I'll never be 29 again

[@shelleydenison]

I'm 34, and let me tell you my absolutely favorite thing about early/mid 30's: you're old enough to have the wisdom to understand how young you still are.

[@kellyhopchin2922]

Honestly, kind of needed to read this. I'm 29 next month and I'm so afraid.

[@shelleydenison]

@@kellyhopchin2922 welcome to the best years of your life, my friend 🧡

[@letygarza1376]

Happy Birthday Cheyenne! From your Pre-cal teacher-Ms. Suarez! So proud of all of your accomplishments!

[@cheyennebarton]

this is a really late response but thank you so much ms. suarez 😭😭 i hope you’re doing well!!!

[@rarelymary]

A few years ago (I'm about to turn 50 years old and I'm from Sweden) I came across this poem by Kristina Lugn on the street one day (roughly translated) "There is grief in living. If you don't understand that you'll never be happy". It blew my mind. And I'm someone that doesn't understand poems, at all. (Not sure if it was supposed to be a poem though) It's really hitting hard now that my parents, my friends, we're all ageing and we're starting to be closer to the end than the beginning of life. There's not much one can do about it but it is so very saddening. It is grief. On a lighter note I love how you dealt with your inner critic by saying "I love you" every time you said or thought something bad about yourself. I'm definitely going to try that out for myself. Much love and Happy Birthday from Sweden!

[@jiawen3683]

cheyenne, you might not see this comment, but i’m 24 now and have been so cruel and unkind to myself with my self-talk. your video made me believe i’ll get better and that life only gets bigger, that the world doesn’t end because i feel myself not living up to what i want. thank you for this video, it feels like a warm hug 🍁

[@isabelzerr8923]

sobbing, crying, weeping... this is such a lovely reminder to be kind to ourselves, and that there's always a better tomorrow on the horizon. I'm about to graduate college and have been a twinge frightened of moving onto the next phase of my life, so thank you for sharing all your thoughts on this stuff 💕 happy happy birthday!!

[@Ferncovered]

I'm turning 35 on the 20th, and this made me all sentimenty thinking back to turning 30, and how at peace i was to be hitting that age. 5 years down the line, I'm still peaceful. My life is cozy and warm, i get to play pretend with my friends too. And I love myself, I love the things I used to hate (my body, my armpit hair, my loud laugh, my autistic mind). I'm so happy I made it here. I'm so proud of teenage Fern for not giving up. I'm proud of 19 year old Fern for moving out on her own. I'm proud of 31 year old Fern for leaving a relationship that was bad for her. And I'm proud of 35 year old Fern for still being happy to learn and grow. I'm proud of every piece, part, and aspect of my journey. Happy 30th Chey, and welcome to the next leg of your journey

[@shelleydenison]

I love this so much! I turn 35 this year too, and I just feel so much peace about my age and about the passing of time.

[@ozzyy2886]

omg we have the same birthday, although i turn 18 on the 20th! i think reflecting on age and experience is valuable at every point in life and i really hope that i will have a peaceful cozy time in my 30s (yes in a long time but still). im so grateful that im as young as i am, and at the point of loving myself and working through the bad things in the past. i find these accounts of people older than me to be very comforting because maybe adulthood isnt as scary and chaotic as it seems and maybe i will get my peaceful cottagecore and knit/crochet dream

[@polarknight856]

Me too! It feels nice to be older and able to pass down my knowledge and life experiences to younger friends :)

[@mopeylopey4556]

Late to the (birthday) party, but I just wanted to say that when I watch your videos now, I often think about an old one of yours from maybe 2018-19. It was talking about SAD and feeling so, so hopeless and lonely, I remember you saying that you hated winter because it always felt like this, and you didn’t know how to cope with it. As awful as it was, I cannot express how much it helped to know that a complete stranger in a similar situation felt the same way. In a more recent video, more than 4 years later, I could hear and feel the joy in your voice when you said that you just loved winter in Seattle, how cosy it was and how much you look forward to it, and I can honestly say I had to pause the video and try not to cry. We don’t know each other, I doubt you’ll even see this, but I am so so full of pride and joy and gratitude at being able to see your journey as an artist and as a person. It has been an utter gift and a privilege, and if you ever choose to take a step back from social media please know that so much of your content has helped so many simply by virtue of having been there. I love your older videos, but I can happily say I relate to your new ones a lot more now. Love your content as always, and wishing you a happy 30th year being here :)

