The EARLY WARNING SIGNS You're Dating A Narcissist & How They FOOL YOU! | Dr. Ramani

[@LisaBilyeu]

What was your favorite insight that Dr. Ramani shared?

[@sprock4chick]

Literally all of them. She is absolutely incredible! So knowledgeable and has helped me personally SO much. I could never thank her enough x

[@user-vn9sh6hv8r]

Liked this before even watching - i love that you got her on your show! She's a godsend and a blessing and is helping so many people with her work, myself included. Can't wait to watch this discussion now 😊🙏💓

[@jamiepatton9334]

I want more of her! I could listen to her for hours...she is so calming!

[@user-vn9sh6hv8r]

@@cascade00 that's a strangely patronising comment to make about someone who clearly knows her own boundaries based on a tonne of lived experience... 🤔

[@trinity6764]

That you can ask for clarification if a person critisize you .At times I just shut down and get sort of overwelmed in my personal relationships .Like it is a catastrophe and they don't love me .This will keep me more grounded and objective I think.And it will be easier to listen and understand exactly what they mean, intended and wanted with what they say.

[@jolesliewhitten6545]

Narcissists don’t get better. They get worse and worse. When you see what they are, plan quietly and run.

[@rac1030]

Agreed with you 100%, the more you stay with a narcissist, the more she/he become worse and worse.

[@annd1411]

Is this something you’ve read or experienced? Can you explain why you’ve said this?

[@jolesliewhitten6545]

@@annd1411 , stupid me. I married TWO of them-almost was killed by number 2. I askedGod to show me what to do to keep safe. Two days later a lady at work gave me the book titled BOUNDARIES. Now I’m with a normal, sweet good man!

[@artsmadz1427]

@@jolesliewhitten6545 you were not stupid. I dated one and hit dumped a week before wedding - thank God first bullet dodged in 2019, that one was grandiose. Then second one was a covert narc navy officer who ghosted me. He’d been with a grandiose narc. Both narcs so they lasted a while than the 1.5-2yr mark the narc has had with everyone else. I called myself stupid too but no we were not. We were kind, compassionate, caring, feeling human beings who know how to love, to give more, to out others needs into consideration and we are capable of building deep meaningful relationships with normal people. So not stupid at all. We did not know. Narcs are clever especially the covert use and discard types. God discards them out of our lives, these narcs don’t discard us. So we are healed. We move on with blessings. So sad the narcs are stuck in their loops especially the covert narcs and they try to hang around the rich and more entitled just so they feel good about themselves. There is no value or morals or ethics. So please you are a caring good person! Be aware and run away from narcs, heal and live and thrive well ❤️

[@jolesliewhitten6545]

@@artsmadz1427 , I’m so GLAD you are safe and free. Blessings on your life, Kind Lady!

[@leighn.8670]

When you are called "too sensitive" that IS gaslighting, period - it is an attempt to invalidate your experience. Everyone is allowed to feel whatever they want, to be as sensitive as they want. Don't ever let anyone make you feel like you are too anything!

[@en2336]

As someone who is called too sensitive often, I think it's still important to keep in mind NOTHING is black and white. There are times when my experience is invalidated; there are other times when I'm being irrational and need the tough love to put my big girl pants on. Having emotional maturity isn't the patriarchy , although sometimes I do have to tell my boyfriend he can't have his disrespectful military crassness when communicating with me :)

[@osirispluto8782]

@@canecorsomom2023If every gesture or statement triggers someone then that's taking everything personally. It isn't sensitivity or being overly sensitive that's the problem. It's taking everything personally that's the issue.

[@Judyjlefebvre]

So called friends and family have said this to me. They just don't get how to be kind. I refuse to associate with ppl who minimize your feelings and have no empathy or understanding. You DON'T KNOW what others have gone through, so just be kind. NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU EITHER! .

[@francesbernard2445]

True. There is a big difference between taking offense easily and being a sensitive caring person feeling hurt while needing to ask why someone is behaving badly.

[@syrenaxhaferi7278]

Had a friend who was female who would say your too sensitive when she was being a b but visa versa she was Soo sensitive ...she's married with 3 kids....men seem to respect her personality type more see it as intelligent...not deceptive

[@tajipershard257]

My ex-husband yelled, “What about you? What about what you did?” What I did was react to his bad behavior in the relationship.

[@BlessedWithEight]

I get it.

[@tajipershard257]

@@BlessedWithEight thanks

[@tajipershard257]

@Sag deine Meinung auch pol it still hurts because I had a whole future planned with him. He was my husband and like most people in relationships with children you dream of the time you can spend with your spouse when the kids grow up.

[@allysonf419]

So classic! My ex continued to pretend that he was actively seeking sobriety and going to AA meetings but the reality was that he really had never embraced sobriety completely and had kept his options open but he liked to look as though he were trying to be sober or was sober. He basically used those AA meetings as a social activity for himself and occasionally pursued other women there. After years of so-called relapsing which was really nothing more than him giving himself permission to drink again, and again, and again, and disappearing for 3 weeks into a drunken stupor and not communicating with me pretty much every other month, I finally called him out on it and his lies which he continued to tell. At which point he immediately said, and this is great, well anyone who is drunk and faces a barrage of questions (I had only asked him 2 questions both to which he lied) is going to lie including me. Then he promptly added, and you're not all that perfect either! That was the straw that broke this camel's back! After five years of putting up with his BS I was done! I will never give anyone else that much of my life. At the first red flag I'm gone

[@seresi]

@@tajipershard257 I hear you. Similar feeling here. Sending light, peace of mind and clarity your way.

[@ThornyRoseV]

One clear behaviour is that when they hurt you they tell you that you are overreacting and emotional and turn it around and act like they are the victim because of how you reacted.

[@Sarablueunicorn]

Exactly

[@fatcatontario]

True. I had demons of my own and things gotten physical in our arguments because he laid his hands on me before and he always used to throw it in my face. How crazy and unstable I am. I even started therapy and attending anger management all the while he landed in jail for beating our neighbor to a pulp.

[@rahmasamir909]

Or they told u is a joke

[@teresafrancis8289]

Yep

[@lililululalabooboo]

So true. My narc-ex would always tell me I choose to be sad when he made me cry with his hurtful words and treatment.

[@TeaLaRee]

Once you survive narcissistic abuse you can survive anything 💯. Set your boundaries and NEVER allow someone to disrespect you. ❤ Mine was a religious malignant and the key was moving too fast, pushing and overly sensitive to criticism or given a NO. If someone reacts badly to a no or disagreement from you but says you are their soulmate from the beginning stages RUN. This 3 month relationship had me in therapy for a year because of the mind F of it. Do YOUR inner work.

