I Hate This About Myself. Advice?

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[@lifae]

I'm autistic and I have trouble making eye contact. Totally feel the same about it. One trick is to look at someone's nose. They won't really notice.

[@abigaylehamblin5016]

Omg same, or right between there eyes, like the unibrow area

[@danimjoyce]

I use the nose trick! But I usually try the space between the eyebrows or a reflection in their glasses first because I'm always afraid people will notice the nose stare.

[@peytonlafontaine8270]

Eyebrows also work!

[@luv_strawberriez]

Thanks for the advice😊😊

[@kbaylor123]

I have a lot of trouble with eye contact too and just recently learned that!

[@jessicaseverns6578]

ADVICE: You have 2 options. OPTION 1.Start doing exposure therapy in small doses. Basically make eye contact with someone and agree beforehand that you are going to have a meaningless conversation so you aren't missing anything when your ears "turn off". Then make direct eye contact while they talk. As you start feeling uncomfortable "chase" that feeling in your body. Where is it? A pit in your stomach? Tightness in your chest? Find it and follow it. You'll be surprised to find it will move! After following it and focusing on keeping your breathing regular for some time, the anxiety, discomfort and stress will pass. Do this on a frequent bases until you conquer that fear by retraining your anxiety to not fear eye contact. OPTION 2. Accept that about yourself. That is who you are and if the people you love accept that about you, then you need to accept it about yourself. Ask yourself, if Flynn did this, would you hold it against him or just say, that's who he is, and love him for it?

[@insertcreativenamehere7970]

Yes! I tried to explain this but you did a much better job haha.

[@theinstabookworm6428]

Love these. Great advice!

[@JamieKlotz]

I was also going to suggest the first option just babbling while making eye contact I think could help or maybe playing word association games?

[@jessicaseverns6578]

@@insertcreativenamehere7970 thank you, thats very kind :)

[@jessicaseverns6578]

@@JamieKlotz definitely! Word association games will be great once she gets over the initial hump of stress! Great suggestion, thank you :)

[@TheCarolineFile]

I know this doesn’t solve your problem, but I have watched you for like 5 years, the vlogs since you were pregnant, and I even watch your podcast on KZbin. I have never noticed you doing they eye thing ever! So though it doesn’t fix your problem maybe it will lower your concern about people noticing lots because I definitely never have in 5 years! Also we all have little things we don’t like about ourselves and it’s totally great to try and work on them, but just a reminder that you are wonderful, special, fantastic human being and you are really really good at so many things!

[@kenzeebellamy6027]

i agree with this so much i have been watching for a really long time and never noticed

[@MeAndMyWonkyHalo]

Same here, I’ve never noticed

[@kirstenvandenberg4607]

I feel the same

[@TheBlissfullyDandy]

I've actually noticed it in the podcast but I never once thought anything of it! Certainly not that it was weird or bad. But I totally understand how we are more critical of ourselves.

[@jems824]

A friend of mine once said, "Not every thing about you is a thing that needs to be fixed." That helps me be okay with some of my quirks!

[@ashleybourgouin]

From a fan’s perspective, the accessibility of virtual shows is a benefit! I’m sure many people attend that cannot go in person

[@suhaamin7993]

Yeah like I could not afford to travel to America because I literally live on the other side of the world but I can watch these online shows

[@korinapetros7397]

yes!

[@christinazacarias7241]

I had to learn how to look people in the eyes. What I was told when I was a teenager was to start looking at someone's mouth while they are talking to you, then slowly start to work your way up their face till you get to the eyes. Or focus on their nose and most people won't notice the difference because it's still you focusing on them and their face. And eventually you will be able to look at someones eyes and have it be a "normal" thing. It took me about a year maybe a year and a half to be able to fully look someone in the eyes. And now if your a new person it still takes me a little while to look you in your eyes but I can get there. I hope that could maybe help you.

[@chrmdchild]

you are so awesome to share this idea I agree that forcing yourself and working up to it is really the only way to do it.

[@cciarajohnston]

I find I can’t look into someone’s eyes especially people of authority like teachers, then I relise I’m not looking at their eyes and focus the whole time thinking about where I’m looking

[@pearl_cove07]

Sameeeee

[@bioooioiooiooo]

Same

[@thefamoustoilet4632]

I pay attention to peoples eyes so very creepily much, i litterly know every single persons eye color in my class

[@yashila5353]

Same I just feel weird and uncomfortable if I look into someone's eyes for more than a few seconds while talking to them in

[@creative3219]

Same and my eyes always start to water if it happens to me too

[@helen-pk4wv]

Question: correct me if i’m wrong, a couple videos ago you were talking about miranda and you wanted to go on a rant and you started talking about how you block flynn’s face in miranda videos and said you would explain later, but then you forgot (exactly like i would’ve). could you tell us why?

[@kellywright7]

Yes!

[@angelkotilainen]

It's kinda obvious why she blocks Flynn's face in Miranda video's.

[@KissMeCait06]

I have pretty bad social anxiety. If I’m around multiple people or out in public, I CANNOT look at peoples faces. I look at the ground when I walk. I also don’t look at peoples eyes when I’m talking to them, I look at their mouths instead. I wish I had advice for you, but I sympathize!

[@saragrijsen2652]

I have a similar issue, I cannot look someone straight in the eyes because it just feels too intense and intrusive in some way? I usually try to look at someone''s eyebrows instead because it makes it seem as if I am making eye contact.

[@whitykitty2651]

or their nose. and that's a really good tip, I always forget that's an option.

