I'm Now Managing The Person I Bullied Hardcore During School r/Relationships

[@Russman67]

She's asexual But she's tossing OP under the bus. Had she just decided not to participate in that conversation, it never would have come out. And the half-hearted apology and attempt to backtrack with her friends is not cool.

[@Keyonne88]

A simple "No, our sex life is exactly where we want it to be." with no details would have solved both issues. idk why ppl need to lie.

[@sfsin3380]

@@Keyonne88 except it's not. She does occasional ask for s*x and OP says he always refuses. Many as*xual people can still enjoy s*x even if they have little to no s*x drive. She want some s*x but Op has taken her as*xuality personally (he say it himself that he view it as her not desiring him) and is refusing to have it ever. So she pulled this passive aggressive stunt to get back at Op for that. So he made that stunt backfire on her.

[@PinkMarshmallows]

There's an update to story 3. She left him and he DESTROYED everything of her's and her daughter's things. Including the daughter's medicine.

[@piiinkDeluxe]

😮😢

[@piiinkDeluxe]

Glad they're safe at least.

[@KatalystMacabray]

Story 2: I get not wanting to be outed. But you can't expect someone to sit there and listen to you lie about them right in front of them

[@Sclasspsycho]

As an ace person, the wife sounds awful. Not for her sexuality, but for allowing her friends to treat him like that and not taking accountability for herself.

[@EluneAnzu]

Story 2: lmao the fact the wife tried saying "well they're not really your friends so it's fine". 1000% if the shoe was on the other food she'd not be okay with OP talking to his friends about their sex life just because 'she doesn't ever see them'. I'll be amazed if the relationship actually does last, especially since the wife's friend group sounds like they haven't matured passed high school/college.

[@madcatlady]

that last one was terrifying, she should have gone straight to the cops and asked them to accompany her as she retrieved her purse making a report about the attempted stair tripping and establishing a paper trail too

[@Scarlett.Granger]

Yes omg, i hope she gets far far far away

[@baylee9919]

Is it just me or everything OP had said where red flags 🤔

[@lounirs]

​@@baylee9919is it just me or these kinds of situations happen to people because they are insidious and you notice things are wrong only when it's too late?

[@baylee9919]

@lounirs Can't really say, I have no experience with this. So, no knowledge from me. But I have been bullied before, and it looks like bullying behavior. 🤷‍♀️

[@rinpaisys]

If she is ashamed of being ace, she hasn’t ACCEPTED it. She may have acknowledged it, but she has not accepted it. She is hurting others because she hasn’t accepted herself.

[@Deedoof]

Story 3: OP's bf is trying to kill her, her own sister died from DV and _she doesn't know if she's in danger_ ?? HER DAUGHTER IS THERE TOO!

[@ynmonroe]

I mean one weird issue I could see her hesitating to act. But once you get to two or more I have to ask, WTH IS SHE WAITING FOR? I mean why take the precaution of having money stashed if you're going to fail to act when you need to?

[@robertx8020]

@@ynmonroe Did you even LISTEN to the story? BF stole her money so she had no moey to leave ..but she left any way And OP explained WHY she didn't leave before! Only after the last red flags she linked everything togehter Unlike some ppl her, OP doesn't have the power of hindsight

[@kateajurors8640]

​@@robertx8020she knew where it was and could have called the cops to help her get her things and leave she should KNOW better than to have just one bag too 1 have a hidden bank account 2 have a bank account in a fam members name (ie mom's or have shared account with moms name and only mom makes deposits so SO doesn't follow you to the bank 3 have 2 cash stash locations (I have one BURRIED where there is a drop in but to get to it you would have to dig for a good minute or so) 4 once you start suspecting reach out to local help 5 always involve police if abuser isn't in the force or a fireman. Like why couldn't she leave the cat at her mom's for a few days while they stayed at a dv shelter?

