I Healed My Trauma through 10 Days of Silent Meditation | Goenka Vipassana Retreat

Three months ago I sat silently in a hall for 10 hours a day with my eyes closed for 10 days continuously. This is the retelling of my participation in the SN Goenka style vipassana meditation 10-day course.
It's hard to express in words exactly how profound an experience the course was for me. Three months on and I continue to meditate daily. I experience the world in a different way than I did before the course. In that sense, it has been a shift in consciousness. I'm in tune with my body. I have learned skills which allow me to be a: calmer, less stressful, less angry, more patient, more compassionate, more tolerant, less anxious, more healthy self. The list could go on.
The film is long but I wanted to preserve the details of this life-altering course in the hope that it will find some of those who need it. May you be happy!

[@sanres]

Hi Scott. I'm Sanda, the Indonesian guy you mentioned at 36:00. My friend Eisen who also attended our course showed this vid to me. Just want to confirm that yes, the story about my previous chest pain and suicidal thoughts etc is true and I consider every day I have passed after that first healing course as a continous blessings from God/Higher Power/Dhamma/Universe, whatever you call it. I attended another course last july and it bring me even more things to reveal from my subconcious. I am now much happier, realistic and optimistic at the same time. Of course i still have some other issues but the way i see my problems is now totally different than before my first course. Eisen and I now regularly attend weekly sitting in a Buddhist monastery in our hometown in Borneo, and we keep inviting our friends to meditate with us. So glad to hear your story here and knowing all the benefits you experienced... Keep sharing the dhamma my friend, let the world knows that there's a way out of misery no matter how bad it is. Cheers 😇

[@EllaScott]

Sanda! Wow. That's amazing. And also impressive that you both found this video. I'm also attending my second retreat later this week after about a year since Bali. Great to hear you are both well in Borneo and spreading the love. Peace! (And say hi to Eisen for me!) Would love to see you both again some time if the universe allows.

[@k0rvus]

Thanks a lot for this video. You matter and change lives by sharing your personal stories.

[@EllaScott]

I appreciate that, thanks Jason!

[@jackiec.232]

Thanks so much, Scott, for opening up and sharing these experiences with us. I'm entering my first Vipassana course in July and your stories and great details have helped me a lot. I've been thinking about the actual sitting, wondering about my back/knees. Your information has helped to settle my concerns a lot. All the best to you. Namaste

[@EllaScott]

Good luck my friend!

[@cassidygan159]

You are amazing. I am touched and inspired by your story and the stories you told about your friends, too. Incredible what meditation can do to help. Really helpful and heartfelt.

[@EllaScott]

Amazing to hear that! Thank you :)

[@lnemtsev]

Thank you very much for this story. I am about to go to my first Vipassana in a week and it's very helpful to hear real life recent experiences from people like you.

[@EllaScott]

So welcome! Best of luck! I'm sure you'll have an incredible experience.

[@jevgenijspavlenko1308]

It’s literally the best vipassana story I have heard by now! So deep, sincere and inspiring! Thanks a lot for sharing and being so open ❤ I am going to my first vipassana in October this year, wish me some luck :)) 🎉

[@EllaScott]

Good luck!!!

[@ramonastorm9818]

Dear Scott, thank you very much for sharing your expirience of the vipassana retreat 🙏

[@ramonastorm9818]

And I have one question, did you inner Work before you start the vipassana course?

[@EllaScott]

Only dabbled with mindfulness and the Waking Up app. It felt like I was in at the deep end :)

[@tommcbane3776]

thank you genuinely for sharing your experience. I watched your video as I am going to be doing a 10 day retreat in about a week from now. I am optimistic about the healing available through this course

[@EllaScott]

Let us know how it turns out for you :)

[@SS-wz8po]

Hi Scott- I have forwarded your video to anyone I could think of who may need to hear this directly themselves. Thank you for the video. There is a Goenka Vipassana Meditation Center near me here in Massachusetts/ USA which I might be going to after I heard your experience on this video. yay, you have done it! I’m so happy for your recovery. May you be ever calm, healthy and happy🙏👍🏽❤️

[@EllaScott]

That's so great to hear. I hope it can help you on the journey to a happier life as well!

