I Hooked Up With a Coworker (She Has a Boyfriend)

I Hooked Up With a Coworker (She Has a Boyfriend)
Next Steps
📞 Ask John a question! ter.li/0pimqr
📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life: ter.li/cmllig
📝 Anxiety Test: ter.li/6zeike
📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future: ter.li/eqk1f3
❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards: ter.li/idiu6g
💭 John's Free Guided Meditation: ter.li/mnl8mg
Offers From Today's Sponsors
• 10% off your first month of therapy at BetterHelp ⮕ bit.ly/3seoBCe
• 3 free months of Hallow ⮕ www.hallow.com...
• 25% off Thorne orders ⮕ www.thorne.com...
• 20% off Organifi with code DELONY ⮕ www.Organifi.c...
• 20% Off + 2 Free Pillows at Helix Sleep ⮕ www.HelixSleep...
Listen to More From Ramsey Network
🎙️ The Ramsey Show ⮕ ter.li/wtjnp7
💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights ⮕ ter.li/3opzgn
🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour ⮕ ter.li/iy4cj0
💡 The Rachel Cruze Show ⮕ ter.li/46pj7d
💰 George Kamel ⮕ ter.li/9rrvlr
🪑 Front Row Seat with Ken Coleman ⮕ ter.li/z5j6as 📈 EntreLeadership ⮕ ter.li/ux0fyw
Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy
www.ramseysolu... -
Products:
Building a Non-Anxious Life: store.ramseyso...
Questions for Humans: Couples: store.ramseyso...
Own Your Past, Change Your Future: store.ramseyso...
2025 Ramsey Goal Planner: store.ramseyso...
Total Money Makeover: store.ramseyso...
Questions for Humans: Friends: store.ramseyso...
Questions for Humans: Parents & Kids: store.ramseyso...
Baby Steps Millionaires: store.ramseyso...
Get Clear Assessment: store.ramseyso...

[@edwardhoward4708]

My experience in life has been that if you want to find a woman who is a good match for you, you need to be not sleeping with women who are not a good match with you.

[@helixmoore7636]

Unfortunately most of the men on here won't listen to sound realistic intelligent advice

[@reginablevins8550]

My grana always said don't date someone you wouldn't marry. So when you know you aren't going to have a future with them for sure then quit wasting your time and theirs.

[@kellygreenii]

@@edwardhoward4708 Yes, but that door swings both ways. Lots of women out there sleeping with men that are not good for them and rejecting the ones who are.

[@kellygreenii]

@@helixmoore7636 Same applies to women. Who friendzone the men who are good for them and chase after the toxic guys.

[@kellygreenii]

@@reginablevins8550 Wise woman.

[@omgeoh]

Boy am I glad my soon to be wife came into my life when I was 22. At first I questioned if it was a good decision to get into a serious relationship at such a young age because all of my friends were single and having fun but I couldn't have been more lucky. Hookup culture and the dating scene is such a mess. I'm glad I spent my 20s living life with my lady. My life is better because of it.

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

As someone who slept around in his 20ties it's really overrated, now I am my early 30ties kinda cringe and regret wasting that time&energy on partying and online chatting instead of building a meaningful productive relationship plus that life style cost money too.

[@janelleg597]

​@@gostavoadolfos2023❤❤

[@santafilipina9020]

Don't be too comfortable.

[@lav7161]

That's good man. I like hearing stories of strong young relationships. At the same time though don't believe the hype of what the internet brings. Just because hook up culture is the new trend doesn't mean that single people are struggling. There's plenty of solid partners out there, too.

[@JAP1994]

I got married at 23 with the woman I lost my virginity to at 21. We now have a beautiful baby boy, and planning on purchasing our first home. Life couldn't be better.

[@BareKnuckleBrawls]

It takes a strong man to admit his wrongs. It takes an even stronger man to admit his wrongs without making excuses.

[@alb0zfinest]

This seems a very minimal standard. The more rational standard would just be a strong man is someone who keeps it in their pants if the other person has a partner. It's already bad they were flirting, that's where it should've stopped but actually sleeping with a coworker despite the reaction afterwards is definitely not a sign of strength.

[@gradius12]

What wrongs? The dude didn’t make a promise to his coworker’s boyfriend to be loyal. The girl did and then literally came knocking at another coworker’s door. It’s all on her.

[@taraswanner6749]

​@@gradius12we all have the responsibility to be good people and not participate in infidelity, not only those in relationships. Those who knowingly contribute to a person cheating are equally at fault.

[@tanyamath8772]

And it takes the strongest man to be accountable about his wrongs without making excuses Takes a strong human to do that

[@eileenmarter6993]

@@gradius12it takes two

[@chez0788]

It is incredibly difficult to trust anyone these days.

[@Nikkithedoll]

Agreed, also friendships, family, and for me employees…. *Sigh*

[@twebb200]

Yes

[@jeretso]

Start by avoid drunks lol

[@roathripper]

humans are fallible. it's eternal. mark it up to experience and move on, that's all you can ever do.

[@Ryan-wx1bi]

It's always been like this lol. We just have more knowledge about it happening thanks to the Internet.

[@sharonscain7673]

When drinking gets you in trouble and regrets,you quit drinking!

[@bossreims3908]

This!

[@piak78]

Then the duffer gets over the trouble and starts drinking again 😂

[@modernmasculinity6560]

Or quit banging women in relationships

[@ig1hunnitk.a229]

Needed to hear this fr🔥

[@jjminor]

I agree but honestly, I don’t think it’s the drinking that’s getting you into trouble. You’re coping with something else and you’re using alcohol to mask. It is probably what’s happening.

[@BassBwoy3]

This is one of the reasons why I don't drink. Impaired judgment when sober and intoxicated. Also, the awkwardness of sleeping with a co-worker and seeing them Mon-Fri is just too intense for me to ever consider doing that.