[@ashhussain3780]

OMG SAME #lookateyebrows

[@amandadavidson5819]

I am the exact same way! When I married my husband... I spent the majority of the ceremony thinking about how much I was looking in his eyes lmao. It was nice to look him in the eyes so much because I'm really bad with eye contact but I was also freaking out about it lol 😆

[@anniesmith111]

I do the exact same thing 😂 I can’t look at my teachers I just look at the floor, walls or the roof and sometimes there eyebrows or nose 😂 and they keep saying to me that I have to look at them and make eye contact and I’m like but I can’t 😂😂

[@pearl_cove07]

I try to but I usually look at the persons nose

[@rhonda1631]

Colleen, I'm sure you have heard this before, word's are so powerful. Instead of saying to yourself I CAN"T look into their eyes, start saying to yourself, I'm going to try and look into their eye's. Do it with Eric, start out really slow, like a minute at a time. Then move to your mom or sister. That could be one of your coping mechanisms in paying attention and concentrating to what someone is saying. It is okay if you don't do what other people do but if it is bothering you, then that is when it is okay to try and change. Please, take it slow and tell yourself I can do this. If, in time you are unable to look someone in the eye's, that is okay too! Hope this helped, God Bless

[@iobeygravity]

This is great advice! Well put 👍🏽

[@hayleymarse2853]

@@sbaker3426 I think a lot of it comes from her putting herself out on the internet as well as spending too much time on social media (especially Tik tok)

[@beetles1964]

To add on, if "I'm going to try" doesn't help, "I want to look in their eyes" could help too (instead of I can't, I should, I need to, or I have to).

[@helenahandbasket5073]

If just telling yourself I can worked then people who do this, wouldn’t. Your simplistic “just say you can” is very ableist and you obviously don’t know what it’s like. It’s like telling a drunk: just stop drinking! There’s a process to everything that has to be followed, if there even is one for this.

[@iissebas]

Absolutely loving the energy in this comment, I'm going to apply it, I feel the same way as Colleen about eye contact

[@kamisa7362]

I'm bad at eye contact too. It is very uncomfortable. I always have a habit of looking off to the side or looking up and then looking at the person for a split second only to dart back to the side.

[@cassidy4231]

Adhd also has a lot in common with autism and things of the like, like avoiding eye contact. I have adhd and do this and other things that people with autism do as well (i also think I'm on the spectrum but anyway) its definitely a hard thing to deal with, itll take lots of practice but definitely work with your therapist and practice with them.

[@rachelsimcha00]

i’m autistic and can’t do it. and i’ve been like that all my life as well. don’t force yourself to do it, and tell people like “hey i can’t make eye contact but i’m still listening to you, i just may not look at you because direct eye contact is difficult for me.” if people still can’t accept that that’s their problem. for real though, don’t force yourself. this does come with being neurodivergent. ❤️❤️ i love you 🥰

[@olivias2075]

same... i have aspergers... i wonder if colleen has considered getting tested to see if she is on the spectrum

[@nataliedreha73]

Yes!!!! Great comment xx

[@rachelsimcha00]

@@olivias2075 that’s a good question, i doubt it tbh.

[@marymilamshepherd1052]

I learned this doing speech and debate in middle school: try looking at their forehead/in between their eyes. We had to make eye contact with our judges, but it’s uncomfortable to make eye contact with someone while you’re giving a speech. So our solution was to look at their forehead. The person you’re looking at literally can’t tell the difference.

[@keriezy]

Idk which celebrity said it, but she would do this and it helped avoid people from approaching her because she "made eye contact"

[@bioooioiooiooo]

That’s good

[@lufergomo31]

Or look at the nose 👃🏻

[@jgrace5274]

@@lufergomo31 I know people that have done that with me and I suddenly get self conscious and wonder if I have something on my nose lol 😅

[@KarlaEmmerson]

I didn’t know looking into people’s eyes was a thing until I was 13 and my teacher called it out. Now I won’t break eye contact until you cry 😅

[@sidneywedge2477]

Your really the best mom. As mothers we doubt ourselves. I live in public housing. My kids have been e learning since last March. My son in now a 6th grader.... has been so upset he could play his cornet. My daughter started kindergarten... E LEARNING. It has been a rough ride. You know what keep me going? My 6th grade son got STUDENT OF THE MONTH, out of all the kids that went to school and him being e learning. He works so hard. He DOES I have ADHD and we went through so much with medicine and arguing with teachers with what we as parents think are right. We took him off and he has flourished! My daughter also, it’s been so hard with her first year learning school. SHES READING BOOKS as show and tell for her Friday “thought of the day.” I will say my oldest and youngest had the SAMe kindergarten teacher , and she is absolutely dedicated and amazing. My daughter is reading at first grade. Today I woke up to two awards in my door, both for my son. One was for persistence, never giving up (his band teacher) and one was for high honors.... also his band teacher. Being a parent is so hard. Gosh. It really is. To hold back tears when everything around you is crumbling, when people pass, when life is just extra hard for mom and dad, as parents we have to hold is together and IT IS SOOO HARD! xo your great, Colleen. Erik is great. Korey is great. And suck it up Erik, cat hair is a part of life... it’s LOVE lol

[@rubyhanover6696]

the eye flicking could be a form of anxiety tic, i’ve have and have had a lot eye tics. another thing it could be: sensory issues, they’re extremely common with adhd and anxiety

[@laraabdelsamad]

I have the same issue about the shifty eye thing and you’re right when I try to look someone in the eye, I 100% stop listening (or like paying attention) to anything they’re saying

[@clarajoy26]

i do sometimes. most of the time actually

[@GettinTherouxThis]

Yes same! I describe it as like when you try to hold the same poles of 2 magnets together -they physically repel, you can hold them together if you really try but only briefly and it takes a lot of energy

[@misstressfoxtail05]

I do the same!

