I Gave My Girlfriend An Ultimatum After She Said I Can't Hang Around Men r/Relationships

[@MichuNako9]

Story 2 OP asked for advice, got it, decided to ignore it and then OF COURSE shit went down. The whole thing sounded so dumb, should have had a partner for themselves too

[@paulman34340]

Nope, the moment she asked him, she did it already and wanted to be PUBLIC! And when he didn't, she went to her SECOND option to put it on break, and made him aware KNOWING it would devastate him! She KNOWS it's over! If OP had dumped her for this. She'd have been the one DEVESTATED trying to win him back.....and dating about! OP clung to failure, and he suffered the ultimate price to his sanity

[@yozarahirvi4750]

@@paulman34340 they were long distance, I tihink they could go public without OP learning about it so I don't think they had done it already when she asked OP to open the relationship.

[@paulman34340]

@@yozarahirvi4750 Yeah, but I mean by "Public" it's more if it somehow got back to OP (In which case "he okay it so he can't get mad) or she wanted to Mitigate the guilt of betraying him by going for the go to "If he says it's okay, then I'm not the bad guy here!" Of course OP suffered the OTHER outcome which was her eventually talking herself into wondering "does she REALLY need validation from OP!" till eventually she talked and justified to herself way out of the relationship with him. Had he struck sooner. She would have been the one going through the mental gymnastics trying to do the same thing he's doing in "Was it all worth it" in her case!......Or she'd have moved on without a care. But at least OP wouldn't be in the state he's in (or in a FAR lesser state!) because sadly this is WHY they tell you not to be the one who gets "dumped" especially in the mindset of "I can fix this!" (The REPLY ends here, below is basically my reasoning from "Experiencing a love one also suffer the same fate as OP!" Just adding this here to warn THE BELOW IS LONG) Because sadly I watched this unfold with my idiot little brother! Man wasted 12 years of his life (started when he was 20) AGONIZING over a cheating slut who used him then dumped and robbed him while he was still reeling (He's basically what happens when the "Chad" who had all the girls grows out of high school, got older and "dreamed of settling down and having a family".....and then he gets cucked! Imagine how damaged their ego/manhood will get from that). He's drinking himself into Coma's Rehab does shit (to the point he's got NO inheritance waiting for him when FAR FAR FAR in the future our mother passes! Sorry I just refuse to not think this way, my mother has me as executor of her will and keeps trying to tell me what she expects me to do! I'd rather NOT dwell on her dying anytime soon! I get it's precaution and she's in her early 50's about to hit mid but still!) as he falls off REALLY easily! He just keeps RETREADING THE SAME ISSUE (Idiot keeps getting with ANY GIRL that takes him, each one is WORSE then the one before them, their getting worse and worse! Second one cucked him and he had to be forcefully removed) he's become a threat to the family as of late (had to PEPPER SPRAY my own little brother, I'm a man that LOVES my family so it was that or watch my 4 year old niece from my sister get trampled in his rampage and our mother getting hurt restraining him! Dude is a body builder and I'm pudgy! He has RAGE issues even BEFORE the drinking himself to death happened and Last time we grappled five years back as I don't like HITTING my siblings...but they or HE sure as hell likes hitting me, well he got the upper hand for once and he tried to strangle me with the collar of my SHIRT! Too enraged as he can RAGE himself before a fight happens! As I said he has ALOT of issues that this shit made things WORSE! But frankly I prioritize my nephews, nieces and mother over my siblings, or specifically him as the others never gave problems!) He is a perfect example of how this can end badly as he had a chance to AVOID the fate that happened to him with the first GF that started this! But like a "Pick Me" idiot. He REFUSED advice from me and our mother (he was having doubts and evidence was PILING UP. So we gave him the advice HE NEEDED because he's my little brother/Our mother's child. Of course we have his best interest at heart! Thing is the idiot is a NARC so he can't STAND not having his bad idea's VALIDATED! This wasn't the first time he's done this by the way, he would ask for help, then get mad when it's not "What he wanted" AKA he was ALREADY full hands on his bad plan. He just wanted one of us to be a Yes man so when it blew up in his face meaning a part of him KNEW we were right, he would pin the blame on us in his head! He is DEADLY afraid of ANYTHING being his fault because his dad TRAMITIZED him hard, asshole kidnapped him for a year when he was ten and harshly punished him for ANYTHING he could blame on him. Ma tried therapy when we got him back, but he was SO Angry, then he ceased seeing me as an older brother to respect and someone he had to "conquer and surpass" I'd be happy for that, him trying to do better then me, but he went in the "Little brother BULLY" direction and could never understand WHY I got angry and didn't want him around me when he acted this way or refused to understand. And it got worse when our baby brother was born as I'm far closer to him then little brother! He went BIG BROTHER bully on baby brother and is SHOCKED baby brother wants LITTLE to do with him (unlike me who KNEW little brother before his father ruined him, Baby brother ONLY knows the Angry asshole he turned into, so unlike me back then as I DID feel guilty for his kidnapping, I promised to protect him always, then left to stay with our Aunt at our mother's advice for a year when that kidnapping happened. For a while I believed it was my fault and I deserved his anger! But I got older and realized No it wasn't and if he wants to blame me, he can fuck off with that shit (he got away with ALOT in our teens because that guilt effected my judgement at the time) First off I will apologize for the tirade that went off the topic, but the starting paragraph was the answer to your reply! This was me giving an idea on WHY I came to the conclusion of the OP of this story as I did in my first reply

[@Because-rt8qs]

The "sex to get them out of my system" is a common trope in romance novels. It's like they're living in a book and not real life. LoL

[@letsgoletsgodalso4701]

honestly I lost respect and sympathy for op after the 2nd edit. no wonder his ex cheated on him.

[@ps9501]

Tyra will be in shock once she realizes that lesbian women are more likely to cheat with women rather than men.

[@spockezri]

this comment made me laugh so hard lmaooo you're not wrong!! i think that's the whole point of being a lesbian 😂

[@LilFeralGangrel]

wait, OP isn't even bi and Tyra managed to be biphobic towards her? Tyra isn't ready for relationships she needs therapy.

