I Have Vitiligo, Low Self-Esteem, and Depression

I Have Vitiligo, Low Self-Esteem, and Depression: Being transgender often brings with it low self-esteem and depression. Add a skin condition like vitiligo to the mix and it’s easy for me to feel unattractive and unworthy of love.
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Instagram: / melodymaia
Twitter: / maiamonet

[@annagitana1]

I know this is from a long time ago but you've got a lot to cope with. That you're still standing is a testament to your strength: Being transgender. Coming out. Transitioning. Divorce. Raising a child. Skin condition. (Raises hand) Operations. Depression. That's a lot. It's okay if it gets too much sometimes. Your positivity is incredible and a gift to others. But you're allowed to need help yourself sometimes. Hope you're doing excellent now.

[@NigeriaHammad7]

No matter what just make sure you take care of yourself. I love your videos and you and everything about you!

[@erica1529]

Maia, please don’t stop your channel. I love you and love your videos. Watching you is like a breath of fresh air.

[@melodymaia]

+Erica Sugden I don’t think I will. I just need a break. I’ll take the next two weeks to regroup and recover. Thank you for your kind words.

[@aprilsmithbaby13]

👏🏻👏🏻👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼❤️

[@serajali5659]

Erica Sugden I agreed

[@blumpkinator5000]

thank you for sharing this. some days are really hard, I hope things have been better but you are so strong and comforting. Even though this has been a sad video it's almost like getting a hug and not feeling as alone. Love you

[@GARVENONE]

I was forced to live in the wrong Gender for 55 years - now 60 - I'm a retired Longshore out of Vancouver Canada - been transitioning for 25 year's - now I will do it - My time here on Earth is short - wish I had 35 years maybe at 25 years old in this year 2018 - lost my whole adult life because of society in the 60's up to the early 90's , no relationships , parents grew up in the 1930''s , could never say a damn thing , different era - you have a good soul and can sing - take it on the chin like in the rough Longshore world I worked in.

[@melodymaia]

Glad you have found the strength to live your truth. Although I would rather not do anything like a longshoreman. I can’t imagine what that must have been like. I’ll do it as the strong woman I know I am.

[@lawrencescales9864]

It's incredibly common, and I just want to say how wonderful you are ❤️🙏🏼

[@jessicabrock3220]

feel better

[@nikik2302]

Ahww good for you that you've made that appointment! Tbh I noticed the discoloration on your hands before but it doesn't shock me. I know lots of people that have that. Its like almost normal. Bet not alot of people care and think the same way.. hope you can see it that way too.. 😙

[@graycelowe7641]

[@rickywilliams7961]

Maia. You're the most inspiration woman I've ever met. Go back to therapy, I'll helped to put your mind at ease. Just like you I'm wearing you shoes. You see Maia I'm suffering with a brain tumor but there are days that I really want to end all but God spoke to me in a gentle voice to not to worry but accept it. I'm his child and I accept what God allowed to conquer my fears and my trust in him not MAN. God will give you Refuge to conquer your pain. Don't ever doubt him...he's always there you you...Trust..Believe..!!! 🙏

[@fjordsi7404]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. Lots of LGBT people struggle with mental illness, including many KZbinrs. Also add transphobia and homophobia, its so hard to deal with. You are not alone. I hope the depression cloud lifts soon and therapy helps ❤ You are enough and worthy of love.

[@psychedforlife7176]

The depression will pass. 💖🕊 I can understand being too hard on myself and struggling with weight issues also. Not to mention being afraid of being alone Ive been single for 4 years while Ive working on self love and improvement. Btw Your facial skin complexion is gorgeous! Thank you for sharing it helps to not feel alone.😌

[@clumpsofmascara]

Hi! Okay, this is going to sound SO weird but I really love watching you. I came across your videos a few months ago because I wanted to be more educated on issues facing those in the trans community. I was ignorant as hell to so many things and you have taught me soooooooo much. I even thought about sending you a message asking if we could hang out (I'm in Orlando, too) for lunch but didn't want to come off as creepy or appearing as if I wanted you to be my "trans friend". I don't know...all I know is I love your spirit, will continue to support you and really appreciate your vulnerability. Sending you lots of love and hoping you can get through this rough patch. I just came out of one and I absolutely know the feeling. Also, don't let me find anyone talking badly about your beautiful skin. They will catch these hands.💕

[@melodymaia]

+Clumps of Mascara thank you hon. If you ever come out to Southern Nights and see me, come up and say hi. I’ll be premiering my short film, Transgender Whiplash, on 10/7/17 at 10pm at Southern, so I’ll for sure be there then.