[@cherokeerir]

Thank You

[@eliwillaert]

Thank you, authentic and inspiring ❤.

[@tanishqpruthi]

thankyou for telling this experience. you are a strong soul. i will try this course one day

[@asirbbrisa]

Thank you for sharing 🙏 I experience TMS too and overcame the pain with Sarno/Nicole Sacks. I am a bit worried about sitting because the TMS symptom I have is sciatica/pelvic pain and the emotions that may come up. This video helped me to trust myself to have this experience.

[@EllaScott]

You are super welcome. I'm going to look into Nicole Sacks. I recently came across Wim Hof too. A lot of the mental side of what he does seems like Sarno supercharged. May be worth looking in to :)

[@satunore2275]

I appreciate your input on all your experience ❤

[@EllaScott]

You are so welcome

[@jahnvisingh7692]

Thank you so much for a thorough explanation 😊 🙏

[@EllaScott]

My pleasure 😊

[@radar29]

You are telling the story of my life ❤

[@EllaScott]

Then our lives must be very similar!

[@TrendX1981]

Yes, it's call PITI (Pali) .Your meditation level up. Congratulations🎉...and your are the first I found in youtube for 10 day vipassana practice that touch PITI. Your meditation go fast. For Next level you need to know about "anapanasti". if you hear other people talk something like piti please let's them know.

[@TrendX1981]

Sadhu.

[@EllaScott]

Thanks friend!

[@jahnvisingh7692]

Great job 👏 I also have the same back pain and I couldn’t sit for more than 10-15 mins at home in meditation. Not sure how will I sit for ten hours 😅 thanks for sharing giving me some strength

[@EllaScott]

You can do it! It’s definitely a part of the process 😁

[@David-ns2uo]

Thank you for your efforts sharing your personal experiences. You (and Ella) have a profoundly positive impact on your audience and, without any doubt, a chain of connections beyond that. I suffer from a lot of overthinking and anxiety issues that have resulted in severed connections, self-inflicted emotional pain, and a tormenting fear that I will miss true companionship in life. I will be making (another) effort to earn benefit from meditation, self-reflection, and healing. I do not see an opportunity to have the time for such a course (any time soon, at least)... I apologize if you have made videos discussing this in the past (or if my lack of focus missed you mentioning it in this video), but had you practiced meditation with regularity previously? I am a slave to work right now, but I will be following your continued journey through this process (when time allows). Again - thank you - you have absolutely made an impact with me.

[@EllaScott]

Hey David! This is such lovely feedback to hear. Thanks for taking the time to share your impression and the impact it had on you. I really hope that you can connect with something to help you push past these fears and pains. The first time I tried meditation was during a period of my life where I suffered terrible arm pain - it didn't really stick back then but it allowed meditation to appear on my radar. Whilst living in Bali with a good friend, we encouraged each other to try a daily practise by talking a lot about mindfulness and the discovery of the Waking Up app (which I recommend though it's not vipassana related). Though only 5-10mins a day, I felt the practise helping me to become much more present in my life. It's now been almost four months since I attended the 10-Day course and I've been meditating at least an hour a day since then. I don't think I could have built the discpline to do that without the course. The Goenka-style Vipassana centers also offer weekend or day sessions, but I'm not sure if it's only for students who have been through the 10-Day course. Might be more info at their website, dhamma.org. Good luck on your own journey out of emotional pain and fear!

[@nataliya2422]

Thanks for sharing your experience. I’m going to a course in 3 days.

[@EllaScott]

I guess that means you are currently there. Hope you're having a fantastic experience!

