I Got Kicked Out of Church | Bill Engvall

[@dirkgibbens377]

Saw Bill at The Funny Bone comedy club in Cincinnati in the 80’s when he was just starting out. Had everyone in the place holding their stomachs in pain from laughing so hard. Still hilarious. Great delivery. Doesnt have to drop f-bombs like so many, past and present. Probably my favorite comedian ever.

[@markusschaffer9712]

The older I get, the more Bill makes sense....lolthis stuff is not only true, but hilarious!

[@amycrawley2186]

I just laugh so hard when I watch him. Love his comedy

[@brettslovacek5869]

Years ago, I heard Bill Engvall tell this joke when he played at the Genesee Theatre in Waukegan, IL. After he said that the correct answer is Fiji, he started doubling over laughing, saying we should have seen the looks on our faces, we must have been that shocked. Fun times. Fun times. Thanks for the years of laughter, Bill. Here's hoping for a lot more.

[@renekackline2377]

He is so funny! Clean comedy. He is adorable!

[@andrewhodgkins2292]

Englishman here. From the UK. I absolutely love this guy.

[@Mozart1220]

Even in her hardest moments, all I have ever had to do to make my daughter pee her pants laughing is either show a video or act out your "dorkfish" bit. She's in her 40's now and it still works. Thank you Bill.

[@mischelleseigle812]

I'm sitting here saying to the phone, Bill u didn't, u just didn't. He did. Love u Bill for all the great years, u still make me laugh. God bless u.

[@georgemitchell9696]

Proof that obscene language, isn’t necessary for comedy. Thank you Mr. Bill…lol

[@NotHappening-b8t]

yep, bill, the redneck guy..... taught me young age. you dont have to be mean, nasty to be funny. you can be funny so everyone can laugh. its an art, few can master it. in my opinion the ones who get nasty are the ones who are just lazy.

[@TheSirRip]

LMAO, 'spot on' indeed!... Fiji would not have been MY first thought either...

[@eledhwenmare2403]

This man is a national treasure. Now I have to watch the whole thing.

[@leviclark3822]

I can listen to Bill Engvall tell the same jokes for days and still die laughing!!!!

[@Everydaymesses08]

Same!

[@leviclark3822]

@@Everydaymesses08 he and the rest of the boys KILL IT EVERY TIME!!!

[@jess5708]

Same 🤣🤣

[@mr.wizard2974]

Me too. lol

[@AlienGuy16]

I think that's what they call a "dry" sense of humor

[@mandysimmons2769]

Oh now I can refer to lady parts now as "Fiji!" LOL. No wonder Marlon Brando loved it so much. LOL

[@jezeski2011]

LMAO! Thank you for this

[@zyberasoka91]

I was raised in Fiji. Those Fiji fro women are curly. Curlier than Africans women.

[@JohnPennock-d3y]

Best comedy man EVER! JohnP

[@keithdean9149]

In all fairness, the Preacher did not specify if he was speaking geographically or anatomically.

[@AkardROTC]

Hey I gotta is a time for

[@JDMatthias]

This comment is brilliant

[@comettamer]

Exactly. It's the definition of a vague and poorly phrased question.

[@marckempe2143]

“What country are the women’s hair the most naturally curled?” There is the question that can’t be misinterpreted.

[@Jeng4280]

I love his stories.😂😂🤣🤣 The Renaissance Fair is hilarious.

[@leviclark3822]

And true!!! Lol

[@jeffreyhazel5157]

The best way to start a joke, "then she brought me to a renaissance fair." 😂

[@austinhunter8428]

That was his hope as a married man to get laid

[@amyntut]

Sounds like someone slipped different trivia questions with the churches. 😂💀👀

[@IDAHOmag]

Your answer is always spot on Bill. I would Pitchin an extra 100 bucks to the church donation basket 😆.

[@steveclark4291]

I would have thought the same thing ! Next they better specify what they want ! Lol !