[@AlexxeMJFAN]

Omg for real? That's gross !!

[@sadtitties222]

Exactly! Biphobia is a disease and it's amazing how common it is in the queer community. 😑 You'd be surprised at how many non-bisexuals use their trauma after being dumped by one or more bisexuals as an excuse to be biphobes. Many straight/hetero people cheat, but for some reason the term "cheater" is not a common term used against them. Hell, gay men and lesbians cheat too, but if you call it out you're branded a "homophobe" or a "lesbophobe". But for some reason it's open season when it comes to us bisexuals. 🙄

[@immapotato1]

we learn in the update is the whole ex cheating on her is a lie. she and her family (and even her friends) were isolating the ex from her family before she left after getting a restraining order against Tyra. that was pretty much the plan with OP too but she was smarter.

[@hello93617]

She's more heterophobic. If she was concerned about her girlfriend cheating with men AND women, then it would be Biphobic. She's concerning herself with her girlfriends contact with cis- straight men (she was fine if they were trans or gay). Essentially, she doesn't believe her girlfriend is gay.

[@robertx8020]

Blast tyra on every sm known to ''man' Warn every person out there for this toxic group!

[@Deedoof]

Story 2: If you're monogamous and someone brings up opening the relationship, you need to end the relationship. If you open things up you could be miserable and the partner could leave anyway, or they cheat if you say no. Either way you'll be miserable. Therapy or exit plan at that point.

[@poohbear4515]

OP in that story was just pitifully spineless. I lost ever sort of sympathy I had for him in the beginning.

[@sherimarvin5938]

every update was just worse and worse

[@KCohere33]

OP is a simp.

[@Deedoof]

@@poohbear4515 Low self-esteem or lack or relationship experience could be the cause. OP needs time to reflect and hopefully grow a spine.

[@vanzy01]

💯👍🏿

[@vamp567]

Story 2: This comes from someone who has been in a very similarly situation to OP: OP is an IDIOT. This wasn’t an open relationship. Open relationships work BOTH ways. Did OP see anyone during the time the relationship was open? Was he even allowed to? His ex partner asked for permission to cheat, and she got exactly that. Threw him away the first chance sbe got. OP, pick yourself up, forget the hoe, and move on. You deserve so much better. And next time someone asks to open the relationship? Dump them then and there

[@ronhall5395]

Righr, she had already decided she was going to pursue this guy at work. The whole discussion about an open relationship was so she could monkey branch to the new guy. She knew the whole time that if new guy was compatible in bed, she was dropping you. Not that he is better than OP, but because he is right there while OP is Far away.

[@AlainLemay69]

Simps will be simps...

[@SirFailsalot91]

OP got the Will Smith treatment, but fortunately for OP, the relationship there actually ended.

[@theakaneko]

If a partner want to open a monogamous relationship for a Specific Person... They're already trying to mess around. Working open relationships are like hard mode - not for most people and needing plenty of prep and check-ins on all fronts.

[@bbjjbb61]

I'm sorry but that's a post from a perpetual victim. OP is internalizing and being silly, i.e., I don't want to burn bridges with anyone I meet in life? That's an insane perspective and leads to someone being walked on forever. He went online and probably got hundreds of comments telling him she just wanted to cheat. He didn't ever even really use the word cheat and he ignored EVERYONE'S advice over and over again. He definitely needs to change his entire perspective because this is going to happen again when he inevitably lets her back or finds another one like her.

[@theblackKatKuro]

The 2nd story reminds me of that guy who simply showed his gf the door as soon as she said she wanted to open the relationship. Thats what you do in these cases. The number of people manipulating partners into letting them cheat is prepostorous. If you want tosleep with someone else just end the relationship. And the number of people who let their partners walk all over them in these situations is too much for my mental health...

[@ronhall5395]

Agree, ultimately the truth came out, she didnt want to be friends with new guy, she wanted to screw him. It was all about exploring her sexuality, not being friends. Her dumping him was very predictable. OP needs to move on. She will most likely at some point want to come back to him to start her family. Absolutely do not wait for her or accept her back.

[@sf2132]

Her "releasing the tension" can cause more tension for OP if she gives him a STD/STI!

[@SirFailsalot91]

We live in a "modern era" and "traditional" monogamy is "too restrictive" and "oppressive" these days, that's why you get lunatics posing as "relationship experts" trying to convince men (and it's always men) to let their girlfriend/wife cheat on them or do backdoor stuff despite them being straight and finding no appeal in sticking things up there. Just because something is a "new different way of living" doesn't mean it's immediately better or healthier than what's already in existence and socially the norm, and it's no surprise that "open relationships" between monogamous partners who don't enjoy cuckoldry always ends in disaster.

[@bbjjbb61]

​@@ronhall5395 He'll be back asking if he should hear her out and he'll ignore all the advice he gets. He reminds of those people who are perpetual victims. His whole world view is going to keep him getting in toxic relationships. I don't really feel bad for him or anyone else who asks for advice, gets a consensus of the same answers, then completely ignores said advice all while saying they don't get it, they don't understand, blah blah blah

[@technicaldifficulties368]

@@SirFailsalot91 Traditional monogamy meant the man cheated and the woman had no options but to accept for the most part. Just as an aside. This has no bearing on modern relationships. Cheaters suck.

[@cycy1578]

Story 2: OP has got to be the most naïve educated man ever! She knew what she wanted from the time she met this guy, she just wanted to keep him in her back pocket just in case.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

Their "relationship" was over the moment she moved away from him. To solidify it was really over, she asked for an open relationship. He asks Reddit and ignores the overwhelming advice and instead plays the p*ssy card. Women don't want a p*ssy. They want a REAL MAN to claim them and take them and own them. I bet nearly every guy on Reddit that is getting cheated on has low testosterone levels and is probably a Democrat.

[@technicaldifficulties368]

Intuition is a weird name for your vagina

[@Waapitii]

His favorite sports position is left bench

[@Holzf43ller]

i hoped with every update that he would eventually grow some balls... and he did not. he just wined. maybe this was the reason to loose respect for you in the first place? it could even be that she wanted to get checked by him. just so she can see that her boyfrtiend is actually a man and not a whining pussy.