[@kynathomas4809]

I once knew a religious narcissists and she was insane with tons of failed relationships romantically and platonic.

[@maried7776]

1.5 yrs. I had to get away...the mind F is real girl.

[@try8042]

Same! Stayed for a decade because many people( his religiousfamily) that I thought I could trust was gaslighting on behalf of the narcissist. I'm just glad that when I finally went to a religious leader in my church did he tell me to go because of abuse. Best decision of my life!

[@fatcatontario]

So glad you got out! Just ended a year long nightmare with mine...he is also a religious malignant who dragged me through sexual, physical, and emotional abuse...he even beat up our beighbor and is now facing jail time. I am so sorry I have ever allowed him into my life.

[@grahamhaynes2682]

@@fatcatontario So sorry you had to go through that. I ended a year long with a woman that I couldn't believe she was truly like this. She kept saying she was hurt from her last relationship and give her time. She kept getting worse, minimizing, devaluing, and gaslighting. I finally realized she only cared for the love I gave her, not me. I survived but its tough.

[@Cutest1TheGame]

My favorite powerful quote from this interview was that in healthy communication about a conflict, there has to be respect, empathy and clarity on both sides of the conversation.

[@wisdomdantecourt8179]

Yes, yes, YES!!!!!👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@bbfleur4736]

Yesssss!!! Just had a conversation with a SUPER narcissist this evening. Every moment they could get - they explained how all of the problems are MY fault - no respect, clarity, or empathy in any manner at all. There’s not even a conversation with a true narcissist, only proving themselves right!!!

[@Cutest1TheGame]

@@bbfleur4736 Correct! It's not a dialogue, but a monologue. An attempt to persuade you to not see them from your perspective, but to see them from their perspective. In other words, gaslighting you out of your own reality.

[@alaaaaa4132]

So good, I pined that on twitter.

[@Megdracula]

Exactly it’s not about winning it’s about hearing both points of view

[@breatheliveandthrive7404]

common trait of narcissism both male and female is they are quick to mock and pinpoint people's physical flaws! This really enrages me to the core.

[@shubhisharma4261]

I have come to appreciate their poisonous nature.. they just tell you very clearly( infact yell at top of their voice)that they are extremely unhealthy ppl to be around n tht you should stay away from them.

[@Tarotcooks]

💯👏👏👏

[@catlady6938]

@@shubhisharma4261 my ex told me in the beginning he was not normal and messed up in the head, I should have listened to him then I would not have ended up in a relationship with a narcissist. I finally came to my senses and ended it but what a roller coaster ride!

[@Sophie-uc8vp]

My ex started to lay the groundwork for devaluing me on my physical appearance very early in our relationship. I'd lost weight and he lightly commented that it looked great as to be honest the first thing he'd originally noticed about me was that my legs were too thick 😳 that set the stage. I then lost tons of weight through profound ill health and then I was 'hot' to him. Then I put on 6lbs and he told me 'I preferred you they way you used to look'. Of course when I brought this up he was 'joking' later on I put back on all the weight I lost and because of these two very intentional comments I was utterly paranoid he thought I was unattractive. Needless to say positive comments on my appearance ceased. I ended up with a very disordered attitude to my body and food from this that took literally years to get over. They know exactly what they are doing and saying, they know exactly how to undermine your self confidence.

[@meadowc6058]

Oh I got a better one how about when they say you are their type and they love you’re body only to go with someone the complete opposite of you and in fact a huge step down. They don’t always use words sometimes it’s actions to purposely hurt you.

[@j.munday7913]

One thing I weirdly love about Dr. Ramani is how her hair is always kind of a mess. It feels comfortable to me in a way, like you're talking to a wise aunt who just woke up but you're her #1 priority to help.

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

Same!!

[@betsysuetrueman3532]

I'm not sure she will truly appreciate that "compliment"..😅

[@TopgunOD]

Lmfao I love this simile

[@gravessk]

Not a mess, just normal hair that has not been professionally styled and created for effect. :-)

[@stephaniemartinez9784]

She is so real and beautiful

[@sunshinedayz7032]

Narcissists think that they are never wrong. They think that the issue or issues are always someone else. They will never give in. So, if you have a tendency to self reflect and think that it could possibly be your fault, you will always take the blame and the responsibility., they will push the blame to you.Then the cycle begins. They blame and you take all of the responsibility. So sad. This breaks us down. It breaks down our boundaries and our self esteem.

[@Misssixty510]

Yes ♥️

[@teresewoltz8627]

They are big projectors and spin doctors too, I should have seen it first day. I was told about him, I chose not to believe, big mistake

[@elizabethortiz2571]

So True. I experienced that!😧😬😲😣😵😢😈💔

[@maried7776]

YES!

[@maried7776]

@@teresewoltz8627 me as well

[@diva1675]

I’m in middle of trying to escape my malignant narcissist husband. The abuse is terrible, especially when he makes everyone think you’re crazy. I don’t care anymore if ppl think i’m nuts, i getting out and not looking back.

[@ThornyRoseV]

Good for you ❤ I was in a on off relationship for a decade with a narcissist. His actions convinced me no one would want me but now im with the most wonderful, thoughtful and kind man, something I thought wasnt possible in real life, certainly not for me. You'll never know unless you leave.

[@kynathomas4809]

@@ThornyRoseV This gives me so much hope. 💞

[@JodySugarspringerdoodles]

Please do as quickly as you can!!

[@bq1424]

While you’re waiting to escape don’t share his yuckie bedroom. Get your own and lock the door.

[@charlotte_stevens]

I hope you are doing well. Love to you 💖🥰💖

[@fracturedfairytales24]

“Education about Narcissism is so important”🎯🎯🎯💜

[@essence7423]

Yes, to be able to spot it immediately when you notice it in the future. Can also go down a rabbit hole with video after video or book after book😯

[@kimgibbs6585]

Had I known about narcissism. I would had made better choices.