[@catrionaoldfield3489]

feels a bit pretentious commenting over a month later and also not even being close to 30 (im only 25) but i found your channel recently and ive been going through your vlogs and videos cos they're so so cosy and really nice and relaxing - and ive seen you grow and change along the way so much. seeing your younger mid-20s self (especially during 2020-2021, oof) reminded me of my late teens and early 20s, and i recognised a lot of my own fears and scary feelings i had back then in those versions of you. it's really nice to see you've come so far and have grown to love yourself so deeply and strongly, to see how much you've changed in unexpected ways and what you've done with the time you have. i've changed a lot from my younger self too and i feel more complete and at home with myself now at 25 than i ever did at 20. you seem like you're a lot happier with yourself and your place in the world too, and it makes me happy to see you celebrate that, celebrate all of what comes with being alive. obviously ive still got a lot of growing to do, and we've both got a whole life ahead of us. but it's been lovely seeing bits of your journey along the way, and this video was a very heartwarming embrace to all of it, i felt. thanks for being you, cheyenne. here's to more years of discovery and growth together, for all of us 🌻i can't wait to see where we go

[@halfa_slice]

oof, this really hits. im at a pretty large turning point in life, and am extremely nostalgic and sentimental all the time. i've been doing so many things to revel in nostalgia, like playlists, content, etc. because i just Want It Back. there is so much i long for and it's basically adult-ified childhood. the wonder, joy, laughter, fun, and beauty of adolescence but in a grown context. i'm not near turning 30, but i totally relate to your experiences with sentimentalism and nostalgia, and not wanting to let it go, or just wanting to go back. i understand. thank you for this video

[@apple.cheeks]

You shine so bright Chey

[@apple.cheeks]

After I turned 25, I also felt a sense of dread and sadness that everyone else around me was getting older and that time was still moving on even when we aren't ready for it to. Now I'm almost 27 and lots of these feelings are bubbling over, thank you for sharing from where you are now it's comforting :')

[@sianswinton4623]

Hi Cheyenne, I've been subscribed to you since pretty much the beginning and I remember those sad videos in the small apartment and how comforting they were at the time. I turned 30 in January and feel like I could have made this exact same video. That journey of self-love is one I've been on for at least the last decade and to be in a place where I can truly say I like who I am is a wonderful revelation. I'm very much enjoying being 30 so far. I spent so much of my early 20s wishing I was older and so much of my late 20s wishing I was younger, I feel just right now. Thank you so much for making this and I hope you enjoy being 30! 💛

[@djsadbean]

I went into this video thinking it'd be a chill chatty video and now I'm feeling so... grounded and reflective and hopeful. I've been watching your videos for 7 years now (I was 17, now 24) and aging has always made me so scared because I wonder if I'll ever get to live any life that'd be happy. It's been rough, but I like the process of looking back at your younger self and talking to them. I'm thinking back to 17 year old me and I was so devastatingly sad. I didn't think I would ever see my 20s. Now I've come to a place where I'm loving myself where I'm at, I feel so confident in the person I'm growing into. I've looked up to you for so long now and it feels like I've got to watch an internet big sister do all the scary things before I do and it makes me less scared to go through it myself. I've been made brave by your videos and sincere thoughts and ramblings. (Not to mention you've been so kind to me in IG dms the random times I reply to your stories or have something to tell you :D I know answering strangers can take a lot of mental energy so it's really meant the world). I hope you have an amazing birthday and thank you so much for sharing this video with us. I finished the video 10 minutes ago and I'm still crying haha. I'm so happy to call myself a Cheyenne Barton fan 💛💛💛 Take care! - Sarah

[@emilywezeman]

I'm turning 27 soon and everything you said I really relate to. From the ADHD diagnosis (still trying to find a med that doesn't also trigger anxiety 😢) and that melancholy feeling. I remember last summer telling my therapist it almost felt like nostalgia and grief for what I thought the world would be like as a child and how it compares to the real thing. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and yourself!

[@vanessaraulino5590]

I’m about to turn 30 in November, and this video was so cool and hard to watch. I’m glad that i watched it hahaha thank you for sharing your thoughts, I relate with them so much ❤ I also started to play dnd with my friends recently 😂 it’s a weekly reminder that I can still create, fantasize and that I’m not old to dream.

[@astoriarosewood5135]

I relate to this SO much. The exact same thing happened to me at the same age. 29 was the onset and I turned 31 a few weeks ago and the moderate to severe existential dread has only just started to settle. Likely because I’ve found some life direction to distract me lol. Preemptive grief is a pretty good way of describing it tbh. Wishing you well from someone the world away but a mile apart 🥹🌙

[@itskatieparks]

As someone who has just entered her twenties, this video really hit home for me. You're such an inspiration to me Cheyenne! Onwards and upwards!