[@CrimTT-wg6wu]

same i do the same thing but haven't gotten the chance to get my symptoms diagnosed and any time she talks about it i relate too much 🧍‍♀️

[@wilsonwoman3]

A couple thoughts on the issue with eye contact: I've struggled with this as well and I find it to be a self confidence thing. When I have to look people in the eyes I feel very judged and aware of my appearance. I feel scrutinized and it's really anxiety inducing. It could be you are struggling with how you appear to others and are afraid of being judged.

[@jennamarie333]

I have adhd and anxiety and I have done this my entire life. Much like you, I’ve gotten shit about it from family, friends, employers, etc.. but it’s like I have to force myself to look into peoples eyes and I just think about my discomfort. My eyes go all over when I talk because I’m thinking about getting a full thought from my brain out of my mouth, I’m not thinking about where my eyes are going. Having adhd requires a lot of focused attention so for me, staying focused on properly communicating a full thought is more important than focusing on keeping eye contact. Unless somebody else is talking, then I can look at them, but if I’m talking, forget about it. You’re not alone. There is nothing “wrong” with you. Our brains work differently but there is no “right”, “wrong”, “normal”, etc. love who you are, own who you are! You’re pretty great 🤩

[@reynaglynn2672]

My advice is: almost no one cares or notices that you are doing that. Only idiots that want to bring you down will notice

[@juliannabrown5763]

Look at the middle of where their unibrow would be, it looks like ur looking at their eyes but ur not

[@makardeku]

@@juliannabrown5763 i can’t even look at their faces lmfao my eyes and head are toward the floor or just staring at what i’m getting and handing over money. it’s weird. i can say please and thank you, have a good day, but looking at them? oh hell no lmfao

[@joankgillette]

Literally no one noticed lol

[@AlexandriaKV]

My doc says it’s a trauma response coupled with ADHD. Not looking at people when they talk makes it easier for you to pay attention to them. Our society favors eye contact. You have been accosted and shamed for not keeping eye contact. You’re totally fine not looking at people in the eye!

[@jaydenbeverly9754]

Thank you so much Colleen. I truly haven’t see anyone else with this eye contact issue. I literally started crying because I no longer feel alone about it. I have also never been able to explain it as well as you did. I am 16 and struggling with the awful trifecta: ADHD, anxiety, and depression. I love you and your videos so much. I feel like I truly understand you.

[@destinymedlin6771]

Colleen I do the same thing! I can’t look people in the eye , like i literally can’t! if i ever try i can’t focus on what they are saying or i’ll freaking cry! i’m such a baby!!! Thanks for being so real! I love your talks in the videos they make me feel like i’m not the only one! My anxiety is super bad. Thank You for making me feel like i’m not alone! ❤️

[@zozoeliza]

i’ve read only a few comments and it’s making me realise that a lot more people don’t/can’t make eye contact. i can only make eye contact with my boyfriend. i feel so uncomfortable and i feel like i’m making other people feel uncomfortable if i look into their eyes or i’m thinking about what they’re thinking about. i know this isn’t a solution but i always look at their eyebrows or nose or my hand and like fidget with my fingers or a pen on my ring as if i’m actually doing something ‘important’ rather than looking at their eyes. - don’t worry about fixing it colleen i’m sure it’s much more normal than you think and i’m so sorry that people bullied you about it cuz it’s nothing to be embarrassed about ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@japjap_jule]

Same. No problem looking into my bfs eyes. But with other people, even friends and family, it is hard and I always found it weird that people do that. My boss always stares in your eyes, it is really intimidating to me. What helped me is watching asmr videos, especially eye exam roleplays because you have to look a person in the eye, but they are not here, its just a video, but it is designed for you to feel comfortable. Ive gotten better since i started watching asmr

[@ella811]

reminds me of a book i just read called “Finding Audrey”- she wears sunglasses because she has anxiety and cannot do eye contact. i personally do not suffer with this but i feel like you just don’t need to worry about it, but that’s easier to say than do so sorry :(

[@azeaze9474]

Ohh I read that recently too! Yeah it sounds pretty similar but not quite either

[@lilygillis8732]

Where could I find that book? It sounds really good

[@carlynlamson2025]

@@lilygillis8732 I found it on Amazon!

[@meredithbisioski471]

oh my god i love that book i read it like three times in like one week

[@makaylaellison9058]

@@lilygillis8732 you should try thriftbooks.com and see if they have it! 😎

[@haleysullivan9400]

I do the shifting eyes thing too!! I’ve never really thought about it. I have anxiety and ADHD too. I don’t necessarily feel uncomfortable when making eye contact, but when I’m talking to someone and they ask me a question that I can’t answer without thinking about it, I immediately look off into the distance while thinking about it/answering the question. So if someone asks me “What was your favorite part of your day?” I wouldn’t be able to keep eye contact while I’m answering them, and I’d look anywhere else but the person I’m talking to, because if I look at the person’s eyes I’d only be thinking about how I’m making eye contact. So I feel you Colleen!!❤️❤️

[@thisauntbuildsstuff]

Have you been tested for Aspergers? high functioning autism in girls and women is different than boys and men. often adhd is misdiagnosed and the person is really on the autism spectrum. I was 37 when I was diagnosed. We have the same type of "symptoms".

[@mamajan-1968]

I was gonna say the same thing. Jerry Seinfeld is on the spectrum and he is a comic genius (like you I might add❤)

[@rachelsimcha00]

it manifests itself differently because girls tend to mask it better to fit in.

[@jetcasper11]

Aweee we

[@bhargavisuresh2175]

flynn taught me more about cars than life did.

[@sapphireproductions631]

Ikr

[@claireperritt8730]

Honestly same

[@carolinepeters28]

so true!