[@amanita1964]

@@kimgibbs6585 Better late than never. But I agree it is a blessing to have so much information available nowadays :)

[@MotivationalStormvideos]

@kzbin.info/www/bejne/rJaTomlop8Sqq6M

[@reginaanim8287]

This behaviour almost finished me through my husband

[@deak1deak1]

"Secure people don't lash out constantly at others"

[@heide-raquelfuss5580]

I lash out on people who have bad intentions, are manipulative, hidden agendas, want to make use of me, damage me or my son or our dog. The acumulation of fuckery that happened during my entire life made me lashing out, because i detect people with toxic behavior. I am done with 95% of people. I just can not deal with people like that anymore. Hole my life i was abused, used, conned, deceived, robbed by people, 100 traumatic experiences. My lufe is ruibed by people. I was a very sensitive child. Feeling everything...The suffering of people. A giver. Empathetic to the core, shy, easy manipulated and used. Now, i am a hard sarcastic, cynical person. I am losing my empathy for people. Only my love for animals is left and the only thing that matters. But yes, i lash out as soon i realize somebody is fucking with me again. I am shocked how many people have shitty characters. They are everywhere. I am suffering with CPTSD. I am on invalidity long time ago and people use and abuse me anyway. They just would use even dead bodies. Bless you.

[@daifukurinn]

She did say very few people fall into that category. I definitely do not. As mentioned with a previous commenter, I lash out typically if I'm triggered by someone's toxic behavior (been in too many abusive situations). I've had a few psychologists tell me to look into borderline personality disorder, aka "I've been through some f*ed up things disorder" is how one of those docs called it.

[@daifukurinn]

@Victoria Bergman I'm definitely learning that no one is entitled to anything that is boundary-violating to me. Had to learn how to set healthy boundaries and how people react to that is not my responsibility, which was initially hard being a recovering people-pleaser

[@maried7776]

@Victoria Bergman couldn't agree more

[@beautyfrmwithin]

Dr. Ramani is EVERYTHING!!!!!! She helps so many people who have or are experiencing narcissistic abuse. She has created a safe space for people to be heard. And she gives us so much information about the red flags to watch out for. I adore her!!!!❤️

[@samf.s8786]

I wish there was more about that then trying to understand why they are the way they are. More about their abuse is what I wanted to hear.

[@bringontherainbows8369]

I agree. She is my saving grace😇✨

[@haweyorashid3839]

I have relationship with malignant narcissist which I am planning to get ride of him wish me luck

[@amanita1964]

@@haweyorashid3839 My prayers to you. Keep strong. Much Love.

[@MotivationalStormvideos]

@kzbin.info/www/bejne/rJaTomlop8Sqq6M

[@kessleepayne862]

The part about how the narcissist’s motivation for change is because of their own emptiness versus the hurt they caused someone else is huge!!!

[@otherwaystolive7361]

yes! huuuuuuge!

[@marcussturgeon7151]

I'm not sure how true that is, I was horribly narcissistic in active addiction, In horribly toxic relationships, but my desire to change was because I became everything I hated in the world, and my mother growing up was horribly codependent and narcissist, absent father, completely dysfunctional family, and i don't want my kids to go through what we went through, and I don't want to hurt anyone, so im on an inner healing journey, taking accountability, and trying to actively be a better person. I don't know much about this narcissism stuff or empaths or what but I'm grateful for learning about this stuff, being able to identify with these things and hopefully have healthy relationships in the future.

[@transformwithlev]

Empaths need to be super wary of narcissists because they are manipulative takers that take advantage of kind empathic givers.

[@chefnic4763]

We attract narcissists.

[@SR77736]

@@chefnic4763 true but we need to still be wary and protect ourselves from them with boundaries and other things.

[@chefnic4763]

@@SR77736 Absolutely

[@c.l.9344]

Narcs prey on us empaths. Be discerning and continue to be educated on these topics as well as gaslighting.

[@holliesmommie]

This explains so much. Wow. I'm an empath to the very core of me. Especially with animals and nature. I had dated a very violent narcissist.

[@user-lx4uk5un7s]

"A good way of putting it, is not sensitive to criticism; they are hyper reactive to criticism" @ 14:40

[@samf.s8786]

I would agree that they're hyper reactive, but I disagree regarding the lashing out as that may not be how they choose to react. In fact, they can be very calm and express no emotions, especially when you're gushing about how they violated you. They'll resort to other means of retaliation which involve a more traditional method, their classical manipulation, gaslighting, and tightening their grip on you by making you doubt your critique of them. She never discussed the "mustache twirling variety", an it's ironically that variety that is more of a classic narcissist. Again, it's about making you look bad so that they can look shiny in comparison, it only works in a setting where you let it happen, and other people do believe you when you tell them about what the abuser has been doing, the very thing the abuser wants you to believe won't happen.

[@Sarablueunicorn]

@Victoria Bergman I have to agree. But narcs are able to put on an act and look calm and collected if there's public or they are filming/recording. They might wanna bite your head off but they are not going to do it in front of everyone, they might wait to "get home". The choice to remain calm and show no emotions is already on the psychopathy spectrum, many are very functional.

[@HeatherDMorris]

Set boundaries. If they break them with no regard to your feeling then there ya go !

[@Judyjlefebvre]

Exactly. And understand there is NO GOING BACK. A narcissist never gains insight or responsibility. They just continue throwing knives in your back.

[@KIIINGDAVID1]

I should of done that . Hard when you think you are in love with someone who isn't being real with you

[@vvagmita]

My favourite insight: If someone shows no willingness to make a difference unless there’s some threat or fear of consequence, that relationship is too toxic to endure. It’s a sign that something is not okay. Repeating the same patterns of behaviour day after day even when you see someone burn out before your eyes, is not healthy by any stretch of imagination. I find myself in a really difficult relationship. I’ve noticed that unless I raise the stakes, unless there is fear of a walk-out, there’s not enough motivation to change anything. This is rather childish. People try to course-correct when they see things going wrong. They don’t wait for everything to collapse. If someone wakes up only when you have one foot out of the door, if they’re not attentive and respectful enough to ease all the needless pain, if they repeat the same old cycle until they’re served an ultimatum, things are really, really not okay. This has been the real takeaway from this discussion.

[@singer_the_artistic_genes]

You wrote it so beautifully. I am amazed. Looks very accurate.

[@akosuaoforinyarko6083]

You nailed it! Thank you!

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

I agree. I had a relationship where he wouldn't change a thing unless I told him I was done. He had a pattern of being attentive, warm and loving and then very cold, withholding and negative. I would try to endure the cold withholding for as long as I could but then I would wise up and confront him. He'd make the right sounds, but the behavior wouldn't change. So finally I'd be ready to walk out the door for good and he would come rushing in with his former loving self. He would beg for me to stay. Over time he blamed me for being "toxic" and threatening to leave regularly. I agreed it was toxic but I truly didn't know how else to get my needs met with him. Eventually I realized that he wasn't cut out for an actual relationship. As Dr. Ramani points out, it was because he was playing a game and couldn't have one of his players leaving. He needed to prevent me from leaving. He didn't care about my actual happiness.

