I Have Reached the Lonely Part of the Dating Cycle

[@adventuresintvland]

I’ve been perpetually single my whole life and am now in my late 40s. I have no advice. It can be rough out there. I have accepted my singleness. It doesn’t help the loneliness. But it is what it is. Good luck

[@ashalia11]

Good luck to you too!!! Accepting the singleness and being happy about it are two different things...haha!! I hope something eventually works out for both of us!!

[@katiemitchell6064]

Hello love! I've been a silent watcher for a few videos of yours but I'm here to say I completelyyyyy relate. I'm 31 and I've been single for about a decade (flings not included for obvious reasons). It can be so freaking tough sometimes and I'm in a similar spot of feeling lonely. When I feel lonely, I hyper-fixate on the fact that I feel lonely and then it just becomes worse! I sometimes start the cycle of dating apps and then deleting them days later because I know it's not what I really want to experience. I'm tired of them and I'm also tired of being single! What's a girl to do? I've learned that when I get these feelings of loneliness, it helps for me to really lean into myself. I focus on doing things that make me feel good and inspired and creative, I spend more time with friends, and I work a little bit more. I have a spiritual routine and so I'll spend time with that, journalling about how I'm feeling, meditating, etc. None of it can replace what I desire in my life, but I wrap those things around me like a comfortable blanket in order to get through the lonely season. Some days it's just about toughing out the storm for me. Trust me that you are not alone. A lot of us are out there feeling this way. Your videos help me feel less alone in my single journey 💜 sending you so much love

[@ashalia11]

I'm so happy that my videos make you feel less alone!! Its one of the biggest reasons why I make them!! I hate that there's so many of us going through this! But it is nice to know that at least we have each other!! Sending you lots of love girl!! ❤️

[@martainroth2588]

Have you ever asked yourself, "Why do men not want to commit to me?" Let's say you make $50K and demand that a guy makes that much or more, then you've already discounted 60% in you are range. Make a list of your must haves and then look up what percentage of men have that; so if the guy you're looking for makes up 1% of the population you have to assume that other women also like those traits so a 1% men should have 100 women to choose from, so why should he choose you rather than any other of those 100 women? How would you make a man's life better? Most women don't make men's lives better and want a monogamous relationship so that they control access to the one thing a guy most wants from a woman. This is not a fairy tale story, some guys marry the wicket stepmother and there is only 1 prince in the kingdom. Remember that people like peace and you have peace with your lonely, so you don't want to put up with a man that makes life more difficult, men will also not want to put up with a woman who makes their life difficult. You've had flings so can get someone if you really want to but can't keep someone, so the next time you meditate look back and ask yourself, "What could I have done to make this guys life better?" Unfortunately to many woman are narasasists and will think they are perfect and it's everyone who should bend to their desires.

[@mayjune8515]

“When does it end?” I feel this so deeply.

[@ashalia11]

Sending you so much love! 🩷

[@Jules_TX]

Your fears and emotions are valid and relatable. I’m sorry you’re going through this but you’re not alone. I know that may not bring comfort but it’s not “you” because it happens to many of us. Who knew meeting someone and creating a life would be nearly impossible.

[@rochellea2073]

The "cycle" of online dating is SO relatable. Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing. I also struggle with the lonely part when I take breaks. I mostly try to distract myself with unrelated activities but tell myself it's only a temporary break, which I guess in some weird way comforts me enough to focus on other things. It's not easy though! xoxo You're absolutely adorable and beautiful by the way.

[@ashalia11]

Thank you so much!!! Distractions are great!! (And a huge reason why I'm always traveling and going to concerts and stuff...haha!) I guess it's good to look at it as a temporary break! I always jump to "im never going back on the apps ever again!!" Even though I know ita a lie 🤣

[@aracelycarreon6791]

Hi there this is my first time watching you and i completely understand how u feel , most of the time i feel like a missing piece of puzzle that can't fit anywhere

[@carolynj6144]

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way girl! I know exactly how you feel because I’ve been there before and it’s really annoying when people say things like “date yourself, focus on self care, etc.” I don’t really have advice for you but I know how you feel and I’m sorry ❤ I went through a terrible relationship so I have now been single for 3 years and am kind of at the point where I want to be alone. But that being said, I have been where you are and it’s hard because obviously you love your family and you love your friends, but you want that specific type of love that comes with a relationship. I’m sorry I don’t have advice but I’m rooting for you lol

[@ashalia11]

Yes! That specific kind of love that comes with a relationship is what I'm missing and longing for!! Thank you for rooting for me!! I'm sorry you were in a terrible relationship for so long!! I hope you find whatever it is that will bring you the most happiness!!

[@TM-nb9zf]

I noticed being slightly cold and rude to men actually works. Idk why. But i was sweet and loving when i dated in my 20s. In my 30s i was stoic and nonchalant and i literally met my husband with that energy. Men are strange creatures 😂

[@GenevaJculla15]

This

[@ashalia11]

This is so interesting to me! I'm not sure if I know how to be slightly cold! I'll have to investigate this further!! Thanks for the tip!

[@TM-nb9zf]

@ashalia11 when I say cold I mean, being indifferent.....not super agreeable all the time. Direct ...blunt. busy.... focused on my on goals. I am still respectful and kind. I still show interest, but it's never anything intense. It seems like they put nice women in a box and manipulate them. No thanks.

[@ashalia11]

@TM-nb9zf okay, yeah, I understand what you're saying!! Unfortunately I have zero chill and turn into a crazy person when I like a guy! Haha!! Its definitely something I need to work on!!

[@agelessbeautee5.04]

I love being single- it’s one of the BEST gifts GOD has given to me

[@ashalia11]

For the most part I love it too, just sometimes it gets hard! And I thank God for keeping the bad dudes out of my life!!