[@maximumeffort5877]

They need to say “in what country do women...”

[@GalaxyStar85]

@@maximumeffort5877 I was thinking the same thing lol, otherwise I would have answered the same way.

[@aec9174]

To be fair to Bill, I would have answered the same way, and I'm a woman!!

[@davidhall8874]

Well I don't because you edited it out!

[@rebajoe]

@@maximumeffort5877 one of those trivia games where they don't tell you the category first.

[@vlogsnstufflikethat]

God Bless you Bill

[@barbaraburrill1298]

I love Bill, he is my favorite

[@pancudowny]

In high school, I got tasked with arranging a re-enactment for American History class... so I choose the occupation of Lebanon! It was the mid-80's, so most kids in our class already had some form of military fatigues in their wardrobe... so everybody quick threw them on, marched into the scene, and just sat-around doing nothing for a few minutes, then got-up & left when order to withdraw was given.

[@teripacheco4086]

Hahaha love Bill! Thankyou for sharing the best medicine!! Laughter!!! :-))

[@rustybrown1835]

To the answer that got him thrown out of church ,I was thinking the same as Bill.

[@riceburnerbiker1483]

It’s nice to hear funny without a lot of cussing..!

[@jaredbrewer3222]

It is nice I don’t blame ya but telling jokes with cuss words can be funnier but without cussing it’s still can be funny.

[@nobodyspecial6513]

@@jaredbrewer3222 I'm no prude. I love a good dirty joke, but my grandkids love playing with papa's phone so I gotta be careful lol

[@samanthajones5510]

Try Dry Bar Comedy.

[@nobodyspecial6513]

@@samanthajones5510 I love that channel !

[@judejames8214]

Agree 💯.

[@jillanderson2596]

LOL my hubby won't even go with me for the beer!!!! 😄

[@19hobbes]

Tell him how my wife got me to go. There are acres of boobs on display. I went to the next fair in the area.

[@flakeyjake4177]

Love ya Bill!!!!!!!

[@michaelvandyke]

We will see him on stage next week/ can't wait!

[@chesterthompson6835]

I'm glad he answered the question otherwise i would hand been wondering...

[@jeannadriver9552]

Just love this man!

[@joannp5806]

I know why Romeo and Juliet killed themselves,lmao🤣🤣

[@badlandskid]

Joann P at least they had a turkey leg

[@joannp5806]

badlandskid Lol.

[@brianm6117]

Seriously. My aunt was trying to convince me to go to a Renaissance fair today and I politely declined. I spent the day sweating and working on my project car and know I had a better time doing that than I would have at the fair. Just the thought of going to one gives me a headache.

[@OfficialNolanLaValley]

Joann P that’s right, in deed we do. It turns out our english teachers have lied to use for decades hahahaha.

[@joannp5806]

Nolan LaValley Totally,lol

[@OfficialNolanLaValley]

“I didn’t know! I thought my answer was spot-on!” That’s what everybody says lol.

[@user-cs3zs6jn1d]

Good answer! Good answer!..... oh,wait. This ain't family feud

[@trhenryvlogs9638]

Just what I needed tonight Bill, love these new uploads man! Hope one day you’ll do one more North American tour. Have a blessed night.

[@malataur]

I think they would answer the same way in Fiji.

[@ElaineWood-f2t]

😂😂😂

[@redscrochetedstuff3266]

When I was around 7 or 8, I was kicked out of Sunday school. We were being told how jesus rose from the dead. I then asked "so, jesus was a zombie?" The teacher looked at me like I was nuts. Then tried to tell me that he wasn't. I of course said that he was a zombie. We argued for a while. He then kicked me out of his class forever.

[@onemercilessming1342]

My parents were called to advise them that they needed to take me in hand. See, Adam and Eve got kicked out of the Garden of Eden and their sons married girls from the community. I wanted to know where those girls came from if Adam and Eve were the only two created people on earth before they had sons.