[@leekshikapinnamneni4835]

He didn’t indicate how much he drank. As a person who has a drink on special occasions or social events, I can tell you that he didn’t have just one or two drinks.

[@Framokamc]

​@@leekshikapinnamneni4835 wouldn't " I didn't know how much I drank" be a reason to not drink more than they think they should? Drinking is not an excuse for anything, if people want to drink then be responsible 💁🏻‍♀️💁🏻‍♀️

[@englishblade]

Ironic since this reason exactly is why alcohol is banned in Islam, impaired judgement makes people do bad things

[@piak78]

The caller sounds like a duffer with glasses, who gets drunk under peer pressure and made fun of.

[@Cafeallday222]

I just have some weed and you just want to chill on the couch all night, too lazy to get up lmao

[@Portablepizzaoven]

I quit drinking when I was 25. Now 30 and I’m so happy with that decision. Don’t deal with depression or insecurities. Feel free again.

[@our.secret1130]

I wish I had the strength

[@Stress_._Free]

@@our.secret1130you do, just start by cutting back it, remember you caring enough to do better is a form of self love. Baby steps bro. You got this ✊

[@delaneysays]

I don't drink at all and I'm extremely insecure 😭

[@our.secret1130]

@@delaneysays no you’re not. You just think you are

[@RooperttiSi]

​@@our.secret1130 Trust me, you have the strength. I'm not saying it's easy or ever will be, but you got it. You have to find it in yourself. You seem like a great and supportive person to others, like your comment to the person above. Try to be as supportive towards yourself and your worthiness too. There's loads of people out there who thought they didn't have the strength to tame the beast inside (including myself a while back), but it's possible. But the truth is, no one else can make you quit. Therapy or other support can be very helpful to make you see that strenght in yourself and give you advice on how to stay sober, but we all have to make the decision to quit and stay sober ourselves, no one else can make you stop. I found it easier to try to stay sober for today, not to think about how can I stay my whole life sober. We can't change the future but we can change what we do today. I hope (and I know) you can find that strength in YOU! ❤

[@SK-ut6tw]

My mother used to tell me... Never sleep where you work.

[@animal79thecat]

Even if tired?

[@SK-ut6tw]

@@animal79thecat Nah she just meant don't Fck your co workers.

[@alluringbliss4165]

@@animal79thecat 😆

[@WH2012]

Never crap where you sleep.

[@Plooky1969]

I’ve always heard it, Never dip your pen in company ink.

[@jerrybarry3148]

in my 20s I was really turned off my marriage because I would go out to bars with my friends and almost every other night I was hit on by married women. In many of those cases, there husband would be like 20 feet away. I would also have many coworkers that were married or in relationships that would travel to my office, and they already had hookups scheduled from online dating or social media. I'm married now and in my late 30, and I just could never imagine doing something that would hurt my wife.

[@jerrybarry3148]

@@AkAk-yj6yq not every other day. Every other time I went out to the bars with friends which was 2-3 times per week in my 20s. I just learned how to carry myself and learned to not look or act desperate for women’s attention and I would position myself to be in areas of close proximity to where women would strike up a conversation. I was terrified of rejection, so I just learned how to get women to make the first move.

[@yota8325]

​@@AkAk-yj6yq in a environment where alcohol is involved its not that crazy to get hit on atleast once in a night out

[@Aweirdmushroom96]

I’m in my 20’s and myself and all my married friends are well passed the club stage of our lives. I call BS.

[@opinionbytriz]

You give me hope. Being cheated on by your SO is beyond heartbreaking.

[@jerrybarry3148]

@@Aweirdmushroom96 because you and your friends didn't go our in your 20s, then nobody else does. gotcha.

[@Aubz47]

I honestly think this is one of the best episodes Dr. John has ever done. His advice was perfect and I think every 20 something needs to hear this.

[@melissahelen88]

i wish i had heard it in my twenties..

[@lindao9377]

Unbelievable, the amount of flirting and drinking involved in work social gathering is unsettling.....

[@Stanley_Baby]

Because it’s unnatural for men and women to work together

[@lanelane800]

Agreed. It's extremely unprofessional

[@user-jg6sf8jw5k]

It's women they cheat constantly with people they work with, honestly women cheat in general

[@kellygreenii]

@@lindao9377 Umm…it’s supposed to be social .

[@lanelane800]

@@kellygreenii your ignorance offends me.

[@Deans-jm3uf]

Guy needs to work on the resume and be exceedingly kind and cordial with the co worker and never bring this up with her again. Things could turn very ugly for him

[@kellygreenii]

Nah. He just needs to write down what happened. Her showing up in his hotel room at 2AM means any accusation of inappropriate behavior on his part won’t get very far. (She freaking treated him like a booty call…) But he needs to politely distance himself from her. A woman who will cheat with you is a woman who will cheat on you. He doesn’t need the kind of chaos or drama that follows in her wake…

[@eurekahope5310]

​@@kellygreenii These days all she needs to say is that she was drunk and that is enough to pretend he took advantage of her. Yes, wrote it down and be nice, but he could lose his job if she makes an accusation.

[@kellygreenii]

@@eurekahope5310 She can say anything, which is why you need to keep receipts. Keep a contemporaneous record that she showed up on the doorstep of your hotel room on her own initiative…and (I’m convinced) uninvited. Paints a picture of her being the sexual aggressor here. Especially if there are any texts or other documented communications between them that corroborate this. You can’t control what anyone else says…and if you choose to live in a defensive crouch because of that? That’s on you. But he made a mistake getting entangled with her. She is clearly not relationship material. He just needs to cover his flank by documenting that she was the one aggressively pursuing him. Especially if he chooses to make it clear he has no interest in being her side guy.