[@mcarlisle3559]

i've got a few weeks left of 29...holding onto this beautiful video for the time between. honestly i never thought i'd get here- my 20s were like a whole lifetime of woes and trials, and being here feels like the end and the beginning all over again. i've had little breakthroughs in habit, understanding that i'll grow older, that i will, that i am, that i want to. let's all get into our 30s!

[@furrylittlepeach]

lots of love!

[@gremlingrandparent]

preemptive grief is exactly what i’d call that feeling. i’ve been feeling it a lot lately, esp watching my parents get older while they live far away, wishing i could spend more time with them than i am currently able to. also the visual of looking back and seeing all your past versions of yourself resonates so hard for me. i picture my younger selves as nesting dolls that live in my chest right next to my heart, and sometimes i metaphorically take them all out and line them all up and check in with them and let them express whatever they’re feeling or thinking about our present life, then once they’ve expressed themselves, i stack them all back up inside themselves and tuck them in to my chest next to my heart, and wait for when i hear them rattling around when they need to be heard again. all that to say, this was emotionally cathartic and comforting and wonderful to listen to, and i love you so much, all the way from the other side of the country, happy birthday you beautiful wonderful ethereal human 💕

[@leicean]

Crying on the floor of my childhood bedroom listening to this rn I turned 21 a couple months ago and I’m in the same situations I was in at 16 when I was the most mentally ill (pre medicated). I live with my parents bc I can’t afford to move out despite my best efforts and it’s so easy to have a feeling of downward spiral and being stuck. I graduated college and nothing has changed. I was diagnosed with autism and adhd as an adult and I’m on the same track you were of trying to heal those childhood patterns of self hatred, but I don’t have the space to do so bc I’m where it all happened

[@lyndsaymonique2505]

Happy birthday! Im 35 turning 36 soon. I still honestly dont feel I've lived life this long. Its truly a beautiful experience even through the ups and downs. ❤ I to wish I could talk to my younger self.

[@pontsuleinchen]

I just turned 30 a couple days before you, and can totally understand the whole sentiment about it. Turning 30 feels so big, so grand, yet its just another day, kind of. A lot of my co workers are in their early 20''s, and they always asked me about my thoughts about getting older. During talks with them I realized: getting older isn't too scary, and that I'm excited for my 30's. That I am grateful and happy to have made it until here. 2024 so far is about being nicer and more compassionate toward myself. This video was a nice and gentle reminder that everything will be okay eventually. Lots of love and happy belated birthday dear cheyenne! ♥

[@Krati.sharma]

Is anyone here 40 or is it just me? My body hurts most days, I need to keep a check on what I eat / drink every day day after day else my body starts to behave badly, I feel like perimenopause is coming up or already happening with me right now, I am surely having a sort of a mid life crisis. Iv come out of depression and deal with anxiety every day. I am single, divorced, design entrepreneur who is also dating someone 15 years younger and there are days I feel like idk what the fuck I'm doing despite trying my best every day. Ageing is hard but also cathartic at times. This video resonated so much with me, you've expressed it beautifully. you're special Cheyenne! HBD

[@autisticbucky]

i put off watching this video for months bc i know how hard hitting it would be. this was such a gorgeous and heartfelt video… thank you so much for sharing it, chey. happy belated birthday and i hope you are doing well 💛

[@kelleytoombs]

Loved this. Happy very belated birthday to you! I turned 40 last week. And a lot of what you said resonated, I don't feel old, I don't care about wrinkles or aging. I didn't have a big celebration. I too have become very aware of the passage of time. I'm from Prince Edward Island but moved to Toronto about 14 years ago and I relate to that feeling of being far away from family knowing that they're aging right along side me. It's very bittersweet, getting older. I had a lump in my throat through most of this video. You made me think a lot about my past "selves" and what would I say to those versions of myself. Look how far you've come!! Thanks for taking the time to reflect on a new decade. I needed that too. You'll love 30. ❤

[@iadian]

Yeah YOU are great! Happy birthday to you 🎂 Thankyou for being here and thank you for being a little warm gentle beautiful creative inspiring part of my life, love you too!