[@juanhaines7295]

Story 1 nta she wanted to isolate you from nearly everyone in your life. Good on you for cutting her out. She is so toxic.

[@iasomnium919]

I was looking at that title alone, trying to wrap my head around that girlfriend's logic. Only way that could make any twisted semblance of sense how she came to that conclusion would be either OP was a girl or bi man. But then those would both mean she had *sweet home alabama* in her head.

[@heidifruchtl354]

My hubby and I have a great relationship. We've both been cheated on. He knew for sure, I didn't have proof except for my gut. But his job makes him travel, big rig tracker. And the only person who had a problem with the fact that I literally didn't know, or care where he was when he was gone, of all of my friends and family, was my mom. She would question me, and I'd shrugged, saying north, east or south, no clue what town. But everyone, including my dad, were saying, he's working. We're late 40s, and I think the reason I have no problem with not knowing is that I dated a navy guy in my early 20s, and he would be gone for days or weeks for work. All I knew was that he was on the ship.

[@condorboss3339]

If OP had been cis and Tyra was male, everyone would have labelled Tyra a controlling psychopath from the start.

[@darnelltucker9163]

I'm curious if Tyra's friends and family were aware her ex had a restraining order out on her.

[@cniknik9863]

​@@condorboss3339 they were calling her controlling and crazy from the start though.

[@whims6278]

"Partners don't give ultimatums" after her gf gave her an ultimatum

[@ArcaneNim]

Right? That got me too.

[@iononcantomascrivo]

I guarantee you they were told a very one-sided and embellished version of events. Tyra is extremely insecure and is expecting OP to makeup for a crap ex. I've never understood people who finally bag a good partner but expect them to make up for all the toxic jerk-off exes that hurt them in the past. I'm just going to take a stab at it here, that Tyra played a bigger role in her previous relationships going south, just like she did with OP. Also, it's quite common for the person accusing the faithful partner of being a cheater, only to actually be the cheater themselves. I had a friend like this. I've talked about her in other comments. Let's call her Kelly. She was dead-convinced that her husband was cheating on her, but it was really Kelly who fantasized about being with other men. She would rant, at length, about how she didn't love her husband, how she would leave him if she found something better, the whole nine yards. Make no mistake, I did not ask her to tell me ANY of this. I was an unwilling audience participant in the show that was Kelly. When it came to a breaking point, I told Kelly, in no uncertain terms, that I was done with her and she should have been more mindful not to turn someone who was once very loyal into an enemy. I told her that I knew too much about her and I spilled everything to her husband. Of course, she doesn't know that. Her life is a rancid smelling dumpster fire and she made it that way.

[@akl2k7]

Rules for thee but not for me.

[@MoxieSong]

I'm glad this irony was pointed out in the comments. I was screaming at my phone when Mark was reading this lol

[@saldiven2009]

I'm impressed how mature and grounded OP was in the first story. She knew that what her GF was asking for was completely unreasonable from the jump and didn't give in to the demands. Too many people in these stories are years into this abusive behavior before they start questioning whether or not it's wrong. Regarding story 2, OP is an idiot. Should have dumped her as soon as she brought it up. She was just using him as a safety net while she played around to her heart's content. It's crazy the kind of pedestal he has this manipulative so-and-so sitting on.

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

Exactly! If she really just wanted to be platonic friends with the other guy, she wouldn't need to ask permission. You can be friends with whoever you want. She intended all along to explore starting a new romantic/sexual relationship with the co-worker, and just kept OP on a string in case it didn't work out. I hope therapy helps him come to terms with that, and helps him move on. He will find someone he can trust when he's ready.

[@amandab8433]

Story 2 : She played OP like a fiddle. She knew she could string him along, and so did. OP needs some intense therapy to see that SHE in all honesty isn't good enough for HIM. Wish him nothing but the best, and hopefully he'll find his was out of her web of bull$hit.

[@jacobsmith-hi6ey]

I lost a friend because he couldn't tell that the girl he was dating was straight up cheating on him and gaslit him to understanding her need for an open relationship. 15 years of friendship gone down the drain and he still can't admit he was wrong to this day.

[@Daaaanielle]

That was pathetic to read. The guy has ZERO spine and she could tell and literally took advantage. 😂 How can you be so lame and still wonder why she did that to him. It’s because she sensed his weakness.

[@jacobsmith-hi6ey]

​@@Daaaanielle But I really did feel for the fool. never once did he make a statement of if this was an open relationship who he can get start having a relationship with.

[@johnbradbury8610]

@@jacobsmith-hi6ey maybe at first, but by the third update, I lost all respect.

[@HomethaSick]

​@Daaaanielle yeah that was so cringe to listen to 😂 Honestly can't feel sorry for people like that. Obviously he wasn't comfortable with an open relationship and everyone was telling him it would go bad, yet he still let it happen because he is too timid. He needs to stay away from relationships until he finds his spine.

[@Shortypants1215]

Story 1: As a lesbian, I feel for OP tremendously. As much as I really want Tyra to get help, I am beyond relieved that OP got out of that abusive, toxic relationship. I wish her the very best.

[@navi2710]

Would you feel just as forgiving and empathy if the person giving the ultimatum was a straigh person? There is nothing to feel sorry for because Tyra is being a manipulative and controlling AH. They are punishing OP for the actions of their ex which is complete bullshit. OP did the best ending things with Tyra.

[@kimberlyterasaki4843]

I think the scariest part of the first story is that Tyra’s friends and family all enable her. Like she had a restraining order put against her and they still take her side.

[@susankaempfer8427]

That 2nd story… 😳🙄😒 OP sounds sooooo naive. She wanted permission to cheat but wanted to keep you on the back burner. She is using you and will continue to use you if you let her.

[@LilFeralGangrel]

"Partners don't give each other ultimatums" isn't that what Tyra did? she gave the first ultimated and demanded to have control over her partner, but somehow OP is in the wrong because she isn't interested in being manipulated and abused.