[@Deans-jm3uf]

@@kellygreenii I think that’s a good idea if things take a turn for the worse but hopefully that can be avoided

[@nicklowe_]

Guys I think you’re blowing this out of proportion. Hooking up with coworkers in your 20’s is pretty normal. And usually no one has to be fired or go to jail lol

[@Redkoi88]

That’s why it’s so important to work on yourself because your unresolved traumas have a way to come out . Even the ones you don’t think about

[@reneeantwi-boasiako3974]

👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

[@joshrees1591]

I was this guy 20 years ago. I missed out on so many wonderful potential partners. Only to end up alone, 44, with a high body count that I’m no longer proud of….

[@Tamar-sz8ox]

You’re still young. Let go of the past and keep moving forward everyday

[@kellibuzzard9431]

It's not too late, brother. You've got a high soul count, too, though. Not just bodies. Hate that term. It's as if we're counting pairs of Jordans we used for basketball over the last 20 years. UGH.

[@gypsonny2]

Here you go 👑 King

[@benmyers9030]

Why not just find a chick lol. What's wrong with you?

[@MemeLord-zd1ie]

@@benmyers9030cause he knows he is ran though

[@TerenceWynn-bw2li]

"Invite me to your wedding one day; I won't come." Damn. Savage and messed up.

[@devadii24]

💯

[@kellibuzzard9431]

ADHD John would want to attend the wedding, but he'd forget to remember. lol

[@debbieanderson6740]

"Don't forget to remember". Great advice!

[@kcourtney6826]

My friend works in HR said you’d be surprised how many people are terminated because of inappropriate relationships with co workers some of them are married of course it’s confidential so many will tell their spouse they’ve been laid off.

[@Drenwickification]

I’m curious about that… why would HR get involved?

[@HJ-jy7fw]

Wow..

[@nt3833]

Hookup culture is absolutely disgusting. And people are literally screwing themselves out of finding an actual meaningful relationship with a lifelong partner. When will people wake up and realize this is a garbage way to live.

[@Baheieujlsksnen]

Absolutely!!

[@tiffanyh629]

Hook up culture was the result of trying to unshame people (mostly women) from being sexually aware of themselves while also trying to decrease the "cool factor" for other people (mostly men) for sleeping around and taking virgins. It was a "well, if we want to equalize this issue, then let's just make it so that _everyone_ just has s3x."

[@anonyghost7422]

When they get to a point of no return…. Which is honestly imo not too far if something doesn’t DRASTICALLY change. Statistics are starting to show the effects….

[@user-jg6sf8jw5k]

It's women they're nasty and have no accountability

[@MsMinoula]

My fiancé made it clear from the start that he wanted a wife. In the past, I went out with no more than five men that were actually looking for a deep connection. Those that started random or casual were only hookups. I am leaving this comment for the men out there: guys, be serious with what you want from life, so you can get the best from the women that you meet.

[@priscillaL83]

DO NOT get into any relationship because if you are bold enough to sleep with someone who has a partner, you will cheat on your future partner. I would also be careful about these triangle relationships . Those never end well. If her partner finds out you dont know what hes capable of.

[@WillIam79-c7f]

No. Just don't get into a relationship with her.

[@AlorsonDanseX]

*partner* 🫣 ain't no business matter. You are either single or married, in a relationship is no civil status.

[@priscillaL83]

@@AlorsonDanseX well dating is different. Dating is open. When you start labeling the relationship its serious and you wantvto prove your loyalty as a person before you marry. So basically the caller and the woman with the labeled relationship are both POS 's

[@BREEZYM6015]

I'm not in a relationship right now. How can I meet someone and not have to commit?

[@priscillaL83]

@@BREEZYM6015 date other single people who don't want any strings attached. Its important to ask them exactly what they are looking for to avoid any drama

[@sdiponioXx]

I’m 28 years old and don’t drink alcohol. Yes it limits my friend circle - but I own a bmw, I own my house. Sometimes you have to distance yourself from certain people to allow yourself to grow

[@Pinkiiiiii9]

MEEEE 👏🏾 also 28, don't drink, very limited dating experience too. It's worth the wait and the discipline if you want a great future. People gotta stop letting these party/hookup culture supporters distort their judgment. Every once in a while is fine, but all the time? Nah

[@wolfmare50]

@@Pinkiiiiii9sounds like having a clear head creates a now, that you can love. The future will follow that, whether another person shares that now or not.

[@kellygreenii]

@@sdiponioXx Living a disciplined life in a society that glorifies chasing sensations and indulging in excess will put you at odds with the masses..and they will not live you for it…

[@edouardpereira8046]

Im 28 and have all the above , good friends, good family and a promising future . I won’t lie I do dabble in some whisky and cigars sometimes but generally a balanced life. I put relationships on a pedestal and when a girl showed interest , I thought this is the one. Turns out it wasn’t , I thought I did everything right in the sense to place myself in a position to be the best partner, thinking I will in turn receive a great partner. I did not. I still wonder why, was I too patient, not patient enough, was I naive or maybe even desperate? Strange times we live in

[@ren17x50]

I didn't drink until 24 even then my closest friends either didn't drink at all or the type who had a drink watched a game ate some fries and went home. I cut off after work hanging out cuz my coworkers ran up tabs and drank beer like it was liquid gold.

[@MrEddieEvo]

I wish I had heard this when I was 25 years old. Now I am 38 and a signal dad of two kids. Shits ruff if you go down that road.

[@tugboat2]

It’s disturbing to me that he would consider her if she didn’t have a boyfriend…she’s already proven herself to have no integrity.

[@shannonobrien9922]

Don't kid yourself- if she even acted interested: he would b even more all over that!!!

[@joeyjojojrshabadoo7462]

Well obviously she wouldn't be cheating if she hadn't had a boyfriend at time now would she?