[@clumpsofmascara]

DONE!

[@melodymaia]

+Clumps of Mascara thank you so much! I’m very flattered. I’ve looked through some of your videos too! Maybe we could meet for lunch one day.

[@serajali5659]

Clumps of Mascara u r gorgeous

[@stevenasdfggjjl7935]

💕 sending you a big hug 💕

[@dee72472]

Maia, Please don't stop putting videos on your channel. I love watching your videos and your journey of life. I'm so glad that you made the appointment to see your doctor. You're a beautiful person inside and out and really enjoy listening to you. You are a beautiful ray of sunshine ☀️. Huge hugs 🤗

[@melodymaia]

+Daisy Rivera thank you. I’m not going to stop I don’t think, but not this week. I do need a little vacation. I’ll be back in a couple weeks though.

[@lisamurillo4413]

This was raw not bad but felt really heartfelt. If have Lupus have lost a bunch of hair gone frome the top of my head I hate it. It made myself just live with it for weeks it was hard I felt like I had a glowing bald spot. no easy answer but I guess we just have to do what we feel makes us feel good. for me black powder to cover for you makeup. but for myself I love to hear and watch your videos you are so real. please keep strong and know you are so beautiful strong and quite a singer.

[@melodymaia]

+Lisa Murillo thank you. I’ve had friends with Lupus. My best to you.

[@emilywarner167]

My depression is usually tied to giving a little too much of myself to the world. Take the time you need.

[@kymberlym.d.a.collier2896]

I am very new to transitioning; only about five months and you have helped me more than I can put into words. If I ever get the chance to meet you, I would give you the biggest hug that I can muster and a great big kiss on the cheek. You are an amazing inspiration to me and a lot of other transwomen. I love you and you channel. You have helped give me the confidence to be my most authentic self. I actually even went to a party last night and I would not have been emotionally able to do that if not for you. Pleaseup the great work.

[@melodymaia]

I'm glad my videos have helped you. You should be proud of yourself that you have mustered the courage to be your authentic self.

[@larsandersfrolich7229]

Keep your head up sweetheart! I love all your videos and look forward to all your new posts! You have been a great help for me with my transition, and making me more positive with my situation. Thank you Melody!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@hatchmando4918]

Glad you are taking care of yourself. For anyone needing mental help in the US (even with no insurance), you can dial 211 and explain your situation and they will give you some direction. They will list free places you can go. I think it's run by the united way and I've found you can ask just about anything and they will help find a resource to refer you. Maia Im sorry of your struggles. I just found your channel. I find you very likable. I bet you'd be a great friend. I hope you have some that are good friends to you as well. Depression is no fun. Reaching out for help is a lot of the battle. Glad ur getting help❤️ PS i don't see any vitiligo on your face. I see the other spots. Im sure that's upsetting to you. I get that. Just so you know... sure I notice it, but it's one of those things that catch your eye and then you move on. (Like a nose, an eye color, etc). So hang in there

[@ambermartin8748]

I hate when depression starts to roll it's way in, much like storm clouds casting their shadows upon the land below them. I can always tell when it first starts, I'm filled with worry, and I never know how long it is going to last, but I do know it always *always* passes. I'm glad you know that as well Melody, just keep on hanging on. I always love it when I see a video of yours pop up, you make excellent content and are very relatable. It saddens me to see you going through this, depression is such a pita, and I wish society would make a pill that actually works to kick it's behind - and did not require a commitment of using it every day. I look forward to seeing more videos of yours =) Thank you for uploading them, the very least I can do as repayment, is to send a little ascii magik your way :) (((hugs!))) Virtual hugs, they are powerful voodoo :)

[@Kerri36982]

Maia, you have seen the signs and done the right thing by making an appointment to see a professional, please take time for yourself and put your own needs first. We will still be here for you when you come back to KZbin and until that day we wish you all the very best. As regards your vitiligo I can understand how you would feel like that but you are not unattractive quiet the opposite in fact because I like many others I m sure can see from your videos that you are a very beautuful woman on the inside and outside. Remember to surround yourself with loved ones who love you for you not what you are. Love from Ireland xxx

[@melodymaia]

+Kerri Louise Henderson thank you hon.

