I Don’t Enjoy Sex With My Husband (What Can I Do?)

I Don’t Enjoy Sex With My Husband (What Can I Do?)
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[@steveneptun7580]

I'm just here to make sure it's not my wife's voice

[@burymebelowawillowtree9243]

😂

[@billc6828]

Me too 😌

[@S3ANZ13]

I have no idea what you're talking about...

[@financialfreedom1991]

Lòlolololololololololol😁😁😁😂

[@terriesmith2616]

LMAO 😂🤣🤣

[@demetriuscooksey7147]

A sexless marriage is a dangerous place to be. People get lonely and resentful. And those emotions together lead to affairs and divorce.

[@montrealcanada7023]

Run that is the way

[@carolsimpson4422]

Bad sex is worse then no sex.

[@allesasmart]

90% likely men have that reaction. Society teaches them that's all they are ...sex and provider.

[@nickkruger3296]

Been there, done that

[@marshareed1438]

This is true! It’s different when a person will admit that they have a problem & they seek help versus the person who gaslights & makes the other person feel like it’s their problem that they don’t want to have sex with them. I think, the rejecting gaslighter deserves the consequences from their controlling behavior!

[@MikeAlphaG]

This lady didn’t sound like she was being upfront. And she especially didn’t sound like she was really hearing what she wanted to hear.

[@brendaleverick3655]

Her husband isn't her type. Some women marry for security and to avoid loneliness, rather than pas- sion. They couldn't get the man they wanted, so they settled for who they could get.

[@jazzyone1986]

Marrying for passion is stupid lol

[@eljoshsfgaming6335]

@@jazzyone1986of course a woman would say this. Y’all don’t marry for how someone makes you feel or love, you marry off how someone provides for you. Which is ironic considering how often yall like to beat your chest and shout “I don’t need no man”..

[@edwinbz9889]

​@eljoshsfgaming6335 💯💯💯 women like to get used all up and ran through then settle with someone they really don't want because the ones they want don't want them.

[@Elle44289]

​Lol you listen to the cul. T message of the mansophere and have drunk their coolaid. You despise women and don't have a clue about them. Got it. ​@@eljoshsfgaming6335

[@nikstar1313]

You know it all don’t you lol

[@9liveslisa]

I had a friend who married 3 times and had several children and she told me that she never enjoyed sex. I really feel badly for women who have truly never enjoyed a sexual relationship. What a loss.

[@Refiningforge]

Same. It’s very sad. Intimacy with mind body soul is a beautiful gift

[@shachede6828]

Or maybe she just doesn’t enjoy it. I don’t see anything wrong with it. Not everyone needs to enjoy sex if they don’t want to.

[@megalodon1726]

@@shachede6828 people who don't enjoy sex shouldn't get married unless their spouse is also asexual.

[@blahblahblah4544]

@@shachede6828 It's totally okay, there's no judgement. It's just concerning if there could be a beautiful experience and they just ended having selfish lovers :(

[@francisdashwood1760]

Maybe she just didn't enjoy it with the 3 husbands. If a woman is not physically attracted to her husband, then she's not going to enjoy it. That seems pretty simple...and obvious.

[@Ty-ml4fe]

I hope Bethany knows there are women who heard her talk and they hear themselves in her and feel less alone. And I hope John knows his empathetic nature is helping so many people!!! Love this channel!!!!

[@aqua-mina]

“Everywhere else I have to perform” 5:04 that whole point- oof- felt that

[@starlingswallow]

A lot of women don't know their own bodies and then they marry men who also don't know women's bodies. They also feel like they can't speak up about what they want and think the guy will know 😢 When you both get into exploring each other, it gets great! Be open with talking, sharing and speaking up about what you like and don't like. If you have trauma related to sex, go see a trauma counselor. Also, "the great sex rescue" is an amazing book~ geared towards believers but can still be beneficial to any Faith.

[@basantidevi2305]

Does she even know how to orgasm on her own? She might not have a clue about sex. And we know he doesn't.

[@thejavelin7832]

I'm finding the Sex and Psycology podcast to be very informative. My wife and I are currently addressing sexual issues she is having (desire, insecurities, libido) and this podcast has been helping me tremendously. I better understand my wife and I've learned things about myself. I even ordered a book about men and their desire for sex. Topping it all off, my wife is listening to the audiobook of Come As You Are, by Emily Nagoski. We've had several very open-minded, give and take conversations.

[@ihateallyall]

you’re some good husband material. most men wouldn’t even put in a sliver of effort that you are.

[@davidjonburke2729]

See this is what it's all about!! Is it getting better when you guys are now talking about sex and getting into sex and listening to podcasts?

[@thejavelin7832]

@@davidjonburke2729 I'll be completely honest, we've only been doing this over a week. But, we've had more and better conversations in this week+ time than in the whole last year. We've also been getting over colds so physical sex hasn't happened in a couple of weeks. I'm finding that we are both able to better articulate our feelings and concerns since we have both been learning about our sex and intimacy, and what each means to us. My wife has always been extremely uncomfortable to talk about sex, but a few minutes in and she's able to embrace the conversation. Even opening up about how sex was perceived in her house growing up; from nudity is okay and is a separate thing from sex, to "test drive the car before you buy it, but don't be a slut" when it comes to men. A lot of mixed messages that had led to confusion of her feelings of arousl.

[@sarahgardner535]

❤️

[@jeremyjeremy8795]

I’m gonna give you some hard news. She does not respect you and is planning her exit. Divorce IS looming and likely inevitable. If you want to know how to set yourself to not get screwed over by the family court system I can help you.

[@VonSolo5]

We Women need to learn how to say how we really feel, in real time so we can say the things we need to say, to the people we need to say them to, when we need to say them. That is the only way we learn who we are, by saying how we feel and expressing it, and being challenged and defending our positions. We can’t have good sex if we don’t know ourselves. We can’t know ourselves until we can learn to articulate our boundaries and desires by speaking up for for ourselves. Wish this woman luck 💖

[@happygolucky9004]

Hmm I think all those things help but sometimes people just don't mesh well sexually. I had a partner where I did all those things and the sex still wasn't good. Sex was much better with my previous partner.

[@SaystheTruth3]

​@@happygolucky9004agree! You can communicate & talk & talk until the cows come home...😂 Sometimes they don't connect.