[@misaandcoart]

Thank you for this glimpse into your thoughts and experience with turning 30. I personally am still 29 right now and I will admit it's been on my mind a lot. I still have 9 months until my 30th and I'm terrified, nervous, scared but also at ease knowing that 30s is when you have the wisdom to understand how life truly is and built your personal identity. There's so much pressure to get everything right during your teens and 20s that it seems silly looking back thinking everything had to be solidified then. I aim for my 30s to be a time of exploring and freedom. Freedom of expectations and people pleasing, and exploration of languages, cultures, hobbies and countries. I am both looking forward to and dreading turning 30. While I do have a baby face so I generally receive compliments for my youthful appearance, I can't help but notice the ever-increasing crease across my forehead and the deepening laughter lines. Such a strange time to be alive. Happy birthday and my sincerest wishes for your happiness, love and joy moving into this new chapter of your life. ♥

[@LisaIsabelle]

I'm so late but happy belated birthday to a very wise-beyond-her-years 30yo! I didn't expect to tears up at the gym this morning and yet here I am! 😅 What you said starting @7:04 reminded me of a poem I read a few months ago on IG and didn't save (!!!) but it was something along the lines of : "I hope when you come back home to yourself. There will be flowers lined on the porch to cheer you up. Left by all the other versions of the woman you used to be." I wish I could remember what it was exactly and mostly who the author is, if someone can help!

[@mayyishgirl]

this video uh really hit me hard .. i’m not turning 30 but my husband turned 30 . this year , so watching him experience all this on his own , and i tried to comfort him but how can i, when i feel same about my birthday .i’m still in my 20”s . i just turned 26 this year and watching my animals age my parents and siblings scares me very overwhelming ❤❤ . i was the youngest of sibling and cousins and i wish i could find more comfort . i have no path , i just do these hobbies . and hope one day the anxiety will surpass . it’s not all the time but everyday i think so much . ❤ thanks for this video i did find relief in knowing where you are at your age . thanks for this .❤

[@CristinaGomez]

Happy Birthday! I completly feel you. One of the things that I hate of getting older is seeing my parents, grandmas, husband, my cat getting older too. I live far away from my family and I have the feeling i am missing their lives.we talk a lot every day by phone, but i remember each day how it was living with them, my childhood and this stuff. I turn 40 on July! 😊

[@prospero632]

I secretly establish a one-woman fan club for every single pet of my favorite illustrator/youtuber in my mind and from now on, I want to be referred as the president of Pepper fan club. Thank you.

[@goodmornindreamer]

Happy Birthday! I definitely have been feeling this with noticing things about myself that weren't present when I was younger. I'm 28 now, but have noticed changes on my face, body, and movements. But at the same time, I know that I'm excited to get older and see what the future holds. My 20s held so much sadness and pain from just trying to figure life out.

[@millie9814]

I exited the cult I was raised in when I was 25, and now I'm 26, so I feel like I'm just getting started

[@Ash-ut6zh]

Happy Birthday Cheyenne!!! This makes me so nostalgic because I started watching you when you were 23 and I turned 23 last week! You've been such a good company through the years and I'm so grateful to have found your art and your videos!! Sending you loads of love❤

[@Prinsomnia]

i know i'm late cheyenne, but happy birthdaaaaaay! 💖 really proud of you. because of this video i'm suddenly aware how deep i am in it rn trying to love myself better. (for perspective, i'm 25 this year!) thank you for making me extra hopeful for the light at the end of the tunnel. *hugs with consent*

[@tigerm0th]

Wow thank you for sharing your thoughts about getting older. It’s comforting to know people are going through it and coming out the other side smiling and hopeful and at peace. I’m turning 33 in a couple of days and in some ways I feel better than I have ever felt. At the same time, I’m starting to feel panicked about being single, not having friends to spend time with in person anymore, probably not being able to buy a house, parents are aging, wondering if I’ll regret not having kids…Lots of things in my life are hard for me and I’m doing my best and taking it one day at a time, but I fear I’ll regret my life at the end.

[@lunalupe.studio]

I did not have crying on my to-do list today. This was beautiful. Thank you for sharing part of your meaningful milestone with us. Wishing you a very happy birthday. 🎂🌸

[@aeniway]

Cheyenne, I am only a few minutes into this video and my soul feels understood ❤ I'm turning 30 in a few days too, and the three songs you listed as part of your sad-ish millennial playlist are by exactly the same singers/bands that make me feel this weird, gloomy, happy, chest-opening way... 🌼 I feel so small sometimes and then I can't believe that I've already seen 30 summers, have lost a lot of people, have gained so much joy, and still feel like I'm only starting my life just now... Happy Birthday 🌼 thank you for this. I can't wait to watch the rest 🥰

[@HermitwithKrisi]

I turn 30 this September and I've been feeling like I've already turned 30 two years ago. And just a few days ago it kinda hit me that "Oh, my brain has already been set to 30 that I didn't really fully enjoy being 28 or 29." Not that it will feel any different, as you said, but I got sad because I didn't let myself fully enjoy the ending of my 20s. I'll never be 29 again... And I started crying when you were talking about Inner Child work and talking to your 14 and 16 year old self. Uff.. I felt that, because that's how I used to talk to myself too. And same as you, now I have only love for myself, even when it get's hard. What you said in this video resonated so much with my current situation. Thanks for this. Sending love! ❤

[@Jordan-df6re]

you described exactly how I have been feeling.. Im only in my mid twenties but I feel a heavy sense of what I call anticipatory grief. Its a heavy feeling, but the only way I can think to cope with it is by enjoying the present and spending time with those you love. Wishing you the best!

