plus I keep things that I might use for my art, sometimes they sit around for YEARS but then I really need them and use them - IF I can find them, so frustrating when I can't and I waste my very limited time/energy (since my brain injury) looking for things - I need help to organise them, a good system! And since my brain injury some of my things remind me of times and people I had forgotten = my memory bank: important to me to help rebuild bits of my past that I've lost.

[@lindylu8414]

@@jennyhughes4474 I understand what you mean. I have bad depression and some of the items that where my moms give me comfort. I hope your memory continues to get better. Be patient with yourself. Take care❤🐾☺

[@sugarsweet8598]

"For serenity and peace of mind, we keep some empty space." (Mission statement for Clutterers Anonymous.) Really appreciate your list posted.

[@tracyabernathy4591]

This is something I need to learn getting rid of stuff is a big weakness for me not a strength.

[@JoslynGabrielle]

I bought your book last year! It's so awesome to find you on KZbin!!!

[@dtw2srqGal]

the beautiful take-away for me is when you state to be wary of what you let in . . . SO true, from relationships, people, food ! to "stuff" !! thank you for the positive affirmation of letting it go . . . we just moved so this is very much in the fore-front

[@kjbrocky]

The points in the description box are great!

[@letthelovework966]

Where? Where's the box?

[@melindaschoenwald]

What a great way to look at it!

[@johnthornton6100]

Just don't dump your stuff on a poor hoarder who cannot say NO.

[@lorisiccia5914]

John Thornton Growing up i often had my sisters give me the stuff they no longer wanted...if i wanted them or not.. but then it got harder to keep my room clean... and my mom took a garbage bag getting rid of my things but not allowed to get rid of any of the stuff handed down that wasnt me.... I didnt often fit into anything... hate shopping and still to this day will keep things that dont fit until I Can fit them again because its finally my stuff....and feels like a waste to part with new things that dont fit cuz my weight fluctuates plus i can no longer afford to replace them.... yet i only wear a few items. 20 % of my clothes 80% of the time. When i do find something i like its because its different. and also the reason why its hard to part with knowing its hard to replace. Ive learned to be resourceful when im low on funds... so i start seeing potential in items i have..but to use them in a different way. I agree with your point dont dump it on people who cant say no...ive learned it over the years..but collected waaaay too much... 3 floods and moving 3 times in 4 years helped to downsize the large or heavy items...and downsized in space as well...so it felt like i lived in a storage facility after having to move all dry stuff here after the final flood...at storage space i had paid for 6 months ....waste of funds !! Hindsight 2020...now...left with hobbies and the hard to place misc items...the random stuff that doesnt have a home in my tiny apartment. Finally on break from school for a week.....been chippin away at it... and ended up bringin 2 items from free zone after dumping a bag of garbage. But will bring a box of dont need it stuff tomorrow when i fill it more. Or actually later on today since its now 535 am. The process got started again because i lost something. Then lost another thing by moving stufff to look for the first thing... Decided still too many things... 37 boxes of stuff.... better than the 60 plus i had when i moved in...and unpacked the essentials.....then focused on school. Next time i tried to un box a bunch of stuff in order to only choose what fit my life now.. i had a call my dad was in hospital...so i dropped everything and left.... I realized today that this is the first chunk of time off i havent gone back to visit instead of just staying and dealing with my stuff... but family came first... the rest were many build up decisions that had to get put to the side cuz life happens and.. the stuff didnt matter.... until it takes over....and the family n friends who didnt visit before..because i always went to visit them... when i first lived with my fiance..we'd occasionally have people over for bbqs ..everything was tucked away.. clean organized to the eye..but dont open a closet....i had donation boxes.. hed bring em to donate..or so i thought.. actually filled up a storage space we had to sort later When we parted ways.. i didnt have anyone come visit..so things got messy.. then worse..then embarassing ....had a friend come and retreat from people even more when that friend was more rude than supportive or helpful. Its a lot better now but its a hard go when you feel alone and it gets so overwhelming....a days worth of work..and seems like ive just shifted things...so i started to let stuff go...bit by bit... regretted a few items that i parted with..set me back a bit.... but then id get frustrated when i lost something again..and my downsizing began again.over n over. Its been 4 years since i was replaced so easily......so I found it hard to part with somethings from the me i used to be before i lived my life for everyone else.....my family..my ex fiance who found a replacement ..and i moved even though he'd "never cheat" on me.. but i had cheated myself out of years if i had left sooner..but i hung on....hoping wed be like those old couples who had been theough alot but still in love..together....i was clearly dreaming! He had no intention of actually marrying me.. 9.5 years is a long time to be engaged... i couldve spent my younger life with someone who truely loved me....not keeping me around just incase the side thing didnt work out... i was struggling with it all...support was non existant..work was burning me out and my health was going down the crapper. Along with my career that i worked my ass off for to the point of burnout.bu5 they all still wanted more.. ex needed more...red head gave him more.......and in the end my boss told me dont worry you are easily replaced. And my number in line for progressing in my career removed from list....home life was shit... that career i was just short of a course...now having to start whole process crom scratch was now also not happening becsuse some one else decided i was replaceable....and starting from scratch... again....but a different path....because it was maddening to accept starting from scratch..and trying to convince myself i didnt waste the last of my 20s and entire 30s on working hard and nothing i worked for mattered... love didnt matter.except i love my dog.. he has stuck with me ....good n bad and the ugly cry and the grunts moving what remains. Solo.. but happier...but still lots to let go of. So when you lose everything you thought that mattered...its hard to let go of everything that remains....even if its just stuff... Its a soggy life raft for something to hold onto until you get to solid ground again..and finally able to lighten the load of stuff that seemed to float when life was happy.. but hold you back when on your own two feet again..no longer drowning.... swimming jn all directions searching for which way is forward. Which box will bring you back to pain of a bad time..but worth going through everything to finally find a piece of the old me that loved life...and didnt care about fancy anything. It doesnt have to be fancy..it just has to work! Even my mind needs decluttering.