[@tugboat2]

@@shannonobrien9922Only desperate guys think like that…just sayin’…

[@tugboat2]

@@joeyjojojrshabadoo7462 She had a boyfriend but he said it wouldn’t happen again because of that. I’m saying she’s proven she is not trustworthy so she would never be a good choice…

[@joeyjojojrshabadoo7462]

@@tugboat2 No she wouldn't. If she cheats with you, she'll cheat on you. The guy does sound desperate, and not just for sex, emotionally starved.

[@mamaslittlemoments]

My husband and I were married at 19, 11 years and 5 beautiful children later ❤ We had some rough patches for sure, but God has carried us through it all 💞

[@tracieelrod7018]

I’ve been married for 25 years and also got married young… if it wasn’t for God we would have never lasted

[@TenzinMcveigh-ye7vj]

@@tracieelrod7018wow thanks ill make sure not to get married lol

[@CG-MP]

thank you. not enough people talk about how terrible hookup culture is for men. It's always focused on the women.

[@mademoisellemsc]

Exactly!

[@jackoh991]

I'm glad this man decided to talk about it. I think usually it's women who talk about it hence that's what's talked about

[@Pinkiiiiii9]

Well yeah, of course it's not talked about because men are socialized to be proud of their body count. Women are shamed. So women come forward and usually complain about it while men brag about it. Other men need to hold men accountable and it starts with guys like this who come forward and admit "hey, I feel awful I don't like this culture". I personally think hookup culture is awful all around for both men and women. Nothing about it is empowering.

[@timothy2491]

​@@Pinkiiiiii9havent you seen the call about the roommates? The guy was okay but the woman felt used. Thats because it affects us differently.

[@Slayer-Josh]

because its not terrible for men

[@manylaughs9002]

It’s great he feels remorseful. Learn from it dude and keep shaping yourself into a better man! Time for a new job, too!

[@C.P101]

She’s just looking for a pity party

[@liamlynch2115]

Don’t forget how awful this hangover feels. Don’t forget how awful cheating and ruining a relationship felt. Don’t forget the emotional hangover after you did x.

[@Stanley_Baby]

The woman has most of the guilt

[@gradius12]

Delusional. The dude was single and doesn’t owe any loyalty to a coworker’s boyfriend. The girl literally knocked on his door at 2 am and he’s not gay. It’s all on her.

[@tracieelrod7018]

@@Stanley_BabyI guarantee you, she has no guilt and thinks she got away with it

[@Stanley_Baby]

@@tracieelrod7018 Ok in which case she’s evil. We do live in quite an evil society.

[@IamRa-18]

What a guy, if that sad excuse for a girlfriend had even 1% of his integrity, she wouldn’t have knocked on his door at 2 am

[@kellibuzzard9431]

Yeah, what a guy...a weak one who is seeking help. Good for him.

[@jabbaweezy]

@@kellibuzzard9431 Seeking help as a man doesn't make you weak.

[@Stanley_Baby]

@@kellibuzzard9431 the woman is worse though, she’s a slut

[@piak78]

Nothing gud about the guy bro. If a hoe knocks on his door he's not supposed to even open the chain of his door. That's self respect and character. There are hoes everywhere. Men need to stop behaving like jackass just because some s3x addict ahole men centuries ago coined the phrase men will always be men. Men will always look etc. these were statements created by men to allow men a free pass into ladies skirts and blame it on their genes

[@fuckthepolice71]

@@kellibuzzard9431whats weak about seeking help? Atleast he takes accountability for his actions

[@WillE454]

Don’t drink on work trips, especially when the opposite sex is present.

[@piak78]

Better yet..Don't even go if opposite sex is present, especially if your married (happily or not). Nowadays I see these shameful conferences happening everywhere, even in my so called "conservative" country. Married women are wearing vulgar clothing, and going on office trips with male coworkers for days on end.

[@tvtvtfan3767]

@@piak78what about musicians and comedians,

[@anna-ij8rb]

You are very capable of controlling yourself while drunk

[@RG-hf4et]

He didn't have to answer the door & he didn't have to let her in his room.

[@rrickarr]

He would not have known who was at the door.

[@kathrynjavandel4357]

Literally every hotel room has a peephole that you can (and should) look through to see who's there before you open the door to let them in.

[@benjaminhough8804]

Anyone who knocks on the door at 2am probably shouldn't be let in...

[@charlesbell5500]

Come on, are you serious?

[@brittclay31497]

FIRST OF ALL, give the guy a freaking break!!! he's the one single! what would the comments be if the lady called in!? ridiculous... also, he's 25! im so glad at his age he even feels remorse about it!

[@sheenabees]

I'm glad that he called. He's 25 and if he's not careful he'll be 45 and doing the same thing after a string of bad hookups, a divorce and kids from different women. Let's not ignore that screwing your co-worker risks your employment.

[@LindaWbr]

Great caller, very courageous and seeking the truth. And great insight from Dr. Delony!

[@ThelifeofRachels]

He sounds like a genuinely nice guy and I really hope the best for him

[@JenLa8]

John is the master of painting a picture for all kinds of things.. love it ❤️

[@eatnplaytoday]

I’m female and hookup culture was never my thing. It’s amazing to me how much hookups have value these days among both men and women. I’m in a girls group on Facebook and they always encourage others to hookup and have fun. I disagree with their thinking though. I’ve been with my now husband since 2013 and I prefer it that way. Having multiple men doing things to me makes me feel icky and plus, I do not trust others easily to be so vulnerable (naked) in front of them

[@newfie_mom7300]

That’s insane these girls in this FB group encouraging other girls to hookup and have “fun.” Sounds like you need a better FB group. Do they put pressure on you to have this kind of lifestyle? I’m really sorry you are dealing with that. I would be so stressed.😬

[@dervishmichaels9147]

@@newfie_mom7300 It's "empowering" or something. As a guy who was single through the 3rd and 4th waves of feminism, it was fantastic.