[@moto865]

You are so beautiful. Thank you so much for all your hard work. Your videos have helped me with my transition. I thought I was alone too (at times), remember that you are not alone and you are loved. Thanks you.

[@centaur1a]

Hang in there. Nothing is guaranteed to be all happiness or beautiful. “We all have moments too”. Just remember you have friends to talk to and maybe chocolate cake to eat(well that part is more of me) too. Just remember that it could be a lot worst. Take care. Hope to hear how your doing.

[@TheaBabyGirl19]

Wow I truly relate to this. I too have struggled with my weight all my life. I have had eating disorders and clinical depression. I know what its like to feel the way you've described in this video. I just want to say that you are so much stronger than you know. The fact that you saw the need to seek help shows how strong you are and you are beautiful. Keep your head up and continue to slay darling :) Thea loves you

[@TheStevenc819]

It never hurts to hear "you are valued". Like myself you are your own worst critic, and I understand, but remember you have gone through more in these years than most go through in a lifetime. With that said, you have respect and love from so many people. You're intelligent, attractive and articulate better than many people I know. I bet the the right person is out there for you, be strong, believe in yourself as I believe in you and there is no way you can not succeed.

[@sykoTomBoy]

Don’t over think. All of us have those things that makes us feel like trash. Focus on the good stuff. Your hair your smile you features your breast your waste ... you have so much to show for, why are you ignoring all of that? We love you sweetheart.

[@jomarakabori5059]

I love your video's Greetings from the Netherlands🤗

[@serajali5659]

Jomara Kabori hello

[@girl-in-progress6702]

Hang in there my dear, you are a fantastic person and your videos really inspire me a lot; go ahead and take a break if you need to but please keep your mind busy with other things and trust that you will feel better sooner or later, hugs!! -Lexi

[@aprilsmithbaby13]

My ex(still friends) has the same condition and on her face there's a big red area and maybe u could look at it the same way as she does. She says she's unique to people.

[@gabyhagemann3319]

I hope you feel better soon,Maia! *hugs*

[@merlinsk1]

We love you Melody, you have helped me and I feel very bad for you this video. I have been clinically depressed most of my life.

[@jennifermorgan6913]

Hugs and empathy sweets

[@karinsamantha9027]

You are a beautiful woman. Truly pay no attention as difficult as it is you truly are beautiful. :)

[@shellsfacebook]

You are beautiful! Your are enough! Sending hugs....

[@darylb51978]

I really hope you feel better. You seem like a really nice person. Much love. Take care.

[@rlipper26]

You're not fat nor ugly. You're beautiful in your heart and mind.

[@ggie-qo6sw]

some people can see right threw the skin and into your heart to find the beauty!

[@sakshamjain4667]

please dont stop please u literally prevented me from suscide lots of loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeend thank you love from a non binary vitilligan from india

[@HealingInsideMyMind]

❤❤❤❤ I wish there was a hug gif or emoji on here!!

[@kristinaolson3963]

Melody, you are loved and appreciated. Each installment makes me feel good and you need to know you are a special woman. You are not a failure! You are a wonderful person. Keep going, you are amazing and an inspiration to many people like me. You are right, never compare yourself to others. The skin thing. It makes you unique and special. I have a similar skin condition that is rare so I know how you "might" feel. When you find the right person, they will cherish it and love you all the more for it. Finally, remember you are amazing to so many people - myself included. Hugs

[@serajali5659]

Kristina Olson hello

[@TheMichaelis7]