[@Dave-ei7kk]

My mother was told that I shouldn’t return to the summer bible school class because I, “…asked too many questions and was upsetting the other children”. In reality it was the bible school teacher that was upset because she couldn’t answer my very reasonable questions about how all the supernatural stuff worked. Getting kicked out of bible school turned out to be the best day of my childhood!

[@SgtRock57]

@@onemercilessming1342pretty simple, those girls were their sisters, but at that time, the diseases and mutations that come from this sort of union were not prevalent. God told people to be fruitful and multiply, so to fulfill this mandate they had to marry their sisters, but much later on this practice was forbidden . So there were no other humans for the sons to marry.

[@onemercilessming1342]

@@SgtRock57 That's Jehovahs Witnesses point of view.

[@_sol.invictus__]

Disgusting ​@@SgtRock57

[@sheilaburns8977]

I always liked Bill Engvall. Katniss' father … LOL!!

[@NewGuy2534]

Fiji is still south of the Equator.

[@robertsteich7362]

Me...”Vajayjay.” Pastor wide eyed “No, it’s Fiji.” Me... with a confused look “That’s what I said, Fiji. I don’t understand why you said no?”

[@heidimarchant5438]

I would've agreed with you Bill, my mind wasn't thinking geographical, that was such a trick question!😂

[@georganna.2371]

You never disappoint!

[@mr.wizard2974]

He's got to be in the top 5

[@Dnightshade100]

A priest asking a question like that to a comedian, he walked right into that one.

[@jamesyoder8413]

I absolutely love the RenFaire!! Season Pass Holder!

[@bobwinters6459]

He is so freaking funny!

[@ominousmaximus]

I want a pillow case with Hank Williams Jr. Lmbo

[@greeniehead]

at 0:48 that dude in the audience's nose! Rivals Gavin Free

[@timbarnett3898]

I got kicked out of Church too, when I told minister I thought God was a Baseball fan rather than basketball, after minister spent $ millions on basketball court!

[@AlienGuy16]

Is it bad that I can't tell if this was shot in 1999 or 2019?

[@eileenmcdonald3162]

Nope it's ok

[@jigglypuff2cute]

Does it have anything to do with bills age? 😂

[@tapellis3328]

This was back in 2012

[@patricemarie2960]

...... Spot on! .... lol! ...

[@spittingfire420]

That why I tell them to shave it bald 😂🤣

[@landaroon7793]

Reply to Brad not Landa I had a neighbor in West Virginia whose father WAAAAAAY back in the woods had to be dragged to a Holy Roller church. He list off his wife by saying the people were all faking it. One Sunday they were speaking in tongues and rolling on the floor and he gently rolled a pillowcase with a skunk into the church, and apparently that transcended all the "mystical" tongues an transported the most ecstatic floor rolling acrobat outside as fast as possible.

[@danielpittman2553]

¥€$

[@gland1830]

Been there, loved it, but..yea.

[@WalkaCrookedLine]

The woman at 2:38 looks so worried -- like her darkest secret is about to be revealed

[@marthafisher8975]

Omg when he got the the flags, its true!

[@lilmonstersmiler]

I immediately thought the same thing. The happy place ;) Giggity

[@marym.tucker3824]

You are awesome😂😂😂😂

[@scp-0016]

One minute am I related to bill engvall? Seriously ask ANY of the guys in my family the same question and we’ll give the EXACT SAME ANSWER!!!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@lawrencegenereux8567]

I must be related to BOTH of you! I would have said Africa too.

[@JustMe-xt7gz]

I believe your trivia answer was the same one that popped into my mind. Who would think of an actual country? 😂

[@grumpyjohntxredneckrc6346]

Ohh-Yeahhh, Down Under!!! Here's Your Sign... LMAO

[@claytonhess5512]

An innocent mind would have thought that meant Australia. 🤣🤣

[@heraldberg9469]

This is a funny man!