[@happygolucky9004]

@@SaystheTruth3 Yes, absolutely. Also some men aren't willing to improve things or refuse to change anything. That's best to just walk away from entirely.

[@4funner66]

As a husband and father of kids, my heart goes out to her. There are so many layers to depression, libido and overall sexual desire. Certainly not a one size fits all situation. That said- based on my experience (for the half a penny it’s worth 😂), I would strongly recommend young mothers like her to see a hormone specialist- not necessarily an endo or urologist: someone who lives and breathes making women optimal. This may mean a female hormone clinic. Get a thorough blood panel done. Check thyroid- not just the basic stuff your PCP does. But TPO levels to rule out auto immune stuff like hashimotos. Check vitamin D hydroxy. Check testosterone (yes- it’s SUPER important for women). Estradiol. Estrone. Progesterone. DHEA-s. You can bet your mortgage that an OBGyN or PCP will NOT check these things. You have to get to the bottom of your OWN healthcare in America. I mention all of this because deficiencies and/or lurking autoimmune diseases can wreak havoc on libido, mental wellness and overall sense of well-being. Source: my own 28 year old wife. All women (and men): please get this stuff checked out as a starting point, for the sake of your quality of life. Of course eating well and exercising is key, also. But I’ve seen some folks so depressed due to hormonal imbalances that they can’t even bring themselves to go to the gym

[@tatikloe]

YES you are so right!!!

[@AshleyLebedev]

As an eastern practitioner / natural healer, I couldn’t agree more x

[@Ss-dz6cm]

For those of us who can't take hormones, it kills me to think there is something out there that could help me that is just out of reach. Because I had a 9k$ blood test that showed I have a mutation on a gene no hormones ever! Mind you, about 10% of people of European descent have it and never know and get hormone therapy never knowing they shouldn't have it.

[@northstar2621]

​@@Ss-dz6cm Sorry, you have no what hormones ever? 👀👀

[@antmanselector]

@@northstar2621 this is an excuse not to put out I've never had this issue b4 after switching relationships

[@lovecats6856]

Last 5 or more years of marriage, my husband did not want sex with me, would turn away from me, or tell me to face the other way. Would not even hold me or touch me. He was impotent and had erectile dysfunction. I am not fat, ugly, bad breath, or mean. I had not , and still don't, have any interest in any other man. He got the hots for a bartender who just wanted the tips. We were married 24 years when he died from alcohol abuse.

[@misutasutanto6312]

He wasn't attracted to you....

[@MagickIsPower]

@@misutasutanto6312 Hope you feel better for your unwarranted nasty comment.

[@basiicbid8032]

@@MagickIsPowerAre they wrong tho? They’re just saying with words what the husband was saying with his actions

[@MrEvldreamr]

@@basiicbid8032 im pretty sure ethe husband was disgusted with himself and took itnout on thwbife… but hey single people know marriage better than married people, amiright

[@Muzzy0085]

Sounds like you picked a winner . I never understood staying with someone so long while they drink themselves to death

[@Gingerrrrsnapps]

After awhile you dont get butterflies anymore, childbirth can result in trauma, you dont feel sexy. I totally get feeling like this.

[@TheAustrianPainter87]

This is true. Married men should have side chicks.

[@Evil-Rod-Farva]

Men don’t marry butterflies and trauma, just like women don’t marry unemployed and unmotivated. It’s on you ladies to fix these issues because men don’t marry to become celibate. It’s much simpler and more enjoyable to be celibate alone.

[@MegaTinni]

@@Evil-Rod-Farva Men have that too at times. It's called sleep deprivation. Kids grow older and all will be fine.

[@castiel4746]

it is called life, problem is that nowadays relationship are sold like eternal butterflies and dopamine rush, and people stay with partners until the dopamine rush ends and move to the next one, and empty life persuing feelings and dopamine. relationships is not about dopamine but commitment , but im just an old fashin person. in this liquid and meaningless times.

[@Refiningforge]

@@TheAustrianPainter87definitely not

[@starrfadeable]

Why does he never ask these women if they are having orgasms?? I feel like it's probably 75% of these women's problems. Yeah, nobody wants to do something they get nothing out of. When you have a orgasm it releases oxytocin, which makes you feel close and bonded with the person who gave you the orgasm. Which makes you seek out that feeling and connection again.

[@elizabethpieters7798]

1. Most women lose their sex drive after giving birth, but most never ever admit it. Some lose their sex drive permanently after giving birth. Some lose their sex drive for a few years after giving birth then it returns, but it is not that strong. Most married couples will never admit that having children change a marriage and not allways for the better. 2. It's also time to acknowledge that some women just get married for convenience, and financial security. They see marriage and a good stable husband as a safety net. Once they have children some women don't value their husbands as much. 3. Few people know that birthcontrol pills can causedepression and kill a womans sex drive. I heard that from a doctor. 4. Hormonal changes can change a woman.

[@ThePaintedHope]

That's why sex and communication is such a be all-end all. To negotiate a longterm, reiterative, sexual relationship with someone is allmost all encompassing. Indeed on the woman's part things are much less stable by definition. Where she's at in her cycle, pregnancy, giving birth, raising kids, your image of self as a woman changing from woman to woman and mother. Then there's also stuff like birth control ( just generally bad healthwise) and hormonal changes with age. Of course there's also the things both genders deal with. Depression, motivation, energy, getting your needs met, physicial health, physical fitness. All of these are non-constant and need to be negotiated regularly. Those who can do this will succeed and grow.

[@Truthseeker-iz3dj]

This is 100% true for 80% of woman after kids and obviously the longer your marriage or relationship the less desire in general. Marriage is more about trust and companionship and building nest egg together. Men that in the top 10% in terms of desire generally don't get married as they will have far more sex being single. Even Brad Pitt can't keep a woman satisfied long term, but Leonardo Dicaprio played the honeymoon period well... first 3-6 months of a relationship, dates woman under 25 and moves on.

[@MrEvldreamr]

What angers me is how people still blame the man. My husband got blamed for why i didnt like sex during and after pregnancy. I was so fucking pissed off about that. It aint always the mans fault

[@mement0_m0ri]

Interesting. I never lost my sex drive after giving birth, which is why I kept having so many dang kids! Thank goodness for menopause. 😂

[@ElimEx1]

All that marriage is is a legal contract between 2 people to share financial wealth and stability. If anyone says anything else, they kid themselves. A relationship is for love and passion and lust. Often, those 2 don't and shouldn't mix.