[@sfg206]

I signed up for a 10 day course, its in 2 weeks time. Im looking around on youtube and i see a lot of odd people talking about having done it, their behaviour does not look like something im striving to achieve. Im gonna stick to being normal, canceling the course

[@EllaScott]

Do I count within your assessment of odd? Would love to hear why if so

[@The10.000ThingsOfficial]

Good story!❤

[@EllaScott]

Thank you! 😊

[@irenahabe2855]

Tanku.

[@lizettevela6347]

I’m about to go and I am so scared of what’s going to come up in my mind

[@EllaScott]

There's nothing to fear. You are not your thoughts, thoughts just come up without any will or our part. It is our awareness of them which gives us the power to decided what to do with them, and can always be ... nothing at all, just let it slide away

[@tiffanyhau1254]

Thank you for sharing your experience 🙏 I went to a course back in October and I also had very deep experiences but I havent been able to connect with anyone who is able to verbally share a story thats on a similar depth as mine. Your stories are normalizing my experience

[@EllaScott]

That's awesome. I would love to just go around collecting people's Vipassana experiences. So valuable. Feel free to share more about yours if you're inclined :)

[@kodeh7931]

What an amazing, remarkable and memorable story. This is something I would like to experience. How long were you meditating for before you went on this retreat?

[@EllaScott]

Then I’m sure you will 😁 I would casually meditate 5-10mins, usually with the Waling Up app, tried to do it daily but often skipped days. Ella recently completed the 10 days with virtually no meditation experience though. Will be sharing that not too long hopefully 😁

[@sweetpooja5300]

Hi Scott, thanks for sharing this entire experience of yours after Vipassana meaning all that you could heal inside you after doing this Vipassana. I want to know how have you been feeling after this? I mean did you get any trauma back again in your life? Now currently how are feeling as a human, did you attract all that you desired in your life? Please Please Please Reply to my comment.... I really want to know your complete experience now also..... I mean in current phase of your life......

[@EllaScott]

No more trauma. Trauma free. Feel like I shed a lot of baggage and still on my way up to who I want to be. Can’t say I have achieved everything I desire but I’m very content with current lifestyle and relationships ☺️

[@sweetpooja5300]

@@EllaScott Wow That's great 👍 i am very impressed with your journey and you are very lucky to release from all your trauma in just one 10day Course, I dint have same experience but wish for it, but your experience is very very inspiring to me. I wish and pray for same for myself in my upcoming course. Thanks again for sharing that you dint get back all that and living a new life which is more Happier & Satisfied, truly you are an inspiration, I have shared your video to so many people as i myself know benefits of Vipassana but your experience is phenomenal. Thanks again for sharing, it's truly inspiring. Metta🙏 🙏 🙏

[@EllaScott]

@sweetpooja5300 I hope you find peace in your trauma too! I feel that these things can't be forced, but at the right time it will find you, and you will be ready 🤘

[@sweetpooja5300]

@@EllaScott i totally agree with you.... I have been practicing Vipassana everyday at home and Do One Day Courses once a week in my city, feeling some difference but yet to release completely. Thanks for your inspiration 😊

[@mrtn6032]

Thanks for sharing your story! You mentioned you took a substance and experienced the worst horror ever. May i ask what you took? All the best

[@EllaScott]

Unfortunately I don’t know what it was as it wasn’t the substance we were told it was or anything we recognized.

[@ashleysimon96]

Thank you for sharing this. Your story through a personal lens is so much more helpful/powerful than just the theory. Can you advise what you were told to do when thoughts would come into your mind? I.e. when you were focusing on your breath or part of your body, should you not follow the thought and ensure your focus ‘snaps back’ to the part of your body? Or are you handling thoughts in different ways dependent on the day? What did you do on days 7-10? Thank you very much 👍

[@EllaScott]

When thoughts come into your mind, simply re-train your thought on your awareness of sensations. You don't have to give the thought any attention more than noticing that a thought has appeared. Then return to the sensations of the body. Hard to remember the exact details of days 7-10 now is it was so long ago. But it is a deepening of the technique and the most profound part of the course for me.