[@Mew_Mokuba_Akari]

​@@robertx8020sShe was stupid to have the money in cash stashed in the house. She should have had it in a secret account. Possibly not even in the bank she always uses. This way she would always have it safe and as long as she kept anyone from ever seeing the card she'd be fine.

[@robertx8020]

@@Mew_Mokuba_Akari Sure and I suppose she has to sleep under the mailbox too to intercept any mail from that bank too, right? Maybe thinks things true before typing? Hiding money IS the best way and just because he discovered her stash doesn't make that a stupid plan! Any plan can fail, that doesn''t make it a bad plan!

[@EnDB]

Glad OP told the truth. His wife straight up lied on him to a whole group of people and watched them gang up on him. The nerve of that woman.

[@JasperCatProductions]

Why stay married? This sounds horrible, let her friends take her in. Your wife allowing you to be treated that way? No way.

[@robertx8020]

You're not OP, other ppl other rules

[@MrHyroglyph]

@@robertx8020god forbid a public post get a comment. Dolt

[@streamerssaymyname]

Last story sounds like a man on drugs. You can have a separate emergency bank account, cash is not secure.

[@kaykay8855]

Story 2: NTA. She doesn’t have to have sex with op if she doesn’t want to, but she shouldn’t have thrown op under the bus.

[@that.ll_do_pig]

Wow, the wife and her toxic girlfriends can kick rocks

[@streamerssaymyname]

One of the friends swooped in real quick to try for a piece of OP. These people don't seem to really be friends, is she maintaining the frenemies from high school?

[@that.ll_do_pig]

That's what I wondered. I may not be willing to tell every single friend I'm asexual but to not feel comfortable telling any of them? How are they real friends? ​@@streamerssaymyname

[@InvasionAnimation]

@@streamerssaymyname Hope he accept the offer.

[@InvasionAnimation]

@@thatjeff7550 ikr

[@redsprout9347]

"You're not having sex, so there is no physical connection" this statement (separated from the story) is just absolutely wrong. Physical connection doesn't just involve sex.

[@drewthistlethwaite8909]

My ex who is ace and I cuddled. That’s it. But holy hell I’d date her again in an instant, I’m still low key in love with her. Never did anything other than hold hands and hug and cuddle, but the emotional connection we had was like magic to me

[@thanos8077]

Story 1: I would've ripped up that letter and thrown it away and respectfully tell her not to talk to me unless it's work related.

[@Iflie]

I think that woman got her child and cat away just in time because he had plans. Plans that did not involve her alive. Sure he could have had a drug or gambling issue but you don't really need to kill for that. What he would have after her death is her daughter without anyone to supervise, which is like Lolita. Or there is another woman he wants to bring in but again, you usually don't kill for that.

[@juliearmfield2634]

Story 2. Nta. Why would you want to humiliate and make up stories about your partner that makes him look and feel bad. That is not how you treat someone that you love and respect. The wife is really selfish

[@ajzephyros7454]

If you're Ace let your partner know, it's better for both parties. Spoken as an Ace person.

[@theseeker9442]

"Outting her like I did was worst" No, it wasnt. What was worst was being a massive asshole and letting your husband get torn apart over YOUR lies and when he gives you a chance to speak up and defend him you sit there silent

[@janedoe885]

I think a lot of bullying comes from apathy toward another person's well-being/not having empathy for what it would feel to be put through that tbh. There's no concept of the pain or what it means to experience it, let alone lend weight to it. I think if you combine that with 1) someone being bored and/or 2) someone being annoyed or even angry, you can get some insane cruelty out of people.

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

You can also get an insane amount of vindictive cruelty from those who have been bullied/abused.

[@paulineisme]

Honestly I've never hoped more for an update like I did after story 3. Even if it's just the one phrase. I hope this psychopath rots in jail, even though it doesn't sound like he has done anything chargeable yet.