Thank you for sharing about your battle with low self-esteem and depression. I've watched your videos over and over again, so I don't know when this video was made but I sincerely hope that you are okay. Yes, I just found the date on the page below your video. I love your videos because you are so darn honest. You are answering questions that we only dream of asking but are dying to know about. As a pre-op transgender woman I can relate to you on so many levels. Especially the fear and the feelings of being alone. You exude the feeling that if I were in one of my lonely and unloved moments I could write to you and find a degree of solace knowing you would write back. Yes, trans women have the same body and emotional issues that cisgender women have but squared. A woman who is born a woman always knowing she is a woman forges ahead using her womanhood as a base for her identity. We don't have that base and so transwomen always seem to be living on a base of quicksand that can crumble at any moment. But as an Episcopal bishop once told me; being gay or lesbian or transgender is a gift from God. No one would willing choose to have these gifts, but God has given them to us nevertheless. I looked at him in query and he finished with,"because God doesn't make junk". I don't know if this will help you but I started therapy 18 years ago for a period of four years, then I was sent to an MD for hormones. Fifteen years past and I returned to my therapist because my transgender feelings were becoming overwhelming. NO, I had not yet transitioned. The fear and absolute terror of the loneliness kept me from giving up my old life and beginning anew. People don't understand the fear transwomen experience. It's akin to standing and looking down past your feet and seeing the gates of Hell. Once false move and you will lose your footing. It took another year and a trip to France to recapture my childhood that I discovered that once my feelings of being transgender were separated from adult sexual feelings later in life that I realized fully and completely that I was transgender. It was the discovery that I knew I was transgender long before the hormones kicked in at puberty. I guess all I'm saying is to hang in there and trust your therapist.

[@melodymaia]

+TheMichaelis7 thank you and very well said. Evey day is a battle with my demons. I am not different than any other trans woman.

[@christelblake8185]

Sorry your feeling down. I wish I could give you a big hug and make it all better. I have never commented on You Tube before. I just wanted to reach out to you and let you know you have changed my life for the better. I am a huge fan and love your channel. I have been working on my transition for 4 years now and just got started on hormones 3 weeks ago. I am so excited. I am 43 and really love seeing you and your topics. I relate to a lot of your topics growing up with the same issues. Thank You for all you do. I really look up to you and you will always be one of my Heros. I think your Beautiful. I hope one day to meet you. I wish you lots of love. Kylie

[@melodymaia]

+Kylie Blake thank you for reaching out. Congratulations on starting your medical transition and good luck!

[@CJ-kd7uq]

Self love is the best love there is

[@kaylamontes8744]

I appreciate this video

[@mmustarastas940]

Hugs and love.

[@flutist9986]

My beautiful Maia I think taking a break is sometimes needed and we support and understand... I know I told you quite a few videos back that I too suffer from depression and watching your vids, seeing that smile, hearing that voice of yours and laughing and admiring your personality makes me feel a little better and you have no idea just how many others feel that way about you and we appreciate you. I wish you the best my dear friend ... I can't believe your movie is in the works!!! Don't forget about San Francisco Maia .. we love our independent films😁 you are beautiful and loved!!

[@flutist9986]

One more thing that helps me Maia ... are you a Disney film lover? Do you know Finding Nemo? There is a line Dori says that I repeat when I feel like giving up or in one of my many rides on my depression roller coaster ... "just keep swimming" this simple cute little jingle Dori would say speaks volumes to me !!! And I say it and remember her and I try to look towards the positive which of course is easier said than done I know ... but this is just one of my tools and wanted to share it with you or at least make ya chuckle 🙃🙃

[@melodymaia]

+flutist9986 I live in Orlando, and may or may not work for the mouse, so yes I’m familiar. 😄 Thank you.

[@inafriendly6309]

As we all visit that dark place within ourselves on an all to frequent basis 😔, your brave honesty is valuable: Being 60 years old and still not out can make watching the many videos of young successfully transitioned girls pretty hard (and shop for another pair of heels for the "never to see the light of day" 👠 collection in the attic!) Thank you so much for making videos that truly helps us all feel just a little more "normal" ❤️

[@melodymaia]

+Ina Friendly you’re welcome.

[@serajali5659]

Hello ina

[@mac19751]

Your channel has certainly helped me. I hope you get past the dark times you are in now. I have been there myself and it is not a good place. Take care of yourself.

[@daniellasnijders7468]

you are such a beautiful person 💝🙏🏼

[@melodymaia]

+Daniëlla Snijders thank you.