[@walkingexercise5375]

Thanks for sharing your heart with us! This video was thoughtful, introspective, relatable, and caring. Morgan Harper Nichols has a quote/affirmation that says " I making room for things that heal my heart". I like how you discussed music because music is helpful in so many ways! Diane in Denmark here on KZbin gives four self-care assignments on her Friday videos and she mentioned finding new music one week and Mariane Cresp also mentioned music in her boost your mood video. Happy Birthday, wishing you joy!

[@angievasquez8188]

I am only 22. Recently I started to feel kinda nostalgic about the past and at the same time excited for all the future awaiting. I follow you since I was in my first year of highschool and now just a few days ago I graduated college (yes I studied digital art

[@MardyBeetleBum]

I just turned 30 this year and also live in Seattle lol. I spent a good amount of my twenties just grieving over lost childhoods and lost moments and things I won't get back. It was a huge part of me leaving what I once called home to start a new life, and even now I dream about what I lost. I grieve for my younger self that didn't get the guidance, comfort, and happiness she deserved (which I now have after working hard for it). No one tells you that you can grieve this way. So I'm excited to go into my thirties feeling like I have a sturdy head on my shoulders.

[@Ambrose_Cosmos]

I turn 20 in November and I've just finished my first year of college. It was really nice to see what I could be like in 10 years. I've only started to realize that I have worth simply based on the fact that I'm the only me. I know it will be hard but this video made me look forward for the future, which is a hard feeling to come by recently.

[@niinlotantapaista]

So much of this resonates with me. I turned 30 in February and can honestly say the same thing - somewhere along the line, I learned to love myself. The reasons for that are also same same but different, such as realising I'm not just a melancholic person at heart but actually depressed with severe social anxiety. Getting treatment in the past year has turned my life around. Also, what you said about your past selves watching you wide-eyed and the 'give it a decade and you'll see' really hit home. I recently went through journals from my teenage years and found a line written by 18-year-old me: 'All I wish for is a job that would allow me even a bit of freedom, a beautiful home I enjoy living in, books, crafts, feeling good. I know it's far-fetched, but if I don't dream it, how could it ever become reality?' I wept a little with the journal in my lap in my lovely apartment, surrounded by books and beautiful things, a freelancer doing her dream job. It wasn't so far-fetched, after all. I think I first found you around your move to Seattle and remember connecting with both your creativity and the sadness underneath. Look at us now. Happy birthday, Cheyenne. ❤

[@veesvoyages]

I remember before I turned 30 I went through a lot of introspection and reflection of my life and who I am as a person and where I'm at in life. So many times I'd feel low about this but since turning 30 I feel so much better and happier in my self and my life. I still occasionally have those moments of insecurity but for once in my life I feel the most relaxed and content I've ever felt. I hope this for you too

[@tangledkelpp]

hi chey, i just turned 30 on may 2nd. i feel so so much of this. i'm so grateful to have lived so much life and i still have so much left of it! i'm finally judging myself much less harshly than i used to. happy birthday :)

[@cassadycroft]

Woof I feel all of this. Happy birthday! I turn 30 on June 15th, we’re almost exactly the same age and I’ve been thinking about a lot of this same stuff. I’m working on radical self acceptance, it’s so hard but so rewarding. Also this time ten years ago was probably the worst time of my life and now I’m happier than I’ve ever been, letting my inner child decide what hobbies/interests I get into. I’m ready for my 30s to be so fun :D

[@sarahl9545]

This was so beautiful. I am heading into my 30s soon and I always had a fear about getting older. I was literally crying. this was just so beautiful! It made me think of all the times I talk to myself so harshly. I cant remember if i ever said " I love you" to myself. you are inspiring.💚

[@JorineAdinda]

Congratulations! I am so proud of you

[@Decodethefallenmoon]

