I Kissed Courtship Goodbye with Josh Harris | Friends With Davey

[@esther3917]

45:54 it’s really refreshing and brave of him to speak out when he realized the negative impact of his books. I have a lot of respect for that. I was all in on the books back in the day so I really appreciate hearing him speak now with us all having time and perspective on the whole culture back then.

[@Sarah-re7cg]

Huge props to this guy for plugging his ex wife’s book. Him doing that and talking about her in a matter of fact way sounds like they have a mutual respect for each other and recognize one another’s experiences throughout this culture they both lived in.

[@lilcrabbybabby]

Joshua Harris spoke at my high school. We were Catholic, so purity culture hadn't snuck in as heavily as in evangelical churches, but his books definitely affected so many young young girls. I'm glad Josh is speaking out against these ideas now, so much deconstruction we all need to do

[@Wonderwomantam]

I can appreciate Josh’s willingness to admit when he’s wrong. He does seem sincere. I just read Shannon’s book. I couldn’t put it down and read it in one sitting. I appreciate her honesty.

[@nickywal]

It's so good to see people who did harm, speaking out and trying to fix what they helped break in the first place. It's the only way people should be forgiven but it can take a lot of courage to do so, especially for men

[@machtnichtsseimann]

I generally agree, though it takes courage for women to do as well. ( Come across some Christian cowards in female form along with men. Cowardice stretches across the Church. )

[@middlesismonica]

I think Josh’s parents and the church leaders in Josh’s orbit at the time are partially to blame for the fallout from IKDG. What rational adult allows a young man, barely 19 to write a book of advice when he didn’t have any real, lived, life experience? Josh couldn’t have published this book on his own and promoted it. He was propped up by the adults around him.

[@amymcauliffe3237]

Josh, your courage and honesty are so encouraging!

[@daveyjaxx]

He really is an inspiration 🙏🏻❤️

[@alyssa51]

Thank you Josh, for bringing back so many memories. My family and I went to his dad’s church for a few years after the book was published. It was a predominantly homeschooling church so it was full of awkward, hormonal teens 😂

[@daveyjaxx]

And I guarantee all those kids went crazy a few years later once they could make their own decision 😂🙏🏻

[@claycasassa4757]

Great interview. This is going on the playlist to my parents, explaining the harmful things they taught me, to them. Thank you.

[@thecultchronicles]

Super awesome interview Davey! I’ve been so curious about Josh Harris’ journey since denouncing his book. I recently read Sharron’s book too which was so so amazing. Thanks for such a great guest and btw: Loved hearing more about you too! 🎉

[@tdsollog]

Thank you for speaking about this… especially the abuse.Approximately 85% of the abuse survivors know their perpetrators.

[@laurengarcia1023]

I loved this interview❤ It's so true how weird fundie culture makes you. Every time a Christian woman wrote a book about submission, I'd read it cover to cover and leave so disappointed. That was not at all what I fantasized about when I thought about submitting, but I kept hoping to find it 😂 And of course I couldn't read anything worldly, so I just kept looking.

[@r.j.miller]

On Elizabeth Elliott’s book. During your conversation I realized how we romanticize a relationship that sadly was less than 10 years long. And that book created the false expectations that we were why we could not read romance novels.

[@middlesismonica]

Good interview. Next have Josh’s ex-wife Shannon on your show to discuss her new book called, “The Woman They Wanted” I just finished her book and her perspective is interesting.

[@daveyjaxx]

Oooo this is such a good call! I’m not sure how to get in touch with her but we’ll figure it out 🙏🏻❤️

[@tiffanyhasleftthebuilding9070]

And it’s kinda funny to hear Josh saying that he “doesn’t tick any of the boxes” (saying that he judged those who didn’t tick the boxes, as being orthodox enough in their beliefs and practices)… JESUS DIDN’T TICK THE BOXES EITHER y’all - they called Him a heretic and hung Him up on a cross because He didn’t tick enough boxes lol. IDK, just food for thought dude…

[@esther3917]

12:28 that wasn’t him on the cover?? My whole teenage years are shattered 😂 I was always sure that was him hahaha

[@bevrichardson4900]

I remember buying these books for my 3 teens. Their youth group followed it so much but I had run from a very strict cult at age 20. I felt it was too strict but def followed some of the principles. I definitely did not do everything right with my kids but having escaped an extreme cult from birth I was flying blind. Hindsight is a great thing. Now I have teen grandkids so still learning. I call myself a Christian but I am not religious.