[@Tottosmile]

Yeah and her ultimatum was wayyyy more extreme in how it would affect one's life. The whole story is nuts

[@ZombieMinion1992]

But it’s not an ultimatum if the person, had a ton of trauma behind it! /s

[@andrewi.crocker8675]

​@@ZombieMinion1992Trauma that turns out to be based on lies that didn't actually happen

[@ScooterBond1970]

But it's dIfFeReNt! /s

[@cryofist]

"Only a sith deals in absolutes" lol

[@thefallennero5265]

Story 2: Anyone else's Spidey-sense kick in when the GF said she feels a " sacred and rare connection" with her co-worker and just wanted the "opportunity to sort through her curiosity"?

[@lindah3803]

Yep. Translation to that is:I'm completely engulfed by him. He is amazing in bed.

[@ronhall5395]

She probably had already screwed this guy. Just want his permission so she didn't have to sneak around. Not surprised she dumped OP. After all what sort of partner lets his girl screw other guys. Lol. Bottomline, it was over already, she just strung it out to make it seem you two drifted apart. Nope, she met a hotter guy who she felt a connection with. OP was not around, so she dumped OP.

[@bunnyslippers191]

I gagged at that moment. "Rare and sacred" means "Hot and Available" and she want to have sex with him.

[@bunnyslippers191]

Her "intuition" is just a new age term she's using for lust. She has the hots for this guy. There's nothing "rare and sacred" about being horny for someone. She gaslit this poor guy. I hope OP can build up a shiny spine and move on.

[@locusxe1411]

My senses kicked in when I heard they were both long distance

[@LilFeralGangrel]

Story 2: nope just end the relationship.she wants to have any other relationship but she doesn't want to leave this one. non-monogamy doesn't fix relationships, it just adds further complications.(edit: i'm saying this as a polyamorous person) last update: knew it.

[@ronhall5395]

Yes, knew as soon as she said she wanted to open it for this one guy. She wanted an affair, but wanted OP to remain loyal in case it didn't work out. Since there was no talk at all about her letting him date other women, it was never a true poly situation. Last update says it all.

[@momo382844]

Sis, you deserve so much better than this. This isn’t a relationship, it’s prison sentence. Tyra has a lot of issues and it isn’t your job to to fix them. Keep that backbone strong! Also, OP’s Mom is a rockstar! ⭐️

[@Tailstraw_xD]

Amen. Well said.

[@yaqbulyakkerbat4190]

This 100% Tyra jumping straight to public drama and sending flying monkeys when op didn't acquiesce really hits the nail on her level of maturity and mental stability

[@dianabialaskahansen2972]

Story 2: You were monogamous. The moment she brought up open relationship is the moment you end it. Instead this moron ignored the 99% of posts and ended up getting burned.

[@tully6648]

Exactly so. If you are monogamous and want to remain that way, it is 100% okay to say "No. I don't want an open relationship. You can explore another relationship with another person, and you and that person can have an open relationship if you both want that, but I don't, I can't, and I won't." It's a deal breaker, plain and simple.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

They weren't even in a relationship. The moment she moved away and he didn't move with her, the relationship was over. There is no such thing as a Long Distance Relationship. You are text/skype buddies who MIGHT meet up from time to time for sex. A romantic relationship requires physicality. Without physicality, it isn't a relationship. People are idiots, this guy is the biggest one. The chick moved away because she wanted to get away from him. Oh, and she was probably banging this other dude from day one but was trying to nicely drop the simp. Women don't want a p*ssy. They want a REAL man oozing masculinity and testosterone. Not some new age modern simp that probably cried the entire time on the phone to her.

[@platinum_noelle]

​@@thomasjoseph5876wrong, LDRs are possible, just very difficult because while some people like OP are able to stay faithful, other people are like the gf and can'tlive without a constant companion or sex. My bf and I have been in one for a couple years because neither of us have the means to leave our state yet. We talk all the time, try to visit when we can afford to. Although our favorite thing is to cuddle together when we see each other, and we get sad that we can't when we're apart, we still have a full romantic relationship. This isn't about OP being in a LDR, it's about OP dating a girl who decided she wanted permission to cheat, OP asked for advice that he promptly ignored, and the expected happened.

[@paulman34340]

Then wants people to feel sorry for him by acting sooo pitiful it's sickening! I can feel bad for people! But I have NO Patience for those like him after having DEALT with an IDIOT like him before! My younger brother who asked advice and then ignored it unless your "The obvious you're NOT me his elder brother or OUR MOTHER!" He's SO SCARED of failure and ETC that he leaves himself weak willed and easily exploitable! His ex did this to him! (And stole all his money in the Joint Account he told NO ONE ABOUT! So no one knew till she took it

[@knrdvmmlbkkn]

@@thomasjoseph5876"Women don't want a p*ssy." Except, for instance, those in story 1.

[@bigz3483]

Story 2: I don't feel bad for OP at all. His "open mindedness" got him into a world of hurt and now he has a shocked Pikachu face wondering why his girlfriend left him. Next time he should trust his gut

[@johnbradbury8610]

He started off talking about how great the relationship is knowing his GF wants to sleep with other guys. I bet she was cheating the whole time. Women don't respect weakness, and OP has it from head to toe.

[@OmniscientlyMe]

Yeah, that's not "open mindedness" that's gullibility.

[@jadefury1798]

I am open minded. I also believe that you start as you mean to go on. If I enter a non-monogamous relationship, cool. If I enter a monogamous relationship and my partner wants to open it, that's a sign that they haven't been honest with themselves or me. They need to figure out what they really want and I need to leave.

[@coreymartin6486]

Being "open minded" to every idea and lifestyle doesn't mean that its good. People only hurt themselves by not having backbones.