[@jeretso]

If she cheats on her boyfriend she might cheat on her work. You know you can date women without alcohol. Some don't even drink and order water lol. My last date ordered a drink and did not finish it so I drank it. Alcohol is expensive too.

[@privacyplease1556]

This guy doesn’t believe he deserves love. That’s why he’s running from bed to bed

[@anthonywilliams9415]

😅😅

[@tabby73]

That's likely right

[@sharonb519]

First rule of thumb: Never crap where you eat!!!!

[@John.Christopher]

Yup .. I made this mistake..

[@angelapursley2811]

My Grammy used to say "never get your meat where you get your meat".😂😂😂😂

[@AquaGirl953]

“The ughh it itches” took me out 😂😂😂

[@timnichols7760]

"If you're not enough without it, you're never going to be enough with it." ~Cool Runnings You've got to build integrity with yourself first or nothing else will ever make you happy. "True self respect comes from dominion over oneself." ~ Steven Covey

[@belonging9200]

I think he's incredibly brave to work this out heads on, that he's bit just following blindly the no care f***** around culture that all present. That he reflects on his childhood conditioning and realises he wants more. I think it's amazing how he wants to lead forward instead of letting himself get sucked into toxic immature behaviour.

[@eileenmarter6993]

You have more character than your friends!!❤❤❤

[@colindavidson6483]

I met my future ex wife at work. Don’t sleep where you work guys..

[@tracieelrod7018]

My husband of 26 years threw are marriage away for a woman at work …

[@rv581]

The way this man dissected the problem is crazy ! He’s actually a genius

[@LC-pk4zz]

Pretty quick spot-on assessment of the situation with Miles. 👍

[@AtalucisNow]

Dr John completely bypasses the effect that cheating has on the only injured party in the scenario. The caller got laid and feels guilty, but a guy out there had his heart ripped out and it wasn't enough to even bring up to Dr John. Pushed right past it. I'm quickly losing all respect for John.

[@dominiquesantiago1811]

Sounds like he’s military. It’s sooo hard breaking that because so many people cheat and hookup and party and drink everyday. Breaking that seems to only happen when kids and marriage happen but making the decision to stop drinking and travel / find hobbies is so crucial.

[@dadthemillennial]

I won top 500 salesmen of the year and I had gone through a divorce and I didn’t go cause I was afraid I was gonna hook up

[@Esun11]

The fact that you are self-aware and you care about others suffering from your actions, that says a lot about you. Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself, and learn this life lesson right now so that it doesn't hunt you in your future. ❤ Remember that alcohol shrinks your brain and your subconscious!

[@michellelee487]

If it was the other way around and he threw himself at a drunk girl. It would be a crime.

[@bufficliff8978]

Women drink and bang all the time. Women drink TO bang more often. It's not a crime unless she's so intoxicated she can't make decisions, and he wasn't drunk like that.

[@gregorycarlson6632]

I do pretty much the same thing John does for a living. I don’t always agree 100 percent with John, but this was absolutely great advice for that kid. But the kid was great and was very open to what John was saying. But the other issue here is that the cheater’s boyfriend needs to know so that he doesn’t think that his girlfriend is loyal. How that’s accomplished is a tough question, but he deserves to know. There’s not a person reading this who wouldn’t want to know if your partner cheated on you.🤔

[@ChewieTomatoes1]

The lack of morals, sexual purity, and faith is really concerning amongst current generations. This guy’s issue is just a drop in the ocean. You can feel the desperation in today’s world. All the sex, drugs, alcohol, entertainment etc will not solve what you feel inside.

[@chriskozak7356]

Faith is the big one. But yeah, however alot of men are starting to wake up.

[@kellibuzzard9431]

John is a devout Christian. I really wish he would lean into the reality of that a bit more with his callers. He doesn't need to bash anyone with his Bible or even mention Jesus, but the bedrock of the values he espouses on his show are Christian. I truly think that if he suggested to young people, including this man, that they pivot to a religious community, to go looking for a smart, beautiful, wife-material young lady whom he could pursue, woo and marry. Wouldn't that be something?

[@yhiontop]

He is trying to reach a broader base and he has to approach that more professionally than faith based. He sometimes does when he can tell that the caller is open to it or in the faith but he probably doesn't want to limit his audience​@@kellibuzzard9431

[@mxusa8383]

Been going on since the hippie days bud. Youth are actually have less sex than older generations

[@RG-hf4et]

@mxusa8383 Agree, however, there wasn't the "Me, too" movement".

[@TinySkySky]

I was one of the worst versions of myself when I used to get drunk, I agree drinking only makes problems worse and destroys your health. One drink is ok but if you lose self control it’s best to just stay away.

[@solodolo_mma3971]

This scares the hell out of me, knowing my girlfriend is going on a work trip next month. Let the overthinking begin. 😐😂. Wish me luck, guys.

[@Namronnnn45]

"If a nigga can take your girl, he's doing you a favor"- Joe Budden

[@C.P101]

Just break it off now - these ‘women’ are photo copies

[@mitsubachi6865]

It might happen, don't lie to yourself. You can't put another human being on a leash. If she wants to, she will. You can't prevent it. Just keep in mind that most of the time, it has nothing to do with you. Her decisions, no matter what they are, don't challenge your value. Relax and see what comes next. Nothing may happen as well. No one can tell. Try not to overthink things.

[@srowlings6844]

Some men cheat, some women cheat. Not all men are cheaters neither are women. If you already have other legimate reasons to worry, then I'd address them. Otherwise it's not a great idea to dwell on unsubstantiated concerns because of something on KZbin.