[@thomasblackwell9507]

I believe General Patton’s grandfather was in the Civil War. He fought for the Confederacy. He was a graduate of VMI, Virginia Military Institute.

[@clydebalcom8252]

I am one of those goobers. I like Renaissance festivals.

[@tardisrider25]

Thanks for self identifying. Your sign will be in the mail. 😉

[@joannaedwards6325]

Hey Clyde Balcom I went to only ONE Renaissance Fair back when I was a hippie. It was absolutely frightening as I was on acid. The costumes all looked like Halloween on steroids, the sprites hanging in the trees seemed evil and I can't describe how horrible those whole roasted turkey legs looked as so many folks were strolling about with them in their paws. NEVER WENT AGAIN!!! ✌ 💜 🙋

[@beverlyanne5699]

I am expexting it on a hat or T-shirt now...."I am a renaissance Goober" Heeere's my sign! 🤣

[@truepeacenik]

Joanna Edwards It might have helped to know the working Rennies were also likely tripping.

[@malcolmclark2887]

Beauty ! - this guy would be an excellent teacher on the Human Chronometer of Vertical and Horizontal Stressors, speaking effectively to stereotypes on the parodies of lifes discource, of paradigmatical parodox...Unfortunately, our academic Mental Health seems to have kept that chronometer out of class, and sold it to the vocation of stand up comedy...these people are our teachers ! excellent conduct.

[@samanthareal3555]

Yall should make a longer video love u Bill

[@JaneCurtis-vk7fq]

I liked your answer better! ❤❤❤

[@cgilleybsw]

Bill Engvall, God's gift to us as a reminder we're all idiots. Not Bill, all of us :)

[@NGMonocrom]

Should've just said "Brazil." Nice, safe, sounds good, answer.

[@lestermusterman3072]

Pretty darn good

[@jillhuddle7379]

OMG !!! Lmao.... I wish you would come down south to Georgia area , pick up Jeff too if you want....lol I would love to hear you one night

[@tonibauer2949]

Hi, Jill, from Seattle. I grew up in South Georgia and lived there for a while as an adult. Dougherty and Lee counties.

[@tonibauer2949]

KID ROCK you nailed it. Lived some teen years in Albany, moved away for quite a few years, moved back for a couple then found a great job on a Lee County plantation as a house manager, and lived out there, too. Loved my job, enjoyed living there, but missed the west coast and my family who had moved out here. Been around Seattle for quite a while but had fun with my best friend who hadn’t been in the south on a trip to Georgia a few years back.

[@kevinr3793]

Thank God for Bill Engaval, now I remember why I detest churchy people they can be so unchristian how they treat others

[@Hetfield47]

I got kicked out of a church once....told them i was catholic....they told me never to come back im not welcome. I said well damnit steve we will talk about this at the pub after church....yeah...they didnt like that one neither lol

[@scottbrown6505]

I'm banned from Catholicism.. Best thing that ever happened to me lol

[@paulk5311]

either

[@scottbrown6505]

@Bas Wenmakers Be yourself man.. If they dont like your questions and opinions then theyre not your real friends. Real friends listen and dont try to persuade. Thats just my 0.02

[@scottbrown6505]

@Bas Wenmakers Hey man.. If youre happy with the results and you have a connection with these people that makes life better.. Then im genuinely happy for you!!

[@xaenon]

@@scottbrown6505 What, were you were excommunicated? I didn't think they did that anymore. Details, please!

[@veteranpatriot4474]

I'd be thrown right out with you, I Swear that would have been my answer, As soon as you said Fiji I was Like , Ooooooooooooooo.

[@AnastasiaRomanov-w9x]

I so agree about the renaissance fairs. I avoid them like the plague.