[@thesamuraiman]

I never comment, cause Im also listening while driving, but on the rare occasion, here I am, at home. Thanks for the entertainment at work, man. Keep up the good worm

[@wimsylogic65]

Story one. People can change. I was picked on growing up. I don't know if I would call it bullying. Probably could have been considered bullying but it didn't affect me enough for me to consider it bullying. Nothing anybody did to me at school com paired to what I had to deal with at home or how I treated myself. I was my worst bully. I even went along with people picking on me. In middle school I was called diseased and treated like I was contagious, Because freckles. Apparently I'm also neuro Divergent. I say apparently because it's something my therapist mentioned recently. Always just considered myself weird. Not a bad thing just weird. I didn't care that people picked on me because I was usually in my own world. Probably wasn't even aware of most of it.

[@juanhaines7295]

Story 1 I heard this one before. Even though op did everything to make things he would have been just fine had he not forgiven her.

[@83gemm]

Ok, gang, it’s officially time to drop the “absolutely never” rule about outing anyone. There was another story where the closeted sister was sexually harassing OP’s girlfriend, so he kicked her out. By not being allowed to tell the whole story for fear of outing her, he came off as the villain. Story 2 here is another case of the one keeping the secret being abused or vilified by others for no damn reason. In my opinion, you’re not really outing them when they push you into a corner like that. They’re essentially outing themselves by leaving you with no other option. But, hey, let’s say you are technically outing them. It should be a limited, last resort to do that to someone. There’s not much fouler than outing someone for no reason. But I don’t think we can continue to say “NEVER out someone.”

[@that.ll_do_pig]

Sex/sex acts aren't the only forms of physical intimacy. You can still be physically intimate.

[@akuma4321]

EXACTLY. those comments always really irritate me. sex is not the only way to be intimate / loving with your partner. it can be important but it's not all-encompassing. acting like sex is the end-all be-all for a relationship is, imo, very unhealthy and can lead to a lot of pronlems.

[@paytonhenrich7376]

That's one thing that really irritated me about Markee's addition at the end of the story. The problem wasn't her being asexual and him deciding that he doesn't want to have sex if she views it as a favor and not something she actively wants. The problem was she'd rather lie to her friends than come out as ace and was happy to throw her husband under the bus in the process. My husband and I have been married since 2017 and together since 2009 we haven't had sex once in the thirteen years we've been together but it's not been a problem for us because we're intimate in other ways.

[@EnDB]

Money hidden around the house - nooooooo Secret bank account sweetie

[@stormkive4356]

i dont think their relationship will die just bc they dont have sex. u may not get it but some ppl can feel physically connected wo sex, but i DO think their relationship could die if she doesnt stop throwing him under the bus for her own insecurities. the comments are too focused on whether or not they fuck, when it should be about her completely disregarding him, his opinions, and his reputation in a group of their friends like wtf

[@bricksloth6920]

Yikes. What a rollercoaster of an episode of reddit stories. Especially the ending

[@mweathers79]

S2: yeah, I kind of agree here. OP wife seems to value her friends over her partner. This relationship feels really one sided. Which makes sense, SHE gets more value from her friendships than she does from her husband, at best it’s the same to her. He’s basically an accessory to her life

[@PowerStruggle555]

in middle school I had a bully, though it wasnt a student but a teacher. I believed she was the embodiment of pure evil. she was strict, stereotypical teacher, she made fun of me, took an embarrassing photo of me and put in year book, called me a liar when I was sick (turned out had appendicitis). the list goes on. Recentlly I forgave her. Not in person as havent seen her in 24 years but none the less forgave her. If I ever see her again (doubt as i graduated the year before she retired, so she is likely dead) Id be fine. I feel it helps the healing process to forgive ones you feel tormented you even not in person. People dont need to. sometimes the bully might not deserve forgiveness. But I feel it helps the person. Not let the bully ruin their lives years later without being there

[@potatoempress5731]

Story 2 : Sounds like a toxic friend group. Drop them.