[@lorisiccia5914]

No....there.. i said it.

[@mercurialpierrot7073]

Seriously.

[@letaureauduforex6876]

Great video content! Apologies for butting in, I would appreciate your thoughts. Have you researched - Rozardner Amazing Soup Reality (search on google)? It is a great one of a kind guide for revealing the simple method to declutter your home minus the hard work. Ive heard some incredible things about it and my close friend Aubrey finally got excellent results with it.

[@osuushiza8]

Bless u in all ways possible w happiness! TYSM, kind ma'am, 4sharing this information. It's beyond helpful, & I'll immediately start working on it! ♥ 🌹

[@rawrzie]

Here after 8 years.

[@LizaBeckerman]

thank you for sharing this!

[@kayBTR]

you are so on target with keeping 'stuff' from ever coming into your house to begin with! Great advice! I'm getting so much out of your videos, they are very encouraging.

[@carlotacl4083]

Your videos are awesome, great advise!! They are really helping me get de-cluttered. One thing I have have, have! to say is that this hair cut and hair color make you look really lovely, a lot better than in some of your other videos! It really suits you and gives you a really sweet look.

[@Clutterbug]

Such great information!

[@andealkeyriver3829]

Sweet thanks❤❤❤❤

[@eileenstack255]

Thanks for your teaching I need to hear this so much 🙋‍♀️🇮🇪🇮🇪☘️🍀

[@Miss_Annlaug]

Great tips. But when forwarding things to friends and family we have to be SUPER careful: we have to be absolutely sure they NEED the items we are forwarding. Or we end up creating g clutter in THEIR home. Offering something to a friend or family member makes them feel more obligated to receive the items since they know you and share a bond with you. Don't make your own clutter someone else's. I prefer donating myself 90%of the time. Only the really valuable useful jems go to friends and family.

[@toiletholder]

My problem is more sentimental value. I have a very hard time throwing things away that remind me of the past. I forced myself to throw away a ratty blanket a few years ago and I still have anxiety thinking about it. I really wish I wasn’t like that. Now my room is just awful. Sometimes I can’t open the door. When I try to throw things out I think about how horrible I feel thinking about the blanket. I need a good brainwashing. Chinese government did it. It works. Why can’t we implement the same techniques but for good?