[@AndrewTanielian]

“Insecurity that is unprocessed.” is a great and understandable way to put that. This interview is incredibly thoughtful!

[@eiehe93-]

Being with my ex narc for the past 6 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I hired a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!

[@saoirsecohen4521]

22:35 Red Flags 23:15 What I need to do now 21:32 My experience 28:28 How they shut down communication so you can't move forward. 26:30 How to appropriately apologise. What is a healthy apology 24:15 How she tricks me. 18:18 29:55 There is no way forward. 00:30 I am not enough 4:51 Neglectful Narcissists 6:05 Conventional insecurity versus Narcissistic insecurity.

[@iuliac3087]

Thank you

[@sannajohanna5579]

The narcissistic trap is really confusing because when you are not aware of it, it makes you act in weird ways, too. Finally, you see that you do not like yourself at all in that relationship. It, at last, should be a reason to leave.

[@otherwaystolive7361]

well said

[@onstanz]

This is spot on! I never understood why being with this person brought out the worst in me, like no one else...

[@KIIINGDAVID1]

I needed to hear that . Thank you 😊

[@chrissy3684]

@mz. white that’s exactly how I felt. That’s the most terrible feeling! Its literally like being addicted to a drug. I remember just needing to hear his voice even in a negative way to feel better.

[@SC-sm9me]

I feel relief to know i am not the only one! I went from being in shock to tears and then later (I was with him for over ten years) i started fighting back which i feel was probably the fight or flight response. I started feeling I was as bad as him but Inwas so angry! I didnt like who I became when I was with him. It was terrible and has left me working through self shame and self blame.

[@susandickson637]

I've come to call dealing with my past narcissists watering a dead tree ...

[@christianpulisic7784]

Susan Dickson,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🥀,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!

[@sabinagal9953]

Susan Dickson I love this!! Perfect way to think about it

[@A.D.I.I.D.A]

Word ❤

[@deepdiver849]

1- Respect 2-Empathy 3- Clarity

[@holliesmommie]

I dated a malignent narcissist. It was terrifying. I will forever carry a scar from him where I had to get stitches. I'm so happy that small chapter of my life is behind me.

[@shortygreyhannah]

look into microneedling and fibroblasting...self beauty treatments...you might be able to reduce or get rid of the scar over time

[@graciegrace3416]

I have found with narcissist people a very deep hurt and pain and memories that continue to play over and over, they hurt you because they are filled with hurt. They dont know how to love or have empathy because majority of the time that's not what they were shown. They were abused or treated very badly growing up so they reflect this back to others. They think this is powerful but the truth is they are weak, internally very weak and find love a sign of weakness. I have found power in removing the emotion and knowing what they say about you actually has nothing to do with you at all. They want you to feel as bad as them same with bullying. The truth is narcs are miserable unhappy tormented people, I've never envied one and never will, but I feel so sorry for them, I look at them and feel such sorrow that in their heart is just pain. To take the power away from them is to take the emotion out of it completely, don't fall victim to their abuse and then you are the strongest one. Remember any abuser is reflecting their pain back onto you but I assure you it's coming from their own past abuse, narcs are very weak internally, once you understand this you will be set free.

[@Sarablueunicorn]

Just be ware of these key sentences: "You're too sensitive" "You're overreacting" "You're too emotional. Why so emotional?" "You misunderstood what I said." "You're imagining things/you have such a great imagination." "Why don't you calm down?/Just calm down" "You're crazy." "I was just joking. It was just a joke" "Seems like you don't have sense of humor."

[@thehumancheshirecat]

'I was just joking' - oof.

[@krissyhall2838]

I felt that like why you joke about something you don’t mean I also hate when someone is super sarcastic it’s annoying smh???

[@helenprescott8268]

Wow! That's the person I was with, everything you mentioned

[@RAJOHN-ke7mc]

The last two are classics. My response is always, "we have a different sense of humour" That is a perfect line and it stops them in their tracks.

[@stevelangely8004]

@Hilary Maxine James Beware of insults disguised as jokes -- especially if you or someone you love is the butt of the joke.

[@Stephchang-d3l]

Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...

[@Thepath99]

I been there almost the same was horrible . That quote “when man are not eating at home is because most likely they are eating out” it is true.

[@sallybyrd3712]

Sexlessness is definitely a thing but it is not necessarily a Narcissistic thing; some Narcissists are totally the opposite to the point of being overbearing and not respecting the other person needs.

[@matthewcuriel991]

Narcissistic or not ... if the dude in the relationship is controlling the sex with a low sex drive that's a huge issue. Especially if it doesn't match you. Dudes are suppose to have a high drive

[@MsLemon1971]

I briefly dated someone like that. Turns out he preferred the company of men. Hugs to you, glad you're healing.😊

[@RZR-p6x]

Sounds like my ex..🧐

[@theresathompson4719]

There is such a profound level of twisted reality when dealing with a full blown narcissist. I always hated using labels and resisted it as all cost but it is a very different experience in every capacity and no denying when you deal with a true narristic person.

[@aylinlugo8031]

Yes very true

[@Mllascelles1]

Absolutely

[@GodiscomingBhappy]

I keep falling into relationships with narcs... but thanks to Dr Ramani and professionals like her I get out of it rather quickly. Note to self : no second chances, listen to your gut incstinct. God bless you Doctor Ramani.

[@MegaCapricorn76]

I know I’m an empath & I keep attracting narcs😢 but 1 red flag & im out asap

[@samanthamansi1184]

Yes me too x 3

[@ericab8387]

I was dealing with a covert narcissist. I didn’t even know this term existed. I found it by complete accident about two months after leaving the relationship. I knew the textbook definition of a narcissist and it never crossed my mind that he was one because he was so shy and not very social. I went through some very high highs and low lows. Now, all the behaviors make so much sense. I thought it was just his personality or that he was having a bad day.

[@stellantai7239]

I was married to one for 18 years and learned about the word narcissist after I split up with him , until then I didn’t know with what I was dealing with unfortunately

[@essence7423]

Same ..I had never heard of these terms until it started happening to me around 2014 and then saw some of these videos around 2017/18 ...it’s like a lightbulb that this behavior has a name/diagnosis

[@ThimbleFox350]

I had a different experience but also made the excuse that "he was just having a bad day" or "under a lot of stress, being pulled different ways" but the truth is he was just a disgusting person

[@anumer897]

The best way to know if you are with a narcissist or not is if you find yourself doing something or behaving in a manner that you have NEVER EVER DONE before with anyone else. And it's negative.

[@TheFreedPerspective]

Mic drop!👏👏👏 Well said.