[@jonmcgee6987]

I had a group of friends i would go to ren fest's when i was still living in Texas. My main reason for going was sword shopping. Last one i went to was the Texas ren fest in 2007 near Houston. We saw a big sign not too far from the fest on the way there that said " Sword Sale". We immediately pulled to where it was. My friend bought a good sized dagger and i bought a miniature Katanna set with 3 swords and stand for under 15 bucks. I keep as a display piece in my living room window. We did get to the fest. did the usual tour of the vendors. Watched the jousting and grand mellee battle. Had what they called a dragon sandwich there. BBQ beef with onions and a good spicy sauce, best sandwich ever. Bought another sword and t-shirt. Spent 20 bucks on each, sword was a double edge short sword with a leather sheath and strap. I've worn it on Halloween a few times since. Hadn't been to one since i moved to Kansas. Nothing happens around here other than the occasional tornado that will destroy part of town.

[@rebeccabamford5505]

So underrated. Always thought he was a good looking guy. 😉

[@joannaedwards6325]

Still really cute❤❤

[@diamondtron01]

The south shall rise again! Not this year, Jerry. Damn

[@arailway8809]

My wife did get kicked out of church. She came back from a girl's vacation with her girlfriends and reported it. I assumed that they had gone to confessional and really told the truth, but no! They were there in New Orleans in hot weather and went to church. When they bought big bottles of water and went to church, the church kicked them out. I told her, next time, just be happy carrying around sin and damnation.

[@cricketwade6888]

Master at the art of being funny.

[@lindadennis7435]

I busted a gut 😂

[@snap-off5383]

Getting kicked out of church is being sentenced to freedom.

[@snap-off5383]

@SeriousName I guess you don't know enough about Christianity to understand that a lot of people are there against their will to keep the peace with the other person who wants them to be there. You haven't seen a new boyfriend suddenly popping up at church when they have a church-going girlfriend and then suddenly never at church anymore once they break up? I was forced to go for my first 18 years of life.

[@snap-off5383]

@SeriousName I don't sin at all on Sunday when I stay home, I even have home worship. I just don't need to hear the same people say the exact same words every 7 days. Stand-up sit-down rah-rah. There's tons of kids forced to go to church every Sunday and they aren't ever going again as soon as they're out from under their parents thumb

[@snap-off5383]

@SeriousName where was this bashing? If I was ever arguing with Catholics it was most certainly biblical, me pointing out their lack of reading and comprehension skills.

[@alif8884]

Isn’t that the truth

[@snap-off5383]

@SeriousName yes you used the perfect word: the singing is indeed horrific. I was raised mormon so catholic but Unitarian plus 3 extra books.

[@heddystgeorge3756]

I've been to a civil war battle reenactment and they use horses

[@austinpatrick2682]

Fiji, Fifi. Same thing 😂

[@WarriorMigs24]

Great video

[@alvinwine5665]

Hahahaha you so funny keep at it .

[@comettamer]

I mean, the preacher didn't exactly specify. It is the definition of a vague and poorly phrased question.

[@alexmomeyer9]

This is hilarious 🤣 !!!

[@Jennifer-mz6ub]

Love it!

[@coinhorder9243]

LMBO the hair joke was good. I was thinking why would a church say something like that but I should have known it was a Country.

[@Tusksplitter7372]

your story about 1st medical maijuanna exp had litterally holdin my side,,great tale,lol

[@bettycogswell9851]

I loved that one too....Part 1 and 2.....omg.....hilarious..

[@danielpittman2553]

,¥

[@mikemindykowski1604]

I got kicked out of Sunday school for asking why we have fossils of dinosaurs, but not in the Bible ??!! Lol😊

[@phildevore4543]

My friend got kicked out of his church for not titheing enough!! And his family was on welfare!! Now isn’t that spiritual? 😵

[@dracula2749]

Yeah man that's religion for ya

[@megusta9045]

phil devore good thing then he won’t waste his and his family time there. Tithing was a once a year celebration originally and not what they promote today. Corrupt churches nowadays...

[@steveavant9727]

Candy H AND, many churches have online tithing. Isn’t that convenient?

[@triplefoutdoors6331]

Yeah your friend needs to pick another church. I’ve heard of this happening before, it really gives churches a bad rep.