[@C.P101]

@@srowlings6844 unsubstantiated? Go take a hike, bud -

[@daviduhler9413]

Coming from someone who has been complicit in cheating with someone - Dr John let him off easy. A technique he should do is sit alone with himself and imagine the girl he loves going up to another man’s room to cheat on him. He needs to feel the weight of his actions.

[@christinas5691]

I don't know. This guy worded everything like it all happened to him...the turning up of heat, the knock on the door, the divorced parents. John hit the nail on the head by pointing out that he gave his room number to this woman. He needs to first acknowledge that he is making choices and is responsible for them. He currently sounds like a cheater to me. Is he going to make all these excuses to a future wife? He's got a lot of work to do.

[@mandocampos98]

THE PROVERBS THIS MAN BE SPITTIN!!! Blessed is my path that I found a solid ass Man to learn from. You remind me so much of myself.

[@gabrielaortiz6463]

The invite me to your wedding I won't come was rude 😂😂😂

[@Bukurije_]

There is no justification for blaming alcohol for bad manners. You can drink a lot and still have morals, be faithful, etc. Drinking just gave him the courage to do what he wanted for a long time but couldn't have done sober. Having s** with someone who is already taken or cheating in a relationship is disgusting.

[@InspiringNotionz]

You’ll never meet Mr or Ms Right if you’re spending all your time with Mr or Ms Right Now.

[@sungchia280]

Many years ago, i realized the boy i had a huge crush on was not ever going to be romantically involved with me. It was devastating and i couldn't sleep that night. I got up to find something to eat in the fridge and saw the beer my roommate left in there. I don't/ cant drink alcohol but all of a sudden, i understood why so many people uses alcohol to escape the pain we all have to bear in life....sometimes it's just too much to take it straight without any support.....

[@Bethelgal42]

No sex with people you aren't married to...problem solved!

[@weisserwolf1155]

You're absolutely right!

[@Nick-bd2yv]

Yeah that sounds great for him if he has a Time Machine!

[@antonioiniguez1615]

85% of our problems would be solved if people actually listened to this advice.

[@Girlgonewise]

Exactly! 💯 agree!!

[@brightpage1020]

@@antonioiniguez1615a friend of mine is a nurse. Says 97% of cases he helps are situations people have gotten themselves into. Knowing better doesn’t always translate to doing better. His cases involve like morbid obesity or lung issues because of smoking for decades… If we all could stop doing the things that are bad for us, we wouldn’t need therapy either. Why do we hookup / smoke / eat / drink / addict ourselves to death? To cope. Because we think coping will be easier than changing. Even though we know ow cha gong will be healthier and better for us long term. We need that instant gratification. That easy fix for a bit… and we are willing to pay the price. Oh man are we willing to pay the price. Because then we get to complain about the price. And therapy about it. And feel important. If we had treated ourselves as important earlier and our future then we’d never be in this stitch. Dho! Quit coping start changing. Turn ourselves around - if that were so easy… none of us would be here and at least 1/2 our parents wouldn’t be married now probably. 😂

[@BigPapa81-wj8ud]

I’m curious why “telling the boyfriend” isn’t recommended? I understand it’s not really his obligation but…… isn’t that pretty much the definition of INTEGRITY, doing what is right, even when no one is looking.

[@JDAfrica]

Let’s play that out … The girl then says “he forced me” and “I was scared” … it’s a his word against hers. This guy then gets demoted or fired… or if it’s reported to the police, jail time.

[@BigPapa81-wj8ud]

@@JDAfrica I understand what you’re saying. Unless this happened a long time ago, wouldn’t there be most likely enough proof that that isn’t what happened? Ie. surveillance cameras in hotel hallways, eyewitnesses at bar, etc etc. also I am going off the info that HE provided & that’s not what happened, but she went to his room at 2 a.m. Thanks for your perspective. That never crossed my mind.

[@JDAfrica]

@@BigPapa81-wj8ud so, regardless - just the mere accusation of her against him… would ruin his reputation and loss of employment. Even, if after an investigation with video proving his innocence … he would still have lost work, lost money in legal fees and lost money hiring a private investigator. She would have said “perhaps I was mistaken” and have no repercussions. Why… because women are never held to the same standards as men.

[@teddymarian9416]

the more normalized it becomes to let strangers have immediate access to your body, the more of a liability you become to a relationship. they have no discipline- they cant even stop themselves after a kiss bc theyre so used to going all the way.

[@sandicook10]

He wasnt to drunk to get up and answer the door at 2am.

[@yota8325]

You can still be drunk and open a door. Most people are still capable of doing tasks when intoxicated but they lack part of the brain that thinks of consequences

[@Aweirdmushroom96]

Yep. Clearly a lie.

[@kellibuzzard9431]

Right. :)

[@benmyers9030]

He has been flirting with her already. He did this on purpose. He's full of it. Just called to humblebrag

[@benmyers9030]

He has been flirting with her already. He did this on purpose. He's full of it. Just called to humblebrag

[@mysticjen379]

She knocked on his door? Red flag! Can I just say as an old fashioned woman of 45 that decent *healthy* women (boyfriend or not) don’t knock on any man’s door at 2am. Unless she’s in serious imminent danger and needs help. Run don’t walk…

[@MsMinoula]

Absolutely correct on the room number part. No one needs to know. I once gave it to my female coworker getting a sudden period as 'ok, check at the kiosk, if they don't have anything knock at my door 412, I have pads'. And that's cause there was not much time before leaving.

[@carnivoreRon]

Why is he putting himself in these situations where he has sex with unfaithful people? Why is he promiscuous? But saying he doesn't want to unfaithful? Duh!!!! A severe disconnect between his statement and reality.