[@forensicfaithinprofiling]

Secure people never lash out n always apologize if they do. Reflective. Empathic. Compromising. Apologetic. Thank you for this bc sometimes it's scary to think so many of us survivors who go on to be humanitarians want to do the right thing, but we often question a lot if this is narcissism.

[@XGD5layer]

It's a dicey subject. Just as the section around 34:36 says, a narcissist can lash out and apologize, too. But it's a pattern.

[@forensicfaithinprofiling]

@@XGD5layer I AGREE!!! We survivors believe BEHAVIOR. We survivors don't believe WORDS.

[@krivoli86]

I thought I am in love as I have never been before. The connection he created was so strong. He literally studied me. He knew exactly what he has to say, how to get me. He lied and knew to make me ignore it! I felt like in heaven, never ever I had felt so understood. And all of a sudden things started to change. He almost destroyed me. I was kind of addicted and he was the unpredictable drug. He promised a lot and hardly kept any of it and yet somehow made me believe him and trust him nevertheless. One day he overwhelmed me with love and attention, next day I was ignored and discredited. I wanted him to be happy, I wanted to heal him, to make him whole and be loved back. I could literally see the little boy in him who was hurt so much, seeking desperately to finally find some love. All the while he was neither able to really receive nor give love really. Cold. All the empathy and love he sometimes showed is not real! But his play so convincing! It’s a weird dynamic. I felt more and more worthless, inferior to this grandiose person who was loved by everyone, successful and overly self-confident. I can’t believe that there are still those moments where I feel I would want to run back to a person that made me literally give up my own life, a person who discredited me and made me loose respect of myself. Narcissists are dangerous because they are real and fake at the same time, because their psychological disorder destroy the people close to them who can hardly get away, caught in a spiders net.

[@priscillachavez6466]

This same thing happened to me. He studied me and got to know me inside and out really good, he made me feel like I never felt before. Literally 6 months in He started making me feel awful he ruined me it was ugly. He started speaking to me in a bothered annoying way he started to be little me he twisted everything I’m crazy etc… I’m trying to heal but it’s so hard I feel I lost myself I was a very happy cheerful out going lovely person strong and positive women before all this. I can’t believe I didn’t listen to myself in the beginning I had thought he is too good to be true but I fell for it 😔 I’m trying to get my self back.

[@MaryannMouritz-ir1oj]

Yes, it's very difficult when you see the truth. The "love bombing" is like a powerful drug! A friend told me it was like he had hypnotized me!!!

[@mrscrofford]

I just got rid of one. He was telling me I’m his girl and I like you way too often after just talking to him, not meeting yet for literally two days. I saw it was a replay from the one major mistake I made three years ago. Cut ties with him instantly.

[@Freespiritedqueen]

GOOD JOB!!💪🏽

[@essence7423]

Love bombing ..it’s always too soon from people you don’t really know yet...and now we understand it’s a setup for something else. Narcissistic abuse. Glad you spotted it.🎉

[@ssmith5127]

Wow. My Girl... That just triggered me big time. I had forgotten how quickly he called me that. It was definitely after only a few days of knowing him. I was completely blind to the danger at that time and actually thought it was endearing. It seemed like harmless flirtation. I think the lies and manipulation started around five weeks into dating. The talking over me and interrupting me when I spoke started after about three months. It became so frequent. It was like living with someone who constantly went "squirrel" every time I was talking. I learned to stop expressing my thoughts. He encouraged me to quit my job and move in with him. I did it. I thought it was awesome having someone willing to give me an opportunity to focus on my health. I began to notice he was very compulsive. Want it, get it now. He often showed great inconsideration in public. That was embarrassing for me. He was the guy who rushed into the cashier line that just opened at the store. Leaving the older lady who had been patiently waiting behind him. He would park in front of ramps for the disabled and then take his time getting back to the vehicle. We got flipped off alot by other people. He would pull out in front of oncoming traffic regardless if it made someone need to hit their brakes hard. Rules of polite society didn't seem to apply to him. So many little things you notice that you tried to explain to him why they were wrong in the beginning. And then one day you wake up completely exhausted and empty inside. And you begin to slowly put the pieces together in your mind. And you know...that no one else sees him the way you see him. Everyone else sees the image. The image that pulled you into the crazy world. And a simple phrase like My Girl brings all the memories flooding to the surface. It leaves you feeling like you just climbed off of Space Mountain.

[@mrscrofford]

@@ssmith5127 what you are saying is text book narc behavior. There are some slight differences but it’s like clockwork for the most part. They are all the same

[@staciecs77]

@S Smith-exact situation for me

[@jazwhoaskedforthis]

You can know all this, you can have experience surviving a narc, and still fall for it. Going through narcissistic abuse doesn’t just “make you stronger” or able to spot them flawlessly. Narc abuse can ingrain patterns of self doubt, making excuses for someone, putting your feelings last, questioning your own judgements, etc. It can be difficult to actually ACT on a red flag before things get “bad enough”. The thing is- you don’t need to justify leaving to anyone but yourself. You can leave because you just don’t like how someone makes you feel, you don’t trust them, etc. you don’t need to wait for the narc to show their colors. Especially if they know you’re watching for narc behavior, they’ll try to manipulate you out of your wariness until you’re invested enough and always manipulate things to trap you. I don’t think it’s even necessary to confront a narc with what they are. Just go.

[@sandygrays4066]

Amen amen amen..... Just start running

[@Katrn30]

Thank you for this advice…I am so sick of being taken in by narcs…

[@akosuaoforinyarko6083]

100%

[@bellaluce7088]

TRUTH! "You can leave because you just don’t like how someone makes you feel..." Yes! End of story.

[@catedi3679]

Agreed Just go, My Time and energy too precious,

[@lorettatawney6307]

I spent too many years trying to figure my husband out we are now separated but I would say run run run run I wish I knew then what I know now .Dr. Ramani has validated all the feelings I was feeling but could not articulate. He checks every box!

[@gabriellecjt]

Benefit of the doubt = enabling. Amen. I needed to hear this tonight. Thank you for bringing up this specific example ❤️

[@evka24]

Need tattoo of that on my hand

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

The narcissist who I just discovered had been cheating on me for three years with his boss, tried to ask for the benefit of the doubt within a month of this discovery. He also told me, "believe me" over and over again. They are entitled in almost every way and don't even notice how insane they sound.

[@Yolodiane]

If you say I will stay IF....the person will never change Limit the benefit of doubt Stop being an enabler Do or say you stay or you leave .That is a good one Dr Ramani

[@gwillis01]

My late mother said "Don't expect to find a trout in a barrel of dried herring" which is similar to saying "Don't try to pull water from an empty well"

[@rozannakuykendall60]

Excellent way to put things. Sounds like she was a very wise lady.