[@hectorm8649]

It’s definitely the kids. Her mind is never at rest. It’s the reason for her depression. She misses her life before kids.

[@nikstar1313]

Again, another person who can’t write “I think that” or imo or I feel that here;.. I may agree (I don’t in this case) but you speak like everything is fact. When are ppl going to stop speaking like they know it all as truth. It’s YOUR OPINION… love to you internet stranger ❤

[@taylamayde]

@@nikstar1313ob it's definitely the life she misses there's no other way around it after what she said

[@Ddx629]

No she's just not into her husband

[@acomment5991]

I don’t like sex very much either. There, I said it! Mostly because my dad had an affair when I was a child that resulted in an “outside”child. He and my mom stayed married but it changed her and the incident changed our family. We seemed happy until then. I was disgusted that my dad having sex with someone else cost our family so much joy, happiness and respect. I didn’t like that he didn’t consider the consequences and the woman knew he was married and permitted the relationship. I found sex destructive and repulsing after that. I hate that people (particularly men) seem to loose their absolute minds for sex, so much so that they can destroy everything just to get it. Especially marriage with no regard for their wife and children. Once I experienced it, I thought… it’s not that deep. Nothing I would want to risk everything for. It’s sort of… meh and I’ve never had an orgasm at 43. I’ve just faked it because it seems that everyone just loves sex so much that you just have to have an orgasm. Sex just isn’t that great, it’s way overrated.

[@jacobrod976]

You said it beat yourself. You find sex repulsive. Orgasming is awesome. I don’t think you can call it overrated when you’ve never climaxed(sadly). As a young man,(24) I can say that your mental state definitely affects your desire and/or performance. I’m dealing with it myself rn. If you’ve always associated sex with filth or betrayal or grossness, it’s not going to be that great.

[@Lifeszebarbie]

I have a similar story of my parents. My dad cheated with prostitutes while traveling for work. My mom found out when she contracted an STD and I watched her smash a glass photo of our family over his head. I guess to signify that he shattered our family. They stayed together and my dad hasn’t strayed since but I always looked at my mom as weak for staying. Idk why. It has caused trust issues in my marriage and I am always suspicious if my husband is cheating. It sucks that something neither I nor my husband did can affect our relationship.

[@kellharris2491]

@@Lifeszebarbie she probably stayed thinking it was for you.

[@Westilhaveparis]

You’re not alone…

[@Whatorwellsaid21]

As a lesbian in a committed relationship, what is overrated is the penis…sex is so much more than what most men think it is. I guess that’s the problem with straight women experiencing boring sex. And if the friendship/ communication part sucks then sex will suck.

[@SkylerAdriel]

I've always had a high sex drive, but suddenly around 37/38, it just started to not be as strong. Which honestly has been a bit of a relief. Didn't experience trauma... nothing really changed, still can get into it when I put my mind to it, but I think it is really important to touch on the point that sex drive is very very linked to hormones for women. It is not always psychological. Women will experience an increase in drive when they are ovulating. When the reproductive system starts to change (pregnancy, perimenopause) or if we aren't staying active and get a little out of shape, the physical motivational urge just won't be as strong. It doesn't mean that it's gone, but it sometimes just takes some more steps to activate that desire.

[@CrystalM1917]

That's so interesting bc my drive finally went up around 35/36. And all my extraneous issues that can lower my drive are still the same except for my kids getting older so less dependent on me. I'm not close to menopause though yet interestingly. I'm 37 now and I went to get my ovarian reserve checked as I'm thinking of having another baby. and it's 6.3 which is higher than a woman in her early 20s. It makes me wonder what it was when I was actually that age and did that have an effect on my drive and I am a bit concerned bc that doesn't seem normal.

[@fauxbro1983]

When women get that old, men's sexual desire dries up.

[@SkylerAdriel]

@@CrystalM1917 Did they check your estrogen and progesterone levels too? I'd be interested to know how those look in terms of sex drive. But that is awesome that you've got some good eggs ready to go! :)

[@SkylerAdriel]

@@fauxbro1983 ya, lol say that to my 28 year old boyfriend who is still quite interested in that department thank you very much. I'm 40 and my quality of life/sex life has never been better. Sure, you may not find yourself as distracted by the trash that doesn't care about who you are as a person, but personally, as a female there is nothing better than being with someone who genuinely cares about you. Nothing can compare to it. I only wish my younger self knew this.

[@kp361]

@@fauxbro1983 Only if the man in question is a psychosexually stunted incel. So no loss to 'women that old'.

[@Zer0BurnOver]

Most women don’t eat enough real food (whole foods, esp protein), don’t lift heavy weights and don’t rest enough, therefore causing metabolic issues, which messes with hormonal signals and mindset. Fix these things and I’m certain half of one's issues will go away. I’ve worked with many women who had issues getting pregnant and once we worked on these things, sex drive went up and almost all women conceived. Eat lots of real food. Lift Heavy. Sleep lots. My 15 years of experience working with women, not one can't be helped if they put in work.

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

If only it weren't just physical. There seems to be a huge psychological component here.

[@Zer0BurnOver]

@@dr.jenniferma3914 For sure. Not arguing that. I'm just saying, take care of the body first to eliminate any issues, then get to work on the tougher stuff; on the psychological side.

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

@@Zer0BurnOver Or do it simultaneously?

[@faxoxo2306]

Thank youuu for this beautiful comment. I am 24, single and never sexually active. Sometimes I think about if I will have a good sex drive when I get married. Since I never had it, I try to be as healthy as possible. No junk food, working out 3 times or more a week, sleeping a lot but not consistent. Any advice for the mental part?

[@goldengirl5887]

Hormones is huge part of it. Thank u

[@babyjessejames376]

Try ashwaganda or chaste tree. Also, get your thyroid checked because if your thyroid hormones are off, it will affect everything.

[@nicvic1717]

Fun fact: chaste tree berry (vitex) got its name from being used to decrease female libido… making her “chaste”

[@babyjessejames376]

@@nicvic1717 That's funny. I read it can increase the libido in some women. I guess it just depends on the person.

[@KarlDag]

@@babyjessejames376 depends if it’s high or low…

[@monisprabu1174]

ashwaganda will make it lower after 48 days

[@Nah-ah]

Female sexual psychology is a tricky thing to understand. I feel for this couple and the husband especially! They do need to sit and chat together with a therapist.