[@thatlycantomboy]

I’m asexual, and granted while I’ve never been unlucky enough to be embarrassed about it, I cannot fathom lying about my sex life-especially if it’s throwing my partner under the bus! ideally OP would divorce and the lady would Get Some Help for whatever she’s going through, but. alas

[@teamarie123]

As an asexual person who is married, and out to a few friends, but not most people I really don't understand why that line was drawn to not lie about the husband, but to lie about ither things. I just say I'd rather not talk about it if anyone tries to.

[@comicadubber1027]

Can we talk about that last story? I don’t know what happened to her sister but she and her daughter may unfortunately be like her if they don’t leave.

[@amemooress6291]

Okay, based on the comments, stories 2 and 3 stood out more -- but holy heck. Story 1 damn near nade me cry. Damn.

[@ericaallisonc]

Story one is proof that school bullies are not just future gas station attendants, and thinking that way will just set you up to be disappointed. 😂

[@dream6562]

Actually I would have said it's proof bullies really don't know or don't care how much damage they are doing at the time

[@Germania72]

Story 2: Why do they have to overshare? Really? Does anyone know about something called privacy? That sounds like a horrible relationship. I don't think it will work. Why staying?

[@sweeneytodd1414]

Story 2: Okay as an asexual myself, I can see why the wife would lie because allosexuals can be ANNOYING about asexuality, but she did go way too far. But the one thing that made me comment was that one comment going "there's no sex so no physical connection." THIS IS WHAT I MEAN. It's like EVERYTHING has to be about sex for them. No snuggling? No hand holding? No kisses? Just sex??? Like I get where they're coming from but holy crap just say there's no sex smh

[@potatoempress5731]

Please keep voice-acting Markee. Keeps the story-telling engaging, esp Story 3.

[@muhname6052]

Asexual: Yeah, she needs new friends. They'll likely try to separate op and wife. No sex and she's okay with her friends shit talking him to his face. Nope, too many lies. I hope it works out for OP. I doubt it

[@Iflie]

Myeah I think she was appeasing him saying she still enjoyed the sex, otherwise why make sure you never have to have it by saying you're just doing it for him because she feels no desire for him at all. Who's ego would survive that? And I think he just doesn't want sex more than not wanting to break up with her. How long will he stick around with his crush he can't have sex with? In the end he'll seek that connection with someone else and break up with her. Sexual people should not date a sexual people because their needs lay too far apart.

[@AlexxeMJFAN]

I'm greyace (rarely wanting sex)/asexual, but.. OP's wife really sucks for putting OP under the bus because her friends harrasses her about their sex lives and..oral.. She didn't even apologized properly for her lies towards him!! I think OP is being naive and too patient and kind towards this stupid girl.. I'm sorry.. But he NEED to divorce her! That will continue, even going worse (like many comments said!). In french, we always say "It's better to be alone than being with bad people around us", i think he just need that, but he refuses because he don't want to be alone.. Welp.. Shame on OP for this.. If i was OP's wife, i'd be like "Okay cool, you have sex and oral! Well, i don't have them for years with my husband. And i don't want them because my libido is empty! Please respect me! And if you don't, fuck off" OP is NTA, before the update ! But he's the AH after this disgusting and horrible update.. and we all know why... I think he'll regret it and will complains about it in the future.. if he does, i'll be like "You wanted advices for the first time you posted here, but refused to listen because of your stupidity. Fix it yourself, dude! Byebye"

[@redsprout9347]

Again, sex isn't the only type of physical connection

[@missonababy38]

My kids' dad used to talk about us all the time to his friends. It turns out he was a serial cheater, so he was basically "boasting his capabilities " in front of everyone. Females included yes you guessed it he cheated with those ladies'......

[@stankyles9233]

29:50 that genuinely scared me lol

[@missonababy38]

The last story....he is psychic

[@theresaschuebel5151]

My bully did it because i had both parents and i had sisters. He was an only child and his mom was out our the picture. I dont know why. I found him in 2008 on Facebook and he told me why he did it and that he was disappointed in hos past behavior and the crule words. He is actually a child physicaligest now with 2 kids and he and his wife divorced and that he is better off now

[@smyl665]

Molly, You in danger, girl!