[@shanpurble]

My dad is a narcissist and my mum refuses to see it staying with him blindly. I always have to be on my guard from his manipulation tactics. If I'm not wary enough and in his presence a lot I have the ability to absorb these traits. I take full responsibility for myself when I get into these tones. He's more of the 'woe is me type' and still to this day blames his parents for his behaviour. It was really my sister opening this narcissism thing to me clarifying that she was the scepagoat and I the golden child in the family. It took a while for me to see it but once I limited my incolvment with him it gave me time to introapext. Sorry to say, but if it was not for my sister pointing this out to me I would have let things continue to slide.

[@nontokozombatha9182]

I have had the same experience with mine hey

[@Anthony11494]

My father is a narcissist too. Thank goodness my mother divorced him and raised me on her own. My father talks a really good game: "Oh, I'm you're father and you must build a relationship with me so that I can show you the ins and outs of what it takes to have a good living." Man, this was utter BS, because that man he did things that was visable enough to appear a certain way to other family members as good, but behind the scenes. . . . he was a toxic nightmare. The things that he would say to me was aimed at trying to break me down mentally and spiritually. I kept my guard up for 6 months, but it ate away at the strength it took for me to move out. He wanted me to change my last name to his to make up for the fact that he wasn't there on the day I was born, he wanted access to my bank account and he wanted me to give up being independent. . . like. . . its crazy to me that he seriously had a problem with me being independent, having goals and dreams outside of himself. As a man, this is baffling to me.

[@crackers1039]

Good for you! You did that for you sister instead of making her feel crazy. Breaking generational trauma and not enabling. That’s amazing work.

[@fionaowen5164]

I found that every time my ex went out with the children on his own he would do nothing but speak bad of me untill my children stopped going out with him there was no point They could see what was happening before I did. Now those children will have nothing to do with him now mine ex was neglectful narc except he never neglected him self

[@RachelSDay1982]

Maybe your mother was a severe co-dependant like my mother. They always turn a blind eye to what's going on. So many women, however, know what's going on, but they feel powerless to leave, especially if they had a brood of children.

[@mararamitchpeace]

AAAAAAAAAAH! MY GAWD! When she talked about the leaving because your were not being heard, and now they will do what you want because they don't want to lose......... THEVICIOUS CYCLE IS EVERYTHING TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My entire world is changing. 😭🥰

[@sherryripepi6024]

Knowledge is Power. You are saving lives. This subject should be taught in grammar school, through high school absolutely life-saving. I am 75 years old and learning something new every day. xoxo

[@sosha4050]

For my friends who are perpetually late, I cracked the code by giving them the wrong time 🤣

[@royalc3996]

It works! My friends began doing this to me for being perpetually late😂😂

[@SummeRain783]

@@royalc3996 same haha

[@jozzz222]

Is it bad to be late because I’m late a lot

[@jazwhoaskedforthis]

This would actually be so great, or just give a general time frame you’re okay with like “hey the party starts at 1pm to 2pm” would help chronically late people like me, who just have executive dysfunction and a lot of anxiety around going anywhere lol. Bless you for working with your late friends.

[@kevind.f.chapman9810]

@@jozzz222 think about your question , do you like when some one is late for you ??

[@rubysantoyo796]

This hit me like a pile of bricks... this is so important for men and women who come from broken families. Thank you ladies for this space🤍

[@phoenixrising8007]

Respect ✊ is the #1 indicator of a healthy or toxic interaction

[@amygingell2768]

This is what I’m dealing with a true narcissist it’s draining but I’m ready to change myself❤️

[@Zoëlle.Kawaii]

32:25 I was introverted my whole life until I realized I was trans and went out and proud into the world and suddenly I was an extrovert. I LOVED humans. I couldn't stand being without them for too many hours at a time lol. I used to hate humans but now I can't get enough and I can't shut up about self-love and self-respect and how abused women are and how everyone needs to have an ego death to help with their PTSD and how gender is insanely crazy and no one knows ANYTHING about it! Lol I just can't STFU now. I'm loving life. Introversion felt, very much to me, like my defense mechanisms for social anxiety constantly getting in the way of enjoying life. Introversion kinda sucks, it isn't just enjoying being alone, it's SUFFERING in social situations because your social battery is working so much harder than the extroverts, the extros just have it easier in social situations, so they can last way longer in them.

[@ducgiabachnguyen20]

Oh my god, I thought it was another video of Dr. Ramani but then I saw the pink shade of Women of Impact. Dreams came true!

[@valdapierre6650]

Me too

[@user-vn9sh6hv8r]

@@valdapierre6650 Me three! Love Dr Ramani!! 💕

[@azuresky4984]

Me 4 and I don’t even know dr Ramani very well.😂😃

[@cathylucas3653]

Never believe words or actions. Patterns, however, will tell you everything

[@sannajohanna5579]

Good points in having experience with narcissistic people: You grow your psychological muscles and learnt to regulate your feelings and emotions very well. Of course, this does not FEEL GOOd at first, but when you have got over it, you are stronger than ever and stronger than people who do not have that experience.

[@tasfiasheikh1674]

I just cut a narcissistic partner after he shut me down, cursed and yelled at me for expressing myself on a topic that he had covered once. I do blame myself for re bringing it up but I can definitely say that my intention was to discuss this by using words such as I understand and I feel. It took me a while to see this as I suffer from borderline personality disorder and have had trouble with boundaries for a long time. However, when someone does not give you the safe space to express yourself and talk about your feelings, and if you fear the person’s reaction all the time, simply leave (if your situation allows you). You deserve better ❤️

[@annmarieknapp]

She's right about 3 strikes you're out. Now I'm thinking twice is more than enough.

[@dulcejoao5465]

Now that I know all these signs 2 strikes is generous!! I'm out before I get attached

[@teachersusanute199]

She is one of the best! We need to educate pple on red flags. Especially empaths.

[@AndrewTanielian]

18:54 is gold. "The person is not going to change. What are you going to do?" I had to make this choice 4 months ago and it was only because I had recognized their patterns that I felt quietly confident to leave. I didn't understand the broader context of what Dr. Durvasula is saying here, but am relieved to learn everything she is explaining.

[@no_prisoners6474]

I once shaved my hair off cause I literally lost my mind. Mind you, I don't even look good with no hair. Also been on antidepressants since. This is very important info ♥️

[@ashleighford1746]

Ditto

[@lina6121]

leave Brittney alone

[@aletablakely7605]

Favorite insight was "THEY DO NOT CHANGE". They use you as a tool or an applicance--a THING. This is so true. After twenty years of trying to "fix it".