[@Al-fe7td]

Awww my heart goes out to you ❤❤ I’ve definitely been in this cycle of loneliness too and it’s not fun. I’m so sorry you’re feeling alone, i think with how disconnected we are nowadays it is something you are not alone in AT ALL!! I have 2 pieces of advice for you, feel free to take them with a grain of salt cause who knows if they apply: 1. It might be good to find a good counselor/therapist-NOT because there is anything wrong with you!!! But exactly the opposite. Even just through this video it is easy to see your are someone with a huge heart who is pretty, kind, likeable, and positive…so it is WILD to me that these men you’ve seen could ever make you feel like a monster. You are most certainly NOT. It might be helpful to find a therapist to talk through these struggles with, they might be able to help you through any mental blocks you have about putting yourself out there and help you maybe see what an amazing human you are and that you do NOT need to be wasting any energy on someone who makes you feel bad about yourself. 2. It might be good to focus on building friendships. I also hate the dating apps and all of that, and one thing that’s been helpful for me has been to just focus on making real life connections and friends. That can mean joining clubs and groups in your area and often can be uncomfortable as an introvert or someone with social anxiety-but that fear and discomfort is worth pushing through! Making meaningful friendships can make that lonely feeling go away, and can also sometimes offer unexpected romantic connections too! There might be a guy in the group, or someone might have a brother/friend to set you up with…it offers new possibilities, and meeting people organically is always WAY better than the cheap dating app interactions. I recently listened to this episode of the Mel Robbin’s podcast and it was so comforting & offered great advice, I hope it can be helpful for you as well ❤ good luck with everything I truly wish you the best!! You are not alone ❤❤ open.spotify.com/episode/58UwEyGFtzmSQjoZNbuKV0?si=9j2td3-9TeuNhaHFQadqtg

[@ashalia11]

Thank you so much for such a thoughtful response!! I very much appreciate all of this advice! I have been thinking about finding a therapist, it's just a matter of doing it! I am a world class procrastinator 🤦🏼‍♀️ I will definitely check out the podcast you recommend!!

[@elevate408]

Hugs your not alone. It ticks me off. Men will use you as a placeholder until they find someone they really want to commit with. They have options, they have their phone… they use you so they are not alone all while cultivating a possible relationship with someone else. They will then ghost you or say they are in a relationship now because they were developing that relationship when they were with you. You just did not know this. They kept that part secret.

[@randombish103]

Work on ur self concept, eft tapping, affirmations, subliminals, its all about putting energy into urself rather than constantly seeking something. High frequency guru & dylan james on KZbin have soo many videos that i think will help u ❤

[@Janet-x6r]

Have you joined Meetup they have activities local to your area.

[@ashalia11]

This is a great tip! I will look into it!! Thank you!

[@careducation2349]

Hang in there

[@ashalia11]

Thank you!! 🩷

[@GenevaJculla15]

I would suggest just trying to find a guy friend not in a romantic way but so that there is so much less pressure just take it slow and it can turn into more

[@ashalia11]

It's hard to find guy friends!! Haha!! I feel like a lot of my interests don't appeal to guys which makes it more difficult! But you're right, it's easier when then pressure of "potential live interest" is not there!!

[@ginalawrence1626]

Hey girl. Listen I get it. Things can seem hopeless and overwhelming and when it’s for longer than you like or can tolerate it feels even worse. I won’t bore you with cliches. I don’t think you need to change anything about you and anyone who suggests that is a $&@! (lol I know you don’t cuss). My honest and only suggestion is to explore other avenues of dating. And be brave! From someone with significant and sometimes irrational anxiety I know that’s super hard. Also I’m a tad older than you and not much on social media so I probably sound outdated to these kids out here but, what about speed dating or take a cooking class as a single. Look up places in your area and I know there has to be at least one thing. And yes I said do it alone. I’m about to be 44 and I can remember meeting people at bars, bowling alley, etc for my very early 20’s. Since about 25 I’ve done mostly online dating and it’s disheartening how disconnected people are. I want this for you! From what I see you are a good person and you deserve better than anyone has shown you. Anywho I’ve rambled enough but just try! ❤

[@ashalia11]

Thank you!! I definitely need to learn how to be brave when it comes to this stuff! I have looked into speed dating but there doesn't seem to be anything local enough! A cooking class is a good idea (for more than just dating purposes, haha!) I'm going to search for some!! Thank you for your suggestions!! 🩷

[@Rodneyevolving]

Maybe the guys that you turn down are those that actually wants to be with you... remember back in high school we all know where we are sitting in the cafeteria? Jocks sit at the jocks table. Cheerleaders sit at their table, drama kids sit at their table... we all have our table, now if you want to sit at a different you have to change 5hings about you un order to be able to sit at those other table

[@Rodneyevolving]

No it's not about losing weight

[@ashalia11]

There probably are some that I've turned down that have wanted to be with me. I dont want to be with someone just to be with them, I want it to be special!! I think it's important that both people want to be with the other without forcing anything!!

[@Maine-LyChris]

👏 “ lonely “ lol

[@ShannonAlexis96]

hugs 🫂I struggle to talk to strangers too! it seems like everyone is lonely but society keeps pushing us farther apart.

[@ashalia11]

Unfortunately, this is true! I just have to have hope that everything will circle back around and we can all come back together again!!

[@nadjap5218]

Sending you lot's of 🫂🫂🫂 And I'm so sorry that I'm soooo late at commenting and watching your videos! I hope you know that you can always message me if you need someone to talk to!! ❤

[@ashalia11]

You never have to be sorry!!! Sending lots of hugs right back at you!!! 🩷