[@roymercer22]

Lol come on man, alcohol makes the wisest people act stupid and do stupid things. No excuses, but this doesn't need some philosophical reasoning.

[@joeyjojojrshabadoo7462]

​@@roymercer22I think the Doc was on to something on childhood loneliness. He knows it's wrong but has forgotten what a happy marriage would look like. He's going jump into bed at the first woman who batts her eyes.

[@hunternotbiden]

Sounds like “When I was at band…”. The look on John’s face during his story is classic.

[@jenn0802ifer]

Shame on both of them. They both knew better and still made a choice.

[@AtalucisNow]

Dr John completely bypasses the effect that cheating has on the only injured party in the scenario. The caller got laid and feels guilty, but a guy out there had his heart ripped out and it wasn't enough to even bring up to Dr John. Pushed right past it. I'm quickly losing all respect for John.

[@joeyjojojrshabadoo7462]

This is one of the few times the girl definitely did initiate everything. The man just wasn't strong enough.

[@iamshakuri]

@@AtalucisNowdoes this make sense for you? The other caller is not present. He is talking to the person that is here and teaching him to be better.

[@rickardotorres]

Don’t forget to remember… I have this now on my refrigerator, work desk, phone timer, and use it as an affirmation when I need it. Thank you Dr. Delony

[@Gonzeaux7]

This is random but the no regerts tattoo made me laugh the hardest I've laughed in a while

[@champagne4bfast]

😂 that definitely caught me off guard

[@toeguides]

The point about it being a decision way upstream is spot on.

[@linda__4587]

Why hook up? No self control?

[@JDAfrica]

Agreed - she didn’t have any self control at all

[@bufficliff8978]

@@JDAfricaNeither did he, braindead.

[@bufficliff8978]

Because it's fun

[@tugboat2]

Sometimes it’s just “easy” and it wasn’t planned. He has a plan now…

[@Lochnessmonsta10]

It's always good to write down what you do want in a partner or life in general 😊

[@BrandonOrtiz-i4u]

Just literally don’t be a trash person. Grow a pair and say no like a real man. Your character screams victim mentality and you can’t accept that fact. Being a trustworthy person is a start.

[@drakeisaskinwalker5104]

She’d just find a different guy so this one is on her

[@wmluna381]

​@@dabd8175Has yours hit the wall yet?

[@chronic2023]

I remember when "hooking up" didnt mean having sex. It just meant getting together, which nowadays may mean sex too. 😅😅😅

[@ermelinda2223]

That’s so true!

[@Mjl449]

Solid advice, as always.

[@AtalucisNow]

The advice might be solid, but he didn't even discuss the 1 thing the guy actually did wrong. John completely bypasses the effect that cheating has on the only injured party in the scenario. The caller got laid and feels guilty, but a guy out there had his heart ripped out and it wasn't enough to even bring up to Dr John. Pushed right past it. I'm quickly losing all respect for John.

[@tairschol6910]

5:25 - you missed "you're gonna wake up and the police will be at your front door. An allegation has been made against you"

[@santafilipina9020]

This could easily turn into a r*** charge and your life upside down whether you stay at or leave this job.

[@JDAfrica]

Yup! My thoughts exactly … this cheating women could easily say she was drugged, or didn’t consent. If reported to HR, he would be fired to demoted and she would be hailed as a brave lady and given a raise.

[@C.P101]

Hopefully it does - he’s gotta learn the hard way obviously.

[@9MPH]

Spot on advice. I hope this 25yo follows it bc it won’t get easier the longer you wait.

[@careycline8852]

Don't dip your pen in the company inkwell....

[@tdawg6877]

WOW, I’ve never felt as spoken too and seen as when he brought up entering every room with flirty energy and greasing social interactions with alcohol. I rly do feel like I have to be performing in social situations and it’s exhausting. Not only has it led me to drink more than I would like, but it also is exhausting to perform in every social interaction. That’s definitely something I am going to work on.

[@sungear]

It is soooooo easy to not sleep with people. No excuses.

[@cleaninggirl-2000]

As a woman, that female coworker is gross

[@thewitness829]

man, i really appreciate dr john and these videos so much. he gives such great insight and really inspires me to be better.

[@champagne4bfast]

I don’t even know why this guy called considering that he obviously overtly gave her his room number. He made the decision to sleep with her long before she showed up.

[@lilithowl]

And now he regrets it and wants advice with how to deal with it. That's why he called.

[@Spacegeezer]

Because he’s come to terms with his accountability and wants to fix himself?

[@champagne4bfast]

@@Spacegeezer I just don’t believe that

[@C.P101]

@@lilithowlor maybe she wants someone to tell her it’s okay and throw a pay on the back

[@gmarie3053]

He did some wrongs that he owned up to

[@marcusarelius]

So he doesn’t owe truth to the BF who is being unknowingly cheated on?

[@AtalucisNow]

Dr John completely bypasses the effect that cheating has on the only injured party in the scenario. The caller got laid and feels guilty, but a guy out there had his heart ripped out and it wasn't enough to even bring up to Dr John. Pushed right past it. I'm quickly losing all respect for John.

[@AingetheThinker]

Dr John is saving him from a beatdown.

[@iceman00behave]

Why would he owe the boyfriend? SHE owes it to her boyfriend, to tell him about her ho behavior.

[@marcusarelius]

@ Dude any sane person who feels bad enough to talk about it on a radio show, should naturally confess to the unknowingly abused BF. He doesn’t get a pass because he’s not the GF

[@leegee3848]

Why does he have to wait nine months to see a doctor!? I live in Canada. It takes me a week to get an appointment. That’s it, and it’s FREE!

[@henrytaylor7377]

That's what Americans think because their ignorant

[@kekejefferson9219]

Get an older man to call on your next work trip. Do not drink on work trips. Get a transfer at work. Work remote.

