I Lost It And THREATENED Divorce Over My Husband Keeping Our Marriage A Secret r/Relationships

[@nadirimyers6643]

Story 2: that’s SA. No means no. She’s lucky she didn’t get punched in the face off of reflex. I’m glad he posted so ppl can tell him he was SA’d.

[@whitneylivingston5706]

Story 2) OP was assaulted and that was self defense reflex.

[@notconvincedgranny6573]

People: consent is required on BOTH sides, not just women.

[@Masenken]

Said no to pegging and got punched when she tried it. You tried to warn her

[@miz6229]

S2 - jeez. No is NO. This applies to men too. She has zero respect for OP. She thought being sexy cute woman would easily excuse her behavior.

[@m0n0chr0maticRainb0w]

"not ready" after three years is insane, and now he's DMing OF girls and acting violent when mad? Girl get out!!!!! She's so young, she needs to leave before he ruins her life.

[@ToxicSunrise132]

Story 1: Who wants to take bets? Five internet cookies says he has a secret family

[@Blk.Philip]

I haven’t finished it yet but I’ll put 5 on it 💵

[@FootLucy1013]

nah, not just have one, but op IS the secret family. the non secret family probably know the husband's relatives. I am 1:19 in the so

[@j.a.y.j.a.y.1107]

10 on her being the secret family

[@brianbrady139]

I don't think its a secret family situation, the husbands parents know OP and presumable that OP and her husband are in a relationship just not that hey are married(from what I understand the Parents think they are just dating)

[@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse]

Nah, I think he's just regretting getting married so young and doesn't know how to get out of it. They've been living together for years and both sets of parents know they are together.

[@kaykay8855]

Story 2: NTA. Op said no. She messed around and found out.

[@fallingawayfromthenorm]

Story 2 - NTA, I’m so glad people helped OP realize she SA’d him. She’d been told no and still decided to touch him that way, she’s all sort of issues if she thinks that she’s owed an apology for getting punched. I hope he finds a better partner in the future.

[@browhattheactualfu-2659]

Story 2 makes me so mf mad. No op did not mislead her, he never said yes. The audacity to get upset because you can't rape your boyfriend is insane

[@dorianleakey]

Yeah, if the situation happened he would be a victim, but that's the authors intent with the fabricated story they made up. It's definitely not real and no one should take this seriously. He wrote himself as an obvious victim and added a punch in that made it sound like he may think he did something wrong.

[@dorianleakey]

So, he goes from desperately wanting her back to being relaxed about the relationship ending and her BEGGING to get him back. Why do people believe this? It such clear and obvious bullshit.

[@Thatboivani]

And u came to this conclusion how? ​@@dorianleakey

[@Thatboivani]

​@@dorianleakeydo u not know how abusive relationships work?

[@skyelindsey687]

@@dorianleakeyso you don’t know how abusive relationships go. Just so you know the longer you are in one the more likely you are to return to it. On average it takes 7 attempts before they permanently leave their abuser.

[@Ashbrash1998]

Story 2: Doimg that out of reflex is a very real thing, its your body reacting quicker than your mind. Had a friend do a similar thing when her bf "missed" during reentry, poor thing almost had a panic attack after from the adrenaline.

[@cheapkingscuisine5106]

Married at 19 for benefits, by the time the kid figured out they werent enlisting and then realized hes not ready for real marriage. they married for the benefits only that's what he was in for

[@ZomBeeQueeen]

Story 2. That’s sexual assault. It’s awful when that’s not an immediate understanding because it was within the bounds of a relationship. When in reality, it’s second most common. Also, being that young that you are still in school without saved money as back up…she’s a predator in multiple ways

[@draughtoflethe]

We need more mandatory education, for all genders, about consent and healthy relationships. Anything less than an enthusiastic 'yes' is not a green light to proceed with the suggested sexual act. This is doubly shameful for the gf in Story 2, because during any sort of power exchange play, the person in the dominant role needs to be even more aware of and sensitive to the submissive person's mood and signals and mindful of previously-established boundaries. This woman has no right to call herself a domme. I'm glad the commenters helped OP to understand that he was the victim of assault.