[@abbylilliemugduing4847]

Ikr

[@Kylee594]

Same hehe

[@sarah.93.30]

Flynn referring to himself as “baby” might just get me through this pandemic ❤️

[@emilyj3444]

Same

[@annabellejurus5326]

Ikr!! BaBy eAt iT!?!🥺🥺🥺

[@emmashtemberg3015]

hahaha yessss

[@domimika9]

I've got a feeling that Flynn will be graduating high school and this pandemic will still be with us, but yeah, that is very cute

[@emmashtemberg3015]

might just be ahahah but we’ve got colleens volgs!

[@MsArizonaGrown]

I don't want to write a novel, but you helped me so much today when you talked about the eye contact thing. I have panic attacks, where sometimes it randomly feels like I can't breathe. It happens when people direct negative emotions towards me but I've come a long way with managing it. This week I got promoted to supervisor of the position I've held for the last five years. I started at a new location, with a lot of triggering factors but I felt READY! Then... today, a patient started arguing with me. I was prepared for it, I've been dealing with these situations for YEARS... but a minute into the conversation, I realized I was having a hard time responding because I was running out of air. I've been beating myself ALL day about why this happened. I have dealt with people way louder, way crueler... why today did I panic? Maybe I'm not cut out for this I thought... maybe I'm in over my head... maybe I cant do this after all. BUT when you talked about the eye contact thing in your video, I realized THAT is what was different. She NEVER looked away... and so I never felt like I had a moment to relax, to breathe. Normally mad people look at the ceiling or their phone at some point.... they break eye contact for a second and I've learned to use those moments to breathe. She didn't give me that time. ANYWAYS now I believe it was just a uniquely triggering situation and I GOT THIS! I also feel less alone.

[@MaddieG59]

Yes!! I feel the same way, I CAN NOT make eye contact to save my life. I try my hardest to out of respect, but in that moment I’m only focusing on forcing the eye contact and I can’t even focus on the conversation. I’m so glad I’m not alone in this...

[@henlodrey]

ok if Flynn starts to call himself "Flynn" instead of "Baby" i’ll cry again just like with the Dardars 🥺 he’s growing up too fast!

[@maryallison0509]

Agreed!!! I love that about baby's. I don't know why most babies refer to themselves as Baby instead of their names. I know all my kids did. My heart hurt when Dar Dar ended. And I think I will cry when tounge out jimbberish for water ends to. He is such a cute funny sweet boy.

[@katiedial2334]

He’s getting so big! 😭 it’s been so great watching him grow up on camera.

[@maryallison0509]

@@katiedial2334 I love that we have seen him on the daily. It is so fun watching him growing up and seeing him learn and change. And I love he can watch it all online when he grows up.

[@kkmk34]

Hi Colleen! Anyone can read someone’s expression almost effortlessly with just a glance, some people better than others. However, for some people, when you look in someone’s eyes, the part of the brain that reads expressions gets overstimulated, resulting in you becoming uncomfortable. Advice: Look at someone’s nose bridge! Their brain will register that as eye contact. That, or look at their nose tip, cheeks or forehead. Like so Colleen can see! Thank you!

[@MeganBennett1588]

Girl, I'm exactly the same way, EXACTLY. I also have anxiety, depression, adhd, low self esteem/self worth at times. Gotta have something to do with those things.

[@rachaelpatton5391]

Exposure is key. Exposing ourselves to things that make us uncomfortable, make us less uncomfortable with them overtime. Practice looking someone in the eyes and think about what about it makes you uncomfortable. I also saw someone mention the way your talk to yourself, which is so important. Instead of saying “I cannot make eye contact with you” say “I am going to try to make eye contact with you”. The more you tell yourself that the more your thoughts will affect your behaviors. 😌

[@kimmieharts8638]

That sounds a little like Auditory Processing Disorder. My son had this growing up. Also maybe a little high functioning Aspergers? My husband has that and it physically hurts him to do certain things like this. Hope you get some answers but no matter what embrace your difference of others! It’s what makes you amazingly you!!!

[@lexTS89]

That’s what I was thinking. Recently I’ve been noticing that I may have autism, and one of the traits is not being able to make eye contact.

[@rachelsimcha00]

hi friend! i’m autistic myself, just a note, its listed as autism spectrum disorder in the DSM 5. there’s not really high functioning or low functioning. every single human that has it is completely unique, and “high” or “low” functioning can suggest that people who have physical or mental challenges because of autism function less. it doesn’t mean people who don’t have those issues don’t struggle as well.

[@md-iw1ok]

here to add to the sea of comments: a school counselor caught my ADHD based on my inability to make eye contact with her. obviously i had other symptoms but that was the one that pushed her to finally mention that i should be tested to me and my parents. i experience eye contact the same way you explained, if im making it, im not listening to the person im talking to at all. the only thing that i have found that helps is when im taking my medicine. maybe that’s an unpopular opinion but it truly helps me. i also found that taking my ADHD medicine helped immensely with my anxiety and dermatillomania. it helps make my thoughts more organized and processable, and relaxes my compulsion to pick. i know its a hard choice to make, and maybe you’re already on medication, but im not kidding when i say it was the best choice i have ever made. it is one of the main reasons im going to school for psychology. i hope this helps! ps- just to fend off the comments that appear whenever i have mentioned my mental health on the internet, no, none of this was self diagnosed, i spent 6+ years (so far) seeing therapists, psychiatrists, being in and out of hospitals and treatment programs. im not saying self-diagnosis is completely invalid, i understand there are lots of situations where it’s the only option but im just stating my experience. bless anyone who actually read that, have a lovely day 💛

[@truthteller9882]

Hi! I do cognitive assessments for adults with suspected ADHD and it makes me so happy to hear when a person is able to find relief in whatever way works for them. Sending you lots of love!