[@77777aol]

'Right thought follows right action !' Asian thinking ! Thank goodness Gretchen Ruben talks about giving away etc and not about dumping stuff in the trash. Even best-seller authors completely and inconceivably miss this very point !

[@MissVelvetElle]

Thank you-I just love ALL your videos! Blessings!

[@Gonzo3313]

Great stuff. Im becoming a minimalist. But my mother is still a hoarder. ...it drivrs me nuts to go to her house...I want to just start going through everything & tossing stuff she doesn't need. Lol

[@tracyabernathy4591]

Patrick Borden I am a clutter rat but I know I have way too much stuff and need to make myself get rid of stuff it is not easybut I need to start asking myself do I really need this in the long run.

[@debramccafferty2918]

Patrick Jordan I was in that same situation a few years ago. When my Mom has to move to a nursing home, my brother and I had to hire people to clean out her house because it was just too much for us to do.

[@marliokono6292]

Boundaries, take care of your side of the street. Your mom is her own person and probably suffering from poor health. People make different choices when they are healthy. Check out Alisa Vitti's book Woman Code and website FLOliving.com for better hormonal support. I also suggest adding kelp/ seaweed as a source of iodine to increase strength and stamina; very good!!

[@hmskld238]

I understand the need to remove the items .. and, yes, walking into a minimal room is my uttermost goal. It's just that it's difficult for me .. and I need to ponder how. I have, arguably, the world's largest private autograph collection of several vintage film stars .. and rare cult sci-fi actors. All are either PSA/DNA or James Spence authenticated and most encapsulated including a vast ABBA collection and autographs from each member. How can I part with years of these priceless treasures? .. my Natalie Wood, Rita Hayworth collections, and .. many of each, authentic. I have collected myself into a quagmire. I recently purchased four new ultra sleek file cabinets and will begin by compressing the collection .. from there, I really can't part with these treasures, I see no way out, ABBA doesn't sign anymore so they are, literally, priceless .. rarely ever, almost never even come up for auction .. I will be honest and say what other collectors have admitted, I almost wish I'd never began collecting.

[@woodstockenvy4666]

I also collect autographs and I know the feeling, "each autograph represents about thirty seconds of that person's life" Greeting the person, a few words and signing. Holding that paper in your hand and knowing it's really a portion of their life is an awesome feeling.

[@eileenstack255]

Hi again I have my house full of clutter I just can’t get rid of it but after listening to you I might get some together for Charity shops when these will open after this pandemic please God stay safe 🙋‍♀️☘️🇮🇪

[@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823]

I like my stuff. This is just a fad exactly like the Fung Shui nonsense from.a few years ago, that didn't change anything, either, lol. Basically a scam. I play music, write, draw, paint, all kinds of stuff. I use ALL of it. And if someone doesn't like it, well, don't let the door hit you on the way out. Rock stars have even commented on how "cool" my place is. I can host jam sessions and all kinds of stuff. It's clean and I know where it is. So, "ppppbbbt!"

[@suloget]

@winds. I can relate. I also have many passions. My problem is, I don't know where it all is when the spirit moves me! I need to get a handle on that.(Horizontal surfaces are the bane of any neatness!)

[@annanicole1717]

Be a good friend and don’t give your clutter to them.

[@nisreenhamid4232]

Amy landino introduced me to u U r awesome 👌🏼😍

[@CH-1984]

Look at the description box for more advice.

[@BollywoodBonanzaB]

So true. Our Bang&Olufsen CRT TV gave up the ghost over two years ago, but, like my dad, and unlike my mum and sis, I can't bear to let it go - because it has been with us for over 40 years, we have so many great memories, it was amazing quality, the first TV on our street, and also, my dad saved up for over a year to buy it - back in the '70s, £800 for a TV was damn expensive! But it's sitting in our kitchen, on a disused computer table, wrapped in plastic, breaking our hearts and causing arguments, one side wanting to save it, the other wanting to take it to the dump. Until I realised we could donate it to charity - it might still be usable by someone, and at least then it is passing on to someone who can use it better than us! I'm looking forward to it finding a new home, not having that guilt, and having a beautiful free space where we can finally put a bigger fridge! ... Once we've cleared the clutter in front of it enough to get access to it.