Happy belated birthday!!! I definitely needed this video today honestly. I’m in Seattle (lived here my whole life), and I’m 31 in November, and it’s been hitting so so hard lately how absolutely cruel I’ve been to myself my entire life, and that younger me AND current me don’t deserve that pain and suffering. And yeah, I have some new diagnoses going on that explain so many things about my life and experiences, but shit still hits hard sometimes… its so rough to just understand how much you internalized your abusers’ voices as your own, how mean you’ve been and how much you never deserved it. Ever. We all must grow and heal and learn and start thriving at some point, even if it’s so very tough, and often still lonely. But we’re not actually ever fully alone, and we always have more growing to do. 💖

[@marissah7765]

Wow, I resonated so much with almost everything you said. I just turned 30 this past October and can honestly say I think it's going to be the best decade yet. Hoping the same for you! PS I also have a Pepper cat 😂

[@marissah7765]

PPS Happy birthday!! 🎂

[@keramikart1848]

I'm 28. I've got adhd, and for like four years, i've been hearing this voice in my head seing like "I love you". And the sadest thing is that i didn't know whom i was talking about. Now i know i was talking to myself 🧡

[@thegracefulgypsy]

Belated happy birthday Cheyenne! Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I totally understand where you are coming from as I had more or less the same thoughts when I turned 30 as well. Enjoy the simple things that life has to offer. Keep on dreaming, keep on learning and evolving into the bestest version of ourselves. Sending you prayers and positive vibes from across the pond. 😊💝

[@carlesberg2962]

I turn 30 on the 14th. I subscribed to you since just after you moved to Seattle I think, and its just been really cool to see someone on a very similar journey as me. I've also began loving myself and showing gratitude recently, and I also never thought I would be the kind of person to play DnD lol. Thank you for verbalizing your thoughts so eloquently and in a way that makes so much sense. Just overall grateful for your videos like this, always makes me feel all of the emotions. It's very therapeutic

[@pippinarts]

Hi there! I turned 24 the 7th and I couldn't shake off that weird feeling of "wow I've come so far and yet there is still so much". I just felt weird and like this isn't what I thought it would be? Anyway, it was nice to see you be so open and vulnerable about it, reaching a "milestone" age certainly puts everything in perspective. I'm eager to see what your 30s have in store for you! Much love

[@maxonrylee]

Sobbing. Oh my goodness. So lovely and wholesome and relatable. Thanks for sharing. Magic the gathering is also fun. Please share about your DnD character?? ❤

[@marykayhaywood7534]

I've watched from the beginning. I'm so proud of you, how far you've come and all you've been through. I totally understand your feelings. When I turned 60, 2 years ago, I went through similar "feels" moments. The coolest thing is that we are always 29 inside our minds. Our bodies don't keep up. But, we always get to be who we are inside our heads! Free😊

[@marykayhaywood7534]

AND!!! IT GETS BETTER GIRL!!!

[@owlfacewitch]

I’ve looked back on my journal and at some point I started occasionally ending entries with “remember I love you, even if you don’t love you” and I think that’s lovely. Congratulations on a new decade dear🥰🎉

[@mrsmoonheaven]

as it gets nearer to my birthday and i’m getting closer to 30 myself… this makes me very very sentimental. very beautiful video chey 🤍

[@ZombieTrogdor]

I found you through the bujo community way back in 2016 and I didn't get hooked on your videos until that one video when you first moved to Seattle in 2017 (I think?). I remember you were in your dark kitchen and my heart just broke for you because I remember feeling that same exact way, and you felt like a kindred spirit, like, "I'm not alone in this; this feeling is hard and heartbreaking, but not something to hide." You helped me try and be kind to myself, and while I still have my struggles with that, I watch your videos and they make me smile and remind me to be kind. This is random, but you also taught me that mediocrity with hobbies is acceptable. I would wave off a hobby I've been wanting to try because I was afraid of being bad at it. Like, huh? So what? If I want to make pottery I'll make it! The PNW can be so tough (I'm from Oregon). The SAD and winter sunsets at 4pm are rough, but I'm so happy to be seeing your progression through the years and how you stayed in Seattle, because it really is a great city. Happy 30th!

[@julinwert]

I'm 25 right now and I have been watching you since you moved to Seattle! You are so special and kind and thank you for being honest with us all. I right now am in a period of ALLCHANGE and it's terrifying but this video made me feel like things are going to be okay and I just need to be patient. Keep lovin' and livin' out there, you have just the stars to reach :)

[@newt.289]

thank you for this video, i found myself tearing up many a time while watching this and i think i’ll come back here often. i hope you had a wonderful birthday 🌙

[@StinkyKidEmi]

I related to this so much. 2 years into my 30s and it is genuinely a lovely time. Im doing more for me and its so amazing. Including playing D&D too! I never thought Id be the type to not only play but love it and look forward to the weekly sessions. Life is something.