[@DaniS398]

I'm ace...my husband isn't. I still enjoy sex I just don't really have any sexual attraction. There are a lot of things that attract me to my husband. And even when we aren't having a bunch of sex, we still cuddle and hug, and play around. Sex is not the only way to be physical with a partner. It is one way. OP needs to get over the "she's not sexually attracted to me, so I won't have sex with her" even when he admits that, when they were having sex, she enjoyed it.

[@mkaverage1791]

Story 2: Why in the hell is this dude taking any blame whatsoever from anyone involved? Her friends, the commenters...all of this is her fault. And I have serious questions about how she "discovered" this in therapy.

[@ObsidianFaux]

Doesn’t mean she can’t treat you right or stand up for you

[@rockalleanv]

2nd story, he sounds defensive and making excuses. I know that there is different types of sexuality and different type of divergences, but come on, he is in denial. I went to a party recently that consisted a lot of sex and bullying talk, and it did give me high school vibes. I wouldn't call myself classy (I'm a different type of immaturity) but I didn't enjoy any of that talk. I'm happy to be a hermit in my room

[@AprilSunshine]

Being ace doesn't mean sex can't still be beneficial! It's an excellent opportunity to bond and feel connected. There's nothing strange about doing things you don't necessarily desire to do for the sake of your partner. Like dishes and laundry. You can physically enjoy tasks like that regardless of whether you desired them before you started actually doing them. I don't think it's healthy to shut her down if she's a consenting adult, offering sex.

[@Mcyxof]

As an asexual person, I have had sex a few times. I don't get any orgasmic benefit from it and find it kind of gross, but I still enjoy being there with that person and seeing the effect I have on him. I don't know what she did to him as I paused the moment he said that, so I'm not saying she's in the clear, but she may still be getting things out of it, even if it's just having fun with a person she loves

[@Mcyxof]

Okay, after his update, then yeah, it seems she doesn't get any enjoyment out of it even for the other person so I can understand that he doesn't wish to do that with her. Just be aware that is not all asexuals. I am not interested in sex and never seek it out. I haven't had it in years and have pretty much avoided it as I have to be in the mood to get that enjoyment out of an activity that has so many gross fluids attached and haven't been since COVID times xD

[@kat1722]

I’m Demi/ace one of my bffs knows this and my sister. And to some degree my boyfriend, he’s not had a libido for a while because of medical stuff. I just don’t talk about sex stuff, I’ve never really talked about it cos it’s just something I don’t talk about- hence not actually telling people I’m ace.

[@Mischa21xo]

Story 1: Nahhhh. Empathy isn't something you learn, it's not a learned behavior. You are either born with it or you are not. She can fake this "I'm a changed person" bs, but that's just not the case. The only thing that has changed is her ability to pretend & look like a good person on the outside now. I'm sure she has other ways of expressing to different people, or a significant other, how narcissistic and evil she still is deep down. I don't have any social media whatsoever, but it is incredibly rare for me to meet somebody that is the same. So if she really felt as bad "everyday" like she was playing it up that she did in the letter, she had years upon years to reach out to him and apologize. Yet she never did until she absolutely had to, until it would affect her. Thats it. It is still all about her- a true narcissist at heart. That action alone says everything that anyone would need to know about who she REALLY is. Disgusting.

[@debc6260]

Bully working in HR. Ironic?

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

More like it's typical. Albeit, former bully in this case.

[@kp2223]

A 100% typical, just like mean girls also becoming nurses. There's a big power dynamic in these roles.

[@llamabrat07]

Story 2. OP is NTA & did not put her as Ace. He only said they weren’t having much sex lately. She’s the one trying to keep up appearances & wants to play the suffering wife with a husband who is a selfish lover. OP is fair to have a boundary that he isn’t comfortable having sex with someone who doesn’t desire him. I can see how that can feel like he doesn’t have enthusiastic consent & would make him wonder if he was satisfying his partner. He is valid for feeling like having sex with his wife who doesn’t sexually desire him, but is willing to have sex with him to keep him happy as no different then using a toy.