[@TheMorningtrain]

But it's broken so why would a charity or anyone else want it? We can't just dump our stuff on charities to make us feel better that "it's going to somebody who needs it"

[@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823]

But...why not just take it to an electronics engineer? You know very well, B & O is INSANELY expensive. A bookcase stereo is like...4 grand today??? An electronics engineer isn't for cheap junk you buy today, but much higher end than that. It's like 75 to have them look at it, but its usually the same issues, so not normally expensive to fix if parts are around...like power supply for example. Particularly on those cords you can remove. Also, an electronics guy can make you B & O cords, as they have the nerve to ask like 250.00 for them and they're not even gold-tipped! Just need the end parts.

[@Syndarel]

This is the first video I've watched that you've made but I just subscribed to your channel. The only thing I can disagree with here, the thing that keeps me frozen, is "know where everything is going".

[@flamequeen6]

I have a big pile of stuff to sell. I am finding it hard to just donate anything as I keep thinking of all the money I'm loosing by just giving it away. the only way for me to sell them is online via craigslist or facebook as the duplex I live at doesn't allow garage sales. I feel a bit better seeing the huge pile of stuff I don't need or want anymore.

[@flamequeen6]

forgot to say the big pile of stuff I don't care about it's mainly just feeling bad for spending money on it just to throw it away for nothing.

[@lonechicken4286]

still cant throw away all the gifts i have recived over the years, specially the ones given by people who went sepereate ways, like my exes and old friends and families....... any advice?

[@sweetmslovinglife]

Are there other sections to this?

[@mroutdoorsy]

I will get fit but right at the end after I pass my studies

[@imbonnie]

very nice presentation.

[@acajudi100]

Disasters will get rid of it.💕💯❤️🇺🇸😊

[@abbi1180]

When ur in late 2019 trying to figure out ur life before u come an adult in a few years and ur stressing out and with depression as a normal teenager would and ur room is messing and u are a hoarder so u don’t know what to do so u watch these videos thinking it would work but it actually doesn’t. Ya I felt that

[@graced4844]

If you like this, you’d love the book New Minimalism.

[@Syndarel]

You see there is so much I need to just DUMP because we are older and not capable of the work of carting things to different organizations, or even calling & arranging for pickups for a few garments here, some dishes there. If a neighbor won't take it I need to TRASH It. If I don't do it FAST it won't get done at all. I'm tired of the guilt about finding new home 4 everything ;)

[@Junmalo987]

Guys, can you help me out? I have a difficult time throwing things away in general but an even more difficult time throwing things away with writing on them. For example throughout the years I have held on to a lot of my papers that I have gotten in school. I also recently subscribed to the Wall Street Journal newspaper and have about 3 months of newspapers in my room. Another example is mail, both electronic (email) and physical. In the last few weeks I have gotten myself to throw away a lot of my physical mail which mostly includes junk mail but my email is a different story. I have more than 10000 emails in my inbox. The list goes on and on and includes magazines and receipts.

[@georgiannmaloney6594]

Get a burning ring and just burn that stuff. Keep one it two papers with writing and have a burning party.

[@koolstargirl23579]

the face at the end doe

[@delzie]

PLEASEEEEEEEE TALK LOUDER OMGGGGGGG

[@sweetmslovinglife]

Deltalm turn your volume up. That’s why you have it.

[@TheGohbomba]

So do I am

[@DontDooTooMuch]

My mother accepts almost everything people gibe her for free. She then would come to my house and bring some of that stuff and I get upset because I don't have enough room since I had clutter of my own lol omg

[@girlygirlwoman]

I loved the content but I personally do not care to talk, watch or be with people who continually close their eyes while talking...to me or anyone else.

[@fionageoghegan4561]

B

[@taetae5893]

2030? guys helo im stuck im supposed to be 2018 or 2019 ???? report this and remember me

[@Firelily-iq3mw]

whats wrong with ur lip?