[@tiffanyhasleftthebuilding9070]

Davey, Nobody else’s opinion matters. Idk about you, but my relationship is between God and me - NOT God and everyone else who wants to have an opinion about MY relationship with Christ!!! So keep being you, JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. God isn’t looking for posers, actors or desperate wannabes - He’s looking for you and for me, “Just As I Am.”

[@daveyjaxx]

Absolutely agree and the more people that realize this the more free we can all be 🙏🏻❤️

[@Sarah-re7cg]

9:45 I think it’s also important to note that the teens and young adults in the 60s who were looking to break out of that authoritative and regressive culture had absolutely no concept of what a healthy and safe relationship with sex looked like. They were still living in the realm of how life was and how it should be as defined by these regressive, authoritarian, biblical ideals because they only knew the opposite of that framework. They didn’t know sex as a completely neutral concept (this list is non-exhaustive and expands way beyond just repressive and harmful ideas regarding sex and sexuality).

[@FabioFinancial]

I love you guys. Truth is now my religion. I have not given up the ancient text because it was lessons that our forefathers thought were important. I just don’t think that it is infallible.

[@haleycooke1814]

Thank You for speaking out against books you previously published. I feel that, once kids from cults experience the world, these purity structures reflect toxic views on reltionships and the value of a woman only as an arranged partner who had children and manages the home. And then, to put the power of autonomy only in the hands of the father, puts extreme pressure on men. To be the breadwinner and in charge of the entire family is so outdated and doesn't allow for men to feel and unserstand thier emotions in a heathy way. All these layers make things so complicated. And to hear you talk about how your views have changed since then. It's brave, and shows that ideals can change. Like other things they are fluid and influenced by the world around you. So insightful.

[@melaniehuff1047]

My youth pastor LOVED this book…and if I could I would go back in time and pummel him about the ears with the copy I was required to purchase.

[@ninaschultz6922]

Thanks for this amazing & frank interview, Davey! Mmh, when you speak on difficulty of commitment in partnerships, I believe that problems later in life have not really to do with purity/christianity, but rather that this religious issue is a classic background scenario for screwed up family dynamics to play out. Such broken family dynamics may harm children in their ability to seek, gain and keep trusting, loving and respectful relationships. Tolstoi wrote in 1877/78 that all happy families somewhat seem alike, yet unhappy families each have their own story (Anna Karenina). One can get away from harmful family influence and later in life learn about trust, love and respect. But distrust, fear, guilt, shame and such emotions may be seated deep within. In committed partnerships, any unresolved issues (from both partners) will come up over time as life goes on and s*** hits the fan. Life isn't easy that way.

[@deliverancemusic7]

I vote to have him back. As a survivor would like to hear how his beliefs have changed.

[@leannedietrich7884]

This is gonna be GOOD!!!! Let's do this! 💪🏻😁

[@daveyjaxx]

Definitely one of my favorite guests 🔥🔥

[@leannedietrich7884]

Sweet! I can only imagine what he has to say about his book, then taking it all back! Damn... He didn't write the book til my senior year of Highschool, so I haven't had the dis-privalege (lol) of reading it

[@renee8833]

ARE YOU KITTEN ME?!! Lmao not the book that ruined my adolescence 😂

[@daveyjaxx]

Sameeee 😂😂

[@Deuteronomy649]

Great interview, Davey! I’ve been really curious about how he is navigating his relationship with his parents and siblings. I was hoping he would have touched on that. Was that a topic that was off limits? I haven’t read or heard anything public from his dad or siblings on the subject.