[@srideout91]

This was a lovely fairytale

[@tideio]

The third story hello?!! Hope it’s fake genuinely

[@brinagotsued]

Yeah, but I genuinely don't think it is 😢

[@tideio]

@@brinagotsued seriously like she sounds clueless there’s no way this is real.

[@mimi.dixon.b]

The husband in story 2 is delusional, ‘didn’t bait and switch for the ring’ i’m sure she didn’t think of it maliciously like that, but concealing your sexual identity from your partner specifically because you know it’s incompatible is very very underhanded

[@TheSkull698]

To the OP with the allegedly “asexual” wife, no you’re not the AH for outing your wife - especially after she sat there and willingly allowed OP to be verbally abused by everyone present and never attempted to set the record straight and not allow OP to be abused. OP is the AH for putting up this entire situation with his wife. Clearly, OP is not quite as happy with his sexless marriage as he claims to be given his anger over being accused of being a bad “husband” for not taking care of his wife sexually. If he’s going to continue in a marriage where he’s willingly subjugating his own needs in deference to his wife’s then he needs to be all in on that, not be angry when he never gets laid and should basically shut up about it. He can’t have it both ways. And I wouldn’t be surprised if somewhere down the road OP discovers his wife has been smashing other dudes behind his back. And he only has himself to blame.

[@bridgetdebourgh5698]

Hey Markee have a good morning 👍

[@Mew_Mokuba_Akari]

The last one I feel for her. But I don't think he loves her daughter like a daughter. I'd lay money he is slightly more insane than my late B of an ex-stepfather. He was an OK stepfather from when I was 8 till 18. Only once did he do anything, and I was was about maybe 12 give or take and the family thought it funny to do mistletoe and he tongue kissed me. At 18 having been sheltered and internet barely a thing and not having it, I wasn't sure what to do when he started giving hugs making sure to caress my boobs. Then after writing it all out I eventually gave my mom the letter and she divorced and kicked him out. Well it turned out he already with 14 grown kids and when they married 38 grandkids wanted more that my mother couldn't do and my 18 year old sister wanted nothing to do with him. So he was waiting till I was 18 to try to get me pregnant. He sweet talked his way back into my mom's life and she was self-employed and worked with her. But then tried to kill her by pulling out into traffic. Someone was looking out for my mom and instead of his plan and the car hit my mom's side a car came from the other side and hit his. Sadly he lived with just minor injuries. She remained friendly with him even after that even though he spread lies causing her to lose jobs. But cancer took him out. If I had to guess I'd say he wanted to kill the mom and have the daughter as his new wife. Even of she's underage now, that doesn't mean he couldn't have his way with her until she was 18 and make her marry him.

[@nataliebateman1151]

OP 1's note seemed like she was making it all about her "I I I" and "Me me me." I hope he doesn't forgive her Edit: I'm surprised he forgave her. I wouldn't have,

[@FrederikEngelmand]

story 1, dont say a fucking thing

[@stephjovi]

I read the last story. I really hope it`s fake. Otherwise op is in danger.

[@saintjamesent.866]

Op 2, pathetic.

[@KadeStringer2.0]

You are pathetic

[@saltwatertaffy7020]

S2: Why do people talk about martial intimacy? It sullies the marital bed, and it's vulgar!

[@mandykawaii1646]

S2 “They are not your friends so it’s fine” …. first of all why do y’all talk about your sex life with your “friends” to begin with??? second; no, it’s because they are HER friends that she needs to put them in their place when they talk shit about her partner. She seems like she doesn’t accept herself as ace and is ashamed of it …. She needs more therapy for that alone.