[@KevinMaximus]

Why do they always blame the husbands?

[@blueseptember2174]

I loved intimacy with my husband when he was all in(fireworks!), but when he was dabbling in p@rnography it was very monotonous and bumpy😕

[@Black_Samurai-fish]

That’s the issue I’m having.

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

Did you discuss this and request no porn? This is very important.

[@blueseptember2174]

@@dr.jenniferma3914 of course. Alot!

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

@@blueseptember2174 If a man can't agree to no porn in order to be the best lover to you then he's not worth it.

[@blueseptember2174]

@@dr.jenniferma3914 it was an addiction he did not disclose before marriage even though I asked. It reared its ugly head because I found it. Many discussions and a family later we are seperated because I gave him an ultimatum to work on his problem or leave. So he chose to leave 😕. Of course he sad about it now but he still does it to this day! Yikes.

[@myyt3824]

I lost all sex drive after having my daughter. It’s not that I don’t end up enjoying sex when my husband and I have it, but I have zero desire to initiate it. When I cave and do it because I don’t want to deprive my husband, I’m capable of getting into it and enjoying it. I’d just like to figure out how to get at least some libido back so I can genuinely want to initiate intimacy.

[@myyt3824]

@Bok Choy I’ll have to start taking a daily women’s vitamin. That’s good for you in general. Our daughter is a little over 2 now, so it’s been a long while since I’ve breast fed. And I was only able to bf for a few months.

[@Maelu-op9gf]

Look into Maca

[@born2win262]

Your diet, activity, are HUGE factors.

[@ember13dp]

I'm the same way, but all it is, is that my husband's drive is a lot bigger than mine. So, if it was up to when I'd initiate it, it would be about once a month. But, he wants it about every day, so he's the one always initiating it. So sometimes it feels like I'm not into it, but really I just need more "recovery time" or whatever in between sessions. That might be the case for you too, where you'd find you do want it every now and then, just not as often as you're doing it.

[@FTBASTAR]

Respectfully, this is why getting married and having kids scares me. I'm afraid it'll all change.

[@EatMyPropwash]

10 seconds in, not my wife. Wrong name, definitely wrong state. 😂

[@Ama.921]

They change names/state for the call 😁

[@jonquindiagan682]

Thank you for sharing your experience.

[@migalorsdarwin1930]

How did they even got married in the first place, this sounds more like she di not even like this guy ever, more like a duty.

[@lauren4078]

Emotional baggage hurts relationships. Period.

[@blitzkrieg6872]

I think that sexual compatability is something that should be determined BEFORE marriage. You should make sure that you mutually enjoy sex with each other before getting married, because this is something that doesn't usually change. A person's body and sexual style, habits are just what they are. Either you like it or you don't. Don't get married and then expect it to change or get better. It won't.

[@pamelaliegh]

Well said .. doing that would have solved so many issues . He has zero sex drive and when he gives in , to shut me up , it’s a 23 second event . A complete mismatch

[@blitzkrieg6872]

@@pamelaliegh Honey is that you talking about me again?

[@melkerner]

Problem is - a lot of times there is sexual compatibility before marriage, then a few years in - it is simply turned off by the partner, either through habituation, lowering of libido naturally - or they simply got what they wanted and turned that part of their life off because it is no longer needed. we adopted 4 kids, no hormones were involved - yet my wife put her sex life on a shelf and insisted that "it's no big deal" - she "married me for other reasons". Nothing affects you like having someone not give within the relationship and find out after you are trapped that they really didn't want to "be" with you, don't desire you and only wanted the benefits of a relationship without all the intimacy. Whether you are a man or a woman, it crushes your soul.

[@jellyrcw12]

Dr. John, thank you for your empathy in all situations, you truly are a gem. My heart hurts for this woman, I hope she is able to find grace and peace. I feel like a bit of an outlier because I'm a woman and for most of my adult life I've had rare bouts of decreased sex drives. For the first half of 2022 I had no sex drive at all, I was going through a personal mental transformation and I think that was a lot of it.

[@jordanl4805]

I also do not enjoy intimacy with this woman's husband.

[@keylacmckemp1309]

😂😂

[@luminous6969]

Sounds to me like she's just not attracted to him, and these "cycles" are just her sucking it up but she can't maintain it forever.

[@l-train7876]

If my spouse didn’t enjoy sex with me, it would crush my soul and I’d have to leave the marriage. Her poor husband must feel so rejected😞.

[@truckingwithtobee]

Easier said than done.

[@sb2017.]

She needs to be honest and tell him what pleases her and she also needs to please him. She needs to initiate. … what if he is not good at it? Or what if she is not attracted to him? They just need to talk with honesty and lovingly.

[@nicvic1717]

Every guy is different. My husband knows I find him physically unattractive since he gained 100 lbs right after we got married. Doesn’t seem to shut him down… or motivate him to lose weight. We still have sex as much as we did as newlyweds, which is 1-4x/month. 😕

[@l-train7876]

@@nicvic1717 that’s a tough situation for you. Props to still keeping the same consistency though.

[@truckingwithtobee]

@@nicvic1717 1-4 times a month. Ehhhh that’s not good.

[@thomasgerace4354]

Hormonal Birth Control has also "altered" a lot of women......

[@Whatorwellsaid21]

I’m not saying this is the case with this woman, but some women never realize they don’t like men…

[@kayjeffs3741]

I don't think this is the case here. Some men don't believe that men are capable of being bad in bed, but they are. That's what's really going on here, and she doesn't want to admit it

[@sb2017.]

I think her issue is that maybe her man is not good in bed. Or he is too quick or boring or selfish. She needs to have an honest and loving conversation with her husband to improve and also she needs to be open to listen to him and compromise. Both be intentional to please eachother.

[@whitneyw.7919]

​@@kayjeffs3741 Agree, and you can "say what you need/want" but a lot of men who are bad in bed it's the vibe that is really the troubling thing, not lack of technique. technique can be worked on. This can also be a sign that there are quite a few problems in the relationship that she may not even be consciously aware of

[@ASLANOV440]

😂😂😂

[@kayjeffs3741]

@@whitneyw.7919 her husband is definitely bad in bed...and she keeps stopping sex with him because she's tired of faking like she enjoys it...

[@Tommaso251287]

John's face on the video's cover is incredible :D lol

[@lilstkngal]

this is one of the best video on sexual issues. This topic are very needed.