[@iman119-3yr]

REC...and don't give people the benefit of the doubt more than 3 times. DR RAMINI has helped me so much. I am also an introvert. What she said about charismatic people looking through you. So true. Huge respect to Dr Ramini. And great to hear such excellent questions. Thank you. Iman

[@FlowertheSpaceAlien]

The "too sensitive" issue is really important to discuss. The difference between hyper reactivity and more usual reactions is something very crucial to understand.

[@oscarwilliamson6163]

Glenda Cottle,Hope you are not with a narcissist 😈......

[@Sparksofjoy1111]

Apparently I’m an “over thinker” and that’s my “problem”…. All because I pointed out that the actions do not match the words. I broke up with him. I’m getting better at this… it’s like a muscle. Never knew how to train for the Olympic event of crushing narcissists egos…. Now for the main event…. Spotting their lies from the get go! Thank you❤

[@TakeBackYourMind997]

This is why it's so important to look at people's intentions instead of their outcomes! Bad outcomes can have good intent, and clearly from the first 5 minutes of this, good outcomes can have bad intent.

[@SweetiePieTweety]

Whoa, “too many people are trying to draw water out of empty wells”. That breakdown was another Dr. Ramani gems!!! Recognizing a walk away opportunity up front of long term incompatibility. Thank you❤️

[@Adriana-bq4cd]

My favorite insight was: " If you stay in this conversation you disrespect Yourself! "

[@emilykathleenn]

I would say (from years of personal experiencing ahuse etc) narcissistic traits are ; 1. Lack of empathy- even when you cry they won't hug you but blame you even possibly, make you feel worse and still not comfort you 2. They feed off of your misrry , negative energy (which they created via arguments and put downs, triangulation and so on 3. They DO hate themselves really, even though they may appear arrogant, although, i would say that they wear a mask to suit the narrative,therefore, some people who know them would never ever see them as arrogant but quite the opposite 4. Ungrateful- they only care about themselves and only pretend to love or care for you in order to keep you as supply .

[@bruciferbrucifer1791]

I have the utmost respect for Dr Ramani- ive been listening and learning from her since I found her! Her words simply resonate with truth! She has had a major impact on my life in the best way ever ! I will stay listening and learning from her for the rest of my days ! I value all her words- not only for the sake of close relationship- but to understand this psychological mindset of many people in our everyday life- gives one knowledge of this type of people so we can be very aware of their presence.

[@FindYourFree]

when she broke down narc communication vs a normal person, it was incredible..you two are amazing in interview together...so educational!

[@Overcomer4myfamily]

Thank you so much!! I demanded my family do “the work” recently. I’ve since cut them off. It’s unacceptable. It’s hurtful and no one sees my pain.

[@mariskinner2123]

I have tried over and over to leave the melignent narcissist that has just about destroyed me for years. I pray for everyone that has endured a narcissist in their life. I will make it out of this. Broken and lost. But, I will find myself, again with the help and knowledge from these KZbin videos. Thank you for caring. Bless you.

[@phoenixrising8007]

Narcissists blame everyone and everything else before ever taking responsibility or ownership of their behaviour 💥🎯💥🎯💥🎯

[@vikki8699]

They never take responsibility for their own behaviour. It is always someone else's fault.

[@danielled1720]

Dr Romani and Lisa Bilyeu, both of you are awesome people!

[@velmathepelmar]

I read in a book a long long time ago..."It wasn't my intention to upset you"....."it wasn't your intention not to". Intention is everything. Intend to show care and respect then you cannot unintentionally upset someone. Thank you Dr. Ramani

[@shazambrose3091]

I am stunned and knew my ex was a true narcissist but he convinced me that I was a narcissist but now I know 100% that I certainly am not!!!! I now know is a malignant/neglectful narcissist. Thank you so much for this video. Brilliant. Dr. Ramani is amazingly knowledgeable and easy to understand. She's definitely perfect for her chosen career.

[@dianelamorticella6053]

Actions speak louder than words!!! Thank you Dr Ramani!!! So much love to you both!!!!

[@brittanylight2629]

My narcissist made a very critical Freudian slip when he was yelling at me. He said "you do this every couple months. You stand up for yourself *pauses cause he realized* you start attacking me and making me mad." That slip told me it's time to leave. Because I was not allowed to stand up for myself and it was very clear to be in that moment

[@nilgiridreaming]

No sharing: yes! No chance to have a deep and meaningful exchange/conversation. When I heard you say that, Dr Ramini, my heart sank in pain as I recalled the futility of my efforts to gain some traction with the narcissistic / psychopathic individual in my life. Thank goodness I believe the truth is always helpful, better than clinging to delusions.

[@SurvivorC]

When she talked about people who’ve been in these relationships say, “now I have a word for that!” Yup.

[@antoinetteb.3869]

My last three former "friends" were consistently late almost every time we would meet. I gave each of these individuals the 'benefit of the doubt". I would not have put up with that behavior from a date, but I gave too many "second chances" to these women. I can see now how disrespectful and entitled their behavior was. I am done with those types of "friends".

[@tarot_esoterica_with_erin]

"The wounds are where we are not graceful". Poetic and Brilliant!!

[@homechiq]

Thank you for having her... ❤️ Dr. Ramani’s videos in her channel has helped me heal from my abusive relationship. We need this awareness, especially our therapists...

[@theresathompson4719]

I never liked labels and always avoided using them, narristic has been overused as dealing with a person with NPD is a wholly hell of a ride like no other! Very different from dealing with a person that is merely selfish or difficult in my experience. I appreciate these videos. Frustrating that most will not receive help.

[@pamelakelley5535]

Dr. Ramini has helped me so much she really knows exactly who these really sick people are. I never really knew what a narcisist was. I was trapped in a 5 yr narcissistic relationship She helped me to leave that person and never look back. I have forgiven myself for being so naive and am moving on by loving myself more.

[@catalhuyuk7]

Dr. Ramani is wonderful. She has helped to save many victims of narcissism. It's an epidemic. Thank you for hosting her Lisa.

[@jayerscios]

19:18 the rule of threes and giving benefit of the doubt - if you're dishonored, devalued, not listened to, or invalidated.. that's it... leave now! Personally, I treat a new dating situation like a 90 trial employment. I'm looking to see how I'm treated, I'm listening to what you say and watching what you do. I still got caught by a communal narcissist.