[@reesejohnson4548]

I have a lot of anxiety and I used to struggle a lot with eye contact and what I found is to just relax and not focus on just eye contact. The more I focused on eye contact the more anxious I got, but the more I focused on the words that people were saying, and the cues I gave people that I was listening it became really relaxing. I've even found that being relaxed can even make you make eye contact without even thinking about it.

[@yvonneball-paquet1887]

I went to university for dance, and an exercise to connect to my fellow performers before we went on stage was to engage in eye contact with each performer, and when we were ready, we would move on to the next person. When it came to my turn to engage in eye contact, I immediately began to cry. I too have ADHD, anxiety and depression and I so deeply connect with what you said about eye contact, it’s SO HARD, my brain goes into overload and I get overwhelmed with where I should be looking 👀

[@shaychaney5630]

I’m uncomfortable with eye contact too, Colleen. I don’t have “darting eyes” but I have, what my eye Dr. calls “double vision” and it makes my eyes do odd things sometimes. When it’s bad and I’m talking to someone, one eye is in the right position and the other eye is kind of slightly looking over their head. This is because I sometimes literally see 2 of everything I’m looking at so one of my eyes is focused on the right image and the other is focused on the “double” or the image overlapping the right image. lol I almost know that didn’t make since but all of that to say...... I feel self conscious & uncomfortable about eye contact as well. 😂

[@gingerbrentjens8518]

I have exactly the same problem and I got a lot of headaches and it made me really tired so we went to the doctor and they said that you can fix it with a surgery I did and it changed my life it is so much better now and would def recommend it ofcouse it’s your own choice and you have to do what you feel comfortable with but it really helped me.

[@shaychaney5630]

@@gingerbrentjens8518 thank you! My eye Dr. hasn’t mentioned anything about a surgery that could help but maybe I can ask him when I go to my next appointment. I also have severe headaches due to my eyes so I always make sure to keep my eye Dr. appointment but thanks, I’ll ask next time. 🙏🏻

[@blahblahbhal]

I LOVE HOW HE REFERS TO HIMSELF AS BABY. flynn- "oh baby eat it" colleen- "mhm" flynn- *puts it in his mouth* its literally the. cutest thing ever.

[@Trey-see]

I have severe anxiety and I used to not be able to look people in the eye, but I made a point to start doing it. I think the more you do it the more used to it you’ll get. It’s not always the most comfortable thing, but it’s respectful to the other person and it shows confidence in you.

[@allycooper4224]

I feel like Flynn's sister by just randomly singing a truck song throughout the day.

[@lucyoconnor7897]

I do that to.........

[@arunimasharma9714]

Skid steer is always having ✨FUUUNN✨

[@cassidy4231]

Okay I'm glad I'm not the only one who breaks out into a song I've never heard except when Flynn sings it 😂

[@krishnatsunduru7368]

Ikrr sameeee

[@krishnatsunduru7368]

I also do this one thing ....... I feel ashamed but kinda not ...... whenever I come acrosss a dump truck or anything Flynn might like ... I take a picture and debate if I should tag Colleen and tweet but I don’t so I have a hundred pics meant for Flynn on my phone 😂😂😛🥳😭🥰❤️💖

[@celenaottley1257]

I can relate I can’t look people in the eyes it makes me dramatically uncomfortable. I will look away or have shifty eyes to. If I look at them my brain 100% turns off. I’ve learned to look at a space near their eyes because I can still pay attention that way. Even then I have to concentrate on what they are saying.

[@oniera]

I do that too and I didn’t know anyone else who did. My therapist told me to just try to make eye contact and obviously that isn’t an answer on how to do that. I’m sorry you feel the way you do I feel that way too often. I hope you find out what to do :(.

[@MrsGretchen123]

Or a way to accept it and heal her prior criticism :)

[@oniera]

@@katherine7444 accurate

[@AnnaBlanchard]

I have the same issue with eye contact. I find it very overwhelming. What helps me is reminding myself that there is no normal way to be in a conversation. And if I need to look away or do whatever, it's totally fine. There is no one way to be! No need to judge yourself for it.

[@hhyacinthus]

Hey! I had a friend growing up that has severe anxiety and his main symptom was the fact that he couldn’t look people in the eye. He would always look right above people while he talked to them. To combat this me and his girlfriend at the time would talk to him and encourage him to look us in the eyes while he talked or told a story for 10-30 seconds. I understand that it’s hard for you to focus on what the other person is saying when you’re focused on looking them in the eyes so we usually got him to look at us while HE talked rather than while he listened to us. That allowed him to get more comfortable with doing it with us and then after a lot a lot of practice he is now able to look people in the eyes and still focus SO much more. Everything takes practice and plleeeaasssseee don’t worry about how you are coming off to other people while you work on this. I can assure you that no one notices it as much as you do. I hope you can improve this or at least not let it get to you. Good luck ❤️❤️

[@klizzerdlipz]

I do the eye contact thing too. For me it’s an autistic trait, and autism is super different in women than it is in men so it could definitely be something to look into.

[@paintyam]

I cannot look at anyone’s faces even on zoom. When I’m talking to them I’m looking at a blank space on the screen. Not at myself. Not at them. It feels odd.

[@Jackieelbing]

Same, it just feels so awkward to look straight at someone

[@danielleheather97]

i was diagnosed with ADD (now grouped with ADHD) in grade 7, and i relate to you soooooo much! i pick at my hair and its caused bald spots; i cant handle eye contact either because it makes me feel too vulnerable and uncomfortable.. even with family, friends, bosses and my boyfriend; i find it hard to focus when theres a lot of distractions, etc

[@Lizmarie2086]

Eye contact can be very intimate and intimidating so I get it. The vulnerability part of it also stands out to me. Vulnerable moments can be hard, crying, sharing feelings, hugs are all vulnerable situations like eye contact that can be a struggle. I don’t know if this will fix it but have u tried looking right above the person or their forehead. It is really a public speaking technique where you pick a spot at the back of the room and focus on it. You could also look at someone face periodically to show you are listening but then look away for most the conversation.