[@mgaus]

And we need to teach that, if your boundaries are crossed anyway, hitting is OK. Heck, it's encouraged

[@MorbidKat]

Wow her love bombing, gaslighting, and then absolute rage is sickening. I'm so glad Op got outa there!

[@jenniferanderson7010]

Story two is assault. That poor guy. I hope he sends that asshole to jail.

[@mgaus]

... and I hope the inmates find out what she's in for

[@Jamalova15]

Story 2 is wild that the second date rape story I heard done to a guy on Reddit. He was SA and he's seeking her forgiveness smfh

[@huskytail]

That's unfortunately way more common than many people realize. I grew up with many guys around me and me being the only female they felt they can share more with me. Sometimes their stories or the stories of their friends they have shared were so shocking to me. Guys get abused to an incredible levels without ever mentioning it or even realizing for some of them.

[@Jamalova15]

​@@huskytailYup a lot of rape and/or SA that happen to men go unreported too. For reasons like this, they don't notice that it's assault, they are afraid of getting laughed at, and their claims would get diminished with the I wish it was me crap. Smh

[@petitmains]

This woman is running the same game as Illuminaghti. Vulnerable geeky guys and a more mature woman who can hide her manipulation under the "Teehee I'm such a dork" facade. There are ways to get a dude into prostate stimulation, but dry jamming a non-lesbian finger (nails y'all) into his bussy ain't it.

[@Boxofgravey139]

Story 1 I’m not surprised OP’s husband is behaving like he is. OP husband needs therapy. He doesn’t know how to communicate because there was none present at his home. His dad didn’t show him how a man should be with a wife. It’s one thing to be able to get along and talk with someone who hurt you, but it doesn’t mean trust is there. Him feeling like there were problems OP didn’t know about is also lack of communication. I still think he has unresolved issues with his parents.

[@aer015]

Story 2: OP is lucky. He got SA'd and punched back in self-defense. But he still needs to be careful. The cops won't care that it was in self-defense or that he was SA'd. And if she still has a bruise or other evidence of the punch, then he's not in the clear yet. Any reports will cause damage to his reputation, his college acceptance, and legally.

[@TeroTheShortOne]

Story 1: "He's not an alcoholic anymore". Oh sweetie... that's not how alcoholism works.

[@kamicokrolock]

STory 2: No means no. OP is justified in his actions as GF assulted him! Why does he want her back? Dump her she sounds like a predator who goes after younger men.

[@jessieBird96]

Story 1: OP HAS been trying to work on it! Husband REFUSES to pull up his big boy panties and just tell them, which, to me, reads as he doesn't want to get read the riot act for getting married and keeping it a secret for THREE YEARS. All while bringing tou around, might I add!! Nah, OP, keep your ultimatum.

[@screechnocturne5696]

Anyone else have a 'record scratch' moment when it was mentioned he was messaging onlyfans models?

[@GellaHumbug59]

💿 😳

[@lsilvaeditor]

'No means no' AND 'Yes means yes'. If you can't say 'yes' - whether you've been drugged, you're too drunk to answer, you're asleep, or like OP, you are afraid to give a definite 'no' - then the default answer is 'NO'.

[@Speedy4B52]

Story 2: NTA. No is a full and complete sentence. Consent is a two way street. She completely ignored your boundaries. Kink is only fun when both parties agree.

[@franciebelcher4594]

S2. NTA. This is SA. And a person cannot control your body's protection reactions. 1 time, My XH came home drunk and angry and when I asked him if he drove home like that, he kicked me, hard, and without thinking, I punched him n the face, breaking his nose. I didn't feel bad though. He assaulted me, and my body responded. I hope OP continues to educate himself on this subject and takes care of his mental health.✌

[@Mama_Bear_of_3]

Story 1. Obviously his parents are correct in their assessment that their son is not mature. Otherwise, he would not be hiding his marriage from them.