[@lightsalt8530]

Yeah people are now being so open minded their brains are falling out

[@MisterNightfish]

Story 1: If you punish people who are in your life now for what people in your past did there can be no future. Whenever someone tries to do that to you, just leave. You can't fix what you didn't break. Story 2: If she asks for an open relationship, just move on. It's over. It never ends well. The only real choice you get to make is whether you want to torture yourself for weeks or months before admitting this to yourself.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Tyra is not ready to be in a relationship. Do not move in with her, don't even stay in this relationship. She needs a therapist, not a partner. This is worse than being in prison. Do not do this. Proud of OP for having a spine. There's comfort then there's being unreasonable and completely out of pocket. And bisexual people exist.

[@christianalbarran6544]

She’s abusive she just wants control

[@niyablake]

Tyra is not ready to be outside the mental ward

[@sadtitties222]

Agreed! We bisexuals exist and yet we (along with trans people/nonbinary people, pansexuals, asexual/ace/aro people, etc.) are the most targeted members of the queer community by both straight/hetero people and "gold star" gay men and lesbians. Other people of other sexualities cheat, and yet it's us who are the only ones associated with the term! I'll never f*cking understand it. 😑

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

@@niyablake agreed

[@truthseeker9249]

Yeah they do. I'm one of them.

[@lilysfield1]

Story 2: OP got gaslighted by the toxic and non committed girlfriend. He was her backup plan and she wanted to keep him on a string. He should have dumped her when she first mentioned her plans to be with another man. He made a narrow escape from this manipulator. Hope he strengthens his backbone in the future

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

“She wants to be with me in the future”…um,it will not work! OP was already worried, confused and hurt that she was with another man and will always harbor those thoughts in the future. He will always have some lingering resentment for her that she chose to be with another man…will never go back to being truly happy with their “perfect” relationship.

[@jp-fk5ke]

He didnt even escape. She let him go but OP still i feel like believes they can fix it and thinks that he hasn't been duped even though gf has done all but say that

[@darnelltucker9163]

@@jp-fk5ke Op was a simp. When a women brings up an open relationship, it's a permission to cheat. Unfortunately, he was being delusional. On top of that, long-distance relationships rarely work.

[@meggreen4058]

NTA; Mercy for whoever starts dating Tyra next, it’ll just be the same abusive, controlling cycle. And Tyra refusing to leave because the break up “didn’t sound like Op” and blaming the mom for it is textbook narcissistic abusive perspective & behavior, it’s never their fault, throwing a tantrum and waiting on the other to give in, and then saying behavior that goes against what the abuse wants isn’t “like them” to try to guilt the ex to do the the abuser wants and “ act like themselves again”. Disgusting

[@ettinakitten5047]

Whatya bet Tyra's next partner will be told a sob story about how OP cheated on Tyra?

[@LordBison98]

Story 2: OP really let that woman walk all over him, break his boundaries and completely spit on him. If only he grew a spine and broke it off early. But he just wasted almost a year of his life for that snake.

[@ebbss4]

And wasted a good 10 min of mine because I had to listen to that bullshit

[@SirFailsalot91]

It's stories like that which can turn guys into incels, hopefully OP doesn't fall into that crab bucket and actually learns to love himself again.

[@MONKEYDZETS]

But this is what society wants for men. Now you have to give women everything you Gotta not stand up for yourself. How dare you stop her from experiencing new things I can tell he does not have one guy for an in his life.

[@MONKEYDZETS]

@@SirFailsalot91 this is why the red pill exist. This is why there is the red pill because men like this do not have time, and you would rather be cheated on. I treated like trash bin lose a girl who does not respect you.

[@CaulkMongler]

“I just feel really close to your sister and think I need to get it out of my system by exploring that” see how that goes over lmao

[@Tokyo_Rose.]

Story 2 - I felt the way that she kept dangling OP along for months was incredibly cruel. Although, I don't understand how he didn't 'see this coming'. OP is unbelievably naive.

[@MONKEYDZETS]

He doesn’t have a spine and uses the Internet for a device. Of course, this is what was going to happen. He spent all the time talking about how him not opening up the relationship made her feel sad and depressed. That is ridiculous.

[@Tokyo_Rose.]

@magahn4020 And only speaking every few weeks? He is incredibly naive. I don't understand why someone didn't tell him he was being used. Sort of like a 'fall back on guy' if it didn't work out with the new guy.

[@Mama_Bear_of_3]

Story 2. I too was in a similar situation. My boyfriend of 3 years wanted to "open" our relationship. I responded by dumping his sorry ass. I met my husband 2 months later, and we are about to celebrate our 30th anniversary this coming February 2024.

[@AlexxeMJFAN]

Tyra needs therapy ASAP and don't need a relationship right now, she's an abusive and controlling person. OP deserves better, and her mom is amazing

[@debc6260]

Rolling my eyes so hard at 2nd OPs choices. Cuckold.

[@devegas4910]

Story 1: Tyra has terrible friends. GREAT FRIENDS would've told her about herself by now and told her to get some therapy. It sucks that the last girl she was with cheated on her with a guy, but she needs to heal from that hurt before she gets into another relationship and makes another girl pay for her previous ex's crimes. I'm glad Op stood tall and didn't take that crap. She couldn't have any interactions with men who weren't gay? so her father? her grandfather? her uncles? her brothers? male coworkers who she would HAVE TO WORK WITH? HER BOSS? INSTRUCTORS? What about her doctor? Make that make sense. And how would op go about proving that they were gay if she was dumb enough to agree to that? Would she have to be in the room with them when they're having sex with other men? because I can only see this be taken to the extreme. And best believe Tyra surely wouldn't impose this rule on herself After the update: So it turns out that Tyra doesn't need therapy after all. SHE NEEDS PRISON. And all that stuff she made up about her ex was a fucking lie. She's not hurt. She's just abusive. I'm glad op has a strong network of friends and family that will act the minute she tries anything Story 2: I have a feeling a lot of people told op to break up with her right then and there after he made the initial post, and he's been blinded by love to not act on it. She's following her own intuition, he needed to follow his. He made her his life and that's why he feels so broken and worried that he can never love again.

[@rogueninja4719]

Didnt (during the update) OP say that she met with the EX and it turns out she never cheated but broke it off after being isolated from her friends and family?