[@MoneyTalkwithChris]

Colleen you are an INSPIRATION!!! I lost my job due to the pandemic. Since then, I’ve started a KZbin Channel on Money…and it is GROWING! Thanks for all of your great content, and to everyone else…NEVER GIVE UP!!!

[@peppapig7530]

I’m sorry you lost ur job! Sending love ❤️

[@MoneyTalkwithChris]

@@peppapig7530 Thank you so much, I'm working through it!!

[@larasohrabian1136]

@@MoneyTalkwithChris Whats ur channel I will sub!!

[@nataliemiller9123]

Sorry you lost your job and your amazing

[@peppapig7530]

@@MoneyTalkwithChris that’s great! Hope it goes smoothly😄

[@infinitybean5744]

I have undiagnosed autism and this was my first like clue, I have sensory issues too.

[@christineg6123]

Idk how this information is helpful to Colleen bc Colleen doesn't have autism.

[@libertyjane13]

@@christineg6123 autism and adhd in women can be very similar

[@rachelsimcha00]

@@christineg6123 it’s a similar issue. i’m autistic and i have the same problem. i’ve never been able to look at anyone in the eye unless i trust them. if i’m nervous you can forget me looking you in the eye, i do it even less then 😂

[@Morgan-qe8vq]

@@christineg6123 bold of you to assume that. it’s a suggestion. don’t act as if autism is something negative, or an insult to colleen

[@giabarrone7422]

@@Morgan-qe8vq She has been evaluated by doctors for the issue already . Either she doesn't have autism or she is lying about what her doctors said.

[@RyaBread300]

I have anxiety with eye contact, too. It’s a matter of practice. The more you focus on correcting it, the easier it will get. I still catch myself doing it, and have to correct it again.

[@coureypie3090]

As someone with anxiety and ADHD, I watch people's mouths while they talk, because it also helps me understand what they're saying because I also read lips and I struggle with audio processing.

[@kbaylor123]

I have heard of looking at the bridge of the persons nose, but I think I naturally look at their mouth to help understand what they are saying

[@thewillow3457]

Eye contact is so hard with anxiety and low self esteem.

[@maryallison0509]

I miss those moments of just randomly stopping whatever I was doing to just play something with my kids and grandkids . Those were really fun sweet moments I have miss so much.

[@SeviyeHanm]

I had the same thing when I was younger than I made a decision. I look the person's right eye only😆 and this saved me a lot. This is an anxiety thing😢

[@sofia7097]

hi colleen !! i have social anxiety and autism and i completely relate with everything you just said. what i do is i usually look at/below peoples noses. ive learned it creates the illusion of you making eye contact to the other person but it also takes away your discomfort!!

[@hayliewebb2266]

Does anybody still randomly walk around the house singing "IM COLLEEN AND IM FILMING MY DAY, EVERY DAY OF MAY SO HEY!!!"

[@madeleinereads]

I randomly sing all of her intro songs!

[@mollymotomotofel983]

ME

[@AinsleeDawn]

Yesss. May more than all the others. Although Relax has been popular lately. 😂

[@lily_padxx1950]

Same xd

[@devanraemcdonald]

Omg when Flynn is the ambulance and strains to pick up your broken car .. that is everything. The purity and innocence Flynn has is beautiful. 🧚🏼‍♂️✨✨✨ Flynn is Such a breath of fresh air that is needed in this world. Preserve it as long as possible momma bear! You are an amazing mother... sending love to you and your beautiful family.. God bless! 🙏🏻

[@jamiepardo3909]

I have never heard someone talk about this and I didn't know other people felt like this. Thank you it feels good knowing I'm not alone with my lack of eye contact and how it makes me so uncomfortable.

[@FluffyUnicorn30]

It's so cute to watch her play with Flynn! Those are the moments she's gonna love to look back on.

[@Lucyjaye1]

PLEASE PEOPLE LIKE THIS, THIS IS SO USEFUL AND I WANT COLLEEN TO SEE THIS! So not sure if this helps. But until I was 18 I could NEVER lock eyes with someone. Hated it, couldn’t focus, couldn’t speak to people directly, even people I knew. Being a performer since I could walk and studying Acting at a performing arts school when I was 14 up until I was 17 you would think I was used to eye contact. But I hated it, could do it. The thought of eye contact made me anxious and awkward and only got worse as I got older. I was always told this was because I was bullied growing up so my fear of feeling like someone was looking deep into my soul was what was triggering me. When I was 18 I got my first job away from home (holiday park performer and singer) and knew for my job I had to look many guests in the eyes and co workers too. TIPS- I started by (I know it sounds silly..) with looking at teddies in the eyes, whilst doing so I kept my mind clear and empty, I would listen to audio books whilst staring at the teddy and only focus on the story. TIP 2- I would ask family if they could tell me a sentence whilst we kept eye contact, then I would have to say the sentences back to them. Slowly but surely doing tasks like this made it easier to keep eye contact and now it’s almost force of habit (I’m 22 soon) sometimes I still feel awkward to have eye contact with people but TIP 3- when your out getting groceries, shopping etc smile at random strangers, locking eyes, or just a simple hi (you probably will never see this person ever again so it doesn’t matter what they think)! Eye contact is all about ALLOWING PEOPLE IN! I really hope this helps! Stay safe and have a wonderful day ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@insertcreativenamehere7970]

It sounds like you figured out gradual exposure on your own. That's super cool 😄

[@elizabethfuselier821]

I have a lot of sensory issues. I think a lot of women are undiagnosed on the Autism spectrum. I definitely have some issues that make me think I am super high functioning...I can make eye contact but certain noises stress me out to the point of me in tears. Definitely see a specialist!