[@Igotwelched]

I feel like there are more people on earth that have been cheated on then not. It’s sad

[@sobc2737]

They both have zero integrity. They both knew and went ahead with it.

[@ellie-kc4kj]

johns face at the start lmfao. like he's heard it a million times

[@darlayeates510]

Why is it that so few people consider the consequences of sex outside of marriage? If you want a strong relationship with trust and a successful family, you must live a moral and chase lifestyle, which is chastity before marriage and complete fidelity after marriage. So many of societies problems would melt away if this was our expectation.

[@CaroLI-lh2re]

You don't have to wait until marriage, you jut have to be responsible.

[@TheHalfheartedproduc]

And you can get stuck in a marriage with someone you’re completely sexually incompatible with. Be a responsible adult and use caution then there’s no need to harbor shame about a normal intimate activity between 2 people. Theres less young people having sex now than in decades.

[@aetank_yyteawu3436]

@@TheHalfheartedproduc being sexually incompatible is such a fallacy. Sex isn’t something that is specific that you either have it or don’t. It’s a learning process yet so few actually try to learn. It’s like driving. Most people drive the same way they did 15 years ago, the only difference is they have perfected their mediocracy. There are literally sex therapist and “taboo” programs that help people learn their sexual language, wants, desires, improvements etc. yet so few actually go. Hell most people go to marriage counseling trying to solve the sexual “incompatibility”, therapist have literally said a good amount of their clients have this issue. I’ve spoken with female friends who have brought up the nonsense of sexual incompatibility only to find out that the guys just didn’t know how to touch them or explore them properly. Their mouths dropped when I told them that these guys can actually learn. It’s an oxymoron to be intimate emotionally yet be sexually incompatible when the literal sense of sex is the most intimate action 2 humans can share. It boils down to not being an expert and simply doing the same routine you do because “it works”. You can drive 25 different cars over the last 20 years and still be mediocre. Or you can take a 2 year professional driving program, use one car, and will be able to transfer your knowledge to another vehicle in any track under any driving conditions. Sex is everywhere but the egos of many prevents them from learning and bettering themselves which then turns learning into a taboo.

[@TonyCox1351]

@@aetank_yyteawu3436 You're actually arguing in favor of the existence of sexual compatibility. You're saying some people, will naturally just have great sex with you. And others will have to be committed to learning and going to a sex therapist and putting in work in order to have great sex with you. You're saying that there exists different level of sexual compatibility within partners. Would you apply this logic to any other facets of a relationship? "Yes you guys have incompatible views on money, but dont worry you can just go to therapy to change it after you're married". That would be a horrible way to start a life together. The fact of the matter is, in most cases this isnt going to work out....look at how many dead bedrooms there are out there. I hear a lot more of "I havent had sex with my partners in ages" than I hear "my partner went to a sex therapist and became a freak in the sheets"

[@TheRealHerbaSchmurba]

🥱

[@AdisaCar]

This is one of the reasons I stopped drinking publicly. I’ll have a glass of wine at home, by myself, but public intoxication feels like a recipe for disaster/regrets for me.

[@lav7161]

This feels like a phone call where he wants people to feel sorry for him. If you feel so bad, go ahead and tell the boyfriend what you did. Stop looking for pity from others.

[@mattymatt8]

Nah forreal!! I get the same vibe

[@lilithowl]

Don't be so ridiculous: confessing is just to unburden the confessor, and will do nothing but harm to the boyfriend.

[@dahliaherrod4301]

You trying to get that man killed?!

[@biolife3274]

I kinda get bragging. I would never make this phone call.

[@tugboat2]

You obviously have never met someone who makes the same mistake & doesn’t know how to get out of the bad cycle. Maybe you would love the interaction with a co-worker (boyfriend or not) so you can’t relate to the caller’s motives.

[@atb154]

He said, "we were friends." Now you know when she says, "He is just a friend."

[@aigredouxx]

Relationships are difficult

[@tessaoshea5697]

If you do something bad you don't move past it for your own feelings. You sit in the justifiable guilt and decide to act better going forward.

[@elizabethpieters7798]

He gave her his room number. He wanted to hook-up.

[@roymercer22]

Very good chance room numbers came up in causal conversation amongst the group. Been on work trips and people wanted to know where others are staying.

[@user-jg6sf8jw5k]

Look at a women dodging accountability and blaming men.

[@jhor729]

Or...she kept an eye out when they were checking in, and she independently discovered which door was his

[@moegreene7940]

Work trips - everyone knows what floor and room number you’re in

[@Pinkiiiiii9]

Yeah, I've been on several work trips with both men and women together and we share room numbers all the time, one time one of the guys invited everyone to their room to have beers and chill after our work conference. Now to an outsider that may sound crazy but we're all different ages ranging from 20s to 40s and most of them are in solid marriages and some with kids too (I think me and one other woman and man were the only ones single). We're always VERY professional with each other so there wasn't any problem to share room numbers, like it's out of the question for anything inappropriate to happen just knowing our dynamic lol. If we knew of some inappropriate behavior we may not have shared room numbers. Maybe the guy should've known better since it would be pretty obvious if she was being flirty and inappropriate, but then again he was drunk... Poor judgement. But regardless the woman is to blame for instigating the inappropriate behavior. He was then to blame for allowing it to go further by sharing his room number and going further. Even if he was the one who offered the number and asked her to come over: she didn't have to show up?? Especially since she's the one in a relationship?

[@thedorsinator]

Brilliant. Wish some older man had told me all of this when I was 18.

[@standground8284]

It's weird that you didn't instinctively pick up on this on your own.

[@ermelinda2223]

@@standground8284right? You know right from wrong. You make the decision. Own up to it

[@admirallily]

I mean there’s a fairly easy way to avoid these types of situations.