[@boristokarev9170]

Thank you for sharing Maia. That was very brave of you an much appreciated! I wish you to feel better soon and keep up the good fight! You look amazing and the vitiligo does not make you any less beautiful or attractive in my humble opinion. Very-very excited for your film! Can't wait! Much love

[@minimochi2206]

I also have vitiligo as well. I've always had self esteem issues, especially with my weight. I'd been teased a lot through out school, never had boyfriends. Then at around 20 I noticed a tiny white spot on my knuckle and it didn't go away then another popped up. I went to a doctor and he just said sorry but you have vitiligo, there's not much we can do. He said I was lucky because im very pale, so it's not as noticeable as it would be on someone with a darker complexion. Which didn't make me feel any better. Because even if people don't notice it right away, I do. It's mainly been on my hands and stomach but now it's spread to my face, legs, back and chest, even some of my eyelashes are white. It's getting harder and harder to cover up. I've had people ask me if it's contagious, especially when I was working with food. Some people didn't want to be near me because of their ignorance towards vitiligo. So I get ya.. on that it's frustrating and messes with your head.

[@melodymaia]

+Buggie Marie a Doctor once said something similar to me. Worst thing you can say I think.

[@amitkakade4647]

Yes I too have vitiligo... And I'm 18.... A male... And I'm suffering from depression and low self esteem....

[@amitkakade4647]

Yes I too have vitiligo... And I'm 18.... A male... And I'm suffering from depression and low self esteem And worst... I got rejected...

[@TheAugustineMachine]

to you. Your perspective is SO appreciated, and self-care is crucial. Glad you are getting some deeper mirroring this week. So much of what you said here resonates deeply with me. Wishing you the best through this rough patch, and I look forward to seeing your film.

[@anncluckey5401]

Hang in there lady....all things are temporary. Just take care of yourself first.

[@scottperman6495]

Hang in there I just be the best you can I don't care who people people think about you people love you for who you are with your heart or your brain God always loves you

[@gordiano1204]

You are such a strong person and brave for letting us know what going on in your life and how your feeling. Stay strong hun ❤️ Oh and I think I saw you at southern nights..? Please tell me that was you 🙈

[@melodymaia]

+Lia Cali last night? Yes probably. I was attending my BFF Ivy’s bday celebration. I ended up on stage photographing the show when the photographer didn’t show up.

[@gordiano1204]

Melody Maia Monet I knew it! I wanted to ask if I could get a picture but I was super super super shy! ☺️ you looked amazing !

[@melodymaia]

Awww, thank you. And don't be shy. I would have been flattered. I should be there the next two Saturdays too. Especially on 10/7/17 because I'll be premiering my short film, Transgender Whiplash, at 10PM in the Southern Nights theater.

[@gordiano1204]

For sure ! I won’t be next time!! And I will be there that day to watch the film! Can’t wait to meet you! Hopefully I won’t get shy at the last minute. I thought I saw you taking pictures. ❤️ hopefully your having a great night! Stay strong !

[@jenamajor5775]

I so feel you, @maia, I feel the swell of emotions. All loves from here.

[@gennamichelleferguson3554]

*hugs* Maia, I'm 51years old and two months into hrt. I really admire the way you keep it real in your videos...even the depressing times...thanks...keep on keeping on !

[@esmenhamaire6398]

Big hugs, Maia. You're an amazing lass, and I can't imagine what it must be like going through the ups and downs of life and putting it out there to the world on social media as well. Depression can be overcome, though, and may deity grant that you manage to, and soon. xx

[@AppalachianTransman]

I love your heart. You've had a tough road, and I know I don't know the half of it, but I really appreciate you putting yourself out there and being real with your audience. Take care of yourself. Thanks again for sharing this with us.

[@destinycruz7276]

I love this video.

[@FrancesBedoya89]

You're an inspiration! Stay strong and never look back!

[@Bloody_Corpses]

I get self conscious I am a trans man and I never had a girlfriend at all and I'll be 22 and I know because I am unlovable and not attractive I pretty much gave up and make my body better. Melody your very pretty so I know you won't be alone for long

[@melodymaia]

Nobody is unloveable hon. It’s not about our outer beauty. It’s about how we feel about ourselves. If it makes you feel better, I was 21 before I even kissed a girl. It can take us awhile to mature into who we were meant to be. You’ll get there.