[@annamarczuk2030]

I hope that story 3 is fake. The cartoonishly evil statements made by BF, keeping money in a drawer instead of the bank, all those clearly suspicious events and OP still doubts what is going on? It's more than obliviousness it's complete lack of selfpreservation

[@littlegreycat]

I really dislike how much the Op in story one still made the letter about herself and rather martyr ish but at least it all ended OK.

[@juliearmfield2634]

I notice the same thing I did not think she was sincere at all I think she was just trying to cover her ass and save face

[@KadeStringer2.0]

No it wasn’t all about her

[@KadeStringer2.0]

@@juliearmfield2634she was sincere

[@juliearmfield2634]

@@KadeStringer2.0 oh I'm sorry I didn't know you knew her personally

[@foxxylee3]

I myself am asexual, it’s different for every asexual. Some are cool with sex only for procreation, some are only cool with self pleasure, some are vehemently against sex or self pleasure. The wife is just selfish for using a man to hide behind, she could go out and find an asexual man who meets her needs but noooooo.

[@jimmyjohnjuan]

Story 2) if its true she us Asexual but dont mind "it" and has pleasure by "it" then personally she could have talking her issues out with a therapist and just keep doinng what they did and die with know she is Asexual. But he definitely need to leave sense she wont defend him.

[@drewthistlethwaite8909]

One of my bullies works for CPS and specializes in kids with my disability. She’s made a change for good and pushes for reunification when possible and reports ppl trying to use foster as cheap adoption. She’s never apologized but knowing she’s doing shit to prove she’s changed vs empty words means more. And shows she understand my autism.

[@anya0410]

She should still apologise though, she owes it to you to acknowledge what she did

[@PlasticBluVentRabbit]

Story 2 is gonna have another update where he eventually leaves. Unfortunately, it’s not now.

[@willgroody5296]

Story 2 your wife is a manipulative Ah she deliberately waited till after marriage to have this revelation and regularly throws you under the bus and made you apologise to her but hadn’t made her friends do the same. Start giving her the same treatment she wasn’t any attention and affection; sorry it’s crossing my boundary now you have a ring I can stop my lying and manipulating. Don’t touch me it’s harassing and tell all your friends and family and get her uninvited

[@aibytes4857]

Obligatory comment

[@roenfinch9057]

For story 2, especially the comments after the update: I'm ace and I'll say it's hard to describe the extent to which allonormative culture permeates every aspect of life. While the wife was definitely the ah for lying and throwing op under the bus, I can't help but empathize with her hesitancy to bring up her sexuality. Unless youve experienced it, its hard to describe the sheer number of comments you get that tear you down even if the person is trying to be optimistic or supportive (you havent met the right person yet! Have you gotten your hormones checked? And on and on and on). It sounds like she's still pretty early in her journey to self acceptance and it can take a long time to untangle everything society enforces. This isn't the sort of thing you learn to deal with overnight, coming to terms with your own asexuality and coming out as asexual can be a very uncomfortable, isolating process. I'm glad her husband is so supportive, but what she really needs are new friends. Asexuality is rare enough many aces don't know another ace person irl, hopefully she is able to get connected with a group or something so she can get perspectives from other people who've had to deal with processing all the internalized acephobia and shame. Its disheartening to see how many comments, both on KZbin and the original reddit story, feel the marriage is doomed or that without sex they are just roommates (if the only difference between a roommate and a spouse is inserting tab A into slot B I feel sorry for your spouse) or whatever. It's the same allonormative tripe that leaves so many people, not just aces, feeling isolated and dehumanized. The op deserves better than how his wife treated him that night, but the answer is in their communication, not their bedroom.

[@trillionbones89]

She never needed to create this situation. Just "I don't want to talk about my sex life", or since she already decided to lie for appearances: "husband is good at oral" and done. She actively painted her husband as a selfish person and stood by when her friends harassed him. That's not just being in the closet, but a series of deliberate lies for social points ending in a pointless lie that only serves to create drama. Liars don't deserve their lies to be protected. It's the same situation if both partners were not into oral, but she still complains to her friends about her "unsatisfying/selfish" husband.