[@africacarey]

I agree

[@sandancer45]

When someone just wants you to listen, not speak, i told this person that they need a blow-up doll or dummy because they wanted me to stay silent all the time. It started to be very boring then the insults started so i left.

[@maried7776]

my sons bought him a pocket PU**ie...Molly...Christmas gift...lol

[@genysoilihy3389]

Omg!!! This is just gold. Thank you for this interview. So many things that I have to listen to it again. The one that sticks into my head is "if you are giving a benefit of the doubt 50times to someone, thats on you" Thank you so much again 🙏🙏🙏🙏❤❤❤❤❤

[@arnoldjr5537]

Your a great interviewer Lisa... Awsome questions.

[@ko676]

I like the rule of 3 for giving the benefit of the doubt. The example Dr. Ramani gave about the lateness is 100% on point.

[@lindatucs2044]

Thank you thank you never heard about a self righteous narcissist you nailed it ❤that’s what I left after a year! Thank you Lisa for this and of course Dr Ramani you nailed it for me 🙏😘😘😘😘

[@TiffanyHallmark]

I could have used this years ago. I recently got out of a 17 year relationship with a narcissist. I like her idea of stopping after 3 times of asking. Or adjusting what you're willing to tolerate. Thank you, so much for this video.

[@user-je7gd7vs6g]

I wish I knew years ago as well. I ruined my life goals by staying with mine for 13 years...just got out.

[@007stinkey]

Omg the charismatic person. So eye opening. Yess yess and yes. The person i just dated, I said he had to much ego,he is still crazy. He just seems fit for a good time. Wow😮😮

[@babss2285]

I try to not even communicate meet or befriend a narcissist KEEP AWAY

[@Kyshalise]

I love how she broke down what these types of people actually do or say, it’s so helpful

[@pursueliving]

Benefit of a doubt 3 times and they only change when you leave, not when you speak your mind...because your emotional being has no value to them. Wow. And they look right through you to the next best thing coming along.

[@christianpulisic7784]

Pursueliving,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌷,hope you are not with a narc 😈!

[@starlingswallow]

13:48 👍🏻 My brother made a parental comment to me via text. I sent him a voice memo asking for clarification and said due to our history and you being parental, I'm wanting to take it THIS way but I want you to clarify please. His response? "You took a _little_ text and _little_ words the wrong way. If you are going to be _this sensitive_ then maybe we shouldn't do text or email and on the phone only." 😡😡😡😤😤😤😤 He isn't safe. He acted parental, (I would have TAKEN it the same way if he had said it to me on the phone or in person) he belittled my reaction AND called me too sensitive!!! Then he rattled off excuses, lied and backpedaled. *I'm out.* Thank you Dr. R and for this video!!! So helpful! Even your responses and point OP!

[@ChandanaCTV]

It’s healing to just hear Dr. Ramani talk! ❤️

[@tammyhabiger3281]

True! It is validation that someone understands and confirms what we went through.

[@katealison6087]

The hyper reactivity to criticism isn't always shown through rage. I think if the narcissist is very smart and has seen that that rage has ended their supply in the past, or they know that their victim has been abuse before and so won't accept a raised voice, they will "display" the rage in another way. They may punish you with a silent treatment or be very cruel about something when you least expect it. They may get uppity and text saying that they can't believe you thought anything bad about them. It varies? I also think that that is more likely the closer to psychopathy the person is. I knew a malignant narcissist who barely showed emotion and kept their cards very close to their chest. They were hyper disciplined about their reactions but the pure evil they were capable of dishing out would be something they enjoyed drip feeding over the coming months. Revenge for a perceived criticism could be identified by remembering that actually, you hadn't criticised them - you'd just dared to question an action and ask for more clarity.

[@Z-gg3fc]

Wow I just realized something.. you are right. My ex narcissist did this to me. Now that am thinking.. I remember I had to cancel plans because I didn’t feel good, I was laying in bed.. that’s how sick. He would never say okay well I hope you feel better. I can tell he was mad.. he even gave me the silent treatment for days after.. Anyway we had plans the next week to have a fun date during the day and he canceled on me. But asked me to come over that night instead . Even though we planned it weeks ago.. the night before we even talked about what we were gonna do.. I know he still wanted sex. Anyways I never went. He called me and said okay fine just come and we will go.. He said well why are you not coming tonight? He said you canceled plans on me before so what’s the big deal. I know why he did it now. I went out with a friend that night and I asked if he was upset but I really didn’t care. He said no why would I be… but he was plotting revenge. I did break up with him. His behavior was unhinged and did the unspeakable and I’m still hurting from it to this day. I will never forget that man.

[@acedcoffee6934]

Omg my two favorite channels in one collab!!! I appreciate your efforts and everything you do for us ❤️❤️❤️

[@nontokozombatha9182]

Right!

[@ytuser392]

I think we got the notion from many movies and love stories that when someone comes back after you leave them it means they really love you and don't want to lose you or live without you. So it's hard to actually understand that many times in real life this is not how it works, if a person cares for you they most probably won't get you to the point where you have to leave, they would try and fix things before. And a person coming back after you left or popping out of nowhere after years like it happens in many "romantic" movies in most cases isn't really that great of a sign... 🤦‍♀ I mean what were they doing until now? All of a sudden they remembered you exist? Just reflecting on how movies and media have affected our way of seeing life and people's behavior.

[@dianelamorticella6053]

Don’t forget triangulation. People who cannot ask for help themselves, so they get another person to ask you to help them because the 3rd person is someone you usually say yes to.

[@user-vn9sh6hv8r]

Check out Dr Ramani's channel if you haven't already - she has a video specifically on triangulation. It's a thing alright!

[@arlizan430]

I’m not sure that particular situation is triangulation. Check out her video. Someone not being able to ask you directly such as a child is not being narcissistic.

[@dianelamorticella6053]

@@user-vn9sh6hv8r yes, I have been watching her videos for a year now! She is fantastic!

[@TM-fw4oz]

Happened to me too. The narc would tell a sob story about how much she needs help to someone else (who was financially incapable of helping, and would say that they’d help her if they had the money to) Then ask those people to ask me to help her, and say it’s because she’s too “afraid” to ask me, or doesn’t have time, and can they please help her by talking me into helping her. Might not be triangulation, but it’s some type of manipulation.

[@rexwave4624]

@@arlizan430 Dr. Ramani mentioned that children have behaviours (strength and powers, in this case, to deal with their lack of same) that they grow out of. The narcissist still exhibits the childish behaviour. But, I'm no expert. I'm learning tons on her KZbin channel. The community of people asking questions is amazing.