[@livinginpages626]

I have been watching you for 5+ years and I feel as though I have grown with you. While we are at very different stages in life (I am turning 22 in a few weeks), I have learned and grown up watching your videos! This one in particular really hit and I wanted to thank you for making it feel so hopeful. I am on the precipice of big life changes that are exciting and terrifying, but knowing my life could end up even a little like yours is such a huge comfort. Thank you for creating and happy happy birthday!

[@WellThatsViolet]

This makes me think about how many stories we have about kids but how rare fun adventures for older people exist in media. We just out grow every character we dream of being eventually.

[@tirlen]

this was so beautiful. thank you for sharing it with us, Cheyenne ❤️

[@EmGeniusz]

I love your videos always but especially this one - turned 31 last week and can honestly say the most radical thing I have ever done was letting myself heal and become soft in ways that would make me so, so uncomfortable in my early 20s. I'm still awkward and odd, don't get me wrong, but the permanent feeling of dread I always carried with me? I found ways to let it go. I started watching your videos 6 years ago when you just moved to your studio apartment I think and seeing you grow into the person you are now has been so wonderful ❤. Happy bday Cheyenne xx

[@BrookeKittell]

Feel so much of this, especially when you got emotional about being grateful for this time of life. I recently said to my mom that I might actually enjoy my birthday next year and I've been happier the last couple of months since getting on anxiety medication

[@fredcrossing]

I’m so proud of you Cheyenne ❤ we don’t know each other in person but I have been following your journey, your art and personal struggles for so many years. You have been an integral part of my own journey, discovering who I am and navigating this messed up world with anxiety and self doubt. You have really helped me without ever knowing x I wish you the happiest 30th birthday and as you move into this new decade with more love and gratitude for who you are, I can’t wait to see what comes next for you as an artist and personally. You are amazing and I’m grateful to have known you, even if only through this silly little web platform of KZbin. X much love

[@kmellee]

I’ve been meaning to journal about being 30 now but couldn’t quite figure out the words that I have been feeling. This mirrors my thoughts perfectly and now feel inspired. Thank you so much for sharing your reflections. So excited to keep hearing from you ❤

[@so_chey]

Happy birthday to such an inspirational person!

[@magnoliidae5794]

I am so incredibly grateful to you for sharing your therapy journey of inner child work and that approach to talking to yourself because have some similar-ish issues of incredibly negative self talk and thinking about talking to a younger me like that is making me also want to bawl my eyes out and boy oh boy will this be something to talk with my own therapist about this week and possibly many weeks and feels like a potential breakthrough.i could not be more grateful. Thank you as always for sharing your vlogs, I always appreciate them so much ❤

[@haylessa]

Hi Cheyenne, i know we don't know each other but I feel happy to see you happy, and thank you for comforting me through this video. I've only been on medication for depression for the past month, and it definitely feels a bit better but i think i still have a long way to go. I also always felt it was important to document my life for myself, but it's been really hard to do. Thank you for the last words. I really hope that I will come to a time where i can love myself fully, truly, in the future. Thank you again, and happy birthday :)

[@micaela.herrera]

Well damn I am weeping tears of joy. Thank you for being you. Also adhd squad rise up.

[@darbyhuffaker6460]

happy birthday!! as a 19 year old i feel like i just watched a video of myself in 10 years. this was lovely

[@nandinighosh7338]

Happy Birthday Cheyenne! I’m so proud of you and I hope you have a wonderful year ahead. You’ll never be 29 again 💖 thank you for this special video

[@Sillycloudwanderer]

A late happy birthday! Thank you for this video. Your words are just what I needed today. ❤

[@bree4761]

Idk how I found this video but this made me cry. I’m about to turn 28, and I too, have been so hyper aware of the fact that I’m aging and that there’s no way to stop it. I literally think about this everyday. My skin is changing, my face is starting to sag slowly but surely. I’m getting wrinkles that I never thought I’d have. It’s so scary to see not only yourself age but the people you love age too. Thank you for this video because it made me feel less alone. ❤

[@maybekatie]

thank you for this video; it was so lovely and reassuring and your genuineness is so refreshing

[@cupofcoffeecrochet]

That was so lovely. Thank you for sharing ❤

[@dezs-diary]

This is so special cheyenne, thank you so much for sharing your life & learnings with us. Happy birthday, dear! ❤

[@laurajane1900]

I don’t think I was ready for this video. I loved it but it’s so sad and relatable. Thank you for sharing

[@nenes24]

when you mentioned older i audibly went OUUUUU.... that whole album is a punch in the gut, but it's also this hug, it encapsulates so much of the sadness that exists in life, in the fact we lose things and time is running out and everything is so scary because it ends... but that is also what makes them worth, the fact things end. it's a hopeless cycle we can't stop, only live in it. on a more cheerful note, a song about aging and looking back that cheers me up is laufey's 'a letter to my 13 year old self', it makes me cry happy tears!! this video, maybe because you made then when you were still 29, also felt like a letter to your older self. so much kindness in it. here's to one more year on this earth!!!! may this birthday gift you with so much joy that you lose track of it!