[@undeadladybug7723]

Hearing stories like this make me feel better about being chronically single. Too many people are just bananas and not getting the help they need

[@nataliazakula3400]

You are going hard OP because you’re rightfully self-confident and have self worth. Controlling people are weak and they come in every gender/preference flavor. You are so so young, so go forth holding your head high and you’ll find someone awesome and strong.

[@Mia-dt3gl]

Story 2’s OP made me facepalm so hard. I cannot fathom how someone could be as naive as him. Knowing Reddit, OP was probably getting MULTIPLE comments and PMs warning him against making the decisions he ended up making. I have absolutely no sympathy for him.

[@gngrblls2thwall]

“I did not think it would ever get to this point” - I find this impossible to believe.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 2 would be a hard no for me. Monogamy is mandatory for me. If you wanna do someone else, you can do that, but you'll do that as a single person. Sometimes I'm just like get a f**king hobby. You're bored or lonely? Get a hobby!! ETA It's never your choice. They say the choice is up to you, but then they grow resentful and treat you like garbage. That's coercive and manipulative. And I have NEVER needed to be physical with someone to be their friend. Why do they need to be friends? 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@bunnyslippers191]

Take up knitting, crochet, or needlepoint. Go hang gliding, rock climbing, or bird watching. Write a story or a book, something productive. Photography, biking, find a freaking hobby, get a cat or a dog, there are all sorts of ways to fill your time.

[@icantchange.youtubesaysine7338]

Well.... That made a turn. She needs serious therapy. Like, serious serious therapy. Oh! The ex! Oh that made a turn. So, she's just abusive? And the ex has a retraining order... God. I think OP will need one too.

[@yque4733]

Story #2: OP is a special kind of idiot. He's SIMPly fantastic.

[@slackerman9758]

Open the relationship to explore her feelings… and have you as an ATM and doormat.

[@insane13juggalo]

Story 2. That guy deserved it. if you're going to be that much of a doormat then you need that life lesson to stand up for yourself.

[@AryonaSamoto]

Story 1: Scary how much the ex's family and friends enables her. Hopefully OP stays safe from that insane ex and her awful family and friends. Story 2: That's so sad and I hope OP can heal. As for the ex, I hope karma finds her. Preferably after OP is healed and moved on so she can't come rushing back with her lies and manipulations.

[@niyablake]

Because Trya's family and friend circle subscribe to the same brand of crazy

[@ms.annthropic6341]

Your response to the 2nd story is pretty much the only one that actually shows some compassion for him. It was a stupid mistake but obviously he loved this person and assumed he could trust her. It’s a good thing they’re done, when he wrote that thing about “but she wants to be with me in the future” I wanted to spit. She wanted to run off and have fun but come back to him because he’s a decent guy when she’s done having fun, and I’m glad that plan fell through because he doesn’t need to sit around waiting for that - she’s clearly a much crappier person than he realized. Hopefully his situation will improve and he’ll be able to move on in a healthy way and find someone decent.

[@CaulkMongler]

2nd story: the karma is the quality of her future relationships. Until she does some soul searching she’s always gonna come across these “special relationships” that she just *has* to explore. Hint: the point of being human is the idea of choice. *You* pick. And then you accept that there are some things that will be missed, or can no longer be picked. Can’t always have your cake and eat it too.

[@markiusgalfordii9248]

First story. This is how bad relationships start. Pretty soon she's going to have you caller every time you leave. She's going to put tracking devices on your phone. She's going to tell you where you can go. How you can dress and who you can hang out with. If you're game for that go for it otherwise it's a waste of time.

[@ianesgrecia8568]

Story 2: I'll always say this: Open relationship = break up/divorce. If they aren't cheating they are going to cheat. Whatever the situation, the monogamous relationship is over "I hurt her so bad" to not bang another guy? BREAK UP WITH HER

[@Bucketus.Lord.of.Buckets]

Story 1: She's not crazy. she's abusive. I dont think it's wise to conflate the two. She tried isolating her ex, and whrn ex escaped, smeared her reputation, and made herself the victim. That's not crazy - it's calculated.

[@juliemcgugan1244]

“Partners don’t give ultimatums to each other…” Um, what did she give OP? This girl is a mess. If she isn’t prepared to help herself, there is no way OP can, either. And OP doesn’t deserve to pay the price for somebody else’s betrayal. Glad that OP sa this as soon as ex (hopefully!) sat her down and gave her ultimatum.

[@DrownedInExile]

S1: BRAVO OP! I want to give her a high-five for her hard "NO" to Tyra's outrageous demands. And telling off her enablers. Now that she's resorted to slandering OP, I have to wonder if Tyra was the cheater, not her ex? Even if not, she's more toxic than a sewer. Update: I called it! Tyra sounds like a straight-up malignant narcissist. OP dodged a tactical-nuke.

[@fufufuaru]

“Partners don’t give ultimatums”… but the SO did it first, tf are they talking about??

[@crowdemon_archives]

In this case, two can play the game.

[@Sakuraqueen]

Story 2 was just driving me crazy!! I kept screaming at him to grow a damn spine!! What an idiot OP is!! Moron!

[@LayfonDragnia]

“Proof they’re gay/trans”? If a friend asked me to prove I’m gay, they’re not a friend anymore. Either that or a sarcastic comment about leaving my gay card in my other wallet.

[@joaolima7131]

And how do you even prove that?

[@grinningweirdo4888]

Orrr go one step further, make a card same size as a license with name, DOB and sexuality and then ask your ‘friend’ to see theirs

[@lindah3803]

​@@joaolima7131A video of sexy time taken in that persons home.

[@Write662]

Story 2: The girlfriend was done with the relationship when she moved to a new city for her job. She only held on to him just in case she couldn’t find someone better. Leaving him was always the goal in my opinion.

[@fletcher0411]

Story 2.... I got exactly what you allowed. You allowed yourself to be disrespected.

[@kp2223]

Story 2: op chose not to see all the signs

[@linkinlady06]

Story 2 broke my heart he should've broke things off the moment she asked for an open relationship with the person in question, she totally strung him along for months he deserved better :(

[@NothingnessforZ]

He was a naive idiot.