[@rachelr.290]

Does she feel supported/safe (do they both work but she does most of the housework), nourished, desired? Is he watching porn or unable to pleasure her sexually? Sex is a reproductive act, and women’s bodies experience the harmful (potentially lethal) impacts of reproduction. If we are stressed or tired, our bodies tell us to avoid reproduction and reduce the chances of conception during sex by lowering estrogen.

[@ChayaFellerman]

😂

[@kathyalex778]

Very true

[@Ddx629]

Or, she just isn't attracted to him and only married him out of necessity because it's better than being alone

[@zachcline7555]

I dont care for sex at all..I was a virgin up until i was like 32/33 , Haven't had sex in eight years now ,And don't miss it one bit . It's ok ,But its not the end all be all like some people try to make it out to be

[@thwandjls4ever]

Yesssss that’s what I’ve been saying

[@zombine7103]

Its end of the fcking world. You want the husband to sleep with someone else? Do you not give a fck?

[@tylersones6661]

You should see a doctor. That’s not normal.

[@zachcline7555]

@tylersones6661 Nah,I'm good. I just don't enjoy it at all

[@araineacutebrownnurse7315]

Is it possible that she simply isn’t attracted to her husband?

[@AdrianaXoXoo]

Or he is just not good in bed

[@mement0_m0ri]

Yes. Very possible.

[@jemmysmith8661]

shes not attracted to herself

[@Ddx629]

​@@jemmysmith8661That makes zero sense is just code for "I'm not attracted to you"

[@axmaciel7]

I would look into any medical issues like hormonal imbalance or vitamin deficiencies, they can really affect sex drive and you might not even know it. Even diet can cause issues - too much sugar, etc

[@bullfrog6926]

Maybe her partner is bad at sex? I feel like most men are. It's always about them, it's quick, there's not a lot of physical touch or foreplay or intimacy. Once you learn the code, better purchase some extra waterproof towels because things are about to get wild and she won't be able to get enough of you. Also I did not listen to the entire episode so not sure what direction she went with this I apologize in advance if I'm way out of balance on this one

[@whitneyw.7919]

Couldn't agree more about men being bad in bed

[@abbylebaddie]

Most men are terrible in bed. I don't get why people are saying most women don't know how to orgasm. Of course we do! Most women know how to get themselves off. Men are the ones who don't have a clue what they're doing.

[@nicvic1717]

100% accurate! Men are just bad at sex, and most are terrible at listening or changing what they do because their sexual habits and ideas around sex have been so engrained in them from decades of porn use since childhood.

[@tentrickspony8925]

Sex is team work, if he gets a fail, so do you.

[@kayjeffs3741]

@@tentrickspony8925 this is false...some men don't catch on...

[@Amaryllis-4U]

Instead of “sex on the calendar” perhaps call it the basic term - date night? Or intimacy time? And you don’t have to necessarily go out. Perhaps make a nice dinner or watch a rom-com or unwind with a glass of wine. Give each other a massage or back or neck rubs. Mindset can be very powerful. Think back to when you were single and dating. You looked at your calendar and scheduled a date. And often times you felt giddy or nervous or excited and looked forward to that date. You tried to look your best that evening, groomed yourself, smelled nice, thought of topics to talk about. Try to look at your partner with fresh eyes. And quite frankly you hope on a date to make a good impression. That you’ll like this person and feel a connection. And granted they could have invited some other person on a date, they chose you. And you hope at the end of the date they’ll choose you once again and make another date. Even with the most solid marriages or relationships, there is still always a possibility that the dynamics will change. You can lose them to an illness or accident, or God forbid, another person who shows them respect and appreciation. Of course there’s more to it. This lady has some stuff to work through. But at the same time this is one of those things were getting better at it is going to take actually engaging in it. You usually get better at something by actually doing it and finding ways to get better at it whether it be researching, trying new things, adjusting your environment, etc.

[@goldengirl5887]

Bethany u are ok, dear. Nothing wrong with u, esp if the whole of the home making falls on u. 3 kids in 5 yrs is a lot on ur body, emotions and hormones

[@johnharris7860]

Yes sir awesome steps for this married couple

[@whittenaw]

So many of the comments on here are straight up toxic. Some of y'all need to look inward and do some spring cleaning

[@jcfisher4988]

This never ends well especially because they have kids. I feel sorry for them but eventually her husband will get tired of this and leave. I've seen it too many times.

[@jeromehenry4484]

Surprised he lasted 5 years so far. He has the patience of a saint.

[@vantablack6809]

Or still stay in the relationship while having found an outlet to quench their thirst outside of it.

[@seosam652]

That’s because men are weak and pathetic. Easily the weakest species.

[@Ddx629]

​@@vantablack6809 Or he'll wait until the youngest turns 18

[@LilStitchy1]

Oh hun, I hear you. My partner and I haven't done anything since my 2 year old was born. I just got to the point where I'm too tired and I know our needs are very different so I leave him alone to watch his KZbin videos.

[@StarzMiercolesGomez]

I have always acted like I loved sex but its always been a chore and something to just keep partner happy but I have never enjoyed it and always feel dirty afterwards. Its such a gross act but yet as women we have to be these nymphos for men. I know modern feminism has ruined the way I view sex than free me. I could go the rest of my life without sex. I love my spouse but its a chore.

[@LSSYLondon]

Modern feminism has allowed you to not be forced to get married, not forced you to breed, allowed you to have a job and bank account instead of being beholden to a man who could legally rape you because marital consent wasn't a thing- even in the 1990's. You need to learn some history.

[@vaska1999]

How did feminism ruin sex for you?

[@Rayquesto]

Can’t wait for CGa to cover THIS ONE!

[@Rayquesto]

Aaaaannnnnndddd CGA covered it!!!

[@bethanysawyer7137]

What is CGA?

[@Rayquesto]

@@bethanysawyer7137 Coach Greg Adams

[@bethanysawyer7137]

I'm curious where would i find what you're talking about?

[@Rayquesto]

@@bethanysawyer7137 haha I don’t want to be a source of someone that might be the video taken down but Lemme look

[@aikdds4769]

TBH she should have healed this before even entering a relationship. She tried to heal herself through a new relationship & that’s just not okay

[@Hollerincicadas]

Sometimes healthy relationships illuminate traumas you didn't even realize you had. Awareness isn't linear.