[@darlyndelight]

Happy birthday Chey! This was truly such a lovely video and to see the growth and just the passage of time through videos and just being a viewer of your art is truly incredible to see and brings so much assurance to me that I'm not alone in both experience and emotions. Time continues to go by but here I am, still here.

[@_mulletwitch]

i have been watching you since 2017/18 (when i was 16) and i am now 23. this has been my favorite video of yours by far, i feel like ive grown up with you. and seeing your radical self acceptance flourish in your monologues has been so beautiful

[@pushingdaisiess]

oh how wonderful its been to watch you grow and grow along side you (its a lil parasocail I know) but I'm just a few years younger than you and seem to be going through all this same moments with you, from your journal bulletin and sad videos (I was depressed then too) to now, being late diagnosed ADHD and figuring out how to reframe the awful self talk, I empathize with all those growing pains. So proud of you! cant wait to see where life takes us from here (:

[@rjartpunk839]

Happy birthday, and thank you. I am 25 and just been put on the ADHD referal waitlist, I needed to hear this.

[@mosslou9854]

thank you! this felt very healing to watch 🌿🌸

[@maddieb_home]

This has been the most relatable, most encapsulating feeling of turning 30 years old - for me, at least! I just turned 30 on 6/2. We had a very similar last year of our twenties. Sending love to my fellow Gemini!

[@riitaaaa143]

thank you so much for this 💛 may your 30s be kind to you

[@breeunabashedly]

Your looks on journaling….SAME. I was such a diarist as a kid but I’m 37 now and it’s been a struggle to stick with it the past like 10 years. But I’ve told myself, this may be one of the only things you leave behind for someone years from now to have to get a glimpse into your life. It’s changed the game. Welcome to the 30s.

[@ebarc23]

happy birthday, cheyenne!! I've been following you for so many years, and your journey, both personally and artistically has been so inspirational. I'm so happy for you, and I felt the depth of the sentiment when you talked about being excited for this next decade

[@valeriasanchez5638]

Wasn't ready to cry randomly while I worked, but I needed it, thank you

[@krispjeanseamz]

I appreciate you making this video so much. I was starting to feel a bit apprehensive about the last few years of my 20s; I’m currently 27, and will be 28 this year. But hearing you talk about these feelings that are still very new to me is so comforting. So grateful for your videos, Cheyenne

[@JP-uf6cd]

this was lovely and cozy- i needed it - thank you for making it. wishing you a wonderful year.

[@laceyeriksen835]

Hi from another June 8 birthday who also turned 30! Wept while watching this, because I feel so seen. I have been feeling the exact same way leading up to 30. Happy Birthday to us :)

[@noelnelson9291]

I turned 30 this year , I also went to theatre school and have been navigating self hatred turned into self love and this video means so much to me. Congratulations! I am rooting for you !!!

[@buttercupgrove]

I'm really needing this wisdom and comfort as someone who is in the phase of being cruel to myself and not having any support for adhd and feeling like a failure all the time. thank you for sharing your thoughts, everything you said is a big comfort to me.

[@Miggeamakes]

Welcome to your thirties!! I was so worried about it, worried I would feel like I hadn't done enough, like I hadn't reached the goals I wanted, that I would feel so different and not like me. I was very wrong. My thirties have felt more like my time than any chunk of years in my life and I was so surprised and joyous to learn that. The milestones feel less pressured and more like the next thing to be excited about, the goals feel like I have more time. I've been really happy with them and I hope yours are joyous and full of being peacefully excited for what's next, for the adventure of it and not the goal of it. I resonate with the cruelty I used to show myself and I've found these years I'm so much kinder to myself. I've learned so much patience and love for myself.

[@hushletsread]

What a lovely video ❤️ I'm so glad to hear that you are in a better place now🌷 Good work 🤜🏼 Also, I can relate so much to this as I am turning 30 in July. Trying to think about how far I've come, even though I'm not exactly where I want to be. But I have so much to be grateful for and I really like my life ✨