[@tiduswordplayer]

Story 2 You know the sad thing is if she truly wanted to be vindictive she could run with lying to the police about him hitting her and he’d probably get charged regardless of her SA cause a lot of people sadly don’t believe men can be assaulted by women I’m praying for OP that the situation dosen’t escalate and dosen’t turn into a shitshow

[@markanthony1004]

Story 1: What a mess 😂 Holy hell story 2 OP doesn’t realize he was assaulted

[@kyriacarica5862]

OP’s ex is an absolute expert on DARVO. Glad he dumped her. She is most definitely going to twist the story for her next relationship so she comes out as the victim

[@velveteenrabbit5940]

Story 2: As someone who was s*xually cohoursed for years without knowing thats what it was (I wasnt properly taught and Im autistic) never stay with someone that doesnt recognize your no. Even "Im considering it" should be considered a no until they way yes

[@redundantnspeechless]

"he's not a pilot" hahahahaha

[@CensorshipVictim]

Story 2 NTA: OP needs to run, his girlfriend doesn't understand "consent" or that No means No. What she did crossed so many lines in the BDSM community.

[@n.jboltz599]

story one something OP needs to watch is saying the father WAS an alcoholic and that he isn't one any more. He is still an alcoholic that isn't something you just stop being. he is sober now and on the wagon, but he will always be an alcoholic. Maybe husband was worried about his father's sobriety if he announced such news- for some people it would be a big deal and possibly triggering

[@nightmare_jeanie]

Story 2 really upset me. That is exactly how i would respond to SA too. I completely agree about teaching children about consent which is exactly what i do with my children. If they don't want to be hugged/kissed they can say no and its okay. I remind them that i love them and saying no is perfectly fine. I've had other family members freak out about it but i don't care. If my child tells you no, you are to respect that. And this isn't just because my son is autistic, its because i grew up being forced to hug or kiss people i didn't want to touch me and it lead to a lot of issues. I dont even make my children hug or kiss me and I'm their mom. My son actually kissed me on the cheek for the first time ever (yep, i teared up, lol) just a couple of weeks ago and he's 7yo. So yeah, consent is absolutely important and i hate that Op went through that.

[@jonmendelson1104]

14:12 "It's hard not to facetime every time I see these kinds of stories." =D

[@josepherhardt164]

7:17 "He is married already!" Actually, the same thought occurred to me. Hmmm. 8:35 OMG, this is like a teenager thinking he's kept something secret from mom and dad that they knew about for AGES! 12:16 If there are no kids, get a peaceful divorce and move on. OP's hub has serious issues he needs to deal with before becoming marriage material.

[@TheVeggiekat]

Story 1 - this sounds like my ex. We met online and talked for a year and visited for a few days during that year. During that year I also graduated college and got my first real job. When I. Got the job he proposed over the phone and when I said yes he suggested we get married his next visit which was in a couple weeks. I was very stupidly head over heels because when we chatted online every night for hours he said all the right things. So, when he comes for the visit we get married and I didn’t think too much of his family not being there because they live in another country. We start married life with me working and him applying for a green card. Months roll on and he’s not working or doing anything around the house and when I get home he goes to the bedroom to play on his computer while I clean up and make dinner. I was exhausted and wondered why no one on his side had sent any congratulations. Then his sister announces her wedding. I arrange for time off and make travel plans and then find out he’s been talking to other women online. His excuses- he said he didn’t know that was wrong since there was nothing physical (Hello! You met me online! Had to argue that emotional affairs are a thing and are wrong.) We agree to work on our marriage and go to his sister’s wedding. His sister sees me and starts in on stuff about the baby sister getting married before her big bro and not to worry she’d arranged for a singles dance at her reception just for him (think speed dating while dancing.) That’s when I told them we’d gotten married several months ago. His sister literally spit out her drink and there was a sudden flurry of everyone speaking French, which I don’t understand. His dad was nice enough to kiss me on the cheek and welcome me to the family. Finally his step-mother translated and explained, my then husband didn’t think us getting married in the US was legal in Canada so he was going on we were only married when we were in the US. Also found out he had a fiancé he’d been with for ten years. They’d been long distance for the past two years but before that he’d lived with her and her and his families were friends. I should have left at that point but I stayed, told him to choose, and made him call her to end things. All that in the week before his sister’s wedding. She did cut out the singles dance but she passively-aggressively hated me and put all the blame on me for taking focus away from her wedding when I did not know how much crap my ex had been hiding. Long story short - if your guy is hiding you, he is most likely hiding a whole lot more. (For anyone thinking my ex was just immature, he was 35 when we got married.)