[@rji5377]

Healed what? A French kiss she didn't want? Lol you ladies and your "trauma"

[@Va13chka]

@@rji5377Not you invalidating women’s trauma 🤡.

[@rji5377]

@@Va13chka your traumatizing me right now

[@krissifaith6709]

Sometimes this stuff doesn't surface until after marriage and kids... jeesh

[@ericavivanco7116]

Hi. Can someone write the book recommendation the Dr made? Please, I didn't understand and want to read it

[@katjorbar]

Come as You Are Emily Nagoski

[@evelyndaisy9722]

She’s dealing with a lot. Hope they can work on this issue .

[@bigbrain1392]

The amount of people here who think sex is not necessary to have a happy and fulfilling marriage is incredible. What a delusional, self centered, uneducated way to view the most intimate relationship you will ever have. If you think this is a negotiable thing and not a pillar of a successful marriage then please do that future man or woman a favor and do not waste their time.

[@tomnohmy1273]

She sounds like she's in pain, I hope she gets help

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

I read this as, "she sounds like she's a pain"

[@tomnohmy1273]

@@dr.jenniferma3914 ur a doctor, lol, I've decided to go elsewhere, sorry, lol

[@tomnohmy1273]

@@dr.jenniferma3914 bizarre, that u would think that, then feel the need to tell me, bizarre, glad I do see u.

[@tomnohmy1273]

I think over reacted to u, sorry.

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

@@tomnohmy1273 I was just telling a joke.

[@oddlysane5910]

I think some people are just Asexual(or similar) & that's ok. There maybe nothing "wrong" with you.

[@FTBASTAR]

Husband needs a work around then

[@nathanielgoggans109]

Correct. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being asexual--as long as you don't commit fraud by marrying some poor b*stard and having kids with him.

[@boston312]

why get married then?

[@nathanielgoggans109]

@@boston312 For real. Outside of the nearly unheard circumstance of arranged marriage or a fairly rare, purely practical/financial and non-romantic arrangement for purposes of insurance, social security, etc., it's shocking that getting married would even cross someone's mind if they don't want a sexual relationship with the other person.

[@anthill1510]

@@boston312 Well in this case if she is asexual she obviously doesn`t even know herself. So she married with the idea that being married to a guy she likes would fix it. In case of asexuality it doesn`t fix it.

[@lovecats6856]

It is not always the woman who doesn't want sex.

[@zachcline7555]

Yep ,I have zero interest in it

[@ajh3301]

True

[@ekaski1]

I think he missed the mark here. Dr Delony often has SUCH great advice and many relatable metaphors and stories, but I feel like this was a case where the caller needed to do a lot more talking and he needed to do a lot more listening. With 1 in 3 US women experiencing SA, of course many women have trauma responses to intimacy. Also the HIV-induced purity culture of the 80s and 90s left many women attached to ideas of sex as dirty. These two points will indeed cover A LOT of American women. But - consent and shame are only two components. America is going through a major change right now. For the first time in history, women now outearn their husbands, yet are still responsible for 80-95% of household labor. This can be especially prevalent in Christian families where women are expected to conform to Abrahamic gender norms, while also being the co- or primary breadwinners of the family. Stimulant use in mothers is rising drastically, because they don't have time to get everything done. This COULD be a reason. Is he helping around the home? Does he help with the kids? Does he expect her to maintain her pre-baby figure? Another possibility could be hormone imbalances/changes. Yet another possibility: many American women don't realize their pleasure is equally important. They think "enjoying sex" means enjoying serving him. And even her orgasm can be a matter of his ego. Many men claim to care about her pleasure, simply because it makes them feel like a good lover. They say things like, "Did anyone else ever make you feel like this?" "Am I the only man who does this for you?" This isn't at all caring about HER for HER sake. Many times women feel this even when they don't have the language to articulate it. I'm not claiming to know what her issues were, but my point is, I think she would've been better served with more questions and less advice.

[@jennybtx]

Yes! Exactly. Woman are supposed to work yet manage everything around the house. And this is common. Hormone imbalances are common too.

[@anthill1510]

Yes, why doesn`t he let the callers talk?!

[@jwbrooks55]

Why didn’t he ask if she was even attracted to her husband? She said there was another engagement prior to meeting her husband. He the one that got away? She still hung up on him?

[@Michael-ft9pm]

Haven’t had sex in 10 years since my divorce.

[@carrie893]

Sorry 😟

[@sococomfort22s34]

Sex after a divorce is adulterous. Your better off without in more ways than one

[@Nikkisweeets]

Congratulations. Abstinence is a virtue

[@carrie893]

@@sococomfort22s34 really? How so, I never heard that before

[@djpuplex]

$5k-10k + can solved that just make sure your babystep 4. Go to Nevada or overseas. Your gonna pay for it at some point. Just being honest.

[@XxhimynameiscynxX]

When I got my IUD my libido completely disappeared. I actually hated having to get naked and have sex with my partner. Now it's back to a regular want. But depression is a killer.

[@Ratataatata]

So what birth control method did you switch to if you don't mind me asking?

[@XxhimynameiscynxX]

@Ratataatata skyla and I'm still on it. I have been coping with it

[@joellejese1747]

It’s usually because you don’t respect him or don’t trust him.

[@amandamayfilms]

This is false.

[@jennybtx]

No.

[@bobbiierullo2673]

Same

[@mrcwoodworks4523]

I hope her husband never sees this

[@joeriveracomedy]

I dated a chick who clearly hated doing the hokie pokie but she still wanted the ring & wedding. Made zero sense to me.

[@livelife9644]

Maybe she liked the idea of being married

[@husbandcellame]

Seggs is for the men they are actually attracted to, not the betamale who takes a knee to be their betabuxxer lame s!mp wallet. Seggs isn't for married males.

[@Ddx629]

Because she wants the benefits and security of being married without the responsibilities. A lot of women are like this. It's literally like wanting a job that pays 6 figures, but not wanting to do any actual work. She just wasn't that into you but wanted to use for your time and resources. In the words of Patrice O'Neal "men wanna get sex without having to give up time, women wanna get time, attention, and validation without having to give up sex". It's part of a woman's dating strategy.

[@MikaComments]

If a man is skillful in love making to a woman than over time (it can take couple months) she will learn to respond to his caressing her body 👍. On the other hand some men just don't have a talent for love making 👎.