[@Missakiah]

I was about to say everyone blames it on my autism.... which I’m uncomfortable with because why can’t I just not have good eye contact 😅

[@ChickasawScot]

My son is also very high functioning and after hearing Colleen talk about her various issues over several videos, I think she more than likely is high functioning as well. Not by any means trying to diagnose, just what I’m seeing.

[@lib5864]

I babysat a girl with autism and she could only focus on looking or listening at one time and it's totally fine it was more of me (as an outsider of her brain) understanding that that meant she was giving me her undevided hearing attention despite what we're taught as polite in American society

[@emjohnson7681]

In my graduate psychology course we learned about CBT, cognitive behavior therapy, and how it would be used to slowly teach you how to maintain eye contact. You would start maybe by even making eye contact with yourself in the mirror and then maybe with someone you trust and then with some over a video call and so on slowly taking steps to gain confidence in doing so.

[@user-mo7rc4fn8i]

SAME!!! I literally do this all the time!! And once o realize I’m doing that with my eyes, I do it more because I feel way more awkward. I feel like people judge me and I try to make eye contact I literally CANTTTTT!!

[@mariecatherineee]

Colleen literally inspires me to be a better mom, and I don’t even have children.

[@Hi-gg8rp]

lol

[@kellyhong1326]

Same

[@katelynh9597]

Same!!

[@juliasanchez4785]

I also have a hard time making eye contact, if I look at someone for more than 7 seconds I feel like I’m staring into their soul and feel like a creep. So I can relate! 😶

[@jabriaw5754]

okay same

[@Josefinedacke]

I completely recognize myself in what you’re saying! I’ve never been comfortable looking into someone’s eyes during a conversation and forget to listen when I try to keep eye contact... I’ve struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. I think it also has something to do with having a restless mind 🤔 Just know you’re definitely not alone 🙏🏼

[@derekraymond2150]

It could be a manifestation of many things. Trauma, anxiety, PTSD, or other psychological conditions can cause a lack of eye contact based on feeling insecure, nervous, or a feeling of being in danger even if the environment truly is safe. Don't beat yourself up about it, your body is just trying to cope and protect you. Sending love from another neurodivergent human.

[@robyndwyer]

oooh I understand when I'm talking to people I stare past their head and luckily all my friends have anxiety or ADHD or are autistic so eye contact is not mandatory or really wanted but try looking at their forehead or eyebrows or try to make it a game try to figure out what colour the persons eyes are or if their eyebrows match their hair colour

[@camrip5126]

Oh my gosh! I’ve grown up in a small school where everybody knew everyone. I’ve never been able to feel like I could look at somebody in the eyes and when I force myself to, I feel very panicky, even with my own family and bf. I’m a shy and anxious person so I’ve always figured it was that. But now that you’ve talked about it, I feel the same wayyy! For sure frustrating!!

[@sharijimmy3675]

I also have a hard time looking into people's eyes during a conversation. both because of ADHD and also because of anxiety. and I used to be ashamed and tried to force myself. but today I accept it and understand that I am sensitive and different from others and that's okay

[@sanjanajirankali]

i have the same problem colleen. i can't look someone in the eyes at all. and if i do, i can't focus on what they're saying and i get worried because what if they ask something later. for me, it's just scary to look at someone in the eyes. and i do the exact same thing that you do. i look side to side when i'm making "eye contact"

[@MissSonneFisch]

I have the same issue, BUT I can kind of overcome it a bit by looking at a person's eyebrows instead of their eyes.

[@TheKrissyann67]

I struggled with this, in my younger years. I'm 53 now, and I "cured" myself if it, when I was 18. To be honest, I just started forcing myself to look into the eyes of people. It was hard, but I finally broke threw it.

[@jjpeeler8452]

If you have trouble looking someone in the eyes and listening at the same time, ME TOO! A therapist once gave me an exercise that helped. Ask someone a question and look them in the eyes, then try your best to listen while not breaking eye contact. Then, repeat back to them what they said, as close to verbatim as you are able. Then switch. It's a skill that you have to practice, for those of us who have a hard time doing both. It feels awkward and terrible for a bit, and the other person has to be willing. I think having the exercise be specific and everyone be "in on it" helps with the strangeness/uncomfortable feeling of breaking the communication pattern. Slowly, it gets easier. It really has helped me!

[@evie3552]

I have struggled with this before, i haven't been able to fully overcome it, but the best way to avoid the "embarrassment" of shifting my eyes away is to just look at a different spot on their face, or make some sort of gesture like a nod to make it seem more natural when you look away. Just remember, there are so many other people who can relate to this, and other things you may feel uncomfortable about, you are not alone.

[@kattiebug7669]

I wish I knew the answer to the eye contact thing as well It makes me extremely uncomfortable and when in a conversation with someone I’m over thinking about looking them directly in the eye and same I can’t think of anything else so I hear nothing they are saying ....

[@mrsgigglegirl10]

I used to struggle with looking people in the eyes. It would bother my family SO MUCH because they said that it looked like I was always uncomfortable. I had to work on it and what helped was looking just over peoples heads or foreheads. I don’t struggle with it anymore, it’s just about guiding your eyes to parts of the face. I also sometimes look at lips and people haven’t been able to notice!