[@shirokusanagi3901]

Story 2: is this what relationships have come to? Bro should've listened to the comments.

[@AmukaAkuma]

Story 2: She was Monkey-branching, with a lethal dose of gaslighting for OP. This is how Red & Black pilled men are born.

[@SirFailsalot91]

It's how you turn a nice loving lad into an incel if he's not careful, that's for sure.

[@user-blob]

Women don’t ‘turn’ men into incels, boys do that to themselves and each other.

[@ajzephyros7454]

Black pilled? Never heard that term before

[@cryofist]

​@@SirFailsalot91incel just means involuntarily celibate. People keep misusing that word

[@jamesmahon6788]

Story 2 im sorry but i wanted to absolutely smack the shit out of the OP. For not only not kicking her out of his life at the mention of an open relationship, but permitting her to do it and being surprised that things changed. I do feel pity for him and hope he does better in the future but still

[@kmbaldwin5325]

“Partners don’t give ultimatums to each other”, yet that is exactly what Tyra did. She gave OP several ultimatums for the relationship to continue. Tyra needs therapy.

[@Saarman82]

Stroy 2 - How the hell did OP not see this coming. He goes on about how this will effect him in future relationships. I got a suggestion, grow a pair. Granted, it can suck for a long while, but don't dwell on her FFS. If she's not even in the same city, go out, make friends, get hobbies. LDRs seldom work, The majority of posts about LDRs usually end up with one SO being unfaithful. This one was her telling OP she wanted someone else and he Okayed it. Did he try seeing someone else while it was open? No, because she had him wrapped around her finger. You have to expect this if you don't demand respect from your SO.

[@Cookie25559]

Story 2 is so frustrating. Honestly he played himself and he let himself get bitched by a manipulator. He had all the advice he needed and he didn’t take it, now he’s experiencing the exact things the commenters warned him about. On one hand I feel bad that he’s experiencing that and on the other I’m just like come on man you let it get THAT far.. why not break up with her when she was looking like she was doing too much with the guy. Even after going back on what the commenters said he still had a chance to turn it around and he just let her fuck him over and it’s really hard to feel bad for him when he never did anything to help himself.

[@eriibooo]

I want to feel bad for that last OP, and I do feel bad he's hurting, but like dude? She was waving every red flag in the book, that she was cheating, was going to continue to cheat, and that she didn't want to be with you. LIKE HELLO?! She was having "sleepovers" with this guy before the relationship opened and you didn't think what a minute hold up "sleepovers"? The only way she could've made it any more obvious is if she straight up told you she was cheating...The last part where he said how am I supposed to trust people in the future, the problem isn't that you trusted her, but that you didn't trust yourself. You knew from the start this was bad idea, that you didn't want to do it, people told you exactly what would happen, but you didn't trust yourself, or have the self-confidences to just end the relationship and that's IMO the true issue.

[@AleksandarBradaric]

3:51..Partners don't give ultimatums to each other....You mean just like SHE DID....XD

[@mercurialmelody]

I felt this way about the blind food toucher and I'll say this now: You can't weaponize your past trauma against your current partner. What Tyra is trying to do is textbook control/manipulation and screams abuse down the line. No one is responsible for another's emotions, recovery or overall happiness. She has a lot of work to do before she'll be ready for another relationship...good luck to her as surrounded by enablers as she is. Edit: Never mind, turns out she was always an abuser and probably always will be. I really should finish listening before I comment lol. Also, I feel so bad for the guy that was the victim of monkey-branching. I'm sure we all saw that coming a mile away. Feel bad that he didn't.

[@knrdvmmlbkkn]

"the blind food toucher" Who would that be?

[@jozf8163]

Story 2 - This goes for EVEYONE - The moment you hear "open relationship" break it off. IMMEDIATTELY!

[@greenbeacon394]

Story 2: you should’ve just ended the relationship

[@evaniaendellion6173]

The final story broke my heart for OP. Sending good vibes and love towards them ❤️

[@Buldogg345]

Story 2: I can already see the gf crawling back to OP. What a selfish woman. I bet if OP had other partners as well she would've freaked out or something. Hope karma hits her hard. Stay strong OP

[@brandyb2931]

Tyra isn't ready for a relationship. Someone should tell her the tighter you hold onto something, the bigger the chance she has of killing it.

[@vanzy01]

👏👏🏻👏🏼👏🏽👏🏾👏🏿 I got to give it to OP girlfriend in story 2, she got him good she's strung that little doggie along just fine. This is what happens when you evolve your whole life around one person you start doing s*** you normally wouldn't do. You don't even take care of yourself he should have left months ago.

[@addicted2mako]

Wow, judging by the rampage Tyra went on afterwards, OP didn't dodge a bullet: she dodged a carpet-bombing run

[@janda1258]

I can’t help but feel like the second OP couldn’t see a monkey dancing even if it was right in front of him. That man was so blind it infuriates me to no end. Everything that came his way he caused himself

[@Somedudenamedtray]

Story 2 is exactly why I’m ending the relationship if an open relationship is ever proposed

[@AndyyWithAY]

I knew I'd have a short day today so I decided earlier in the week I'd go to the gym then visit Mum and Granny. I was texting her yesterday and she asked if soon I was coming for a visit so we could watch Bluey together. Thankfully I was able to say I was. She's very excited for this visit. If you haven't watched Bluey, you gotta watch it. It's allegedly a children's show, but as a 30 something adult without children, it's resonated with me. I hope everyone is well. Much love 🥰🥰

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

💜💜🤗🤗have fun

[@coreymartin6486]

Story 2 "maybe we are the anomaly" Good grief. It's like this dude was in a fire fight in a war and he put his weapon down, walked into the opening, held his arms out....and thought "maybe I'm the anomaly"....and is talking about how much it hurts after he got shot.

[@catsithx]

Story 2 she was going to cheat and she was looking fo4 a way outt instead of trying to be the bad guy. She is a POS. I hope she gets cheated on and it ends up bad. I hope the best for op.