[@chucku00]

"He's not an alcoholic anymore" This is not how it works.

[@ArcticFFox]

I'm betting that this is just a classic case of immaturity. On both ends. They had not been in an adult relationship for nearly long enough before completely merging finances and their lives. So when the guy showed that, surprise surprise, he's still immature, OP got thrown off by it. It's sad that neither of them had the foresight to think to maybe wait and mature a little to see if the relationship would work out at all.

[@kodomoshawn6729]

Story 2. Sticking a finger in without any lube isn't going to feel good for anyone who isn't already used to backdoor stuff. Not only did she not take no for an answer, she clearly did not care about his comfort at all. It seems like even if he HAD consented, she would not have taken his comfort into consideration and still would have crossed boundaries. She's a bad dom and a selfish partner, she clearly only sees her partner as something she can use for her own pleasure instead of a person that she loves and cares about. She's one of those people who thinks being a dom means that she gets to take whatever she wants, when that is NOT what it's about. A good dom NEVER does anything that the sub hasn't already explicitly agreed to, and will check in with their sub to make sure that they are still feeling good throughout the scene. Glad he broke up with her, she doesn't deserve to be in a relationship if she treats her partners like that.

[@MamieBabi]

Bro sotry 2 is insane. Wtf is wrong with her. Bro was assaulted and she's mad he had a reaction to being violated?

[@ZombieSazza]

Nice Scottish shirt lad, didn’t expect to see you wearing that!

[@moomama217]

Been happily married 32 yrs. Never been punched. Accidently or otherwise.

[@EH-dw3wb]

I’m really glad the guy in the second story came around. If you don’t have two enthusiastic yeses it’s a no

[@LorienInksong]

Girlfriend in story 2 is scary and exhibits some of the very same behavior and tactics of my abuser. I wish I had been able to reach out for help and advice like OP has, thank goodness he's getting away from her.

[@NightFall429]

Ultimatum exists for a reason. I hear all the time on this channel it’s wrong to give them. But then why do they exist. why are you on Reddit because you’re out of options.

[@locusxe1411]

Ultimatums are for really really bad situations. Like this example. Your partner is a raging alcoholic and you give them the ultimatum that they either stop drinking or you’ll get a divorce

[@KonekoPurrrfection]

First story is very suspicious

[@srsmedic8285]

I had the same thing happen to me as the OP in story 2. My girlfriend at the time had mentioned that her friends boyfriends liked it.. I told her I wasn’t interested.. one night she just tried to just randomly jam like two fingers into me.. I had the same reaction.. I also bled for like two weeks after that. No thank you. The worst part I was in HS and still wore tighty whiteys and my mom asked me why my butt was bleeding… she brought home preparation H pads and ointments.. thanks mom😊

[@shadowkissed2370]

Since when does foster care give you a full-ride scholarship. I was a ward-of-the-court and they did not help me at all. Just cut me loose and said sink.

[@sidepai]

Story 2: Stories like this make me glad that consent (from myself and SO) is my kink. Lmao 😅 😂

[@Floratic]

Just happened to log on 40 secs after this dropped.

[@WillowGirl11]

Me at a video within minutes? Miracles happen.

[@loganjoh1]

Story 2: no means no regardless or the gender the fact that people had to tell him that was SA is wild

[@sasoridanna9250]

Dude in story 2 got sexually assaulted by his girlfriend and should break up with her (haven't listened to the whole video yet, just wanted to put this out there immediately)

[@TwiggyHetfield27]

Story 2: NO is a complete sentence. She stomped all over his boundaries. She really just thought "Yea he'll be into it" and now SHE'S mad?! No no no no sweetheart. Consent on BOTH sides. After Update: OH! She's one of those "if you don't do THIS you don't love me" types. Yea, no. Good for OP for getting out of that relationship.

[@Safaridor]

As a social idiot, a great resource that helped me learn and understand consent is a book titled: Ethical Slut Really recommend if you are the kind of person to read a book on consent, or if you know someone who really needs to read a book on consent.

[@murphyville]

17:57 she SA you!!! You told her that was a no and she did it anyway! She never should have did that to you!