[@jessicanelson7466]

I have the same problem with the eye contact thing. For me it always felt when I make eye contact with someone I feel they are judging me with thier eyes. I know weird, I was very shy and socially awkward when I younger so I would automatically look at the ground. I got the advice of look at the persons mouth when they are talking instead of thier eyes this has really helped me.

[@annastaton6228]

Ugh! I can’t keep eye contact either!! It annoys me that I can’t, but it makes me really scared and stressed.

[@ciera9523]

I literally can’t look at someone in the eyes either. Not even my own boyfriend. I just feel so uncomfortable

[@rasamezapuke2077]

A similar thing is happening to me too, my eyes start watering and it is so annoying, and my mind makes me think that if someone looks directly in my eyes, i feel judged.

[@miewiegand1511]

I have this issue as well, my therapist told me it is very common in people who deal with anxiety, depression and so on. We came to the conclusion it may be because there are so much information in people’s eyes and I personally have issues with getting to much information at once, I personally always now every single sound, every little bird flying outside, there is always so much information and sometimes it just gets to much..

[@anika4774]

I am a psychotherapist intern (I see clients) and if you were in my office, I would suggest exposure therapy for this. Nothing is going change unless you make the change. It will be very uncomfortable but it can be done. Start slow- look Erik in the eyes for 30 seconds straight for a couple days, then for 45 seconds, then 1 minute. Work your way up. Then, after that, focus more time/energy on looking in other loved ones eyes that you trust. Like I said, it will not be easy, but it is possible. 💕

[@chrissyzcreationz]

My therapist says I do it because I don't want people to REALLY see me, like soul deep. It's a protection mechanism.

[@laurenseidel]

That’s EXACTLY the reason I struggle with eye contact. I feel like it opens me up to that person, and they can see things I don’t want them to. Can they see how I’m feeling? Likely no, but my brain will never believe that.

[@nataliedreha73]

Hey Colleen as a mother diagnosed at 41 with ADHD and having two daughters on the Autism spectrum.....looking people in the eye is a classic example...My eldest 16 says when people look her in the eyes or she has to look others in the eyes its like people are looking into her soul.....As someone who is surrounded by ASD kids and families (due to work) I recognise many traits in yourself that I see daily....Just keep embracing your journey of self discovery. And big love from Australia 🌎xox

[@jennifervazquez7553]

I do the exact same thing.i can't look at someone's eyes. I always have to make a conscience eye contact. I always over think things too. Just accept yourself. Nothing i can do to stop it.

[@heathervc]

I can look people in the eyes but when I do, I’m like you where I just think about it too much and can’t even focus on what they’re saying. Am I making too much eye contact? oh where should I look? I try to make myself just be in the moment and not think about it but it’s hard haha so I understand you. Honestly just try to push yourself more and try to look at people in the face more! that’s the best solution I can think of

[@1bzymom.Of2Kids]

I love watching you guys play with Flynn...it makes me want to join in on the imaginary play! Such fun 💗

[@emmashtemberg3015]

I know right, such a sweet person! Also Flynn is sooooo grown up WHATTT!!

[@sophiacarstens8861]

I’m currently an undergrad in communication sciences disorders on a plan to go to grad school for speech language pathology. I’m in a language disorders class right now and we have been learning about auditory processing disorder and ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). One of the common symptoms to look for in ASD is uncomfortable eye contact. You could be high functioning! Many women are under diagnosed because we tend to show different symptoms than men so I would look into ASD :) love you!!

[@chiarabiocca5508]

I do have this problem too since always. When I have to talk to my boss etc every time I know I'll never understand what they said cause I was too focused on forcing me looking into their eyes, etc. I know how you are feeling. Teachers always made fun of it. It is the same for me. Thank you for sharing this. I'm not feeling alone anymore, thanks♥️

[@islahunt3559]

There’s nothing wrong with you. Lots of people who have ADHD also are autistic, or vice versa. And autistic people really struggle to make eye contact. Lots of people just look at the floor or after a lot of practice, look at a feature on someone’s face, like their nose. I am not saying you are or could be autistic, but when you describe it it sounds a lot like autism.

[@sofiaalonso3133]

I'm autistic and do agree it sounds like it.

[@SallyH247]

That's what I thought straight away. I'm in the process of getting a diagnosis for ADHD and I have some autistic traits as well. There's a lot of people with both disorders and there's a lot of crossover of symptoms for both disorders. It's not an anxiety thing, anxiety is the result of the disorder she's has all her life without being diagnosed - one of the many fun co-morbidities that come with ADHD & ASD. Wish I could just reach into the screen and give her a hug - and tell her she's not alone!

[@melinasilvestro7043]

These late night "chats" help me and my mental health so much, they're my favorite. I feel the same way about looking someone directly in the eye, it's so uncomfortable to me as well. I can't give you advice, but just know that you're not alone! Thank you for talking about your mental health, it's so comforting to me knowing that I'm not alone with picking my skin, or just not looking people into the eye, I really appreciate it. Thank you, Colleen. Sending skid steer and turtle love from New York!! 🥰

[@ovo2185]

I also have the same problem and I thought that I was the only one who experienced it, It feels better to know that other people go through it and that I’m not alone, I feel understood. ♥️✨

[@IntroducingSeven]

I have struggled with looking people in the eyes my whole life as well, something I found that helps is looking directly over their eyes like at their eyebrows or just under. Over time I found that I could get more comfortable to look them in the eyes every so often. It takes time and its a lot of work, you can do it.

[@hippiedKoala]

I'll be honest I struggle really hard to look people in the eye. It's very uncomfortable to me. They way I practice is looking in between their eyes or their nose, or vacinity. For me it's training my brain to say it's okay to look in their eyes and I start with one person at a time. It honestly has taken me a long time to be okay with looking at my significant other let alone other people