[@joanbowden7634]

I can do u one even better! When my sons grandpa died one of the 427 preachers (😆) that spoke @ his funeral had the nerve to bring up what a "good tithe paying Christian" Brother George was! How fucking tacky do u get?!

[@randalbuhler9042]

Beer makes everything Better 🤯⁉️🤣‼️

[@joannaedwards6325]

I thought it was butter that makes everything better...... but I'm with you. I beer in my hand for breakfast and the day starts well 😄🍺🍺.

[@captainjohn7833]

Knew it was coming! LOL!! 😾😹... 🚬👓...

[@albakreuk5830]

I'd like to know why I keep getting clips, instead of the full length film...rather watch a full length film, which would be a lot more entertaining, then having to wade through a bunch more clips that end way too early, & keeps putting me in the mood that, 'its over already?'

[@nicolegilstrap100]

This man is hilarious!!! 😂😂😂

[@Sunsetter678]

About 3 years ago now, I, my husband his mom and his sister went to our local Renaissance fair. We haven't been in like a decade. We had a relatively good time, and we even got a few souvenirs. BUT on the way there, my mother in law had car trouble, and we were forced to leave it at a random backwoods bar until that evening. Being politely raised, and respectful, I did not assume we could do that because it is a place of business, so I went in to talk w/the owner or manager. As soon as I stepped in, ( I was looking GOOD that day yall! LOL) ALL eyes were on me! So I walked to the bar, spoke to the manager and explained the situation and he gave me permission to leave it there. I even offered some money for the trouble which he kindly turned down. B4 we ended up leaving it there, they were right behind us in never-ending traffic getting there, and when I looked in my rearview I saw that their car was smoking from the engine! My mother in law is sweet as pie, but not too good w/cars. She wanted to turn around and just drive it back home (an hour and a half drive btw) as if there were no problems at all! I told her, NO, to pull over and apparently it was leaking oil bad enough to make it smoke w/in moments of being driven, thus not a safe car to be in! So we pulled off to the side, and my husband and I checked it out, that's when Isuggested leaving it, and we could continue to the place in our car since we havent been in forever, let alone all of us. She agreed. When we left, we had to walk back to lot #32 to get to our ride, and god knows I was happy as hell to get out of that madhouse! LOL... Btw, if you live in Houston, Tx, and surrounding areas and you want to go, and you DON'T have children or don't like being around an ungodly amount of people like sardines, DON'T GO on a Sunday! That's the day for free tickets and a LOT of people will be there!!! We finally got back to the main road and got back to their car and she started right up. then maybe a couple of miles down the road, it started up again! So we pulled off at a McDonalds, and had NO choice but to leave it there overnight until my father in law could go work on it the next day and bring it back home! We got extra lucky that night because there was a homeless man and his teen son inside, and it was COLD that night, but he heard us talking and kindly offered to watch over it till the next day! I gladly gave him some money and wished I could have done more for them, but that place was being kind to them and allowing them to stay inside and even giving them food! We thanked him greatly and were on our way! And he kept his word because the car was just as we had left it the next day! So TY to that kind man for thinking of others when he himself was in a bad situation. People like ourselves are harder and harder to come by!!! My husband and his best friend for the first time EVER went this past year, and I was blessed w/beautiful jewelry and a bronze rose w/rose oil spray for our 15th anniversary! Great place to go IF you like crowds, lots of noise, some fun scares, awesome people, pricy but delicious food and drinks, and you enjoy reasonably priced trinkets for like $5 bucks. BUT the absolute BEST day to go, hands down bar none..The FINAL opening day!!! Damn near everything is at least 50% off, and you can SCORE some badass things like swords, pricy jewelry, period clothing etc dirt cheap!!! Have fun, take CASH, and plan ahead!!!

[@edspencer7121]

Figi it is! Oh, your such a Figi!!

[@fruitofspirit]

LOL!! Hilarious!!