[@mr.horrorchild4094]

Did you learn this from experience?

[@KariMotley]

She sounds avoidant, I’m surprised she even called in to talk about this publicly because she’s so closed off.

[@phipsdeus2]

This will sound crass, but it has to be said: It sounds like she’s not attracted to him because he isn’t approaching intimacy as a leader. Women want to be lead instead of being asked at every step of the way. Also, knowing women, if he was built like an NFL tailback and was charismatic, none of the things she said would matter.

[@Guts318]

Coach Greg Adams sent me.

[@bluebirdtraveller1213]

Sex is just so blah am asexual and just see no need for sex. I don't get the big deal. John used the word "perform" about being a parent, worker/employee but I feel that sex has a ton of performance demands (must have an orgasm, must have multiples, must be loud, etc.) It's all so gross and unnecessary

[@solomonsircar5685]

U never had good good

[@jackieyoung3359]

She felt violated because her fiancé came in for a kiss that she didn’t want, even though she never told him she didn’t want it? That seems way over the top to me. I guarantee you she was abused as a small child and has blocked out the memory. Trauma would trigger a response that extreme.

[@LSSYLondon]

Sounds like she was raised in purity bs with Evangelical morons who made her fear intimacy, told her she wasn't worthy of being loved ... thus the over reaction.

[@BlueCollarTrades337]

Which book is the stock market reference in??

[@Masonevan]

This type of woman is terrifying. A walking contradiction. You’re comfortable enough to marry someone and have their children, but not be intimate with them ??😅😅 and if that is actually the case, why drag that poor man through such commitments ?? Bc you couldn’t say no ?! Smh, wild

[@kristenivory628]

What is the actual problem? She doesn’t seem to know?

[@kayjeffs3741]

She knows. She's not being honest about it.

[@kristenivory628]

@@kayjeffs3741 what do you think it is?

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

I've been wondering the same. There's all this silence and running around the issue. If it's trauma it's trauma. If it's bad technique it's bad technique. Identify the issue in order to solve it.

[@kayjeffs3741]

@@kristenivory628 her husband's d is trash...that's why she keeps reverting back to not wanting to have sex. She does it for a while, then its back to square one. Its not good so its a waste of time for her.

[@MsSimpleMovies]

I'm honestly wondering if it's autism. She had to talk herself into liking touch, it even kissing the previous guy.

[@badrobot114]

Don't know what the point of that tangent was. She's just not into her husband.

[@jphickory522]

Lots of psychobabble….. emotional issues are so complex that they are rarely understood (even more unlikely resolved) through a 15 min conversation.

[@Andy-gq5hb]

Her: "Hey John, I'm having trouble being intimate with my husband beca...." John: "Wow wow wow...who abused you?" Her: "Nobody, I just feel like...." John: "Who verbally abused you?!: Her: "Nobody, I was just thinking maybe it could be..." John: "ahhhhhhh wait. Who abused you?" Her: "Well I don't think anyone has ever abused me......" John: "I'm so sorry your family abused you."

[@lupsy54]

Lol he’s trying to get to the root cause…not easy.

[@krissifaith6709]

That isn't what he said at all.

[@littlesuzie89]

😂

[@Muzzy0085]

It was just french kissing? Jesus help this womans trauma

[@melkerner]

This is my Wife - emotionally absent Mother (who only communicated disapproval and negativity to her for her whole life - she wasn't a boy, so she wasn't wanted) - and a distant, not comfortable with touch or affection father. He was a great guy, but he showed love by gifts, did not show affection much. Of course our affection was hot and heavy during dating, engagement and the first few years of marriage - but after we adopted 4 kids - she started shutting down. Overload, overstressed, burn out for both of us - she started removing affection and sex (once a year - year and a half) for 7 years and now nothing, not even a kiss on the lips for 8 years. we are in marriage therapy with a certified sex therapist - but she simply shuts down, disappears into the TV or her phone and isn't moving to reconcile this death of our physical relationship. she seems resigned to just being happy without it - She says she understands my frustration and all the problems associated with forced celibacy, but yet expects me to simply stay and live with it. I can't fix her - staying for the kids - but that is also becoming more and more impossible as each day simply eats away at my soul.

[@clarina63]

I would say that what you think about your husband (based on what he does or doesn't) affect sex. Also, some antidepressant lower the libido.

[@civan28]

Bet you the moment her husband treats her the same way she will “change her mind “ 😂

[@nicvic1717]

Let’s just admit it: sex for women kinda sucks. It’s a lot of work for very little reward. And that’s coming from someone who “did it right” and waited for sex till marriage and has no history of abuse. I wish I liked sex. I wanted to like sex so badly, but it’s hands down been the biggest disappointment in my marriage.

[@CrystalM1917]

How long have you been married? I've been there. Was a virgin bride. Been married for almost 13 years. I can relate to a lot of what you've said but it does get better with time. If you really want to like it, I would look into getting your hormones checked bc that can play a part. Is it anything you known5hst happens that tanks your drive in your marriage? Mine has been my partners work schedule. We've often hardly spent enough time together to even be friends let alone lovers. As I get close to my late 30s, my libido has gotten higher. Something to look forward to.

[@nicvic1717]

@@CrystalM1917 I’ve been told it gets better with time. We’ll see. My husband gained 100lbs in the first 6 months of our marriage. The honeymoon was fun, but that was about it. We came home and by the end of the month, he already needed a new wardrobe. We’ve been married 9 years now with 4 kids, and in that time, I’ve learned he comfort eats for every single emotion he feels. We talk about everything; always have. I know the frustration and anger and hopelessness he feels. I lead by example and have gotten more fit since having kids even though I’ve always been a health nut (which was one of the things that he liked about me because he knew he grew up in a very unhealthy environment and was adamant about wanting to change before we got married). He’s gone to therapists off and on, but when it comes to changing habits, he just can’t/won’t do it. I love him dearly, but I’ve definitely shut myself off to him because continually being open and vulnerable with him just hurts me too much. I know that if I were attracted to him physically and saw the drive and motivation he had to present his best self to me in our marriage, my attraction for him would make a complete 180 and it’d be so easy for me to be turned on just by being around him! But as it is, his unwillingness to change and his constant pity parties just suck all desire and libido out of me. I want to have hot, steam sex and I’d love to experience an orgasm! But with the way his health is going now in our early 30s, perhaps that’s something I’ll have to wait for and experience in my next marriage once he dies, because that’s the road he’s heading down due to his choices.