[@billmcdermott9647]

The friends are hypocrites because Tyra allowed to give an ultimatum

[@user-fg4tn8ot6b]

*bUt 1t'$ dIfF3r€Nt!!* 😭😭😭 Seriously, they had double standards between OP and their friend Tyra. And the update just confirms my suspicions of Tyra being an abuser (her bisexual ex didn't even cheat). 😬😬😬

[@megnotmegan1966]

I don’t care what fancy words you use, cheating is cheating, not “releasing the tension and exploring “. Good lord

[@yosoyroman875]

If any guy told his girlfriend to stop talking to men who are friends/family. Those friends would loose their minds.

[@jleftwing9771]

Last Story: I don’t feel sorry for OP at ALL. Got the answers to the test and still wanted to F around and find out. This is why when a partner asks for an open relationship you leave because they have someone in mind or they’ve already cheated.

[@PuppyKatt]

Story 1: Holy schmoley, she is a nutcase. OP, she wants complete control of you, with her enabling family. RUN as fast as you can. RUN as far as you can go.

[@Russman67]

Story 2: How do you even start this conversation? Open the relationship for her to explore a friendship with a specific guy. And Wow! The parameters of the open relationship changed! I'm shocked! *Sarcasm* And how did she Jedi mind trick him into allowing her the final say on all of this? Dude!

[@greenbeacon394]

Never punish your partner for things your ex did

[@MydieLy]

Woohooo hope everyone has a great weekend!

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

You too m8💜💜🤗🤗

[@happyzahn8031]

story 2: interesting role reversal from the norm. OP was plan B all along. She got the bull (cow and milk) and the whole farm too! OP needs to get moving away or she'll just milk him until he becomes fertilizer.

[@Kzinix]

Story 2: I feel sorry for OP, but he let it continue for way too long - which made the story so frustrating to listen to. Grow a backbone already! Partners who suggest that you might not be enough for them DO NOT deserve your patience.

[@MapelleCakes]

shout out to Mark for being the only thing I watched for 19 1/2 hours while I drew my biggest piece yet, never watched someone so damn entertaining.

[@jennilynne1977]

Hey Mark and Waffle Gang! I hope everyone is having a great day/afternoon/night! Peace ☮️, hugs 🤗 and love 😘!

[@iononcantomascrivo]

Story number two: OP is not the butthole and did nothing to deserve having such a shrew for a girlfriend. She just wants a free pass to be a tramp. He's better off without her.

[@erikahammer4337]

When it comes to ENM, I generally see people often try doing it with next to no communication and a sense of urgency. Those two things are relationship killers. Rushed decisions, in any aspect of life, are generally used to sell you a bill of goods, and then leave you to hold the bag. That's what OPs girlfriend did, and I feel absolutely terrible for him. She monkey branched, and that's disgusting.

[@Daimah]

First story: Tyra needs a therapist not a relationship. Good for OP for getting out before the situation got even more toxic.

[@InuMokuba]

I'm curious about what makes an acceptable v an unacceptable ultimatum. I'm totally on OPs side on this, but with it being a popular things to be anti-ultimatum, when is it acceptable? I feel sometimes they are, but I agree that never make an ultimatum you aren't prepared to follow through with or for every little grievance you have.

[@GLoLChibs]

Personally I think it comes down to if the ultimatum is toxic or not, and after a lot of communication with no change. The ultimatum where therapy is a condition are more often than not are acceptable. The ones where it's just 'do things my way for whatever reason or I'm gone' usually aren't acceptable.

[@DrawciaGleam02]

I've wondered about this too!

[@vizoredchris]

OP has no one but himself to blame. That uneasiness you felt when she brought up the coworker & the open relationship was your warning signal not to go through with it & you allowed her to treat you like an "Also-ran" that she can just pick up from the shelf & dust off when she's done playing with all her other toys she's grown bored with.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Ding ding ding. I knew that the ex never cheated. I just knew. OP broke up with with Tyra due to Tyra's own behavior. No one else's. Definitely get cameras and something to protect yourself. She's clearly unhinged

[@Tokuijin]

Story 1) NTA. She's allowed to feel her hurt but her hurt is hers and not a weapon. She's not ready for a relationship, yet, unfortunately.

[@UbermanPrime]

Story 2: I have a really hard time feeling sorry for OP here. Stop being delusional and grow a spine.

[@pdbg6184]

Story 2: OP you're just in a reserve area. Find your spine.

[@xegin1572]

If they want to open the relationship they just want to cheat without guilt 99% pf the time, especially if they already have someone in mind. Easy way to test it is to explicitely state that the relationship will be open for you too and that you'll start looking around for someone else, or pretend you already have someone in mind. If they get offended or defensive that's all the proof you need.

[@One.DeSanctis.]

There-ape-pea! Now OP #1 is never going to "make" her GF feel secure. The GF is demanding that OP become codependent with her? Making your SO responsible for your feelings is codependent AF.

[@CharlesGriswold]

Story 1: Nothing will make an abuser go off the deep end like a would-be victim having a spine and refusing to be victimized. Sadly, a lot of people aren't as strong and confident as OP.

[@sergioromanomunoz8155]

Story 2: Things went down exactly how I predicted. That kind of gals are so predictable, they always follow the same script: found a replacement, he gave her uncertainty which picked her, she wanted permission to cheat but having OP as back-up plan in case things didn't work with Chad, Chad ultimately is going to give her what she wants so she can dump OP out. I can even predict with accuracy what will happen: in a few years Chad will be bored (or she will cheat on him), relationship over and will come back to OP's life. Again, these kind of girls always behave the same. I'm not saying every girl is like that, but that there is a specific type of gal that behaves like this. I'm not one of those RP a-holes but you need to admit the truth. Just like this kind of girls exists, there's a lot of Chads playing with women.

[@amytamas9191]

Mark, there is something about your voice that I find so soothing. I find myself playing games or doing other stuff and listening to your videos. Have you considered audio books? I would buy them!!!

[@McDinkledorfM.D]

Story 2 is instant dismissal. You want an open relationship? Its over as soon as those words escape your lips