[@philipcallado5693]

Thanks to Josh I passed up on so much potential sex in college because I wanted to save myself for marriage. 😂 although to be fair I haven’t slept with a ton of women even after becoming an atheist. Even though I no longer adhere to any religious teachings, there’s still something meaningful about not just sleeping around with a bunch of women you barely know. I’ve attempted to start a “ho phase” about two years ago, and while hooking up was fun at first, eventually I wanted something more meaningful. I guess Josh’s books appealed to people like me who wanted something more than just fun times and sex. Even though religion wasn’t the answer, at least people like me were validated in a way. Crazy that someone I considered a hero at the time and kind of a religious icon is now in a similar place. But Josh seems like a legitimately good dude, and that’s what drew me to him and his work in the first place. I wish him all the best.

[@kellyanderson1933]

great interview…

[@sird2333]

Didn’t have to kiss dating goodbye. I didn’t date. Saved a ton of of money! Bought lots of CDs!!!!

[@Nkkdawson]

Oh yay Doug Philips. My family was/is a true and faithful follower/s of Vision Forum… I am not! I left all of this crazy quackery many years ago but it taken many years to connect the dots.

[@daveyjaxx]

I remember meeting Doug for the first time and thinking “there’s something off with this guy” 😂

[@shortybarnesyanik]

My parents made me read I Kissed Dating Goodbye so many times. 😩😝🤪

[@BarbaraCarty-zc8dn]

So good to hear people thinking things through… I’d like to hear what you think about why you need to equate « fundamental « with cult… Seems kinda knee jerk….

[@RomanNavy87]

Oh man my parents tried to make me read his books and wouldn't allow me to date growing up because of them lol

[@judyheller8814]

Can’t figure out if Josh is sincerely or if this is another way for him to make money.

[@samuelboers4488]

So Josh used the church for a book he hugely benefited from. Now he makes another book to make money. At some point people need to realize he’s still part of the problem. He’s a nut

[@markyontz9119]

Interesting take

[@makeitgoleft]

I have to echo what you, Davie, said at the end about how Josh made questioning courtship a safe thing to do. My parents held Josh in such high regard that when he took a deeper look they weren't as afraid of me challenging the conservative relationship rules. I used to think that I was crazy for not believing the whole courtship thing. But hearing Josh's, and others, voices made me realize I wasn't the crazy one. So, thanks Josh.

[@daveyjaxx]

It was such a powerful validating moment and so cool to hear as an ex-culter/courter

[@margueriteburnette3249]

I’m going to disagree a little. While there were some parents who saw this as protection for their children, many many more saw it as the perfect opportunity to exert even more control. Fundamentalist religion of any sort (yes even you Baptists) is ultimately about control. And it doesn’t end when the children are grown. My parents bemoan having two ungrateful children. But the reality is my brother and I are almost no contact with them in order to maintain our own sanity.

[@Sarah-re7cg]

Omg!!! What an incredible interview to pull together!! This channel is a gold mine!

[@Nkkdawson]

I have all of your books. I was made to read them by my parents.

[@hollywebster6844]

I'm in seminary, working toward an MDiv. For people who have not studied the Bible and doctrine from a theological and academic aspect, seminary can really rock their faith. Some churches only expect memorization rather than critical thinking, and see questioning as a sign of weakness. An accredited and solidly academic seminary education requires deep questioning and exploration of faith and doctrine. This experience will change you if you continue with the degree program. Many of my cohort dropped out after the first year.

[@thrumewindow]

I relate with Davey about identifying as a Christian but not tied down to the church culture. I also relate so much when Josh mentioned about pastor’s struggling to find work outside of church. I worked in the church for 7 years and I struggled to write my resume and what my next step would be. Now, I’m a teacher. Using those bible study leading skills to good use 😂

[@huffysheraton]

Bill Gothard = L. Ron Hubbard IBLP = Scientology

[@Sunny14136]

Wow. Great and fun conversation.

[@SherryWallace-e7i]

Thank you for another great interview. I so appreciate the honesty and transparency 😊

[@AndreacardonaDauntlessandre]

Loved this interview ❤