[@kayjeffs3741]

Not when its done the right way it doesn't

[@Jamie-wh3kd]

This is so true. I was shocked at how boring sex actually was once I started having it. So much culture and music and art and poems and books centered around the human sexual experience and in reality it's the most mindnumbing, boring activity on planet earth.

[@CrystalM1917]

I've had great sex. I've had multiple orgasms, pretty much every time. So with me, I know how to have good sex and my partner can deliver it. The reality is I can still take it or leave it bc I need so much more than sex. The sun doesnt rise and set on sex. I need a lot more from my husband than i get from him in order to have optimal drive and desire. and I've told him what I need and he doesn't change. So while I will have sex, I don't eat breath and pray at the alter of sex like men do. Tbh I would hate to be driven by testosterone to the degree that men are slaves to it. I want to have more control over every aspect of my life than that.

[@You2oob]

@14:22 Wasn't that book criticised enough?

[@saltnwaves]

What if you never knew pleasure never felt it don't know what it even feels like?

[@TheFlyingZulu]

Women, like men, need to feel good about themselves before somebody else can make them feel good about themselves. IMO this is what is going on here, the lady feels very insecure in her own body. 5:25 John hit this on the head perfectly "for your body it is the opposite... where does that come from?"

[@righand]

Another episode of John trying to guess and totally missing it

[@burymebelowawillowtree9243]

The comments are way better than his input

[@davidg.9561]

She sounded distracted and not totally engaged with the call, so John had nothing to do except guess.

[@CrystalM1917]

But as a man his default is going to this talk of , "I want reckless, steamy crazy good sex...etc. whenever he assumes that's what the caller is hoping for if only but for whatever obstacle is keeping them from reaching that. Bc most men cannot fathom actually just not wanting sex. But she seemed disconnected bc i think she genuinely just doesn't really like sex. Period. she knows it's a problem bc her husband desires it which is why she called but she strikes me as the type that could take it or leave it..preferably leave it, and there isn't some deep seated psychological reason for it. Unfortunate bc her husband deserves to have his desires fulfilled I'm sure she would be hurt if infidelity occurred .

[@nathanielgoggans109]

@@CrystalM1917 If that's true, then she should act like an adult and let him out of the marriage on good terms so he can start over with a real partner.

[@CrystalM1917]

@@nathanielgoggans109 I agree.

[@huntingsynth]

The right answer is trauma that began and was reinforced at an early age of high nurturing will require a lifelong journey of work…but that is not an anchor but a balloon

[@bansheesioux5569]

Either communicate with him or leave. Basically simple

[@nickdipaolofan5948]

"own her needs" what about her husbands needs?

[@nickdipaolofan5948]

@Bok Choy who are you to decide what is a need for someone? Could you imagine if someone told a woman that her emotional needs were not a "need".... I'll put it like this, for me, sex is a requirement in my marriage.

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

People are way too selfish these days.

[@FTBASTAR]

@bokchoy3511 It's a biological need, hence it's a need

[@geo865833]

@Bok Choy I take it you don't have sex regularly.

[@schawnettarobinson8584]

That sucks.

[@noellelane5229]

The audio on this one isnt great

[@jillmathisen3731]

I think she needs to go to a doctor about her hormone level. Pregnancy can mess levels to the extreme for some reason. I think she would be able to adapt more quickly to other situations if her hormone levels are level. Its painful to listen to her communication to Dr John. She cannot even be specific without Dr John having to probe more. I hope she can get back on track.

[@braziliannigga]

As a single 29 yo, why would a man even wanna get married nowadays if he is not interested in having kids? It's not a rethorical question. I'm at crossroads and really trying to look for rational upsides.

[@bigbrain1392]

This is a great rabbit hole to dive down. I personally am split on it. There is a good argument to be made that the entire purpose of marriage is familial stability and with no intention of starting a family there isn’t much of a reason. That being said, I would look deeper into why I wouldn’t want kids. Having kids seems to give life a much deeper meaning and purpose and (in my opinion) makes life much more worth living. I think having and raising good children with strong values is the responsible thing to do. Just my two cents.

[@CrystalM1917]

If you're able to achieve what you're looking for in life without marriage, stay single. Also, consider what your life will look like in old age and be ok with the increased likelihood that you may be without anyone to love or care about you. If this doesn't matter to you, then by all means live your life as it is.

[@tode5675]

There are real upsides to long term relationships, and I'm a believer in marriage. That said, in today's world a man is at a severe disadvantage if/when the relationship breaks down if there are legal ties such as marriage. (60+% do) I advised my son to get cut and spend the better part of a decade getting to know prospective wife material, unfortunately that recipe curtails any large family even if the vasectomy is reversed. The ol' trust but verify.

[@braziliannigga]

@@tode5675 Yeah, from what I've learned women don't even wanna have sex after marriage lol. So it's basically like having a roommate with extra responsibility.

[@tode5675]

@@braziliannigga Don't put up with that BS! Not even for a week. If you're going all in so should she. Took me 3 tries before I got it right, be upfront going in that you won't ever put up with a sexless relationship. Even if she becomes physically disabled she can still contribute to a "healthy for you as a couple sex life" so it's her choice to end things or keep them active. Equally you must provide her a healthy sex life or she should walk........Unless you both agree that's what you want? A "loving couple" requires being lovers first and foremost.

[@celnaz]

Something tells me her husband has a sub 6" or that he's a minuteman

[@talyahr3302]

As a lesbian, I didn't enjoy sex with men and took me time to realize I just love having sex with women. Doesn't have to be depression or trauma or insecurity. He should've asked if she ever used to enjoy sex with him, or any other man.

[@sungear]

I admire this woman for trying. However, she won't stay married.

[@mrich9654]

She’s creating her own problems

[@KariMotley]

Some people do have higher sex drives than others though. There’s some people that actually have a real problem because of either extreme, be it really high or really low. No matter how often I was giving my ex sex and meeting his sexual desires, I’d still catch him watching porn. It was out of control, his wife now deals with the same and he’s cheated on her several times. Some people, usually men… it’s just never enough!

[@vineetsf7]

16:57 Up in the air 😂

[@nargesalove228]

She is asexual.

[@nikkif9873]

Wow the comments 🤦‍♀️