[@roenfinch9057]

@trillionbones89 I completely agree that the wife was in the wrong for how she acted, I stated so multiple times during my post. Empathizing with a persons struggles doesn't mean condoning their actions, I was simply trying to add a perspective that I wasn't seeing being shared in this conversation. The situation hurt op no matter the motivation, but now in the aftermath it does matter for preventing this from happening again. lying maliciously vs lying out of panic or fear or attempts at self preservation necessitate different responses. If she created the situation maliciously, I agree that their marriage would be doomed. But everything seems to point to the wife handling everything poorly out of her own fears and insecurities, which is both very human, and can be prevented from happening again if she puts in the work on herself.

[@marlinfrank1362]

8:38 "I should be the one who leaves". YEAH RIGHT!! FAKE STORY!! I don't care how much therapy a bully gets to change themselves. No one, and I mean no one is going to give up their careers as some act of redemption or forgiveness. NO WAY!!

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

Your comment says far more about you and your narrow understanding of people and their capacity for change.

[@marlinfrank1362]

@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement Ha! Change is one thing but putting ones self (and their families) in financial crisis is irresponsible. And for what? Because a kid got teased in school? Ridiculous.

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

@@marlinfrank1362 Now your making wild assumptions and blanket statements about OP. Thank you for reinforcing my prior comment further.

[@TwilightNyx12]

I wonder what would have happened if he actually asked that she’d transfer. She’d have to either prove that she meant it and do it to her personal cost OR not do it and be proven that she’s the same manipulating liar that he knew and cannot trust her.

[@robertx8020]

Story 2: For ppl saying that, w/o sex, the relation would be over? So you would all leave your partners when you or they can't have sex anymore e.g. because of an accident or illness? Or because one person is too old? Nice .. "ow my wife got in an accident and can't have sex for a year, time to cheat or leave her"

[@kp2223]

Presumptively, that husband or wife who is in a tragic accident, Isn't talking shit about your sexual performance to their friends.

[@robertx8020]

@@kp2223 True but that's beside the point! And has NOTHING to do with mine or their arguments

[@kp2223]

@robertx8020 Statistics will tell you that yes, many people will leave their partner After a big accident or the diagnosis of a serious to terminal illness. look at the stats. A huge portion of men will leave their wife if she has been diagnosed with terminal anything. Well, generally, it galvanizes the wife to stay with the husband if he has a terrible accident or terminal illness. So I think it is kind of a point lots of people do leave their spouse if there's no physical intimacy.

[@robertx8020]

@@kp2223 I know all about those statistics but these 'partners' are huge AHs!

[@kp2223]

@@robertx8020 I get that the point you're trying to make that anybody who does that is an a******But I think it's very clearly established through the statistics. That tons of people are indeed assholes and this is indeed very common.

[@michaelwoods3651]

Story 2- insane that this op wants to spend the rest of his marriage without sex?!? He’s super doormat! Sex isn’t everything, but it’s certainly very important. If that’s the case, then they’re just roommates and friends. Why stay married at that point?!? Resentment is just going to build.

[@cutietoot4306]

If you equate all intimacy in a relationship to sex, then I feel sorry for your partners. Sex isn't a big deal to some people, including allosexuals(=non-asexual people) and their relationships is no less valid for the lack of sex in it, people can be and are happy without sex.

[@kiraalexandraruizburgos1236]

🦐

[@aubreymorgan9763]

early! hahahaaha

[@mweathers79]

I call BS. If all this actually happened, why would you bring it to Reddit and not the police. This is fan fiction from some feminist man hater. This is very much NOT real.

[@elizabethescalante8114]

Here's hoping OP 1 gets hers with a narcissistic friend who treats her like crap and ruins her life.

[@Logitah]

I am usually rather direct about my asexuality because it makes me REALLY uncomfortable when people think I am something I'm not. The wife has quite a lot of internalised acephobia. 🫤