[@KE-hr4sb]

S2: NO MEANS NO, even if you don't say it forcefully. She did not have an enthusiastic yes, so that means it's a no-go without your express verbal consent. You reacted in fight or flight after she literally assaulted you. Lose the gf; her being mad you didn't let her assault you is another HUGE red flag (and the silent treatment is abuse). She's a freaking parade of red flags at this point.

[@yosoyroman875]

S2) Op was assaulted, and you had a reflex. Unless she comes back crawling on her hands and knees, and you want to forgive her. I wouldn’t want to hear shit. It would be overrr!!!!

[@troubleinthevalley5884]

You guys were both of them for getting married for benefits and to see how the relationship went but honestly I didn't tell him if he doesn't want to tell people we are married then how about he's just not married and I'm done with it.

[@JettSettingBengal]

S1: Run! This guy is a red flag!

[@HappyNiniii]

If it's not an enthusiastic. "YES, I WANT DO THAT!" Then it's a no. Any, "I don't know.." or "I'm not sure..." or "I don't think it's my thing.." If they're not 100% on board with the action, then don't fvcking do it. Control yourself, be a decent person, and respect your partner.

[@pacomcjorge]

Story 1: I really don't understand why pressuring is a problem here. After 3 years of being ignored, it's past time to put some pressure. Just communicating doesn't work if someone is dead set on ignoring you or putting you off. Either pressure or go above and do it yourself

[@hvymax]

So girlfriend SA's OP and he acted reflexively. OP shouldn't be apologizing to the person who SA'd him!!!

[@holyek7892]

There is a reason the older like going out for the young. Experience and consent are invaluable things.

[@moonyollie6977]

S2: Nope, nope nope nope. This is a massive red flag, and if she doesn't relearn consent, this is going to happen again, and rightfully so. No, means no. You do not just "go for it" without explicitly communicating before, during and after.

[@kristinecollier9155]

There is no such thing as "no longer an alcoholic". They are always an alcoholic, just in recovery. They can never drink again, or they will fall back into the disease. I know this from being married to one who just got sober

[@gazman2626]

Story 2 has annoyed me, my partner says no to that and i respect it. This women is like nawww ill do it anyway. Omg respect women !

[@rosegirlz88]

The girlfriend "Peggy" needs to know that no MEANS no!

[@vitisvinifera1590]

As someone who shares similar curiosities as gf in story 2, that woman is a raepist. I could never

[@bridgetdebourgh5698]

Hey Markee 👋 Hope you are enjoying your vacation 👍 Have a great day/night everyone 👋🤗

[@kumikor3392]

Story 1: she needs to divorce. Immediately. He doesn't like her at all. He's benefiting from marriage, but he does not like her. She's doing ALL of the work 🙄 Story 2: what's the age difference? She sounds like she's using him from the jump. She kept nagging about sex, sexually assaulted him, and then goes NC! OMG OP needs to stop talking to her and call the police! Update: love that OP left her and has a safe place. Yikes for her reaction

[@MikeWeathers-fo1vs]

S1: well, you didn’t tell his parents as they already knew by your own admission. You just confirmed it for them. Regardless of all that, I don’t think either of you are ready for a REAL relationship, not whatever this is. 0 out of 10, would not recommend.

[@luismakeup08]

17:50 thats grappe

[@jakeand9020]

Story 2: Let's be honest, OP is lucky she didn't call the cops on him. The only thing that might have helped his is she really thinks she did nothing wrong she might admit to what she did. On the other hand it's likely the police/courts would agree with her, so he'd still be screwed, just less literally.

[@debc6260]

Yay! More Markee!!

[@DragonflyandTheWolf]

Story 2: The sexual act she wanted to do is something you REALLY need to be ready for and she just did it to him without warning or consent. At 24 years old she is definitely old enough to understand this.