[@ashleysimon96]

@@EllaScott thanks for getting back to me, that’s great 👍 one final thing… when past traumas come up, do you have any tips on navigating them? Visualising images of meaning, love, recovery Etc. for example? Thanks again 🙏🏼

[@EllaScott]

@@ashleysimon96 The key for me was in not trying to run from the memory/horrible sensations, but to try and feel them fully, head-on, and use the technique to handle the panic and horrible sensations, to detach myself from the whirlwind.

[@dommccaffry3802]

And one of my friends completely traumatised himself on vipassana, so, it can go either way

[@EllaScott]

From what I understand, meditation generally isn’t recommended to a host of people, especially those susceptible to mental illness (not that this category necessarily represents your friend and I’m sorry to hear that they have suffered from this!). Always good to do your research and know your own limits I think

[@falkar11]

How so?

[@ronniegaikwadrgames3437]

Hi scot there is concern I have, I have been living with mindfulness for 3 years and after too many years i got into relationship and suddenly saw myself becoming what I was before 3 years ago, the relationship ended in a month and I went completely into depression, the girl I was in a relationship was also had been through mental issues in her life and whenever I think of meditation I think of healing myself and then quickly going back and texting her to do the course as well, however I see myself everything that I'm hearing or learning is not for me but to go and tell her and I'm afraid that during vipassana I would only do things for her and not get anything for myself because again I'm in a state where everything good i hear or learn is not what I'm applying on me but my mind gives me a thought that ok you should go and tell her this or ok this what she lacks or she is going through. And this is not helping me at all. What should I do? I have my vipassana course in coming 2 weeks. And I want to go and learn for myself and then help the outside world, but I don't wanna do anything with a thought of ok I'm going to the course to help my ex.

[@EllaScott]

Sounds like you already know what you gotta do - be more sure in making decisions for yourself and not other people :)

[@ronniegaikwadrgames3437]

@@EllaScott thank you, I gotta fight my mind, but I want to know my full potential as well, feels kike universe has choosen me to do this course. I wanna light up my candle first then I will light up the candle inside others

[@rockysingh9979]

I was wondering did you go to your room every time you felt some sort sensation to release it or you did most of it during the meditation?

[@EllaScott]

I think I only left the shared meditation hall once (possible twice?). I ended up meditating or releasing sensations by myself a lot in between though.

[@ShivamMishra13]

Which center you went to do the course?

[@EllaScott]

The one in Bali

[@therealrayster]

How are you now Scott? How are the practices going? My personal story: I just did mine here in the Philippines and it's been 6 days now! I could totally relate to the panic attack one. Mine happened before the course even started and that was something I was experiencing on the initial days because the meditation itself kind of magnified the anxiety. There were even days 2 or 3 when I was moving my body so that I wouldn't enter the meditative state, but the teacher saw me and prevented me from doing that. Enough running away perhaps. It took me several days to find my balance. There was this time that I was meditating so peacefully like those they call achieving 'jhana', but then anxiety took over and the fear got magnified and I thought I was going to lose it. Not really a good idea of too much research I guess hehe. it's funny now though after overcoming those surfacing of traumas and such that my heart is not beating so fast as it used to before. I didn't realize it was indeed a form of anxiety and it branches out like a big tree.

[@EllaScott]

Wow sounds like you’ve been going deep on healing your anxieties and panic - congrats 🙌 For me I feel the path to healing was often three steps backwards before I could find a new way forward. I’m sure that if you keep up the practise you’ll keep seeing progress. Good luck! As for my own journey, I’m still enjoying daily meditation and reaping benefits in multiple ways. Motivated to continue and see my life continue to improve!

[@r1cburton]

Beautiful recollections. Now try a martial art 🥋 23:05

[@EllaScott]

Yoga is the closest thing for me these days 🧘

[@carlasienna8683]

Why didn't you sit on a chair?

[@EllaScott]

Sometimes my butt wants the ground