[@SilverDomainShrine7]

Story 2: I’m getting the vibe that was OP’s first serious relationship. Just from the way he words things gives me he’s inexperienced being with someone sexually at least. Not trashing on him at all. Just noticing some wording, especially being into “slightly older women.” It just seems like OP’s ex could’ve used his potential inexperience to her advantage and pressuring him constantly to do what she wants against how he felt. Regardless, she really did manipulative tactics, trying to wear him down. There for sure build up and it’s disgusting. I’m glad OP realized he was taken advantage of and gtfo of there. Plus SA trauma takes a long time to process. I didn’t realize til recently (early 20s, slightly older than op) I was a victim of SA two different times in my teens. I hope OP is able to talk to a therapist because fully processing trauma like that is one of the most gut wrenching things ever. Sorry this story really hit home for me

[@chrismichaels462]

My former BIL didn't tell MIL that he was married for a year. That was because she was racist and he married an Asian woman.

[@RavenLunacy44]

Story 2....um you told her no...that's assault. You need to dump her.

[@ZombieSazza]

That’s sexual assault, no means no, no is a complete sentence and you never need to give a reason for you saying no. I hope OP is able to move on in life with better game choices tho, I mean c’mon bro Valorant?

[@denises3630]

DARK SOULS!!! I'm not even mad at op for punching her. He is in the right and better away from her forever 😊

[@loganjoh1]

Story 1: they got married way too young and the fact they did it because they were going to enlist not surprised

[@beccaf262]

Wow guy went from dumping toxic abusive ex to jumping on toxic abusive Valorant?? My guy come on

[@sfs6797]

Loving the Scotland flag! 💕

[@VidGirl88]

Story 2: SA no means no wtf

[@TheRockinDonkey]

She fully knew that she was in the wrong, because the moment he said "I'm dumping you" she backpedaled like crazy.

[@alainac.8183]

i think i feels shame for getting married in secret. He doesnt want to hurt them ot answer why he kept it a secret for 3 yrs

[@moebiusjdx7288]

Story 2. "Try finger but hole" got a little too real. No means no folks, regardless of gender.

[@Viggyunju]

Wooo awesome shirt 😂

[@rowdysgirlalways]

Today's video was educational for me. But I'll tell you what, you don't go sticking ANY part of your body into someone else's body without their complete consent! 'I don't know' means NO! 'Let me think about it' means NO! Maybe means NO! 'I'm not interested' means NO! NO MEANS NO! It doesn't matter what your gender is, NO MEANS NO! And guys can be raped too. No rape victim should EVER be teased or laughed at or made to feel less. And humor, even black humor, is a perfectly fine reaction as long as you recognize that you were harmed. The girlfriend needs to have a meeting with the police, IMO. And you need to get your stuff and talk to the landlord, explaining why you need off the lease. Oh heavens! I am so angry at her!

[@laurenjones9924]

Gf SA bf gets a kidney shot and is whiny about it.

[@paperkay]

Story 1: OP sounds like she's twelve.

[@annem7806]

New husband is hiding something from you. You didnt explain he comes from a HIGHLY DYSFUNCTIONAL family. He doesn't want things ruined by them. You better stop this & see a joint therapist.

[@joeyjojojrshabadoo7462]

S1: Op tricks me off, "I just think he's ashamed of me",no hun _it's not about you_ it's relationship with his father. Don't use this as a excuse. You too have enough actual problems as it is. In the unlikely event you two make if throw for an actual (dry) wedding ceremony with the whole family.

[@cpaul9269]

s1 - ?! But why?! WTF?!

[@dianalmccullough24]

So what, you just tell them.

[@amyjames7760]

Story number two fon't agree to role-play when you don't know what the hell you're doing. Also you were very clear that you never gave her consent to do something and you told her you weren't into it over and over again and she tried it anyway That is sexual assault and if the roles were reversed nobody would be unclear about this. If he did something to his girlfriend that she repeatedly said no or hahaha or change the subject and then he did it anyway he would have left that room in cuffs.

[@surrealistgirlx]

Story 1) NTA. OP - He is a liar, manipulating, and gaslighting you. He is mentally abusing you. ditch him and get a divorce. He is immature, unkind, and selfish. He will never change. Wow he was cheating on you. He is a horrible person.

[@JasperCatProductions]

Story one you are 22, get out of this nonsense. 2 months -50 years the ‘we were having problems so I cheated’ is just a no. This is a sign of complete disrespect, dishonesty, it’s also cruel. If you have an issue you have a conversation. Not chase other skirts or Ds. 22 is a beautiful age, have fun, live life and learn who you are.